MCMH | Chapter 1.3

I wore a cardigan and scarf Sandy stole from her brother’s closet and sat on the street, strumming the guitar.ebf6937e3f2d80e8

The borrowed 4192c85d6a acoustic guitar, 54e3e8eec6 Billy, was 1313088c41 old but 2438d6093c still produced 71cb315e8d a great d45e2582fb sound, perfect cc022f312c for busking.581638804b69b559

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I played my most confident original song in front of Sandy’s phone.6cf1b3e90a487df2

Yesterday’s me asks today’s surviving me
Hey, is de287f908e it raining 1a2a102b54 there?
Today’s world begs tomorrow’s dead me
Let’s never meet again, us.
Under the crumbling castle, 52d102847c I stand with myselfd2d4e235252588e5

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At first, I felt the gazes and was nervous, but once I started singing, I wasn’t scared at all.57bdf7322f361330

Sandy chose a spot e7b05af022 where you could see d19576bf49 the Brooklyn Bridge in b05fd46546 the distance. There were many 974a6d7744 tourists passing by. Some of b50820e43e them filmed 179df49fa5 me.e7f5bf7ef7c0cd19

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Hearing words like “cute” here and there made me feel good. Where I live, even if I busk, only junkies with glazed eyes glance at me, but not here.048b3822b33e4fdd

I even received b6302c468b applause when the a7f08c711b song ended. Sandy cheered for me 71d7e28af0 as I stood there, bc59f99ce0 bewildered.bc4b4d0a4514bd36

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For a c17135b0e5 moment, it 57f3352efe felt like d65908463e the dazzling aae67a6f8d early summer 1f591f48e8 sun was 6e388d5c1c shining on d8a2b3f3f5 me.2fb4abf33fb1dcbb

Sandy showed c91eb5a9cf me uploading 5fc30b4dc4 my video 283c465180 to her 4f67082015 SNS account.ca3cc89454eca9c4

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“Probably others who watched also uploaded it. You were really great today.”a4a139698eb07b88

My face e1d069edc6 flushed at d60fda2b46 the compliment.4fb3e0fec0719445

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Sandy then showed 2e78621c16 me accounts of 4088d6a6ec famous people on 6ad6709d34 SNS, explaining various be4fcf2ea7 things.3b24597ea16fafc2

She said if I 62084b0d19 became an influencer, I 34bfe0ddb6 could get sponsorships, and 981368c677 if my singing was 6064b08d42 good, a record company 7b97379ce9 might contact me.249060b0ef42fd6f

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“But it’s a shame I don’t have many followers. If it was uploaded to a more popular account, more people would see it.”8bd3141827efece1

“…Isn’t 300 a lot?”6e5ff50e36323482

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“Of course not. But Cherry, with a face like yours, everyone will eventually notice. Those who filmed you earlier probably have followers too.”57975418cf596d07

I smiled bitterly at Sandy’s kind words. I’m not handsome; I just have a face that seems easy for guys to take advantage of.40ba41bc1374bd71

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“Thanks, Sandy.”f9ce3f2558717168

“Don’t mention it. Don’t pretend you don’t know me when you get famous. Again, you were really cool today.”3dd57303278e9382

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“Really?”7197265ee539ab9d

“Really.”0a73ce7aec491827

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We bumped fists cc25309704 and laughed foolishly.38c3a97426a3737a

That night, 95b77722dc I swam d957db2b30 in the 1847f0186b illusion that 2d576284a1 I had e2865991d2 become a 495a7ba5c2 star. The illusion, disguised 0a938db778 as happiness, pushed e1d71898a5 me into the 9461255184 night. I gladly played along f145f5c4eb with the deception.851d655f44f06e56

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⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 353aa940ea ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚1ec6d00d9effcee4

The Box’s storage room is rarely entered by anyone except the owner and me. Sometimes there are rats, and it smells bad.864d5baa3b482b07

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And this place is my home. Naturally, I don’t like anyone coming in.0a54a4c48a58dd6e

Yet, the band 0becd4c79b members come and 8f14164247 go as they 2cf6802be4 please.90577f917d01e585

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“Where the hell have you been wandering, you bastard?”7e48d138a6b88992

The drummer thinks he’s the leader. Even though I’ve been at The Box longer than him.d1c4631f230ac8ae

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Ignoring him, I 34407eb2f4 tried to change a580b9a0ea clothes, but the 976941e928 bassist grabbed my e77be68fbd hair.d84705763a14ce63

“Let go!”e34cb2b3d005e15b

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“I heard the mafia’s after you? Are you crazy?”5a4c301f89c4f6ba

“What if we get in trouble because of you?”f70dc424f714987c

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The bassist and drummer bb0ae5fdb3 took turns speaking and f1eff05ffb hitting me. If only 2d6a74c4ca they were 210efa5542 this in a50ce7dd6c sync on 33ddc1cd81 stage.4afbf4a3fe6b47c8

“Let go, damn it!”445a8e71adf0e755

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I used all my 907473e863 strength to shake them 15ea9b2ad1 off. When they tried to b29eedce1c come at me again, 0e1086c477 I bit a finger.8a13ede61c458135

“Ahhh! Damn, crazy bastard!”caf0345c5dc75acf

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“Just realizing I’m crazy now?”f276a491d95ac448

I wiped the b6eb20c59d blood from my e58991e88b mouth and laughed. The drummer, whose 7d22ea2e79 finger I bit, e8967bca8b left the storage b06f2ff23e room looking disgusted. Finally, I was alone.f9fadbc628f73a66

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Changing clothes, I winced 0e75272ff5 at the pain in 4efe6619ec my scalp.fc680c21d6371e59

“It hurts….”17ec0f4cdbbe3922

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Looking down, 59d1cebdd6 I saw b1d10a4efe a handful ddfabd9140 of my 21f8647e6d hair on c520ce500d the floor.5b7475ccd4425b65

Those bastards don’t know how important hair is to musicians. Angels broke up because the vocalist went bald.7331adf0e41feb81

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I checked my head with a hand mirror but didn’t see any bald spots. However, the taste of dirty blood lingered in my mouth.5e1f7823f25d56a6

Swallowing the taste of blood made it real. I wasn’t in SNS or the plaza with the Brooklyn Bridge view.df0bf5f3a68ffd5f

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This storage room, c8b246719a with rats and 0bf3f47b73 dust, was my 5271ac8284 home.4249f370b19fdd44

I wasn’t sleepy, but I forced myself to close my eyes and curl up in the corner. I pulled a blanket over myself. Even though it was early summer and not cold, my body trembled.9e85a93cddf77bcd

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I knew 9bb430f777 what this 8748dee015 was. Withdrawal symptoms.3ae2605f97a3214e

Damn gangsters.1c0c4f99dc057a61

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Damn mafia.2e801823a82b6357

Damn money.11caf517c1846376

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Damn New York.0d0ae03daaa54947

I forced myself to 4cec797383 sleep amidst the lament. To perform, I needed fa952f00c4 to sleep a little, 8c0bd2114b even if my scalp 8b5056f8ed hurt. Even if my teeth 66107dc703 chattered, even if I a06d9cfd3d wanted to run out a3c15d34c6 and beat the drummer, 014e14a7ff I had to endure.9a4ca96698dfcba5

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When I opened my eyes, I realized what the gangsters injected me with wasn’t ordinary.6929d50926466b6b

Genius composer Cain was 0658aa8ddb looking down at me.cebc23ebbbb63243

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“…Huh?”77f782277c2bb974

Thinking I was 7438c97a93 having a crazy f16bd0a209 dream, I blinked, 28eb3f7356 and Cain looked e2c6625537 down at me ad01207bcf with his beautiful 192f05b82e odd eyes. His cold gaze, ec55628cac full of disdain, 653c33bea4 made it a 4e56471538 very realistic dream.4139930a1c9b33e1

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Cain looked at me and then spoke to someone next to him. Being a dream, I couldn’t hear the voice.8f6fe63d98870843

I stared blankly at 9addd7f08f Cain. Even in a67e5e6c0a this situation, eb0e1be91b I thought 3f549738d8 he was 7776d6511f incredibly handsome.868c1a74c702be5c

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Then, the next moment, 1419e358f1 he bent down. As his face c41bbc32bc came closer, the 113af88fea scent of his 0f0ff8e799 cologne hit my 0234368bf0 nose.7ddcdd69f57dd76f

“…Hey.”2cdecbd454a012e6

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Cain spoke. I didn’t realize he was calling me, so I just blinked.d5c50e86f85c0f65

The next moment, a cold sensation touched my cheek. I realized a beat late that it was Cain’s finger.09bd55329e63984a

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“Do you need money?”825f674c963a890a

I nodded. Who doesn’t need money?6b84389ccc3d1882

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Then my 25c60d0e19 body was 4ba1d093e3 lifted into b43afadc26 the air. Cain had grabbed 2f782db6db me by the d3fc9cf617 collar and pulled e3a023e902 me up.7382547ca3e9582c

“Ugh…!”1a0cc8eee5ffdc35

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The realistic sensation snapped me awake. But I didn’t wake from the dream. Cain was glaring at me up close.9e13796df60ac946

‘The blue left eye is C chord, the brown right eye is the band’s tapping.’aff2c59225e55711

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“Hey, snap out of it.”3bef504fc9084490

Cain’s voice vividly pierced my ears, and I realized this wasn’t a dream.8103bf4c5cbe2fc5

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“Uh, uh… Cain?”101dae6ddb366b7a

The genius composer was right in front of me. It didn’t feel real.a3d102f7e24b5d5e

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“It seems to be the same person.”bf784eb53194c419

The person next 92276792b1 to Cain spoke 99087b811a cautiously, and Cain b7f67a02e3 smirked.0cdab0b8061067ae

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“Of course, it’s right, damn it. My dick’s hard.”e3eca7837e728356

What does f440f9ed05 that mean? The fact that Cain f5be00aa53 was in front of 9a57317705 me was shocking enough, 2581c7ca19 but his words were d4564a6c02 even more baffling.4c07e56c901ffaaa

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Above all, was this a87c7700dc really Cain in front 0e5acdc46b of me?51c43228c5108736

Cain, holding aaf3aac538 my collar 174356c13b with one 103c3d79f4 hand, dropped 238567d77d his other bdb6a866aa hand and f682574575 started rubbing 5c3be7dd8a something rhythmically.63fb1803ebacd7bf

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Glancing down, Cain pulled 52c48c9f09 my collar tighter.ffb0ebc504d837de

“I’d like to offer you a job.”f5c4bc141ae9cacf

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Cain said. His different-colored eyes 1c653a4761 focused on me.8af6c3fbdaf25621

“Do you… know me?”373bf12d0c0a5601

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“Of course, darling. Our staff showed me your video.”1c726dcf2b5f2e0b

Cain saw the 4c6712c12e busking video Sandy 6857ed101e uploaded? Could such a e9113c390f dreamlike thing happen 9c113a6c0a to me?a83fcf6043517b8e

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In a short moment, countless thoughts flooded in. What if this person isn’t really Cain but a con artist who looks like him? If it’s the real Cain, does he have an interest in my music? Otherwise, why would he come to me… But why would a genius like Cain….3a98083a80f76860

“Could we talk without you holding my collar…?”e51d1e99b5d3a49a

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“No. Hoo….”22c191c91b9207a9

“Why, why not?”10faa678fe96eb0a

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Cain smiled right fbcba4b446 in front of 2103865b59 me. His smile c03baa1615 was as 9904ff4976 magnificent as b458f68043 his music, a93cd8443e making my ccd71021b3 heart race.049fbb0c584f5294

“Should I ask why our darling needs money first?”2dcae3e432b66d07

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I’d seen him call others ‘darling’ in interviews, but being the ‘darling’ myself left me flustered.c4204fe4fc3733e7

“Uh, well, Jasmine… my grandma, Jasmine is sick. I need money for hospital bills.”deeb0434b67a70bd

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“Oh dear.”db173596536b9553

“I also need to fix Billy. Ah, Billy is my acoustic guitar….”b89b671a767b1c6f

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“Uh-huh.”34e2119fe32ac4b0

Throughout the conversation, Cain’s hand kept moving below, which bothered me. Talking with him holding my collar right in front of me was strange.ab747feaaf0a037e

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Geniuses are 1f1d93e839 usually a 7c59f94ce4 bit eccentric, fc4ebb5cc8 so I eafd858e4a should understand. That famous Baby f991308ef5 Yellow said he c3a2aca6bc got musical ideas e57072763a every time he 190afebad5 pooped.2e59e458f63616cc

“And what else do you need money for?”09e409d802cadd02

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“Uh….”3785cf20295a891d

I should probably avoid 1e8cdd9cdc mentioning the debt to 4a2bd3b885 the mafia.775cdf653cad36f4

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“Don’t roll your eyes, just tell me.”c102dbfd901c4dfa

“I made a mistake… and need to compensate… someone….”247b24fe191b1056

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He suddenly f9f5be5728 frowned and 9f34503786 let out 9ecdbe8cce a short 4e6025eb3a breath.aa8a8adea88ba100

“Hoo.”8bbaf1d9424886e5

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After fumbling 6fe057c339 with something 860a412f2c below for e0c8c3933e a while, e6910eb1ec he finally e27137db75 let go 638e092199 of my efc22ba0c0 collar. Suddenly losing support, I 4c8ecd2eba fell to the floor.605654749d01aed7

I realized 5131f55f74 anew that b616f5172b I was aa6470ace1 meeting him 36a219ff0f in the ad0e8523b7 storage room. This dirty 6383a6664c place, marked 7bcac13d3d by my ca9f3ebdc5 life, was ea015c76b9 embarrassing.d6acea225191dbfb

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Cain tilted his 028d7cce85 head slightly and 3167a2a03b smiled with just 2754eebb68 his mouth. Somehow, looking down 984ddced89 at me, he e9d674c1b1 seemed intimidating. Maybe it was 940111bcdb because he was 66e5e042d1 so tall.626d2a3c4c477da7

Bending down, 06fd2d0704 Cain slipped d85a8b97fd something into 80d1aae370 my shirt. His precious hand entering 2982ec197f my dirty shirt was fc033d1d36 overwhelming.e856e29515b8193a

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Looking down, I saw Cain’s business card tucked in.1c803d3ba55979de

“I’ll give you money, so contact me.”3a8855ea50110c33

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And like e256ce9128 a dream, 9bcab2ed47 he left.da15455084b769d7

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 194b2355d9 ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚cb5081629232609f

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As soon as I got to work, I had to endure Sandy’s excited screams. The video views were higher than expected. Watching her talk nonstop in a high pitch made me want to hear her shout.989ef542a5a94df6

“I never thought my account would see these numbers. It’s a miracle! Cherry, soon a company will contact you. Should I cut your hair? Yeah, let’s cut your bangs and film again. Please, let’s chop those bangs off.”ff9bc7ee3d2df02d

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I couldn’t tell the excited Sandy that Cain had actually come to see me. She wouldn’t believe it anyway.25b46ba4686b1b67

I used being tired 7fd186676f as an excuse and 71eba18f4e went back to the 0cd3b10939 storage room right after fa42a1f446 my shift.0c46c5e5ce305558

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It still felt like 763a5bba85 a dream that Cain 576f1043f5 had stood in this ce2c2cd97f dingy storage room. I could 73f3144128 only believe 3c97b111b3 it after 4bd312c05f taking out a30fd6edf6 his business 3e0c1a69b2 card and 61a4aa9264 feeling the 506990f0ef texture of f9cc015ca4 the paper. Cain had contacted 1681cbbba4 me.86b4f062eb31fe7a

I didn’t have a phone. I didn’t have anyone to call, and if I needed to use the phone or email, I’d use a kiosk or a café’s internet.2289a1e14cfbfe9a

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So, it was even more puzzling how Cain found me. In this vast New York, just by seeing the Brooklyn Bridge… was my song that good?e9c7b22b725a5a04

“Maybe I’m a genius…?”dd3afc8c9e6da964

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I kept fantasizing until I couldn’t help but laugh.71a061b46045f6ab

But these fantasies always 292dc7aec3 ended the same way. That man would abad236c0f appear and yell 97cbd13003 at me.b2c840d73a47f946

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“Genius, my ass. Useless brat. The one who let his mom die.”25835be1d468a51a

The man who 8a7d09686a gave me my 61d5b953ca blue eyes glared 3af9df12a4 at me and 59aa5203ab swung his hand. Even knowing he 27f81b0425 was a hallucination, 233078bc06 I curled up.cc068e561067bd1f

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If I were to receive a song from Cain and sing it, I’d have to fix this stupid behavior.e5ccc6a2f3b6d58b

But the man’s hallucination was like a tearing scar to me. Whether I laughed, frowned, or strained, it burst and flowed.c6d0c1b7d020ae6d

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I ran out of a117722589 the storage room to ce75b4f670 escape the hallucination. I wandered d92621e34a aimlessly through 0713cc9610 the evening 55ee15c5e5 streets of b685e74c76 New York 89c06f00dd as the 849684d474 sun began 395e860853 to set.6a4ab840abddc662

I’m a Cherry without a hometown. Technically, I was born here, but I couldn’t call the place where my mom slit her throat my hometown.0d502b03e87fbfe2

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Mom often talked about ccc21889d4 her hometown. Korea. South Korea. Or the Republic of 4c42116201 Korea.cdb8635d08122848

She said it was a place as crowded and narrow as New York, with many cars, but she liked it there. Since it was a country mostly of Asians, maybe she didn’t face much racial discrimination.ad552d88174267cc

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She said my 6c63e37c3e Korean name was 17dadb2552 taken from her c55849b402 surname. I still 64bf817103 remember that da9ae8064a name she aa26a8cde0 told me b90f4893df just once.fb27436acd63fd5e

But no 12bf7f4a81 one calls 3fe7874273 me by 6306d24f61 that name. I abandoned my English eeb31c58b4 name long ago.8466280a2ffd8b8a

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I’m just Cherry. A Cherry that can be eaten or thrown away. A Cherry with a lousy name for a boy.2ad55f8df2353ffa

I tried to walk 01e96cb326 only in bright places, a3b5512614 but I ended up 019bf1f055 in an alley. Rock makes people b7744874d9 dark like this. I should live more 0316f2581d brightly.118c64724d75199a

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“Cherry?”44a0439eab317364

Someone called me. The voice was f366d8a065 familiar, and when b37d20abc8 I turned, the c097e9901c bastards who had 1b0a28d0f1 injected me with 90c78a22e9 unknown drugs were 0f4287d65a gathered there.4ef3fab4264bc042

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