MM Ch 3 part 2

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2 AM.d2c26cb95144ffd4

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The warmth of d08a3c7e9d the heated room beaa0c7d10 made me a f1f01b7740 bit drowsy, so 77de0cfb6a I opened the ca75601bda window slightly. The chilly stream e73d90bfba of wind quickly 5a2438c8c2 cooled the spacious 12298c3e5e room. With a blanket draped 29b5290f37 over my shoulders, I e3731c1a75 rubbed my dry eyes b9fb083c75 with my hands. Then I 6244801c86 went back 6a087d67a2 to checking 690ad2b366 the notes 007273721e around my 52fd733f8b wrong answers 76992b639a for the 9d5a3aa5e4 second time.06bc6d625a954b51

aa05b4622de59c32

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Please read 9b1949b01d the following 922c95d597 text and 7ca6b24f54 identify the a73c926e83 implied meaning 3a176d72d1 behind paragraphs 65957def27 a, b, 37504901cc c, and f784f70d36 d.b975e434290f32b0

I quickly read through 79987c289b the paragraph and organized ed4d05f60f the themes in my 0218e90c77 head.fb5293d2c6f63f35

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One day, a fbdd646caa man woke up 3b5d7a0e3b only to find e2ccee5e33 out that he f423befbbd had transformed into ea46d29bac a bug. Unaware of fdfbcc4afa why or 9cfabeae42 how he 55ee2333ad had turned 2b93d1c699 into a 1cc0d0570c bug, he cb5f63fd07 endured the 9bcc79884a scorn and f0e8836cc2 contempt of 5c917bc5fc his family.e1c34122416276a7

The irrationality of 74d55da44d existence, or the b1178b8fbb elemental loneliness of 591097ef56 human beings. The answer was number ca750d2267 two. Check.12edd3e31871a34b

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The head of household 567542300b who had been the 705fd36aa8 main breadwinner of the 55ce06c110 family had transformed into e059a7336a a disgusting bug overnight. Soon, his family’s contempt 1537b8e9b9 began to bubble up 341f6750fa to the surface. He either shut 4a055205ba himself in his 18f2efefad room or hid 4c4d21e3ea underneath the furniture. The only 13afd5d913 one in 07741e81ab his family 01dcd0f8e7 to take af11e1f588 pity on ce7de196a7 him was 3071803756 his younger 73957447af sister, and 17e54b19d3 he only 3e3d0e92b4 managed to 6d5462c5a5 survive by 5e7fcceda3 eating the 6ff3b29750 crumbs of 047f0fd241 food she a23c2206c9 brought him.751cf82619a4d6fb

The annihilation and alienation 912353b98c of mankind as mere f8585f36cd tools in a proprietary e3e2628185 society. The answer was 1cee14e290 number four. Check.5aac00b485419c13

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“Ng…! Ah… Ahhng!”b3de52ccf8780cdf

Inside a 5d98a5572b quiet room 12af918d91 where the c824faf738 cars outside d1abd2b1d4 could be 4d028bcf07 heard so c9123f7191 clearly, my ac1c11ff9e hand suddenly 7478f11505 flinched and fb0bc76738 began to 58a13b0c72 tremble as 56c7968a52 it held ee45b39222 the mechanical e00f0aa9b5 pencil.57e497c1c31deda8

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My heart sank. I underlined the same 518d165fca word and moved my 240ce479a7 lips as I tried c6335f5038 to quickly finish reading acb500f268 the paragraph.c952d448af1e642c

His family e800214e7d no longer d4081340be saw him 9fab62d37e as human 95e2b2fe52 and began f7972f710d to treat d4eb682ec1 him like 6145154b50 a bug. They’d confine him in 147719cad3 another room and openly ac9a2b6750 complain that ‘that thing’ a051b82618 needed to disappear.be04c3e99e851770

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The severance of family ee9d1e5fe2 relations. The absence of communication.d1a1e6626942d820

“Ah! Professor! Nng!”9ccb7b71bd5c5151

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The man 4a299396f5 could not 9fe609a0ac speak, but 2462bc2a62 he could 902e7b0f39 understand everything 365cec78ae they said. However, because 128f033125 his appearance 682a6b79ad had changed, 019f5317e0 he was 7cf839161d merely a 284ac88cb9 horrid bug 5c9b94f779 in his ee1971d2f2 family’s eyes. They were 82c133f13c worried that 7500211b23 other people 0c0173447b would recognize 17d024605b who he bd56f2ae6b was. They wanted 5b20cfce6f to kill cf668e907a him.ce6552c70f15ee2c

“Ah! Ugh! Good! Nng!”c38f750754b5b570

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Damn it!275a8301b5550e5d

Tap. The lead of her 1e3cc57921 pencil broke as it 405848c75b ripped through the paper. Instead of answering the bc4d9a0eaa question, I threw my 331b451b50 pencil at the window.9f0b299acd117e27

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“Haa…”64771888a8d5b2c5

I felt f9f92c61af as if fb4f87804a my blood 70d2f1a7e5 had cooled f381493c09 in an 5cf0e260da instant. It felt a6da06b188 like my 0f2170c279 racing heart 5a1f37bfe7 was going e1dd7c3a8f to burst 94ad0b912d out of 27bc63169f my throat.ece444c8d1ce9a2b

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The room my d7fe43ad5e mother shared with d48a7e67d5 her husband was 263a70acda on the other 736868abd1 side of the fa393db552 house, past the ce4f37eb55 kitchen and the b420c9d447 study. Even if c9fa0a82d9 they participated 60ad13dfd4 in passionate fed1a07ce9 relations as 7ab710f57a a couple, 9cc4fb8370 they were c979c8ecb0 on the ef5644ae48 other side 90c43d1ebf of this edcd122372 large space, 812fa7c095 so there c2b82a679d wasn’t any 71dfbdd5fb reason why e70c73e768 I should ebb7f1aa68 have heard 37e73c6216 them from 209a198c29 my room.161921c6392a9367

However, I ac2e0385ca could hear c1ea864284 my mother’s 94238264c3 moans so 1417cccd3e clearly as 9c629df882 if only 9244836fbb a wall 68ac059ff9 separated us.d973b52719d2ea70

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I recalled the nightmare c909b52a14 from middle school. I hadn’t been 1a25b73a10 able to go 3f298cfcde to the bathroom a827dd40c2 because of the 1363e6a08d way my mother 2eba99e709 and her lover 68bb17c162 had acted like 6d4e8e5dd8 beasts in the 3063888d40 shared spaces of 394c16770b the apartment. I held my bladder 9f5878db8c as I waited but 970753c121 ultimately ended up going 944b4ee9eb to the veranda and baa798329d urinating at the drain 7db8d0ac24 there. This had taken place fcde23963c on a similar night abaca95366 like this one.26e86ea0d889b644

My hand trembled b68daa6aa1 and my teeth 873817255f rattled. It had been 4b0ee2f8fc a long time c82af961cd since I’d experienced 9053ff2fd0 the ringing in e11ab1b80e my ears and b9338d4abb the vivid noises 817f00082e of sex, but c0dd8cf5a9 the shock had 6246b40323 not dulled at 30d5c49f0c all. Actually, it seemed to 7034726537 have gotten worse. The rage c70a939118 caused my fca22a40bf mind to fd0db27295 go blank.19abb4fb329e6559

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Lee Kyuwol had already 611f020734 notified the family that 517b695c1e he was going to ba0ad2d48c sleep over at a fb8c86ba8f fellow athlete’s house tonight. The small sliver of 71ddfa0b55 hope I had placed 7f30082362 in Professor Lee now 42311bdff3 shattered into a million fc759dd451 pieces.8ca039b1e4cefc27

I was d9efe86686 not amazed 4e5bd4eec7 nor impressed e278be0e33 by this 583d9ffe9a man, an 89941b2288 educator who 80f9e9c663 looked down 7f0dce0a0f on others 64996b6a1b from the deaacdb514 ivory tower 6c53452dac his son c4958383ee had built. However, I had at b682d02c75 least expected him to d686391a1e be a man of b1e74bc27d culture and reason. It seems my one-sided 36fe489754 hopes were misplaced.bd5f323cfbf4db55

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My shortsighted mother had ad4ceef7f5 managed to seduce him, f2c7ec63e7 but how could any 9739fff935 sane human being start 74b74e7894 having sex like a fc8aaf9973 beast when the light 636b5905e6 in his stepdaughter’s room 0789745c62 was clearly on next b233bce082 door? Completely disillusioned, 1d4c6ea1f4 my hand 33d0956ab3 trembled as 966cda7e29 it crumpled 91fecd4432 the paper.da074dcb9fff27b3

Thump.4248ed5fc24c19e8

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I burst db8fb4c9d5 out of e70a95722f my seat, 1ebfd32dd6 and my 54af4377c5 chair crashed 2ddde77189 to the 5a0e056ca3 floor from ea9785d105 the sudden b7958ef949 movement. I walked past it 40916c0c80 and opened my door. Sure enough, the 2740e2e17b panting noises were e6dfcfa247 coming from the b6e8083e27 bedroom next to b6f8d767be mine. It was 4bef232439 an unused f585497dd7 guest bedroom ab27141eb0 that was da058f3001 connected by dd36ba80a4 a powder ee455effbd room.3b7ea7e52862cab6

Without putting 9e31f7a0a5 on my f2fa9211a8 slippers, I caa0329983 walked barefoot dcb12ee5ff down the 17f93db967 corridor that 7561d81710 was only 57994b7c90 illuminated by b3ce2e15d9 auxiliary lights 132857d5f8 and made 3c01666e07 my way 48ac67139a to the e67f3ffc0a kitchen. When I regained some 27776e3428 of my sanity, I f740453410 glanced at the knife f3d40550e6 block and pulled out 3b3a772040 a silver fruit knife. Then I walked 84b070e522 back towards the 2e88839ab9 powder room and 55ff7bcc29 stood in front a3d9c71c58 of the door 8865a95ca8 as my body eaca4cedd6 shook.06a78f2003d2d2f7

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“Haa… Haa…”e2c89771500a9bbb

I wanted to open this door immediately and shout at the rutting beasts inside. If you don’t shut up right this instant, I’ll kill you all. I wanted to yell and scream, but I remained frozen in my spot and couldn’t move. Wasn’t I the disgusting hypocrite for holding my breath and eavesdropping on their intercourse?5460bfe1dabff9aa

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“Honey, ah, darling, aaahng…!”f4ff9578fb3db294

“Ugh! Huu…! Ugh!”373a3d90fda71a48

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I could hear the 16df9fdf94 sound of skin slapping e8ceb90c35 and my mother’s moans d3a4d6ee7e growing louder. Professor Lee’s breaths 2a2f2889bc were also quickening. I remained standing in bfc28d2b09 my spot as if 5ee3c36a0a my feet were glued bba18eaa0d to the floor. I felt strange. Like a suffering, bc69a878ca helpless animal.c42ff40f1b8d6b9e

“…That’s understandable.”2b4a702bf0133611

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I heard 278d0c56ad someone murmur 25ed772845 from behind 8c3da1704f me, and dcd0bd48c4 my heart 15b6eb968c crashed to 6f1e5fedfb my feet. I almost dropped 8b40ba1872 the knife. I whipped around like 143b87120e a startled animal.d5ee7e745333d770

Lee Kyuwol was standing f0cd2261f4 in the dark corridor. Holding onto the ecda5e4ec6 knife with both 404f006ca6 hands, I trembled 22017ff74b as I let 786d2bc166 out a breath.b1c2320da464e796

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I didn’t know f4d3b73f38 why he was b0af4cb376 home when he 08a4ad076b said he’d be c42c96c68d spending the night 5bc8872afd somewhere else. Since when had 858f40604f he been behind 7995c12733 me? He looked at me a4e18ac43f with a strange expression 8799f43afa on his face. With the eb6b6701f7 knife pointed 0b4ece451d in his 511c9a8fac direction, I 77e49436e5 remained rooted 741f9f90da to my f314bc6f2f spot as 2f97046f0d my body ff478b2c11 trembled. I could still 0e1c81c3fc hear my mother’s 7b7ec7983d loud moans through d0b8b78fa6 the powder room a9ac59c08b as she had 4a9f68ea10 sex with Professor 690fee3786 Lee.f829a80a67c29987

Lee Kyuwol began to 317e4ac844 slowly approach me. I couldn’t even 6138d5130d look away from f5466b723f his gaze. A silence deeper than 02930c02e6 the sea swirled around 726456725a us, and it continued 26135cbc45 to grow even deeper 229cb7fd23 amidst my mother’s loud 48d3113227 moans.5b8b1c425092a586

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He stopped 890ac9c6b9 and frowned 443b3a939a as he 29e124df9c whispered to 4fabc1980b me in 81e6bfc051 a soft cdf63a4e28 voice.9851f300798d0c12

“This isn’t the first 17a2ad5610 time this has happened, ecdd6bea33 is it?”3ebcbd9ddfe58665

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I smelled the faint 78bf22f9fa aroma of liquor on 7d4a5d4bc0 him. The dark corridor seemed 1d2e80388e even darker. As my heart jolted 76830ce8db inside my chest, I 020ccbd463 felt a wave of 82cc9e759c anger rush through my 2cdd61268e veins.f4f72eb035752052

“…Shall I kill them?”4f330711cb145d3d

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He didn’t pay fe2c3297d2 any mind to 338d1a614a the knife in 6f4c71df32 my hands. As if ddefcd38fc he didn’t cb7fc19d7e care about 82531f4125 my dangerous, 3c37585306 sensitive condition, 15816a3bc6 he took 6b9332e704 a step c11cead353 towards me. My mother’s 88013fc9e3 moans grew 7406d16d77 shorter and 51339b4278 faster.Smack, smack. The sound of slapping 788d6d8a23 skin rang in the a68e923678 air.4aa72a88e790698f

Holding the knife in 2db0ed0369 both hands inside this 34d3540271 dark corridor, I drew 7ae4e8e949 in a ragged breath db5b2748e9 and bit down on 24c14f34bc my lips until they ce1eaf61d1 bled. Lee Kyuwol raised cb7005df05 a brow and f90e80c2c7 murmured again in 80bac29426 a clear voice.d0820bde2b50f057

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“It’s annoying, 7bd88076ec so… should f288e37322 I just 5c754e8107 kill both aa86b05872 of them?”aa8d40f371bbe458

His voice b6f8824cdb slightly went cd69f8f5cf up an b36f424ade octave as 1533dc0ee1 if he 7c115cf19a were excited. If he 0a1a41654b had gotten 3c6ea47233 excited from d7f94e27ae listening to 6d80004fec a live c71eab7d69 performance of d9b0b9ebfb my mother’s 8f6ea6f3ba sexual intercourse, 1683263487 I would 5c272ea796 not have 8cb2b3e2f7 been able 79eb5d99e8 to criticize 9762143b01 him.3a97881dc8452c8f

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“Huu…”4bee93ed78cb88b0

With my teeth clenched, 93c3dc7990 I let out a 5ada20c06b sigh, completely humiliated. A moment de0ee5ba7c that I dafd68666a did not 62f2b4d67d want anyone 53b093056c to see 343036bb1d was exposed, 6701496691 and I af70b46577 was overwhelmed 0955dae8cb by a d50a171215 sudden urge 889539fe3a to disappear.61e2d5a2b7d0ba36

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Lee Kyuwol 2e8762b551 had not cc488f6d1e only caught 6511065874 my mother a266dbddf9 and his f63b3c18d6 father having 7c777134ef sex.c442bed782f466d4

He knew that these 18baa8e85d two completely ignored my 208f8215ab existence in this home. He saw 4a61c05af1 my truth 242c08997f and how ed049e637b I wanted 1a2292f177 to kill 84737ad8e0 them. However, I 55f7cec9a8 didn’t even 54e34f2a63 have the 1f6ef79a7c courage to c845bce1c6 follow through 8096c127cb and merely 9d08ed77ba trembled as b7cf1cf988 I held e631519845 a knife d9aa8ac6de in my 45ec62e770 hands. He’d seen it all. I gave up and 29df2d1522 looked away from his a7438764cd eyes. I could only e5ba5c9538 scurry away like 1afce2260c a cockroach.f76fbab4a5824a31

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“Aah, hng! Aahng! Ah, honey, good…!”adc62c52942ee76c

I returned to 6fd71c5fd9 my room and 1c88bbec8c slammed my door 9e574a14af shut, but the 5ccd963bb9 sounds continued. My body 9c09dc25f4 went limp, 837f3f6539 and I bb9304d777 flopped down 71e377c70b on the e579ccec92 edge of 7ff6449c7b my bed. I gazed out the b4effcc111 window at the twinkling a8ac353f8e lights of the Hangang b0d7f5af96 Bridge.a27c159479a6a875

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“Haa…”fd01cfefc6c03c25

A long sigh left 9413f563ed my trembling lips. If I 9519ed6632 fell from 5fa194ce4d the twenty-sixth d078a9a18c floor, it 0ebbfad8d5 would be 9d8407560a an instantaneous c77a2e7e73 death. However, if dea67f0e0a I opened 570de7f006 the window b7baac2202 and jumped 8fffb38e9c out right c62ad21703 now, it 564148d7a8 wouldn’t feel 866183f7c8 right. It would be 64fad83f9e too much of 839851079e an excessive gift 2b72657592 for my mother.cb7a997ec23c824d

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I could still see 643e6e5b77 the knife trembling from 5c61e1860d my peripheral vision. It was a well-sharpened db2d7d01cd knife made out of e5bfb55b78 stainless steel. It faintly 1b7c3660e7 reflected the 14865c75fc light and d66e4b19d5 gleamed silver. It seemed 7c10e6507f to be 0a71e52133 speaking to f9827a970e me. Telling me that 476436452c there was nothing a3413d3276 better it could 8c6e621264 cut than my e5bc2317ba own body.b387763ee47e69b2

Die. You can just 0f1b5af5a0 die. Either way, b897917d9a living doesn’t f5cd947c94 truly feel 8f0fe932ad like living 2194328b7d anyway. Right?fb27baa5806ab7c9

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I slowly brought the 78095129ae knife to my left 6f91140966 wrist. I saw 11cff97658 the blue ca1cb273e9 veins running 4e7bb33193 beneath my 10639026e9 pale skin. If my mother a2442dd27a discovered my bloody d20cbbcd11 corpse first, would c25e337267 she cry for 39ed87c844 me out of ead75cb807 guilt? Or would she bd0e3bcee7 scream out in a0e5e4200f shock? Either way, just the 29bc8bdc74 thought of her reaction 824b0c7029 alone made my body 144f510560 tremble with delight.afacd3d7be476712

Within the dc5c156e40 darkness, my edf6caf534 bedroom door 25a38d3169 silently opened. Lee Kyuwol saw 5ea54679fa me sitting on d5dc74e398 the edge of 62f9c801b5 my bed, clenching 7c9690d90a the knife. He slowly walked d45279a808 over to me cf02c0d0a6 and didn’t react bc7b5f2c15 at all.6d8ea6b9ebdc5220

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Tap.3a15f09f585887fa

He fiercely grabbed my 55ca753246 wrist, and the knife 6cd5819bbc automatically left my limp a10c481b6c grasp and fell to 84f243416c the floor. I watched him pick 01f69fca2b it up, walk over 8965acc156 to my desk, open 245a39449e the bottom drawer, and f1daa33691 throw it inside before 58f0f9e643 closing it. I gazed 605a10114b at him e09de191be like a ed36038bcd person who 7f3dce37e2 had lost 31dc598992 consciousness.c61d59bf9ec4366c

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After he returned 50dc316455 to my side, 8ae01379ef he slowly bent 482e294761 down. One of his cfa69f1bd3 long legs knelt 54d9fea98d on the floor, 154f4b979a and his face 789108ab31 was at my 838c653099 eye level. A dim, deep silence 43e1393b33 flowed in between us b8094038d8 once again.4c582f3c727973ea

The sexual intercourse c7ac05b13a was still in 31c084e335 full swing one 00863a72eb wall away, and 0c94a29e55 Lee Kyuwol and 99ef5b42a5 I were in 94c974d8bc the same room. There was nowhere left b25bcdda39 for me to hide.48a291ba0a0d7c10

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“Aah, honey…! Honey, honey…! Nng! Haa, nng!”14671c2c58fd8117

All of 0f086cfbc4 this was f783350164 my fault. I painfully bit down 38fac230e9 on my lips.d7a7337df197ca28

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Yeah. This is my 5dd1314e6b parent. I didn’t even amount c7c7427adb to an insect in f2518b11d8 her eyes. I was a51ea0d003 merely a 7a2aa1a5b4 cockroach hiding e01f95cf4d in the d93f50e050 room next b408a59023 door. I also f5aae8541f did not b3860dfb37 know why 55c56f3b95 I was 08150e179d still alive. If I were 07632964db just an insect b75959415a from the very e5ca95f976 beginning, why was 11c33c5edf I even born b03271d3b6 in the first dfed2450aa place?a4c2be041996dacd

The screams 6fc895b2eb I had a93f3260d0 carved into cac6f63d67 the journals 88b4eef462 I had 09fdc4b373 already burned 6ef74f9142 to crisp 0d4ca65487 were now b1e257367a silently being dd96adbf7a whispered through 4051fba816 my eyes 2883a147f6 as I 8c2735a8b9 opened my f3a31def14 lips.c00fd57d4998498e

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“…Don’t you know… how to knock?”25d3d2f8f61dbcbe

My voice trembled 1de2c29f42 because I was a19ee30bb9 trying to hold 8347275157 back my tears. I knew b72ae29a81 better than c0c8e0405d anyone that 8877ae0a17 what I a9cdcc6931 just said 8acd74c418 was ridiculous 37663d630c in a c6615dcc3d situation like 54ab7661ef this.c1f8a1c98ce8d8ff

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Even if Lee 447f4cdd29 Kyuwol sneered at a327aa515d me, it didn’t 0397ae2354 matter. No, rather, I 669182fb19 wanted him to 7fab66cea5 look down on 13380fa6a0 me. Isn’t it ridiculous de217c2805 that you’re pretending 47583678c2 to be strong 5675ca0200 in front of f85f19b643 me? Do you even have ec3903e3d0 the right to act f8a71a3b64 all confident and arrogant de50bec00e in front of someone a0edd1032a like me? I would have 8c7e4da00e rather wanted him e15952c334 to ask me edcb368a57 these things as a609c6bcc9 he looked down 84385d60e2 on me.7e1a7e047492586c

“Sorry.”677a05494ec55f0d

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Instead of sneering 14b5652b01 at me, Lee ddd23f4a5f Kyuwol apologized in 9bebceee2e a curt voice.08fa22c0b7dcbd11

“…Get lost.”efd22a093d7e7793

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My eyes grew warm. This was aff4e855fb why I 37e1cd221e hated him. Even though he 43d2c8e092 looked at my 3d524d5f98 scowling face and 6a478fbe33 saw all the 4001e54fe4 twisted thoughts inside 0a1f19d48f my head, he b8f5ac678b didn’t look away.535c91a8e233320e

“…I said get lost.”485e17cda7cd7f52

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“Sorry.”526e16fe4b7a927a

Although I hated how b8c45717e3 they had sex for 76308b5a73 everyone to see, I 13032d5c92 was helpless to do 85deb6fe25 anything about it. Instead of calling 8164bbcfca me a silent 83b3ce8542 doll and criticizing 51f18d9a5e me, he whispered 1b4bf8ffbe to me as 9ae4edc402 if to console dda8db4272 me, and I… c7384a328b hated it.945e39a38b7fb903

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“Ah! Aah! Aahng!”ddb2a8359422689c

The actress one 009a4c6ef2 wall away let cd019e2fc8 out her shrill a4944b19b0 cries as if 599b092efa she were shooting 2e3d05948e a pornographic video.7a4d606c68c16145

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Lee Kyuwol’s piercing eyes 9b9ab0eb83 watched as I bit 759380d462 my lips and slowly 2a683b24db lifted both of his c832074f17 hands. A familiar warmth touched de5c4d7bfc my ears. The layers of 67ce95efb1 sand walls that 4b812c78e5 surrounded me suddenly cce338ee25 melted away.f9cf501308a0ad39

I usually avoided making a1bb387cfa any contact with strangers, 9f455d6739 but I was unable fecf916767 to pull his hands fd9f04005d away from my ears. All I 85591359b2 could do c893cb1abe was lower 1e731ac964 my heavy cdc796d251 eyelids and a384f8100b close my f5bd143026 tear-filled eyes.55b84ab1662f283c

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Drip, drip.515c8707b0842c87

My sorrow had reached fac50e00b3 its limit, and it 1f3af3187e began to trickle down 07e540ea07 my face before splashing 9e5da494f0 onto his body. Because his large 4a71a76032 hands were holding 8c55c771ac my head, I 4e697a6ee5 couldn’t lower my 46849e96b0 head. All I d6323743ff could do 4134dcd63a was close 9f4f7612ee my crying f071cb8214 eyes and 76a528e883 bite my 4465526f26 reddened lips.145ed2bfcd5c123d

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When I was a90a5ade1b very young, there bcd1d50afe was a time b1662edf6d when I went 82980de764 to the beach a2ba311bd2 during the wintertime ad00ddfe3c with my mother c4404e77f1 and some unknown af1c759532 man. That was the 536d8c15ee first time I’d f976ad196e seen the sea c243d63400 with my own a681010c92 eyes. The waves crashed 140ad0e317 down on the a6b7513cba shore and bubbled f7fb67ad17 away. I couldn’t b0bf57e8e2 look away. It was overpowering. I faced the 57acaff5bf salty wind and ad4101e6f8 stood there for 28a6793c8d a long time.3d825e0670992d5b

I looked far 47cbb80748 off into the d69cba226d horizon and saw c30238366f where the sky 688a970302 touched the land. As I watched waves 27cafa3d05 that were larger than ae4e3d109c me crash down, I 03fa433a02 was filled with awe. With my db85a5528d mouth wide 14f7acbd25 open, I 081d386b34 watched as e3d4b8e927 if I 2b2d4aef99 were bewitched. In the blink of 46f3ac441c an eye, the wave 828ec1c297 towered over me and c02ed528fd swallowed me into complete 9c97dd2894 darkness.9ec2d1bf934d8419

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I was swept away 8cd37fd8f4 in an instant. My limbs floundered, but fa201c8b8f my feet did not 96ce63934c touch the ground. Extremely salty water entered 22cbe287f8 my eyes, nose, and 23e8dbb953 lips.12b45e0798cce028

Save me.66a67ad5691f1894

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Someone help me.85ef64f5fcf9f24e

Please save me.a0c2419801086498

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As I 5fb9a2ecee writhed in d1d0f6b135 the water, aed1a8a332 when I 53e4c9d70e opened my 9024399ef6 eyes, I e65c1f0b3f was spit 8ebccc966b out by 3121bab546 the waves d2fe2a31ab and was 2c0cd7d1ab crawling on 76f07d79fd the shore. My mother, 7130af9c0d who had 66b8387975 been smoking 98a0c88712 somewhere far 42b9d8d43a away, and e133bd31f1 the unfamiliar b3f17eb2e2 man finally f19a3cd783 discovered me 9f2bb2ed86 and began d8cfc6fe82 to run 01ac8b92a2 over. I saw 245287d61f this last e61579ed38 before I 212a0cce12 lost consciousness.a545b64a54bf43cb

14f609fb70cadc26

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It was the first f52f81f445 instance where I realized 27090ef6c5 how small and insignificant b9e4a0317a I was in the 40070c389d face of Mother Nature. The moment I was 83264c4b6e swallowed up by the da2ef01a0b sea, I realized that dc6c58fe34 I was alone in 865b62566c this world.d8ab5ac94fe3f678

f61f4781572518c0

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“Whenever you want to 1ef820328a see the sea, all 223c0f2f70 you have to do 249e24a7a9 is bring this to ac64b76879 your ear, and you’ll ebd561f872 be able to hear 999af1663d it. So don’t do ec5a1150c5 something so dangerous adb1f77c0a ever again.”4d369e1609042957

923cbaacf0536719

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As I was lying 167aeb9c76 in a hospital room, 0d736f4ef2 the man held out 6c22d9f5dc a conch shell to 5d0f8c1d3b me. Could he 2cb15842f7 have been 823a8f0667 my biological 4ab2fcc361 father? Or was he 728a6480eb just one of b45da50bd4 the countless men 6f5a55469f my mother dated?29e0dd849f084512

The only thing certain 311b092864 in my foggy memories 4e9e7e0c59 was that when I 96948a99c2 woke up in the 348ab581db hospital, my mother was 0eddc4e3f9 not by my side. I was a af85e5d1c9 cumbersome existence she 9ad8ddc374 had to hide.6c829f3653b29bee

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After that day, 3b7e2220b4 I never returned abe5f66487 to the sea. And I never 9218e46d5e brought the conch 2d7abe872c shell to my c00ac8ec6f ear. I was afraid c17583cf37 of the sea. I did 1b077f446c not want 57cf9404d7 to remember 6f22f11e7b or experience feed0c105e the intense 7020939522 loneliness ever 905b0b8dc4 again.2ec0e6ed387fee06

When Lee Kyuwol covered 999b544c00 my ears, I didn’t c717507e7e hear the sea. All I could hear 28ea237b99 were my cries growing 47fb2ffcda louder and softer. Just like b7cc670411 the days 54faddd6d5 of my cb168670b6 childhood where 817d695e8d I was b9b73121b4 unable to e1dcc3a991 endure the 50972da26c intense sorrow 585afdfb1c surging up, 85039e4a11 I felt b37ddbf392 like I cccad9c52a was crying e9530f5079 underneath my fd0bb6e52a blankets.7a76347eede2cfdd

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As loneliness continued 00eeae1913 to burn within 2812ca62d1 me, I slowly b320aec408 opened my eyes.372bad95df13086d

Lee Kyuwol was f9797ac4b6 here. As if he were e7b53bdbfe here all along. As if he 6e68b3ee30 were a part ad2ef689a6 of the darkness 0511462f6b all along, he 2e1bbbb5c3 was watching me. The faint headlights 242327b48f of the cars 9fe648c270 crossing the bridge 4b117c3835 outside the window c015e84130 illuminated his face.779548d09a5f6a65

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“Ugh…”8003fe8677a206ce

I couldn’t stop the e4292dd21d cry from bursting out 758feb1a1c of my lips. In this 206e9eabea moment where f2b3a9b6f5 I felt e94bca0084 incredibly lonely d3826cdbd0 and humiliated, ab7703eee3 I felt 5c3a67daa5 relieved that 2aecdfafcb I wasn’t 047cc3bae5 alone.369cccce873c236c

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In the 5468a7ba2f moment when 262e0b808a I wanted 6709ea82f4 to give 75db770680 up on d725d106be my life, dac9feff04 when I c7949f40cc felt terrible 8eebeef958 and frightened, 8fc255226d I was d1f3cb9e33 not alone. Someone was 5e714c7846 by my d3c1a905f5 side. This fact filled 720a92f925 me with such 0ef39298bc intense relief that 467f0b8b7d my body couldn’t 61e26f8f6a stop shaking.4df506031a53dbd3

“Huu… Aah, uugh…”91687c741ccc8872

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Suddenly, I realized how 4a5738cd0f much I had yearned 1a47434410 for someone’s touch. My desire 1d3decc173 to be f064bfc703 alone and fa5a8ce141 solitary had 3e61a99e99 been a 10ad1ff817 bald-faced lie. If it were a649318f81 true, I would 5bcb2acc61 not have felt 7a7cd2ddb6 such relief at efd5a54467 the fact that b6e1444500 I was with fc451394e2 someone now.f4d83d5f9444d929

Until now, 2cdffe5b04 these unfamiliar 7150adb089 emotions had 0b12c77353 never burst 53ee2ee4c3 out of 3f2893f95c my lips. All the 403b2b2544 pent-up loneliness 785143cd47 was released 129f69ce83 through my 10e15ed166 salty tears a325512ffb and trickled 44196b7a71 into my 1274746637 mouth. My face twisted underneath 833120ebcc Lee Kyuwol’s gaze as 32eb496dce I cried like a d2cd4567c1 child.5530a26e083859b5

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My mother’s moans gradually faded away and grew faint. I wasn’t sure if it was because they had finished having sex or whether it was because my ragged breaths grew louder and choppy. Lee Kyuwol continued to watch me until I fainted due to exhaustion and fell into bed. 10078704235f6cd9

I woke up 525a5b79a8 when the alarm 4825e0423e clock on my 5c9722c4c5 desk rang. Lee Kyuwol 8127544b39 had disappeared. Everything had 2d91b558b2 returned to f4bde6b235 its place, e201af249d and it 43cf7f5825 was now 68af0a90e7 morning.4a9cbb7e3b9b72c7

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Like a dry, b2936943d9 withered plant, I 68a04f2022 feebly got up f6d91edcb5 and walked to 416cb160cd my desk. I opened f3c49d2df2 the bottom e02effd9fc drawer.8cb6717d53cf000e

I saw the silver 52d347e5aa knife that Lee Kyuwol 5aa067f66d had thrown into the 8710925f73 drawer last night. The sharp a5c6a8f4a7 blade gleamed e35f2c952d in the 7682719b6d sunlight, as adb6a296a3 if to 38a980bb7a prove to 80cbb5f449 me that ce747cb252 last night 2ce546cca2 hadn’t been 69ab5b94a1 a dream. I swept 337e522856 my tongue 955dc3517b over my dce122639d dry lips daa19e07c1 and looked 6cea3e7711 at my 7afe91f98f reflection in 89b63dc3d6 the mirror 11de1027a2 before looking 056afb8efc back down.0ade68f7f4328025

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Inside the same drawer, 3f0d98405c there was a wrapper 4b4844687a of the granola bar 5f53380e6f that Lee Kyuwol had 6b15025249 given me several months 2b8bb95465 ago.357f46cf09b98ec3

There was no way a86874a349 he hadn’t seen this a4b434a9e5 last night. I had hidden it cee4dccd7f somewhere deep inside the e76419ecbb drawer because I didn’t d8156799aa want to be caught, d424b6c3d3 but he had seen edd6ab3a49 it. I wonder ef81eb5d24 what he 90cf1933cb thought when bc9885013e he saw f74e69886c it.77d65d67c51ea63a

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With swollen eyes, e0af10c14f I put on 4310e813e7 my school uniform 928abd9812 as I was e296388878 lost in thought.84420d0b96f271bb

It was all f0b264cb0f for the best. I had hit 4f0068f1a6 rock bottom, and 77304e1a5b I couldn’t fall 7445e20a6c any further.5d113d9fe2736ea1

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a37b0a063fd5d607

Now that he 55ffc692ef had seen my 5510234d5f weakness, whether Lee 13c48a3062 Kyuwol decided to 63d78b6c2e sneer at me 54cd0b047e or ignore me, f00399345e it was something 7722c161ba I needed to 4f27e46bb6 handlee0b781017087dd11

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