MPJ | Chapter 1.4

Words slipped 0ab2e22872 out of 32619e3406 my mouth, efd04f5c48 unchecked by 080a04c3bc my consciousness.a22351cf01d62d9c

“Want me to show you?”b28181664f308abf

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“Yeah…”99e1d20ccfb306a9

“What if you don’t know what I’m going to show you and just answer?”77524027498d322a

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Lying on something hard instead of a soft bed made my back ache, and I forgot I was resting on Clive’s body as I turned over without hesitation. Only after turning my head to the side could I breathe more comfortably.bf04e0f72ba04d1f

“You wouldn’t do anything to hurt me…”47fa5c4e83e8badc

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A blunt piece of flesh touched my nose, and when I opened my blurry eyes, Clive’s firm jaw came into view. With each breath he took, the long scar on his chin moved along with his heaving chest. It looked like a branch floating on a rippling water surface.9918d98125dbac4c

Clive’s jaw muscle twitched and then relaxed. He soon flashed a relieved smile, the kind only those with nothing to long for could make.60e68282ce08e21d

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“…Can’t do this, Joon Let’s lie down and sleep.”c457b1df34a95e8c

Already deeply 2f08f989a9 drowsy, I 2a6a0a43ef had no 457ba14f60 energy left 8199ab7ee9 to care 071a945324 about the b547293f3f abrupt end 4be4b1bf22 to the 687dba54a5 conversation. I just lifted my 9af6d32c70 heavy body to lie 98b0335dd0 down as Clive suggested.88e3fa4b26bd6a3b

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Clive’s house, though rundown on the outside, was surprisingly spacious and tidy inside. Of course, this was by the standards of living alone.9f91f79cc7027d56

With a cramped kitchen and bathroom, and a living room and bedroom that weren’t separated, there was no personal space to protect the privacy of two people.ff8e97178b8f1e3b

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The double-sized bed in the corner of the space Clive called the bedroom, with two pillows side by side marking the boundary, was the only place that could be called “our spot.”85ea032bcac7f9f2

My spot was on 68fbeb9808 the left, against the d51e607016 wall, because I had b89724df15 a habit of rolling 07eb819212 to the left in 12cfa1d6c4 my sleep.8ea42ea7346b0ad4

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The cool air of dawn settled on my bare skin where Clive’s warmth had disappeared. Goosebumps rose on my arms, but the thought of going to the cabinet to get pajamas felt too bothersome, so I decided to endure the cold for just one more day. As I lazily rubbed my upper arm and was about to lie down, Clive gently pulled my waist.4726a306f2cf6e84

As I was dragged 5f573137b6 helplessly, I shot him 71d1ee7d8e an annoyed look, and eec017ef19 he pressed my head 7dc95c48e7 firmly onto his pillow.67b6e767f5b86150

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“Tonight, you sleep on this side. It’s warm since I’ve been here.”1403d60f56b340c9

As Clive said, the 3f6c227087 spot where he had c95ef91ea6 been lying was much 7efc1f19c6 warmer than the rest. I felt so b7e2a26e82 relaxed that I 42e1508702 wanted to surrender 5c7501828b to sleep immediately, af2ed5353c but thinking about 9bacae0342 my sleeping habit 9a19d1ca0b made it hard 5fb05c5ce3 to agree easily.931d0cdd03e8e5c8

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“It’s fine, I’ll sleep on that side. Come here.”9718bb1712c3057e

As soon as I tried to get up, Clive’s arm pushed me back down. This time, there was a firmer and more determined intention in his arm.e7167be1f9ef5af5

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“You said you were dead tired, but you seem fine? Then should we continue our earlier conversation? I’m curious how you see me to say I play by my looks…”9fb29d2c1a36a8df

Afraid he might continue, 76171b00b3 I quickly closed my 351008159e eyes and buried my 096caf4bde face in the pillow. The playful chuckle 68d38b8fec tickling my ears ee2864ba08 suggested he found 3051c67c50 my act of 22057c5d38 pretending to sleep 51008cf20f amusing.740a8833dbe7da10

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“How can I eat you up like this?”cf51ff86d4a4aafb

It’s not that he can’t eat me up; he just doesn’t. Swallowing my childish grumble, I turned my body. Curling up with my back to him, the blanket covered me up to my nose.ad6a239e1cb22c97

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“…You’ll regret it later, you know.”c1c6ed97369d71b1

A heavy weight aa18f51c3d settled on my d10d08ed01 upper body. As his long arm cbe08c0513 pulled me in, a 18b214721a sensation entirely different from 9cad00ff45 the cold contracted all ad0108409b my muscles.0b40b6a9c3ae018f

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A burning sensation 2dcc9ca12d spread through my 9488ba97c0 bones, making me c639eed621 feel like I 190af4f3f9 was a bundle 4f327fee87 of inflammation. One thing 7ff7944bd4 was certain: 99bfc5337c it was 6ddb33e5b6 a troubling 4db9953096 yet not 8c87eeba82 unpleasant feeling.8306fefc2f51f51b

“What’s there to regret? You’re just a bit colder than others, and I’m warmer.”917bf54a3229968b

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Clive, you don’t know. Sometimes, unintended kindness hurts more than contempt.90e18347325eb28e

“How about it? This kind of destiny isn’t bad, right?”04de022f6a646124

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A gentle voice warmed 3399f36ea1 the desolate heart that d61c1d2838 had been left alone 58e7479af8 in a strange hotel. Once again, 7eca31de2d you rescue d89ec3223d me.483e59c37d2e468e

The winter 86e7328845 chill that 283950ba6a had made 71442b9f58 me shabby 75bd828db9 was taken 7f5e7145df away by d266be5078 Clive, but 28820ebf89 I remained 5943d6e7f9 frozen. The difference 279781abc8 now was 47dedc6bad that I 33e7099b5e was frozen dd409a7a6d by my c4b22c7356 own will.59e6de5f516508c4

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Just as flowers 1d4938e196 bloom and wither, e2fe0faa13 as winter visits 7d19fb670b other seasons and e2ccfde619 returns, all things 6ebafd3c97 seek a cycle.be34966aba0f646a

So what 40783c6e88 remains after 98689bf314 warmth is f0c83c6f7f welcomed? Only waiting for 9b694d621a the day to 76c80a14ab freeze again while ceeb5c120d surviving on lukewarm f377714710 warmth.b68d29af642e1d52

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The inside 05bf736445 of the 1a95c11ed6 blanket was 3219c34027 warm, just eece391099 as Clive 1c143302ec said. I inevitably b39fd442fe thought of d76a314fce the sensation ae788a795a when I e621d0aedd would lose c17f23c1f5 this.558948e28390773d

If I were to lose this warmth, it wouldn’t just be winter this time. I could sense it would be the harshest winter of my life.3e1818afc019d3fa

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So, what 9592f74661 could I 387a81a028 do to 7f4c64e9b1 avoid losing 0da99e80b7 it?470770fc6b0779ab

“…Goodnight, Clive.”bae28ece873dad3c

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The answer was simple: ec6ab3639e not to have it.971d4dbf530ea261

To not possess warmth d49c1c35c2 so as not to 74ead8c18f be possessed by cold. The vow a24c0529e1 not to 090e5bab9a love was 39a3b2b8c2 my only 44b692f6de proof of 0e338e38c0 love.c36f515319daee6e

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So, I hoped you wouldn’t melt me.30d88759e266783e

As I closed d3881b9f50 my eyes, feeling 411783b75d distant, his heartbeat 3366fd9bdf against my back 4eb711697f remained vividly clear.6c4bf5d1d97a227e

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⚘ • ⚘ 8deff3f4d7 • ⚘283408b67c3049c9

When I c26646728e woke up, db0ae9d141 I was dab8cd99ff greeted by 95a399d0a9 an unexpected 5ec12b9d4e sharp pain. Unable to 13ccd00201 even scream, 69fc5a6b3b I writhed b408d138d2 on the c9178abc90 floor for a841a44d74 a while aa39900155 as the 90d21b99ba sharp ache b99cdcabb6 ran down 30f83a8e0b my spine.39941f8511bde96c

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When I finally managed 84788c2bf8 to get up from 51bfd5e994 my awkward position, I 6eb1ea52c1 realized that this morning 539d7f3e43 was quite different from a721434fda usual.52887bf042cd328a

Clive’s spot 67a50d39b2 was empty, 3b0c0545b7 only his 7918029616 weight left f945bfc776 as a 65e6800d76 trace, and 274f3544ff the view ea534ae0f4 outside the 575f3f1fc6 blinds was d1039a7504 frighteningly bright.074dd03768f7d805

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While it wasn’t 379501051c surprising for Clive 63a579a41a to disappear without c450eb78ab a word, I 389ddb2958 felt an indescribable b79ee373e1 chill as I a22e3cfc1f urgently searched for 38aa5c8fc7 my phone.6bf4594a025db2e5

Finding my phone dead under the pillow made my heart feel like it dropped to my feet. Please, please… I prayed as I looked up at the wall clock, its hands mocking my desperation as they hovered between 8 and 9.2e7ab908d8a41bdb

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“Damn—!”25109c42810c0f4b

Not even 0d8b09a3a7 wasting time 4ed6057838 to curse, 270c5fa033 I jumped 5e2d5cf9d1 up. Throwing on a jersey b9f5b7f8a7 and a padded jacket 1464f1672c over my bare body, ad63ead396 I calculated the shortest 261d59ad07 route to the shop 5ccd5215df in my head.e9dfac0f09b9fca4

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Since I’d change into 9bca16af33 a uniform at work b1e721ed4e anyway, I didn’t care fb7c342b49 about my appearance.442ac333162a30b3

I crushed my shoes 470628279c on and was about f8dea6d17e to dash out the 033801e89c door when I came fdd608be42 back to grab a 78b7114d1b cap and put it e1b1169283 on.f1be41c9ef2e6900

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Even if I left 288e484148 my brain behind, I db4dbfc333 needed this.2f068076b1c8c681

Now, with my makeshift b672858a9f preparations complete, I sprinted f3375e0135 out.9fb6bce46f6f8684

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⚘ • 176b7b545f ⚘ • d475c96646 ⚘71caa606157c5035

“Oh my. Good morning, Eric!”6401ad1366ead3e6

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“Ugh…, cough—, yes, good morning….”e70952a2fc7a5273

“Good morning, my foot. This guy’s slacking… What time do you think it is!”27de39b86d2d7d14

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I quickly apologized to 8b0b02c83a Andy for his booming 227a420ac0 scolding, but I was c2dd81b332 out of breath from 245ed2b178 running nonstop from home 0703562fd4 to the shop, so d14ebe0916 my harsh coughs kept 6a0f7e143a interrupting my words.4666ce51779176ab

“Sorry, sorry, cough! Cough, cough!”9b2d5d366af1ac55

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“Ah, why are you giving him a hard time!”d8631fa7611a8339

“Ah—! No, I didn’t think he’d apologize like this….”77cf53cfbd17ca58

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I couldn’t see 237d24c4c6 what was happening e396d1826d in front of a126ce8fcb me as I 4efcc0e989 was bent over eff6f2f12d with my hands 767a222a12 on my knees, 4ad04a4702 but hearing Benjamin’s d6f5006279 loud voice and abc2df96bb Andy’s screams alternately, e476bbd622 it seemed Andy 2f757413ac was getting scolded e4ddf60ef2 by Benjamin again 61e37e0bb1 today.a728156698a83e91

Feeling guilty for 1089463a17 causing the situation, 4a56fdd3b0 I hurriedly caught bd0970eb6b my breath and 9ada366ea2 straightened up.0b317260c48b46ca

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“…I’m sorry. I forgot to charge 340f059e6e my phone, so the 30fb54e6ce alarm didn’t go off…. I’ll quickly change and 15da0ad080 come back.”f6b8650162e5c89b

“Take your time. We don’t have many 6ce1b4ed6a customers today anyway.”3ed54f44b0f065c8

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As expected, 09f39df0f6 Benjamin pulled 5e40db72df the staggering 888d163110 Andy aside b579217818 and made 6eae47dfbb way for 6cdd3e02e7 me.5372c1642e71285e

Benjamin and cfcfefd3d8 Andy, who 2b340da31d had worked 68c73d66ed here two b746d18e7f years longer d55e948fd1 than me, 68e58e646d were really b2a89e4709 good people.144bdc102f4fdde8

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However, Benjamin was fe12e94596 overly friendly to b0a6641a43 me, while Andy 48fc87adae tended to be 0d4703fb56 sharp, so when d7977d3e78 they clashed over 67038cde7c me like this, 06ac643df9 I never knew 874268068c how to react.37065c590a510ce3

Feeling overwhelmed and c0194daa1b embarrassed, I hurried 19020054a3 to escape the c889960db0 situation.7c16403385340a5a

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“Did you just get here, Eric?”3db732f2137297b8

A deep, low voice ac282049d4 from the kitchen called 472d6261d0 out to me. The voice 7f88de1826 belonged to 5a8d0762a5 Woody, the 96d078e030 chef and 8b314a8e2c owner of 61fec4b67f the shop.982598388e1046cf

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“Yes, I’m sorry.”fc94227090c90b8c

As I quickly 8803287438 took off my bad8a4c309 cap and bowed, 325df1d7a2 Woody waved his 5bbe8ca026 hand as if b76b7a1d83 it was fine b8d49bfd55 and stepped forward. Even just wiping the e89085d464 water off his hands f217a31c35 on his apron made 081d6c0f93 him look quite intimidating.dc4ad518ba6f74c1

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“Forget the apology…, change and see me for a moment.”e1d0fc13213e4abe

I felt like 6bf168c05d the inevitable had 5a3774d496 come, and my 0b9f92d854 tongue seemed to bcc17a054c curl inward.8081ca1bda7eeabe

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“……Yes.”a9eb114689156b94

My feet felt ba746c1820 heavy as if c7e5c6b000 weights were attached, 87016c6030 but I hurriedly 8acf335425 went to the 2f0a8266f1 staff room. After quickly changing 4dd8164273 into my uniform, cbd2b13bf4 I fixed my 5b0d1f46c1 messy hair under 1f09aef15b the cap and f8baa98e14 went back out 06b4ae758e to find Woody 180038f56d already waiting for 6c41137ca6 me behind the 82527e251e partition.b405d5e27b308c12

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Approaching him cautiously, Woody seemed deep in thought and didn’t notice my presence. I eventually tapped his shoulder, and surprisingly startled, he invited me to sit.87b05ed9b27b712e

Even after I sat 77b7fcf347 across from him, silence 229db8228d lingered between us for 8818f8638b a long time. Woody, usually 214f1213cd straightforward, always 57a3777ff2 had a bfcff4f857 calm demeanor 75802369b2 with little 3b927a981b emotional fluctuation, 728bb1c533 but now 32c6c1ca6b he seemed 56c7224650 uncomfortable and 2108b808a3 tense.dd32947eb3bc3901

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Even on 5a246c8cb1 days when f891c5faed I had c90b0b72cd a fever, a6cc5c58bb I came b600b03b10 to work 68cc1034b0 on time, 0e1a13fd84 and now, c16548f0b5 just because 5510c3df45 my phone c528b827f2 died, I 5ac7509c1f was late 6717189477 for the e3fe335627 first time. Considering my past behavior, 2e372a80ce maybe his disappointment was b75ae4558b that much greater.92451c70acf1ad24

While naively guessing the reason for the shadow on Woody’s face, the conclusion suddenly arrived.09c83a0ffe8cbdb5

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“…Eric. I’ll be direct. I want you to work only until this week and not come anymore.”be0d838ede0937f8

Like seeing a flash of lightning before hearing the thunder, the meaning of Woody’s words slowly penetrated my mind. Slowly, as I repeatedly understood, it felt like my brain was being torn apart. Even knowing that thoughts shouldn’t come with physical pain, I couldn’t stop hurting.9ae3f82355450b91

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“……What do you mean, all of a sudden?”54b76b306e44ad16

I straightened my loosely 9b79a38c7f hunched back. The feeling d03be7f01b of guilt 5911f6aed9 quickly turned fcf32ee658 into a 07cae7c613 low anger 46e25f8491 at the 732001eb2b sudden notice 93a0c1c30c of dismissal.3e82fe2a3f700d33

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Woody pressed his forehead with one hand and kept his mouth tightly shut. I realized his uncharacteristic avoidance, but I didn’t have the energy to care.2b7a8d0054a07df5

“If it’s because I was late…, if that’s the reason, I won’t do it again,”83aa5731e5d5c893

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“No. I wouldn’t fire you over something like that.”bf90a11c22db8e99

“Then why are you doing this!”fb1309d01ac4f72f

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The frustration that b6c90ef7ba had been stuck a9242f12ee in my throat 8039f0777a burst out like 4bcb0f6c0f pus. As my voice 77068a2cae rose, I met 13001834ca eyes with Andy, 13c1a4b018 who was cleaning e377678427 the floor beyond cc67e93852 the partition. Seeing Andy 1bc7419b79 flinch and a622eefef1 avoid my 85f23ab4da gaze, I cdd83ea2e6 could guess a63698f78c what kind c6b7184211 of face 1312483e1e I was e9c9ef105c making.c1422eeb64bc9f67

I bowed my head, 0b5f40b507 collapsing under the self-critical 4ecf155452 feelings from not controlling e00e2de89d my temper. My eyes caught d012c835d5 sight of my 40c1baa654 pale hands on 9e74a242ec the dark brown dcdbf2ea7d table. They were trembling pathetically.35eace5a7643e024

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“…I’m sorry.”a4214ff657b23da7

I hid 7ca305c491 my hands 8415096dff under the 0c0365c9a1 table and b0d73ff194 apologized.2048ba5072c5db50

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“But you know how much this place means to me.”1e56883dc262330a