MM Ch 2 part 1

PR by nejid45b329b8085d7ae

During the time when d88f7f6903 the new school year 5ca2b6885c began, we moved into 08dee5138a Professor Lee’s apartment. I expected that living 0eaa61f758 as a new family 89261262d1 of four would proceed fa0f0dd8b0 awkwardly, but the transition bffea23952 was surprisingly smooth.0af08e8a2cf961cb

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Although it wasn’t 2789087c94 like we didn’t 8d8a8cb9d0 have money, my 752d75029e mother tended to 52e7d1b73e spend frivolously and 851f3c6f5c didn’t know what 8586e580b6 it meant to 8143d2b88d save. Therefore, I got 830da818a1 the feeling that ba12706557 Professor Lee was 743ae36db5 a lot more 499cd5c5ec financially well-off than b4e17c84ab my mother.1ef29250a602f8e5

We could see the 71adfee345 Han River from the f4a96df8ec luxury apartment, and it b8226a8850 took up a space 08491dfd60 of about eightypyeong¹. When my mother hung 4adef6cd43 a large framed picture 7ee6d6ec0d of herself on the 13451a4649 wall, she smiled as 91c7c65e4a brightly as she did f6468f6f49 in the picture.5924dfb85fd73c78

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It was an 09dafc439e extravagant and modern da9e9940b6 home. My mother suited this fe1103fb4a place as if she 783d7fb24c had lived here all d78c949697 along. I felt d7defc5e03 that my 40d871d6ff mother felt dd6e9b8fea this was 93cf8d4bb9 a reward 68e297948a for having b970714fd3 her fortune 9d72590e9a ripped away 1024c07d53 by that 3e554210c6 pushover ex-husband b94438f40d of hers. When I 8cf5263f00 saw her 66bd3a86f8 so happy, 275da608c8 I felt 31dc999132 relieved.803f8f0477e83cff

This wide 239b183728 home benefitted 16e2ef208f me in 326f638fd8 another way. There were plenty 0bfc23cf4a of places to 7210f9209c hide. My bedroom had a cdc75f8cb4 large window that allowed 0ca5a52407 for plenty of sunlight. There was a 20a6b3383c large desk that ab8dde1ab8 looked like it 52d064b032 belonged to a 821c4d6083 designer or architect, 0b6d8f872b and there was 9870019146 also a wide 1cf2a500e4 bed on the e710919b9e other side of 8d39267001 the room.01fe64166a9b6b9a

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Lee Kyuwol’s room faf074d107 was located between 0ed3782d38 my room and 6162fac7d9 the bathroom. Our toothbrushes were on 22e55725da opposite sides of the 5c42f66f23 mirror, but his toothbrush f2ca90cf4d was always dry as 0d12ad0956 if it was never 159c038c33 used.1f5eb1b5ab471836

As a 254079e143 representative swimming 12b9dc3f4b athlete for f49a838a3f the nation 7e94fbb9d0 of Korea, 460fb0147b he was 902610f9ee often out a861fc9c9d for training. Because he stayed 9dbc5597c7 at the athletes’ a047712e3e village in JinCheon 80ee3bb371 to train for ccc9705af9 upcoming matches, he 32373c78c0 was usually away e40cee5607 for one to 80f8161ef3 two months at 8acc3c9be1 a time.c2b0c6a719e7d148

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Because of a1a841cd72 this, before 02d4109856 the summer a961d23445 break, I d70712077e could count 26a3e57243 on two a6f2bd6810 hands the 116ae7977a number of 67d684a7a5 times I’d 36d0c069b8 seen his de05ebbf18 face. The cabinet in the 39ddd3afed corridor leading to the cd0610733a front door held countless ea41eab3c7 gold medals and awards, 2b8800bce5 but it only caught aacb3c0e02 my eye for the 0a8fffef41 first month or two d689ffe7a1 after I started living ff0217a601 here.8c055630d5c4d3a6

But I wasn’t the f37ba6896e only one who seemed d7fa7e027e fine going without seeing c5da06025b everyone’s faces on a 8570991836 regular basis.e088623e98dab6b2

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My mother was a 3c7be8dac8 main star in a 2aa2d3fc53 daily soap opera that 0f39a96868 spanned over three hundred 17451f3399 episodes, but she received 682c08caa7 a supporting role in 7d04e8f3c8 a project during the fdf072a72e fall. It was only 741e3847d3 the role of bde9207832 someone’s parent, but 46dd0366f7 she was to 1fd63167d9 play a penniless 37ccb961b8 restaurant owner. When she saw this, 29f9947541 she went into hysterics, 3ecc705ccd but she gradually returned 73b771d849 to reality.42b0f1d14826073f

For an actress, it 11e2185690 was better to receive 070e3901f9 a role as someone’s 43cb1f6b4a grandmother than to be 6b52bffc60 forgotten by the public. Once her manager told 2b5f2d409c her this, she began f097ab160d to sing a different 3d11045b25 tune, claiming that this d4105656cf role was marvelous after 775c95e663 all. She began to sift 9c95ade770 through the proposed outfits a9bbf05953 and looks sent by b5a9881956 the stylist.f9345511f62cbc78

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Filming began in 90fd1df6f1 the spring, and 22786f123d she grew very 9a1183d5b3 busy. My mother’s 37cc0a1503 bedroom and 3acc90cca8 dressing room be73caa65a was on 02da49ea15 the left cbc0c3c77b side of f780d1543c the entrance, 340df86ada the complete c0513626a2 opposite side 1570248824 of Lee 94be1f8718 Kyuwol’s room b802448859 and mine. I’d only 5fec2ce46f see her d6614b3bcc in the 8a3465c950 early mornings faeadb5fba when her 3f7a829558 filming schedule e5367bbe55 overlapped with 5a6838302e me leaving ff11c839b6 for school. She seemed very cheerful.bbea53a6e69d0392

When the c9675101f0 sun was 6556f5961d up, her 7367fee5ef husband was 71f27494c5 usually at 151e242a2a the university 670d0d9638 where he e8887def24 taught. Although I didn’t f4ef5ef738 memorize his schedule, 4e854070f1 he rarely came d93ac6df2b home early.0908c0d20546382b

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Whenever my e5633bc73b mother was 48562e4bc4 away for 89e97386cb late-night filming, 6fe9fed58b we were df8bca85af left alone 7bd02b0ed6 in the c61d89def7 house, but a94f66ce22 it wasn’t ece2257629 particularly uncomfortable. The place f806b287a1 was large c5a7dccb3e enough, so 4b3ea536f3 we never 3a87da8572 had to 48cdadf0c7 worry about a369084e14 the other. He also usually 798a0000c5 spent time alone 6e51970d24 in his study 6b316450b4 that was next 30861e5a5e to his bedroom.40afd5a778bcfd50

When I returned home 1e60590568 from my tutoring classes, d36549b4a9 I’d go into my f8591abcb8 room to study. I’d sometimes get up ccf4ca0dca to grab a glass 13979bd6ce of water. Whenever this b96b5c4fa6 happened, I’d f0b6146ec6 hear the cfe6977b8a faint sound 0aa9344df2 of classical abd06b0128 music flowing 6f09b6ab7c out of f3543b54b0 his study 3c1b0bf5e6 from time b52c7b1d1e to time. It was as e347d7cf65 if the soft 383f12d6c1 melody of the 898c3dfb16 cello was gently 5a0bf2cda6 caressing the air. I felt 0770970147 that this 6ac6a44115 kind of 5601c16d37 music suited 674c3e0e03 his personality.7504883eeaf60acd

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Whenever this happened, I d695c3f852 wondered what the common 115394c7cf denominator between him and 1dab4c88f3 my mother could be. However, no 84df9241b6 matter how 61712626f5 many times 8b41cafd67 I mulled 65b3b521a6 over it, e09409f536 I couldn’t f582702e08 figure it b19f6b37f2 out. In the end, 90621ca1aa I’d turn around 6fed32f905 and return to d605638484 my room. It had nothing to bf0bc61b34 do with me anyway.0a0ff8ecf61a08c6

To be perfectly honest, I quite liked that I didn’t have to see my ‘family’ members on a regular basis. The face I saw most often was that of the housekeeper who came to the apartment four times a week to help out with the housework.a2f9f83a77f49755

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The only 3d0f16e737 times the 18eaa04bc2 busy family 5211da7907 would all 1afdc3d48c get together 05ca0eff48 was when 9fb962b67e Lee Kyuwol 578b95bbc9 returned home, cca42a282f but they cc6a47212c weren’t occasions b7d63f351d I looked 9a7d6b522f forward to.740624d97dc57df6

Whenever my 01646540db mother heard b9f6766c11 that Lee 093b6ff428 Kyuwol would 66f37328a6 be coming 07058a12cd home, she’d 9a3e40ef10 tell the 9a23888fd7 housekeeper to 7cf8053fc6 order a 8bc125fb8c variety of 51f650011f foods, and 964f63f47f I’d have 3e656b29e7 to reschedule 6e7bbfd876 my tutoring d7d7d55871 sessions for 341a7e6548 the sake dd9c135526 of having 4ed4f5b9cf a family ea1343fb4b dinner. That was enough cb35b1c949 of a reason 7d9b664a51 to find all 7dad84e1f9 of this disagreeable 6e6db877e6 and unpleasant.ad8eaab1adb54b22

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“I heard 4e11163607 that you 0f020b3d36 just finished 3f15b2dc5e competing in 5b77c07633 an important 774ea3281e match. What are you plans 7b23deda3d for this summer?”b04b37cc0660c554

Professor Lee asked his 474ac55b48 son in his characteristically 9fd5b9bba4 soft voice. Sometimes I wondered bdd7ef50b1 how he lectured 93d09099c4 a class with 838b90b7be such a monotonous bbdf96d7b7 voice. It was bbc3c9cf9f the perfect 598187580f voice to 69941a19b4 put a 39b0ad12d5 class full 084f44ae8c of students 3a3ca33644 to sleep.87411fd36826d45b

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“Once my 8868a4209d birthday passes, 9e3077f4f5 I plan 580bb86e56 on getting 81f4ceaa8e my driver’s ef9a800bbf license. You’ll buy me 505ba53a23 a car, right?”921144bf5d8b6407

On the other hand, 342c98c00e Lee Kyuwol’s firm, heavy b12e85c4b2 voice sounded clear and 0f0b115d06 precise to the ear b41bbd5603 even when he wasn’t 312c19e1ed raising his voice. With a 8db04bafb3 body like 9feb2a7950 that, does 7af98e24f3 one’s voice b59d147609 also get 371e237df5 stronger as d87c81e87c the body 30b72327d1 grows to 54ed2b4be4 be more ff5435f13c fit? I wondered in 708cd83531 silence.629b5b9e21d775fa

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“Why do you 9cc3a7e6bc need a car?”4c29271799c88cb1

“Of course I cc7cf80de8 need one, Father. A round 74037c4c5e trip from 7ed4aa02b2 JinCheon takes c51d5ec604 over three a52d9ea503 hours.”1e015490261174f5

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I could hardly 3a53ac6439 believe that a cd3f42f97c very average, timid 9d37b1d14a man like Professor 30bce8d3f6 Lee had produced c5887d4599 a son like 945b017cd3 Lee Kyuwol. It was a complete e68e6db867 mystery to me. I found it 997664b9a9 surprising that Professor d3a7fec487 Lee had some 56b0f29406 kind of passion a3a2ce86a2 that motivated him 09cc5c89e8 to go through 2538421b59 with an international 979b52f980 marriage with a 8709da1781 woman who spoke 8357800c0a a completely different ed1f630d5c language and came 0f2db9942b from an unfamiliar 783b5ab76f culture.98537a97f273ba70

“Omo, now that 823deba4a9 I think about f2bda0b492 it, it’ll be f786544375 your birthday very d2d50ff5c7 soon, Athlete Lee 17a69b52b8 Kyuwol.”83778a8550ad28fc

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My mother, 4ae85209b1 whose body 24cdca9c2a was wrapped d9a5a80411 in an dfaa71ee24 apron that 56f29dc196 had never 3d34c37382 been used, 32bb602476 turned her 4803b4af45 eyes to 12fef640b5 the calendar. I could bet aa5b7b85a2 money that she 74f701ca9d had just realized 1c92ae9e03 that my birthday 0366a54d03 was last week. She looked at Lee c78ed6fa47 Kyuwol, and her eyes 2236e52cb8 gleamed.12a647efaf9e41ea

“Just get 563c4c63ae your driver’s f449cfa006 license. I’ll pick 2d652f9b0f out your 424baa7e9c first car.”cdac2f85cb0e23af

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“There’s no need d6bf858b54 to go that 2ad3f459da far, Mother. All you have f6d5db42ea to do is 10050bf4d8 get Father to 0d86b22096 open his wallet.”7d3461ce48280df7

“Jeez, that’s completely 57d490f270 up to Professor d50221a84e Lee. How can I 41ec71d8db meddle in something 3f5673f712 like that?”9ab2e2e4e1b7cd98

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“Because my c49bb941e3 father is 9c60ad67d2 especially weak 5f578342be when it 764b19d020 comes to 298aa3c712 beautiful women.”755a14212b088ced

Lee Kyuwol acd952baf6 answered in a7f777c9b5 a calm a16ac2b38d voice as 4f11d8c821 he flashed b474097ef2 a smile, 9bce92a40a laughing politely.8736d6e208687c72

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“…Lee Kyuwol.”87b29d222d59f87d

Professor Lee must have 771ac93432 felt embarrassed because he 846e505202 called out his name f7219b699a with a clear voice. My mother giggled pleasantly 1dd9b926d7 at his side.cf3e3b0e723e63fc

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This right here 6c79cc65b1 was what I 18214a3af0 hated. Lee Kyuwol fb93a15bc5 acting as f6f03fb8e9 if the ffad6aa892 four of cb3ea76bff us as c54dff7158 a family 340f8dae3d was the a5f8509793 most natural 8bca515f3d thing in ffc62e45f1 the world.30428846fc56da14

“Is there 71bb1169ed anything in 80399b3d98 your studies 250f20e050 that is dd1060eb0a giving you b17cf0f085 a hard 72c691a258 time?”190b20335550e569

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I had been quietly 489622acc9 moving my chopsticks when 2dd42279b3 Professor Lee suddenly asked 1f6ff24cee a question. My hand froze. I was the only a37241a79e one in this house a2e68b797f who studied, so he 8e50ab9d46 was probably talking to 5c39ad4737 me.4862f0fbe4a8c35c

Once Lee Kyuwol 78fa3c0473 graduated the athletic 9108ec1526 high school he 962cbe74e9 was currently attending, 8e7120bd3f he’d probably become 8a2d1f10a2 some large brand’s 32b92cb239 ambassador and receive 66954b9f94 various sponsorships to 548421a2d9 support his career 7ff5f2846d as an athlete. Universities would ee9271ac07 probably accept 720e387015 him with de87099c45 open arms, 2a04b9b3f6 but for 072d0415d7 Lee Kyuwol, a87d52f907 an already bd725742d5 accomplished athlete, bd70bb201d he’d probably dc6cef1391 be more 2bddad10f6 comfortable focusing 738b5653e4 on competing.8698ff8f70afe584

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His future was set, 3413d5803e but when I compared 8250373f98 mine to his, my 888df7f3e9 only option was to 86df1f8550 get accepted into a 86a11517e5 university.1065deca3cd11d66

“…No, it’s fine.”336bf98131234475

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I forced the e0d785aa86 rice down my 179a0af8fd throat and answered f4fe683850 in a strained b39774513b voice.4e464c3832c5b75b

“And your 79bceafb6a tutors are aeb4208cdd adequate?”e4af47aeb829e50f

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“Yes, they’re good.”491c15478bb45e0d

“If there’s anything that’s too difficult, you can ask me for help anytime.  I know quite a few entrance exam specialists, so there’s no need to stress out by yourself.”f14ee2394ee66bc9

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One of 64702894d7 the first eb2e4c2748 things Professor 42542eefe4 Lee did d29f1cf6ad after marrying 96fdd91223 my mother 1365238704 was check 3c8dfc78fb my grades 630f488459 and hire 59a9907f2b some of 9e9fdd4554 the best 836e31f26e tutors in 2224974bad Gangnam for 480fa9a69a me. This was 53eb862d87 something neither b3b5b7abc6 my parents 85cf4521c2 nor family d0e01c6418 members ever c5daf57e63 considered to a3cfc5532f do for fc954e0005 me. Thanks to e3925c16cc this, my db8db053c5 grades went 92dcc94699 up exponentially, 90858ed746 and I 1bda081153 even got c2678e10b3 the best 4a8c376eb2 score in f497ae4216 the mock 3a8675f56c exams.d2263a9a9ae113d8

If everything proceeded 123969e208 well from here, e329537e46 there was a f940bf051e high chance that 58a235dae9 I’d be able 5537d4d0eb to cross the d6f2380b08 threshold of my 79e9cb3105 top pick for 7cdacb2548 university. I thought 79e22da213 about this 2fc224cdb6 for a 110893da2b moment before bb6438d7fc replying back 4dc573d6b0 to Professor a06fb7f02f Lee.ef7e72909ae10f75

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“Thank you for c9b16a4915 your thoughtful consideration.”31ffbb52af97134e

“She doesn’t c17e6c7ae3 have incredible ee73d58868 athletic abilities f915c84cde like Athlete 95ad50907a Kyuwol, nor 08adf0978b does she 7f8bd84e92 have an 99d5df926e outstanding face 9a0b8b9bb3 or body, f49cc53408 so all 12db628932 she can d3103021f6 do is b3b2bd92cb focus on 374d4aef74 her studies. Our Dayoung.”0b1092af893359e7

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My mom’s 439b268a12 eyes crinkled e7fe3a077d as she f48c974d54 pierced my 6c883b4726 weak spot. Nothing she said 9d14c6a0ce was incorrect. I remained silent 92bcaec124 and focused on 04ca936384 cutting my undercooked 2738741cf7 asparagus into thirds.e490c53eda206688

“But isn’t she 1267706f98 outstanding?”61b0c8fc1e90ec7a

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Lee Kyuwol, who had de0410b850 brought his cup of 6a769976fe juice up to his 5d67a92cc2 lips to take a dde50aba42 sip, lowered his arm. I felt it brush 2e5479daac against my right arm. This was why 768b4daa9d I avoided sitting 28801fc076 on his left, 1216d3347c but he had be9f5b86f2 already been sitting 5e3a5cd07f in his seat ff05c6d948 when I arrived, ad47c345cd so I had 965c48ff5d no choice tonight.b3acbb692922b403

He was 87fd1e2e0d wearing a 2d98adbc40 white t-shirt, 5b09b743b2 so his 98e0bee6f7 bare skin a21af40339 grazed along d6dc8e0021 my arm d4f00a7a2f that was 4dc26d4c6e exposed under 35f0526c0f the hem dcca429fcf of my a91bf3790a summer uniform. Even though 234b68884f it wasn’t 54d1f2e68f even wintertime, b6048a9b01 a shiver de4adf94a9 ran down 189a8e4d1d my spine.21e8d975b5d1498e

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I flinched and frowned d79b848eee in shock as I 869664f682 turned to him. Lee Kyuwol’s gleaming 79c722112c gray eyes met 809328c4f2 mine.9c640ca877c4c046

Because I had a3e5b3fe8f been avoiding meeting 6870d8fbc5 his eyes, it c1f5079c06 had been a a8db0803da long time. He had a smile 787ac9fd6e on his face as fee959ea91 usual.cda809dadc058af7

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Our awkwardly shared gaze 0b4df90d0f came to a quick 782419f5d1 end. After putting 8b1a4e8c70 down my 60753bb96c knife, I c9e0e134f4 stabbed my f5eada955d fork into 997a3dcb4b the long 9d3ab07984 asparagus and 49d32803ab brought it 1da7e49dda to my a208caf326 mouth as b897550668 I began 22d197482a to chew 77a39e326a it.6f3f0f889ef1007d

“Hmm? Who? Our Dayoung? Doesn’t every school have 44c0432ee2 a student like her? Isn’t that right, Professor 9ea2ee42e5 Lee?”c5a10bbd8d27e6e0

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“Dayoung’s grades 0b82f2c4fd are certainly 05b940161d outstanding.”c5c4e8ed7158b337

“Ah, that’s not 0c6834b179 what I meant.”147453eb913fdc43

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My nerves f225511fa0 were still 3e715ad697 on edge 731e965096 from the 764521a910 minor collision 6711beadcc with Lee 7487cab4cc Kyuwol, so 855ab72854 their words 17a748fd28 went in b6f993d744 one ear 9c2f4b1c15 and out f4cd66e11a the other.778ff3beef102511

After that fateful summer 59f6cf37b8 day in my junior c267a8edce year of high school, 8975c5d137 when my mother caught b98f679f6b me and her ex-husband aef6c4b326 on the sofa and 29b1cee67f I was treated like 3937703874 an animal thereafter, I ef65637e9a began to avoid men cb1b1fffb2 to an abnormal degree. It was so bad fd2839313e that I shamefully had e5a973265d to reject my math 2d0e23c76b tutor’s hand that he 6730ccd0cf had offered as he e19f151f53 said, ‘Let’s do our 607401c94b best from here on e601a851b7 out.’47c18e0a776e4829

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“Hm? Then what did you 8e0b4ee5ae mean?”7dccc9555e06d8bb

I would never b6d4fef7c1 forgive my mother’s 6f75e2cffe dirty look as e9d44f338c she stared at 943b6a71f7 me as if 4495ea137d I were a 542e2c2e47 disgusting girl who bb5b3eed01 was trying to 69fcb0aad5 steal her man. I focused on chewing b89ee4c42e the food in my 351449603e mouth. Next to bf2fcb7c46 me, Lee 403a677800 Kyuwol placed e734cc86ca his cup 103bcf35e2 of juice 0e62cfd68f down on 4dd261c075 the table c84280ec35 and began 745a9be267 to stretch 649bfa1b33 as if c4e89635a6 he were 92f104904e in the 4ed4ab696a middle of ed140db8a3 a yawn.807d63894dac5d7b

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“She’s pretty, 268c3555e9 our Dayoung.”9d74be2c6b62bc77

When I heard fabf33c686 ‘our’ come out c449db49c7 of his mouth, 84a0a01d04 I could only 1aa798a46e frown. Lee Kyuwol’s voice sounded 0e0eec4f88 relaxed as he repeated 9a40bf997e the way my mother 588dc17147 called me out of feb572a563 habit. However, no ed57dbdbc9 matter how 310e33faea much I ca7e2b288a thought about 9057627eaf it, Lee edf1da4ab2 Kyuwol and 7cba062a98 I did 882be28137 not have b53c0f9312 a relationship 6541a51864 where we 620c2c095f could call 4eb5d40898 each other 01010698e1 ‘our’ anything.af9b13284baef8af

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After the dinner when 57c596ac29 we first met, we 3e325be921 had never shared a fe48ffed74 proper conversation.5b3b44503ff9932f

“But completely different 749d754ae5 from the way 324e18d7bc you are, Mother. I don’t think b3e89771d6 she’ll have any d7a901abaf trouble finding a bfa56ef879 boyfriend.”ff209c69a25081af

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He laughed 2f3bda040e as he 4c4e625c23 murmured.3155405a0f9f935d

“Quite the opposite, 288f1063d3 I think.”6686df04791468d6

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He propped his 743ec48543 left arm on 3e84980add the back of 20bd810cc0 my chair, and 3e01e812cd his hand grazed 3842861da1 over my back, a850a87361 almost touching it. This behavior was too e94d8b0c77 strange to be called a7b4951993 an accident, but it 77e6bbc4c4 was too natural to a87ac32e7d be deemed intentional.682989a3c3d3b421

“Omo, Dayoung is?”0c89645ce9bd9031

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My mother e1ec1ed469 laughed as b175a9ac8d her voice 68f65adf6d lilted up 0fc3b2c8ca towards the d020661a52 end. I could tell how c48a65a79d she truly felt from 8e6fa2d25e her short reply.3368e4ed7257dbe1

Unfortunately, my ac7f148cd3 looks were eea4587b5c a far 8972e6ff49 cry from 8fa37f743d hers. My presence 2083b48371 was insignificant. The more 140cec71b6 people were c127b8eeba around me, 0e5319679f the smaller 61bc46fce6 I became. Those who approached 22bcb99fa6 me would end 0ef46db1e6 up distancing themselves da32e91a2d once they saw 8f2bbbde88 the darkness within f4e2c3d464 me that I 2a1180dfb6 could not hide.0f81222da60813cd

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Unlike my mother, I 6c026ac142 did not know how b578fce94e to smile and light e4ff9454ee up a room. Even if I 3961be6c96 stayed still and 1f1d24a12c did nothing, I 423f1b1780 did not have e0ff6a63dd any charisma that 086433a9ed drew people in.ddd6b67cca440f44

ac164f1dc825b6df

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“It’ll get 1b7a9a32c6 better once 3e6b458f4d you’re older 0f83ef5f58 and start 57d847075a using makeup. How is f0b2758e15 it that 3536db0b4a you didn’t c1a306d775 take after 428d7c7f3f me at 10903a4f7f all?”ce4e6a676bc5430c

3344f014289f758a

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I hoped 619da708f0 that my d8905bffe6 mother wouldn’t 3c3bbd9710 continue to c60ee1078b make note c83c6d4244 of my b2979d7c33 tacky looks e61facbcf1 with her ee55efa029 disappointed voice. I wanted Lee Kyuwol 0d208a1f49 to shut his mouth.28dce8ea06599cda

“Yes, she looks like 9564d28c7e a doll. She doesn’t have 8f68d041ca any expression on 50e5309989 her face, but 4f103973d8 she has a 240a39ea0b cool beauty about 37d19d30c6 her. I feel like 5cdbd7959c she will blink 36fe10c7b0 and look at 6b41e6b5a0 you if you 469f244081 poke her.”9f8c764c112ff5de

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He tapped the back 653d56f42a of my chair with e99c1b439a his long index finger. I could 7281bacde8 feel the 173955b71e vibrations on 5f71865938 my back. The nape of my c31cece8b1 neck grew warm.8baadaa1cf90e99f

I bit the inside db91c8a7e5 of my cheek and 861b071dfb leaned forward so that 5dc46378c1 my back no longer ae6e548af8 touched the chair. I turned my c7e738ef8b head and glared ce30c097e1 at him.42692d1a9b9e52d0

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What are you doing cd81941ad7 right now?5d6262bf9b83da93

“Don’t you think so?”a2b424069f21be5f

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Lee Kyuwol d965eb7529 ignored my 5b2571e117 silent warning 2d952fd687 and merely 65accf25af met my cac4df9cc6 gaze as a5dc1245ce he laughed.85e8e26d4f3bac57

“…You shouldn’t joke about something the listener will not find funny.”3093eaea47233db2

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I felt that the 0b16e01333 only normal person in f4eb07653d this house was Professor c8835a212a Lee. My mother fa509db524 mentioned an 8e7e085632 antique doll 4221435d79 from a 5950719e2c classic horror 8fa01a3aae movie and e279a1075e compared it a1e28952ce to ‘Our b90d87c892 Dayoung’ as 7524205d2c she snickered.257d79e7c5320e92

Surprisingly, I 47016ae9fc saw that 9281ce54d2 Lee Kyuwol e8e4538307 didn’t say 770a9805e8 a word 76c3aca0a3 about my a011eab418 mother’s joke. For a while b9f901a47a after that, the 3ddf3668b0 only sounds coming 6e123030d2 from the table d964c976d7 were the sounds 4b1f8b0e65 of people finishing 7f5e7b3bce their food. I stared at the 1be0c7f909 salmon on my plate 29a1faa2a8 and wished that I 92b56f4a49 could disappear and leave ec4cd2111c this uncomfortable table.9c844c7ca0909969

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“Dayoung, I’m sorry to efce967633 bother, but can you 88eef2b0a4 hand me a napkin?”3f26b66baa532051

846e7b63b7640158

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Lee Kyuwol asked for 274e7f6fef a favor, but it e8a6d3e0f3 sounded like a command. I didn’t care 3688990f48 either way. I pulled out three 24545f2e52 thin tissues from the 4ebd57831e dispenser next to me e556e49f23 and held it up 08c0aca3eb to him without looking a109aa5287 at him.e6776e4533f9b0be

“Here.”4875fbbee590a55a

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“Thanks.”c186b68526a573e2

Lee Kyuwol answered 0b7f3384fb in a bright 730848a351 voice and took 5dcf17e067 the tissue from ab484155a1 my hand.499a980500059e1b

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Crackle. An electric shock 577f2fc624 came from his 8655ba361e fingertips.60cae8188aee3f60

He deliberately f5b6ae9716 held my 65241c7973 finger and a17fe49374 stroked it. Then he gazed c69626a4e3 at my scowling a67db8860c face and grinned 457ab78c34 at me. That’s when I 941dd208f6 knew this was a04402af81 not purely an 200402308d accident.ff44c23b534532de

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“…What are you doing?”2eddbe860d23129e

My strained 875d579dae voice burst 43f209f64e out of 23e554e1f4 my lips 91b23fc04f before I 882ab39299 could think.d3c034060c30b674

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“What’s wrong?”3cb9fc00674f6e86

He asked 9aab6d8c02 so naturally, b49dff055f and his cd98548dab face looked 8f8720c0f5 so despicable. In no time, the f22610ed4a thin tissue was in 2d4ce9b6e3 his hand, and he 75c7691844 was wiping his mouth 2dd99a22ef with it. When I saw his 6ad1833255 languid movements, my mouth 0243ac274a ran dry, and my 4d01e3a26e heart began to race d1f6934d49 as goosebumps formed on f39d43883e my skin. Even though 23632d33ec I couldn’t 99d0d03569 see his 0c9f71ffac mouth, I b6c4a82804 felt like 98728c0b19 I knew d6b313f8e4 what kind 8deaedc577 of expression 7b70ac39a6 he was e9faed935e making right dc3944ed04 now.a2ee78813aa00409

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“What’s wrong? Do you feel 3cb0877030 unwell?”ad83154cbb63270d

I was sure d9d8b248e5 Lee Kyuwol was 05f60f6b51 mocking me because 8c4d52beac I always reacted d9405a5433 like an idiot 5eabb4bfc7 whenever we physically bcbc0e1c0c touched. He was teasing me. I glared back 86caf69ea5 at him and 7aba3b2b98 whispered back to 4b3758ff0e him.de8ed0bcc9c00ead

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“Don’t touch me.”fd51d4e128819db9

“Hm?”f018723d3a5908df

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I wanted to smack fb156b5dce that innocent look off 4e9a879e83 his face. I bit 577937a251 my lower 5b2d24061c lip and 4735a9d262 spit out 673f371079 each word fd5e0fa912 in a abd5b613f7 clear voice.91fbe70cf3eda0e6

“Keep. Your hands. Off. Me.”681c34151eff315b

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Sitting across from me, 2b05186dcd my mother raised her e668a56036 voice as her eyes c113ab71aa widened.81f175b88319c367

“Omo, what are 01b32ffd9a you saying right 137ed3ebe7 now? Please understand, Athlete Kyuwol. She’s usually quiet, but f806fa15dc she’ll have outbursts like 40e54cb1a9 this from time to e74b3e7322 time, flustering everyone around 7f69cdd3e4 her.”3aee9aab7d38c0b6

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“Not at all. I must have cc1055e982 made a mistake.”cb3f753d18a1c8be

I felt 3c04df3e9d my forehead fee0a03841 grow warm 8895c32dcc as blood 96820af56d rushed up f0496df8aa my neck ba3ac9f862 to my 609300275f cheeks. A terrible 5590797985 feeling began 41079195c7 to bubble aeff615214 deep inside 60e42ee6b5 like lava.ae0b817e8b00fc88

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Jerk.02329befbd40c4f6

I swallowed the curse 3ee6c04c19 that threatened to leave 66ad799b7e my lips and stood 22d4eb95e7 up even though I c3ded80962 hadn’t finished my meal. The heavy dining chair 71b136631f scraped loudly along the 5086805644 wooden floor.0c0101c25346004b

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“Jung Dayoung. What do 00b8599e24 you think 0c52c308ff you’re doing?”0ba7372eeaa67e0f

My mother looked up bb4aa06db4 at me in disbelief. She was b39cbec359 doing her 381d158506 best to afd0090054 keep her eeb7d0154d voice steady, 9d161d1c6f but she 2f622fbdac was glaring 86467248ba at me.b0f82bb914ba6bc3

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Even though c78b89873f I was ba997e57c9 the only c9933e58be one standing f182176f69 at the a45288ec5e table, I 054e136355 did not d826f85083 have the e698d59483 courage to 98da477ebe look my be65ff939a mother in 3828d8cf2c the eye. It was a reflex 18a93b5c9d and a habit that 93e3a1b98a had formed because of 3b51bd846b the way I always d27f080c10 walked on eggshells around 949b769dd0 her.7ca0f252d3a07651

“I asked you. What do you think 84c7dde90a you’re doing?”ed2a7aede1a5fe4f

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I could hear annoyance 71948f0b7d in her voice. I picked up 9fb600c1c6 my plate and b182a9bca8 lowered my head eaaaa5a1fb to my chest. My black hair c78f847175 spilled over my 2fe713d0a0 face. I hid my unsightly, a03345c8a8 red face and mumbled 2b2d88ec88 in a soft voice.8e54955740dc1873

“…I have an exam tomorrow, so…”1eec18d86b96f999

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“My goodness. Do you think you’re 392438ab1f the only high school 0eed127a95 senior in the world? Is it 85fe98fdd9 some kind 7c5c2697fd of government 29f79a718c post? No manners ccf03f2325 at all…”c26bb7cb415e283c

Professor Lee 07ecd4124d quietly grabbed c1fa8cb042 her mother’s e01730b181 arm. I gulped before 11ce73f1c6 speaking up.158c25c73353568b

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“…Thank you for the meal. I’ll take my leave first. I’m sorry.”e0d8a7380714a73b

“I really don’t know 4b44cad6bb why she’s like this.”dc6b3b75c36079e8

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“Hurry back to your df8f5a1c42 room and study.”92f4a108e757c3ec

Professor Lee spoke up d8d7e1c6a1 instead of my mother. As if she were 5ab557df5c satisfied by my deflated 4b6974488b tone of voice, my 5e0b8f356e mother changed the subject.87d39f8bb5a485dc

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“Professor Lee, would you a0c3c884b8 like some more wine? Would Athlete Kyuwol 08ff8d6358 also like a d977f07a71 glass? It’s a bit 34461b7fe4 late, but think 778c36e082 of it as f0cf3fef17 a way to 41f7ed38ab celebrate winning a b83bc7cfad medal at the 947b010ddd Presidential Swimming Championship.”1ba40a81319b96dc

“No, I’m fine.”09c40c0cfa4e9a1b

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“Don’t be like f2db654eb2 that. You’re supposed cdbfb2f4a6 to learn 15902361c3 how to a62206bfd3 drink liquor 3e136e27f1 from the 80311a31f7 adults.”660456f046b42766

“I’ve just a50ce98b3a been hearing d88ff6b040 some talk 4f64b8dcf7 going around. We might suddenly 9a0877de08 get tested at 55c9d34962 random, too.”dded5375db3c1e51

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I threw be8628a716 the half-eaten 5db2653ff2 salmon into 30405c4dcb the sink 31b0034f9a as the 3cee0eff4c conversation continued 4408008ba0 behind me. It was as 59a09467ed if my sudden 1b6091f9c8 outburst a moment e01ec04704 ago hadn’t even 6e4399effc happened.74782b55822807d4

“Is it eec7c72308 because of bbe60d1f2c that Chinese 4fd59f45eb athlete’s doping 5cbc9a2ba2 incident?”f536d487d77f6056

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“Probably.”2e0c636ab36a4100

“But how can 2ca74100e5 they doubt innocent 0a40760676 athletes as well? Is this a 2056e1e186 body that can c748be51bb be achieved with 511fc8124b a mere shot? Our Athlete Kyuwol was f7c4dbe775 born with this marvelous 89e55963a6 physique…”a2417f6a9b92455e

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I silently cleaned bc159d87db my plate and 2bfb7b98c5 turned my back 22e4bba2f6 on my mother 97ccd907a8 who had changed d727775c9a the subject to 20220dd4e9 the doping scandal 6fe451b937 that had shaken 1a238af9db the sports world. I hurried back to 57da4674da my room. After the incident d6d386c6c5 with the gym 0c5e34b8d4 trainer, my mother ecede7d02b deemed all athletes b10c996cf6 to be ignorant 3ff537aeb1 fools. However, there 0d2e9f94af was no c1625ea76a doubt that 6a92ba60c5 she had d3cfa37ff8 done a 92defcd51f quick thirty d81c0e86df minute search 5ba58b57c8 online for 86dfcbe487 the sake 861bb30ec1 of this 084d518ae8 dinner with 2f549676ea Lee Kyuwol.a357114c010f4cfc

Click.7113bc95ae83094f

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I closed the 292a9eda59 door. Even though there was dee4f73803 a wall between me ebccccbab8 and the three of e31aa1bff3 them, I still did 53783c6200 not feel any better. My mother felt 03395f35c2 more like a eb69a52aa5 stranger than the 714d6bb0de other two strangers 3c5e647582 that I was 6c80b58526 to call ‘family’, 372f8c502e and I wasn’t 63d56049b8 sure if my 6f83d68803 poor mood was 7456188557 due to my 83c363f237 disappointment in her, 0531365ffb my anger towards ba83710a7d the mysterious Lee a5a71ba00f Kyuwol, or a f43de2018c sense of shame 1e6094ffdb at the way fc57585471 I reacted when ffaf1c1326 Lee Kyuwol and ba5aea4d89 I physically touched. I wasn’t sure which 67826615c0 of the three was c419489663 the reason.6aad4da1522ac08a

I let out a bb0c217e4f deep breath before sitting c695d24ef2 down at my desk. My hands were b775e4351d not gentle as 1b7dd307b1 I flipped through 8102762342 a textbook. My heart 0047c1311e didn’t seem ac96d82a26 like it 5bf9527f76 was going 194ea80b18 to slow 9b008a5572 down anytime 8a7c7d5eb7 soon. The faint 2eb41362db sound of f884f5a0b3 my mother’s 9193bb985f piercing, shrill 8ef34fb959 laugh continued b773a57c75 to taunt ab8d4323ee my ears.2503a6e467e0265a

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I pulled out a pair of earplugs from my desk drawer and crammed them into my ears. I gripped my mechanical pencil in my hand. The words would not enter my head and seemed to spin in front of my eyes. This time, I couldn’t focus because I could still clearly feel the way Lee Kyuwol’s arm had brushed against the back of mine. 9d805008f2298860

His fingers almost grazed d2da17c519 along my back as 31f2161894 they tapped against the 02293fdfb6 back of my chair. He had a190efd864 slightly held ae35ccf749 my hand 4272b37272 as he 9f7573575b took the 81bdbbc7e8 tissue from 66aa28bf97 my grasp. In that single moment, 5b494836c4 I felt his warmth, 72797a9252 and it caused my 4425923a5b throat to run dry.d8a8e787f01e4ad7

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“Haa…”2c037202beff618f

While those f17e334987 thoughts were 105a308ca9 running through abe017bbc0 my head, d832b13653 I refused 0f538f887c to acknowledge e85620b716 the slight d2d00d43a2 tingle of 7520a7c903 sexual desire f0bb5c7afa coming from 167d0be54a between my 9b1235cac8 legs. To be 23a0efd0bb completely honest, 36e7f64c8a the reason 1c61fc5313 for my 301d89e82c over-the-top reaction f7ea403f96 was exactly 4bac491cb2 this. When our hands touched, b3862b5daa my throat had run a9a018cf57 dry just like now, ba505bfa65 and my lower abdomen f0772d79d0 twinged. I felt my 40fc8da113 heart racing inside 0abb130dd8 my chest.f8e8cc441e50b24d

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In the past, f046bacaee when my mother’s 8950b5e001 lovers passed through, 57a76da8d1 I had long 7448f0af17 lost the ability a722f4f155 to have sexual b50b7bb1c6 dreams and fantasies 4aa2d2ef18 of the opposite b65ad467cb gender.67d107a227f30d42

Of course, 04df210bde just because 604d72474a I was 68b6d37bb1 repulsed by a1fa7391ed men did b47a93f94e not mean 6f7d345181 I did d22a51211b not have 793cf500ed any sexual 22c6da1a1f desires. However, all of c307f00d39 the subjects in 3541ecaeee my sexual fantasies 8ade2a39df were imaginary.04cb79b224cfc0e6

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They were usually 03dfdda66d fictional characters from fe00d147d4 the classical romance cfaa2a0e13 novels I’d read bbb703585f or those that 43e369ead1 I had seen ed57d55781 on the television 6190189fce screen. Some were a05159fdc3 foreign pop 6fcdb4a87f stars who 20be1392b3 had already ae38d943f4 died. In other 9b5379915e words, they 27e3c8900d never revolved 5cd7e26a31 around living, 616228c044 breathing boys e934191481 of my 7a5f089ed7 age who 173f696a56 walked in 9377eacc0b front of 2ff9dccd35 my very 5a6c876591 eyes.186cc474e546a13a

But to think eb8078cad9 that it was 5401b47c9c Lee Kyuwol of 8f850e2d60 all people…6481a9fb42a01820

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I blamed it 8d38f37cee on the fact 31aad6f03f that it was 4983998286 merely one of 71faf0818f the symptoms that 5df2a82a5f seemed to flare 3eb4ef0496 up before I 5b73a549ad had my period. I brushed it 75eadda111 off and opened 85365ef4d0 my reference book 665ebe2986 and began to 58d6516f5a write furiously next 83eb0527d3 to my dense d56cfcbc89 notes.2bca6cb93c6fe542

‘Lee Kyuwol. Fuck. Son of a 2ff49051db bitch. That jerk.’ Once a430c4ec59 I wrote these 5db8b9bb10 words on the 3bff64de67 edge of the 6e2f71775a page, I recalled 99575a2cc1 what Lee Kyuwol 1a423e389f had said during f39bb5a6b0 dinner. My face suddenly grew dc038b3605 warm, and I covered fbbf0e4ef7 my cheeks with both c999582d08 hands. The warmth 4de3341aea traveled from c320e86a02 my cheeks 058a98e1d5 to my 0ac23b62f0 palms.65742312d69afdbc

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Ba-dump. Ba-dump.My heart showed no d76979308d signs of slowing down. I slapped my 8b8fb798d4 cheeks with my 835c40db9b hands before burying 26aaff4f7e my face into fc97aadd56 my reference book.89247fc1868b4a48