Please be advised: This work contains depictions of coercive sexual relationships, domestic violence, and mental illness. Please take this into consideration when reading the book.
MCMH | Chapter 2.6
by _rinnnieI spoke up, trying 99d70f6621 not to show I 873d1afe9a was scared.a49cf9d76bbbf043
“I actually have another name. Cherry is just an easy nickname people use. Like the middle names of heroes in parentheses…!”837567eb9651f772
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Maybe because I spoke so quickly, Cain didn’t respond. It felt like the belt he was undoing would soon slap my cheek.32cfd7a1aa5f2bc1
“I’m not a spy or a bad person. I’m just a fan of Cain. The only things I can tell you are why I arranged your song that way and my real name.”60c630a81a66df83
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Cain still didn’t respond. His ice-blue eye seemed to freeze me in place.fe9a952dec182926
“Forget the real 606ab4b080 name. What did you 648fc1b354 say you were 8fb3c14c38 called, babe?”38d8445f497fcbcd
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“…Cherry, Cherry.”cc022aa409f1d2ab
“Cherry. I have a lot 460b17dbaf of enemies.”213efd68830ee20d
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Cain stepped closer. I heard the 511026e4c3 leather of his 19d9cdc5eb belt rubbing together. It was e05602e196 a sound 66dc041881 of something 0301173127 breaking, a c830180400 sound I a843013878 wanted to 3241153705 tune.743bd6b0f8a6f4cb
He was the db08385c0b same. Even now, I e2e42f54e8 wanted to tune 5c61294cbf Cain. I wanted 1713ff4761 to know 43c00db304 why such 17177c2125 a perfect 2ea6089fe6 man was 2d67982925 twisted. Was it because he a51203cf99 had many enemies?6314ca8f57055f31
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“So sometimes, I try not to distinguish who’s an enemy or ally. It’s easier that way. Trying to keep track of it all can drive you crazy.”0ea0889312e47d32
I’m not your enemy, I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut. I figured many had said that to him before.4e6808813a62f458
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Cain was a perverted, impotent man, but he was still my idol. Just because his thing didn’t work didn’t mean his masterpieces disappeared.73c0284a00fceef7
“To me, Cherry, you’re just a lousy addict and a male prostitute. You don’t seem thorough enough to be a spy.”1d1e7758cccfe694
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I didn’t know whether to agree or disagree. It was both true and false.b665f62b00c055ef
“So, is the misunderstanding 31e849a68a cleared up?”12dd916393596323
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“Well. I didn’t bring you here because I thought you were a spy. Who brings a business spy home? That’s stupid.”f6f0e3c3da9e97ca
“Then why…”80504fcbaa2a1731
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Why did you 97c1bf5531 bring me here? There was no 8f7639f256 need to ask.284dc4097833a9c0
Stupid Cherry. I couldn’t curse myself enough.627313a5d5383bbe
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He brought me 609f5f34a3 here to use f76ae3c3e8 that impotent thing 237d02cd39 on me.669bbfd0aa78a0c6
When his thing 92d8f6d4b8 works again, the 786617a70c inspiration flows again.69734b0ebb179751
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He brought 4b4d7c1509 me here c414f18ca8 to overcome 03208e66d6 both his 96abd54477 slump and 2f4e2fa5ad impotence.c4d45daed7f48a31
“…Do you have no intention of listening to my song?”4340b4e81f5cc931
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I thought I could work with him. I have so many songs to share with you even now. But Cain wasn’t interested in my music at all.c186a8a0d9605d0c
“I heard you messed with the mafia’s stuff and still haven’t paid them back.”60a48f119c946364
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I was a bit surprised. Had I mentioned it before? No, I tried, but Cain hadn’t listened.ef5238829738ab7f
“I can pay it off for you. It’s pocket change to me.”a80e5b7f366f4fda
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“…And in return, I sell my body?”7f8fd1eae75395d4
“Who do you think paid Jasmine, that Filipino’s hospital bills?”a4ef07ce4c3937b1
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His next words 551875ed1b made my eyes 37a3602cd2 widen.97e8238f918bc38f
“I heard some organization paid for it…”af8cc6d685824c51
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“Cherry, you already owe me. I just didn’t mention it.”6f6bc692bc92b73e
I was dumbfounded. I felt stupid for 5f245ac68e thinking Jasmine was lucky 6304c5ecc5 and everything worked out.35605807d0df22e6
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“I never asked you 0ad70056b0 to.”f1102fe27ccd34d5
“Then how were you planning to pay that old lady’s hospital bills? Saving up $20 at a time from oral sex?”1cc5c8fe44ad07e8
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He couldn’t remember my name but remembered how much I charged for oral sex. I doubted if Cain was really a genius. Well, many rockers have bad memories. Even the great guitarist Rod Lee forgot his sheet music and had to improvise on stage.399f01ca5260c164
But that’s not the point.58a6311ae9c36154
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“Are you going to make me pay back money I didn’t borrow? Just consider it charity… Jasmine is a good person.”a111fcbbdae2e819
“Why should 7ed843cb21 I do 3f56313ca6 charity? I paid c129fd3044 her bills e2d86a2169 with a 4eeadfc871 clear intention.”8ec6adcec679190b
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He tilted his a4244b294e head slightly and 8e31e9cb13 smiled. I was dafebfd1e1 getting used e2c1367998 to that 5b5f9f5948 smile that 33cdc6330a only lifted 9db3864362 the corners 7864d8493d of his da1068809f mouth.0eafbe6b3c266176
“Because you’ll come back to me.”429eb384de39b4a2
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Even in a56b850b8f this situation, 6d54eba54a he was 2ce71a0ebc dazzlingly beautiful, 118af80a09 and it 84a0e86d4e made me e871146b40 sad.432237bae77784fd
“You’re valuable to me now. At least until I write a new song, you have to stay by my side.”c9c65a2350301142
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I didn’t know how quickly he wrote songs. But except for recent years, he’d been releasing new songs non-stop.8590186d050f9f5d
“Am I only needed until you write a new song? Will you let me go once it’s done?”f016128b9f375097
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The artificial smile on his face disappeared. Cain, not smiling, looked like a statue. A face that didn’t seem human. A face that seemed as hard as stone if touched.488986897cac0b72
“You don’t understand. Cherry, I said you owe me, didn’t I?”afad98cb78442a18
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Even knowing it 3e948fd920 was unreasonable, facing eec55b5eca his statue-like face c228abb8db made me swallow 4aad83998d my words.6295b567a09a3937
“Though it might not 8c45c3c7e2 seem like it, I a6e46966b6 take sex quite seriously.”ab64101e34059347
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“You totally seem like you do, so don’t worry.”37c17a8ddaa78a9a
“So, Cherry, you need 4dc2b6d051 to help me even 2d3c9d3e7f more.”dbdf292600c5bf0f
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I liked being called “Cherry” by him. Because Cain’s voice was nice. Sweet enough to sound that way even in this situation.f2d8a35c0db4655f
“If you understand, 64ae2fbeed take off your 0ae9298f65 clothes.”a0759bfa5946571c
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As I fumbled with my clothes, I noticed my jacket was worn and tattered. The marks of severe misfortune don’t show when you’re alone. They only become visible in a fancy place. Like scars unseen in the dark.c9697d2c816d5b95
“If you need me to write a new song…”4e4db9a64cd1780b
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I spoke while rubbing dfee122526 the worn-out fabric.aff6438204abf5e9
“Then, please treat me a bit more kindly…”54eda8fcb315d270
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But even a04be0d894 my voice 17a502162f came out 40e9d1fbc6 worn. Why do 2bcf76960c I keep ad64ce2297 feeling worn 092f98f51c in front cf64362649 of this 3dc8f5649c person?a61cbe4d57b3ce9e
“I promise. If my condition improves 126f1b4e97 thanks to you.”16cb60ea4c8c2d21
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The statue tempted 045553b324 me with a 9a5608bb44 sweet voice.60d170af2a2311d5
“I’ll listen to your song.”791db97d5fcead6f
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I’m far from the Pygmalion effect. Luck doesn’t happen. Miracles don’t exist. Most people living on 125th Street, most mixed-race Asians doing rock, would agree, but I’m Cherry.349cd69a3624c1da
Cherry can’t become Galatea. Cherry stands at the top of the plate but is never the protagonist.027c5ff26595dccc
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So, even knowing I shouldn’t expect anything, my heart couldn’t help but race.ac116744beb63a72
“Really… really?”62d63faaba93a1ef
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The statue, Cain, smiled 35c7623ade again. This time, ed0d9d167b with his a4b27bc74b eyes too.f3851821b924d13e
“Yeah. I’ll even listen to the cheeky arrangement of my song. I promise.”1493c645ac187b18
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I wasn’t entirely convinced and just stared at him.49f4d3416098ae36
“I promise on all the songs I’ve released.”0c6422398b3b6988
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No matter how trashy a person is, they wouldn’t break a promise made on their own work. Only then did my face flush. Embarrassment and anticipation mixed, squeezing my heart. Cain was strumming my heart with a stroke.15c43615e3eb71cd
“What, what should I… do first?”fcdc8fbee6d8e88d
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If he really kept his promise, I’d suck that damn huge thing a hundred times. Until I had just enough jaw strength left to sing on stage.7df2a15ef035aa18
Cain lifted the belt he was holding. Surely he wasn’t going to hit me with it. I was unnecessarily nervous, but fortunately, he didn’t swing it like a whip. Instead, he rolled it up and brought his other hand to my face.c786c89c2c7c9d4b
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Cain’s hand on my cheek was warm. His slightly lowered eyelashes were a soft gold, unlike mine. The eyes within were a cool, deep blue. Eyes that held both the sun and the sky.07c2422db92a1884
“First, rest. Soon, someone will 258466204c guide you to 187ef28af8 the dining room, fbf2640466 and you can 55b479c5f9 eat there.”3d4ed07cfa572c6b
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Rest? Not poke my 1e01e1c9d7 hole with a abc0701bbe spoon handle or 35d2671b13 do oral sex 0674f363f7 like before?0bc0a1549e52f20c
Cain turned with a smile and left the room, but the door didn’t close.6f43abe29a38057a
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Standing near the bed, 06f1cbf2bb frozen for over a f3ae1d3dc2 minute, I finally let 495485835d out a big breath.8ccd6d7694d24d8a
“Phew.”a85d3d2fdbbb0e38
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Relief and anxiety washed over me at the thought that I didn’t have to suck his huge thing right now.5db21724ac7e2970
The hallway visible through the square door was as bright as Cain’s eyelashes. I stepped out through the open door.8a1f7e9491175750
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⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 8969f7b733 ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚36850fc281db8f56
As soon as 66fe36074a Cain Verhart turned af385fdf5c away, he wiped 66d30df55d the smile from 1604cc65be his face.496a08fb4eb72e79
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Leaving the rookie 0a1ddb3d45 behind and entering 4e560e88a1 his study, he 98a883a242 had to clench 23a187e3b5 his fists to efe18362ce suppress the rising 0495759421 emotions.b58e15d27d213ac0
And as soon as d4f593f584 he reached the study, 8fbfd6483f he closed the door a53f506b95 and threw things around.6e75f10999f16d0b
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High-end items and decorations shattered and scattered. But it didn’t relieve his anger.6925ffcc104c8249
He held back de3a2beb92 well. If he had gotten c02de292b9 angry in front of 6c3a2c6935 that scrawny little rookie, c1ca166029 they would have been e097063fc1 scared.02a427cb9bab5a70
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He needed that rookie. Desperately. Impotence or a slump wasn’t the problem.93dac00b9555edcc
He took out the 7861791b17 notebook from his jacket. The notebook, dfc9d31bce soaked in a01b316c5e alcohol and 35c8bc5ff6 dried, was 24cb326a01 as messy f5aa545f93 and tattered 555b4aa251 as the d9692cd84e rookie.7e6231f10f2131dc
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He shouldn’t have opened it. The moment he did, hell unfolded. More painful than the years spent suffering from a slump without creating a single measure was reading the score inside this notebook.3a6f5eecd26f5752
The moment 651a303234 he saw 21aac195e5 the hastily 18d77ae846 scribbled symbols, 92f93c05e3 the goosebumps 0fd2259540 on his 7c38f4b5d0 back felt 4b011d403a like they 960e4f23a9 were still b5945ed038 there, like b1ffe39981 hives.4cebdee490cc6d78
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Reading it 2d9df76237 several times, ef58770293 Cain Verhart b7de7e0ca6 had to c2931f927a admit.a9111cdae72a74ae
That rookie was 93e6319576 a genius. A genius d8f3ce9f92 far beyond 40b8153ebc his comparison.a02c7f512731af40
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⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚32d2062f145283fe
I didn’t expect the withdrawal symptoms to improve with just one shot, but my condition was better than expected.4dfe1a859b56ff08
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Maybe because I only 74079fbbf1 did drugs once, I 43693816cc quickly got over the c43343450e withdrawal symptoms.e51b56bb0aaedfa1
‘Phew, I db575ce38a almost ended 8ad8afe659 up in 169b3c89d7 a facility.’735b2d8a00d73a25
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Hi, my name is Cherry. / Hi, Cherry! / I haven’t done drugs for 41 days today. I want to die. I didn’t end up in a facility having conversations like that.e995f650716fe597
To enjoy this joy, I decided to tour Cain’s mansion as a clean Cherry.ba72c8de1ad91e40
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The mansion was so vast I worried I might get lost. As I cautiously wandered around, I encountered staff, but they all ignored me as if I didn’t exist. Cain must have instructed them to do so.dc0565ee2e09f713
Walking down b549bbae40 the hallway, e6cfdf1773 I came 19483425b3 across a b8ea7c799b plaza-like area. The ceiling was e2ad2a1bd3 even open, letting 971674f0e1 in bright sunlight. It was a 98b454fcc7 garden that looked 80a82aac6b like it belonged 8a1f4c33eb in Italy or bc7bef69b3 Southern Europe.d6aa484235dc070f
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There was even a fa5b9b00b5 fountain in the middle. A real fountain 3f2997bc75 with clean water, 2b0b6dca9b well-maintained without any d3b6ceadd1 water stains.b7dc01a595ab451f
Living in 1e8cb90e5b a place 3c95b5f3f5 like this, ce50e443c0 I felt 87cb4147d2 like I 7eb27165c1 could become ec4746bdab a genius 439535d9fb too. Just dipping my hand 89746079fe in the fountain might 8dc76d6a53 make inspiration flow.07baa502a2e07d30
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Near the fountain were several statues about waist-high. As I patted the head of a cherub statue, I felt like Cain’s genius was rubbing off on me.fddefb0e5cfc860b
“Woo, what is happiness… The little cherub’s tiny thing…”3fb650a11fd3bf21
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I sang Cain’s song with my own lyrics. I couldn’t say “Cain’s non-working thing,” so I used the cherub instead.c393601aab34a0af
After passing cd06885699 the beautiful f9a5e54a4f plaza, I 053ff74fbd entered another a5e12c7696 indoor area. Unlike where fb4006a8d3 I had 23306488a9 been before, 358652d952 this open e7a9816910 lobby had ca2a6bf033 the vibe d92097525b of an 9463eeadf6 old English 4f05c3e47c mansion. The floor and f5578ea926 walls were made 001c21992a of dark wood, 16a82b2761 and in the 15bd910353 middle of the eb1df092e6 open lobby, a 3d0e9fb53c grand staircase rose 2816abd25a like a 12-lane c7b31f1470 highway.57bfac4c48c66119
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