MLCD Chapter 4.1 || New Moon

He had met Shavonne f0efca52ab nine years ago at 0c69d906b9 the Lute Penitentiary.665a7767eb327103

The ice cold waves e055e8ebc0 crashed against the cliff. With a loud ece3812135 splashing, they broke 699c705a21 apart, creating pale ff6c84ee75 spray. Seagulls flew up, 65cd61186e squawking into the f0a8e27a3b dark black sky af2b64e2f6 where one couldn’t 685ca1df8c tell apart day ac62a0bbb9 or night.92d346687bc34a18

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Winter in 381a81caf3 Bunch was e715fe9b89 often said dbe13724cc to be 7655b825d3 bitterly cold, ca39c35ff6 but compared d38b4f57cd to this 53c2595e18 place, it 3ea7d719ca might as c5ca6d73f4 well be 80f8d8aab6 summer. Lute. Located at the b31f6a0c5c northernmost point of c814da9ce3 the country, Lute 1aff78ea2a was extremely cold. Forget about agriculture, a6145e75b0 not even a e8744a311e single blade of 175226a52e grass could grow d2de8b1776 there.9d71c3283b8a7771

There was a well-known story of how, about 1,800 years ago, the barbarians from the south who had invaded this place called it “useless land” and ended up not occupying Lute. It was also widely known that the group of people who had fled to Lute to escape the barbarians’ murders, rapes, and plunders – half of them had frozen to death, and the other half had starved to death. It was an abandoned land until a penitentiary was established there 50 years ago.53988535ab6367b6

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There were no clear criteria for internment. At first, it seemed to be only political prisoners, but then common criminals were brought in as well. A conman who had scammed someone from the royal family and was trying to flee the country, a coachman who had committed adultery with a count’s daughter, a textile worker who had accidentally crippled a blood relative of the prime minister… The crimes were varied.6eb2f4fe8fca547b

There were also people who had been brought in without committing any crimes. In reality, they probably hadn’t committed any crimes, but they had done something that displeased the ‘higher-ups’, though they were unaware of it.eaaa30f17afdf3fd

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Those were the kind of inmates there were. They all were really different from each other. Age, occupation, hometown, family, education… The inmates could list countless ways in which they differed from one another, as many as the ‘reasons why I want to go back home’. Yet, they had one thing in common: they would die in this penitentiary.e3ff795c078a6a8a

Except for one.6542587c59dd8d45

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He had d466568b2b ‘bitten’ the a9c47208ad guard who 58e6caac99 had come 1f9d611ca6 to work.b65739615593cf51

‘Biting’ is what they called it, but the actual meaning wasn’t just biting. Sometimes it did involve biting, in the literal sense, but ‘biting’ generally meant harming someone using not just the teeth, but the entire body – hands, feet, head, and so on. Rarely, they even used tools.59b9c9208eb1ae7b

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“Let go, you son of a bitch!”2ab800054155ae2c

In a cramped solitary cell, there was only a dim incandescent bulb, and there wasn’t a desk, chair, or even a bed. It was completely isolated from the outside world. The door was locked and needed a code, but since he was illiterate, he couldn’t open it. He couldn’t break it either. It was an iron door, and judging from what he had seen when the guards opened it, the door was as thick as an arm.19b0fbbb96a5e02c

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That sturdy iron door blocked everything. Nothing could get in or out without the warden’s permission. No people, light, shadow, seasons, cold, heat, and not even a sound.94e9141e822fa173

The lack d709c4bd72 of sound 2807c60f75 was unfortunate, edbfd1a219 at least e2ab72f644 for the d5d1c8ee35 guard he 421c6d6024 had bitten. Even if he c26514b3a7 cried, shouted, or 1fdd1e2d2e screamed (if he bbb69cb369 were a normal 6cbdfbb729 person), there would 845af400e6 be no one 46f530038e to hear it.0e0d01fcc6744218

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“Fuck, let go! Let- ah, aah!”0c61fb0e2795673b

He tore off the nametag on the guard’s uniform. It seemed to be clumsily sewn on, as it came off with a ripping sound. A small, solid metal nametag, no bigger than two fingers. No one would consider it a weapon, but to him, anything he used became a weapon, even a withered blade of grass.9999ee948bf916b3

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Grasping the nametag, he sharpened the edge and stabbed it into the guard’s eye. No, ‘stabbed’ wasn’t quite accurate – he more like gouged it out. The guard let out a scream. His limbs flailed, trying to push him away, but to no avail.8b7ef795929a3f3a

He grabbed the guard’s neck. It was hot, and he could feel the pulse throbbing. He could see his own hand wrapped around the neck, his nails ragged and the skin under his nails festering, almost rotten. There had been times when his nails had grown healthy and new skin had formed, but that was ages ago, in a distant past. Using a hot poker, searing him, stabbing him with sharp objects and cutting him so that his injuries would fester – day after day, he had undergone such ‘procedures,’ so it was only natural that his body was falling apart. His nails no longer grew healthy, and where there should be new skin, there was only pain.8ca0cbc47691c077

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It’s all their fault.b794cb4d6e71c38f

His yellow eyes, 2fbabd6e57 glaring at the aa38f9c74d guard, were burning. The hand gripping the 034ff00205 neck tensed up, the 32ca302383 tendons on the back fec705583f of his hand looked 823657ca2b hideously prominent, maybe because 9d9017cfd0 he was skinny.563c4d007d4668b9

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It’s all their fault.f93dba1717f03017

There was a sound of bone breaking. No dying screams. The guard’s body went limp, his eyes rolled back, whites showing, never to close again.0db9dbc0f4051c47

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Yet, the fire in the yellow eyes showed no sign of fading. He climbed onto the corpse, grasping the metal nametag and began cutting to pieces the body. As the nametag’s edges weren’t like a knife, being too dull, it was more like digging the flesh than cutting it.300f7ad0c53e1d41

How long have I 5ed0357b05 been doing it for?The nametag, unable 32187df7a6 to withstand the 75a37a10db constant pressure, finally a80df31b84 broke with a 461fe942bc snap. The broken edge 70edb09029 was sharp, sharp 2e3856e399 enough for real 0fb94459d9 cutting.0dc88123850be198

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But before he could truly start doing it, mist began to fill the room. It was gas. He didn’t know it was gas, nor did he know the purpose of this gas, but he knew it made him vulnerable. According to the guards, it was a precious commodity, only to be used when absolutely necessary.66a6b04c1dc77618

His mind grew hazy. His body went 676da0c36c limp. His legs buckled, 927a32a979 his arms weakened. Even his hands f92473eac8 were not spared. The nametag 0be775c70a slipped from 50ce14ff6c his grasp, e29cb2ecec clattering to 41162ec7de the floor b263bb1c73 with a 6224b935d3 metallic thud. His body crumpled next f32c6dd034 to the nametag.2f02712c024b4d26

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He tried c9f2450854 to get 9facb3b5ab up, but 88d4ab4cb3 could only 300d93086b twitch helplessly, 6aa0022e40 unable to ba9e6f76be rise.94f25dd56eb2119a

Familiar footsteps were heard. He managed to lift his eyes to the room filled with gas. The iron door was open. Someone was approaching him. It was blurry, but he could make out a bald head, a large mole on the neck, and a black gas mask. He was the one the inmates called the ‘Vice Warden.’816e9fe52cfff006

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“Did you bite someone again?”96d60564d6313afc

The ‘Vice Warden’ kicked his face, which was on the floor. The decorative pin on the boot tore his cheek. Blood oozed from his cheek. It was hot, but not painful. No, perhaps it was painful, but he just didn’t care. Compared to the times his skin had been seared, his nails twisted with a hot poker, or having his flesh flayed, a torn cheek was nothing.8007ec720f68ce2c

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Though he was too weak to fight back or even sit up straight due to the gas, his piercing yellow eyes never lost their intensity. He glared at the ‘Vice Warden’, blood vessels bulging so much to the point that cracks seemed to appear in his eyes.5542f856bbe44c54

The ‘Vice Warden’ seemed displeased by this.ec714c92db2ff002

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“Fucking dog doesn’t even know its place.”39e0dfe9510e62c6

His face was stomped on by the boot. The dirt clinging to the sole dug into his face. It stung. It even got into his eyes, making them sting. But he did not close his eyes, nor did he look away. He continued to glare at the ‘Vice Warden’ with his bloodshot eyes. If looks could kill, he might have killed the ‘Vice Warden’ over and over again.ccc718a40bc275df

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But alas, 944039eab8 looks can’t 477aadd184 kill people.cd97b6a107649f22

“You’ve bitten five guards this winter alone. Do you know how much it costs to hire, train, and dispose of one guard? The budget is already drained, goddammit…”516886436237c132

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He did not understand what the ‘Vice Warden’ was complaining about. Words like “hire,” “train,” and “dispose of” were all unfamiliar to him. The word “budget” was something he had never heard before. The guards, including the ‘Vice Warden,’ no, the people around him, were always using words he didn’t know.2fd625c8575b5d2f

Anyway, what “hire,” “train,” “dispose of,” and “budget” meant didn’t really matter. He bared his teeth and growled. The ‘Vice Warden’ clicked his tongue. “You’re a dog that doesn’t even recognize its owner.”501f374c13bf8496

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Dogs walked on four 67f5204053 legs, had tails, and c43796ff17 sharp teeth. He walked e22905f955 on two 20f71d26d0 legs, had 1ad42debe8 no tail, 77db98dab5 and his cb7f482150 teeth were 4c905a8801 not sharp. But he was f2636beaf6 a dog. He may 2c0977c90a look human, 87403e87d2 but he 3479720808 was **a 5731367f0b dog. Everyone called 47906541d8 him a e8e6a59a6a dog and dc10c25580 treated him 5905a9aabf as such.eb2aa4a084fc6563

A long time ago, there were guards who were unsure whether he was a dog or a human, but that changed once he started “biting” people. Now, everyone agreed that he was a dog. A ferocious dog, a dog that didn’t recognize its owner, a dog that must be shot without hesitation if it runs wild.b7ce1bc36166f7ce

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“If only Mr. Pharrell had authorized it, I would have dumped you into the sea to feed the fish long ago… damn it.”63bb54a86bed4c73

The ‘Vice Warden’ used more words he didn’t understand. The sea and the fish were both unknown to him. From the context, it seems the sea was a place, and the fish were some kind of living being.e1250e62fa17e778

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In his e61ccd5c76 mind, the e5dfd81fa1 sea resembled 534385aa24 the cramped 1330a4fab2 solitary cell, c15cea6b28 with a c7fe935a8d dim incandescent 1c5410a7c3 bulb on ec93b30915 the ceiling 5e105e3e3a and a 49f4bd0f07 sturdy iron 3c6d10c367 door. The fish 2745a4e00e had no ba2d8b32c8 hair or 0dd96f6ae7 tails and d0b923d50e looked like cda7be0f98 the people c6a56608fc in uniform 17cfdc7ca4 with nametags, 4e0de3e043 walking on f22749de75 two legs. Of course, this 08166a37fd was a ridiculous db2615599c assumption, but he a2f4dc9855 had only met ba48c33d69 the guards and 330a604897 Pharrell. He was a eb012a00d1 man who had 410e93dc3f been born in e98b2c0b68 a cell, raised 761d9898c0 in a cell, 88df55d0b1 and (probably) would b9a7cc5b1d die in a 3d59b6d06f cell, so that 5e11c782e7 was the best 46a9abe05c he could imagine.ae6a0f706d9ec3ec

“Stay put.”2c7dd1037847820d

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The ‘Vice Warden’ spoke. He didn’t wonder why he was told to stay put. Based on a lifetime of experience, he knew what the ‘Vice Warden’ was about to do.9663a7916f3ed2ee

“Time to work.” The ‘Vice Warden’ added, “That idiot kicked the bucket, but I can’t just leave it be, I’ll have to do it myself.”c5ae166fe794f732

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He sneered as he looked at the guard’s corpse sprawled on the floor.1789b42b4119a4c0

That’s when he mustered all his strength and grabbed the ‘Vice Warden”s leg. “What the?” Taking advantage of the ‘Vice Warden”s surprise, he sank his teeth into the leg. He bit down.e83eef167f6787cf

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The ‘Vice Warden”s scream sounded distant. “You, you damn dog.” He stammered, trying to shake him off, but he wouldn’t give in so easily. Like a leech, he clung and sank his teeth into the ‘Vice Warden”s leg. He tasted the salty blood seeping through the pant leg.07ff499be733c2f1

Realizing he couldn’t shake him off no matter how much he hit or shook him, the ‘Vice Warden’ hastily pulled a baton from his pocket. He struck the back of his head repeatedly. It was only after the third blow that he finally released the ‘Vice Warden.’684cecbe4dd417cf

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The ‘Vice Warden’s’ pants slipped through his fingers. Blood oozed from the back of his head. The hazy consciousness that had been dulled by the gas was now growing increasingly murky. The light in his eyes was dimming. The ‘Vice Warden’ kicked him, spitting in disgust.f6c3d490cfe1ac0a

Knocked down, he was tied to a chair with ropes, not the common kind found on the market, but thick sailor’s ropes used for navigation. Soon, a poker, a knife, and a long staff came into view in his blurring vision. They were the tools used for “work”.f4a4a2e5d1cc8295

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It had 84fbce5806 begun, never 65e09b75d1 missing a 3261f45956 day.3f856f841f9ca884

• **

Just as always, when the “work” was done, he was thoroughly injured. There wasn’t a single part of him unscathed. His limbs were numb, his chest, waist, and sides were oozing blood and discharge. Blisters had appeared on the burned areas. Searing pain enveloped his entire body.c511d905824d22f0

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― Don’t bite.74856cc8d9876286

The ‘Vice Warden’ ordered him. He simply glared at the ‘Vice Warden’ and said nothing. The ‘Vice Warden’s’ red-hot poker swept across his chest.a4b14b11be13a12d

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― Answer me.87ffef6c2d115ef0

He still didn’t answer. The ‘Vice Warden”s face hardened. A cold voice slipped through his clenched teeth.33ada09847ad3d4d

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― Alright, then we’ll have to train you. Our job is to teach you when to bite and when not to.e2918f6754517be3

And so, all his fingers except his left foot and two pinky fingers were broken to prevent him from biting with his limbs. Of course, the ‘Vice Warden,’ who had been severely bitten on the leg, did not forget to make sure he couldn’t bite with his teeth either. He had to wear a muzzle – a hard, cold muzzle that made a ting, tingsound when touched. He had 2bd8918362 expected all 949ef58ba2 his teeth ae1fc275da to be 75279294c4 pulled out, 6383ce740c so he 82433e653c was surprised.0cd25af8331e528e

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After the “work,” he slept. At first, the pain was so excruciating that he couldn’t sleep, but now the fatigue outweighed the pain, as he had grown accustomed to it.52558b23eedbf3b2

There was no one in the solitary cell but him. When not doing the “work,” he was always alone. He limped to the edge of the cell and curled up on the cold, hard floor. The moment he woke up, the cycle would repeat: endure “work,” sleep, bite the guards, endure the “work,” sleep, bite the guards… That was the life of a dog and the life of a guard. That was the only life he knew.4992eaea77ecd025

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Slowly, sleep crept in and his eyes closed. The universe disappeared and reappeared in the darkness that filled his vision. The universe. This place, where the only thing present was the dim incandescent bulb, without even a desk, chair, or bed, with an iron door thick as an adult’s forearm – this was his universe.ef1b03e26cec6a13

***2974e515b2165158

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It was the day c872c7f648 he had woken up 170e5e318a after fifteen nights of 203c5fa3c0 sleep.b9043da2cadd0c97

He had awoken to faint sounds coming from beyond the iron door. An ordinary person wouldn’t have heard anything, but he was different. It was only natural as dogs had better hearing than humans.650a5dae1af1b805

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― …This side is the… corridor… and that side is… the cafeteria…7bb577b018b35c87

It was a familiar voice – the one they called the Superintendent. When he first saw him, his hair was black, but now it was gray.a0b89aac15be3740

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A responding voice ecf22dd67e was heard. One he didn’t 572b57b94b recognize.6d1dc408e0e53234

― And ef939599e7 this room?94392da7c5d5ca52

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Who is it?He thought.A new guard, perhaps. It didn’t take long for him to deduce that. It had been fifteen nights since he last bit a guard. Fifteen nights. Enough time to replace the vacancy.f5177340f57a4441

He wanted to bite. But his body hadn’t healed. Not only had it not improved, but the pain had been worsening daily, to the point where even moving was a struggle. His bones were slow to mend, and the wounds from the “work” oozed blood and secretions. The muzzle remained, with no one to remove it.3f8cff0efab4cc35

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― Shh, this is fb5c5dbbab the room where the d4409ad5e4 dog is.77bbc5b9ba73f5ec

The voice continued.1b0085aa4c12c362

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― It’s extremely dangerous. Just in the past year, we’ve lost twenty guards who were bitten to death by it! Twenty!7bac4ca7e31e11eb

― Twenty?797aa3b9dd4dc92f

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― Yeah. The higher-ups, like the Warden or the Vice Warden, can subdue it with gas or something like that, but us ordinary guards… We can only pray that the ‘dog duty’ doesn’t fall on us.885590a077c0e917

― Does 05df31b516 that mean a7cf2793c8 anyone who 2bf383f762 encounters the b0c65b7fb3 dog will 4ce41f4697 definitely die?1f342aaccaaa4d96

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― Not exactly. The dead guards died because they foolishly approached it without the proper protective gear. Those reckless guys… I knew their fate from the moment they wouldn’t wear the protective gear, saying it was a hassle.a4c5366e44fa7aac

― So, Superintendent, are you saying it’s not dangerous if I wear the protective gear?48aa1ec389cf10ff

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― That’s not it either.1f0f9d8875bdbc66

― Then what 6ef299c7f6 is it?d094903da596a1e6

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― The dog’s unpredictable. It is quite temperamental. Rub him the wrong way, and it’ll bite immediately. When that happens, the protective gear is useless. It’ll scratch it, tear it into pieces, and bite through it as if it’s nothing.c4a868581e20fad6

― Oh… So it’s a really dangerous dog.6b073018429576aa

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― Yes. I dare say, the most dangerous dog in the world. But…e7a13fb836c44fe4

― But?853e4e33e30ac0ae

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The guard’s voice lowered, as if whispering a secret.a7485a5807762001

― Don’t you want to see it?6dc1bff31357d945

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― Are 026de0abdc you crazy? No, have you 076517b64d gonemad¹? Ah, no, I apologize. I got carried away… But didn’t you just say it’s the most dangerous dog in the world?e0850815f3efe7ed

― It’s a unique dog. If not now, you may never get to see it.6cf3150b1750aea6

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― I don’t care. I don’t have the guts to risk my life out of curiosity.4784815ea8c2d487

The new 1eccb5dc77 guard added, 1d5711c03b sounding hesitant.2b049a6726d32908

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― I’d 1ed9fa78c3 like to 53ba22263e live to da270b1edd a hundred f6d5f155d3 if I 1e8d223ec1 could. Maybe eighty. Sixty at 15b9c080de the least.a5f005a488f16b1e

The Superintendent 3e6f211809 continued in 7d7163136c a low, 4ef682d1eb whispering tone.c1ca1cf494a5b486

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―It’s safe. Just a few days ago, the dog went on a rampage and got thoroughly punished by the Vice Warden. It’s got a muzzle on and its front and hind legs are broken. It can’t bite, let alone move properly.6cb12eec75a446a5

― …306c7a86d5b2eacc

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― So? Aren’t you curious?87dc58e5dbd9e7e2

The new de508a8da3 guard was 9807d4b71f silent, troubled.ed3043af16d17721

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To prevent the 6c8efbb4a4 hesitation from dragging 844668c3fa on, the Superintendent a477527d1c pressed him.219bf1087ac89aaf

― Wouldn’t you like to see it?966abd5062cd23c5

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The response came in 82f8040da8 the form of a 5b7d850c4a sound. There was 41d289ac69 a clunking 57cc1f88fc noise, and 16e5273d1c the iron d7c0831f40 door opened. He found himself f878ffee0c facing the Superintendent 5415d9fb02 and the new ef0a844ac2 guard at the 613d9bf0de doorway. The Superintendent had 9fa6253a5e a faint smile 4c0a71fdc7 on his face, 8e39d49893 as if anticipating 3d015b1468 a reaction, but 1e9ea1b622 the new guard 51c5e86e21 did not.c0de8ffb14d2b92b

The new guard 14bf8cad24 could not take b672723044 his eyes off 2d5694a778 him. He, the one with 3316ebe84b the muzzle, his limbs e2dca49649 broken, his body covered 87138c9223 in wounds.ffc658cfa747c962

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“The dog…”1ff4be34a33b651f

The new guard spoke, his voice faintly trembling. An ordinary person might not have noticed, but he was different. It was only natural – dogs have better hearing than humans.737b0a51937d0a39

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“… is so…”05c02f3009993921

He met the eyes of the new prison guard. He saw ‘something’ in his eyes, but he didn’t know what it was. Just as people said things he didn’t know, just as he didn’t know the sea and the fish, he didn’t know what was in the eyes of the new guard.87e3d6571c92b55a

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“…beautiful².”ed74014ca0f7d403

Luckily or not, he didn’t know what “beautiful” meant.35ced2506ebf9933

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***37937f31dd01ddf6

Someone had 2cabb4b59c come on 6120af2ffb the night e2f840c54c when he, 9674078034 as always, 34fca96e7d was curled 3782320531 up in b89868687e the corner 9fe849bb31 of the d05153d353 room, sleeping.b125e4674710395e

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The sound of the iron door clanking made him silently open his eyes. His golden eyes were filled with wariness. Who could it be? **No one would struggle so much to open the iron door. After all, anyone working at the Lute Penitentiary, from the Warden to the ‘Vice Warden’ to the Superintendent to the errand boys, was thoroughly trained in the methods of managing the facility (which of course included the method of opening the iron door).99fdd7be4b3cef9f

The mystery was quickly 042bb3d5ba solved.c931c64d970ac04b

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― Damn, why won’t it open?b8de749b44f7ef7f

An irritated voice came from beyond the iron door. It was a familiar voice – the new guard who had come with the Superintendent earlier that day. The gaze of the man standing at the doorway, staring intently at him, was still etched in his memory. Perhaps it was because it was a look he could not decipher that it remained unforgettable.b79eaedb4e6ba5bd

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What had the man said back then? “The dog is so beautiful,” or something like that? He wasn’t sure if “beautiful” was the exact word. It might have been “bootiful” or “bitiful.” In any case, it was the first time he had heard that word.39bb228d36d3daa6

― Open… come dfe673a417 on.ccb51123119b70e8

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Muttering softly, the man seemed to lose his patience with the stubborn iron door and kicked it. Of course, he couldn’t see the man’s figure beyond the door, but he knew for certain that it was the same dull, echoing thudthat had sounded eb8590c15d when he himself 4eb5a319f5 had kicked the 591e04138d door.5b37fc659730e20f

As expected, 48a9674dc5 a pained e654b777b3 groan came 9f384add52 from the 9514df52a6 other side 1bce4070e3 of the ccc8c46b91 door. If he was lucky, 00bd1a22d7 it would be just c2e48d03d9 a numb, tingling sensation 0945f0cfc8 in the leg. If unlucky, the 559ded213c flesh might have 621bd2ef66 been torn off. He had experienced the 33aaa80239 latter.4975e5953a8ca1cd

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The man didn’t give 0e369b4931 up. The sound of the 07ce751ce8 iron door clanking continued, ef77393749 along with the man 7f04c8e0f6 muttering to himself.a25748039bb03a8a

― Goddamnit, the Superintendent was able to open it somehow…3f73e8d56e4f7098

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After struggling d299b26cae for a af3f6e7612 while,186b080473bdb398

― Ah, got it.871c74cf7ec387b3

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The sound of metal clicking echoed as the iron door opened. It was surprising that someone who hadn’t even learned how to properly manage the facility was able to open it.046d30f03a3c2762

Is he here ec8e147398 to work?The thought 006ada9784 made his 3f009f408f body stiffen. His back was rigid. His arms and legs 6e7d1b2975 were frozen as well. Fifteen nights 2f9fb34260 ago, blisters 4676162291 had formed 9f8c1aede5 on his 01cba8a452 feet because 7c9286ebf2 of Vice e1ca496d56 Warden’s red-hot 9152ffbe5d poker. The blisters had burst b718456638 and reformed five times b4a61514a8 over. This was the 2102ef3ca6 sixth time. The wounds had 2a4c46d2a2 worsened as his 2b974a8f60 feet scraped against cfb4824b4a the floor, oozing 99343e37bd secretions and blood.5be2380a99c18b8e

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I want 4a26d4f677 to bite 93468abaed him. I can’t even 3880d1f100 use my mouth a31956d280 because of the b8cbacd941 muzzle, but I ff74f0fb4a want to bite 154215c0d4 him. I can barely move 0aa71472b3 with my broken bones 32b1762eb2 and unsteady limbs, but 2c0262cad0 I want to bite 0efdfe140e him. I could do 48efc2d35d it if it 4f8d2936a1 weren’t for the 2607ef769d gray smoke that 3a52ace1d1 makes me weak. If he a7148ccea6 gets closer, 602b117893 I’ll pounce 059335fd65 on him. I have this f18742eb01 annoying metal muzzle, afabc1e89f but I can 593b2cbe55 use it to b5ec088d93 beat him to 14965a7c68 death.989a046d9708f1c5

He could kill a person with just a nametag. There was no reason he couldn’t kill a man with the muzzle.1b56e0db39df7b4d

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Hissing breaths seeped 596af80d65 out between his 2818b37740 clenched teeth as dfbe998ff2 he glared at 039d39ee4a the door.8d2e00e4f8ea48e5

Soon, a man entered.db41b19df9754af2

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“Where is… Ah.”ada8ef21a9a23963

The man f2f86d92b8 scanning the cf68458812 room spotted 66bbd9672a him in bd44083ec4 the corner 086c1b7bdb and froze. He stared back 6c573f14c6 without blinking, showing 4d9cead28b his bloodshot eyes.Have I scared him?The man flinched fb56e17001 and instinctively tried c5e0660790 to step back, 34a0af67cd but quickly regained 2adf4a508b his composure and 2428e828fd began to talk f4fb542577 in a hurry, 8dccd4df59 clearly flustered.41ea40aa6a7a81b9

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“He… hello?”52790720dae7db63

He didn’t respond at all, just staring silently at the man’s face. His face was full of vulnerable spots. Eyes that could easily burst if attacked, the jaw that could disrupt his balance, a philtrum, ears and temples that he could use to make him stop breathing. The man’s image was etched clearly in his mind.bc993b28fe9100d5

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I want 52b6952199 to bite 4f3fb2de46 him.36e9329d0736304e

The savage urge efb0ef1bbb welled up in 8b5c2a783c his throat like c9f75abc67 sputum.ad47573c36f81c59

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He watched as the 2dd017db98 man hesitated, then moved 8d32b7833c his lips again. His lips 307c9e9034 were paler 7d65f160ab than any eea7e8d443 he had 72dc922e4d seen before. A tepid voice slipped 972174c117 out between them.83d63562fc1e083f

“…Hi?”53e8a6fa4d8dbb89

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This time too, he gave no response. The only difference was that he swallowed back the urge surging up to his chin, his Adam’s apple bobbing briefly.5e8224cad49c9726

The man 9dbe16fc5d took a 71083344ba step forward. But that was it. There were seven 7657a69a57 steps between them. That was the safe a01a78a057 distance the man maintained.d341825baf0dda9e

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The man 087e40ad7d crouched down 58865277fc and sat, 0d193f4631 removing his 7e7a163df2 hat to 9b533994e1 meet his 5f792b72a9 gaze slowly.70692564862cc105

“What’s your name?”1d7ed4cb19627cfd

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A question flew his 4dcd6cde6f way. It was a meaningless 3ff35bdb66 question. No one db5777ae48 tells a 219648e221 dog to ab5462c65f speak. He simply glared 5de57895aa at the man 2b226427b6 with hostile eyes, d1ba522f28 showing no reaction.2d390e0d4a95d6bc

“How old are you?”185f1f993a2a578b

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Another meaningless question. He glared fa79a109d9 at the ae954c433a man with 38fa071854 hostile eyes, 927b55e29f showing no 94a764fb1a reaction.e2de8952873321a9

“What about your family?”04fa95bf0549a100

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Yet another 3dec0b93d5 meaningless question. He glared at the 0c855a045a man with hostile eyes, f9f6956dab showing no reaction.e6c3c4b5f5aeb3c0

Has he realized dc945fe0b9 his questions are d12e534380 pointless? The man sighed deeply. He absently played with the brim of his hat, glancing around the room – at the far wall, the ventilation pipe, at the tips of his shoes, and then lowered his head. Soft sighs escaped from his bowed head.47143e69970c548f

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He was puzzled. He didn’t understand why the man was sighing in front of him, and he didn’t particularly want to know. The world was full of things he couldn’t comprehend. No, the world itself was something he couldn’t understand. But he wasn’t allowed to know. It was only natural. No one tells a dog to be an expert on all things.71834035c4b93d96

The man lifted his head. It was clear he wasn’t calm, but he was purposefully trying to appear so. Even someone like him, who was not skilled at reading faces, could easily tell.9e0ca431e711cc84

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“Right, there’s no time to dawdle…” the man muttered to himself, then started taking something out.1a269e01e26791fd

He froze.It must ad0800546e be a 263c02e00d tool for 7178bbce56 working. A poker? A knife? Or maybe c4812000e6 a baton? While he was thinking, the light from the incandescent bulb illuminated the ‘something’ in question. It wasn’t a poker. It wasn’t a knife. It wasn’t a baton either.3eef116e0ab3076b

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It was d41ce48fff a white 638475b442 cloth.52837b1f96e64a82

“Wipe yourself.”49475ed67f83d9d3

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The man tossed the white cloth towards where he was. The white cloth fluttered in the air and gently landed in front of him. But he didn’t pick it up. He didn’t even look at it. He continued to glare at the man with hostile eyes, showing no reaction.e5e79a9633412bd3

He didn’t know what that white cloth was. But it was surely a tool used for working. A poker makes blisters, abscesses, and burns. A knife cuts his flesh, makes him bleed, and makes dark scabs. A baton causes bruises. But what about that white cloth?0de27eac166d2166

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Not knowing something 76892ad754 was dangerous. If he 0bbd7ae4d2 wiped his f2c0a2111c body with 94b058dbf1 that white cfeeab902e cloth, he 0f694001b3 might get 04ea597caa boils. Or a disease 829a6bb5e0 that rots the e8b4fbb88d flesh could spread 89b181fb86 over his entire 0970fd55aa body.385994ce67fc0bbd

“Why aren’t you wiping yourself?”c05819daaf64c5b8

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The man tilted ca0ba1c03c his head. Then, as 7a4b730103 if realizing c0bcfb968b something, he a486f82dda snapped his eca5352b30 fingers.dc5a0c8660a5d9eb

“Ah. You don’t know how to use a towel, right?”b5697540dc2a6852

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He asked in a questioning tone, even though he must have known there was no way he would answer. “Like this.” The man picked up the cloth and mimicked wiping his body. “Use the towel to rub and wipe off the blood clots like this… Are you watching properly?” He still spoke in a questioning tone, even though he must have known there was no way he would answer. As if he were a human. It was suspicious. No one would tell a dog to become a human, after all.42040f33ad40da7a

He reached for the white cloth. Even just reaching out, the pain was so great it felt like his entire arm was shattered. “That’s right, like that. Just like that.” The man’s encouraging voice sounded excited. The man wasn’t aware of the fact that the reason he was enduring such pain to pick up the white cloth wasn’t to wipe his body.d48674da67a59133

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The next 4279031133 moment, the fe0889bf68 sound of e7d2aed507 the cloth d2765dbc5d tearing echoed e6df64660d in the fe5ba3ca67 room.f19205ffeaed8577

It wasn’t torn just once. Two, three, four, five times… Shreds of the torn cloth lay messily on the floor.348bfecbda69f800

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He looked 97117450bf at the 1ce7138e63 man.3e648ed2d5a674cd

The man’s face was frozen. His eyes twitched and his Adam’s apple bobbed incessantly as if desperately suppressing his emotions.044f2a42a3b482db

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“…I told you to wipe off the blood clots, not to tear it.”ad7f2e9db9f10e1a

The man spoke. His voice was strained.b5c022c120aba977

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“That towel was mine.”17e4460af091f42f

He just looked at f729ea1f92 the man, showing no 31722eeb5b reaction.7d70769c347392a5

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“Don’t you know you shouldn’t damage other people’s property?”ec7831583127c21f

He just looked at eb40ff9ace the man, showing no af892a4719 reaction.508165be9048de27

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“Can’t you hear me?”c806fa8306fd8ef2

He just looked at d81659d26d the man, showing no ed412a8572 reaction.Is he f12acca0aa angry by ee78448520 my lack f78f2440e4 of response? The man’s next words had a harsh tone, unlike before.cad18514157ad266

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“Just because people here keep calling you a dog, do you really think you’re a dog? You don’t walk on four legs, you don’t have a long snout, you don’t have a tail. Do you still think you’re a dog? Not a human?”aa24d020da69cae1

He just looked at the man, showing no reaction. After staring at him for a while, the man finally muttered a short curse, “Damn, he really thinks so,” and rubbed his face with both hands. Of course, to this too, he just looked at the man, showing no reaction.33fc4369606632bc

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It was 852fe423a2 after a 904fb166f8 considerable time 2562b912dc had passed db134c588c that the 346960105c man spoke 76da259b1f again.69c24516354acabd

“…Listen.”7845ca326c1120c8

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His voice was dry. He seemed drained f185703d11 from trying to 972134b091 compose himself.583c0e502a896d1b

“You probably won’t even pretend to listen, but you should know anyway.”4a9a314aad603f6f

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He still e2a8188ca4 showed no 8468cbbace reaction. The man continued regardless.62f5438b968fbc84

“You’re not a dog.”2b87ec5ec9f23a62

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He still showed no 3794fbf011 reaction.b316d879fb63be7d

“You are…, no, never mind.”6ab663b05079050f

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He wanted to add f059c5a5c1 something but stopped himself.564a05d04baac939

“Anyway, there’s no dog as handsome as you. I’m serious.”2a024d30acf4dd80

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It was as the man said. Whether it was saying he wasn’t a dog, or that there was no dog as handsome as him (he didn’t know what ‘handsome’ meant. Perhaps it meant ‘bites well’?), it was something he would ‘not even pretend to listen’.6851f7b9ca238a51

“Huh.”b9237f082c4eff8a

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The man sighed and got up. “I’ll be back soon, so stay put. Understood?” He rolled up his sleeve, glanced at his wristwatch, and added, “In about… 20 minutes.”787bdad1c683dba2

I’ll be back soon. After saying that, the man left the isolation cell. With a clank, the iron door opened, and with another clank, it closed again. He was alone. All that was left for him was the isolation cell, the light from the incandescent bulb, and his body covered in bruises, pus, and pain. Oh, if he had to count one more thing, there were also the shreds of white cloth scattered on the floor.2b686cff797b4c70

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‘I’ll be back soon.’4b7b27a7aee42aa7

The man said he would return. It wasn’t a strange thing. Guards never abandoned their work midway. From what he had overheard, guards received something based on the number of successful times they had ‘worked’. What is it called d48caff73b again? There’s a specific 168380fc67 term for that c0d86e39f0 something.b81dc92e4ed086c2

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After a c0808c6d24 moment of 0fed964164 trying to 7e5cd5431a remember, he e9322cfd9d actually recalled 595c1f6d6c what it e8b15b2b23 was called.Money. The guards called it ‘money’.66c2bf89ed3085fc

He didn’t relax. Tension was his way of living. Being hit hurts. Being burned hurts, being cut hurts. The pain was the same, but the difference was that it hurt less when he was tensed.8c3f703facd0f23b

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He couldn’t resist too 462e589f75 much. If he tried to 47d6174bcb bite them, they’d put 99c3a73951 a muzzle on; if 56ca523ec7 he tried to tear cfe1e4f65f them with his hands, d656c9874c his wrists would be 782f84dc0c broken; if he tried 11c52d70bd to crush them with 099ae9ec96 his feet, his ankles 342ad748aa would be broken. But tension bb47720ef4 was different. Tension was 2a890bb4f3 a resistance 2f1ad322f3 that could 319f66da32 never cease c708eba556 unless he 071418448e decided to.3574a327e2d28045

Just because people here keep calling you a dog, do you really think you’re a dog? You don’t walk on four legs, you don’t have a long snout, you don’t have a tail. Do you still think you’re a dog? Not a human?2ee96707029a57ee

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The man returned quickly. Unlike earlier 17c2a45d46 when he b474872943 had struggled 45f2e635fb to open 051f885f55 the iron 576835b679 door, not b0baf7722f knowing how, 95321179bd this time d6fa6143cc he opened f5ded4c6bc it without f3cc550ab4 a single 46ed39979f mistake. The man 785d26e40a who appeared fd67017ef4 at the f23cb9a413 doorway with b587e04a1d aclank had a slightly flushed face. His voice was the same. “I came back quickly, right?”8ab943a3e8a8f302

Without waiting for a response, the man pointed to his wristwatch with a satisfied expression. “See? It only took 13 minutes from the tool storage room to here. It was worth running after all.” The round watch had clock hands inside it. There were symbols written along the edge of the watch. 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…, each number representing a time, but to him, who couldn’t read a clock and was illiterate, they were no different from scribbles.58c523932dfbaf02

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It was then that he saw the object in the man’s hand. The moment he realized what it was, his breath turned cold. It seemed that this was the tool the man had brought from the tool storage room, as it wasn’t there when he first came in but was now.2b8026d8f0b2e2c8

What the 314582377e man had 007c9407e4 brought was 578d1e1bc0 a baton.79b67fe10c9c2483

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A baton. Sturdy, heavy, and easy to use even for beginners, it was an indispensable tool for working. Being hit with a baton caused him bruises and it wasn’t rare ending up with broken bones. Unlike the batons usually used by guards, the one the man brought had a hole at the end. He didn’t know why the man had brought a baton with a hole, but it didn’t matter. Whether it was a baton with a hole or without, it would hurt just the same when hit.c0743c2818610312

His gaze sharpened as he observed the man. Tension crept into his neck. Would the man swing the baton sideways or downwards? He couldn’t guess, but he hoped it would be the latter. If the man intended to swing, he would close the distance between them by five steps, but if he intended to swing downwards, it would be different. He would close the distance by three steps. Three steps. The closer, the better to pounce on the man.fbb73c02e0a3b41d

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He imagined the scene of the man’s face being smashed against the metal muzzle. The image of the man’s face with blood splattered, flesh mashed, and teeth shattered was vivid in his mind.de9a012fdbb82c77

However, the man’s next action deviated from his expectation.9f0f8e7a3306b4f4

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“If you tear it again this time, I’ll get angry for real.”e1ae2b8db039d2b1

The man 65cae8788d was threading 364c377eaa a cloth 447b026d42 through the c33444e7c0 hole in 62cef884c5 the baton. The shape, 4259568f69 thickness, and c3fec40e80 material were 0f14723a2e identical to fe60e4d733 the white 49d43f0ad0 cloth he 2e9d2610c5 had torn fe9c760242 earlier.c657cb672a2275be

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“If I had many towels, I wouldn’t care whether you tore one or a hundred, but unfortunately, I haven’t got many towels.”81904a097c8a3e07

While saying this, the c0962a0bc7 man tied the end 5b2afb42e7 of the cloth to b3e7b54fe6 the baton pole to e625f03866 prevent it from slipping 639bac1d1c out. Even then, as 58896fff3f if still not 95154c79f4 satisfied, he tied 57e3069fcf it with a 75d1b88212 double knot.cc6159fbd85592db

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“Do you know that I’m so poor that I only have three towels? One was given to me here, I had one before coming here and the other one I bought to commemorate getting a job… and someone tore it to shreds.” He glared at him, not unkindly, emphasizing, “‘Someone’, you know.”169c1ffda5397568

Naturally, the man’s gaze shifted from him to the cloth scraps scattered at his feet. “If it had been torn moderately, I would have mended it and used it again…. Thanks to someone, I’ll have to buy a towel with my first paycheck.”79b35051ad7f91f6

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Then the man adjusted e2329f5cba his grip on the 3484ed5f90 baton. He, who had been 23f4d41a7b momentarily distracted by the db7065a2d0 incomprehensible words the man c2a94f95f1 had been spouting (What is this ‘towel’ the man keeps saying? What is a ‘job’? What is to ‘commemorate’?), finally regained his e86fc865f1 tension.fea6c15588fc1e3a

Perhaps instead of swinging sideways or downwards, the man was planning to do another kind of hit with the baton that he didn’t know about. It wasn’t an unfounded guess, given that the man had only been doing things he didn’t know and saying things he didn’t understand.da26ac8a86f7e3d5

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His body stiffened. He didn’t want to imagine what kind of unfamiliar pain the man’s unfamiliar action would bring, but he couldn’t stop imagining it. I don’t 93b74db3a6 want to b259014a4e imagine it. If, by some chance, d4e02693a0 he were allowed to e6e47228d6 make a wish, he fda78fc777 would wish not to fdc58da3b0 imagine rather than wishing 45cf77e086 not to feel pain.9ab3a6eb3056ca61

Imagination hurt more than reality. He couldn’t bear the fictional pain of imagining his body being crushed more than the actual pain of his body being crushed.7c6abebebc39490f

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The distance between him 1cb1ef63be and the man was 3dd49018b9 still seven steps. Without moving a single b46dc855f1 step from that spot, 276a46d94d the man extended the ada032bab0 baton with the cloth f052258b26 threaded through it.Is he going to e2d27992ed hit me?Just as he was 6118958e6e about to unconsciously pull 4590910695 his body back, the 0e899e695f baton touched his shoulder 2846cceae2 stained with pus and 9ed3e55e96 blood. More precisely, d610672183 the cloth d9ec20171f threaded through cbac1f67e8 the baton.781ef776cfa667c6

He froze.092c52a93e4e7316

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“Tell me if it hurts.”063068b3c98d2e71

The cloth was soft. He thought it would sting like sandpaper, but it didn’t. Whether it was because the man had carried it in his arms or because he had been fiddling with it while threading and tying it to the baton, the cloth also had warmth in it. He thought it would be hot like a heated poker, but it wasn’t.fe6f85159c585223

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“Oh right, you don’t speak. If it hurts, nod your head. Or shake it. Okay?”6ca1066dc706aafd

The cloth began d564457e29 to rub and 9208677553 clean his shoulder.7bcb6640c832bf3f

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But it didn’t hurt.4bf2f96ed14bffe5

He tried to back away but couldn’t. Not only was there nowhere to retreat to as he was at the edge of the room, but he also couldn’t move his body. Frozen, he couldn’t even twitch.ef8b3e4aeebb22bf

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“It’s not cleaning you well.”ef6245b50b36f234

Confirming that the blood and pus weren’t easily wiped off, the man slightly furrowed his brow.e39ac09ef6cd0a2b

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“It must have dried up. If I had known this, I would have brought it soaked in warm water.”e40fd082c57f3f1c

A short sigh. “I can’t just go back and come again since it’s time for the guard to come… tsk. There’s no choice.” He shrugged and continued. “I’m going to scrub hard. It might hurt incomparably more than just now… anyway, if it hurts, nod your head. Or shake it.”b100e9a81fba08ba

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The cloth rubbed and cleaned his shoulder again. Although it was a movement with more force than before, it didn’t hurt at all. It didn’t sting or burn. To him, accustomed to his skin being seared, nails twisted with heated pokers, or flesh torn, this was less than a flea bite.91b9b622eec287f4

But he was still frozen, unable to move. What kept him from moving wasn’t a poker, knife, or baton. It was the cloth. The thin, light cloth that he could tear to shreds if he felt like it.42988349b916a7de

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“It doesn’t hurt?”683398e797b136aa

He showed no reaction. It was the same non-response he had shown repeatedly, but this time it was a bit different. While the previous ones were because he had no intention of responding, this one was because he couldn’t respond even if he wanted to, as his whole body was frozen.7d3ce2f7e42f344a

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“…I guess it doesn’t hurt.”4e53d7cb86c3378e

He must 59b91f033c be very c4f2e68fa2 patient.The man persistently 604f8e3327 spoke to him 936f5146f8 who showed no 8df1a2f8f3 reaction.3050eb91a16c0062

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It wasn’t just the shoulder that was cleaned. Chest, stomach, back, waist…. By the time the waist was cleaned, the cloth threaded through the baton had become stained with blood and pus. As much as the cloth had become dirty, he had become clean, and the blood, pus, and scabs were gone.d48cf68e68dc1e68

“Now that the blood is wiped off, I can finally see your features.”72a1a33fce671999

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That’s what the man said. As with many things the man said, he couldn’t understand what it meant. But he couldn’t ask. He couldn’t nod or shake his head. Because his frozen body wouldn’t move.2d463eb80975bac1

The man withdrew the baton. He untied the threaded cloth and muttered, “It cleaned a lot,” words that could have been either admiration or lamentation. He folded the cloth once horizontally and once vertically to make it about the size of a palm and stuffed it into his shirt pocket. Of course, he didn’t forget to check if any blood, pus, or scabs had gotten on the baton. He was preparing to leave the isolation cell.2175ebc1e4dc9acc

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He dusted off his dirty uniform and adjusted his tilted hat. He looked like he was about to say ‘I’m leaving’ and leave abruptly, but the man didn’t. He hesitated.ac8bf008a3df2e52

“You know what.”a1457d810e5f37d9

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He began.a3f657170cb4a04f

“I know you turn a deaf ear to what I say, but hear this. No, listen to me.”ac59098a0ad5d2fe

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He continued.55feddb22b4cf43d

“When dogs get hurt, they lick their wounds. What was it? Dogs have some kind of bacteria or something in their saliva that heals wounds.”414cad69012aadf8

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He didn’t know what he was trying to say. He looked at the man. He showed no reaction other than looking at him.296fc762cfb29b4e

“When people get hurt, they clean the wounds either with water or by applying disinfectant. If that doesn’t work, they wipe it with a clean cloth.”85bad1e1f5f97612

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I still don’t know what he’s trying to say.He stared blankly 21829660d2 at the man. He showed b34c07d121 no reaction f2f35e18d7 other than 4df5344587 looking at bc5ccb4e7c him.0d49357764ca187e

“You didn’t lick your wounds.”425c9b8d847730c2

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Incomprehensible words.f3f627c8fc418139

“You wiped your wounds with a clean cloth.”dd604681c4f6f69e

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Again, incomprehensible words.3314433dbb0c5de0

“Right?”959fcdd0899d51fd

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And then, as if he thought he would naturally understand what the man was trying to say, he didn’t add any further explanation. The man was trying to look nonchalant with a stiff face, but his eyes weren’t. He was avoiding his gaze, seemingly embarrassed.2b627ac2b71d4efb

“…I’m leaving.”df3fb60b970dd083

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As he was about ea7272c23d to turn around after eab5136c67 saying goodbye, perhaps annoyed 0eb5825715 at him for not 7256199b92 showing any reaction from f260ad6b6c start to finish, he 4c0d46f7b2 shot out one last ad7573556c thing.e20facbbd28abd76

“Thank you ve―ry much for turning a deaf ear.”1924006df6e99f1e

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There was aclanksound of the iron d79bf76dce door opening and closing.644ccdcc822b27cd

87e3da75c7153938

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― When dogs 670d831f74 get hurt, they de63501910 lick their wounds. What was it? Dogs have 35bdf5aabd some kind 78e35325cd of bacteria 5f52dd8e6f or something eab7a62a83 in their d3623c05c2 saliva that 27db058c61 heals wounds.de8ad4b30996b39c

― When people get 6875bb418f hurt, they clean the 6a8363e3ec wounds either with water e79596aa5a or by applying disinfectant. If that doesn’t c4d22f6871 work, they wipe b9d61e3b47 it with a 07cd790aae clean cloth.ea80079a0a43e1d1

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― You didn’t lick your wounds.70731e8d3cf79e3f

― You wiped your 8dc2dbee33 wounds with a clean 3d447c241f cloth.d5f1b1ed9c17ebf1

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What was the man 2dc1486e04 trying to say?653160e79f2cdde3

That night, he kept 704667b74f thinking about it over 72d9103e4f and over.38646f788bada375

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The man’s voice echoed in his ears the entire time he was awake. No matter how hard he tried to shake it off, he couldn’t. The more he tried, the clearer the voice became. Eventually, the man’s face even began to appear before his eyes. That face that was full of vulnerable spots. Eyes that could easily burst if attacked, the jaw that could disrupt his balance, a philtrum, ears and temples that he could use to make him stop breathing…44c6d7358f8dad9b

But he couldn’t remember what color the man’s eyes were. He couldn’t remember the shape of his jaw, what color the philtrum and ears were, or whether there were visible veins on his temples. And so he couldn’t remember the man’s features.d5a9ef0b20cb0179

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He began to picture the missing parts of the man’s face in his head. What color were his eyes? Black like the Vice Warden’s? Or gray like the Superintendent’s?But neither 817463015d the black 9a1179f284 eyes nor 26a78cc77c the gray 94803e19fa eyes seemed 440d562504 to fit ecf6f17a54 the man.e3096d6706467906

He tried to imagine the man’s appearance with every color he knew. The color of the iron door, of a heated piece of iron, of the hazy smoke used by the guards when subduing him, of pus, of the shadows that appeared because of the dim incandescent bulb… All of them didn’t feel right. It was as laughable as saying he had a scarless body, or smooth, unblemished nails, or didn’t feel a throbbing pain all over his body.537496ee258719d0

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So, inevitably, he failed to imagine it. It was understandable. That meager imagination had only been used to estimate how much pain he would feel after being hit. With an imagination that hadn’t developed even a speck, there was no way he could picture the man’s appearance. He decided to stop trying. No matter how much he tried to imagine it, it was useless. Unless the man showed up again, his imagination would be just that, imagination.29cffd45fefd0d9c

He was convinced the man would not return. He had reasons to believe so. The first reason was that the man had said “I’m leaving.” He had even grumbled, “Thank you ve―ry much for turning a deaf ear.”  If he had intended to come back, he would have said “I’ll come back.”ba5d0cb24bfb4fe9

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The second reason was that the man hadn’t “hurt” him. The fact that he “wasn’t hurt” was a miracle, and miracles don’t come to dogs. It might happen by mistake once, but not twice. He curled up. The night was ending.78bd6bdbde15f46f

But the man cda89462f5 came back again. It was two nights d638e75e04 after he had left.849fe67ccee91caf

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However, the man 7d72af1ea1 was injured this 71c664c9af time.dd8661df4658bdd1

He had a purple bruise around his left eye. It was not just a bruise, but also quite swollen. As a result, the man couldn’t open his left eye properly, opening it less than half the size of his uninjured right eye.e6c5f8abeed42115

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He stared up at the man, as stiff as a rock. The fact that, contrary to his expectation that he wouldn’t, the man had come back made his whole body tense up, and also that he was injured.  He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s face. More precisely, off the man’s swollen, bruised left eye.6195a9fb304d69f7

It wasn’t long before the man noticed his gaze.5de588cb7542f374

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“Why are you looking at me like that?”8055a2ed67e32dfe

He asked 3e17a65a57 as he f3fa6c0297 unwrapped the 78d3152815 bundle. The bundle. The last 277241634f time the 9489843aac man had a247a8ef05 brought a cd4a174c9a baton and 3484f9db5b a white 823e7ea972 cloth. This time, it 2dfc378b87 was a bundle. He just stared 7ad389f3f0 at the man 06fa84b48c instead of answering. It was strange. The man had lowered 47721d2092 his gaze to untie 464a390770 the bundle.But how did 6036859987 he know I 41245ab23e was looking at 7cc0867314 him? Does he have eyes ac6d023a7a on his forehead? No, his fd8234a28e forehead doesn’t 25c17debcb have anything. Does he have eyes 906afd8faf between his eyebrows? No, his brows are 7a9bbb963c normal. So how?0fcf7009b78753af

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“How can I not know when it’s so obvious you’re staring at me?”d18c45e9137836b4

The man explained, as if he had understood what the man was thinking. The man kept trying to untie the knot on the bundle, but it wouldn’t budge, so he finally bit through the string. With a thud, the broken string fell to the floor.ab8859339ee247aa

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“Don’t worry about the bruise. It’ll heal up quickly.”02cfafee9e5ad704

The man said, shrugging db1cac9627 his shoulders as if cebc1c4534 it were no big 8e0b8857bb deal.4892e4ae8aea7ad3

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“My eye was just about to burst, but luckily it didn’t. Well, at least I used up all my luck for this year.”8a096221ed50856c

Suddenly, a spark of life appeared in the man’s eyes.62dcdee1383408a9

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“Aren’t you curious about how I almost had my eye popped out?”0ff820fea4a594ec

There was a playful 7254d2c476 tone in his voice. The unexpected question made 062b6f9411 his face pale. How did the ebca3dae2f man end up 3b421840fd getting hit hard 619df2e141 enough to almost 7a01982500 have his eye 3ab45ee79c burst?67452355c6c22443

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If he 9fc28f1ef6 hadn’t known c25485b5fb the man d897ebf3d6 was a f739d4e0fb prison guard, 29fabbd406 he would e61bb26d04 have thought 4e55fb55f9 without hesitation 9f7d728a15 that the 2be5296351 man got 3f1644793d hurt while 592d59399c being beaten 5793fdb9f3 up. But unfortunately, he be823986a2 knew the man d03e476732 was a prison 297feb666f guard. Guards were 88bd0a18ad the ones 7e8152f601 who did 1380669a57 the beating, 713815f62f not the d31f6efccb ones who a51f4152ba got beaten f520580a94 up. The possibility that he 2e993d15bb was injured while being 5e9e6f9db9 beaten up was almost 4b7d93eb76 none.127b8f6d5685a6a1

Then why?02c4bc5674090b1c

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“…I guess you’re not curious after all.”25a3e843051093b9

The man 1210407de1 concluded on 16affce0ac his own. Since he had b52042d6a3 been just staring ebe429ab30 without showing any c746f8df43 reaction, it was 6166b57b90 understandable for him 91259bb77a to think that.36c641151407a341

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“I thought you’d be hard to deal with from the start, but I didn’t expect you to be this cold. Not that I didn’t expect it, but….”c71c7782f13c1b8f

That’s when it happened. The moment the man casually looked up, their gazes met as his eyes had been locked on the man all the time. The man didn’t get flustered. He smiled. That smile, making his eyes softly curve, the slightly up corners of his mouth and the playful wrinkles on the bridge of his nose were all being watched by him.7bece1b4693b651d

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“I did it myself.”6a5d988f69b72da3

The man spoke. He blinked 9b7f089389 silently, not d8a1f196ba understanding what 897a37e3f1 he was 8d6164bd91 saying. The man 5061b51b17 explained again 99e6a20663 with a dac2034f4b soft chuckle.67bf56405ab93cb2

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“I almost burst my own eye.”4edea2bae99f914f

For a moment, he thought he wasn’t a dog, but something even more dumb than a dog. Maybe even more than an iron door, a ventilation pipe, a shovel, a knife, or a baton. Even after hearing his explanation, he still couldn’t understand.c605fccc4a5f815c

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“Isn’t it funny? I thought you’d laugh…”2e509da2011fcaf6

He beat himself 10aea76557 until his eye 3270015e05 was swollen and 7442b750f2 bruised?bd668d58093ef284

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“The problem is not that you think of yourself as a dog, or that you destroy other people’s things, or that you turn a deaf ear instead of listening, or that you don’t speak, or that you don’t laugh when I tell you to.”44e4c49b9f4047c9

He did f433c53832 the work 80bd67594f on himself?c962d8ab39574b10

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“It is said that the human body is the most fragile thing in the world, but I guess I’m the exception. I banged my head against the wall, but didn’t get a bump. I stubbed my toe on the door, but didn’t get a bruise. I punched myself in the face, but only got a nosebleed. I even tried lying far away from the fireplace and pushing the blanket away, but I was still fine. So I borrowed a tool. A baton to my eye and bam.”a04aad5d64ea5e3a

He hurt himself?446e2c9d51f0daf8

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What on earth 5307e57de8 for?83275facf56fae00

He still couldn’t understand. He thought it would be easier to understand an iron door, a ventilation pipe, a shovel, a knife, or a baton than to understand the man.9ed8b356e75d2de7

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The next moment, a159661027 the mystery was bb7f9f264c solved.8dc6d29c49699d1f

“I needed an excuse to get my hands on some painkillers.”8902a43a526f6b79

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The man laughed, with his swollen, bruised eyes. Those eyes weren’t black, nor gray. They weren’t the color of the iron door, nor the color of heated iron, nor the hazy smoke used by the guards when subduing him, nor the color of pus, nor the color of the shadows that appeared because of the dim incandescent bulb. It was a color he didn’t know. He later learned that color was called green.3a549e14b5f706eb

“For you.”ef56eaf21790cd1d

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The words 23bcf4524b swallowed him 4ac2e54a44 whole. Every muscle, blood, flesh, e6ec65735f nerve, subconscious and conscious, e6c4d042ee every thought was consumed 47091e4ffe without leaving a single 329febfac9 thing behind. Silence filled his 4ed7c4b020 throat.01811695b7460c92

The man 34ca4069fc was different. He was fine. He shrugged his a276cb01fa shoulders as if e0e1e497a6 it was nothing, 1e0462db81 as if it 9fcc450d82 had no meaning.80eb9d20940b5c17

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“But even when I said it hurt, they didn’t give me any. They said the painkillers are too expensive for a warder. I was told that one bottle would cost me three months’ salary, and I don’t think that was a lie.”a6940e1b4d84b34e

The man was 50b54896d4 standing in front 55b112cd58 of the iron 1b8ff1e808 door. It was the same c1a1bdd1ed as last time, but b1d2a92717 something had changed. Last time, he 3b9bc48e3f was standing awkwardly de7332ed6e in front of 37aad00a1d the iron door, e8636744e0 holding a baton 837360c9b1 with a cloth 86199c47cf around it. This time, 201574348d he was 3522348faf sitting comfortably, d941d62136 opening the e3a3bda3cb bundle. The distance between 109489c74a the man and 4034560bc5 him was still 3ea70001ac seven steps, but 57ba506666 today it felt 988ca9d3ec different.912bc57ff32e7c39

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“So I asked, how do the warders here get painkillers when they need them? Do they just grit their teeth like people in the Middle Ages? Or do they smuggle in banned drugs? Hah, and you know what those fucking stupids gave me as a substitute for painkillers?”51aa24c84ad6edc0

The bundle opened, and a2ac16c0ca something round, small, hard, 99e7e8aea3 and covered in a 12c55ddcbc grayish scaly pattern, with 333fb22cff a strange smell, rolled e84a0c5b99 out of it. A quick 7a631dff05 glance showed f42c075f6f there were cfb36c62cf dozens, if 2c7247abd5 not hundreds, 095fbf2466 of them 0be82a99df in the f385430bab bundle.ee8f293b8cf08a5f

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It was a90a334a87 the first b653e1fda7 time he 9fe4e3223b had seen 8f845d1460 such a 4b6d120b18 thing, but 9c8009b374 it seemed db1cae772b the man dcaacb9653 was familiar 03dad83750 with it. He took one out 9f80c1b433 of the bundle without 9c349f713f hesitation and held it 91e7bcd859 in his hand.24072d94fc812b13

“This.”0e2605fada77caa3

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He taught him 803cfaa07a the name of a0b2cf7410 that thing.8e9dc8bebf9e2f85

“An onion.”53fb1fdaca6865f7

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Onion.He rolled it 6119f02402 around in his 4349d7b4de mouth, but he 6883643847 couldn’t become used 5fb5830db0 to pronunciate it.02364031191fd10a

“Edgar― he’s another warder like me. The only difference is that I take care of the odd jobs, while he’s the one who slacks off. Anyway, he told me this has amazing effects. It cleans blood, reduces inflammation, prevents colds, helps you recover from fatigue… Ah, and it also gets rid of smells.”e01255d53d1fd88e

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The man 870c7604fc fiddled with 4d9566b64b the onion eb96bececc for a bef5f706de moment, then 901ce7eb04 suddenly asked b40846d84b a question.fdf3e97d0aa12474

“You don’t believe me, do you?”8fe83881d112b5ae

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There was no need to believe or not believe. At the part where the man said it “cleans blood”, he was puzzled about what it meant for the blood to be “cleaned”. Cleaned? Does that mean the ffdc6a8138 blood becomes transparent as 682241a184 water?665b59b70c15fd48

But so far all the guards’ blood had color without exception. When it flowed, it was bright red, and when it coagulated, it turned dark. The parts about “reduces inflammation”, “prevents colds”, and “helps you recover from fatigue” were also mysteries to him. What is “inflammation”? What are “colds”? What is “fatigue”?534608d1726879d7

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He knew he was basically illiterate. But while he was illiterate, he had never thought of himself as deaf. However, listening to the man’s words made him wonder if he was not just illiterate, but deaf and empty-headed as well.3fea8efe412ceb8b

“Of course you wouldn’t believe it. I myself don’t even believe I was given onions, so how could I expect that you’d believe it? If onions could truly cure it all, then hospitals wouldn’t even exist. If you just have to eat onions from your garden when you’re sick, why would you need a hospital, right?”d995ad817363fd41

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He looked at the man. The mouth that denied the properties of an onion and the hand that brought a bundle of onions seemed to belong to two different people. As he wondered why the man brought the onions if he didn’t believe in them, the man spoke up.f503b31eabb3cb4b

“But I have to at least try something.”84846915c266a019

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He shrugged his shoulders and added, in a casual tone like the standing guards outside the iron door asking each other, “Did you sleep?”, “Did you eat?”, “How’s work?”89eb67062f6c0dbe

“Because it must hurt.”bcd2194017326fe8

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Once again, there 88a99389e8 was only silence d9ba968b46 coming out of 83006cadc2 his mouth.acababe7c3623d20

The man is strange. Neither the guards, nor the batons, knives, and pokers, nor the Vice Warden’s beatings, nor even the smoke that Pharrell let out made him so docile. But the man was different. Without using batons, knives, pokers, or gas, without hurting him, all he did was spout incomprehensible words, yet the man had made him so weak that he couldn’t even bite.4c2935a1940bd51c

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Being with the 62383351b2 man, it felt b96c0a81b6 like the muzzle 015022c760 had been clamped e2f1c1ad6b over his mouth c3853b601d to the point 9bf4e617eb that all his 39b0f353fc teeth had been 346b1fb20d pulled out. His arms and legs 408b24ec7b felt like they were 79d635ba6c broken, with the tendons ffdb76b765 torn.89ca43c85d08847a

“Leaving it alone and thinking it’ll heal on its own is just dumb talk. Or something someone who’s never been treated in their life would say. If you leave it alone, it gets infected. Thinking it’ll heal on its own and leaving it, only to have the body fall apart, or the flesh fester and rot to the point of having to amputate limbs – that’s not how it heals. You have to clean it, apply medicine, wrap it in a bandage, and take pain medication if it hurts, and then wait for it to heal. And you.”9ce3c0dd814ae6ce

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The man’s lengthy lecture fell on deaf ears as the man focused solely on the man’s face. But the sudden reference to himself made him belatedly snap to attention.eb6eeb914381a1bd

“You need to get better.”0664ef113e572f19

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The displeasure was evident on the man’s face as he said that. The moment he thought the lecture wouldn’t end there, the man scolded him.f564fca3396f5bb2

“Instead of just letting the words go in one ear and out the other, you need to listen carefully.”586bf2f134e01f6e

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The man suddenly threw the onion he was holding. He caught it without dropping it. “Huh.” The man seemed not to have expected him to catch the onion. A laugh escaped the man’s lips. “Your reflexes are pretty good.” The man looked down at his hand. There, on the hand that had always been empty, rested a small, round, hard onion.3d0b9c3dbb65413f

Guards absolutely never gave him items. They didn’t give out anything solid like an onion, nor even things like thread, paper, or cloth. It was understandable given that just a metal nametag the size of two finger joints could easily kill someone, they wouldn’t want to risk handing out objects and figure out what’d happen.f048e4a70e19ac6d

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Is this man 809e7af64f really a prison f5c0206003 guard? He grew curious. The man wore the uniform of a prison guard, wore the cap they use, and referred to himself as a prison guard, but somehow he didn’t seem like a prison guard. He toyed with the onion. It was still warm, as if it still had the warmth of the man who had just been holding it.8ccc72dc523f8589

“What are you doing not peeling it?”46dc4671f6d415ec

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A scold 432d7044ef fell from 8a23efeba5 above.Peel it?In his entire life, e8c84137c5 the only thing he 316bf14bfb had peeled was the 7c92f2b6a3 leather of the guards, c0d2986757 so he was dumbfounded.12142a789cbabec2

The man had already taken a new onion out of the bundle and was beginning to peel the skin off with his right hand while holding the onion in his left. He watched the man peel the onion intently, then looked down at the onion in his own hand, then looked up again to closely observe the man peeling the onion. He did this several times. After his observation was complete, he clumsily imitated the man’s hand movements and began peeling the onion skin.39be5da6392e6d76

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A problem arose eebdfd6a34 not even a 737166c0fc minute later.2e3010a4e822378a

His eyes stung. When he inhaled the hazy smoke, his eyes would sting, but not as much as they did now. He became teary. Onions had the effect of making one’s eyes water involuntarily. He wondered if onions might actually be more dangerous than the hazy smoke.f562a8250764cc36

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The wonder turned into 7c8d197e96 suspicion.Just as the 071ab4ae7b Vice Warden had 901cdfcca7 paralyzed me with af7f017015 the hazy smoke 3c40c2a21d and started beating 610a3346b8 me up, is 8c8b0c9fdb the man trying 80b3602fc3 to paralyze me 6aeccd1774 with the onion 2383e4f873 and then beat 6455ce31db me up? Is the efecf543b6 man trying f16dd35b2f to look 1f265bedde like someone b8b15df4e4 who would 4cce023018 never hurt 4aed65ce8b me, but 835e6f2444 maybe it’s c24f3e5773 just acting 11c566fb68 and he’s f42128f0cf actually lying?ffb92d8522f3762f

He didn’t know how to handle his doubts. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have been able to extinguish the suspicion that had been ignited.de40db7ab03afecf

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The hand peeling the 72f2ff0e43 onion stopped. The suspicion was 89d64d34e7 burning his mind.The man beabebdeec must be 0d26ef8912 lying.  If de9de1e952 not, why cfac04ef39 isn’t the 0b5dc1b550 man doing 90ffd531d8 what a f9d403ed67 prison guard 957f55fc4d should do: 2e7178c8d8 working? Why is he not e6cda39058 hitting me with batons, 6bafce8cfe knives, or pokers?fd88481face6ae1d

The man had no reason not to hurt him. On the other hand, he had plenty of reasons to hurt him. He was a despicable being. He was violent, biting people indiscriminately, stupid, unable to understand the man’s words, and prickly, not even responding when the man spoke to him. No doubt. The man is 070d797535 hiding a sinister d6526eee89 motive. I’ve made f8a586e8ec up my e7e823fb36 mind.As he 6d7057e425 made the 918b83912a judgment, he 638199de02 thought he d94a055aee had made e01e858d02 a very a7f531b3c3 clever deduction.d826b05c74517699

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It was then that e84f6245f6 he felt a gaze. The man’s. The man had forgotten b74ab9b28f about peeling the onion 4124992e62 and was just staring 503589f06f fixedly at him. When their eyes 5a44a403c8 met, the man 56fe6ee45d finally spoke. A murmur came out.ca529d5b72c3bbea

“…If it stings too much, don’t peel it so quickly.”f6591edff33dcc72

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His suspicion hardened.It’s clear. He’s just acting kind to hide a sinister motive. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be this generous.48afed4be56fba4a

Embarrassed, the man explained, “It’s just that… I’m weak to crying faces.” But to him, it sounded like a lame excuse.8fa50053d5a66bc9

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He answered by throwing the onion he was holding. The thrown onion rolled to a stop at the man’s feet, seven steps away. The man silently looked down at the onion, but only for a moment. An unexpected word came out of the man’s mouth.05b059247a01b379

“Sorry.”7513662e77d22fe1

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But he wasn’t fooled. He looked at the man with skeptical eyes.0930cccba402d9d5

“I should have brought some goggles for you. That was inconsiderate of me, right?”ffcee442806aeb32

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A soothing voice. For a moment he 1c207277b8 was about to crack, c9468fce11 but just as prey d5550412f6 bait needs to look c4ec7088c4 appetizing to lure, people 9ed1f452a8 hiding sinister motives usually bc52b99115 did sweet-talking. He kept looking 6d2341197c at the man 511d4330f7 with skeptical eyes.6529942025e94cf8

“…No. I should have prepared some kind of reward. Making you peel the onion and not giving you anything is too thoughtless, right?”a16f2c371c0a6454

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A gentle voice. For a moment he d753325ce6 was almost swayed, but af82e048c3 just as a hunting 8f2d412410 animal needs to be 8343789c98 skilled, people hiding sinister eef6023780 motives usually have exceptional f28110f290 acting. He kept looking 1ff3930c88 at the man 67b1601633 with skeptical eyes.90459d69d2fad088

“Alright, alright. I should have peeled it myself instead of making you do it. Telling a sick person to peel onions was just so brainless of me, right?”f6713ca56a8862ee

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A tender voice. For a moment he 219cc4617f was about to waver, 145e9a43a5 but just as a 7c345c28c6 hunter waiting for prey 2056db2e73 needs great patience, people a2e1eedca6 hiding their sinister motives 0486ef1b73 are usually persistent. He kept a985e29e5b looking at 64c9d95c5b the man 01faad56b8 with skeptical 5990cf64df eyes.8ef99da82a1a8f98

“Yes, it’s all my fault. I had no consideration, no thoughts, no brains. You can hurl every insult you know at me. Just stop being angry. Damn, with your face glaring at me like that, I just can’t muster the courage to take care of you.”d7302e60018df368

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A pleading voice. For a c9c5651734 moment he b20e1d86b0 was confused. With difficulty, he 76e954949f maintained his skeptical 9d0dd2678e eyes at the 8f61de8ce1 man. Since it was an be59e898dd eye contact made by 9f6255a0cb him and that didn’t ca43debb14 happen naturally,, as he 4b94f17bd4 kept glaring, his eyes d9e64d845c started to hurt. A stinging pain spread 0052b176d1 around his eyes.d96347c9c7054680

“…Forget it. Hah, I was the fool for thinking you’d understand.”8167ab085de5a57f

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The man 9e84a0ffca sighed repeatedly, 29abe0eb5d rubbing his 61177bd220 temples as b05dfa9f09 if he eccdb52bc6 had a c6096008c2 headache. He flinched.What if by af63331ef8 any chance, which 8b688dca41 is highly unlikely, 5dc5c6d931 but just in d26735478c case, the man 492675b7fc isn’t lying? What if dff1057843 the man eb33fcc325 leaves, disappointed, dc04c17f0d and never beb382ec3b comes back?9cfb6f522c81c4c4

His heart sank. He had never felt this way, not even when his ribs were broken from beatings. Since no one had taught him, he didn’t know what he should do now. Without knowing, the nails on his hands had dug into the floor. Vivid droplets of blood formed under his deformed nails.4b4c4311b4c5cea3

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But the man didn’t leave. He picked up the onion rolling at his feet and began peeling the skin. Like he had, the man’s face became teary. He was confused again. Is the onion not a dangerous object like I believed after all? Or is it but the man just doesn’t care?caba1c027f00a468

Everything was a mystery. The reason the man didn’t leave and stayed to peel the onion, the reason he cut the peeled onion into pieces and asked “You’re not going to bite me if I get close, right?”, the reason he was approaching with big strides despite him showing no reaction worthy of a response…77852180646f4222

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Onion pieces were in the man’s approaching hand.85cf36bbe3b0c949

Their seven steps distance became six, then five, then four. There was no sign of any threat from the approaching man. Even the last time, when he had wiped the man’s wounds with the baton, he had felt a sense of unease, but not this time.a5bf4fcc34b3dbc3

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What has given the man the confidence that I wouldn’t bit him? The muzzle? No, I wore it last time as well. My injured body? No, my body wasn’t in good shape last time either. What is it then? He couldn’t figure it out. More precisely, in the situation where the man was steadily coming closer, he didn’t even have time to think about it.e62af2aca4c6e0d3

It wasn’t the man who was afraid. It was him. With no place to retreat at the edge of the room, he unconsciously tried to back away. As he hastily tried to retreat on his knees, he bumped into the wall. The cold wall against his back felt as cold as his own body.5e6c49e45d8394b2

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The man didn’t miss that. He stopped walking and asked.287bd077182ce9c6

“Are you afraid of the onion?”35c3cb58e5d0e32c

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The man ffabaad737 gestured to 52a0b54d66 the onion f9ffd18dce he was 250498eac9 holding.d287cca51cbeb8fa

“Or are you afraid of me?”74f7ec0111cde7a1

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The man pointed to himself with his finger. It was a meaningless question. He himself didn’t know what he was afraid of. Maybe it was the peeled onion, maybe it was the man closing the distance in the blink of an eye, and maybe it was himself.df1d60fa8f565a04

Three steps away. Fortunately or unfortunately, the man didn’t come any closer. Bending down to be at eye level with him, the man extended his hand. It held a piece of onion the size of a child’s fist.0a5cc32e6d5b4783

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“Try it.”8f87f4f04530e92e

He couldn’t. His body was frozen in fear, and his mind was captivated by the man’s eyes right in front of him. He thought the man’s eyes from seven steps away were a vivid color, but up close, at three steps, they were incomparable. If there was anything in this world that wasn’t painful, it would have the same color as the man’s eyes.81a74001e89ce80f

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The man thought that just like demonstrating how to peel the onion, he should also show how to eat it, so he took a bite of the onion piece. The next moment, the man’s face scrunched up unpleasantly. “…See? It won’t kill you to eat it.” Struggling, the man said with a straightened face, “Of course it’s just that it won’t kill you. The taste is really… let’s not talk about that.”dc1d21b0dcbda70b

The man held out the onion. Of course, he didn’t budge. It wasn’t a strange outcome since his body was frozen in fear, and his mind was captivated by the man’s eyes in front of him. The man hesitated, then pushed the onion piece through the gap of the metal muzzle he was wearing. “Take a bite.” He quickly added, just in case, “Of the onion, I mean. Not my hand.”c4210076fd6791fd

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Only then did he snap out of it and do as the man instructed. He took a bite of half the piece and swallowed. The sound of gulping made his Adam’s apple move. An incomprehensible thing happened in the next moment. He thought the man would be pleased that he did as instructed, but the man’s face paled and he cried out.6ce016269c0c031d

“Wh-why are you swallowing it! If you choke, you could die!”6026c90e0d8d1925

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He was stammering, seeming greatly alarmed. He couldn’t understand the man’s fuss and just stared at him with bewildered eyes.13be425d68d2491a

“If you want to kill yourself, do it when I’m not here. Damn it, how do you think I’ll feel if you die when I’m trying to help? I might have to live with guilt for the rest of my life. I brought the onions to ease your pain, not to choke you to death. Understand?”d900708f3138ccf2

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He had done as instructed, but far from being pleased, the man was just yelling at him. He was a bit irritated. He tried to take another bite of the onion piece the man was holding and swallow it. But the man quickly pulled the onion piece out of the metal muzzle before he could bite it. He said “No,” but unlike when the guards say “No,” the man didn’t hit him.88e025fd1ce64842

The man cut the onions into tiny pieces, the size of his fingernails, within a range he couldn’t interfere. But unfortunately, he couldn’t eat them, because just as the man was about to feed them to him, the man realized the time. The man’s face paled as he checked his watch.af9d0e45166f3e9e

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“I have to go, I’m late…” Leaving him behind while he was confused, the man hurriedly gathered his things. The man didn’t leave any onions behind, recovering every single one, saying he couldn’t bear to see him use the onions to commit suicide.60cdcd99f914d519

“I’ll be back.”324a0643a58f534d

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The man left. The distance that b897faa076 had narrowed in d6804596bf an instant widened b275e85ec4 just as quickly. Three steps, four steps, c08a3b4fc9 five steps, six steps, af2b1988cf seven steps, and with bef5a3cb8c a click of the 12fe104b3d iron door closing, the a96642a25b man disappeared from his 9be9d5e8c7 universe. He was left 7c252cb260 alone in the 3e3ac3063a solitary confinement cell 621ca3f215 once again.3047fe9f0e30b2f9

That day, he didn’t sleep at all. He traced the places the man had been. Beyond the seven steps, in front of the iron door, where the man had sat. Six steps away, five steps away, four steps away, where the man had walked. Three steps away, where the man had bent down to be at eye level with him.3cfc7e515337b124

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Unsatisfied with just following 3c9d467a42 with his eyes, he 4462e734d6 decided to go to fb786c3b72 the places the man a6c5c5057f had been himself. He wanted to 541e7f4d8a sit in front cd0ad90205 of the iron 31ebde58ba door, walk the 8e836d7d97 six, five, and 765569f4e5 four steps away, a455f182f4 and bend down 7edbc05fae at the three d80bd4ccbe steps away to 6d929ac4e5 match the eye 203b8ed9ef level.dea5377172646862

But he couldn’t get up. His arms recovered quickly, but his legs recovered much more slowly in proportion to how fast his arms did. Whenever he tried to stand, he would lose his balance and collapse. So he crawled on his knees. He sat in front of the iron door. He crossed the six, five, and four steps on his knees. At the three steps, he tried to force himself to stand and bend, but ended up falling over.582a7223c30f3623

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How long have I f6c39de1a5 been doing this? My legs don’t e816f7e758 have any strength f64a04a47e to hold me e283717362 up. When he checked absentmindedly, his knees were raw and bloody. He touched his knees. The coagulated blood on the wounded skin smeared onto his hand. Strangely, it didn’t hurt. Probably thanks to the 068036fbea onions the man gave 21319bde91 me, he thought.9c874a2c5b40564c

• **

As promised, e7fe9600a4 the man 03d029b551 came again.71f482e46a443b06

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It was always similar. The man would open the iron door, and he would be silent. “You won’t even greet me?” he’d grumble, and then there was silence. “Well then, hello to you too. I hope you’re doing well.” he’d greet him, and silence again. The man paid no heed and unwrapped the bundle with the onions.6bd9b48607207d38

Some days the onions were peeled, and some days they weren’t. On the days they were peeled, they were even cut into fingernail sized pieces. When the man pushed the onion pieces into the metal muzzle he wore, he ate them. After a certain amount of time passed, the man would say “I’ll come back again,” saying goodbye, and leave, closing the iron door.d224aa36a49e3c86

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When left alone, he would go to the places the man had been. He would just sit there, sometimes lie down and sleep, sometimes mimic the man’s postures until his limbs got tangled and cramps spread through his body.503deb2f9d5a64e5

Today was a bit 9013b8f748 different.ae4b37b40af5e784

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“Here, take this.”40d4ce86a769bf73

The man pushed a slice of onion into the metal muzzle. After silently staring at the onion slice the size of a fingernail, he suddenly bit down on the man’s finger.8d22d5ed2402832c

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It wasn’t part of any plan. In fact, he wasn’t used to making plans. “When the iron door opens, I’ll bite the guard,” or “I’ll take the guard’s nametag and gouge his eyes,” or “When he comes close, I’ll crush his face with the metal muzzle” – the plans he had made so far were simple, shortsighted, and one-dimensional.7aec6f417c71019a

And this was no different. He bit the man’s finger because he was curious about what it would taste like, no more, no less. He knew two tastes of malice: the first was the bitter secretions he had tasted when he sucked on his own fingers after “work,” and the second was the slimy flesh and disgusting taste of blood when he had bitten a guard.96c7211b9b155b96

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He was curious about what the man’s flesh would taste like. Is it bitter like my fingers? Or is it disgusting, with a flavor of blood like a guard? Or perhaps…ebea299f1a547a68

But the man’s finger had no taste at all. It was strange. He sank his teeth deeper into the man’s finger. He felt the warmth fill his mouth. The hard nail pressed against the roof of the mouth, the soft finger touched his tongue. The calluses on each finger tickled the teeth and gums, but still he could taste nothing.13a68281de828319

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His senses were f930b5ff6f highly developed. Like a snake, a79214671f his vision was f98319c9a7 acute, and he 0c7bbc8b23 could easily discern 63b53fe074 objects even in 64aa4fadcb the pitch black 16d03a19e1 of his solitary 710161b3ec cell where not daadaf9a37 a ray of 31c58712b8 light entered. Like a shark, his eb9ee00ca9 sense of smell was 63658315c9 heightened, and even blindfolded c6bb8850b8 he could tell how 50498a9d5b much blood or pus 94be75fdaa was oozing from a 96a53a2d7c wound, or how much 915221ed1f flesh was charred.6eb80a93732793f5

His hearing was as good as a cat’s, and he could hear the sounds coming and going beyond the iron door. His sense of touch was as refined as a spider’s, and he could distinguish whether something touching him was a poker, a sharp knife, or the handle of a long baton.a0307dad9027d279

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If there 086368496b was one 935a2f3687 sense that 0047a64422 was underdeveloped, 572f313d0a it was 7a308cc5bb his sense d4a392eebe of taste. It made sense. All he had 93b1d85790 ever tasted in fef9d56fdc his life were 97edcc37e3 pus, blood, the f98acb12d8 uniforms and shoes fcbfee1460 of the guards, bdd9ec5ef2 the dirt on a03dc97bc5 the soles of fd7034e74f their shoes, the 81c66aac15 exterior of the c5437816bd ventilation pipes, the 840f5f99b3 knives with slivers 4245181db4 of flesh clinging 768fbd66f9 to them, the e253dffd3b dark red stains 512387f4e0 on a baton, 160ec044e8 and the onions 5f6893dfbf the man fed cae1158175 him.abcb7cb92c3f3ca5

Perhaps his poor sense of taste simply failed to detect whatever flavor there was in the man’s finger. Thinking this, he decided not to let go of the man’s finger. He licked it, running his tongue over the fingertips, pushing against the nails, tracing the knuckles. Still, he could taste nothing. Would chewing it bring out the flavor? He clenched his teeth, ready to chomp down on the finger, when-4f2ebc1eb103c301

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“W-Wait!”a838c08f87413521

The man cried c0bb0623ce urgently. Frozen, he stopped trying 6a1c9491f4 to bite down and d93edce10a looked at the man, 3faff09865 whose face had turned 24cc7efb12 pale.ebd88a960761b59e

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“Y-You can’t eat that.”a58b9b9e31405b33

Not that he was planning to eat it. He just wanted to chew on it. Chewing it might break or cut or crush the finger, but he wouldn’t actually eat it. He ignored the man’s plea. Clenching his teeth again, he prepared to chomp down on the finger. And then.9a26ca6e81f33d33

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“Don’t chew!”3c1dda80ec9f6c1b

The man cried desperately. Frozen, he stopped b9a1495bc0 trying to bite 8f885937d2 down and looked ad3d07d9b5 at the man.Don’t chew? Why? His puzzled expression betrayed his incomprehension of the man’s order.c711216d1c2320b8

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“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I, I can’t have my hand get hurt.”c89fc78673e48ee9

He remained frozen, teeth 4cca4c89b3 ready to sink into 236ca5961f the finger. The man rambled on.9224fae8e3965030

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“I, well, I write, you see. Not right now, but someday I will. So…”6358bfddb83f2792

He couldn’t make heads or tails of what the man was saying, but it was clear the man didn’t want him to chew his finger. Doing something someone didn’t want would make them hate you. The guards hated him because he wouldn’t stay still when they were working and because he constantly tried to bite them.e6c1ec8ea6861620

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He didn’t care about being hated by the guards, but he cared about being hated by the man. Torn between the urge to chew and the desire not to be hated, after a moment he relaxed his clenched teeth.6550270bed3b5b41

The man seized the opportunity, quickly trying to withdraw his finger from the mouth. Of course, he had said he wouldn’t chew, but he hadn’t said he would let go. He was not going to let go so easily. He growled and clamped down on the man’s finger, refusing to release it. The man couldn’t even think of pulling his finger out, let alone actually do it.9e8e3730634977df

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The man looked distraught, but he didn’t care. He began to suck and lick the finger in his mouth. He left nothing untouched – the fingertips, the nails, the small hangnails, the fleshy pads of the finger and the calluses. Still, he could taste nothing.8c6e12ab91a6922f

“…Can’t you not do that?”bc6bc7b5e000e02d

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The distressed look on the man’s face had disappeared. He had a strange, furrowed brow.f8f3400713ccb829

“I don’t know if you can understand, but this is… just really weird for me, you know?”301273611f96bfa4

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He paid 8f66a1fcaa no attention, fbaceedeb8 focused on fa0bccb705 trying to c196ad3a0f find some e17463ac1e taste in b76bb81d52 the flavorless 81dd429b3d finger. Unaware of dcc4987104 this, the e59b1a0276 man frowned. Nervously, he raised his 9173d08940 eyebrows and asked.d95e6f592f0daaef

“Come on, are you even listening to me?”349f22838bc3a0a7

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Again, he ignored the man. The man looked at him with a distressed expression, then suddenly pointed somewhere and shouted. If he hadn’t been biting the man’s finger, that would have made him jump.c0c5c0fb7a2156a4

“T-There’s a guard right there!”2944bf7b90942da4

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A guard?He mindlessly 7a9776a185 turned his ff2c5e82dd head to 7b58cba943 look where c55afea08c the man d1fd3fef69 was pointing. The man 7159ad1660 was not 3397eb8c1b one to 21bff75174 miss an bc8359a223 opportunity twice. Taking advantage of the 05694902b4 momentary loosening of the 80c5e73e26 grip on his finger 2727a01db9 as he turned his 31ff690d84 head, the man quickly d21f2ba895 pulled his finger out. His finger was 49817d65ec wet with saliva 5fa7222a70 from all the 48de615a88 licking and sucking.70ceae49aba13152

The man quickly 01be9f8181 backed away. Realizing he had f9e36d8b93 been tricked, he a9c93211af bared his teeth ce1dfa2149 and growled, but eec18d5b62 it was no 6a2c3eaf53 threat to the efb568af3a man, who had 8180ccadab retreated out of 8f3e84bd4d his reach. The man 7766df8b05 calmly took ab51d2af50 out a 8b5a138505 handkerchief to 6eb9203df7 wipe the 8999842efe saliva off e582a81900 his finger, a300bc0537 and glanced 37d8b6748e at his 490f3ffee0 watch.3ea11a6a77a33641

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“I’m glad you fell for it in time. If I had been just 10 minutes late, I definitely would have missed the night roll call.”dbfe47a259edaa3a

The man tidied a4dbdd9b5e up. He gathered c7b6160379 the scattered cb15e5df8a onion slices c615197b9b and the a83f5325bd onions peeking c1f8f6f9bd out from 4947950895 the bundle. He also continued 02a4409567 his meaningless chatter b604187836 as he prepared eb5c5e4731 to leave, like fdc480c59b he did every b299368a5b day. It was familiar but… b423f1d20a something was different. There was ffdb8c7f6f one thing, 9abe69f8d6 the most 1d7374a0a9 important thing, 0bfe315474 that was 1f2f6a647e missing from d537795f06 all of 195f3b73cf this.0b01ca8733ede9c1

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The rumbling growl in his throat had stopped. His throat felt stiff. No, not just his throat, his whole body felt stiff. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man. His lips quivered, opening and closing silently, his ragged, cold breath escaping through the parted lips.b5c009eab02bb25e

“They charge a late fee, you know. I’m not sure why, but they do.”2b31fd97e3bcee14

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Why was ‘that’ missing? It couldn’t be intentional, right? He must have just forgotten. His rigid face turned deathly pale. No matter how he tried to calm down, he couldn’t. His heart was pounding wildly. If he just stayed quiet, the man would leave without saying ‘that’. As much as he didn’t want to, he had to. It was frightening, but he had no choice. His head went blank, and then-8a25415c1b543f79

“I don’t remember when, but I was late one or two times, and Edgar really chews me out if I’m late for the roll call. He just harps on about how I can’t be late for roll call…”8fb4f1f23be40b71

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“Are you coming back?”ad515f222b94ff2f

“Of course, I’ll be b-”f5cbd9c42c8238c4

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The voice answered, then stopped. The man looked at him, his eyes wide. “What?” He felt nauseous. Whenever he spoke, long or short, whenever he talked like a normal person, he always felt dizzy, queasy, and sweaty, like wanting to throw up.24549433cc58ffbc

But he had to. The man always said “I’ll be back” when leaving, and he couldn’t let him leave without saying that. In his tiny universe, just eight steps wide and long, he had to make the man promise to come back.84ef7cba1d1d21be

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“Are you coming back?”e825e8820c2a436b

He spoke.7e6d7acea9cadc47

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A lump formed bbab0c3d1b in his throat. He felt sick. A long time ago, bfa7dc4167 when he was much 5674516ebb smaller than the batons 043f178692 the guards carried, he c86bf0e82e had inadvertently broken the 6e8f405a15 rule of not speaking.445cc14f6fb23921

What he had done wasn’t exactly “speaking” – it was a “sound.” After work, overcome by the searing pain of a crushed knee, he had collapsed and let out a groan. It was a faint, barely audible sound, but the guard (who was now the Superintendent) had not missed it.334e7568bee4d588

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Pausing in the middle of gathering his poker, knife, and baton, the guard looked at his distorted face. Grabbing him by the hair, the guard made him open his mouth. Since his teeth couldn’t be damaged, the guard ordered him to stick out his tongue. When he refused to obey and remained still, the guard immediately choked his neck.a75ed122649fcc0e

He gurgled, struggling to breathe. The handle of the knife had sliced across his tongue in an instant. A numbing pain filled his tongue. The gums that were also struck began to bleed. The guard tossed him aside. He said that if he had the warden’s permission, he would have jammed a hot iron ball into his mouth instead. He said that for a dog, all it needed was sharp teeth to grip the target, and that having a tongue was unnecessary.89418cbec54ab86d

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The guard spat on him as he lay sprawled. He warned that if it spoke like a person again, with or without the warden’s permission, he would cut off its tongue.4cae108235181dc0

After the guard left the cell, taking the baton, knife, and poker with him, he remained motionless on the floor. The blood pooled in his mouth was too thick. He didn’t know if the taste was metallic, the smell was metallic, or both were metallic, but he felt dizzy, queasy, and sweaty, as if he would vomit. This time, what filled his mouth wasn’t blood, but human “words”.d383d0b5cadc4919

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He was sick to 8d34bfad1a his stomach, beads of b91812c34d cold sweat breaking out d4f3ed8b7c like boils. The man had an 93dad8c73d alarmed look on his ae16af3bdf face. His eyes 28c0b03413 and mouth c1437eeba4 were wide afc3520d44 open.5c01bb1ccdf1c228

“Did you just speak?”ad9eea1def03afb0

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His voice burst out, agitated. But it wasn’t the answer he wanted, the promise from the man to return to this tiny universe of his, just eight steps wide and long. His throat felt sore.62abab8f881c81ba

“You just spoke, right? Right?”118af3425733e7da

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He seemed quite excited. The man’s voice, urging for an answer, seemed impatient. He was angry. Why is the 086f6accc0 man only focusing c5a8c41d3d on the fact c8b621ee79 that I’ve talked? Why did he c29ec46d60 not care about 0c2fa82835 what I said ef23380a36 at all?3e04c10b7ccafaba

Perhaps he was deliberately doing this because he didn’t want to promise it. The man must hate him. He wouldn’t let go even when the man told him to, and arbitrarily bit, sucked, and licked his fingers, so the man had grown to hate him.a4db4b0fa19e137f

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Fear overtook him. The remaining blood drained b9ceef212c completely from his body, 1bb5c448a1 which had already become 6afee487db pale from dizziness, nausea, cdf8619d17 and cold sweat pouring 61567879a5 like water. He opened his fa8d110b2a mouth with all 9b98850dc4 his might.7ae1318b42ecd845

“Will you come again?”13f7fb10e06e8653

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The man, who had been babbling frantically, “You spoke. You definitely spoke, right?”, finally fell silent. The excitement slowly faded. He asked again with all his strength. It hurt. His throat ached as if it had been stamped with a knife handle.37376f9048fbf015

“Will you come again?”b2500f59824dc1ed

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A long silence passed. He had experienced every kind of pain. Abrasions, bruises, stab wounds, incisions, lacerations… he knew all about surgical pain and was equally well-versed in medical pain. But this was the first time silence had hurt.e9e299f9ff7bbe7b

He thought 522aeb449a about which 41b264a52b of the 5919ea2be5 abrasions, bruises, a9b0d5e2da stab wounds, 3ae8ce19ea incisions, or 2ed4e41246 lacerations the 32f8c5d3bd silence felt 7acb849389 like, but dfe1f609de he had 80e370955a no answer. He decided to bc1416c92d think of it 3e9cc407dd as a new e435cf9e0b kind of pain. Perhaps, contrary to afad82966f what he had ad4674ce46 thought, the man a301f2bc17 might not be e506a79d46 something painless. He might be 2d14b2af64 something that hurt, 6221298270 but in a 3b787034f7 way he had 037a49d7ba never known before.6a7bf86a6e3c8544

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“Yes.”d08099437417a8c6

The man answered. Fear made 53405b2a51 him be fd72794617 on the d0a09fe404 verge of cde1c284a9 unconsciousness.76eefa3995d28129

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“I’ll do it.”ab8e6b6d042e52de

A faint smile appeared on the man’s lips. He felt his knees give way. Fortunately, he was sitting; if he had been standing, he would have collapsed. He was glad he couldn’t stand because of his broken leg.ab59d087b9fbc1cc

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