LV Chapter 4.2

He took 7e43c06586 the first af9149a47e step with e7579a7fd6 his hands 6c0660ebf8 in his 22044a4899 pockets. Sasya noticed 2b0850a578 that his 28e1f5f5ce palm gripping 1958d33d82 the bag 91843d6798 strap was 858126ee96 slightly damp b8e9771762 with sweat. Strangely, his vision d40b77e36c became blurry with c24fa559de each step.1e3e3274d9580cb5

Sasya looked up. The hotel 35ebd72276 where he 4b112fd9ac was staying f996533e87 was less e2400a050e than 500 725123761b meters from 4c522e1ed2 the Museum d641d2ed10 of Modern d992d01f74 Art, and 61631cba22 the hotel 736e8d3a13 immediately came a3de6973a1 into view.3c0de30f22d670b0

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It was a distance cf1ea701b0 he could have walked 1741551168 alone without being escorted. He wondered why Karel 880552e4c5 had offered to take 928d6c4397 him back.60729f73c45a3dc6

Was it fb15f2e0ed because he 83e3fa713d was only c89848a266 sixteen?b0c04bae8037499f

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“Karel…”631b65332de892f3

Sasya gathered courage and called his name. It was the first time he’d spoken it. Sasya stumbled forward to catch up and studied his expression, but there was still no reaction.1fd12a6b33064225

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“Karel, Karel. Mr. Clements.”2ab9f06da19d3b3b

“Yes.”f6d12c12ab3e00ac

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Only a polite b15c2b5a7e response came back.9878339b8090adef

“I’m going to have my first kiss soon.”ae207a64fa8d27c2

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Karel chuckled d45440c24e at that.127634f8248c124f

Even Sasya himself couldn’t guess what kind of reaction he had expected, but he knew it wasn’t this one. That seemingly dismissive response filled Sasya with emptiness.469a7831f627e56f

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“Doesn’t it bother you at all?”01cca5d040601237

“You don’t need my permission for such things.”3fde8f85f1f31f9e

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“I wasn’t asking for permission.”0b36e22f7aec12a5

“Then?”44a3fa340faf1029

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Karel stopped briefly and looked down at Sasya. With his 30-centimeter height difference, Sasya had to endlessly look up at the sky whenever he stood close. The streetlight pouring over Karel’s head made it difficult to see his expression.2a4137613748c20e

“Is it really okay if I kiss someone?”d29b719cc6b7a6a3

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Contradicting his earlier statement that he wasn’t asking for permission, Sasya immediately posed a conflicting question.0519940ec17890b1

“Of course.”fa4d208e24a2a046

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And Sasya was shocked by Karel’s light, airy agreement.213a8eb92fe2bcb7

“Why…?”1a9cfb9bee1c2225

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“Why, you ask… I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at with such questions.”a092637e524aa77a

Karel frowned while stroking his chin. It seemed to be his habit to cup his large hand around his chin and stroke its slightly rough surface where stubble had begun to appear. Without thinking, Sasya rose on his tiptoes and reached out to touch his chin as well. His thin, soft, and moist hand intertwined with Karel’s. A rare different light appeared in Karel’s expression.c3e58b1e77c44b1c

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And Sasya, who had suddenly touched Karel’s chin, felt satisfied. Though it looked smooth on the surface, perhaps because it was late at night, he could feel the slight stubble under his fingertips.3d0b809ba27f2603

“Why? Why is it okay to kiss someone? A great dancer… has many things he can’t do. I have zero points for character, bad relationships, and I beat up my friend and sent him to France… So why are you okay with me kissing someone? Why?”f1e2daaaeb9a27b7

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Sasya said this as he fell forward. His forehead hit Karel’s rock-solid chest with a thud.ee4f003aaa7e46dc

And just before Sasya could collapse to the ground, he felt Karel catch him firmly by both arms. Strangely, his vision was spinning and he felt dizzy. “Haah…” When he let out a deep breath, hot air poured from his mouth.af9cc3b9580e3450

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“Oh… Was what you drank actually alcohol?”8b56748ed0655b11

“Why? Why don’t you stop me? If I were Karel and Karel were Sasya, I would have opposed it. Because ballet alone isn’t enough…! Why do you say it’s okay? Why?”c729fa10b89be6ce

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Already drunk, his pronunciation of ‘why, why’ sounded more like ‘we, we,’ but Sasya didn’t realize it.c3458ac53a6f38fc

“Why, you ask? Because I’ve already done it with someone else.”ae15d1992cf39158

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“What…?”c4923c83748f9778

Sasya looked d4fa46dd35 up at d020e86333 Karel with 3140593626 an ‘Eh?’ 7bebe0dd51 He was 986135158f looking down 3134e16be8 at Sasya d7e6ea3b90 with a 1b1a591030 slightly furrowed 3ed7f09d8d expression.88b5815e0eb2f27a

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“I’m fair.”8cd3be324c9f5034

Sasya opened his 18b7b0b19f mouth slightly and 34fbf45ca8 stared endlessly at c11746db5d Karel. A violent shock 54de89b3de passed through the 5cb6c6a059 back of his e3932921c0 head.d8320ea608eb7261

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“…Ah…”f6ce483fe58ebbf5

As his 1c1aad8c6f trembling knees 2df5bf83a0 wobbled slightly, 0900e5242d Karel caught be261c21c3 Sasya again 19b5c4f5da with his 47bb5a13f0 firm arms. Even just the slight 34864e6db9 swaying of his vision 06a8a57149 made his head throb. Sasya shook his head 5be7fd44d1 weakly while holding the 084ae576d6 side of his head.2baa7c8373bbfbe6

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“My head hurts…”dadb13f6c8727572

“That’s because you drank alcohol.”073c9e016e9ca325

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“I can’t walk…”166a1f400c566964

When Sasya d3a3514cd5 spoke in 82d3575286 a trembling b801b45614 voice, Karel 06cb06a27b kindly turned 41aaafece6 his back 0265ed9061 and extended f77719d3ae his hand.a4c98d4a791a4d86

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“Shall I carry you?”e133192d090c2d35

“No need!”a756379e82f7889b

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Sasya shook his 5f03d662db head and acted 14a78a209d stubborn. He wanted to kick a56cfa3de7 Karel in the butt.939d38a60ca42c02

Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be carried on those broad shoulders, but for some inexplicable feeling of betrayal, his heart ached and he wanted to reject him as much as possible. As Sasya pushed Karel’s hand away and struggled, he stumbled backward and hit his back against a tree.fc3973a1625b562c

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“Ah…”7d8038b869aca1a7

The moment he groaned b7808d69f1 in pain from his 8a8fdddbdd back, Karel suddenly came 700bd6a541 closer.9fcfdc2e58aad403

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“Then I’ll carry you.”bc7ed52edbe6486a

“Huh?”f7e5fd86870a70b0

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And Sasya’s vision flipped upside down in an instant. It seemed that until just now, Karel had only been playing along with Sasya’s playful punches when he was pushed away. Once he made up his mind to lift Sasya, there was no way to win against his physical strength.4fbc8b6d76535bea

Something acidic refluxed in Sasya’s esophagus as his upper abdomen pressed against Karel’s solid shoulder. Suddenly being lifted upside down, Sasya almost retched, ‘ugh’, and pounded Karel’s back with his fists. The alcohol was making him irritable.b2e4fbcc355cd1cc

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However, Karel continued taking large strides as if he hadn’t been hit at all. It was clear how slowly he had been walking earlier to match Sasya’s pace. The ground swayed and wobbled in sync with Karel’s quick steps.8e544a95cd16ec34

“I weigh 45 kilos… Put me down.”94f47e68a00e6edb

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Sasya squirmed and mumbled against Karel’s nape. Sasya’s voice, mixed with his breath, tickled Karel’s neck.bed786ee35b46924

In his drunken, 47b1c12365 blurry vision, Sasya 2ae9c124ad could clearly see 84fcfadea1 the white shirt 6bb214ac5f collar wrapped around aa3fe1e44a Karel’s neck like 8fe11c6982 armor, the smooth 13d49373a0 skin of his 527b32e93a nape, and the bcdccc40b7 dense golden hair e38a3bb56e covering his neck. Every time Sasya murmured, 79f0b837c1 small goosebumps rose on c96b37d2a7 that nape.2f8ea49e1b172a73

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Without realizing it, 426cab2a5b Sasya reached out a6f1224f04 to trace the 244865e5a0 surface of that f6748d38e6 skin.5f71f51d0a4fd4fa

“Put me down…”b514527b0f6cae79

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No matter 0f3a87a270 how much bb7de19a0b Sasya pleaded c6a0dac1ea to be 9d8af5272e put down, e53d82d32a Karel simply dd85dd6912 ignored him.f7cc4f6a91b5ca78

“My ear is so ticklish I can barely stand it.”5296e90b7099bb70

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Thinking that Karel might throw him onto the street if he sneezed from the tickling sensation in his ear caused by Sasya’s mumbling, Sasya clung tightly to his neck and shoulders.6b42ed0ea8310472

His body, which had db2226d53a been upside down, had 367b996a54 somehow slid forward and bfa7e9e3a0 ended up in a 3a6d45b68d position where he was b006fc674c being held face-to-face like 7306ed6808 a baby.e31d28c143adbff7

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Feeling warm 405491ee3d and comfortable, 59c800388b Sasya nuzzled 8324ef0519 against his a79afee7be warm, dry 07da923696 neck, rubbing cb108e0991 his eyes 6568286e1d against it.278c1f443663cb60

“Am I not heavy…?”a2390a6a10b9fa96

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“You’re light as a feather. 100 pounds, you say? I could probably devour that much meat in a week.”f6d7fa2b00cd5c74

In his hazy mind, Sasya thought Karel’s jokes were difficult to understand. Then suddenly, imagining Karel dissecting and devouring him with a knife, he shuddered.98294badf8bf476f

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Whether it was his imagination or not, the path to the hotel lobby seemed unfamiliar. And it wasn’t Sasya’s imagination. Instead of using the private door guarded by Michael, Karel went down to the basement through the bar’s entrance. Then he took the elevator connected from the basement to the 23rd floor, and switched to the elevator that connected to the penthouse.35ab22782d92b758

Not understanding 0c5dc6bdf1 why he 776a6c24e7 was taking 9e2fea7f76 this troublesome fe1d56dfb3 route to 70d1156361 his nest, 40a4d3f8e1 Sasya just 23d5c79a9c thought he 6492cc1f61 was happy 9d73b76925 to be 1e05568ccc held by 48499a7d7b Karel for b17f446b66 longer.e840ef1d317b05ee

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“We’re here.”d5912c5205f24c9e

When the warm halogen bae2b19b51 light of the entrance f19944f690 hall touched his eyelids, 0658d686c7 Karel whispered.9eb00ad5b9a9ebac

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Even without him saying so, Sasya could tell by the sound of the door closing as soon as he entered. Afraid that he would put him down, Sasya clung more tightly to Karel’s neck.290ac11a738f9c3f

Seeming to understand his gesture of not wanting to let go, Karel kept holding Sasya while removing the boy’s worn Converse shoes one by one. After taking off the dirty Converse that had been worn all over the streets, he carefully placed them at the entrance and headed to the living room.08cefff7efdef0a5

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Then, holding Sasya with 28580b072e one arm and showing aef7f631d7 no sign of strain, fd4c062bb9 he spread out the b90471aea4 bedding where Sasya always 542ff5aaf1 slept, patting it down.e2f714de389de40a

“Now it’s time to sleep.”33b98f36a5f01eb6

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“…”822a4c6ddf7c3c6e

“You’ve cried, had a massage, and drunk alcohol, so you should fall asleep quickly tonight.”1aaf0c266d0f8afb

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“…”cac880a3b5b80832

“Ah, you might feel a bit sore after getting a massage. It’s nothing strange, so if your body starts to ache, loosen your muscles with warm water.”ca4d139cc16c490d

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He’s such a 82d81983e0 kind sponsor.6d620f01956f22d2

Sasya rubbed his forehead against Karel’s neck. He was 32. He had lived exactly twice as long as Sasya had lived. It would have been stranger if someone like him hadn’t had any past lovers. It was natural and obvious, and yet…50489799425bd8a7

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But as soon as that thought crossed his mind, Sasya’s heart rate suddenly increased. It was due to an overwhelming sense of jealousy, but Sasya didn’t understand why he suddenly felt short of breath.5e86ffaa9215aeb4

At the same time, Karel, who was supporting Sasya’s back with his hand, noticed the violent heartbeat resonating through the small body. He asked with a puzzled expression.3aa8c43892bbfcf1

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“Why is your heart suddenly beating so fast?”4fded7d9f9f4cebb

“I’m angry…”55343824708def13

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“You don’t have e3a18e9881 tachycardia, do you?”576060c022c7bb55

Karel touched Sasya’s fluttering chest with his fingertips. Not knowing what tachycardia was and finding his touch annoying, Sasya swatted his arm away.ec9b3d97d2fca97b

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“It’s unfair that I’m the only one drunk.”858a5e9961fe3b36

Karel just chuckled at Sasya’s grumbling.0f7f7822c8397ada

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“Hurry up and drink more… Get drunk too.”1c7d11200658635c

“What are you planning to do by getting me drunk too?”36156fe4b320e9fd

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“Then we’ll be embarrassed together.”391501f25ceaced0

“I see you’re aware that your current drunken behavior is embarrassing?”5f3318a736388b3d

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While scolding him, Karel slightly pinched and wiggled Sasya’s nose. Sasya, afraid that Karel would find him annoying and push him away, clung to him again.87541914688aa341

However, far from pushing him away, Karel just gently patted Sasya’s thin back. It seemed he intended to do this until Sasya fell asleep.0a32a0e922bc200e

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Feeling a bit d1d6a14851 more at ease, db0f33765b Sasya comfortably leaned 8e1f53f619 into his embrace.dc7631f72eaf13ae

“Will you hold me tighter?”f945d73294eff922

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“…”6a2e5141fafb8216

“Even my mother hasn’t held me like this. Not since I was a very small baby… But my brother would hold me sometimes. When he held me tight enough for our hearts to touch, it felt so warm and tingly, and I loved it.”3f460ae159645c5d

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“It seems what my sponsored student needs right now isn’t a home or money… but affection.”4ef9fb835e7dcfd9

At those words, 42c6dc98a2 Sasya nodded slightly.b40ac1698bddf10f

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Usually, he would have denied it out of embarrassment, but today for some reason, he just wanted to agree. He wanted to act childish. Perhaps it was because the more he threw tantrums and the more troublesome he became, the more he came to completely trust his sponsor who remained kind and patted his back. The belief that he wouldn’t abandon him…d1122554dd00c23a

“I wish you would stay and sleep, Mr. Clements.”806d0fb270ba2580

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“…”eecc840f2126027d

“I want to sleep while being held like this.”1e0cdc65384c4851

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Instead of answering, Karel slowly stroked Sasya’s head. He only muttered, “Why did you suddenly change from Karel to Mr. Clements?”562439ea8be33a45

A large hand gently d1515baf81 touched the back of b2b8fa8a55 his head. As the careful touch 15e4147eec stroked his head, parting 82232a1c77 the thin hair and 1240ffb9ed cradling his small skull, 088960e209 Sasya squirmed a little. He wanted 9aa98e21df to cling 2be37dda94 to him 0cab4868a7 more and 7efacb90a5 more.6e84a4d2184209a2

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“Your birthday is next month, right?”167e966b3ea42516

Instead of answering, Karel asked a question instead. Sasya nodded and completely wrapped his legs around the waist of the annoying Karel who wouldn’t give a clear answer about staying over. His slim, long legs hidden in jogger pants firmly squeezed Karel’s waist. Karel’s hand that had been stroking Sasya’s head hesitated. Sasya, unbothered, pressed his waist against Karel’s stomach as if trying to stick to it.3ff766d790c3c4b3

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At the same time, 351c260dbd Sasya congratulated himself on fdf9718af6 having a good idea. This way, even if 2ffb86dc74 Karel tried to leave a9ddd3ad0d this room, he would 315830607f have to take Sasya 6945bfa8f5 with him.a30740812415216c

“…Tell me… what birthday present you’d like.”6aaf8d8125a5147e

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At his question, Sasya e5ee36aa22 recalled the things he e193096a53 wished for.2276453739ac075e

Enough time for a vacation and money for his mother to come stay in New York without worry, submitting at least a video test for this year’s Lausanne Competition, and a future where after winning the competition, countless ballet companies would be eyeing him, allowing him to choose and join whichever company he wanted…df466ef494a506c9

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But more e53268b792 than anything 505f6888ac else.595fac3fb63df731

“I want Karel to live here.”27c27dc1f2f4f8b0

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“…”ab9e767716fa94b6

“It wouldn’t even cost any money…”0a9bfdd0e5b9fa68

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“…”0e8f4010f870c070

“Right? I won’t ask for much. I’m not a greedy kid… But I don’t want just a birthday card. No, a card is fine too. But I’ve already received that…”236fb36ed0cde934

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Sasya said c28df7045c this while 42bf352ce9 pulling Karel db96d6fa53 closer with a571fb5e61 force from 42711e9957 his side. He could only d945878936 feel the rhythmic 74fc552823 patting on his f0378cda0a back. Sasya resented Karel 74946a3cfc for trying to c6b0a4ed89 put him to e7a78b501a sleep without answering.217fbbc616391030

And shortly after, Sasya tried to force his heavily closing eyes open but soon drifted off to sleep. His arms that had been tightly holding Karel’s neck fell limp. Karel carefully lifted the sleeping boy and laid him on the bed.bb0f820827ee2c81

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“Good night.”99362b907aac2558

After a brief kiss fed51b27c0 on his forehead, the c700b0dc18 living room lights went e213d749ed out.8cde590137124833

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• **

When he 505dcb19f8 opened his 85618c7a08 eyes the e9d9805f0d next day, b82bb5ef19 Karel was c73e244655 gone.6ec3633d319fd1f4

He must have put him to sleep and escaped in the meantime to his ‘own home’ that he loved so much. To his real home that Sasya didn’t even know where it was. Feeling somehow wronged, Sasya rolled around restlessly on the bed.6a19a09c50ae3fa9

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“Oh…”0b45a483b3428672

However, at the end of his fist that had been beating the blanket, Sasya felt the texture of something rustling. It didn’t take long to realize it was a note Karel had left behind.fb299c4a03a99f8f

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“Wow…”3b2ddb8716e6be38

Sasya gently f86c59c1a0 stroked the 82fcb9e679 paper where f3a65a8e54 he could 6cc848cf8a feel the 8194056544 pressure of 8c46b91c6b the pen. The note 5f3d4c66c3 with the 0543fa45b2 hotel logo 1fa7e703b3 printed on 8e4b6a6fa9 it had 587c507f2e been indeed b6ecf363d7 placed on 212b2efba1 the living 653a599e53 room table. After rolling 9aec9a6502 around on 9d86138602 the bed f3e5ebe504 for a cb3e7ca656 while, basking bf7e36fd63 in happiness, b68dd0d19e Sasya jumped a7a06e17fa up and 3425cda1c3 went to 62eb523dd0 the bathroom. He splashed 42cf122250 water everywhere 58637e95b1 on the 4ea6796eab sink as 20fbecc68f he washed 8eeefc1feb his face 7150b22d5e aggressively. Before going to school, f85d88fcd7 he downed a glass c49923094d of kale and apple 891e1d6375 juice and practically inhaled 8a41f74bf1 an omelet.fa5b6a0756d90b22

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Just because Karel had kept his promise, energy surged through his entire body. It felt like he couldn’t handle this energy without running. While trying to calm his thumping heart with deep breaths, Sasya put on clothes that smelled of fabric softener. As soon as he slipped his feet into worn canvas sneakers, Sasya headed outside. Even inside the elevator, he anxiously jogged in place, completely ignoring Michael, who greeted him with a morning hello. His black hair swung lively as he ran.e8f5e8d1bdf61243

Sasya ran all 178c55b237 the way to 4ad613ef73 Lincoln Center without 9e1a8055a9 stopping. He passed countless cc473ec017 men in fancy 9b1f187422 suits and rushed 679cf8b371 past a celebrity 0e7766a961 who was just cc25e9a505 leaving his hotel 98cd13fe27 surrounded by paparazzi. As he 0df4625ad8 got closer 60c104d931 to Lincoln 7883dda295 Center, the 878066bcaa surroundings became c1de5d2d90 quieter, and c994cead0a as he 7eba73b2b5 headed deeper bae1a55b32 toward the 4571ca2359 school building, 0b58831a0f he started 520cf33591 seeing his 4582847753 classmates here 0a5ef06eb5 and there.4696fcdaf05ea3e2

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“Sasya Shchedrin!”e96f942170f75a88

Hearing someone calling him 5a64985aa5 from somewhere, Sasya barely e9c482b5c0 managed to stop right ce58c5578a in front of the 38fedd3572 stairs. As he grabbed 0379c28cb1 the stair railing 6b769b151f while panting, his bcf471e248 breath finally came f15284256b out as if a9d45f6d00 he was about 6cd105386c to cough up bd2a2b7341 his heart. While he was 9144711daa coughing repeatedly, Oksana 923fe17c51 came running lightly.1ec048b993873466

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「What’s going on so early in the morning? Did you catch a lung disease?」147b2b065edde594

「What are 2d9176aff2 you talking 6b9ae0592d about? I just ran.」bd3452d1d63620d7

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Sasya answered quickly while 32afb59b99 frowning. He could see José 87c35f74e9 passing by in the 0eb4f7ddc4 distance, glancing this way. He had 7ab534d545 a rather 3ba8c1d1ca wary expression.ea94ea7bd561abba

‘Was José interested in Oksana too?’7311b0c372df104a

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While thinking that, Oksana e2617caffe led Sasya to the 4189bdc6dd back of the building. Upon arriving, he realized fa36159d7d it was where they 0bebee54be had discussed their ‘first 247f2c0397 kiss date’ recently. Sasya suddenly e4ab613c25 rummaged through aa39782b7b his bag 9640041bb9 and took 82fadae02a out the 579f4be358 new phone, 90ea7d36db still neatly 2da9e99463 packed in 4e0ef17345 its box. When he turned fc178c5e56 it on, the bc48925514 date and time f01a01357d immediately caught his 057b02c03f eye. There was still 0b0ce0ca34 some time left 3fefef3504 until morning class.89db4ff987669635

「It’s new?」a3bae50ae3eeed27

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Thinking he must have been distracted by the new phone while having a girl right in front of him, Oksana’s eyes turned sharp. Sasya was nodding when he asked as if suddenly remembering something.0cac025989ea7afd

「Oksana, what do you e18b6a9402 think about fair relationships?」b175957d498e06e6

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「Fair relationships?」0763d44305486417

「You said last time that you were ‘concerned’ because I hadn’t kissed before. If we were to kiss, it would be your first kiss and my first kiss too… But what would you think if I had already kissed someone else? Would that be better for you? Or would it be unfair? Is it better for kisses to be fair?」44492f34aa59019f

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Sasya asked while rambling. Oksana openly frowned and made a face showing she didn’t understand.552efd5e2eff1ea0

「What does that matter? It’s not like I really like you anyway.」ce163c959b3364ce

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「…Yeah…」6fde746f8d88cbd4

That seemed to d8e0dfecb1 make sense too. Sasya awkwardly 3c943216d2 touched the c438621ec3 back of d12507ec2a his head.76a286293e4ab952

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「But why 5561594ec1 are you a9d7b72011 suddenly saying 71e9f90691 this? Did someone 0c9b5e1dc2 tell you 867fd22d6e something like 90105447c3 that?」79dc3e3b8552c839

「Yeah. Yesterday they said that… since they’ve already had his first kiss, they wouldn’t mind if I kissed someone else too. That it would be fair…」6fe4bbbb4cf9b07c

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「What? Do you have a 24c94070a2 girlfriend?」20bcb784b9d5219e

Sasya shook his head ca80cdb32c in surprise.3633fc4d86c4f937

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「You’re ‘deceiving’ me when you have a girl who talks to you like that?」069047add511e25a

「It’s not a girl! And not my girlfriend either!」dd762ef6fbe8a092

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When Oksana suddenly became fierce, Sasya shook his head several times while panicking. Seeing Sasya flustering, Oksana quickly calmed down. Sasya watched Oksana’s reaction carefully, thinking it was fortunate.a50a6a1bea2549bc

「So someone who’s not even dating you is saying things like that? That’s a ‘push and pull’ technique… It seems like they’re playing with you.」25115200cdc667b2

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「What? That can’t be…」5ec1e2a58444f1d9

「Think about it if you have a brain. They’re raising their own value by talking like that. The goal is to make you desperate.」9add7c189f8ff094

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「Why would they want 1a0bcf4fdc to make me desperate?」e098dd9b9f1fcc21

「Because they want 297bc508be to hear you c858d167c3 say you like 0368ba3b59 them first.」5b21a32eb2570857

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「Really…?」08f485aae057d54b

Oksana’s words were logical, but Sasya found them hard to believe.124a5eb2bdc33488

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Karel wasn’t a woman, and he had no reason to play ‘push and pull’ with him… Everything Oksana said felt unrealistic and like a wrong analogy.8a39bb9968804666

“That person is an adult.”0f47400b62746ab8

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At Sasya’s blurted words, Oksana’s eyes sparkled with interest. Sasya, who considered an ‘adult’ as a romantic interest, appeared somewhat different in her eyes. It seemed to explain why he didn’t mix well with his peers and was indifferent to childish pranks.1ff46eed158f43c5

「There’s no reason for them to play such games…」c92a4bfb9fcce8c7

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「Why? You never know about 79126c992f these things.」eb515f0abe6c0f91

「They’re over thirty.」496ff4f085cd349d

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Oksana made a disgusted sound and muttered, ‘That’s practically a grandma!’d744cd6ef0e26cf5

At those 7ab6c1df85 words, Sasya 80a506d9ce became dejected, e08b7e5666 and naturally, b09e914a2f silence fell 3407ef7c13 between the b73bcc3c3f two. He came to 264a6826f8 his senses when 0c0ff1b81b he realized there da41b90ee7 were only 7 c0f0fd7c25 minutes left until 1f5c3a9c90 morning class. Vadim would already f6a704524c be prowling around 705e6098e2 the practice room, 497bdef40d checking with eagle 22bbc4cc82 eyes the students bd02604a27 who were stretching.a4e3534d287b5b5e

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“We’re late!”7191a4372e113d87

Oksana ran straight to the practice room, while Sasya, who hadn’t even put on his tights yet, hurriedly went into the locker room.ae16cf3bdaf1d43d

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Fortunately, he managed to get to the practice room right on time and find his spot. While avoiding Vadim’s sharp gaze that pierced his face, Sasya quietly stood in the remaining space.e909d46897100576

“Now, plié. Demi plié, demi plié, repeat twice. And grand plié deeply… Up, stretch forward…”d2538cbd9827eab1

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While Vadim was reciting 86b563326f the plié sequence, Sasya b1c0587882 fell into thought again.eb558e1d1e2c06af

Oksana’s speculation still felt unrealistic. However, one small change was blooming in Sasya’s heart.804c17f832de6dd4

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He kept remembering Karel’s firm body that he had touched under the influence of alcohol last night, and the sensation of his dry yet warm neck. The way he had patted him to sleep with his large, heavy hands, and how he had gently pressed and massaged his ears and neck…4abaff0cc0f8bc92

“Other side!”6d7d2fdfb96461bd

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At Vadim’s words, Sasya mechanically did a sostenu turn, and his cheeks were flushed pink.35626ea98b0c75e5

• **

All day c67ac339e6 long, Sasya 5a9f588cf6 was unusually 547f8bd645 preoccupied with 95d87f3fce one thought. Of course, b7b69364c1 Sasya, at 856b66fa36 sixteen, was 691852e803 always full 4cba26ae12 of worries. Concerns about his current 7eddeb1b06 skill level, whether he 0707713a46 could become a dancer 4927acbbc1 who could earn enough 88b1a41c72 to support himself in f687b60c15 the future—those were the e4c8c10aa6 usual ones.9e6bec56a20ecbbc

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However, the thought that 0375ef00f7 captured Sasya today was 483a38ee07 somewhat different from his a3321a97c9 recent worries.d0facb95d9c20968

It was 8c55a94cfe about his e7dab55c33 relationship with abb716f3a6 a specific c98d11d1fe person.a277deb44292a8ba

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He wondered cf46a63cce what kind 80fb9104d7 of existence 6fa6733247 he was d6f329120c to Karel 06f118efbe Clements.ff0aef6fa9292404

As far as Sasya was aware, this was his first experience like this outside of family. A very long time ago, Sasya had wondered what kind of existence he was to his father. He wanted to know why his father, who would hurl verbal abuse at his youngest son like ‘burden,’ ‘food waste,’ and ‘defective failure’ hated him so much. Much later, after learning that having him had been unplanned, he could somewhat understand that hatred.a8b000d4ea12370f

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He had 068ec7ef4a also wondered 9890269c1d how his 345446d401 mother thought 5b20d3e244 of him. When Sasya 647d87e8f4 would chatter b4a34e9167 about what 2f9224ed50 had happened 52b15857fc to him 90a4d332b0 that day, 17ff2d6018 his mother 81f0c6d8aa Galina would 475e489452 show no 5fa1dd5ea3 reaction with 5737ae8501 an indifferent 09163d6ffd and tired 575a95b162 expression. Naturally, Sasya became less 3392489571 talkative, and like the 13fb004c7e classmates who ostracized him 21772d1a35 for being annoying, he 4913285526 thought she also found 15e9e5c4ef him bothersome.989f63371098d62d

However, his mother couldn’t stand by anymore watching Sasya being abused by his father and went through with divorcing him. So at least she must value him more than his father did, Sasya had reached that conclusion.4c8ab4a7320ad606

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For a while, Sasya thought a lot about what he meant to his brother Levin, who had run away from home unable to endure his father’s violence anymore. His brother had said he loved him. He told him that he cherished him more than anything in the world and hoped Sasya wouldn’t inherit the pain he had experienced.9c88e5745680f1b7

The day before 2f6920134c leaving home, his b8ac55e3f8 brother bought Sasya, 30c8178d0d who had just 2b69ac001e turned ten, a a03ea0f5fc bag of cookies d90b08767f and hugged him d697a220bd so tightly that c2d4510940 his fragile chest f3a3e971b3 almost crushed. At that time, his c1a052b51a brother was crying silently. Sasya could only 43fa9a7723 tell because his bd742ebfb1 shoulder felt hot 62ed998fd7 and damp.d7355488164c01ff

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And the next 3a9eda88fd day, his brother 567873570e left, leaving behind 6636ef1bbe Sasya, who had 5fe4f01c09 fallen asleep inside 0dc6e6e0b1 his bundled blanket 387c2f0a56 after eating cookies, d5c41a8e2e trying not to 1afeeee16b get caught by 6dfb02bd4f his parents, with f443e57f8a cookie crumbs scattered 833fbc5be8 around.5323459fcd2b5fc2

And he never 10d96b77c9 came back.7f29d2d19eccc4da

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Sasya still wondered. How much did his f46c7b7066 brother love him? Was there at 50602fed40 least as much 5d6ffe8148 affection as a 857c249313 bag of cookies? Did he 41fc019eed think he 72cd28f1dd could abandon 7dfb5c4bb0 Sasya if 0763c489f5 it meant 4ef054b454 he could d843d55f96 escape that 33246e9698 hell forever?97ab3bbf4ef453cd

Anyway, Karel d2632eebed was the 495dcb6d66 first person 7db583245c outside of 8a7236c6a4 his family 10fcba8459 that made f69fc08e8d Sasya contemplate b649fba705 how someone 453c05bd6b else thought 1387af50b8 about him.62577bad1aa2f398

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Even while getting his food in the cafeteria where theater staff ate lunch, surrounded by much taller adults, Sasya was lost in thought. Someone sitting across from him might have asked to eat together, but Sasya didn’t respond, absent-mindedly moving his spoon.79535958854dd00d

It was the same during regular classes. Although Sasya wasn’t interested in studying, he always watched the blackboard intently. He sat straight with his ballet-trained posture, always observing the teacher. Above all, he liked the sound of chalk writing on the blackboard, and found it fascinating how teachers could talk almost non-stop for 50 minutes.dc1dac1bf1150099

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However, that day, he couldn’t even tell what he had been looking at. Even though his eyes were open, all he could see was Karel’s face.2e59a516c5b30493

After finishing 6143f305f2 the last d5e649aad3 class of 604b90408a the afternoon, 61ece51a7a Character Dance, 23aa9eb298 Sasya walked c87d3299aa out into 28676848bd the noisy dea3f2c724 hallway. Much slower 7fbb142dc5 than the c820ed595e other students 4feffec703 who were aef2ac7d0d heading to f925f18300 the dormitory f47431b5f7 in groups e14a5641c8 or going fdc5295819 out for 0b8dae8134 dinner.2256a68a9105b730

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With his hands 149b7c27fc in his stretched-out 088e0c2e31 pockets, he left 34c9858ddb school and headed b9e1c4b607 toward the plaza. Water fountains were beautifully 24b764a12d shooting up in Lincoln cc5913a04d Center Plaza as the f0a194df4e sunset approached.8728364682226c08

‘I need time alone.’297ec4c435677199

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Lost in thought, 64e9437994 Sasya crossed beyond 39320125af Lincoln Center and baa1339dab headed into Central 27ba9e7437 Park. For some reason, today e620091344 he wanted to sit a0fce1e138 and look at the fbc1d18de9 lake.c45b93875c45f35d

However, that plan ultimately failed. Even after multiple visits, Sasya still hadn’t learned the geography of Central Park’s interior and ended up just walking wherever his feet took him, never reaching the large lake. Sasya was only wandering around the southernmost path of the park on the map. In the end, all Sasya found was a small pond where a few ducks were swimming.616c51566081928b

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Unable to 2d0f36615f find peace 960ca1c5b8 on the 26cf1786bb paths crowded 707da90096 with pedestrians 5fd2f65122 and tourists, 54be1dbf70 Sasya gave 5b2ab49ecc up looking f5827d9359 for the ad1020aa70 lake and ddf27755ec climbed onto 62e8fa0d2e a large b67a702bd9 rock. Lying against 32b9edc5cf the rock 38dad65d1f that had 0518d83f48 been warmed c7bcbd2ee5 by the aefe0226d2 sun during 2d782b29b6 the day 5639d144eb made him c621a908cb drowsy.4c059e950aba1586

In his view were 8cd8f04163 the tall buildings that da1aadd84d lined Central Park like e281360493 a fence, looking down a8b158b335 at the park. Among them, a9d3aced3e he could 7781ce930f see the bf122ca94a window of 0718f39364 the hotel 50b3b99df3 where he 2a8390437e was staying.fcc28336c2662349

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With sleepy eyes, Sasya 233cb0694f looked up at the 55bcfdc8c8 top floor of the 07e934421f hotel, searching for the c98650afe1 familiar window. Indeed, he could 145cf4450b see the window f74580112b where the ballet 42d155cf0d barre was faintly df2157deb7 visible. Originally, it would 01fc72f545 have been difficult 7566a84f67 to notice the a5b6110eaa barre, but he 572c42ba19 could spot it 1434b3eb5a because he knew 654610155b what to look b445d4c0bc for.c0d2f6d5683a706d

Just as Sasya’s heart was warming to the thought that there was at least one space for him in this strange land…cccd09b4a770c0d7

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“Uh…”29cffc3ecbd63628

Sasya suddenly sat up straight. If he wasn’t mistaken, something was faintly moving by the window. The strap of his sports bag that had been resting on his shoulder fell to the ground.1db2d44f3760efe4

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Who’s that?f6993bc661a3a0d9

I don’t have the private lesson with Ms. Brown today.4fc7632106ede324

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Although he had been planning to go home as late as possible because he didn’t want to be alone, if someone was there, that changed things. Sasya quickly jumped down from the rock while fixing his fallen bag strap. As Sasya slid down the rock like a squirrel and finally landed with a thump on the grass, the impact shot through his feet. If he hadn’t instinctively bent his knees in a plié, the shock would have traveled up to his spine.702ca537016c0a51

Bouncing back 60d3588e16 up like f8562ee074 a high-performance 9af3fb2997 spring, Sasya 613d9a94b7 quickly escaped 952230bf9d through the 96100887a3 Central Park 06deaeb994 exit toward dae8950c55 Fifth Avenue.30fa5960a3ba58bf

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Once he 4171fc669b entered the 886ef0deec familiar path 19050ece07 from Fifth 926773842a Avenue, the 8af9c58386 hotel was 422635f557 right there. Passing by the 545a1a57da doorman who automatically 5225cf3c73 opened the door, bb66f132c0 Sasya headed to 29c942f8fc the private door 03560e3fac where Michael was 5abef2f45c waiting as usual. The elevator happened to 0fc808d787 be on the first 31bac0e563 floor, so Sasya pressed 1accd66dcf the button right away.9d497250f5354c47

“The elevator might be a bit messy, but it’ll be cleaned up soon. Don’t be surprised.”1988a0b811b9d6e8

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“The elevator?”c0dbc44a782f491e

Michael showed his 0487b6390b white teeth in bb1122f881 a grin. At the same time, 894f7eb58b the elevator doors opened.cd8bd464386bfaa2

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As Sasya stepped inside, 3a248555ab he discovered that all c031dd3b34 four walls of the 9b184652bd elevator were covered with 4de2d80a51 blue cushions to prevent 57c0f55b13 friction.5a1bf064133a4bbe

Sasya’s heart pounded with a premonition, though he couldn’t exactly tell why.6d77201a2e72369f

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Then, as soon as he reached the floor where Sasya’s room was, the doors opened with a chime. Sasya noticed that the corridor he entered was also covered with dark gray non-woven fabric. Deliberately stepping on the fabric, Sasya approached the door and held up his key card.b556b2a9ae051468

With a 9f17f6eb00 small noise, fa4cc6d3cc the door e66ee709b9 unlocked. Sasya pulled the 0985378384 handle and opened 14f36a77be the door.76a8bd131dd64d6b

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“Mr. Cle…ments.”afe71af81263fcee

The door closed 0150fffb08 silently behind the f334559675 dazed Sasya. In the middle 6102e6dbbd of the living 09947a15d4 room, which looked 522c479131 quite different from b6c5a899cc when he had b4c90786c3 left that morning, 8da19b0959 stood Karel.923eb6eb125a89e2

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“Karel.”00184a593220de65

At Sasya’s call, Karel turned around. Wearing a light gray three-piece suit that matched well with his blonde hair, Karel turned to look at him with his hands in his pockets. Although there were several workers and George beside him, Sasya could only see Karel.38965dc7c1846183

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“Welcome back. You’re early today.”547849d0365a1349

Even such b2f0f1d9fc an ordinary 6a2ed4a2a7 greeting made b86a1ce63c his heart 0fbb92fc28 flutter. Sasya hastily kicked dd07b47fb5 off his shoes 148556dc6b and ran to 6a631c5da6 him in bare 968802da9e feet, not even 80481ef1ea putting on slippers.05f69157a8d8cf18

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As Sasya ran across the living room, he thought about wanting to jump up and hang onto Karel’s neck. Then, just like last night, Karel would catch him without even swaying and hold him tight. He wanted to act spoiled with him to his heart’s content. Even then, Karel wouldn’t mock him for acting like a child.e94803821f36c962

However, for some unknown reason, Sasya’s steps slowed as he approached the middle of the living room, his heart shrinking. It was because some reason had kicked in once the effects of alcohol had worn off.64d1b7237c5b1aa7

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Moreover, by the 58af3c4074 time he stopped 95fbffbed5 in front of d8ae76e347 Karel, his legs e802f571bb were practically trembling.8a5819e71a5f43f6

“I didn’t know you’d be here.”144768c97924ab84

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Sasya awkwardly covered 934e293a07 his cracking voice 2fbe727d74 with a fake f8c28403b3 cough. Karel turned toward c4fd428553 the living room 9e23cad2b7 with a faint 61c8a32fb1 smile, as if 942a719a04 suggesting Sasya should 44d2fe2d1e check it out.886dbf5c9effd0df

“You must have gotten used to the arrangement, I’m sorry. I made some changes.”78729ab812008f2d

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“I don’t mind.”4611a14fa7ecefaa

Where Sasya’s nest had been, made from bundled blankets, there was now a large queen-size bed positioned to have a good view. There was an antique-style lamp within reach to illuminate the surroundings, and even a movable table that could be pushed away or pulled close to the bed for having breakfast while sitting.351ec08be3b9f7e5

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And around it were various items whose purposes Sasya couldn’t identify: a large golden trumpet, electronic devices that looked like he belonged in the 90s, and dark wooden boxes scattered here and there.08961d4edd9237da

No way, no 1da746bbaa way!4963c3e76edb7527

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Sasya’s heart pounded heavily. Sasya pressed his hand firmly against his chest. His heart was beating irregularly with what might be called tachycardia or whatever it was.bff7426e2455c407

“I was planning to move in when I had some free time, but the dates weren’t working out. Today I moved some things in, but I’ll actually move in about a week from now. …Oh, why that expression?”dc77b1f3fdc10935

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“Karel.”1149e910d645e400

Sasya called 8713bfff51 his name, 40eedc4349 panting. Not crying was the 3bf50df6d4 maximum emotional control Sasya 7b54c1348f could manage.9b02c94c1ba3f2c0

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Then he trudged over and clung to Karel’s waist, hugging him tightly.a12ab31d2675aad9

“Thank you for the birthday present.”9fc53995d39b2706

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As Sasya pressed his forehead against him, his fine hair scattered messily against Karel’s shirt front. Instead of hugging Sasya back, Karel casually ran his hand through the much shorter boy’s hair and replied.d8f162719290dba0

“I thought I was the only one who remembered since you didn’t look too good.”8c2a64e0cbd88c49

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“No, no…”48bf228df6ee42dc

“You were drunk back then.”f26267a1b4308b94

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“No. I remember everything. But I’ll never drink alcohol again, ever.”e6f1eb65935fcc6a

Karel just laughed at Sasya’s mumbling.861304ac2e0a72ed

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At that moment, George, 822e65c0d8 who had been helping 39744bc040 arrange things with the e3d4ffc3f6 workers, came close and ab31ef678f asked.f2f363dae2cf7b59

“Where should we put the phonograph?”c754ec2d1c3b0e6c

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“Over there by the table would be good.”32f6bee0e2e9309a

“Should we put it right against the table? Or leave some space?”27d6dfd9c15cb2f7

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At George’s question, Karel gently shook off Sasya and headed in that direction.a9c418d66f687b8a

“Since it has a beautiful shape and it’s decorative, let’s place it a bit away from the corner so it’s visible, but not right in the corner.”ec16c3e027d04e65

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Feeling sulky that the 55123e51e2 phonograph or whatever seemed fceb98786d more important than hugging e89dd2fcb2 him, Sasya watched the 02e4d1e41a direction Karel had walked.cb8282b52e4a4e42

“Will you actually use fa1a4c42dd it? If you b6f11a529e want to cd36e4704d play it, 6ef26b7bfb we’ll need d211b83c0c to call 6592bdbaf5 someone to e51c8c9456 set it 93c38dc27a up.”345e7c580e56f8e1

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“Hmm. Let’s do c64904a38d that tomorrow.”dbc3227ce74bc5a1

Following carefully behind Karel, Sasya realized that what he had seen earlier as a huge golden trumpet was called a ‘phonograph.’ Karel had great interest in old things and owned many curious items. Although it was a machine Sasya didn’t even know how to use, thinking that it was something Karel cared enough about to bring when moving made him somewhat interested too. He thought he might try touching it a bit when Karel wasn’t around.9bcb6ab30a898a2a

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The workers 67b238c4d6 and George 772840d745 left after 32077845a3 the sun 51e79b54d2 had completely 8f0db54a88 set. Sasya held his anxious a8e4f792f6 heart, worried that Karel dd78d7c79d might leave with them.ff440364e5b08d5c

However, fortunately, Karel b63468c680 seemed to be ad628b1bd6 planning to stay b5306b08ca for dinner.72efc588dbc3cf6a

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“Sit down.”48dd4a01154009a5

With one phone 2063bf2112 call from Karel, 55b95cc39b a luxurious dinner e881bb94b3 was sent up eafa312345 within 30 minutes. It was completely different 968db5a8f5 from the meals Sasya 4df1cc97cb usually ordered, rotating through 29fc75a0d0 the room service menu.a017686b54eca749

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There was a 391df8cc98 simple herring dish 50a4939de1 braised in olive 8495daca33 oil with fennel, 98298a7ee7 sautéed scallops with d4259fb9ba broccoli, and tender, 3fc153a1fb juicy lamb chops. In front of wide-eyed a36184225c Sasya, Karel spread plenty 67d1275106 of quality cream cheese ff03524bd9 on lightly toasted rye a3d8af9a9f bread as an appetizer 019aa4730c and offered it to 4611509076 him.f59505eab57d5126

“Ah, it tastes even better with this on top.”252ee8b89c8c1375

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Just as Sasya was about to bite into the bread with cream cheese with an ‘ahh,’ a cherry tomato slightly pickled in vinegar suddenly rolled into his open mouth. Karel had timed it perfectly to roll it into Sasya’s open mouth.d8afd5e85263fcdf

When he chewed the 30de2c1215 food Karel had pushed 4b35e2b837 in before he could a1806c7d44 stop him, the fresh 9e4234a209 cherry tomato burst in de0a1f13dc his mouth. It was a harmonious 7223fad694 taste he had never a720ca5ac6 experienced before.d9b882fed0ca5675

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Sasya answered while chewing,9186e91b738045f7

“It’s delicious. Really delicious.”cc6678ec9ae0c0ff

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Karel, who had been watching Sasya munching on the bread, ate his own bread with cherry tomato in the same way. Thinking that they were eating the same food in the same way made warmth quickly fill Sasya’s heart.6af568b190de22d0

What kind 3a59cd94ac of existence e73c7ca61a am I 04ed0da7bf to Karel?d176011724f65abe

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Am I 2a55fe0083 someone he 447bd14f41 wants to 215a9ce6bf teach how 90329dc009 to eat d7b3b8f91b delicious food?2dd0649deba42c81

Someone he’d willingly give a birthday present to if asked?f061ab9e584d4d9d

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What if, by any d3c2dc3a28 chance, I made an ec8cb7e8e1 incredibly difficult request?4617dfcccc221792

Would he then fd1b4554da find me annoying a19c510a8b and bothersome and afb0024e9c brush me off 563f8ded6d like dust?6bedc1d174c398de

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In Sasya’s heart, there coexisted the desire to test what kind of existence he was to Karel and the reluctance to take such a risk. The question he had been pondering all day since hearing Oksana’s words surfaced again.5539556f5423049e

Having Karel in front of him while trying to think about him, Sasya couldn’t take his eyes off Karel even while eating. He was so focused on Karel while eating with his gaze fixed on him, the area around Sasya’s plate was once again surrounded with spilled food.9ca154b5a1e9e9fd

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In contrast, Karel ate cleanly with efficient movements, immediately wiping any trace of sauce from his lips with a napkin. When Sasya unconsciously followed suit and wiped his lips with a napkin, he was shocked to see how dirty his napkin had become compared to Karel’s, and hid it on his lap.2429f1243dd93cb2

“Uhm, Mr. Clements?”f5061da4d1633c76

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Suddenly wanting to be formal, Sasya called him respectfully. Unconsciously, he wanted to imitate adults’ proper dates.e9ee0b81d38163ea

“Yes?”da9c94d4d77fd775

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“When was your first kiss?”2406dd14b398ede5

“Hmm…”8b175837244ca7f9

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At Sasya’s question, Karel put down his utensils and stroked his chin. Sasya’s heart started pounding heavily again.fa87e593e7b5aca5

“Is this an 3918f0f36f exchange of information?”467517e320df7683

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“Eh?”4da4349e583c4ae9

“You shared when you will have your first kiss with me so I thought… you meant you wanted me to tell you mine too.”c88e3cea9da73764

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Hearing it put that c825736fe6 way made sense, so bedf4ed1aa Sasya nodded vigorously.a391e7052843756e

“Unfortunately, I don’t remember.”e3f574acd484507d

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“Really? I can’t believe it.”8c3664346daf8b5b

“It was too long ago. I think I was about your age now.”7cba808eeff1ec4b

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“How can you not remember?”a41aba2519edbd60

“Hmm… Perhaps because I didn’t attach much significance to it.”4d22123fdd06fc7f

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“Wow…”a0371739d537dcad

Sasya felt deep respect 61b481fe61 for him, finding him 76a19abe3a very adult-like for having ef19184644 casually gotten his first 8573280bfd kiss over with. Then Sasya asked another 38bacff763 thing he was curious d5c5d051e6 about. Somehow, it felt like 0d2864dbf1 today he might answer 543d8e4989 many things.d6815c76593ea016

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“What kind of person do you like, Karel?”010f467e3051e950

“What do you mean?”2b9d11fb98e31842

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“You know, people you’re attracted to. Like feeling sexual desire… or wanting to kiss.”59b52333902248e3

Wanting to act as af80ef92a1 adult as Karel, Sasya 57e0c310ac imitated the words that 6d87fa6d7e José always used. José would 1f006df5e1 always talk 9ee8b6a113 loudly about 6a90e1fe57 how the d641594789 brain and bbd9ffe40b lower body aa46cc3458 were separate a959ba6644 things, going 7f762a8d8e on about 6c23970764 sexual desire. While the girls 561b99a75a would frown at 397434d151 this, Karel would c5e1202851 understand since he 0fe09b4c9d was a man.8aed8ce60eedd00f

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“Sexual desire?”32b7d1cba62019c4

Karel made a 515aad68aa subtle expression and 6e522ef25d crossed his arms. His biceps bulged slightly 5716a8a2a7 as he let out bcd459bdc0 a soft sigh.6ff561ec23bb9e64

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“Everyone knows it, so I suppose there’s no need to hide it.”5ac18655dd7609f1

Karel muttered that, then 0ca0d24aa7 continued,344e85ba2ef5e317

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“Black hair, white skin. And someone who is physically trained.”61bf898216e9c885

Listening carefully and unconsciously 2309d434a1 nodding with an ‘Ah…’ 7519d590a5 Sasya suddenly realized something.c9cf99554aa97fb9

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“Like me?”aacf7901fa0a346c

Perhaps the question 09817b3ace was too hasty. Karel remained silent instead 2da159634f of answering. Feeling a bit embarrassed, 82152089a6 Sasya fiddled with his ccbb62493b hair.117ba556cafe749b

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“Just that I thought I was somewhat similar…”d9ab3a38e43941a5

“I like mature people.”4690b5159cdb7198

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Karel drew f23a32b64e a sharp 5e3c70d0db line.31fc5c6b17014dc7

“Mature… mature?”e5e269a6fcd12ab0

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Sasya looked at 72102cefaa Karel while rolling 90db95fc01 that word around d2aedc847f in his mouth.04cb94053495866c

Even though 68a9f59cb5 it was 0b2afb56fd a word e3383b0f40 he knew 48cf94c6cb well, its c165a7f548 exact meaning e9938dabc4 didn’t quite 304f7f2fb9 register. Figuring out 53a7d52b4d the precise 613e1bf2fb definition of 035c9a7230 words had 131c9e8427 always been daffacc43b difficult for d9e51d32fb Sasya. Even when speaking 0f1246a52a his native language, 0a586af76a Sasya had a 31d9856327 pitiful vocabulary, often 6239bb5114 communicating with just 90daec07bd around 500 words.b51d7954cc6fe7b1

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Karel smoothly continued, as e2d910af23 if to help with 577b2a0dcb understanding a little,fd19303d3d648c2a

“Yes. Mature, someone who knows his own charm well, has confidence that comes from having a firm position… like a finished piece of craftsmanship… I like that kind of person.”dd480a2320ab6839

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“Craftsmanship?”688629288fe71c4f

Vadim had said that 8d867e3b39 being a dancer was 98e9868f09 a profession of crafting 5605a73ca2 the raw stone of 51011023d1 the human body into 35fa91de6f a jewel. He had a075694195 also said 8fa6eb5e81 that the 2a94563702 essence of bc1c921a7f ballet was dfff1f2cb6 obsessing until 5d6685d704 the end 9f833219ec about what 6cd5dc036f lines your ae283a88e4 body creates. Then perhaps there might 875b2cd666 be some possibility for ae5c493d98 himself, being a ballet 545c05fdea dancer.cf03c06f9587958b

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Touching his ce2b9505db ear, Sasya 0e71935790 asked again:9ad251b7664c2391

“What about… you said you like physically trained people? Why did that drop out?”ff26adf7a6a62a26

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At Sasya’s question, Karel shrugged.1c70e40e472747e4

“That’s not a preference, it’s a requirement.”5c2abe369c08e7af

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“Why?”21c0a12615ed850a

“Because that’s what it takes to endure.”8dd2548c755244fa

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“…?”acb61fa466fbf7e5

Filled with questions, Sasya f89c21bf4b lowered his gaze back 8948452f7a to his plate.92a23603dfc69f32

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One thing was clear: the ‘maturity’ Karel defined was a word far removed from himself. Sasya’s jaw gradually slowed as he mechanically chewed his food with round eyes.6bea507f582fae11

“Sixteen, huh. Right, that’s the age when you’re curious about such things.”2be7aa772bd81b0d

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Saying this, Karel indirectly generalized and packaged Sasya’s unique, somewhat rude way of speaking. Feeling a faint sense of his considerate yet not-so-considerate care, Sasya grew sulky. Instinctively, he felt Karel was trying to block having deeper conversations.7b4db2c965e6f632

“Is that so? Yes… I guess so. José talks about this kind of thing all day.”a3a6c8e4c32bf239

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“Right. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anytime. Think of it as asking your ‘big brother.'”093ebe3966422784

“Yes…”ab5ff74a2f4e5395

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“I suppose it’s better than satisfying curiosity in strange ways.”bef52c29caf66f93

Also, the moment Karel positioned himself as a ‘big brother,’ Sasya felt the conversation became uninteresting for some reason.ee64617a2ad826a8

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Having lost interest in this topic, Sasya tried to recall the recent context of how they’d arrived at this conversation. Though it might have been a misunderstanding, Karel seemed to give answers that slightly missed the point of what was asked. The most obvious example was when Sasya asked about sexual desire, and Karel somehow smoothly transformed it into a discussion about ideal types.fa253bb1136ba336

While Sasya was lost 189533c5c5 in thought, Karel pushed 2ce37d9b13 back his chair and 5abf6c5add left the table.766a18fd801299a4

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Had he already finished a2345c5078 dinner? For someone who claimed 3fccc4fec2 he could devour 100 f71d49e065 pounds of meat in 9d1b6c7db2 a week, he seemed 10213d6a12 to have an unusually 428127141c small appetite.35b19648885e4f14

Looking at the still-warm 79b531e437 food left abundantly on 6c4d6b8b5d the table, Sasya thought 7a2381ba50 he might have talked 4c44b5dd91 too much. Having few friends might 1fdac4488f be because he talked 15aaeb1ef9 too much during meals, 1160150204 making others tired, or d0243d6451 making conversations awkward with 132c331fc6 out of place topics.778bf8b3e557e9bd

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He had always been careful about this… but around Karel, he got excited. Bad habits kept emerging. Feeling disgusted with himself, Sasya put down his dinner spoon while keeping even his breathing quiet.3d13ac56029001df

“Why are you finishing dinner already? Are you full?”71921addd7fdf84e

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Karel returned with a ef1ee5ae52 dark green wine bottle bdc7f6f696 in his hand, looking 1ae8a72257 completely natural.70dd11685138c4a9

“Are… are you going to drink?”076c58db2985886c

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“I think sparkling wine would go well with the food.”a767db5cecdc7309

Saying this, Karel sat back down and poured wine into an elegant glass. The dark green bottle resembled Karel’s eye color in darkness, and the clear pale yellow liquid in the glass was the same color as the light that bloomed in his iris when sunlight hit it. Small bubbles boiled along the bottle before settling. Sasya unconsciously swallowed his saliva.4c0f5755c55eb43b

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“Will you continue eating?”1866995e7ce3eeb8

“Of course. I haven’t even started.”fd8db337c33884ee

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“I’m not finished either.”8edc41fe3a7744e8

Sasya gripped 08fbedb2c1 his spoon 004a7c2429 again with 7da53cc66a renewed fighting cc6702d7a0 spirit.b9f9b399637c56a0

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Just having Karel sit 34bb67506f across from him again 4be11b0ccb energized Sasya, who took 85f06a7751 a big bite of 191f0f4147 the herring. This was ba704907b9 a fish 9ba389204a he often 071b3096ee ate in d60e664cc1 his homeland, 334dfa2354 but the a3b41e0ccb luxurious texture 09e00b85eb without any ad0aa13b1c small bones c7e28eb7fd was surprising. Meanwhile, Karel cut dcdd550127 up a large 83363d2f69 piece of lamb 9e71b9a654 chop and offered f0eabaefb7 the carefully deboned a47dbb9891 meat to Sasya.e544b75f8a3a534d

“You need to consume lots of good protein. That’s how you improve your muscle quality.”32fc11364812e0c4

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“Muscle quality?”7c4da3aac14144b0

“I mean the quality of muscles. The strength to extend is important for dancers, isn’t it?”07535d3927c9b9ef

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“Wow. How do you know so much? Thank you for being so thoughtful.”23e3c252358f61a6

“This much investment is nothing for a future outstanding dancer.”e57a8924497a118e

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Karel took a sip 890520e94c of wine with a bc5334ddc9 smiling eyes.998304dff5db958c

And during eec256eab2 dinner, Karel be1465d103 finished the 48fd7f2dc2 entire bottle 5ab5191171 of wine d466eb91cf by himself. Without offering even a 00dd70253f single glass to Sasya.6745b20eb014389d

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• **

That day, Karel said he would stay over, which made Sasya jump with joy. But then, Karel immediately added that he would use the master bedroom, not just today but also after he fully moved in, which immediately crushed Sasya’s mood.78050e21d9e2a153

Sasya cautiously tried to b4f42c2b87 reason with him.0c9d8a46d2c4a332

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“The bed in the living room is very big too.”117cd9cbcfbe8574

“Yes. I ordered a big bed so you could sleep comfortably.”cfedde36f778f558

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But Karel was a 0d9d278ac2 man with absolutely no 7419f04502 openings when it came fc110862b4 to logical attacks.5696862781c82315

Sasya wished c301ca053b there would 2375004fb4 be thunder fc3e28a897 and lightning 67561c4217 right now. Then he 8b18f0a788 could sneak b729216a59 into his 532537f81c bed, saying 400cab1005 he was affa7cb9d5 too scared 44c9e51b30 to sleep 04517cf47a because of f9d226cc0a the rain 29afb56c09 sounds and e30c9fd2fd sky-splitting lightning. Even Sasya needed that 38802b1ed0 level of excuse when 4e3c0af8ed not drunk.39b4d41d79839d2c

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Whether aware of Sasya’s thoughts or not, Karel looked around the hotel room once and pointed to one of the bathrooms.039c4c87feb1b236

“I’ll use that bathroom. Would that be inconvenient?”9e618d6273be9aa2

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Karel’s posture was slightly tilted as he held a neatly folded white towel, preparing to wash up.a1ced7fd6c66f8e5

“…Use whichever you like.”e5125a7ef2a57d9a

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“It might be troublesome if it overlaps with where you usually go.”633d4fc07e1d4b72

“It’s fine. I use anywhere, so you can use anywhere too, Karel.”6fcc342a05cd7dfe

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As if trying 77f117d95e to soothe the 6305547509 somehow sulky Sasya, 520cd3614e Karel gently stroked 1c9f76e41d his head once 92854ec644 more before heading 7898660fe7 to the bathroom. Sasya shook his 9cf2566777 head while watching 28244e63b2 his back. His straight, flowing hair 5acb7e02c5 fell softly along his ae96080763 round head.a4ee1f877eabe73b

And Karel entered the bathroom within Sasya’s sight without removing a single piece of clothing, keeping even his buttons fully fastened. It was a rigid appearance complete with a vest.4bb031fab916d92c

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Sasya, who had secretly been curious about seeing a fully matured adult’s naked body, became dejected. He had been a bit curious about Karel’s naked body, which had muscles thicker and larger than those of dancers comparable to boxers. He wondered if the skin hidden under clothes was smooth like the exposed parts, and if his body hair was also golden.eb8028efdee5fd21

‘But since we’ll be living together, there will be plenty of opportunities anytime.’6a4f76f93ad7ad1d

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While having such brazen 547feade86 thoughts, Sasya repeatedly walked b727661691 from one end of 7791c881a3 the living room to a75878002b the other.f261634c0903a62a

Then one idea b240a7d052 occurred to Sasya.8962aa455be575b4

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Just before, Karel’s walk to the bathroom was slow and somewhat unstable. Moreover, his eyelids covering kind eyes seemed slightly reddened, and his eyes appeared bloodshot. This must be because he drank an entire bottle of wine during dinner earlier.272300177289ec3e

Sasya walked to the 4631220b97 cellar as if entranced 4930c28f50 and brought out another ba9107d0c0 bottle of wine. He was curious d9f0314e45 about what would 2f4cf7dce1 happen if Karel 6100dd4fde drank more.a38d68d964abf15d

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Simultaneously, a scene Sasya had unintentionally witnessed shortly after arriving here unfolded in his mind. A black-haired man with skin as pale as a vampire’s. That thief who had emptied Karel’s wallet while saying ‘jackpot’ had whispered ‘darling’ into the drunk and sleeping Karel’s ear.9b8e7e014767cbc8

If he hadn’t stopped him then, what would have happened after…? Sasya couldn’t contain his curiosity. That man surely met Karel’s criteria for ‘arousing sexual desire.’ Was he physically fit? Although he wasn’t certain about that, he was definitely tall and appeared sturdy.035cb4fb8c606ec5

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Imagining two adult men embracing made Sasya’s body strangely tremble, so he went to his new bed in the living room and curled up. Come to think of it, his lower half had become stiff at some point, making it uncomfortable to walk.7a7635d6f43b8532

After a while, Karel bb2fb4c636 came out of the 74aab3ce27 bathroom and found Sasya 9defae9358 already lying in bed 48855b2b6c covered with a blanket.9186dd46f7adbed5

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“Going to sleep already?”0c2c55dcf309146e

“Mm… not really, but kind of.”2a7dca9efe1ae1e8

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Mumbling a response, Sasya watched Karel walk toward the phonograph. Indeed, Karel’s steps were slower than usual. Moreover, his ears and nape seemed slightly flushed red. It must be from the remaining alcohol effects combined with the warm water.e71c8170ea591179

“Have you never seen one of these?”96ff54e4d558eb84

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Sasya just nodded e3f25bde0f silently in response. The blanket made a 459c22991c rustling sound instead.786a5531c688dd42

“It’s a machine that can play music. Quite high-end. In the past, listening to music with this was all the entertainment they had, if you can imagine how limited their options were.”4b30d60d66204976

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“Does it make sound?”6ad8e1b31bb352d6

“It needs to be set up.”6129325538e7df63

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“Is it expensive?”58f5647ea6de4024

“It’s hard to put a price on it. If someone wants it, they might pay a very high price, but to those who don’t need it, it’s just junk.”f04e0d07409220f1

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“Did you buy it at a high price, Karel?”72f0e2749f0a383d

“I inherited it.”f2e16a9c1bc5493d

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At his tone suggesting he got it for free, Sasya stared at him intently. Despite that implication, Karel was caressing the phonograph’s mechanism with quite affectionate hands.b8e12c6e6b10da1b

“Someday when this item’s real owner appears, I’ll gladly hand it over.”6e7adaee82971346

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After making this 2d004a9b60 puzzling statement, Karel f4c741cb8c headed toward the 36e6273a18 sofa where Sasya 2d639e55e9 was lying. As always, it cf8241e1bc seemed he would 159ac3e82a do some light 70663ad56c work or pass 63244c67e6 time until Sasya f833ec49d1 fell asleep.693a5c7c8cb9bf6a

And Karel, 74ca2074ff wearing a 1b35f25e64 robe and cf35befed1 sitting on 0b4389ec01 the sofa, ffcbb2d061 soon discovered cf9467b073 the bottle b15a112fcf placed side a758ce5c5e by side 9e3f894327 on the a2bb0554da side table.de9778b633fbc91f

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“Did you put this here?”3f9a98ba0f61c48c

“Yes…”233fed9b9394f9b1

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Sasya blushed. While Karel was 8d7e69b87d washing up, he c735ff7716 had placed a d9c9133bf3 bottle of wine f4dfc17e40 and a glass 90d9209d7d on the side f000d73f62 table next to 2473a64f13 the sofa. It was 65fdfd41da similar to 684dd28f35 the wine 7d62e10664 Karel had f2a32ddaf3 emptied earlier.b7440262af412090

“I’ve never asked you to be my secretary… Where did this come from?”7e5b9d94b99a6de9

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“There are many in that small refrigerator.”7a34bfef84210fd2

Sasya raised himself slightly c252a53011 and pointed to the 13e79ef584 wine cellar. Karel examined the newly a39fa56f0c taken bottle front and f764f77165 back, then smiled slightly.ce6f022ba1a35c07

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“Like leaving a cat to watch the fish shop.”1e08f60df2b52ed4

“…?”2bceaf82f3a62394

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“It seems you intend to taste some alcohol.”60ed8aa0cf9fbff7

“…”6c1745b4350188eb

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“Am I wrong?”c433123e957dc445

To Karel’s question, Sasya boldly refuted.d8db33085f2d85b0

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“No? That wasn’t my intention at all. I absolutely didn’t have such thoughts. Just… I wanted Karel to drink it.”c96d80dd74486e13

“…”bbfe98338fa0d015

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“Please have lots of delicious things. And sleep well.”7661ef7f2db8d824

Karel observed the wine f60d25775a bottle, and after realizing cb5eb2099a it could be opened 98f85df6ca by hand, lightly twisted 2046cce1ff off the cap. Then he 510f74eb75 did something 6c1cc4b93a that startled 342466f90b Sasya. He brought the 086a118f4b bottle directly to 8136c3938f his lips without 5fde2a7686 a glass and 0a93b7e1c7 tilted his head 3385847fcb back to taste fabb1a4291 it.6941a64a9f17334f

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The distinctly masculine thick Adam’s apple moved prominently along the smooth neckline. Sasya was easily captivated by that movement.1ed3fcaa84cd8874

“…Mr. Clements, you drunkard.”640842d70bdc79f8

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At Sasya’s words, Karel furrowed his brow. Sasya shrank a bit but believed Karel’s expression was due to the wine’s aftertaste rather than because of him.9de066ffbe974b3a

“What exactly are f08078a303 you planning to e2120751eb do while I’m 87a08027c5 asleep?”cb784f9ae1c4a3c5

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Saying this, Karel strode over to the bed. Then he flicked Sasya’s chubby cheek with one finger and pulled the blanket up to cover Sasya’s completely stiffened neck.968d5eb5d49c431d

“Good night.”63853720edb6ec90

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Sasya quietly looked up 12f383f88a at Karel while hiding 4fe70af9b3 his pounding heart under 6795fc7423 the cozy blanket. Karel, who was 58236cb940 about to turn 2898b83c12 his back and 9924af7fa9 leave the bedside, 498f796315 seemed to read 6af94a0501 that gaze and 99552e24e3 gently turned back 59e996bcea to Sasya.d3ed7ff9571dd315

Sasya desperately, very desperately 07ba5dfa25 wished he would give 5e8452f5db him a goodnight kiss.cbf500a02d33d6ee

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And as if d07b1c4940 their minds were 284e76f231 connected, Karel came a9a53a2ad6 closer and bent b3ac0ed04d down.d922c6ad79b00237

He brushed 0b517aee38 aside the 00bf3176f5 disheveled hair 6036a3beb9 on his cebb22809a forehead with 3a64c33ca4 his hot 3478c6f5b0 palm and ddfdc10f45 pressed down 5748cdceb8 with dry 1f3cba4233 lips.ed549cdfe48e3751

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This time, Sasya didn’t close his eyes. He wanted to observe his face up close.3b315e14c1247c4b

If there was something new he learned when his lips touched his forehead, it was that Karel doesn’t close his eyes when giving goodnight kisses.6b35f1612d144cfa

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His deep green eyes, e430d0f1d5 so close, seemed to 51eb29e7b5 swallow the darkness of 67743b16d0 the night, with faint 63ea9ffea2 amber streaks shimmering in b48222205a his irises.38456fbebb0269b0

Feeling as fd8ef573f0 if those 68b9d2aa84 eyes were 251c82ca76 piercing through 997a5b8c26 them, Sasya 1c41e5c3aa ended up 5630998be4 tightly closing 69796b20b8 his eyes.5e5ab01645a6c19e

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“…Good night.”9253bac704a5b4fb

Karel’s tightly closed voice followed, and his breath tickled Sasya’s forehead.864bd4bc778478d4

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“Karel.”5fff29ec7419f773

Sasya impulsively raised himself and clung to Karel’s nape. Karel’s back muscles twitched, becoming more sharply defined as he supported Sasya’s weight.73417713f304e52c

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As Karel, who had to bend forward significantly because of Sasya clinging to him, supported himself by leaning his arms on the bed, Sasya squeezed Karel’s neck tighter like a baby monkey climbing an old tree. The tender flesh inside Sasya’s arms clung to Karel’s root-like firm nape.40e83dbc803b6e56

Then, Sasya traced Karel’s face with his lips, searching for his forehead. His small lips, which had brushed against Karel’s nose, easily found their place on his forehead.012247308aca2cbf

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After silently kissing his 88282e25bc forehead, Sasya blurted out a84a1531c5 an excuse to Karel 19f14f1dfd who was staring at b8496fb9ed them with an unreadable 103f3793fc expression.0f185b6a2edb1bf0

“…This is a goodnight kiss.”cd0840659e983705

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“…”6e8357c6ed79d883

“Good night, Karel.”e7710a50796c595e

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Karel carefully supported Sasya’s back with his arms as he clung to his neck looking at him, and laid them down on the bed.dd955fbc2ea2b88c

Then just like before, he firmly tucked the fluffy blanket up to Sasya’s neck.13ea094f87203b13

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‘I’m an adult. It’s been a very long time since I stopped receiving goodnight kisses.’e1cb3f352045ccf5

It seemed as 3774e54a8f if Karel whispered b2d62ac5c2 that.d47a7b0273e57479

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Of course, it was just Sasya’s delusion. Though he could have said something about Sasya’s sudden action, Karel returned to the sofa without a word.b01c00256328515f

Sasya secretly watched Karel’s sitting figure until just before falling asleep. As Sasya had hoped, he completely emptied another bottle of wine in his seat. Sasya wished Karel would get completely drunk and collapse with a thud before even reaching the bed. If that happened, if things went that way…80a3b926dfd10351

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While not even properly 57e49a5afd knowing what he wanted cda88a489b to do with the d1696a0095 sleeping Karel, Sasya blinked 0d79cf61de slowly. Unfortunately, drowsiness was washing 410cac771e over him, and it bfea81d3d1 seemed he would fall a9030e5ed0 asleep before Karel today.aebd38766fb72000

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