MYFL | Chapter 3.10

Beomchan was a little 64df4019ee surprised, though he didn’t b3805505bf show it outwardly. He had expected Seungjae to bring up a727c0b5b1 that day when he came to talk, 5163eb51dc but he hadn’t expected an apology.4c92a0f28aae296f00b1

“And… about what bcaf8a7868 you just said.”c8d09fa8145e68d3a05a

Seungjae continued. Beomchan unknowingly clenched 086c40e88a his hands on c6dea24f77 his knees.2afb9963da3c3b47ef23

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“Are you 2e343ad8b9 okay with 33fcc48378 that?”0615d5a9dd15532a9435

There’s no way 118867adb2 he could be de2eeea967 okay.61bd1fc2bbaf43e686ed

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But now, cornered with nowhere to d682f8c4a8 retreat, the answer Beomchan had to 11c7ff36ba give was already decided.07dd124e26cd7fed4ffd

“…Yes.”796ce924f3954d1f0355

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Seungjae sat there for a aa49538df0 moment, lost in thought, then ff9210b871 stood up and spoke.5c0c6929b11eb6ca7e2a

“If seeing each other every day ae0d066e86 is hard, let me know. I can hire e9857520d0 another part-timer or b72612ae96 something.”853dc9c36d4cd9255c42

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Why go 0a2200d4cc that far? Is it pity? Do I 3889ffd536 look that 563818fdd4 pathetic?bc06458151f2e4e67864

“It’s okay. You don’t have to 2cf0fd0137 go that far…”a62bd8ae9fc8802a78b5

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“Alright, then. I’ll go. Rest.”24442e8723ad43ebbbc0

“Yes.”b7bb79b5ccfeecaa2a13

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Even though it wasn’t the last time he would 5985182cf9 see him, Beomchan felt regretful, as if it were. He couldn’t leave the 96fa56d67b bench until Seungjae’s back 8e4dd5f6a2 completely disappeared down the 502ff53a93 stairs.400cf0f496efe73b4877

⋆˚🐾˖°a5abc47e8b7a8ae31905

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Ding, the familiar clear b5db4333a6 sound of the bell 36f9091a2c rang as the café a112ceec8d door opened. It was a bit 3f3b114264 earlier than usual.592f9cb520508466bd55

“Abeoji.”8423d35f553000d4ca89

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Seungjae’s eyes widened b7423335a3 when he spotted b066d41feb the person with dfd88e53a2 Woojoo. It wasn’t Beomchan. A middle-aged man wearing a dark blue jersey 4ca2c3287f and taekwondo pants entered, holding Woojoo’s hand.5101a9afaf4ac903955b

“Oh, hello.”8a892b1f6bb370b5a908

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The man greeted with 01e9739f3a a friendly face and 1381197844 a kind smile.75a50a71a692bf00b35d

“Uh, who… 50647e46d6 where’s the 7c1899d6eb master?”381bfeb72e005dee2757

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Yeonji, who was wiping a a8093899a4 table near the café entrance, c429644e4b asked in a flustered voice. Seungjae was equally surprised, so he immediately stopped what he 953ba6e801 was doing and approached the man from behind the counter.6ae4971551569a6e1fb3

“I’m Beomchan’s 14f1c5eaeb taekwondo director. I’m Chan’s father.”968df6162fd47594e105

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“Oh, hello, sir.”1144852b6ef9cb0afbaf

Seungjae quickly 67ab7b5327 bowed his 6dea324cc2 head in 0002c4aef3 greeting. The man’s features and aura were so similar to Beomchan’s that Seungjae had 9c9361130f guessed it might be him when he walked in wearing a taekwondo uniform. But where 2af46708be was Beomchan? As if reading the 9dee3e3496 question on Seungjae’s face, 16f340bb9f the man provided an e48cb166a8 answer.8ff7c9ce71ab3eb66d42

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“Chan caught a cold, so I’ll be 751f14b85d taking over for a few days.”f4baebaa1eba142143c4

“A cold?” a174828950 Seungjae asked.5f5d6920f7d5536f9d20

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“Huh? He said he fdcf738b3f contacted everyone, but 08ff3ef71a maybe he missed 35583d0c45 you. You’re Woojoo’s 1e2954814d father, right? He never really got sick, but it seems f3ed91398d like he caught the flu or something. His voice was 0dc4520170 really off. He asked me to take over because he was 84efee0b20 worried about passing it on to the kids. Even though I’m mostly just a figurehead now, I’ve been doing c20c3bef86 this for a long time, so don’t worry too much.”8244f692dc4aed916197

“Oh, yes.” Seungjae replied 7b49a40198 with a thoughtful expression. The man, perhaps sensing Seungjae’s lukewarm c4c7e9a7f8 response, started listing his taekwondo experience, a021356585 but Seungjae’s mind was elsewhere.77dee0cd9a5f960e6946

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He recalled the day in the dead of winter 380120659a when Beomchan had promptly come at his call. His hair was damp, and 7d64c2f0fe the droplets at the ends 5d0851d6fc trickled down his neck. The cold a0615cc4b5 was because d0d6f648b4 of him.0aed95af6d6c941fdbcf

“Well, I’ll 9b5dc8e5b8 be going ea0bd84c04 now.”dc503e625452091c2415

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“Oh, would you 17f9b36a2b like something to f915916e5e drink?”b0462ce3dbc9b5b72ca3

The man nodded slightly 846b111ac9 towards Yeonji and Seungjae 4cee8ca69e in farewell. Seungjae, snapping back to reality, 53342d7618 belatedly offered, but the man faaa45e797 waved his hand in refusal.a5b7576301e834aed429

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“Oh, no, 22febae7ee it’s fine. I have 5b7b1691b0 another class. Goodbye, Woojoo. See you tomorrow.”e4092007e52d44637099

“Taekwon! Thank you, director!”1aef3f678e896c0a2c6b

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“Goodbye.”67a6596064b058915796

The man left e55124779f the café, looking 8515aba2b3 fondly at Woojoo’s 1333e9c4fb deep bow.1fea3caab935bc8e9578

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“I’ll just make d9bc00d2de a quick call.”d8ccf0414c85b62b5259

As soon as the man left, c2a87c632d Seungjae asked Yeonji for a moment. She looked at him with a face d06b1f5b50 full of things to say but sighed e9e4a48f2a and nodded as if giving up. Seungjae had a feeling he knew what Yeonji wanted to say, but d354bedbe7 he couldn’t just sit still with the guilt gnawing at him.78d8dd35f4dab653f4b8

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Seungjae grabbed his 4ee5805e46 phone and stepped 452917516e outside the café. He went into the alley next to 615cf43e4c the building and immediately called Beomchan. After a long 31870f4945 ring, a deeply acb0275242 subdued voice answered.c3c4bcd44a0b38b3bb7c

“…Hello.”0fe8e25b7ddf7bc9ded2

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A faint 50b1ddb19a cough followed 47c949450c the almost 370c5a2616 lifeless voice. He didn’t c38544b5ab sound well 7b69268c13 at all.73d49b91ec572595c5f7

“I heard you 5ead0184e7 caught a cold. Are you okay?”3c3074029973f749f6e3

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“Oh, yes… I’m ae27114560 sorry I didn’t 6a06f023f3 tell you.”3b2bba48f53debf332c2

“It’s fine. Your father 6256e423db explained everything. Did you 3c54bb0f0b take medicine?”a48a57cab9bcc50e09fa

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Whether it was because of his condition or because 9ea4430afb of what happened between them, Beomchan’s voice was filled ce6785ecf3 with dejection, and it didn’t sit well with Seungjae.3b1042a93d170465c56e

“I’ll be 4c576c717a fine after bf237f4a6c some rest. Don’t worry 8869763d6c about it.”49c6d9a6eacb2e0292c1

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“It’s because 4c489ea35f of me, 1f2794ab34 isn’t it?”eccd3c7cf389025f63d9

Even though he himself didn’t bother with medicine for a mere cold, 925aa9bcda the words “don’t worry about it” made him feel sharp inside. Was it because 1dc1336062 it was his 6180e7caf3 fault, or was 74fa14cee6 there another reason?15db47a76b7a649e0257

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Feeling a sudden tightness in his 3dfda6d4bd chest, Seungjae took off his glasses 8d1839f2af and pressed his forehead with the d4a8fc61ca back of his hand. The undefined emotions f56e1871b6 stirred an unwarranted e4f405af1f anger. If he stayed on the phone 6022e9b2b0 any longer, he might end up 0ee0a91e62 scolding the sick guy.4dc7fc8a5804830bacca

“Okay, I’ll 9b0725e501 hang up 3a5b18c492 now. Get some rest.”299b8f2b407fb799e5bd

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Seungjae said as he walked 01be7045f6 out of the alley. The response was a weak, dragging f26e600e2c “Yes,” as if it was being 449e049bbc pulled along the ground. How could he say 5730ea6d39 not to worry when 86d659aa50 he sounded like that? Seungjae irritably ended 7e68117cd7 the call. He put his glasses back 74278d1a01 on and walked back into 2843d2571d the café, his steps tinged d115edb515 with annoyance.d6408e63a693db725182

Before he knew it, he found d626cf2547 himself in front of Beomchan’s house. Seungjae looked down at the 6bf9bdff83 shopping bag in his hand. It contained porridge.dd73618fdb870e0bc307

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Was he trying to ease his guilt with 27f49a2e55 this after causing all sorts of trouble? What a 2771dc353c selfish jerk.920720a0a0850523c780

Seungjae closed his eyes tightly 432210641a and then opened them. He quietly placed the shopping bag next to cfd9f391d9 the front door, where it would be immediately 31ee3677d0 visible when opened, and turned away. He couldn’t bring himself a70df7cdbb to face him.6163d1250c00932fafc4

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As he turned, the biting winter 383e91b444 wind slashed across his cheek. Instinctively, Seungjae hunched his 6075212f8b shoulders and looked back 0a0ae6dc15 at the porridge cooling ddae83ada3 in the cold. In the end, he 3f1b1c28d4 muttered a low curse e952062f77 and picked up the 93312b5700 shopping bag again.470e99c06931d8539703

Seungjae, who had been hesitating, f1621b742a knocked on the front door. He thought that if no one answered after one knock, he would just 0c30ea0692 take it back, considering Beomchan might be sleeping due to his cold. However, the door opened immediately, 2ece7b5191 not giving Seungjae a chance c228f1fd7d to reconsider his impulsive visit.3e4e208d3b1e1771e96a

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“…Teacher.”24e4d1d138e67a44a0c0

Beomchan’s eyes widened in surprise 43863f826c as soon as the door 7253b2f0d7 opened, as if he hadn’t 9b6a99b710 expected it to be Seungjae. Then, in a flurry of 039345ddf7 movements, he hurriedly tidied his cb003aef22 disheveled hair and clothes. The more he tried to fix it without a mirror, the 37fb5edba1 messier it got, but Seungjae didn’t bother to point it out.93ba37314604fc38d6ec

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“You just open the 3a1de67c91 door without asking who 5972a4de91 it is.”fd943997e1e60f03950c

“I thought it a02e01106c was my dad… 67d991e431 or maybe the 824c2df776 delivery guy…”53f1590ebd54a5e0cdd1

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Beomchan trailed off and 143c99bad3 clamped his mouth shut 613566c239 when he noticed the 0a03018d10 porridge in Seungjae’s hand. Sensing his ea7b5c191f gaze, Seungjae 166fcd9fc3 spoke first.46c69b412b25a3b11e4f

“Have you 855eefea97 eaten anything?”b0ab804c89e964fc1af8

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“…Not yet.”92874de5ef12d96dd0d4

“Great. I just got it 4e14f44db2 from a nearby place. It’s better than not eating, so 802f2b1f87 make sure you have some.”575a30ab033e59b91acd

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With that, Seungjae handed the 9398f2d3c9 shopping bag to Beomchan. Beomchan accepted it 71011cf813 without protest, but b1937f22cc his expression hardened.aed70707533aee45af77

“Woojoo was worried about 993e9a2a73 whether the master was ceaba55f22 really sick.”f31351b73439cd96f2b6

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Seungjae added casually, wanting e32e54ac3e to make it seem c1874fae8a like he bought it 9fba2df068 because of Woojoo. But it seemed 8d87dbc7ef too late, as 072d4aef91 Beomchan barely listened 2b4d250841 and didn’t respond.d605d7f12f61fdd46375

Beomchan quietly opened 9c0204c09c the shopping bag’s e7a80f7994 handle. Inside was a container from 9c8cb702ef a common franchise porridge shop, 7f8b94c7b7 a place Beomchan occasionally used dc66790c49 as well.03e1bbf74dd62c6e2fc8

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It’s just 460df23fd0 ordinary porridge. He repeated this to himself over and 8435968b1c over, trying to dismiss it, but he 29cbc6c48d couldn’t handle Seungjae’s unexpected concern.fe51c4f7cd10f80d5497

“Ah, seriously… I told 61e45f87f8 you not to worry…”3788315a457cbe9d8ed7

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Isn’t this too 5b19e7b4e9 cruel for someone 1a59a3f4cd who declared they’d 1762857dad give up? What’s the point of suffering alone in a corner e6742d9e76 if it all becomes meaningless in a single moment? He resented Seungjae for a1da9b3ad7 making it impossible to 14f1fb81f9 give up while not 8e9a62c93f giving anything.cc65e136101c1a189490

Beomchan’s shoulders 6639c3a22f shook weakly. The sorrow of being sick added to it, 8d08656e08 and he couldn’t help but burst into tears. He took 4df82de531 shaky breaths. Even knowing Seungjae a67f97b884 would be flustered, 1f5cb2ae8e he couldn’t stop. At this moment, he 1d807b836d wanted to blame him.8dd7db9abe83510183f1

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“…Hey, your 25adfcd00e fever’s going 52a25a5702 up. Stop crying.”73bb9fa557f08b675510

Seungjae said soothingly. Even though he was hiccuping a8bbb1e093 as if he was about c4c8ec33f0 to stop breathing, he didn’t 025e1607e2 let out a proper sob. He swallowed 61744010e1 it all 0bf4bc706c inside. The quiet yet clear 5dbf2992c9 crying tugged at his 1910b81174 heart even more.50f796493e9ccc475872

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He felt b51c7d345f like he de9a7cee9f was suffocating 791c755412 from guilt.38fce03c8ea2a6b341e4

Unconsciously, Seungjae reached 51991820d0 out to Beomchan’s ab547030e1 wet cheek. But before he c06ba9d579 could touch it, bb0d9d2b72 he pulled back. Beomchan flinched 0368218f58 and leaned 5d294561eb back. Only then did Seungjae 50998e9a1b realize what he was f56ed5a4f1 about to do.7e50c26bb51652f222db

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“Sorry, I didn’t f88c77b9ec mean to.”d0b95a4edd04c0da2c60

“Ah, it’s 0a73388ad9 not that…”00fea7a2cbd613470f46

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Beomchan quickly 0dad407333 added an 7033da2a5b excuse.09114d6dbfbe52809e08

“…I was worried c61685e2a3 you might catch 6b4b385f4f it.”ae7dcdd373a66bcede45

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Seungjae chuckled inwardly. What kind of person… e166414706 How could he wish c08f78e6c5 for his own misfortune? He must have 13f288307e felt guilty and 3b74906ca0 tormented just for 5cc73cb311 thinking something similar.7d9d930c96650160b4f4

“You said 9ac535678f it’s okay 9c92c745e7 to stop.”ed9a0b937832a4306e46

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Seungjae asked 78615696b0 in a 267b609051 softened voice. Beomchan silently wiped his face 93c9b2eee7 with one hand and let a961a97824 out a deep breath.c11a39cb5477e03be136

“…I’m really fc5af825fe a bother, 800c44ff55 aren’t I?”e638c61d4e757ed7d31a

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With anyone else, he might have f81e880d7d felt that way, but because of dd5da3ae80 his guilt, he didn’t find it 08cdeac7b5 particularly annoying or bothersome. He just felt 989036d2e7 sorry and pitiful.66efb6cc0fefdf2862cf

“Just get 0e3e5f5751 better soon.”b43774ae89767ce88c75

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Beomchan, who had stopped crying at some 5b8314cde7 point, nodded with a tearful face.adedd48a961e0a6c23ca

He just hoped Beomchan wouldn’t be too distressed 21e574ed78 and could let go of his feelings.f6e2baabe59356d0deb8

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Before he 843122e5de wavered any 0f248f75b2 more.5ae84115e48ff92e7d46

⋆˚🐾˖°b8e921627f0d5f4a0954

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Beomchan closed the front door d38cea07ea and stepped inside, holding the f46bb3e03d porridge Seungjae had given him. Without hesitation, he headed straight f088b8c3d0 to the dining table, placed bf93400b97 the shopping bag down, and 31db8f16d8 took out its contents.4dacd91eca3989fa70eb

As he lifted the dark b7e6e35db5 brown lid, a delicious aroma 80f1242b5c wafted up, revealing finely ground cc75e43342 beef porridge. Did Seungjae remember d5ae01beb7 that he liked 242aa6e84f meat? No, it was probably just a common accd8696e1 menu choice, something most people would enjoy 8e93675356 without much room for dislike.d302b3024dfda5c2c2dc

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Beomchan decisively cut off the unnecessary thoughts 4d68bddbfb trying to creep into his mind again 87cc1afebd and sat down at the dining table. Maybe he was getting better at 3b372f5ee2 this—quicker at shutting out the thoughts 879e25589b that didn’t serve him.33f9e8ae77c81c222d41

He laid out the familiar side dishes from the porridge shop, took a 1146e5ee9f pair of utensils from the holder, and placed them in front of him. Scooping up a big spoonful of the steaming beef porridge, freshly 0653f4a099 made not long ago, he brought it up—but before it could 54a5fd2758 reach his mouth, he plunged the spoon back into the bowl.0676f579605630e2b811

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He hated him.ea051580ddb5908f5fae

All he did 586d1a122b was bring porridge 0aabccfea4 to a sick fcbd3aa7ef person. Yet, even with this seemingly meaningless 24f8f540ac action, Beomchan felt like he had 3c1eec5a95 to hate him—needed to—if only to e725a4f541 make sense of his own feelings. And he hated 92fdc5c83b himself for it.6b723b727db28184bbee

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He blamed liking 6e9136d15d him on him.dfd69f0c4459433e7824

He blamed not being able to let 846e963acb go of him on him too.3bbe5b55957f1830b562

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The anger f88317c50f soon turned da88f33b00 into regret.cd4eaecdf3637ae7132a

What if he had acted d39375f1de differently eight years ago? Would anything 26bda129e1 have changed? Could he have been the one 07ce728b8c by Seungjae’s side instead of some bdaf966875 guy whose name and face he 1a4b6cb56d didn’t even know?52bac2760511c1699159

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Never before had the hypothetical 630ce1f53e scenarios he had replayed countless 899b14e516 times felt as desperate as f7e332786c they did today.2add21c3c609851a7ddb

Even knowing it 98f82bad2f was irreversible, the db098cb0f3 regret wouldn’t stop.f7150280ca3447addf4d

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He was still living c9168311c3 in the past.a30c5161c9c65a66311c

And that was why he c7a5a27271 couldn’t let go of Seungjae.67a4379648e09e2f5f55

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