MYFL | Chapter 3.10

Beomchan was a little f0bc0b317d surprised, though he didn’t 12d4ef115d show it outwardly. He had expected f52ba12073 Seungjae to bring dc5106db33 up that day f6b2cd6c4f when he came 39fbc42a99 to talk, but da742467c4 he hadn’t expected c226389041 an apology.b7c5a2b8be2c3132

“And… about e12440285e what you 0deb848f8d just said.”7ae45391f5bdec19

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Seungjae continued. Beomchan unknowingly clenched his 323e03e51f hands on his knees.6ab498e9a0261b40

“Are you okay with 614290d97a that?”4cd2ccfad3bd3738

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There’s no way he c4ff7b3764 could be okay.0fd33541f4f8a447

But now, cornered with ad25e52d85 nowhere to retreat, the 22fd48398b answer Beomchan had to 274cfd53aa give was already decided.1bba084d324527ee

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“…Yes.”8243c3fc7148d595

Seungjae sat 9669a8791a there for d5245e4137 a moment, d4658e5ae7 lost in b971606ae1 thought, then b2d3ddbcda stood up 7b2ba88df6 and spoke.dad45ed9b0e64c18

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“If seeing 0d76ebee40 each other 796f2ca0f7 every day 77d2d139ce is hard, f845d4bd46 let me 3a16e6b07d know. I can 64feeabb4f hire another 8dd0509a56 part-timer or d618321dd4 something.”65fd923170541c16

Why go 9dc1a69a97 that far? Is it pity? Do I 26b2421cda look that 26b19a842f pathetic?86da053f1ebbd084

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“It’s okay. You don’t have d6afb28cc8 to go that acdcf7d0e5 far…”fdce37cafcc627e2

“Alright, then. I’ll go. Rest.”e2ea208cfce652d0

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“Yes.”3adc409d69af1215

Even though 5ff710283c it wasn’t be353590ad the last e116338c1f time he 366bd4d0d1 would see d0f8e230c5 him, Beomchan 5c82c2dda4 felt regretful, 2b89b1ef86 as if a40e355e3f it were. He couldn’t 3b566b2119 leave the e4c7ffe012 bench until 2486809843 Seungjae’s back 5cb9cc1735 completely disappeared 6a3275a547 down the 1e4c058076 stairs.01709c12107b0979

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⋆˚🐾˖°186dc8c7f56e78a8

Ding, the familiar b542cc5b09 clear sound of a30b3bcc68 the bell rang 5db10fbcfc as the café 7d5950310a door opened. It was a bit 5526b2bffb earlier than usual.6f75d5ae853a6123

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“Abeoji.”e84d1aabd8ad7814

Seungjae’s eyes widened when he spotted the person with Woojoo. It wasn’t Beomchan. A middle-aged man wearing a dark blue jersey and taekwondo pants entered, holding Woojoo’s hand.d8f7dfd59195e9a8

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“Oh, hello.”9aff90a94f5b8643

The man e7b1240cb3 greeted with 95627dd747 a friendly d2885ecf26 face and 250a533af0 a kind 427284c5bb smile.d9d654679eaf7390

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“Uh, who… where’s the master?”a80b876651073ee1

Yeonji, who c03ba26b1b was wiping 7e5cce343e a table e2112a54ec near the d7d01a1acd café entrance, 63ab312930 asked in f1a1ec41af a flustered e5592ff319 voice. Seungjae was 2bd364ab1c equally surprised, 0f38b50559 so he 9129dc4edf immediately stopped 40258c0f35 what he ad6daec85c was doing 29bade8f51 and approached 266640d7f9 the man 0a27dc3c23 from behind 2c114d93d0 the counter.589f2d2f9eb5a76e

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“I’m Beomchan’s taekwondo director. I’m Chan’s father.”e287ae73c026131a

“Oh, hello, sir.”1dd100e1eb3c4164

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Seungjae quickly bowed his head in greeting. The man’s features and aura were so similar to Beomchan’s that Seungjae had guessed it might be him when he walked in wearing a taekwondo uniform. But where was Beomchan? As if reading the question on Seungjae’s face, the man provided an answer.8eb10402e3c756db

“Chan caught a cold, so I’ll be taking over for a few days.”d94fb455c74353e0

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“A cold?” Seungjae asked.e02d0a8ab3469288

“Huh? He said he contacted everyone, but maybe he missed you. You’re Woojoo’s father, right? He never really got sick, but it seems like he caught the flu or something. His voice was really off. He asked me to take over because he was worried about passing it on to the kids. Even though I’m mostly just a figurehead now, I’ve been doing this for a long time, so don’t worry too much.”4b77809a75d4c8f9

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“Oh, yes.” Seungjae replied with a thoughtful expression. The man, perhaps sensing Seungjae’s lukewarm response, started listing his taekwondo experience, but Seungjae’s mind was elsewhere.147f036c85485842

He recalled 2466420da4 the day 9774827870 in the ddeac98f3a dead of cc080d14ff winter when c7aa8eb0c7 Beomchan had df23109346 promptly come 7654e80a9b at his 71ec2f2e3b call. His hair was damp, e0a2f11fb1 and the droplets at bad156c97b the ends trickled down 8b6b8632a9 his neck. The cold 6902c73324 was because 98339e7ad3 of him.e45a9d63e0b19093

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“Well, I’ll be going now.”a25cbc375553da5b

“Oh, would you like something to drink?”808132920c8313ec

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The man nodded slightly e8073cb626 towards Yeonji and Seungjae b01580f542 in farewell. Seungjae, snapping back 9db26cf412 to reality, belatedly 44781b2080 offered, but the f39e18eb6e man waved his 5846d91a7a hand in refusal.1cdb50e8eda771fd

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I have another class. Goodbye, Woojoo. See you tomorrow.”cfc85c9976da7f32

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“Taekwon! Thank you, director!”45a67bee14ba7c9f

“Goodbye.”7da7f18bd9d6123c

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The man left the café, looking fondly at Woojoo’s deep bow.8bd4288b7ef42d26

“I’ll just make a quick call.”59b5cabab7b37c0e

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As soon as the man left, Seungjae asked Yeonji for a moment. She looked at him with a face full of things to say but sighed and nodded as if giving up. Seungjae had a feeling he knew what Yeonji wanted to say, but he couldn’t just sit still with the guilt gnawing at him.b42ccd5607a4ad16

Seungjae grabbed his phone 6cc55ce2fd and stepped outside the 09680fcdba café. He went into the 01d3c47d43 alley next to the 7b2b9796ee building and immediately called 50484ad638 Beomchan. After a f9b6e9dad9 long ring, 8461357e8b a deeply ff6afb26f4 subdued voice cf15c21353 answered.68c16ca32cdc17ea

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“…Hello.”4f8127d811c92928

A faint cough followed the almost lifeless voice. He didn’t sound well at all.92f1097d3aa7e631

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“I heard you caught a cold. Are you okay?”d73624d1ec9fe17e

“Oh, yes… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”b08d5636d192b7e2

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“It’s fine. Your father explained everything. Did you take medicine?”14f1c23c8948cb3f

Whether it was because of his condition or because of what happened between them, Beomchan’s voice was filled with dejection, and it didn’t sit well with Seungjae.64781c0d5a8f5eca

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“I’ll be fine after some rest. Don’t worry about it.”e5e4f99353b3411c

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?”606625fa4fa1444e

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Even though he himself didn’t bother with medicine for a mere cold, the words “don’t worry about it” made him feel sharp inside. Was it because it was his fault, or was there another reason?3feac24d93a2e92b

Feeling a 7563a09769 sudden tightness 0a80c19112 in his b45dd8e9f8 chest, Seungjae 5902099238 took off 306650eb90 his glasses 09a5efea88 and pressed d155b6182d his forehead 1ed11f9d5c with the aced263c34 back of 6790eb48a6 his hand. The undefined emotions 952ccf704d stirred an unwarranted a57026dae6 anger. If he stayed on a7396d010d the phone any longer, 652a2b2e4b he might end up e79c035eb9 scolding the sick guy.7a1fd0c952da2444

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“Okay, I’ll hang up now. Get some rest.”befa74e9455cf2dc

Seungjae said as he walked out of the alley. The response was a weak, dragging “Yes,” as if it was being pulled along the ground. How could he say not to worry when he sounded like that? Seungjae irritably ended the call. He put his glasses back on and walked back into the café, his steps tinged with annoyance.d9c292851ed2b6f7

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Before he knew it, he found himself in front of Beomchan’s house. Seungjae looked down at the shopping bag in his hand. It contained porridge.e71cd90c92e888a4

Was he trying to 55f0060cac ease his guilt with ea2e8db6d2 this after causing all aaf9fa56da sorts of trouble? What a f96df4074d selfish jerk.587ed7d2dce32e46

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Seungjae closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. He quietly placed the shopping bag next to the front door, where it would be immediately visible when opened, and turned away. He couldn’t bring himself to face him.62d9bef68f2dd711

As he 7e83cde7e8 turned, the caefa53c5f biting winter af4c809229 wind slashed 6d61510563 across his 696c27e6af cheek. Instinctively, Seungjae b2f8e66e03 hunched his 3e3f018ae1 shoulders and 13b6adf287 looked back 8d6a7b9d45 at the 47943329d9 porridge cooling d9ab088f2e in the 124ff7955e cold. In the end, 087a155b06 he muttered a 4812ecd9d7 low curse and 33a13a6982 picked up the 098b782ae2 shopping bag again.b9aa3ad484c3676e

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Seungjae, who had 27c9254f69 been hesitating, knocked 7426dd8d5f on the front 4a77bd67e0 door. He thought that 674eaebddd if no one 8acc38b06a answered after one a319aa25c1 knock, he would 4eac936b03 just take it 8336d1d798 back, considering Beomchan 1156c5fd69 might be sleeping a5500d3509 due to his 9e6aac7d40 cold. However, the door opened b463dee048 immediately, not giving Seungjae ab455c030d a chance to reconsider 0f7f162b1d his impulsive visit.17c8fafae856acdb

“…Teacher.”f246eedd3aa567a2

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Beomchan’s eyes widened in surprise as soon as the door opened, as if he hadn’t expected it to be Seungjae. Then, in a flurry of movements, he hurriedly tidied his disheveled hair and clothes. The more he tried to fix it without a mirror, the messier it got, but Seungjae didn’t bother to point it out.82c5d1ee754a5d0f

“You just open the door without asking who it is.”3ae131f3db4f012a

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“I thought it was my dad… or maybe the delivery guy…”ca0bd0bd11a55b82

Beomchan trailed off and clamped his mouth shut when he noticed the porridge in Seungjae’s hand. Sensing his gaze, Seungjae spoke first.9d169f1e5d6fa901

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“Have you eaten anything?”38c00f0dfe757594

“…Not yet.”bfa07f90d2c016f1

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“Great. I just got it from a nearby place. It’s better than not eating, so make sure you have some.”749d35c9f5285c7f

With that, Seungjae handed 9b60578639 the shopping bag to a546195973 Beomchan. Beomchan accepted 48fe1f2669 it without 52410fee45 protest, but 124c4f4d9d his expression 937501296a hardened.ae1493412b5ff9a3

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“Woojoo was worried about whether the master was really sick.”c25091fb38c50f58

Seungjae added casually, wanting to make it seem like he bought it because of Woojoo. But it seemed too late, as Beomchan barely listened and didn’t respond.b9e8a7279a00e108

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Beomchan quietly opened the shopping bag’s handle. Inside was a container from a common franchise porridge shop, a place Beomchan occasionally used as well.550b17273cd80e0a

It’s just ordinary porridge. He repeated this to himself over and over, trying to dismiss it, but he couldn’t handle Seungjae’s unexpected concern.aace89a8a62b452c

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“Ah, seriously… I told you not to worry…”8474f1005dbe17f5

Isn’t this too cruel for someone who declared they’d give up? What’s the point of suffering alone in a corner if it all becomes meaningless in a single moment? He resented Seungjae for making it impossible to give up while not giving anything.28dc9d3a33fb8173

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Beomchan’s shoulders shook weakly. The sorrow of being sick added to it, and he couldn’t help but burst into tears. He took shaky breaths. Even knowing Seungjae would be flustered, he couldn’t stop. At this moment, he wanted to blame him.814696481c7e1c25

“…Hey, your fever’s going up. Stop crying.”e2508dd8a60ad933

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Seungjae said soothingly. Even though he was hiccuping as if he was about to stop breathing, he didn’t let out a proper sob. He swallowed it all inside. The quiet yet clear crying tugged at his heart even more.e7c535c71c384dae

He felt like he 128cf77495 was suffocating from guilt.99b0138ba8b734ab

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Unconsciously, Seungjae reached out to Beomchan’s wet cheek. But before he could touch it, he pulled back. Beomchan flinched and leaned back. Only then did Seungjae realize what he was about to do.b8c2eb357448c7dc

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”04e8e3c1a7c7d68d

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“Ah, it’s not that…”1149812be11bc278

Beomchan quickly added an 5eaf604383 excuse.263ce1040a25f4b1

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“…I was worried you might catch it.”eb3d01898164e87e

Seungjae chuckled inwardly. What kind of person… How could he wish for his own misfortune? He must have felt guilty and tormented just for thinking something similar.a5c19d7157d7ece2

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“You said it’s okay to stop.”b087f42900105aa6

Seungjae asked in cbe9de9333 a softened voice. Beomchan silently 19ce39bcd6 wiped his a47cf2544d face with 30d5bff7c5 one hand 0c079f4c40 and let 769f2eceec out a 8151dcb09d deep breath.d4b7da3078e60da8

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“…I’m really a bother, aren’t I?”20accf96df07cb6b

With anyone else, he might have felt that way, but because of his guilt, he didn’t find it particularly annoying or bothersome. He just felt sorry and pitiful.78571686f93f566a

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“Just get better soon.”6a37ffbc1ba61491

Beomchan, who had stopped 307deebcfd crying at some point, 0251bb5390 nodded with a tearful 8410e5df51 face.147b56d7c513c97f

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He just hoped Beomchan wouldn’t be too distressed and could let go of his feelings.9778b05f5aa48c4e

Before he wavered any db22209041 more.8a76aefda2df6e7d

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⋆˚🐾˖°f0f932063d1b516c

Beomchan closed the ba9f38c508 front door and 0bc2fa7def stepped inside, holding 2b7ddb32fb the porridge Seungjae 567aa8eaa3 had given him. Without hesitation, 8c2d727f60 he headed af440c0af3 straight to 99127951ad the dining d3d30cf79a table, placed a63510cab4 the shopping 07f61dbaef bag down, a0bafef3ea and took 73ee0adfaf out its 8d4d048895 contents.c0366f9d4adab73c

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As he lifted the a6365e37d7 dark brown lid, a a9baea25e2 delicious aroma wafted up, f384bdfca5 revealing finely ground beef 264959ae14 porridge. Did Seungjae remember that 938408710e he liked meat? No, it was probably 0949611069 just a common menu aec008fe32 choice, something most people 2a981865df would enjoy without much fba9788264 room for dislike.7886ba0457f0d730

Beomchan decisively cut off d37c9fbfbe the unnecessary thoughts trying c4fe38110b to creep into his 8fd3707cca mind again and sat 1144cb0ec9 down at the dining 2ba4559ef7 table. Maybe he 0d3565f33a was getting 59ba930dde better at 6f98f80984 this—quicker at 7e4f16d406 shutting out 6e00320903 the thoughts 81d8066549 that didn’t d2750edf21 serve him.7e9652e1a37f5b5d

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He laid 49e3099bcc out the a3eed71cdd familiar side 9761ed3d16 dishes from 5c182d04e3 the porridge 524b126a32 shop, took 0d8a885416 a pair c9182cfc7a of utensils fc3ef51121 from the 2295b9409f holder, and 4df9ead067 placed them 1cba40feb0 in front 5f19ff974f of him. Scooping up 891b712754 a big 72e316249a spoonful of 0fa3768952 the steaming 8d7cd345cd beef porridge, 8a4b1e4dce freshly made 312d95a336 not long 7181e5b996 ago, he a5b4b82e6a brought it 685d902ea6 up—but before 174584895d it could 980b9db8bc reach his 4c4c851c5e mouth, he 4ef43bbc36 plunged the e3a5dd3ebb spoon back 4522f24d9a into the 79b706124b bowl.d6a73ce458fd734a

He hated him.cd492bf8b282944c

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All he did 5c1c163293 was bring porridge e9ba4eb9f8 to a sick e2d479a286 person. Yet, even with e9367cd0a4 this seemingly meaningless 15c864b419 action, Beomchan felt 4bfb3215e5 like he had cb9469f212 to hate him—needed 6b391999a7 to—if only to 983e8a687b make sense of 838dfce3c2 his own feelings. And he hated himself 1eaf7824da for it.a7308b7105782832

He blamed liking f5ecc02c8c him on him.c9e47c8b65273e17

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He blamed not being ed47928caa able to let go fad9db3cd2 of him on him 182b57139a too.512f4847e8ebc250

The anger soon turned ff8993b85d into regret.99a554fa6abbecf7

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What if he 9f2ef074a3 had acted differently 72fa5216f8 eight years ago? Would anything have changed? Could he b3157c830f have been 47cdd55b0b the one a5bd4e521d by Seungjae’s be85c8e22d side instead b807b56b1e of some dce47044b6 guy whose cf8bf80579 name and 36c7b28df3 face he aa6407512a didn’t even 80a8d43fdb know?ca5d1c4b02a8cbb1

Never before had the aeae214d84 hypothetical scenarios he had 7f2bb87dab replayed countless times felt 06914f1a12 as desperate as they 869b9e3882 did today.0d58a2884ab706e3

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Even knowing 86496c3d30 it was 8cd402c23d irreversible, the fde2c6b8b7 regret wouldn’t ff65541cad stop.87147c979bb1c8e5

He was still 22d90e0fdc living in the a47f63763e past.4e52f412022fde97

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And that was a93e515a3a why he couldn’t 0990e99286 let go of 48468c16d7 Seungjae.b68b73339a330dbd