MLCD Chapter 4.2

“It feels good to speak. Don’t you think so too?”8edfb3a642de510c

The man asked. He blinked. He hadn’t noticed until just now, but the man’s speech had suddenly become more casual¹.2f32c90a30fc0575

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The man quickly noticed 960e2268f6 what was bothering him.9b123be4f5e23a62

“What? You don’t like me speaking casually to you?”60df784b14b42edf

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A refreshing voice.It’s incomparably 8f22bd7a5b clearer than d6ac05e4d9 my dry 4ecb1ae518 voice that 32c856e1a3 sounds hoarse.As he f2a357cfef did nothing 356fa8d433 more than e40061edc3 blinking, the e69495dbf1 man playfully c14145eca5 wrinkled his 6221e81f7e nose.12439d58f8d21c0e

“Even if you don’t like it, what can you do about it? Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you thinkIt’s difficult to tl 132275e08c this in English but 4528191e1d welp. Since they’ve met, bc9d04afe9 Shavonne has been 7dd453be5b talking in a 9522b01deb polite way to 263bb49df2 him since they’re 93d69d6455 ‘strangers’ and not e11a68eef6 that close but af9e91d5f4 all the words ec6aaced69 Lewellyn has said db0758f3d0 rn are in 342012f0db a very informal 1b66064ceb way, only used 6f3b7bfed3 with people you’re c92d8be6af close with, so 8a14acaffe when Shavonne heard 8c340f477d him talk like d3727d9edf that, he switched f2100be813 to doing that 810dd928a9 too.²”e970b0ed04a0f6d4

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‘Don’t you think?’ was a phrase that demanded a response, but he remained silent without showing any reaction, just as he had been doing all along. He didn’t want to speak. For two reasons.64b83d66c60ef26f

The first one has been explained already: speaking made him dizzy, nauseous, and break out in cold sweat as if he was going to vomit. The second was a newly formed reason: he didn’t want to let out his dry, hoarse voice in front of the man. He was embarrassed.8ef385b9d59756ac

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“…Alright. If you don’t want to speak, I can’t force you.”2d2e71f982e0d42d

The man seemed disappointed. The man was trying to speak cheerfully as if he wasn’t disappointed, but in reality, he was. It was clear even to him, who was not good at reading people’s faces. He was restless. Have I disappointed 086a1ea0b5 him? Have I disappointed him 177736b221 because I stayed silent?fb029c6550dd2e86

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The man was 0c404cfa1e about to turn 7a58a9e7ce away. His shoulders, facing the 573035f7d3 iron door, were drooping d731893674 lifelessly. He opened his mouth. His body faf42d98c4 moved ahead cbfbae8b45 of the d5c575cf0b thought that 5e2e2b069b he might d4c73f069c get dizzy, b2799be506 nauseous, and 9a018091f1 break out 8b16d578ec in cold 7ae0dc28fb sweat.1715c9f68c2f11b7

“Don’t you think?”3f0613e11df21c6e

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The man turned back to look at him. His face was unsure, as if wondering if he had heard wrong. He wanted to let him know that he hadn’t, so he opened his mouth again.2b5ff38afc55982f

“Don’t you think?”4f164bc058ca7691

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The man, who was about to ask “What?”, stopped. He seemed to have belatedly realized that he had simply repeated the end of what the man had just said, that is, the ‘don’t you think?’ at the end of “Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you think?”48e16b5f0fcff545

He had spoken, despite the dizziness, nausea, and cold sweat, despite the embarrassment, but what if it hadn’t conveyed the fact that he absolutely didn’t want to disappoint the man? He was anxious. He wondered whether he should say “Don’t you think?” again or not.16fb80d7cb8d933c

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Then, the man burst out laughing with a “Pffft.” He was dumbfounded. He just looked up at the man, who wouldn’t stop laughing, with blinking eyes.cc7e863030585379

The man couldn’t stop laughing for quite a while. Whenever he tried to stop laughing, he would look at him and laugh as if sobbing, then try to stop again but look at him and gasp as if he couldn’t breathe, then try to stop again but look at him and bury his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.07338856d3be2472

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He frowned. When guards had pointed at him and burst into laughter, mocking him, he hadn’t felt anything, but when the man burst into laughter, he felt terrible. No, to be precise, it was because he didn’t know why the man was laughing. He was angry because he didn’t know what the man liked, what he disliked, what made him cry, what made him laugh. He was angry because he didn’t know the man.2b4600ddcc26e953

“Why are you laughing?”2c056b986bf1f32b

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He said. As always, fd97ed05b3 when he 316f720bc7 spoke, he 099b6ed964 felt dizzy, 0e2c9372fa nauseous, and a56f207185 broke out 0c67873d4d in cold 3ccc0f04d0 sweat, but 35c14f402b fortunately or 172a994ef3 unfortunately, it 9045a7681b was less 6fff266594 so than de9b4ca0a2 before.f78ab7b64a0b7994

The man a18f026986 finally stopped 8fbb645682 laughing only 6ca84e159b after hearing ecead33b99 the question. However, there 43f07b937b was still 5f33a64853 a light f12968b19c hint of 6ededca839 laughter in e82cb0c8ee his voice.b65437d8c95b6335

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“I’m sorry, you’re just too…”8ff4ccf26630b127

The man f0d24831ae started to 57e6534398 answer but 33c312a41d stopped.You’re just too what?While waiting 85a589c0af for the 2eb20b6cd5 rest of a71fe0cc0c the sentence, 31ccd2a390 the man 92bad44045 waved his e0bbc683d3 hand as de31070281 if he f8e80c59bf hadn’t said 2196de08c8 anything.9463c3c026ccea69

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“It’s nothing.”e39cc9afb5c3da2b

Before he could press further (or more accurately, before he could recall what words to use to press further), the man left the room. Just before opening the iron door, he turned back and said goodbye. “I’m going.” Then, as if realizing he had said the wrong thing, he immediately corrected himself. “I’ll be back.”fe5e066c192ef62c

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There was a clank as the iron door opened and closed, and the man’s back disappeared. As always, he was left alone in the solitary cell. But he wasn’t left lonely. Because the man’s promise to come again was left with him.085e2c8e6f0ccc44

That night, he didn’t sleep and mulled over the words the man had said to him. If words were tangible, their corners would be worn out from being thought about countless times.88dcd652f6ddd5cc

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‘It feels good to speak. Don’t you think so too?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had answered, “Yeah, I think so too.”d330340b196bd50f

‘What? You don’t like me speaking casually to you?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had answered, “I don’t dislike it.”8aadf0b4bd94abbb

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Just like the 063968635d man doesn’t suit 6f00a9824d the words “poker, 56a77dba6f knife, baton”, I 5c677a0af2 wish I had 95fbea6e52 told him that abf7a1c0ba he also didn’t a83e51bb09 suit the word 34e9644304 “dislike³”.0505b9c41ddcddff

‘Even if you don’t like it, what can you do about it? Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you think?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had asked who this ‘someone’ was.9d708750a42307d7

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It would have d03353c976 been nice if e1a9d54401 he had asked 896f957540 what casual speech 02489e050b and polite speech d9641ff147 were. (If adding a letter af5bf495ec at the end of 4dd3afb350 a sentence is calledpolite speech⁴) It c656e1bd31 would have 187b80042c been nice 0d7ca8613d if he 39b035181a had asked 33347705ab to be 5290ecb3ed taught the a361bf5671 differences and 171f894eda whether he 1004ea5341 should use 772eb71bc7 casual or 2f6063bb8e polite speech cbb6b52fde so that 09902464b2 the man 0083d780ba could like b416aa958d him.36e45aecc47a7f11

He raised his body, which was curled up at the edge of the room. It was a problem worth considering. The man was happy when he spoke. That was clear. However, he couldn’t even guess whether the man would be happier if he used casual speech or rather he’d prefer polite speech.790c86caafae3fc4

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As he pondered, he began to practice both casual and polite speech. He moved his lips, spitting out one syllable, one word, one sentence. When he spoke that night, he didn’t feel dizzy, nauseous, or break out in cold sweat. It was strange. But he didn’t think deeply about it. Everything had been strange since meeting the man, so if he were to question strange things, there would be no end to it.d8a54fe2ee84488f

***79cbc00b06e1ec09

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The man would open the iron door, and he would be silent. “You won’t even greet me?” He’d grumble, and then there was silence. “Well then, hello to you too. I hope you’re doing well.” He’d greet him, and silence again. The time he spent together with the man had always been the same. That is, until yesterday.2ddcb5b58eec1d42

With a heavy clunk, the iron door opened, revealing a familiar silhouette – the man. Though his legs were not fully functional, and he could only move his head, his heart had already sprung up to greet the man. Before the man could even greet him, he spoke. These were words he had practiced all night without sleep.f6b7a09f83787296

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“Yeah, I think so… too.”2a8bd366d848dba5

The man didn’t seem flustered at all. “Is the new greeting these days ‘yeah, I think so too’, instead of the classic ‘hello’?” the man said, unfazed, as he unpacked the bundle.51022bf647ce7242

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He hadn’t expected a particularly special reaction, but he had hoped for a more excited one, so he felt a little disappointed. But he couldn’t just give up on saying all words he had practiced all night. He spoke again.be85c9e60859bd29

“I don’t dislike it.“⁵4fbce9a779ddc259

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Only then did the man pause in unpacking his bundle and turn to look at him. At first, he seemed to think “I don’t dislike it.” was just a slip of tongue, but when he remembered the awkward “yeah, I think so too”, the man realized it wasn’t said by mistake. “Why are you speaking that way?”07725a2dfa164ea9

He was going to say “The word ‘dislike’ doesn’t suit you,” but he kept his mouth shut, flustered. Even though he had carefully added the polite ending as the man had described, it seemed he had messed up badly. Seeing his silence, the man didn’t press further, just shrugging his shoulders and moving on as if it never happened.5654507ed073192d

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Unlike usual, the man was wearing a mitten on his left hand and thimbles on his right. When he stared at it, the man explained, “In case someone tries to bite my fingers.”b812da680d285236

That wasn’t the only thing different. He always had one bundle, but today there were two.b8dcf3a2db012b83

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One was the 5bbe8c57a3 familiar bundle of 269af131e2 onions, but the 73e758a768 other was not. Whatever was inside, 526f260832 its bulky shape 4d1e3bdf33 gave the bundle 4d5e7d8139 a square shape. He guessed it 022baa5096 was a bone. The question fd62b15e73 was, which 28db53e1aa bone? It was bd9c124714 too square 008741a425 to be 7989b78480 a skull 7be3c91b4a and too 2de5f90acc rigid to 2c8b1452d1 be a 637197b9eb rib. Perhaps a vertebra?bbd90b7e3868f001

However, contrary c2eb46ead2 to his 619661ed63 guess, the 0c3ffd6d46 next moment 550835cb91 the man 1b4741b5ba pulled something 5d351338fb out of b46c15d66f the bundle bbfbff0965 that wasn’t cdb1b2d847 a bone 26b543dc4f at all. Apart from 7166fb82d9 being hard, fe23175608 it had 2ea1321d26 no resemblance 3af6e5ae97 to a 728a44a006 bone.537e4cd0cf6a0089

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“What’s this?”781aad594fc5eb89

I don’t know what 0b82e63f0f that is.709bca9c622f8135

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“It’s a book.”1616276489d7adcc

Pointing out the cover and pages, the man made the sheets of paper flutter. He wasn’t curious. Among the unfamiliar, strange, and unknown things, the only thing he was interested in was the man.67bcbfc1dd426424

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The more he looked, the more curious he was about the man. He wanted to know him. Every part of the man – his eyes, nose, lips, the dimples that bloomed on his face when he smiled, his hair, the strands of hair that were disheveled around his ears, his neck, his smooth shoulders, his arms, his hands, his fingers, his nails, the hangnails next to his nails. Every inch of the man was a mystery to him.902388f3463f5608

With this unsolvable puzzle right in front of him, he had no energy to spare for something as trivial as a “book.”d5186deb7acd676d

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“I don’t know.”dc347cc5caf76024

He said, b78234e95d not ending d4fbe12cc5 the sentence 8b29c3d0e2 in a 4a68ea673d polite way 839121ff9e because he f09bf1f8ac was afraid ff0ef5e412 the man e94729ddb9 would mock 7f31f580ad him.d99e93b1ff5e82ad

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“It’s really interesting. Once you read it, you’ll like it even more than just being with me.” The man smiled. “I’ll teach you to read so that when I’m not here, you can read it by yourself.”7e9522480a4706d0

He was annoyed. The man was so preoccupied with the “book” that he didn’t care at all whether he spoke politely or not. The man said he would read the book aloud. He had also handed him onions, but whereas they were usually sliced the size of a fingernail, today they were less than half that size.64ca9752160df356

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The man didn’t even watch to see if he was eating the onions, immediately opening the book. He recited the table of contents. “‘Chapter 1, Down the Rabbit Hole.'”c5debe8d128a411f

He stuffed a handful of onion slices into his mouth and started making noise as if he were choking. “Just sit still. Stop acting.” The man said without taking his eyes off the pages. He stopped his act and looked at the man instead. His blinking eyes were fixed on the side of the man’s face.504f8008627260e8

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“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading…”74cbb1e7e2f656b9

One page, two pages… By the time the pages had flipped over several times, he found himself crouched in front of the man. When the man read “Alice jumped down the rabbit hole,” they were three steps apart; when he read “and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it,” they were two steps apart; and when he read “Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole,” they were only one step away. He could even make out all the details of the man’s lowered eyes and the length of his eyelashes.9e68ecd70ca739aa

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For a moment, he couldn’t take his eyes off the man.3cba2183e111df34

“… ’round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters’… You’re not listening, are you?”4d1011d803912d43

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The man suddenly looked up. Apparently, he hadn’t realized how close he had moved. A look of surprise flashed across his face. As if the eye contact made him uncomfortable, the man tried to turn away, but he didn’t want that.d356c9c5ec2e7cfe

He leaned in close, almost close enough for their skin to touch if he tilted his head even a little. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s eyes. His own reflection was captured in the man’s eyes. He was there, in the man’s eyes.9df2549f7a6ded1e

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“Yeah.”f3e92e6f0da4d7df

His heart was pounding.175db062d4319751

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He stopped and just 5aaa03b604 stared at him. He had d9977afbb8 thought staring 32e3ea0c40 at the 1e5b37405c man would e1cf1341ba be as 3788b8962a boring as 8d999a5f62 looking at 8e2a9dd6a6 the iron 4946c20aa1 door, the f8b1188423 light bulb, 224dd98dfb or the 052663757e ventilation pipe, 0647878a2e but he 03b9d045cd was wrong.313f31e019fb2b2e

It wasn’t boring at all. Examining every detail of the man’s eyes, which parts shone most under the light, which parts grew deepest in the shadows, never got tiring. He felt he could do it for the rest of his life.f545d8b8efc50e8f

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“Uh…”5a1f9b0f624f6beb

The man 3fa3aca0ae began, fixing 184ad394a5 his gaze c5d68bc0ed resolutely on e041afb239 a point d97acdd1ce in the 3ffefbcdf1 air.9b05738c39bbfbe3

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“…Don’t you think you’re too close?”e0179e9166950315

Of course not. He didn’t think that at all. No, to be more precise, he wasn’t thinking about anything. He was too preoccupied watching the movements of the man’s lips to consider whether he was close or far, how close exactly, what would be an appropriate distance, or what would be considered too close.1b392335fca29043

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He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s lips, how they hesitated and parted when he said “Uh…”, how they formed a circle when he said “too”, how they straightened out and then curved again when he said “close.”c6e568f2d0b79139

When he didn’t answer, the man sighed, as if he had expected as much. Of course, his gaze still followed every movement the man did, like how the man’s lips parted with the sigh, his brow furrowed, and his body rose and fell lightly.ec30200bbffd20ec

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The man closed the book he was holding and pressed the book’s spine against his forehead, pushing him back. Shoved back to a distance of three steps, he was dazed.8877c2408996813d

But the daze was fleeting. He leaned in close again. He wanted to look closely at the man’s eyes and lips. He wanted to see the long eyelashes surrounding his eyes, and the white teeth that peeked through his lips when he spoke.9c1f6fc18499ef7e

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The man was firm.7ac0360941ded0e5

“No.”68895a90a1437567

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He was pushed back 993dd45c4f to the three step 88d38600c3 distance again.436674b2ead83684

Lean in, get pushed back. Lean in, get pushed back. It happened over and over, and he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. His face flushed red as he panted angrily. His eyes glared at the man, but the man didn’t even twitch an eyebrow.69aa9d578add7a62

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“Just like that. Stay right there.”9e4fb5628cecc64b

He never c2c8c1f604 had any e68a7b0149 intention of cb97ed8a16 staying still, 6332c399f4 but hearing b1c97188f5 the order 7ed89f352e made him 37ccd9442e even more f01ddea565 unwilling to 415584ca92 do so. As he was about 2916d90184 to forcefully lean in cd20ab9f28 again, the man raised a3f750c851 his hand to stop 8314f50a72 him. Then, the man 64863b44b5 said,b2a6a29b208d7dec

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“No. Don’t come here.”fa25550346defafe

Taken aback by the man’s firm tone, which was a first, he hesitated in his defiance. He was suddenly afraid that if he resisted, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.c73dd16b2ee8c509

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“Yes, there.”c9a92c1edb188005

The “there” the man was pointing to was the spot where he had been pushed back to, again and again – three steps away. He stood still. Why was the man trying to put three steps between them?05c73facca1e96b5

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Perhaps it had some 88f983932e meaning, like how the 848080b345 hazy smoke filling the f9a11cdd13 room was a signal 674f7d6116 that work was beginning, c9ce95d525 or how the Vice 5995d722ba Warden would carefully remove 788f832b0f his watch and tuck 9ae4be866f it into the inner a3ddc75870 pocket of his shirt 3bac2ef4a8 was a sign that 03e7af1120 he was about to 97d88ee99c be beaten up until 10a309ce9c he coughed up blood.07a72198902e2f9b

He wondered what the meaning of this three step distance could be. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.b8a2758f7b9bbb40

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“It’s a safety distance.”7a02c45c196cce1f

His voice was softer than before, but still firm*. Safety distance?* He couldn’t understand why he needed a safety distance when he didn’t bite the man, and even if he wanted to, his body was damaged and he was wearing a muzzle, so he couldn’t bite. It was as much of a mystery to him as why the man was wiping his pus, feeding him onions, and reading books to him.3ffe997cd4fc894b

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He wanted to ask why, but couldn’t. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, or think he was dumber than a baton or a knife and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.683046828b2a84fd

He had seen the f3b13f2fde guards who were afraid 403e9c6541 to work because they 7ceeafcdd8 were afraid of being 13e20c28f2 bitten. Even when they 436f7792af had batons, knives, 299d21c1e2 or pokers, every 96a7ddadf6 time he bared cfde607be1 his teeth and ab2e2fc97e growled, they would 1551c590e3 flinch and back 4b3eb71e7c away.774251423586d564

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He had thought they were cowards, but they weren’t. The real coward was him. He wasn’t afraid of bleeding, being bruised, or breaking his bones, but he was afraid of the man leaving and never coming back.e9e866b39c3d6074

“I have to go.”cfdeaa57bb3a81e8

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The man pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch. He wanted to break the watch that was taking the man out of his universe, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away.0e6100adc03e60e2

The man grabbed the book and got up. He wanted to see him off, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away. He had to watch helplessly as the man put on his outer clothes, adjusted his hat, and left with the bundle.c1786968d9eaa015

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“I’ll be back.”950491911afdc45c

Clang, the metal fa24a161b0 door opened and ab1ff8da4a closed. The room was 86abaa8c2d empty except for fe5958970d him and the 73daa41919 promise.3b189bcc8c0da46e

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Staring at 4322ba2237 the closed 2851a8209d metal door, 7d82388a70 he thought 1643ca6d7a again. Perhaps, contrary to what b2a25d3bfb he had thought, the d3887197f2 man might not be 46d37a60b0 something painless. He might be something 171f7f8f23 that hurt, but in 6dfb539d54 a way he had 92775725a5 never known before.32dfe3b1bdaf4e4b

He was f1ee7e7b7d afraid of 285ee9a684 the man ac64eae18a hurting him.e90f30a486c4d968

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***2045047fe554e37b

He never had any 1cfdd218fc intention of staying still, e6261c002a but hearing the order 934267cd8b made him even more 25e2453a34 unwilling to do so. As he was a32adff6cf about to forcefully d64966c8da lean in again, ed408cb0cc the man raised 160bc18bea his hand to 2d3ec7bc0e stop him. Then, the man said,29d0e9c4938b12af

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“No. Don’t come here.”01c2b9eb012ee0dd

Taken aback by the man’s firm tone, which was a first, he hesitated in his defiance. He was suddenly afraid that if he resisted, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.0a53f562f8d6e036

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“Yes, there.”6eb1f24ff470793a

The “there” the man was pointing to was the spot where he had been pushed back to, again and again – three steps away. He stood still. Why was the man trying to put three steps between them?144a2fc5d41b957d

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Perhaps it had 264ff5f62a some meaning, like b554bf0c7a how the hazy 81f06f32f6 smoke filling the dcac0c9be5 room was a 26f8d18601 signal that work 1c29280e81 was beginning, or c73c829821 how the Vice 1c766966af Warden would carefully a9baf11000 remove his watch 86f2caeb3b and tuck it b25ac90c45 into the inner 1bfa46bab4 pocket of his e955310e46 shirt was a fe0c2edd67 sign that he 9e95902c09 was about to 2731720654 be beaten up b57d1e39d1 until he coughed 7e1ceeaea3 up blood.be41c54eecf89daa

He wondered what the meaning of this three step distance could be. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.9998d41be9e90cdf

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“It’s a safety distance.”e9b55c19b8dba45f

His voice was softer than before, but still firm*. Safety distance?* He couldn’t understand why he needed a safety distance when he didn’t bite the man, and even if he wanted to, his body was damaged and he was wearing a muzzle, so he couldn’t bite. It was as much of a mystery to him as why the man was wiping his pus, feeding him onions, and reading books to him.6a852e0d62b0a8d2

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He wanted to ask why, but couldn’t. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, or think he was dumber than a baton or a knife and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.b92506205dacab16

He had 3f3fdeb517 seen the 4dcce47c58 guards who ea1a6838eb were afraid 77d805356a to work 0f57fdfaf4 because they 73b491fdbc were afraid 11522c132f of being cbb3d588ce bitten. Even when a3e47f34ac they had ded186e8b1 batons, knives, a01537be08 or pokers, 743a452b1b every time 86df43c4b0 he bared 8c2fe2b986 his teeth 8899688d37 and growled, 17af21cd3e they would 69a51685bf flinch and f6de0c1c32 back away.438f78bef8d56fa0

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He had thought they were cowards, but they weren’t. The real coward was him. He wasn’t afraid of bleeding, being bruised, or breaking his bones, but he was afraid of the man leaving and never coming back.bae48b8719696f96

“I have to go.”3d30075d5239ad16

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The man pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch. He wanted to break the watch that was taking the man out of his universe, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away.5a450b4d636d6b53

The man grabbed the book and got up. He wanted to see him off, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away. He had to watch helplessly as the man put on his outer clothes, adjusted his hat, and left with the bundle.bf0be7f575a72506

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“I’ll be back.”464245f69ad0f37f

Clang, the 5b47a89842 metal door 9983fe0fa8 opened and 2c32c26a1e closed. The room d4dba54360 was empty 75c0ddb0d7 except for a6b968fc96 him and a443a9377d the promise.d0ff3681a3215358

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Staring at 7c987063ce the closed 5e694c64d6 metal door, 060cc985ee he thought 1127df2912 again. Perhaps, contrary to 85125aa41d what he had d44a663b9d thought, the man fe5fdbe16e might not be 2430bbc49d something painless. He might be something 1fa3019458 that hurt, but in dbae6c3954 a way he had 36c8405dc3 never known before.c0838eea754b8eb7

He was afraid e7f8005f40 of the man a95daca7c7 hurting him.5dc83f237f26580f

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***f7b795aedff25591

Whether he listened or e1f4cef3f0 not, the man brought d99523d1a6 books again and again.3c4b910541034000

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“’It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair’…⁶ You’re not listening, are you?”6e66247f4da017b8

He answered by shaking his head. He was too busy looking at the man to have time to listen to what he was saying, as he was crouched three steps away. The man sighed. He didn’t move an inch. It was the first time he had ever experienced it, but the man’s sigh scared him. Not only the sighing, but the sparkle in his eyes disappearing was also scary. The man closed the book. Leaving the promise that he would come back, he gathered his things and left. When he returned the next day, the man read a new book to him.9db6eb2408c21395

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“‘Dear Wilhelm, I am reduced to the condition of those unfortunate wretches who believe they are pursued by an evil spirit. Sometimes I am oppressed, not by apprehension or fear, but by an inexpressible internal sensation, which weighs upon my heart, and impedes my breath!’…⁷ You’re not listening, are you?”92289878ea74936f

No, this time he was listening. He was focusing on listening to how the man’s voice lowered, rose, shook, and became firm. He could describe in detail how the man’s voice didn’t hurt him, where it was warm and where it was cold, and how the sound resonated. He answered by nodding his head. The man raised his eyebrows.f334d679ff7e80ea

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“If you were truly paying attention, tell me what I said.”fd71b0510159676c

He was 7b39a2946c at a 162b314ccf loss for 9f53999f7a words. He had listened da57d144b4 to the voice, 4a3bc05b48 not the words. There was no 9699ebc18b way he could e4e7b93820 tell what the 5186cd69f6 man had said.71b592dfb515cb4a

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“…So I thought.”8c2a026e307e27d1

The man let out a weak laugh. He didn’t move. The man’s weak laugh now scared him, unlike before. The sound of “haha”, the way he lightly turned his head without looking him in the eyes, and the resignation in his gaze were all frightening.33eaa4b07e68714d

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The man closed the a61ae4a5a7 book. Leaving the 6ebdbed9eb promise that f70d9b1153 he would f0e8959931 come back, 50abc1770c he gathered 1dd4230e2b his things 6d8a848ba7 and left. When he returned the c766ee5b8c next day, the man 677339c265 read a new book.c26ec6f1b5a314b6

“‘As he panted, he lifted her skirt. How could he! They didn’t share even a drop of blood, and yet he was her younger brother. Their strict father would never allow this relationship. Her hands trembled. But despite that fear, her body was soon soaked in his touch. I love you, he said, and then his lips touched hers.’… You’re not listening, are you?”a8703af17001e8fe

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No, this time he was really listening. He wasn’t just listening to the voice like last time, but also what the man was saying. He asked a question to prove that he was listening.0ebd9876c7a94822

“What’s ‘father’?”259f829dab6dfec5

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He felt really f11fd37125 proud. Maybe the d66aac4d50 man would 56d110eee6 praise him 697717daa7 for listening 763451f04a to the 1993d74177 book, but 7cbd8d6c21 to his 3d68b8a855 disappointment, the 51216442a5 man didn’t bb7a0721ef and just bc4b2cacd3 gave him cdc453847c a subtle b09a5fe7ae look.a6276dbcfbe2fbed

“…You’re curious about that?”2f1b1dde0d2d8b85

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What a strange reaction. He blinked his eyes. Was he supposed to be curious about something other than ‘father’? He quickly corrected himself.e0bc0b6d05d7ea71

“What’s ‘younger brother’?”e6b68e235eac0325

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“What do you mean with what’s younger brother? It’s family.”75d0d0d84a720ed3

The man 9d4476d50c kept his 82366d0e7d gaze on e1ab82d07f the book 65356327a9 as he eaa0a5b1d3 answered. The hand that turned d339d0c97d the pages was pale.84e2fad48f6290f3

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Family. Family. Family. He rolled the word ‘family’ around in his mouth. But unlike the words ‘father’ or ‘younger brother’, it didn’t seem to stick to his tongue.3d8fbec828348582

“What’s family?”7cb8416af0ecf8ad

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The hand that was turning the page paused, but only briefly. As if nothing had happened, the man kept his gaze on the book and turned the page. A shadow obscured his face, so he couldn’t see the expression the man had.2a03ac89e2687b2d

“It’s a good thing.”d06f52f8ef7079ac

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He added,576ca2f87c19fa34

“Like friends or lovers… that kind of thing.”1f4a1a9597c7adf9

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Friends, lovers, family. The words that the man pronounced sounded smooth, unlike when he pronounced them. He was curious about the man’s mouth. He wanted to know what shape it took so that he could pronounce ‘friends’, ‘lovers’, and ‘family’ so perfectly.4d5cd19cd28f3928

“Everyone has them. Some people don’t, but usually that’s how it is.”56d4f90bd39d222b

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It seems that 23dec58e08 people generally have 6a392de671 friends, lovers, and dd0ab77dbf family.He thought about 8cacfe1ee3 the faces he 990a5f1984 knew.Does Pharrell have c6620ea392 friends, lovers, and 76506c64b1 family? And the Vice c5d7d162ad Warden, and the 5899603760 guards?ff2556195049d2a8

What about the 08443dc2e5 man?0127e52498c319a2

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Does the dbd9459cc6 man have 0cafede3aa friends, lover, 5f555c5237 and family 7e2ac5ae04 too?94c4a81f5be0621b

“What about you?”f320695a0ce12f3f

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He looked 7deb852559 at the 03c6f79ea1 man.983e064e7efcac57

“Do you have them?”024e7f2016b47f18

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Silence.329a0b1f621a3773

He tilted his head. The man had never forgotten to answer whatever he asked. There was a time when he had bombarded the man with questions like ‘Is the cover light? Are the pages light?’, ‘What hurts more, the onion itself or its skin?’, ‘How can I bite the watch?’ in an attempt to delay the man from leaving, and the man had always answered. ‘I don’t know, I guess the cover is?’, ‘No idea’, ‘You better not bite it, it’s a very expensive watch”. That was how the man was. It was unusual for the man to remain silent without answering.f4401d30e794ade9

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He was just about to ask ‘You don’t?’, when the man suddenly spoke up, as if he had read his intention.2756ffe1562a309f

“Of course I do.”d976d535e0573baa

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His voice was hoarse.3154ad67634b8e05

“In my family, there are about… thirty-five people. I don’t know the exact number of friends I have, but it must be over fifty.” The man laughed. It looked like he was forcing the laughter. “I have a lover… too. I met him at Mount University in Rewood County, and he’s a wonderful person. His name is… Aaron, yeah, Aaron. He’s kind, fun, and invites me to his place every day. It’s been over three years since we’ve been dating, but it still feels the same as the beginning…”a9f2455e1d3b16d0

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“Then why are you with me?”a2dc3a4a98d82958

He cut him off d2ccb2de84 and asked. The man stopped f70305e6b5 talking. He asked again, 9c7236c271 firmly.ea2d9ddbac57ab45

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“Why are you not with your family, friends and lover, but with me?”17ad67aafc543c3f

Silence again. The man’s answer came long after the echo of his voice had faded.7a4d2ef478544a4d

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“I know.”e44241885baa4480

The man gave a short laugh. Again, it looked like he was forcing the laughter. He liked it when the man laughed, but he wished the man wouldn’t laugh if he couldn’t do it genuinely.288397d1ef399109

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“I guess it’s because I like you.”f116ff1e043ec16a

A weak voice 1499191866 fell from above. The man closed the 93380692cb book. The hand that 029b6a81d8 closed the book 2f144d413e was as pale 72bffc1354 as a faded 4d0d6dac6b scar. Leaving the promise that 9d7a32618e he would come back, d3da233a8a the man gathered his f6384e5d92 things and left. When he 4f15f30405 returned the 793ae47051 next day, 15af89bb84 the man 0d564c2f85 didn’t bring 18b0da8b52 a book.fd2f52cc6c7720be

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He was in his usual outfit, with a cap on and a bundle on his back, but instead of a book, the man was carrying a new thing. It was black, big, and heavy. The man called it a “typewriter”.b5db8daeb53273f1

“Watch closely.”622ecc4c1cf61a6c

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The man spoke as if he had been waiting to show him. The weak look from the night before had disappeared, and his vitality had returned. He put paper into the rubber wheel and pressed the keys. Metal rose up with a “click” and stamped something onto the paper, leaving the same kind of markings that the books had all over its pages. Letters.788d3dc57a9cbc89

“Ta-da!”cf0f407e9fb87753

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The man turned to him with an excited expression. But he wasn’t interested in the typewriter. Even if the typewriter could create people, he wouldn’t have been interested. His entire attention was focused on the man. He was anxiously worried that the man would laugh weakly again, his voice would become hoarse, or he would fall silent.32e07d937abdd253

“Amazing, right? Do you want to try touching it?” He urged for a response.55e7d5da120cb327

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He wanted to answer “No, I don’t want to,” but he stopped himself. He was afraid that answer might make the man laugh weakly again, make his voice hoarse, or fall silent, so he just nodded.b21097283b9063a8

The man brightened up. Pointing to different keys, he explained, “This one is A, this one is B, this one is C…” But he wasn’t listening. He was just watching the man’s expression, hoping the man’s expression didn’t get worse.51c4bccafa054516

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“This is W.” Eventually the man realized he wasn’t listening, letting out an awkward groan and scratched his forehead. Then, the man hurriedly typed something on the typewriter, as if he’d had a flash of inspiration. Then he pulled out the piece of paper and held it out..bd63022f405cc5e2

“See?”ac5f33c9d509da91

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The man pointed to 45514e6496 the black characters with 5e42704b73 his hand.d9c63a6a6c9f754b

🙂c139cc332a4d54b9

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😀4d6ee50ca6c52fa9

🙁566547e66b8f0586

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The man pointed to the first one ( 🙂 ). “This is a small smile,”32c2ce22e6a13414

The man pointed to the second one ( 😀 ). “This is a big smile,”1a5210771598c661

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The man pointed to the third one ( 🙁 ). “This is your expression right now.”f59b402e05a6a9cb

He looked at the characters, then at the man, then back at the characters. There was a resemblance between the characters and the man’s face. He picked up the typewriter. He began pressing all the keys on the keyboard, looking for ‘:’, ‘)’, ‘D’, and ‘(‘. If the man’s intention was to get him interested in typing, his action was indeed successful.8c11aef68699c4ea

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Leaving a promise to come back again, the man left. He also left behind the typewriter and three sheets of paper for him to keep while the man was gone. He didn’t forget to warn him not to break them, saying that if he threw, hit, or stepped on them, the man would scold him.454c33c401312a65

He typed on b7df85993e the typewriter all 6bf299f401 night until the 4cad372ef4 three sheets of f47ff1b956 paper were filled a5653e026b with characters. Even after 1c950188f3 he finished 8a56a4c8dd typing, the 96a4c5f19e sound ofding, ding, tackechoed in his 6b5b8fa8fd ears.ddecc4f7ca300f5c

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When the man returned, 1b8e3119e7 he handed over the d5ff4a4647 three sheets of paper. A look c5f8f04576 of satisfaction 4844896248 was evident c00eb0bdba all over eee6fd975f his face.0e308d5221af3c9d

The first page 869491df94 was like this:5f1f0597d7492813

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa26cbb7a7d4b1ac7d

aaaaaadfwefweurhwiufnvbccbf7474348a52b99a

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pqoerlv:,cfeof.k,.efwfw…wrw59dfdc03c248d201

sdvfbsfjqoierjwofqwdqjnvvz3799d76dbc940ffe

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The second page was b78bf25ef1 like this:4ffcd36860d22622

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D6a69b8db4ef29598

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Dcf3c3dbad39b3315

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D09ae42ea0b0ff5b4

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Dcdfd6cca3d64e18d

The third 095048eb8c page was 5a79f24cae like this:b16ee0af0a0f924b

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O:)1784d7d6e8a07423

“What’s this?”12cb7cf44079f3ee

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The man, looking at the third page, tilted his head. “Is it an angel? This is a smiling face with a halo above the head?”672eeb5c329eb610

He shook his head. He explained each part the man had pointed to. “This is a smiling face.”d5a90697989ec656

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The finger that had been explaining ‘:)’ moved to ‘O’. “This is a hat.”f345db1de4fb8a6c

“A hat? Why a ha…”5aab67f23390685b

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The man, 31129f592e who had d9c9659d07 been asking b5b48627cd as if b866e825bf it were 0be1c3f16b strange, suddenly 601ddbe98e stopped. Pointing to 2d2988ad0e the uniform 0becf683ab hat given 76e992bbb0 to all 55429fe8b6 prison guards 0789327984 he was 551352d499 wearing, he 3a06759d0f asked,d32e1cd1a8e27101

“This one?”9135eff0c114ffe7

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He nodded. The man was 94240d51af about to say c2858425f3 something but closed 4110212844 his mouth. He just rubbed his 5580ec8b18 forehead aimlessly as if cac84677c7 cleaning his face.f63f916326fe3574

O:) was the man. That’s how the man looked to him.1a1909280ceb3766

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***35a39a679fdb6ab0

“This is my name.”f3adedf2fee7e868

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The man held out a piece of paper. The man’s name, written in ink, hadn’t completely dried.186498807f04947c

He made a sad face. There was no way he could recognize the man’s name when all he knew how to read and write were :), :D, :(, and O:). As he fidgeted uncomfortably, the man pretended to be distracted and let slip,33aa8e58950f3a12

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“If you learned to read, you’d be able to know what it says…”e259bfeb6fecaa8f

If I learn how to read, I’ll know what the man’s name is?His eyes lit up. The man a435e23043 glanced at e08233813f him from 8c9408e2c4 the corner 2232e575e0 of his 49201df77b eye and f9b81818a7 let slip 670e69068b again,95cf0cc75feae7df

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“If you asked me to teach you, I might do it…”e582a3de98be82eb

Of course, the man 9fc7ff559c would do it whether e8cd23b795 he asked or not. The man probably 1f4111d3ad knew that too.afd43bb680a145e3

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The man boldly pulled out a sheet of paper and two pens, using the bundle as a mat. He wrote something big on the paper. As he would learn later, what the man had written was the phrase ‘Alphabet Learning Time’.a7c3f7d113a71fdc

“What’s your name?”cc84420943dbe953

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The man suddenly asked. He just blinked 8914535738 silently.My name? Seeing his lack of reaction, the man put the pen down and asked, “Don’t you have a name?”2b63f1e46ca290d4

But he didn’t. He was sometimes called “you” or “hey” or even “crazy bastard,” but mostly he was just called “dog.” He answered, “Dog.”72a7eeeff691de36

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“Not that, your real name.”6d2d9329458373f8

The man was firm. He thought about it, saying “you” or “hey” or “crazy bastard,” but those were rejected as well. It was a little while later that the man had noticed he didn’t have a name.416bc684253a44a1

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“If you don’t have one, we can make one up. What do you want to be called?”3ba7bc4168a25796

The man was 54c56c1305 calm about it. Maybe he was just 679da2a360 pretending to be calm. Thinking that c751141c95 the name ce3df769e3 should be 4b6e138d59 a familiar ea6c1c70e5 word, or 822b8de5dc else he 4f0ee176fd might get 57871a832a startled every b8b3f25736 time he a51f78b119 heard it, b31cbe319c he came f41d264d07 up with 5421bef2d8 his own f9628f6e91 name.483e25fdfbb47a16

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“Poker.”eac2293b63d425e0

The man immediately refused. “No.”d895e9b7e22073dc

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“Knife.”bfdd22e154ef0e34

“No.”735090c75269c5ed

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“Baton.”7b57b5b4214beb16

“No.”8defdf7b0be49e33

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Are poker, 6ca7f037d6 knife, and 8cd0c316cf baton rejected 51e0f4808f because they’re 79ee9b3eab things that 0b874fafdd hurt? He pondered and suggested something that didn’t hurt him.faa6533f97df5673

“The man.”0ca44fadc35328b6

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“No.”1811c5823a6a9e2e

Every name he 6d3cd874f0 proposed was rejected.d22344c9be3497ff

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“At this rate, it’ll take a hundred years to decide on a name.”1b1f5f343279b830

The man said this when he had suggested names like “floor,” “ceiling,” and “incandescent light bulb” in succession. The man handed him a pen. He took it somewhat absentmindedly.7a43ce7a20c93ceb

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“Let’s just call you Lewellyn for now.”4f698dc6918ac201

The man started writing something. Slowly, black letters were etched onto the paper. L…facd2e5738b9fc25

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“It’s a good name.”b66e259187f06757

e…, w…d51a49821dca0d8e

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“It’s one of the most common names given to people around your age.”52100ade2f056578

e…, l…, l…, y…3c7bd4ad1130e636

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“It’s a name that everyone in this country loves.”5087987de79e1cee

…n.7f159f830d9b15b2

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“There, done.”b81f8834889ccecd

He put down 0cd80fb858 the pen and a7a4e475f7 looked at him 3b3cee8bab with a smile.12f615ffc78559e3

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“Do you like it?”4be00d17c1cbd55c

Lewellyn liked it 06b5fffcc5 very, very, very, d5fb00f8ac very, very much.74266c7e5e56e315

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6f733ac0275990b9