MM Ch 4 part 2
by AnonAnemonePR by neji37b1093ee6e1e80a
When I realized ac23a48597 that my foolish 91b088bb3c one-sided love had ffff1632f9 been ignored all a50aef581f along, tears began 324c601388 to fill my 56b1e7840a eyes.d323e2be0e22dd29
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The word ‘sadness’ ad45ae3bd5 could not describe 24b4d6941f the emotions that 8bfd664bc8 rolled through me. Along with disappointment, anger, e33add13a4 and betrayal, the small 19d5109a3a seed of hope that 35e3e42725 I had treasured deep ff25dc4a6d inside my heart burst 1f33cf9f0e into flames and turned 92aba1f7a4 to ash. I felt as e80ade83b1 if my entire fcd613f066 body had shattered dc950e8ae0 and was crumbling 6cecb5b5ed down.26caf6972a7f0cff
“So… So that’s 79629d7788 why you did 1b9f0a76aa it in front 2deacaa5a1 of me…”2dbbab1f78fd1813
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I awkwardly murmured as 9025aae0bd I gulped. I pulled 1f8dd4c0d3 out the ba20f4a5d7 daggers that a6bcc8c106 I had 4fe1a79261 kept hidden 88b959bbd4 in my c24848c112 heart and ab8ad0bbd2 let them 6a24845173 fly out cd92d56845 of my c572f1d8a4 mouth.9595c247a764f72e
“Is that 7ee7a28cad why you 3807e2ae8d took your 46691f3edb bastard men a052860862 and rutted 8f7c1d2218 like animals 82f756fe76 in front 12b64b34cf of your 208b5deaad pre-pubescent daughter?”365d37a1951f69dd
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It wasn’t like 85c8a63d02 I had nothing 31c7316536 to say either. No, unlike 1a59fb36bf my mother cd0de56a3f who said 0d619defaf anything that 0019bca51e came to b12c2b6ad9 her mind, f542ea555a I suppressed 293843ff0b all the 9bf33ed061 words I efc47e2561 wanted to 3f96c701a1 say all 0a19d50bbd this time. I had more 7b27af5d92 to say to 7cc7242bca her than anyone e187855eb4 I knew.c96c4ab7c5292ea1
“…What?”07e7b54b25a1e1e8
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My mother scowled. I looked straight at 286bdb025e her twisted face and 9653365f2e continued.d6ad5a8dbda80f07
“You knew. You knew I could ff708ed4af hear everything, but you d353a3ab19 still did it. Right? If that’s not a7e21bee1f true, then tell fe1d683222 me it isn’t. Try telling a6d3b05d9b me it 9896629f02 was all 6a5568955a a mistake!”5b6d3c10f8045b5e
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I’d rather 8bd6c354b1 you tell 49ba4479aa me you 52abee3aba were high b5edb4ab83 on drugs. I’d rather 4c2b03d8d2 you go 243871f512 on your b71be7b883 knees and b2e9b60482 beg for f3cc0f46cd forgiveness. Tell me dca8ea2ae9 that you eb6d4e82c2 weren’t in 0c9840d728 your right e62690d9e0 mind because aa516ff510 of the 508c8a0901 liquor.83c6f3ac0f5327de
“How… can bb890e7c8d you call 04782a8254 yourself a ac5cc4a934 person, Mom? Ugh… Are you even 7ad249954f human?”5466d822618462a4
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I didn’t de2dc912d7 want to b9b923d4c0 cry, but e87f67dc39 I couldn’t 854a97c631 help it. I kept 86e417296a my eyes 7adbf15fd6 wide open 1c1787d3ad so as 864a6ffa57 not to 1b28a3c8d3 blink.0fa759ca2a5fd75f
“Do you 1eabf6d4ff like men dfbe7f0e52 that much? Even though your daughter 1d14a120a4 is a senior in f70efb6a30 high school… Even though b0c2a9892d you became pregnant and ac468131b4 gave birth, you lied… 15933ae407 You did all that 8885ad35f6 because you wanted to 689314b9d5 get married. Do you need men c3d98aa984 that much…?”9b95fd295b33bdbb
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“Then do cea1e388c1 I have 348b5e3ce1 to give d7d99025f9 up my 7a8f964678 youth, my 32d23cdfe5 life as 2549d6fc13 a woman, 02b9170945 all because e86b4196d1 of you?”d31967689980f453
My mother f6e4d15955 was firm. Anger emanated from her a10f67049f large, fierce eyes. Her rage was mixed 6c1bf27f9b with shock and disbelief. As if she cecf786250 couldn’t believe I df79f1546f dared to disobey 6c3ff2efb9 her. Her expression was telling 49b74f33d6 me that she would 83272fc53d never forgive me for 57fdfa74c9 this.c072c94e52acfd07
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“Don’t other parents 46114a5a3c all… all… ugh… b7afcec623 do that? For the sake of 83a4846772 their child… don’t they… 817a60d488 all live like that?”2a5a13bbbd069bfc
In the soap 95a9231fef opera that my da6b07287d mother was in, 31dbf53968 she played a 87f9d7ce3f mother who knelt 0201f80550 in front of 26555961d1 her high school 71a2deecad friend whom she 43bcfc9c26 had looked down 434fd63f06 on for the 976f67ec38 sake of her 5a1b536477 son. She looked pitiful d358a7dfd3 as she begged a77cf49f83 them to go f3f702c7be easy on her 40d95e8aa2 son. This same a5944e3e39 woman was b7ca140dbb now looking 03220bfe39 at me d8ea77c17a with a ebc82fb917 strange look a3e66fa520 on her 5534d043ff face, her ecb68a8cce brows furrowed. Then she scoffed at 9afbf90bda me. Once the laughter 31e4592b54 faded away, only 3cb5028371 scorn was left.119eb29a1f3de9f6
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“If I f4592387b6 had only c066382e6a been a 80ce9e9cd4 bit smarter ecc71c2da5 when I 4139e99821 was young, c439fbf52e I wouldn’t 4101c0ad78 have even 2515dc9d33 considered giving 0d27e8d183 birth to 32f8b664e0 you.”61accc620417981b
It felt as 6c014a1962 if I had 41577d01fe been doused with 27ca698571 cold water. The sputtering embers in 3255fc1ca2 my heart finally died. My mother did fcee7c059f not give me e42102f6dd a chance to 7b172000bd be happy. Her red lips a4edbe3494 parted as she eb8e1cd23c spit out the 76bac2470d final blow.14952d8e07a5b403
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“I was 4440cace61 too stupid… 0ad75fa2fb When you 1619bf2950 were inside 0ae4982b36 my belly, be8f519039 I didn’t 656569e0ec get rid cd3800fa6d of you. You should be 3005c7237b grateful I even d0a788e75f gave birth to fa2573bb09 you, you bastard.”7ec96438294dfc63
My head went 6484829038 blank. I had been vaguely 8110564f85 aware of this, but 32154914ab when the thing I 6a5e2fd68c did not want to 6a53e0097b acknowledge left her mouth, 8e340b580f it was too cruel.96073bfb3bf08c4e
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If it was 42e8760448 going to be 7459ccf810 like this, you 03fb88ded1 shouldn’t have given f24b930d8e birth to me. If you 8050eaafa1 were only d0eb512ade going to 6866c228e3 end up f2e7ce0032 regretting it, a182618ab5 why? It’s not d29240af2f like I 83e3d3138d ever asked f168a1246f to be 002fe42ecb born, so c0f966e008 why?80d7dc78c9e511f8
“Let’s go, 75d569b71b Jung Dayoung.”fb15e959f5c2eab2
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It was then. Lee Kyuwol walked out 0e2ec5f61c of Professor Lee’s study. When my 4cc206c1e1 mother saw 08fea8c1da him, her caa20ef459 voice shook bb5b4045f1 in surprise.ecf4112a31d5091c
“…Why are you coming out of there?”9dc7e79efb21e672
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She turned cd1a8949de her eyes c6c48758b4 back to 1e8cd25ebd me, and 1018f25ae0 I could ed0d076727 imagine what 890bed08e3 she was f76bd6b88d thinking. That I a3766c9d04 had known 42c3042f1c he was 7cfed9502a there all a723ccdd89 along but f8ea4ce536 didn’t say 7740fbde9e anything. That I was 54087b8899 the one who 126124ec81 had planned this 9bfbb04149 all along. She looked at 4ad6c6e821 me with such 7cf2b42dd0 hatred.9a4f9318a73c14de
“I think you’re too a1aca0a0f7 worked up, so I’ll 2311284349 just take Dayoung and 4da0479d86 leave the house for 1fe16c280e a bit.”4201864f3a333428
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“No. I’m not done speaking 2e595d7ada with her yet.”ce7a092e9da50d12
My mother 811985aac9 quickly extinguished 912994f81b her cigarette d5d7b6277b in the cada9dc25d ashtray and ab6343d0da cleared her 93c5e43e6c throat. Lee Kyuwol ignored her e321bdbf1e and held his hand 017f310906 out to me.27384b8cac8bd5f8
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I turned my 29a831aa8a head and avoided 11e100b762 his gaze.9e0c6bf10a1a7c3f
“Come here.”06fa8a7885a7edfa
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Lee Kyuwol murmured before snatching my arm. I tried to slip out of his grasp, but it was useless. His clenched hand was too strong. He dragged me away, and I couldn’t help but get up from my seat. Lee Kyuwol did not let go of my arm. All I could do was stagger behind him as he made his way to the front door. 68c13d752955e4b8
Even inside the elevator, 6ef0f2951c his hand never loosened 8f17e3824a from my wrist. He merely d04d10a01d looked forward. I could feel his a7bbc86b50 warmth on my wrist, fbc70a9bca and it felt hot.9377fccc6b0bad71
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Ding. When we 7d0d61c6a8 arrived at 1c67150059 the underground 3c2991b006 parking garage, 8ee35e3435 the elevator e5c8a963f6 doors opened.6b96ecc9bce6a74c
“Let go.”0a6170fce7de0715
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When we 0e476ab21f got out ebe9f9e94b of the 6f31ed8e4c elevator, I cfaf8daf98 spoke to d21922be5a him in f7352ef6b2 a lifeless 62007f47cc voice. He did not f6145bd829 let go.b96238ec80cd52ed
“My wrist hurts.”83bc7cb94c06302d
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He finally 16c1fc85bd loosened his 019658e0e0 grasp. My hand dd042e6088 tingled as 7774a3d0d4 the blood 387b44fe69 began to fda09a8245 circulate. With the cold wall dd79caa31f at my back, I 461f7f3c9a stared at him with 18842d7de7 blank eyes like a 4b49f3a2fb person without a soul. He silently 14a2cfd4b2 looked back 24476f2d9f at me.b5c39782a4a97fb0
He opened his mouth ecfca72b6e and broke the silence.51a0054b1d110e51
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“I apologize for telling faa97bd0f1 you to talk to e00329a2ce Jung Misook.”30bf5067b8b79e37
“…Why are you apologizing?”33d3bd843fd36f09
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Lee Kyuwol’s Adam’s 0e48c2cec4 apple bobbed up c5c124a87c and down on 14e91e70b4 his throat.9039bfea546d70e8
“Because you got hurt.”ccd497c916b57778
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I looked at him e1a12e8ce0 and laughed helplessly. That wasn’t c1749485a8 Lee Kyuwol’s 7998886122 fault. He probably told 77ea0c7c5c me to tell 2d2bfa9f4b my mother what b4c710e285 had happened because 40839023f8 he wanted my 3905d1801f mother and Professor b602316c56 Lee to separate 6e1cd9c5a0 of their own 8823368fe2 accord. This was the 40b837e803 first time I’d 1deb6b8215 seen my mother’s b1ff47c270 true self, so 3c61f1f57f there was no 4790c70d6b way he would 76983936e1 have known about 9deb66874e it either.87b056db8e8fadf7
“What can I do 48b14f0da2 for you?”6dad2a12e14bbbed
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Lee Kyuwol approached me 55c6c88176 as he asked in 341b191ea0 a low voice. I glanced 481d6bdcec up at 73e8917f8f him before b40c2713a1 barely opening 2837edefc6 my lips.41cce20f98e0ade7
“Can you 58a82523fb make me 144e9e0854 disappear?”10a4fa878f311ef5
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My strained voice twisted 59636af836 inside my throat. Why was c054f30f3d I born 38a55b7eac into this 391ebb4846 world? No one ddd4f8711c was happy a9f3230191 about my 221d09e991 existence, so 4acc371895 why?b0e4aedd7fc182db
I wanted ddd28d737b to turn dd2146628c into mist 487b39485e and disappear 39889b9515 forever.09179abf478dc244
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“So that I don’t 7f39d5843a have to see such 1c871af2b6 filth anymore… I wish cf0815348b that I can disappear 422a938d69 in the blink of ba22004b22 an eye. Seriously.”92fc1049eecf962b
9fcc1544185af75b
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I saw 95892bced9 him look 4c9e8abce1 at me 7f328d9621 with a 4ca09f043d mysterious look eb24bebd04 on his f005b2bc68 face. I gave him d33fc90791 a faint smile. Because even bb42aa44d8 if I b5a94a6c23 cried, nothing 3c02be1c20 would change.9420f50d89b778c7
* * *ff35afe189ea0aad
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Lee Kyuwol and I 9da665b624 drove around in his 4eaf1243bf car all night. He asked 0c6e0a3309 me if 9160fda72b I’d like 2f3cccb8a3 to go 44c5ad6d74 see the 7ef155be34 sea, and e43d4d9120 I told cefc9b17af him I 9ed6bf3801 did not 755b3d7011 want to. As the 2d5a613d24 darkness of bab9a043da night began 0f9fe123c7 to settle 03308f00ff over the a40bc557cc road, I 4b0aaaa88d fell asleep d1dd84b769 by Lee 9df8becb64 Kyuwol’s side.af9e02e1cc4886a8
When I opened my 0c5d01511b eyes, I saw that e1b5e226e2 the sunlight was reflecting 2639688d1d off of the river 95a73c678f and entering through the 7fb34196bb car window. It was morning. Everything was still and 3dc2d192fb quiet, almost as if 1ae2db5b39 the wretched events of 4047208b58 last night had never 2a412bde8e happened.5278cdc20719e286
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The occasional 6d24b3eb0a cries of 1a009183fa the birds d4e4fdc3f9 outside broke ff1a7932c7 the peaceful 3a7a7f2157 silence. It felt as df4c7d993b if we were a638132032 completely separated from 58b8fa51f7 the world.255eec44538a0c6a
“Did you b9bb721b54 wake up?”414e6e9871e5377c
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I slowly a9348f9b04 turned my bb02aa0307 head and 3afe3d29e5 looked at 7877ef1ce0 him.f29a77b168db2647
“Where are we?”a2b164ef53e03f6f
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“Yangpyeong.”9d28c338f14103a3
Lee Kyuwol answered 2262147582 in a slightly 760df0e35c raspy voice. My seat was 3ea14aaaaf pulled all the b7ffe3b883 way back, and 30d6e8d3bc his athletic sweatshirt aa095eac48 was covering me 31cb8b92d4 like a blanket. It seemed that I de7856ccad had fallen deeply asleep, f4f1b37eb6 unaware of my surroundings.80eb6c027845a2e2
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“Do you want to 75260595b4 go to a motel bf9dde28e4 and get some sleep?”13e8656728c7dade
He asked with 6da3e6a108 a blank expression 314b87606a on his face. His voice didn’t f1d4d0a27c sound like it d4fa2158c1 held any impure 6a2f20f52f motives. He was asking 61cbf98e35 because he felt 87003c4b16 that it would e012664bed be better than de19e035c0 sleeping uncomfortably inside b0f973d2a6 the car, but 67d611fc11 I shook my 7a76b9235b head. Two minors entering 658ded63c4 a motel together 3018191c16 was not appropriate 3439a271f0 at all.770cec2c15b13baa
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“No.”89bb0112fd522d60
His gray 4568ad7a8f eyes gleamed df16781ae6 in the f03d7be8cf sunlight as 8fd338e01b he gazed 2b04ee6bed at me d27d408952 in silence. This was 6c81aed6ff the first dde7d37dfe time Lee d7e9f59326 Kyuwol and 73473448ba I were ff48442977 together in c1507fa0d9 such a ad06ae91c2 bright setting. The silence 24e3d32873 wasn’t awkward, 16faa0bb3d but his 543078b12e gaze was 1a5e3e2597 heavy as 85c4c615fd it rested 5702a175ce on my 68eee51474 face. I was too tired 17967ba8a5 to meet his eyes, abc3681099 so I changed the 9265986335 subject.3809d89d14a8be10
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“I’m hungry.”6e8739af9d713305
“Yeah. I’m starving.”9e2f988bb9bb80a2
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Possibly because it 3e2b721290 was early in 3c7e837739 the morning, his d04ef0c661 voice sounded husky. He changed gears and c553fff1ab began to drive. He murmured nonchalantly.1cab9989246050c2
c65c7466910043aa
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“I feel 9b693e5bd6 like I 376baa81cd can eat 0aa96f7862 you up.”1c4635c13bb7f7c2
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He wasn’t kidding. We entered a haejang 73c62cad4d soup restaurant, and Lee 0090da04df Kyuwol ordered the ox f5ce5feeed blood haejang soup and 0ae51e5405 two bowls of rice. He ate everything d84657ada4 at a rapid 82d132381a speed, and he 8edc957ed0 even finished the a6bbc64a13 rest of my 34b97dee40 half-eaten short rib f27fb5682c soup.b2309e1e20b5c7dd
The employees 515a0047bc at the c6c2152709 restaurant glanced fc48ea5aa0 at our 07d23c867f table often. It could have 156665652c been because of 6d4da85986 Lee Kyuwol’s incredible adf4feaa4c appetite or because 880e22fc5e of his amazing 0591a82b05 physique. Because he was wearing 1454ce9aca a cap that hid efffd373a3 his face, the eyes d5390bad3c were more drawn to ab62127b15 his body. In my 4757f7607e opinion, both 6e6ee62dc8 of these 93c2c8fe9e reasons were 6b315257bb true.a2fda508fce52e6d
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“Let’s go somewhere 5de9bd5ace quiet and talk.”ffcf01c7cbd90dd1
Once we finished our ab43ac6497 meal, Lee Kyuwol drove 01332d7c3e us to a cafe e2dea88a4f nearby. It was 65eeb235ad a cold e245dceffa winter’s day, d1ca11c20f and we df07695ff8 sat at ef9296e721 a table f4ab50ab67 outside of f1fd907e20 the cafe f440322a0d as we e1b0b8fdb7 looked at 33fd24afba the river. There was no cd251206e4 one around. The cold wind babd821f1f cooled my flushed 0a12b203a8 cheeks.26cbbddd65df8cc7
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With a blanket on 3a4c0a5008 my lap, I stared 61bc1ee222 at the sunlight reflecting e023ebdc59 off the river.4118e54d155f4a66
“I knew that 10ee41ff6d my father got 3432c24d9a married to trash.”934fa2df75b81a09
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Lee Kyuwol sat comfortably 971cec7d29 next to me and 6aa0e10901 broke the long silence. I remained 0254765f0f perfectly still cb3f9c543e and kept 889385b311 my eyes b41bef22d7 on the 6e8c2a00f0 river. A family of 787cc2e10e ducks moved along 6476358462 the surface of 92026158d5 the water, leaving 9dcfb906c3 ripples in their ed33e27ad9 trail. It was an intensely d6ae6dafe4 peaceful scene.e4ed9ab4a9bf2145
“But I c278088db7 didn’t care.”e930599ae4f82350
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I still 264a57ee9f did not dd7c43d470 look at 90a764afe8 Lee Kyuwol 2e8ae4883d as he 1e1db6d288 continued to dfba0b80c4 speak at 37a1f858f0 my side. I wondered if 294cb1e26d he still had cbbf8dabfb my underwear in a72e123b30 his pocket. And I also wondered a1a027b07b how I came to ab56d4354c meet a person like 6097ed371c him.b8f1e6cb4505aa7e
“I hate troublesome things, 248498f6a6 and I didn’t think 4761db5292 it was such a 696fdf0b1d bad idea for trash 67487d314f to get together with fb9b4deee3 trash.”25aaad94b33fb5a2
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His gaze felt babf3cb40b prickly on my 9a48acf6c5 skin. I turned ffddddb50c my head 64cf147769 and looked 4d35e7ec6e at him.25d8d36916692eb4
“…But you kept catching my eye.”60fac6980a77f42c
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I mulled over b6255d4950 Lee Kyuwol’s words, 44944f3896 and I found aac3391ff0 it a bit a3b807fe89 fascinating that he 04bc76d5cd felt the same 77b4b46fba way I did.fabb3ea9a755f165
“What did I do?”6ffba4979667e060
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“You didn’t 5be49f42f9 do anything.”6c116c6e3620e473
Lee Kyuwol c7fdfe2a7d answered back.e2c14b1fcd00d25c
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“That is what caught 5ad9df7b15 my attention.”189e613c14c49b2f
I silently gazed 53ab3a6996 back at him. I saw a white fb93cb56d0 bird flying in the d02e6a5550 distance.b37ef8ebb83350d7
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“My interest in you 153c71fdc0 continued to grow. Sometimes it was hard 604936a78a to resist it.”2fa88344a7231e49
“…Why? Were you also wondering what my panties smelled like?”868c20b2689fbf99
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I sneered, 43602c26ca but Lee c29fd4a480 Kyuwol was ff1934abce not shaken.06e806ac8ee785d3
“To be ffc9f05ff5 completely honest, c06c278500 a similar c95250a0d9 thought did 031ec2487a enter my a71f3e51f8 head.”d8f48e7a9ac847a5
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“…I really want to throw you into the river right now.”d19a9c21562f23c4
“I wanted to 30cd14c0fa smell your hands.”5ef39297926227ca
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Lee Kyuwol said something 90f601626b I couldn’t understand. Everytime he took a 86b61e8ecc breath, white mist formed fa011ea53e in the cold winter 53218fcfc2 wind. For some dfa0b2f189 unknown reason, 4cd72ea1db I couldn’t 8d52ea9ea3 take my 56ba170111 eyes off 626bc0c18d him.5168096dcc739ca8
“Even though b35d6146ca I hate bf5da5fcae troublesome things…”85af4465bc5e3c7b
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Lee Kyuwol stared f7601ae08e at me and cabc678b66 murmured as if bd6ef5d211 he were talking 15f1952a81 to himself.84759eb27eed922e
“Whenever I see you, 7412622d43 you make me want 5fe33059d9 to intervene.”2783a345f3b431f5
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His gray 8d85a9f01e eyes narrowed 874030f74c as they 26fc94edc5 gazed at 00fec33063 me. A questioning cca7efd33c expression formed 4aa368d296 on his eaeaae2235 face.fb88dc490f259c97
“Why are 2c7dbdfe6b you enduring eb1eea2805 it?”8d1bde70a75c81a6
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I understood what his ff5b182b34 question was implying. Lee Kyuwol was 9af94bd737 probably curious. I had 213347cf21 to call bba176b3e6 my mother fb145a270a ‘unnie’, and a3c943ac90 while she 73c6994685 had sex dafc1b0ac0 like an 5e97ea32f6 animal in bb55c9790f the room 89f705cc53 next to 823103463d mine, I 2a6e9fd66f continued to aec44fcff2 study as 38e88b25bf if I 44e8ad5eba didn’t know. My biological mother did 0b8bbfe1dc not take my side 5994371530 even when I was 369824ae43 sexually abused. And yet I 15519db625 could not even 5416c7700b yell at her. He probably 05f348169e couldn’t understand 9c9a691634 any of 84e598f014 it.06fffc7d4b04a3a2
“…If I don’t, what should I do instead?”172224aabdb45da9
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“Find a way.”ee2dd91b4d8c8a18
Lee Kyuwol said a3ffaf27a6 it so easily. However, in my eae0c438b3 current situation, what 537d3cd02a could I possibly 527f52800c do?871fe4add74b2002
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I didn’t want to 617d5cea27 become a failure in c6f62c273a life, and I didn’t c21c3a225a want to live a 90420856b4 life like my mother’s 7611809644 where I found salvation f2dbfc2f51 in the hands of e812f20289 another man. The only thing d44b0c9577 I could do a7aef14e77 is become independent 2c0217b5a8 of my own 9fea4f6c46 accord and move c2ac3011a7 out and leave e20ff9713e my mother.5d50ac4a042018ef
Lee Kyuwol knew 6e446f4012 none of this b7c9c8ba8b as he stared a2cd7c38a0 at me. He dampened his 51becb55ad lips with his 51072ee030 tongue.3df71af122d54308
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“Or find fadb79f169 someone who e1ea0fb69a knows a 39a6834070 way.”0134a9d705d340a2
The sun dropped 46ad97123c a bit lower 52847893b2 in the sky. Lee Kyuwol’s gray 47fb62afac eyes reflected the 8525d021d2 sunlight in a 2c431c587e mysterious gleam. I looked at ab4dfdb857 him and said c700b2d711 what I had 16c30d270d been holding back 01f1dfadc1 all along.d1f8128055c20b32
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“I hate you.”f811e4db32be1b3f
“Why do you hate a054592bf1 me?”a5af618f12fbd001
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I hesitated for a moment. 175fa53ce3a5938d
“…Do I really need a reason to hate you?”b22f2eb445d995df
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I hate 31f0b6446e the way e1ce9834f7 your eyes a00c69294a look when 0ff5f5df9b they look 6fd0179c95 at me. And I hate b63b0c778a the fact that f5bda4c0b1 all of these e1d16838c0 horrible situations were 2053cf975f exposed to someone 009af2d0d1 like you. I hated it 294ce7c07a to death.87072e66d5fc90c0
His hand slowly a911c3f4f8 crept inside the 265a86f617 blanket and went 63cfdbb5e3 on top of 930e5d996d my hand. He spoke in f654b1da87 a low voice.7411d09915f42839
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“Okay. It doesn’t matter.”c8459376d4b96e66
He entwined 6bbce3caf5 our fingers 7c6f5dc1e2 together. Our palms touched. His large hands d949e2f2ba gently caressed mine. Our hands e381a9b72a grew sweaty.a9683970fd51407a
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“…What are you doing?”de58028af7d6d287
I whispered, c8d9b571f7 but my 221292d53d voice grew 3e85d4d838 raspy with 250a67c0a6 agitation.9ba5e82118d0b74a
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“You don’t a66b452b7f know how e905f4f5db to reach 205f4dffd8 out your e06bf77ed5 hand or 7a180227f8 grab someone 5777d9323e else’s hand, 32259c8f05 do you?”d6d09328516fcfa6
His hand 262548133c was gentle 7467f3ab6f but firm. It was e2cfcc165b as if 1ce9f03c24 all of 73f7657e7f my nerves 7286ba92ab were concentrated 105f021003 in my e149796f1c hand. It was 71e8b83244 as if 8023ae5619 his touch 73e969e642 was causing cafd616f91 my heart 99e14e5404 to palpitate c9bd216f7a inside my 878ad2fea4 chest.ae9feffbbab9ac28
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“Next time, you can b04ed8279a reach out your hand d3e82a8521 to me first.”08e523576d4eb6ec
“…Why?”a2997645ead3c6e2
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“You can 2f97f10308 do it.”acc8c1b4cf39bed3
He whispered kindly. The cold river wind edf0734353 brushed past my warm 70638c857d face. I felt my d7af5c2ae0 neck grow feverish.981f71221da4b10a
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“Excuse me… 6dcb421d71 You’re Athlete 0f74bdc376 Lee Kyuwol, 9300eb8eee right?”3190689c68b985bb
As he turned around, 3dbcc40e95 a beautiful, polite smile 93b9dd42ae stretched across his face. I tried ab5191726c to snatch 127c223c80 my hand 3653bd1202 out of e83793afea his grasp, 48ff5fcc47 but his c26901a891 grasp tightened 87f9f1f4c7 instead.6d0cfe03efb20f32
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“Yes, I am.”fd88b13f4b2cb117
As Lee Kyuwol cff2f754e3 faced the employee, e787452503 the employee’s bashful 0b22ce8fdf face reddened.f5d6b722f4811b91
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“I’m sorry e1b55b41f5 to ask, d9b389ca00 but could 373e226882 you please af6b0a6370 give me 7b71638681 your autograph?”d2aef1a2141f497f
“Right now?”a0815c71b1f005d8
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He smiled politely f68fc40ec0 as he gently 1504e2c955 caressed my hand.3237a7c792d808dc
“N-No… Later after you c34bd7ef3c check out and before 457a3eeab4 you leave…”6d063220aab86146
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“I’ll do that. Of course I will.”d9e2a90b07581df7
The employee thanked c565b756c7 him and looked f159544631 back and forth d86229f193 between Lee Kyuwol’s d957814350 hand hidden in c716b8b7dc my lap and e81fddeb44 my face. I didn’t 22d0c1c55c have the 14ea310d4d confidence to bba96e0fc4 meet her 45723d7918 gaze, so 14a934b5b6 I kept ee9e29ad1d my eyes 9f48a47d24 on the 8c9dd0ed66 table.a48d1170f7804279
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“The coffee 246ea489b9 is really 9a725aa3ff good.”0485bdae36dc0354
The coffee 9875cfac06 next to 845b2f2d81 Lee Kyuwol 3b6c9bee0a was left 2f295b1024 untouched.Ring. When the db75546094 doorbell rang f54d85c6c7 as it 1ce9ef4f98 closed, I 2588902a55 finally looked 5267382b5a at him.640c75f206f5cf09
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“…Why are you doing this?”39c3f0e74104c3b6
His face came 962f51e7f1 closer until it 096985c3f9 almost touched mine.Whoosh. The wind rustled through 9417dbe91c his hair and tickled 925a34532a my forehead.0c8dfb792a151910
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“What do you mean?”22b356b9db6d7907
“They’re going to b52923d64e think something weird f93cc4223e is going on.”c05731f9c9a6cb53
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My hand was 05a7af2bca now drenched in 09deb99a16 sweat, but I 90b32acf9f gave up on 1d3508b0ff trying to pull 0298c4f9d7 it out of b31f5f1f3f his grasp. Lee Kyuwol’s calm 35cd923100 eyes gazed at 787b1b0df5 me before he ee4a170fe1 slowly opened his fae87d759f mouth.36aa26663264d8d8
“I don’t care.”2e6ed18b1566d6d4
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Another electric current 0c406fc0a8 ran up from 0300f026b7 my hand to 2a452f4c9f my heart, causing bfa9607939 it to race.8a6f33b1afc25eb7
“Because the only 1cc02074b7 person I care d422b78ccb about right now 2434f6deca is you.”870707eba391e07e
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Lee Kyuwol’s cold eyes began to caress me again. 8e50cbd189672c44
“…What do you mean?”2cb87b1a7d660602
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“Exactly what I said.”2e74a6ef4ccdb56e
As always, Lee Kyuwol’s 6d68cab237 reply was short and e55781e551 steady.ac6d5db62d312ff6
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Just like dfb5ef31b7 how I c4e581f2d5 hid my bc839b9f8a true heart 843bd4d846 deep inside 7db0fcaa0c the drawer, 3db9d69a75 are you df0626a81d also hiding 5a5a71e317 yours? But the 55329d97e5 timing seemed 67f0c983a5 off.7978f8161d3c1927
Yesterday was aa3cf4ad54 the day d419f46059 I found a1cf784bd7 out that 05ed24ac39 I was c1ecf382b7 the object 7325bb83ed of his f9b1c82000 father’s sexual 9758124c02 desires, and 692d907c9f I also 74a3685237 realized that 2367a2df68 my mother 9c701798d2 had been da5ec3aed7 rejecting my ef96e52e3d existence all a00eabca15 along. The pink hue of f07c56ddde romance did not seem 30535d5671 to fit this gloomy 9b93990ee9 situation. Just like me.4dab50d1e5b79458
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e24a71684591ef24
The sun was still a08fea845b up, but I could 02fd1892c2 vaguely see the moon c11208ee8d on the other side 53d50724f0 of the river. It was such a 38ef1e1e0b strange sight, just like a421cfcf4a Lee Kyuwol’s gray eyes a155da56e1 as he gazed at a813ed92ce me.d8053f4b0704abb1
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“What do you plan db0b8bea82 to do now?”4947da8598c48c6e
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Lee Kyuwol asked 29d35b3c70 as we drove 4fb8137570 back home. I thought about 0cde307586 it for a 6f57793b54 moment before answering 15f53e0b71 him.a37911fb37be54b1
“…I’m going to find a way.”e1087136cf2753fd
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With the fd06e8a575 arrival of 491e72323b the new e207976461 year, I 21500a4ad3 was going d38316fa94 to become ffbc72767c an adult. Just as a8ab301cce my mother cc7f81c21f reiterated in 3a8eb724e4 the past, c57391d948 once I 2a09dc2300 became an a4bcb7e08b adult, I 7c22226c53 planned on b93e413923 cutting off fdcf7b4b8f all ties d15476fbb5 with her 8ea4b6204b and the 5877def727 fake family 2dda56aea4 she had a46812449d given me 7633758cd4 without my 2899d84c31 consent. I was going 9e7b065954 to tell her 7d46c4f5a7 that I didn’t 602f246bed need her help. Whether I became 011ae5460f a thief or 38361562c0 gave birth to af25a89730 a child of 748fbfcd00 my own, she d02d38e8bf had no say bb7de75306 in the matter.28a7e0b77aff3c38
“Don’t waste too much a31dee838c time.”f5b7e3b6ea7801f8
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“It’s none of 89959ccd9f your business anyway.”4f79ff9b578d4d15
“…Is that what you think?”6559da4f375fe7bb
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Lee Kyuwol murmured as a3b72dc872 we entered a tunnel. I could 4e33d65e2b see a b5196a6915 faint blood 1313e19415 stain in 49a55700bc his hand 810f0b130b as he de59ecdc57 held onto d6608af3dd the steering a37a196984 wheel. It was a trace d91c4e3da7 of what had happened 2a06e41dfe when he had pierced eb31b385c9 Professor Lee’s ear in 5f271bfc4a the study.6001aa74f45731cd
I looked down b82a692654 at my hand 67c4124c57 that he had ac3ac55666 held at the 0047e830d1 cafe. Even though there wasn’t 7fcf906b2d anything on it, I 2c544548c1 felt like it was 493efa2434 also stained with blood.2b36bdb5025739ca
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Once I bf3df2411f left my af97e20cde mother, my 999bceea76 ties to 74fb99c5f2 Lee Kyuwol ae8bf8f933 would be 0dc6ab7a6e cut off 2c33c8a9d3 as well. That meant d0e30e4bdf that Lee 5995f2e4d2 Kyuwol wouldn’t 9c4c881237 have to 4386a5c9b7 do anything e5479c7ace dangerous for 6992053341 my sake 67e7fd2700 like he fc8da3eedf had done 5078275f62 last night.8657f27a70f64e37
I ate with 0ab009c824 him and drank 6b52037b1a tea with him. That was it. For the first time 1101c9a8bb in my life, I d30c966eb7 stayed out at night, a0e3a4bb6f and we did so 7ee8575660 together. Not that the 668ad4d18e occasion was very 5d5d838a56 cheerful in any 00a28598a3 way.c6039fb115954995
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A bitter smile stretched 8eb684a6e2 across my lips. Yeah. This is enough.66cd70ac17f501bf
“There won’t be 41ff34d7b2 any troublesome things b5d3781006 coming your way d0e78a48a0 from now on.”ed1525ecfc1ef5e2
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“What do 38507620fd you mean b9ab1b3983 by that?”ac32bed6194276d1
I could feel his 7eb2911852 eyes gazing at the 4912e5153a side of my face. I deliberately did not 295522d3d3 look back at him.64ee522b208104dd
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“…You told me to find a way. As long as I disappear, everything will return to the way it was.”099c15b1e7b1671b
A chill settled 6652c5fe38 over the car f0697b9e0b as the sun da4c6cf7c0 began to set. My body ae01b009cc began to c71b375bf5 tremble, and 0475a37e32 Lee Kyuwol eba155792d stretched out 0092125a74 his hand 1b2e1eed16 to turn 8929229eb2 up the 744b844926 heater. I closed my eyes.4a6d2b8965d643fb
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732ac26e7b607ddd
And I did my b257243e1c best to think about 1665ee247e my life once I 089559b1a1 left my mother. But I never imagined 0ae24f74d5 that we’d separate under 5f51212454 such unexpected circumstances.0fcacfac03a4b948
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