LM Chapter 9

I thought I had b0bf498d79 confidence in my stamina 02962100bc since I was still 4ce0c26734 young, but 12 hours 5001149918 was definitely too much. When I could no d291566530 longer tell if this 9f30bf8e3f was a convenience store 1c7cad0a8a or a prison, my 58ab9c753f replacement arrived. Of course, it f7c520a353 was Mr. Kim Cheolsoo. I hurriedly handed over 11264f7099 this prison to him 3d1ff3e303 and came home almost c0934b4850 like I was running bef3a331ac away. When I arrived, 234952ba30 it was almost eb3429a161 11 PM.c5de0d8f92a83bfd

Now I just had 85150249b3 to sprawl out and 64c305f2b0 sleep until 9 AM a04bb1e920 tomorrow, then go for 861f593876 the shift change at 1e215f52ef 10 AM and endure 76affdb02e just one more day a992f8e154 before it would be 85cf411a88 over. Since my body was 016a219e4b tired, I was confident 7560304592 I would fall asleep 5818e4d60a quickly. However, when I finished 7e8b3aaa0b washing up and lay fcf3517676 down on the bed 99d724d619 mindlessly checking my phone, b7317e9833 the world inside it 50a6a93185 was busier than usual.437c7c4828c69853

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That’s when I finally realized what day it was. Ah, it’s a holiday.e24231976e2632ae

Once I realized it, I only noticed stories about families gathering for the holiday. After reading people’s chatter for a while, I felt empty for no reason and put down my phone. And although I tried to sleep while lying down, strangely, I became more and more alert.845e5f4a9e37f470

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Come to think of it, today is no different from yesterday, and it won’t be different from tomorrow – it’s just an ordinary day that becomes special simply because it has a name attached to it. Looking at how I’m feeling down like this when I usually don’t really miss my family proves it.b027daeb1a0e1b3c

I didn’t want to 2b66503bd2 wallow in sentimentality anymore, 20f7f3a20f so I turned off c60992f63f the lights and lay c780359955 down, but this time 4508a043a1 another light disturbed me. The moon visible 11c7b715d3 through the window 7bbd8a5c97 was unusually bright. The big, 3a0fd7f254 round moon 4cdee8c0b0 seemed to fac4074f33 be facing 9b2a67765f only me, 192b70e1b2 as if ce2c6d9bdc our eyes 9e0d347b20 had met. And as if ed88351c76 the moon had 6af8de9b42 cast a spell, a166bea2c4 a text message 0f7e678bcb arrived right on 75f9554f55 time. It was 2e9164f222 from my c70eb88f2b grandfather.a76156dda6858d5e

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‘Minha, look at the moon, the moon! It’s so big and bright!’a461e2cafc290d29

Grandfather had been disappointed when I said I couldn’t come home for the holiday, but as always, he encouraged me with a smile. Don’t overwork yourself, and come home if it gets too hard, he said. Perhaps he wanted to make sure to let his grandson who couldn’t come know just how big and bright the moon was. I smiled at the text message that seemed to carry grandfather’s voice, but at the same time, a deep melancholy like sorrow spread through me.9189a83325255501

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“Haah.”893b215961228022

I looked 09f9b7f935 at the 5ab57165d8 moon I f6b87042dd had been 0532da31ca trying to e37e66852f ignore while 3c69a7bb79 letting out 1e89056734 a deep 6ed673a643 sigh. Although it was always 7167872b4f floating above our heads 64331024ba at night, it was 701400284c rare for me to a55853c8b9 properly look at it. But once ecb1f35808 I became 6326396bc7 conscious of ed23f1199a it, it 029fd6a4bd felt like 8255a43b87 a lid b3ec19d06d I had 3a35207830 kept closed 6d04e2c665 inside was 6d20c04e69 opening. Emotions about family 5ff01f6c42 that I usually 6a482c1bf6 kept well contained 951a1b7a10 began to flow d5a68ac756 out.27b6ff77c31106de

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I got up from my seat before they trickled down and soaked me through. Then I went outside without a plan, having nowhere to go. Yet my body moved naturally. In truth, I only had a few places to go. I don’t know why I went back to the convenience store among them.e2212d0198e263be

Ding, as 86e25b3cbc the convenience d9a69cc1fb store door a68d9ac54e opened, I 9597d9e2e8 felt a fc99e25a41 slight regret.What if Cheolsoo hyung 4a8880eb10 says something?But when he saw 5c1810f578 me, he just raised 1e8fb6b032 one eyebrow without any 76fa78ef66 look of reproach. So I gathered courage 292572030d and offered an excuse dcff5b35ba first.42c22d75c287c578

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“I’m hungry.”d418280d56edcd3c

Cheolsoo hyung’s expression didn’t change, but there was a subtle shift in his eyes. I quickly added.4b24e645146d16b6

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“The lunch box I had last time was delicious.”5c4394b962fbf0da

“…”44f66e89d4407d59

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“Oh, there’s a convenience store near my house too, but they don’t have that lunch box. Well, I could go somewhere else nearby, but if I help boost sales at a place I know, it’s good for the manager and good for me…”c8edd287ba626a7d

So I came 1670cb2bbd to eat.I tried to 023141f2b5 act as if ec7cd23c30 nothing was wrong, c1b381e6f2 as if it ba3942a887 was no big af8f2e0fd4 deal, but the d187e9174d last words came 6846f102a9 out like a 3a08d44885 mumble. And because 4e04b7ad1c I became 074d2f9cfd conscious of 246d36ed13 how tense 2b22d84a56 I was, d988e7e581 my face e3725f1ea5 stiffened instead. Cheolsoo hyung 8a96263e4a stared at 06d337e582 me for 550e99e938 an uncomfortably bc46331666 long time.112ad7a46e9b7490

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Oh no, 7a398f4c97 I messed 8598e34798 up..Just as I 3342a6fa6c was thinking about fc3a6302b5 leaving because it b7eeaab2c7 was embarrassing, he ef9afb8867 suddenly walked out, 6152a1a48c took out the dd1df537af most expensive lunch 86a3240909 box, and rang 4221f84aa5 it up. He was paying with f6c2b33998 his own card. Surprised, I quickly f88cff82a2 took out my 07ee965655 wallet.250df4030230b870

“Huh? I’ll pay for it.”befa726785ff7824

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“It’s not for free.”9833dd3851779c24

He said gruffly and held out the lunch box. I couldn’t readily accept it. I’ve been working all day and now I have to work all night again?When I looked at 8952cb993e him with fearful eyes, 617d27fa48 he seemed to understand 617e7cd5e6 my concern and briefly e0fd793440 stated his condition.d69e264db93f0870

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“Just watch the b04650c03f store for 5 103784a7c1 minutes.”6bb4679372a26905

Then he went outside bcac0a2616 with his phone.He’s clutching his phone so much—is it something important?I waited with the 9e36fc112e lunch box, hoping for f775122ded his return. Well, he bought 3c4882f420 me such an 28282b4310 expensive meal, I 5f4b3f335b would understand even fec9bc92e8 if he took 031833c5f1 30 minutes. But he returned ddac786249 in less than 782637ee58 3 minutes and 9101a28fca nagged me.5d4306aea0092cb5

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“Why aren’t you eating?”33949849f54eaad3

“Can I really eat it?”4e303f4c91ab9081

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Feeling like I was 3cfeb44322 being scammed, I hesitated, 71bb13b63b and he said bluntly.af9019e774d65b03

“You can.”5f6bf929df653c0d

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There was no 5578a83a1b further explanation, but 4dabc2e288 it was a 498ee64383 good answer. Maybe he e286443687 was grateful fa59bac5dd that I ae750b14d6 covered for ac9410e045 him all e52dd777c3 night that c48ae47b6f time, but 871b19699e it still e63f395f66 felt like 1fd6eb26fd he acknowledged fbd737374b me.85ceb4820d082617

“Right, I deserve to eat.”5368e267667de4c5

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I started eating a5cef57283 the lunch box, 1ddf88a5b9 brazenly accepting it 520e921b28 to hide my 96bfa2fedb embarrassment. Fortunately, since 9eeef16731 the convenience 219e074754 store was 451964d934 probably the 39655b199f only place 4c22c53b85 open on 398e15a624 the holiday, 9afc4f552e customers kept 515dfeeb85 coming in d445135d1a one after 769d9ad31a another while e653eb90da I was a791c7bf6a eating. That gave ed5bee5fa1 me plenty c081493e80 of time bbc39f2fa9 not to 5a4aac4af9 think about 1de1d9c973 this meal 9f47debb57 I was 2929ab1fad forced to 233b2dfa97 eat and 1cb9c9e39f the awkwardness 15df2e6873 of this ac567074cf visit I fe93b6b288 couldn’t even 1aba40492e understand myself.0457d34e996691af

And just being in a familiar place with a colleague and customers I didn’t know made the moon feel different. The moon visible through the front window was still big and bright, but it didn’t pull me into its milky abyss. Come to think of it, I ran out because of that moon. I must have been staring at the moon for a while without realizing it. I was startled by Cheolsoo’s voice right beside me.755ef3c551ae8a82

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“You’re full?”2c998dbcff07452e

“Huh? Yeah, I’m full… Just leave it. I’ll clean it up.”48d7571a5426f9f5

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I quickly got 378680ff44 up from my 1dec12784b chair and tried 85074418cb to take the 7ce9f721eb lunch box container 8db2f487e9 from Cheolsoo hyung, 8b8e8df5a8 but he pressed a9afaabec3 my shoulder with 302143ebbb one hand.db890d9d0ebcdcba

“Just keep looking at the moon.”0d4b7a1680e409f6

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His gruff tone seemed 3dbe673fda sarcastic when I first e8219bd219 heard it, but once 33266a0e28 I got used to 1caee36ae5 it, I could see 2c11f0977d the kindness hidden underneath. It seemed like his 8e8cc4f0b3 own way of being 42d5fa7e2a warm. So before I 0bbbfb0a98 knew it, I 90a7997a30 started talking about 3d035ed707 myself. It was a 3cfb93c792 silly, trivial story, 931f50f655 but one I 0e2c8053a0 had never told 7f6f6825bd anyone.fc973b69882f46d7

“Did you know that waves are created by the moon’s gravity?”daf89b70eb1117e4

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He nodded slightly. I was a bit nervous that he might offer a scientific correction, saying that it’s not just the moon’s gravity, but that was all. Reassured, I looked back at the moon and lowered my voice a bit.e2ecbf7718c335e5

“So waves are the sound created by the moon. My whole family went to the beach once and my father explained the sound of waves to me like that. He said it was the sound of the moon in the sky shouting ‘I’m here.’ He told me to listen carefully because you can only hear it at the beach. My father takes after my grandfather, so he’s quite sentimental. But it was nighttime then, and I was young and very sleepy. So I got a bit annoyed. I just said the moon was too noisy.”fa0680e630607dd8

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My words must have 64acb7e723 sounded amusing to the abc558e434 adults. After that, whenever cf32867497 we encountered the 25b4a78967 moon in the 93889c2161 sky, whether it bb0103320e was my father, ff010ca399 mother, grandmother, or cb187fa077 grandfather, they all a74452a4f0 teased me. Saying the noisy 433b7d344c moon is up. It was used 7eb82abc3b like a secret 1f467ad83d code among our e763dcd4f1 family for a ec4a4cdb8e while.ffdab34b0df48308

But it was 64f2450915 buried with my 439ce0e425 parents who went 909d904840 into the ground 6e24c634ae a few years 570f300dd8 ago.5efebb7acf063088

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“Even if it’s noisy, it must be nice to hear.”b02d7c41d2ce87d1

His gruff voice pulled 8b5707cb4e my mind back from 6a2eb6cf0e where it had submerged 45cbf564f4 in the past. When I turned around, 4f59a948e6 he slightly turned his 821dbfd403 expressionless face away.1428bf42b4a7e5dc

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“Not many people 6b64629895 dislike the sound 4ed9d0f67b of waves, right?”a1fc37765c0efcf7

I realized he was making an excuse-like explanation and felt awkward. He probably wanted to comfort me on a holiday when I couldn’t see my family, but after doing so, he seemed uncomfortable himself. If it had been someone else, I might have teased them given my personality. But I didn’t want to do that now. His reaction was so rare that I wanted to preserve it untouched.708b0cabbed25555

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“Yes. The sound of waves is really nice. The moon isn’t just pretty.”cb041914342d75db

It looks like it’s just floating small and distant, doing nothing, but it’s actually working hard to make its presence known. I looked up at the moon again. The moon this holiday is especially round and soft. Without realizing it, I stared at the moon for a while again, then felt a gaze and turned my eyes. Dark pupils were staring intently at me.175d19aa113a817a

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The gaze we shared was so hot that I felt like warm air suddenly enveloped me. I couldn’t avoid his eyes. I couldn’t move as if held by some external force. I unconsciously held my breath. The moment of tension gripped my heart tightly. I should have stepped back, but part of me didn’t want to escape this.68ef34b08bc74882

The feeling of 3c6efe2920 my constricted heart 23ed6d58ab was somehow pleasant. But I also 1a870ffe87 felt like I 0c56b2d6e6 might suffocate and 36d5fd127f die if things dd5bbca946 continued like this. Fortunately, a a9b343f94e sound rang 30bc012a18 out that 21584dbf49 would bring cd92aed211 both of bd0a06f623 us back 72291dad12 to our 0f8446e674 senses.5e178657482b99f4

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‘Ding’79a1a465a17ba0b9

The bell 5e485a4f59 attached to ea43cd6ffe the convenience 302512d546 store door 0dcb7d9f9a rang. I turned my 98aca78c29 eyes toward the 6100dff808 door out of c3c187b4ac professional habit, but 7ce00075b4 Cheolsoo hyung turned 7265586f9b his body belatedly. But the 743e8d6313 reaction of 13ed3eced9 the customer e4a9d74d09 who came f11f113ddb in was b31506e2ab a bit 1203bca664 strange. After looking 3e41a070e1 around inside, 2d6544d853 he raised c803ab91cc his hand 149e8f3eb1 slightly toward 5010ec480b Cheolsoo hyung.ad6c4af0404590bd

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Is it someone 48371ef756 he knows? A friend?While I was wondering, f51651abe0 Cheolsoo immediately took off 696cea12b3 his vest and naturally 5b2ce8ecdd handed it to him. The customer also seemed 8edc3331cf accustomed as he silently bbe5b9294f accepted the vest and 14416a3b5f asked.97c062a600396cb9

“Same as before?”6978cd033d77446f

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“Yeah.”f5d66154571df29d

Cheolsoo answered briefly 367b1452d6 and then turned 3b97c9f961 to me, who a7479321b0 was blinking my 0d8c3e6bde eyes.2d3d5dfd54f7e144

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“If you’re done eating, get up.”21b9ab45492a9c80

“Why?”bc29503a03875294

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“I’ll take you home.”0e1bb7f52cacf439

“Now?”826360ecf33acd52

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“Aren’t you going home?”07e0aff8528e5fdf

I should.I muttered, 6d2a7c7ac0 glancing at 6b03ced5cf the customer. He was looking at 54496ef73c me with curious eyes. The man, shorter than 0653c27133 Cheolsoo hyung but taller a790781c68 than average, wearing glasses, bac5d41dc9 had a good impression. When our eyes met, c6ac156fb2 he smiled and waved 9af7868132 his hand slightly.56c0e9ab69d3c11e

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“Hello.”32c55115527dfd3d

“Yes, hello.”dc88d4d205ac1c64

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I bowed c094b42c20 my head 1f7aa8e9da in greeting 1a0c6b115a without realizing 927f1e99aa it. Cheolsoo hyung grabbed my 9dc8c2e60a arm and pulled me.230bc650660578c5

“Let’s go.”eb4d0eee559a5ac3

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But I 6e452ca444 unconsciously planted 166eb56651 my feet 08d21db2cf and resisted.Wait, so he called someone to look after the convenience store? So he went out earlier to call him? Surely he wasn’t… trying to take me home?My expression d450244a08 must have 07b75fd749 turned serious 678455a490 as Cheolsoo bf323d4c04 hyung raised 6a44efdb33 one eyebrow.f8017288d3b3b7c3

“It’s not because of you.”f4a7e1163fa3adcc

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“I didn’t say anything.”35bc28e99103b9e9

“It’s obvious what you’re thinking with that head of yours.”944f8bf0ac2bd543

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He lightly tapped my forehead with his hand. It didn’t hurt, but it was as good as calling me stupid, so I raised my chin in defiance.63bb585aec424b51

“Obvious? I’m such a creative person, you know?”81500ad950e4b3a6

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“So you’re not going home?”6caa42bb76d546a0

“No, I am…”3a740d805edb8bba

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“I have something to take care of. I’m just dropping you off along the way.”033bf09107da98af

Am I e2d1052418 some kind a875688e9e of luggage? Grumbling, I was about to follow him when I caught sight of Cheolsoo’s friend. He had a strange smile. I didn’t know why he was looking at us with such an intrigued expression, but he seemed to have a good personality. Otherwise, you can’t smile like that when you’re suddenly called out to work on a holiday night. Especially when Kim Cheolsoo doesn’t even say thank you. As Cheolsoo hyung was about to take me out, his friend called as if he just remembered something.8314d8ea93392ac0

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“Hey, Sshim.”544f7fab8046e951

Sshim? As if that was some kind of nickname for Cheolsoo hyung, he immediately turned around at his friend’s call. Then his friend silently threw something to Cheolsoo hyung. Something small and black, like plastic. Cheolsoo easily caught it with one hand and opened his palm so I could see it too. It was a car key.a1b62c573bda32ae

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“Take your time and come back when you’re done.”af1491a7fa2a8593

When his 0d3fe40415 friend said 819bc5b22c this, Cheolsoo fb0e58e12b hyung looked d361b15657 down at f2ee6f7f44 the car 339bde45f8 key silently f4e52d80c0 and then dbe0bf74e5 gripped it 6c7092c0c0 tightly.afaecf1c3ba2cb41

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“Thanks.”0713df3439589702

“Don’t mention it. It’s an honor. Everyone would freak out if they knew you were indebted to me.”0b10c7e80508feb2

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“Stop talking nonsense.”153fcc7cf797c30e

Cheolsoo replied lightly and then brought me outside. I was slightly surprised by the fact that I had seen Cheolsoo hyung’s friend, so I didn’t think to pull my arm away even though he held onto me the whole way.2ce72cc6eb6ae9f9

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“Why Sshim?”faa07ce69b410f65

I asked, 5491b9e0fd almost running 597f464032 to keep 980beb27fc up with 5ce863b4c3 his fast a0e8416ca2 pace, and 054c8a75b8 he stopped 6becebf539 walking. I thought he d022803553 might answer, but 36044a7707 he was busy 2c1567542a looking around. It seemed f69b383a56 like he 83fc9b7f73 was searching c8320b3043 for something, 681ed94b1d then he ab4f7a61f6 set a ec5e27f201 direction and 81633e1aef walked again. After walking a short ac6389b99e distance, a white SUV 8ab4d65d51 appeared before us. It was a 32c4ca50ee well-known domestic G 693e9b5b9a brand car known 564a16f69e for its sleek d9f4427ce1 design.3217e1f5c66b210e

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Beep.282152a8794b61eb

Cheolsoo pressed the car 637bcf609d key to unlock the 8ecda4cbcc door, opened the passenger e2ff7cf358 door, and commanded.1148323b550a9b7b

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“Get in.”b7b1b4dde7389c4c

It seems like it’s his friend’s car, is it okay for me to get in?When I hesitated, 3eb35c81cc he seemed to 9dd7c03d52 read my mind 8687d21762 and urged me.f15e1699a3cc8790

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“I won’t charge you, get in.”66dbea552c74e25b

Is that what you think I’m worried about?I was about to 6ab6e5b0a0 argue, but he pushed a2db6c6d30 my back, so I e809ffc9e3 had no choice but 7357971410 to get in the 2268cf592b car.Well, it’s less than a 20-minute drive to my home anyway.I was cd125934db admiring the 6d8ff2d33e interior of e74f5fbb5d the nice 23659b6766 car, gently 4e6330a8e8 touching the 2d63475251 soft leather fba2913781 seat, and 8774f475b5 belatedly fastening 697ee0abbb my seatbelt 0ec991ad9d when I 49f5a73372 heard his 9f58bd22cc explanation.a9a6dc557f6542e0

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“That guy just arbitrarily calls people by one syllable of their name with a stressed pronunciation.”67599534fbd73abe

I realized it 342251de95 was his answer 15f36506fc about ‘Sshim.’Oh, so his name 48e2b4d858 has Shim in it?I looked at him, 0449c8144f and he stared straight 6f0d91dc14 ahead and added.88604b086f4c9f9d

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“My surname is Shim.”3942c492456850ed

“Ah… Then what’s your first name?”f13426613b2d1a9a

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After asking, I slightly regretted it. From my experience with him, there would be only one response: You don’t need to know. But his reply was unexpected.d286ecc8d4b1a9ec

“Guess.”25d09c0c8170ace4

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“Shim Cheolsoo?”20f3b7c39522a54a

He let out 8ec7451412 a short, incredulous 6ea1f36468 laugh.a6b437c3fdb9f67f

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“When you look at me, is Cheolsoo all you can think of?”a1c1b6b52583c584

“Well, yeah. When you look at me, you probably only think of Park Ryeok too.”1d4d162e7b6c4cc1

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At my 0a7d4fef76 words, Cheolsoo e8f4a05321 hyung briefly d3e3ecc75f turned to 04c1312c93 look at cb338dfff3 me. And when the 423dc89582 car stopped at ea094577c6 a traffic light, 5906cc0aea I heard the 5b7914ad19 name.8d9254105a2e774c

“Im Minha.”3fa067b048e50863

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“…”93c8fc6e2114028e

“I’m right, aren’t I?”0e181759bb638b64

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He was right. I needed to confirm it, but I couldn’t respond immediately. The way my name sounded in his voice gave me slight goosebumps. It felt really unfamiliar and ticklish. I deliberately tensed my face to hide my reaction.a370669c7b1ba901

“I thought you said you couldn’t read my handwriting because it’s terrible?”f0f9cf544b2ca653

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“Yeah, it was so terrible I thought it was a different name.”2722fb4731379d02

“What?”073fbd4774a8d63e

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“Ip Geolhwa.”9f4e963c35a43f9e

Wait, what the…591591a1d2518dc5

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“How could there be such a name in this world?”837184597989d5c7

“That’s how you wrote it.”e36e1fc4661337dd

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At his 87f9b9fe6c reproachful tone, 90afe9529f I swallowed b003201a16 my excuse. True, I do write 9995fec4e6 in a cursive, signature-like e6a16de5c6 style.b7b8b9749ae194a4

“Then how did you know my name?”63b221c56454b922

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After a brief pause, 5ef1be3e0a that characteristically gruff voice 8e905da2f8 was heard.38f92dde97104b1e

“The manager told me.”30fbfa181097835e

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Somehow, it felt like he was using the manager as an excuse. But I couldn’t really press him on how he really knew, so I also used the manager as a shield and grumbled.3db442dbe49f1469

“He never told me your name though.”f64d234df2d40750

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“Want to know?”3997d4b99a9f7ddf

“Yeah.”17d4fb4d92b41d91

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“How badly?”249517a6cc028b22

I hesitated 67ade0a6a5 for a f17e18e7b0 moment.How badly? Just the normal 20d53e5402 amount, right?The question itself 69a73afcd1 was so perplexing 05b4696ace that my response d0f5b988f6 was delayed, but 063c6e43e9 then came another 3537e9fcee question.ed325c3901c396e2

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“Desperate much?”1bc66f7f461af054

If his voice hadn’t been so serious, I might have laughed. But in the dark car, his low voice made it difficult to respond lightly unlike my usual self. Though I soon returned to my normal self.80f47a256178b8af

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“Are you some kind of government secret agent? Do I need to bet my life to ask?”86b541dd74fa215e

A short 173edaaa87 laugh escaped d78a301073 from him. While I was ea738a1bab internally relieved that 0e20c6de18 the atmosphere had 292f9783aa lightened, he said f6f6aaa67a something incredible.290a5365f47adc39

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“Your life isn’t necessary. But you’ll need to be desperate for me to tell you.”d4eea2256c303fdd

“Ha, wow…”32914c006e9ec6cc

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This time I burst 747ed5cc26 out with an incredulous 8f1f738b20 laugh.Kim Cheolsoo, I didn’t see you that way, but you can be quite childish too?f616c8d29d4c7b13

“You’re not aspiring to be a loan shark, are you? You know, the kind where you have to use your real name to receive a loan so desperate people can borrow money?”c2f8d8a70b154800

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At my speculation, 8494f2be68 he slightly twisted 5bc677cab4 his lips.2866b7e179f8bb9b

“Similar.”2065734b3c313aec

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What is? Your dream?I wracked 60eb8df739 my brain 7b655c2342 trying to 3ebc481148 think of 65b9c72997 jobs similar 0dee3c85b1 to loan 63cd96c0b4 sharks.ce671c69cbbf9c7f

“Are you in the rental business?”b3698928f2ed928a

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“No, just playing with money.”3f00fe1239e8f4a4

This time I b6b73562be tried to think 1e7f129f9e about what kind 743561fe6c of job involves f9eb2a9443 playing with money, 7efb1c3279 but could only 7e9395b880 think of stacking dd2a74aa0f coins, so I 0b17defca6 kept quiet.53bb600575cd3441

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“What about you?”8c402a457542a287

“Me?”b1975b30a7f846e4

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When he pointed at me with his finger, he turned to look at me as if to say ‘yes, you.’ I rarely received personal questions from him before, so this conversation felt weird.37e4b2c523c15df3

“My dream isn’t anything special. I just want to love painting and keep painting until I die. Ah, of course, you might think it’s easy since you can paint anytime, but loving something until the end isn’t easy, so. Uhm, I mean…”fdf827dcfc61727a

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It didn’t seem like I explained it properly, and I wondered how I should say it. And since I’d never told this to anyone, I wasn’t sure if I should. But then he said this.4b0547629150e2a6

“Continue.”fcdb7a10089781b9

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“When you 95b1096435 love something, e881ee4f27 you become 2d1df21950 greedy, right? And when you’re greedy, d8de31aa46 you eventually want to 622926a9c8 be rewarded. Whether it’s eecf3910c6 people’s attention, 2dfc797c7c recognition, or 6d81ea62a1 competition prizes. But you 766cdaa8cd can’t always 595a8b1bf2 get what 2dacf69e32 you want, a2e157a283 right? You might 9dd52809ca not get bddcc7ffec any reward 28df906df6 at all. That’s really bitter. You know what’s feac5e6d6d even more futile? When you’re frustrated, you eda07c2876 give up, and the 4dcee91e24 greed disappears. But the 0a46c1ebab problem is, 7c92ec227f the greed 12d320edef takes away a5b82ac134 the love b7a60196f4 along with ce56d6756f it.”a8601b1aff96c6f4

That’s why ambition is important. Grandfather always says that ambition for what you love is passion. When passion disappears, you start painting out of habit, and he said that’s when it’s time to put down the brush.22024553fab749aa

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“Are you afraid of the results after being ambitious?”bea57b82794b5221

“That, and I also lack the courage to follow my ambitions.”148e16324d58d817

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Courage. He muttered and 8c5bcfb97f then spoke as 6ebd003d65 if sympathizing with 620ed4a096 this part.27da079d25c0a7eb

“I lack that courage too.”29fdce8c6de6ffbd

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Was it because of his particularly subdued voice? While I felt like I had revealed a worry as small as a pebble, it felt like he had shown me a massive glacier whose end couldn’t be seen. Well, if your dream is playing with money, you’d need courage. You could end up completely broke if you mess up. I offered words of comfort, partly to lift his spirits.859ded4da649537e

“Let’s be courageous together, Mr. Shim.”ab52092f0dfdbc03

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He threw an irritated 0cbdb65c35 glance at me after 2ec81d04a9 a long time.f590455d05b3c54b

“You’re getting cheeky, Im Minha.”762cfd5d50335073

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“Ah, that name is a bit… Please call me Park Ryeok.”df3f48a3c4b1600d

That’s kind of my identity in the convenience store.08456b9f47e81cbd

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“Im Minha suits you better.”f3bcc07535f8a8a8

“Ha, no it doesn’t! Do you know how much of a Park Ryeok I am… Huh? Wait, this isn’t the right way.”2541ed27614312cb

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I belatedly 611f258869 noticed through 220f312a61 the window 9b3eb755da that we b64a797bda were going 89ad1d94a6 in a fff4913d5c different direction a37a45a632 from my 97cd7b83e8 house.5695dc59a544645d

“I know.”1e3d9e43e02607aa

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Know what?Looking back, he briefly 84aba3e651 added while staring straight a851c5ad8b ahead.e78ffc0a151533ab

“Let’s go for a drive.”f1ec153f7cdebfbb

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“Now?”1b0113b63593b9fe

“Sleep if you’re tired. I’ll wake you up.”5023806c2a20540d

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No, I’m not tired but…I mumbled and 9cb05938a5 looked out the 0c07081240 window again. The car was dark, b902372f13 but I wanted to 0587278825 hide my face that 606a5ff40b had probably stiffened from bd2a6eaf2c bewilderment. He had definitely said e2ce96c8f9 that he had business 415549c5f1 to take care of 23cac52b4f and would drop me c0d54b305c off at home.88b2ac2568a97b5e

When I heard those 4a0071b35a words, I had thrown e39db94d23 away the doubts that 22de0ae741 were filling my mind. Whether he 9cbc809ffb had really 94144138c5 left the 9b5b1d7bc2 convenience store c0b77e2e72 to his 6f3b195804 friend because d82af1dedd of me. This feeling was b1d9720e32 similar to when 02ca5e6b17 I faced Euiyun. The feeling of df2eca7256 noticing the emotions 60b79a3fc6 filling up in 7537e036c8 the other person.a530f88e23e67111

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But Euiyun was like 05c5828b5c the rippling surface of ffdc00305d water to me. I wanted to just c649a31a6e keep backing away, uncomfortable 4c5fe2abb9 with the fear of b8c770d082 it overflowing. In contrast, Cheolsoo 9ebf1ba42e hyung was like 3bcc55c222 a protruding frozen 606786ae35 glacier. It was scary not eb45db511e being able to gauge 78d4d703cb how much larger the 23d5f7ef47 glacier beneath might be, 83ed4b8053 but I wanted to 7b8689b7b5 keep looking at it, 4d8c5a845b and wanted to touch 806c13c36a it too.77854f72a361e4a0

Of course, all of this could be my misunderstanding. The thrilling fantasy that he might have good feelings, perhaps even more than that, towards me. I didn’t want to break this. I don’t know why I’m like this either. It was unfamiliar and somewhat embarrassing that I reacted differently only to Cheolsoo hyung. As if compromising with myself forcefully, I asked him.064a813ff4b4ac62

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“What about your business?”cf28677e6c304fc5

“I’m taking care of it now.”c9e4168b0cf264be

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Taking me home? Or just a 8ec839e065 simple drive?I needed to ask efd58d9af1 clearly and break the 22e6c2c87e fantasy, but I was 0133ab4b3d too scared and stopped 26b6e243c6 there. Instead, I looked out 72319cfac8 the window again. The good thing 8190334b37 about holidays is f10adb27c9 that cars and c1cca1b0f8 people disappear from 619b60045a the city like 5e12e126da an ebbing tide. The road was empty 0d7f27a6bf like a deserted national 7eb2b1d11a highway.e6c71041ba0282f0

“Don’t like it?”b9999eef6ce2476c

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Despite his blunt tone, that question fueled my fantasy again because if he were his usual self, he wouldn’t ask for my opinion but would just coldly say ‘If you don’t like it, get out.’ When I hesitated, not knowing how to answer, he glanced at me briefly from the corner of his eye.4110b266a974a4d1

“Tired?”104fffa68ca2dc8b

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“A little. But it’s not polite to sleep in the passenger seat…”84dba06875b114ca

“You can sleep.”c8b67dfba08c6e1a

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He quickly cut 95d454e9c7 off my words c87ef883dd and added as 89f6e1ccd1 if scolding me,cdb73059cebfb390

“I don’t care about that kind of politeness, so sleep.”d0afe1fa112a0aaa

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Come on, how can I sleep? When I don’t even know where we’re going …? Where are we going?685e5ab09aedc0ee

“Are you heading somewhere?”b09879e3d2f95f52

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“Yeah.”2a00c36f379e8d42

He should have told 9fc1766fba me the destination by 13aeb1a066 now, but no matter 8a73c9acb9 how long I waited, a468f85544 there was no explanation. I couldn’t hold back 96c23f0349 and was about to 9e5cbabc90 ask, but I missed daed7e3a56 the timing again.5d60d5a4773a7a0d

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“I’ll wake you when we arrive.”9b64abf9181fbf75

He kept b260dbc086 encouraging me 9cfa9fc087 to sleep. Hey, do you think I’m someone who just sleeps all the time?Just as d2fbff24b6 I was a9bc60b392 starting to ce3854a587 feel disgruntled, d48870c670 I immediately 162683376f fell asleep. In my defense, I d802f9b0a4 was really tired. I had worked 02a680f320 for 12 hours, e1397773dc gone home, then d3e3cbd2e7 rushed back to 97e642bad6 the convenience store. And I 073cb41f6a seemed to b121ea04cc have slept bfc8dc484b really well.d8ee23e2e95bcd47

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Expensive cars must really be different, the ride was so smooth that when I briefly came to, I couldn’t tell if I was at home or in the car. But I soon realized I had woken up somewhere that wasn’t home. The air was different. The smell carrying the cold dawn air gave me the first sense of unfamiliarity.bc274f7260b982fc

The atmosphere touching my skin was all strange. While trying to understand the situation with my eyes barely open from drowsiness, I belatedly realized I was in the car. All the windows were wide open. That was why I could smell the unfamiliar scent. But the sky was still dark, so I couldn’t see outside properly.8fc7a86a04b95d58

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Where the 38cf0735c2 car was 3d09e07fe8 parked seemed 7d030a60d6 to be edba72ba90 slightly outside 2f77480c71 the realm 1e3d530546 of streetlights, db591d5ee1 which were 478f1c0e22 sparse.Where is this? As I was about to raise my body, I belatedly saw someone standing in front of the car. Although they were standing away from the car in a darker spot, I could tell who it was just by the tall figure’s back view.c6fee6fd25407031

When I 061f09353c spotted Cheolsoo 7f0c5e092f hyung, all 1935f5cd50 anxiety seemed c4d8fe06e4 to dissipate c98ae96c13 as relief b0cc127f46 rushed in. Then, as I was 5713245223 belatedly coming to my fbfe23cbd2 senses and raising my 03fe9641dd upper body, I hesitated. Along with the unfamiliar ee86b7121d air, a sound was 76dc59e4ce also coming in.  It 32a1a0c3f8 wasn’t loud, but I e8a3e34c10 definitely recognized it.72cad35654841d5e

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Swoosh~ Splash.5133f92330f5a162

It was the 5e46d6910d sound of waves. I was 395434acdd momentarily dazed b7dd4b8776 by the 35d65e7f4e unexpected greeting 33e63f6c34 from the 56d286135c sea. I held my breath 0a5c10e61a in surprise as I 1c4eb6a7d1 belatedly realized the destination f243f0c19d of this drive. I remained 7287b7c9d5 frozen for 707ab86f4c a while, 0869da152f fixing my 080bb54238 gaze on 3816e84597 his back da7150dbef figure. If I went out eadba9a81f and called him now, c24f7f1f1c I felt like I 71c6baabd3 might burst into tears a6a4556db7 and make a fool 5329f5048e of myself.1a75d9168006d6a3

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I don’t know why he brought me here. He wouldn’t know how much the sound of waves meant to me, so it was probably just a casual thought. Maybe he acted on impulse when he heard about waves while wanting to go for a drive. But he wouldn’t have known that the result would take my breath away.c669430aca639a6d

The gentle sound f1e154c22a of waves announced ae1ca096cc the presence of 5babf85f61 a vast, invisible 2152bdea67 ocean beyond that fc16e73163 darkness. How deep blue, c6f22662d5 how deep, how 5e31b1f894 vast. But right now, only 40b22ce61e the backside of one 797c9ffd81 person, looking like a 1f7e545b98 black silhouette, caught my 8c5651c524 eye.b3279da446e38320

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The human figure, infinitely a0c7df6450 small compared to the 5e7c72e102 ocean, looked like a 3ca1aa185f giant to me. As if tall enough 3c9c7ee8e2 to reach the moon, 0d8646de8a like he could break dd4246a3e2 off a piece of 9114591d8b it. The comfort he dae93efd49 gave me right 351beba586 now was exactly 1bfb5d140c like that. It felt like receiving df09c86a9f that piece of moon 23df0d7977 as a gift in 16142870c1 my hands.75d30c75cc4a74aa

Maybe it’s because it’s a holiday. I was trying to suppress my emotions by holding my breath. But then as he turned his body, his gaze happened to turn and stop in my direction. Even though the car interior where I was must be dark and he probably couldn’t see me well, it felt like he was staring directly at me. Did he really know I was awake?fe4d23254d7ff3b6

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Then he e761097062 slowly walked d1007d8b0d towards me. He stood 5850973514 at the 28ce0a801a open window b744166bb4 and placed fc403f0191 his hand a0442336a2 on the ea49e9463e window frame, c06075cfa0 bending down. This time 77cf205076 our eyes 2df02e2bfe definitely met. He was too 380450831f close. Although the dawn air 49cfc4d94d was definitely cool, at 1ecc2efaa3 this moment it felt a1d8fa345b like being in an 203d73b3f5 airless sealed room.696fa18cf8893743

I don’t know why I was so nervous. Not wanting to show it, I hastily opened my mouth. I swear these words came out without passing through my brain,428ae32b94822da8

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“It smells fishy.”e17c34810fd16b7d

Cheolsoo hyung’s eyebrow twitched again. How can he move just one eyebrow so well? It’s amazing.I put a36d8c2a1f aside my f649c13b3e momentary admiration. I quickly badecf1183 added words 7e0f550750 to make c3f5fda271 up for 6baaac2c5a my mistake.20dc946a7d7a7784

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“Where is this?”c3a922db75654554

“The sea.”fd4adc67c933ee19

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“I know that. I can hear it.”c990223dc81141ab

“What can you hear?”91e1a4480d6c0cd3

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I twisted my upper 0c3bece505 body backward, trying to fdf939e353 create some distance.62032b1e4dc1bd6e

“The sound… of waves.”05c85869e2a1a974

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“Right.”c860bdae86736bd2

He straightened 6ed3eeb117 up and 79aa29bb5c stepped back 210dfd1508 as if e7a4c82336 that had 781ffc0df4 been his 14d81cb4c1 purpose all 90aad7c62f along. Then he returned 4ab40fc11a to his original 3ed314899c spot and gazed 041391bd11 at the dark 5ea473e138 sea. I inhaled quietly, 1dab2726e1 trying to relax 7e29ca4ce0 my tense body. Scolding myself 2cbc897373 repeatedly for a70138b552 acting unlike 82e073cf78 myself, I bdd736a873 opened the 3c1bc8a1fe door and 7059ec1aaa went to 53083126af stand beside 89e8737e74 Cheolsoo hyung.0ae0f6741d024c16

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Even though I wasn’t looking at his side, his presence made me so nervous that my skin felt itchy. Fortunately, once I stepped outside, the seaside air hit me more forcefully, enveloping me and reducing my tension. The sound of waves was also more distinct now.fa68e023640d3ecb

“The moon is so diligent. Even in the middle of the night when no one is watching, it’s working hard to stir the sea.”be70fb68a392fdd4

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This was nonsense again, but at least it was a thought-out comment. I needed to lighten the mood with such remarks to stop myself from trembling. Yes, strangely my fingertips were trembling, and I clasped my hands tightly behind my back. I wasn’t sure if this trembling was due to the emotion he stirred in me or because of him himself. Right now, I mostly just didn’t want him to notice that I wasn’t acting normal.60af1b08c49db618

“Yeah, needlessly so.”d8b32583aaa81ffc

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He responded coldly. I, who had spoken first, shook my head thinking that wasn’t right.939772cd864818a2

“Not needlessly. If there’s even one person listening, it has meaning.”5f519b11b7fd0dcd

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I could feel him looking in my direction. I thought he would ask whether it had meaning, but there was no question. Actually, since waking up in this unfamiliar place, I had many questions. Where is this place, can we return by morning, did he bring me to the sea because of me, does he perhaps… have feelings for me?dc65427254346902

But I didn’t want to ask practical questions. While listening to the sound of the sea and watching the dark waves, it seemed wasteful to tarnish this moment with such words. As I continued gazing forward, I understood why Cheolsoo hyung had been standing silently. My mind emptied, and everything felt peaceful. So it was only after quite some time that I finally uttered something practical.fd3443350cbe0bb2

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“Hyung.”908b7e833ee45b1d

I still wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel that he had been watching me all along.750a834219f17f2b

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“Thanks.”1888fee0d20db158

I mumbled, releasing my 5d33a3b165 hands from behind my 8ac1d863d7 back and stretching one d8c92f010a to the side. My gaze 8479be3b52 still fixed 8e2094c82d straight ahead, 5c056043f5 I moved 2458544adc my hand 6b97746c33 that way. Because Cheolsoo hyung df0c35f460 was wearing his 09c8366891 usual uniform-like short-sleeved c8f473a639 shirt even in 49a3163846 this weather, my 77ce4f4ac9 fingertips touched his 5ca98d73ac skin. I fumbled along 8920270e9d his firm arm, a9838f1c9c moving down until 46ee37d920 I held his 39a19463b7 hand.ce46d48989c43165

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I don’t know why I did that. When I belatedly realized what I had done, I was embarrassed, but I summoned my courage and didn’t let go. As the price for my courage, my heart felt like it would jump out through my mouth. If there was any consolation, it was that the darkness hid how red my face must have been.a4db61928aff3f72

Though my face and heart felt like they would burst, all my attention was focused on my hand. I remained still, holding his larger hand. At first, the large hand showed no movement, like a mannequin’s. Then it twitched hesitantly. The twitch transmitted clearly through my hand.add077a7460e0b79

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But that was all. He didn’t hold my hand back. After staying like that for a while, he twisted his body and coldly pulled his hand away.0559a643d6be7aaf

“It’s late.”1bda9933c22ca4fd

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That one 594e78483b phrase was d62cae7912 his only 3cefac0f1f response. Belatedly regaining my 01d7dbcd68 senses, I deliberately 3f8378d553 replied loudly.b75754318b7c33f8

“Ah, yes, we, we should go!”50d1f88a6223ab4b

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In the car on the way back, I kept my eyes closed the entire time. But I wasn’t asleep. With a clear mind, I just pretended to sleep by closing my eyes. Thinking it was the price I had to pay for my embarrassing act, I couldn’t help it, but somehow I also felt incredibly, deeply sad.f60f44cef5c9f593

***3f773deac440341c

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I spent a few days seriously contemplating what this feeling was. Was I just moved by Cheolsoo hyung’s kindness? It was so unlike him, after all. Maybe I had fallen completely into a trap set by the holiday melancholy and was mistaken.3e7cf92d47a97100

So I tried to find various excuses to avoid one hypothesis at all costs: that I had come to like him. At the time, I half-considered myself asexual so I was convinced it couldn’t be love, and I also had an aversion to love due to the sense of loss from losing my parents.ae5ff74e4f224677

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But the biggest reason was Kim Cheolsoo himself, who might be an Alpha and had many secrets. Since he didn’t hold my hand back and let it go, I felt rejected even before confessing. Going further would only cause pain. I think I made that judgment instinctively.d8a5cf911301bfd4

So when the manager 2e80b6b558 introduced a new night 16f3e65655 shift part-timer a few f012ad473e days after the holiday 39a683d8a6 break, despite an indescribable faa605254a great disappointment, there was e8e14476b7 also relief in one fc0c6bfb1b corner of my heart.1717ba639a3fc5cd

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“Did Cheolsoo hyung quit?”89c0e8102c1fe4f1

I had hoped 342288f5df until the end 6d4692fe5c that the answer 4de00bb3f8 would be that d9e0c5089d he was just 0242792d95 a temporary replacement. But the 12f84970ab manager immediately ce952e7fce nodded.dc7b0e0c5cabeaec

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“Yes, something came up at home so he says he can’t work nights anymore. There’s some issue with Cheolsoo’s grandfather…”385fffa79924ce0f

He didn’t give a detailed explanation but shook his head with a displeased expression. Ah, could f2a5c193c7 it be 17ee5516ae because of 3e4c468c93 me? Hope rose again. Even though I wasn’t certain about my feelings for him, this hope grew obnoxiously large. However, the manager was exceptionally skilled at breaking the mood.5c7d42634e3647ad

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“But it’s strange. Before, he used to come to work even when there were problems with his grandfather, so I don’t know why he’s suddenly using that excuse.”dc5f76c24fa6e329

…Maybe it is because of me. I swallowed a sigh 8a4edf64ae and berated myself.Stupid, why 4b0e181e89 did you 6cf9977833 suddenly grab 170b189288 his hand e4e5fe5fd0 then?If I were a019dd6d1b Cheolsoo hyung, I 5860aa8b92 would have been 4eae94086f disgusted too. How creepy would 2ad9847d0c it be if ac97ff7503 someone you showed c91d3bd694 kindness to with 1085010dd0 no particular feelings 799c11adf0 suddenly held your ae86fd5287 hand?b48cc65c7776a340

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The entire way home, and even after I got home and lay on my bed, I kicked at the air in embarrassment. At that time, it felt like I couldn’t overcome it without such self-reproach. It seemed like I could barely stop my emotions only by doing this. So I lived diligently, going between school and work. After more than a month had passed, when I thought of Kim Cheolsoo, I felt more like cursing than nostalgia.530c37bdc54dca14

Just because I 7a7ac5bd52 held his hand! He should have just 7e16f0c533 thought of it as a5177835cf a handshake!8a14aba2dfd9bc7a

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Just when 7ac213258f I thought 22d799ec3b I had e19ed0c1ec overcome it eecfa8c430 rather bravely, 44d0e55025 with just b630d75f29 a few 10fe05dbc9 days left 6edeafa5fc before vacation, 6b6a18cdb1 the manager fe455318a1 suddenly proposed,3a288395173c2524

“Ryeok-ah, let’s have a company dinner.”42ead243acc30288

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I silently 8878249e07 looked at 349d336f42 him and 1df0b9f605 then carefully 5664bd1a20 advised,9995324695b3042a

“If you want to drink, just go drink alone. So many people drink alone these days.”82a8432ac2853889

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At my a5a9a75b3d words, the 7b3d2bbc03 manager clutched fd17375146 his head f019b1101e in distress.d54d629b5df46da0

“Ah, I’m too introverted to drink alone! And I need an appointment to drink with dignity.”59bbf8ee3f046bd3

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“I don’t want to be the victim of that appointment.”859f656f4a24afdb

“Victim? You’re the main character. You’re quitting soon, right? You’re going home during vacation, and you might not be able to work next semester.”7e7778966caf38a7

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I nodded. In my second year, 1f63228b71 I wanted to focus 05ecd72b34 more on painting. How difficult it had f21ada5dec been throughout my first 686e195e22 year without time to 7a0858ed8b do assignments.f020e92d5ac4fc1d

“It’s your last eea7d978d0 day, so we 59c877172c should have a 69f71b3e1c farewell party.”e6a52de405ae13df

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I was about to say it wasn’t necessary and to give me a bonus instead, when he added as if he had just remembered,9e509de7bb36e9c2

“Oh, there’s one more person coming to the farewell party. Cheolsoo is coming too.”f85bbd2c6cab131b

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I froze. I was holding a e5413213b4 box I had been f453a9dbbe organizing, then pretended to 103bec8732 be nonchalant and asked 147d48ec14 back.328d06b8137560fa

“Which Cheolsoo?”0135b713c620eb33

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“Which Cheolsoo? The night shift Kim Cheolsoo… well, there are many Cheolsoos. I mean the Kim Cheolsoo who worked with you for a long time. The one who quit recently.”2e633d953034487e

“…He said he’s coming?”f7bdfa38019d0e86

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“Ah, yes. He said he’d come since it’s your farewell party.”f00c8a70ead9d595

After that, the manager talked excitedly about the dinner for a long time, but it sounded like a buzzing noise and I couldn’t hear properly. My heart, which had been fine for over a month, was pounding again as if it were broken.ecb03e5ea4a4890e

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***913d972fa5461171

As the time for the company dinner approached, my broken heart raced more wildly. The truth is, I hadn’t had an ambiguous relationship with Cheolsoo hyung or been in a tense emotional tug-of-war. We just went to the beach once, that’s all.0e29fc5dddf3e31a

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Yet I felt pathetic for being so conscious of him like this. Moreover, even as I entered the restaurant for the dinner, I couldn’t let go of my expectations. I had created dozens of scenarios in my head, preparing for how to treat him after seeing him for the first time in a long while.fd577f16d3ea2594

In the end, it was all in vain. When I arrived at the bar, he wasn’t there. There were only the manager and other part-timers.4bd715b5571f3cfa

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“Ah, Cheolsoo? I think Cheolsoo can’t come. I told him to come even for a moment if he had time…”e159ca61c16d4d35

Another person named Cheolsoo, who was sitting nearby, interrupted with a face reddened by alcohol, asking, “Me?” The manager laughed and said it was good to have many Cheolsoos, talking nonsense even though he wasn’t drunk yet. I swallowed my disappointment and sat down.49f6516584b00cad

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After getting rid of my expectations, I ate diligently at the meat restaurant for about an hour and emptied about one bottle of soju. My tolerance is higher, but maybe because I wasn’t in a good mood that day, just one bottle was already making my head feel a bit foggy. Fortunately, when I get drunk, I close my mouth.3a8e36fcc76cc079

So whether people 450841cf97 were laughing and 634ad0941b chatting or not, 4747d99dea I just stared 45a4d23f7c at the grill. Among those a554dc52bf pieces of b2817481e1 meat, there 77f5271208 were only 99216da811 a few 999cdaefc4 of my 8704623443 favorite scallops b2a5d3a3ce left. But I was 660aee68b3 too self-conscious to 6040203a23 eat them all 1b9dcde165 myself. Even though ca0c362154 I was 3bfb98fe9e tipsy, I 873bb6d336 knew it e4c366bfaf would be fe1107e0ce impolite to 0fc76e64b2 selectively pick 9f6a02a14c out just 81dbd951f2 the scallops.6f36a2b07a678e62

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Being so focused on the scallops, I didn’t immediately notice the latecomer to our party. While debating whether I should rescue a scallop from among the sizzling meat, I saw people half-rising from their seats and freezing.584d6471668d542e

Everyone except the manager had awkward expressions on their faces as they looked in one direction. I turned my head too. That’s when I saw the stoic face greeting the manager.ddef5044cef1b10b

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“Cheolsoo! I thought you couldn’t come? Good you came, good! Wait, we need to order more meat and drinks!”8da19fadf6b59da7

The manager 103dd8208b excitedly kept cd996d42f7 pressing the eddab50731 order bell.fe21333b1b8a63e7

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“No drinks for me. I brought my car.”b5cc2740020b487b

Cheolsoo hyung, who 386e58e918 had greeted the 2743aab00b manager, finally turned cd55cff30c his head and 2f2ce948d7 looked down at f3672da296 me. I just 784a677c50 blinked at ae40a1e492 him. Since I 8007ae6890 remained silent, cd79262394 he greeted 1fd55ed231 me as 8458b244a2 he sat 8d34e43c58 down beside 304a8b2976 me.a37fd7c67696c451

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“It’s been a while.”6e014bf09e595cf4

“Yes.”74a51ac2505fa0b0

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I nodded and turned my gaze back to the grill. Though he was the person I had been waiting for, I wasn’t as nervous as I had been at first. Rather, I felt a bit resentful. Like someone who was sulking, I didn’t look at him and instead focused my attention on finding another love.346d55e4f41fcefe

Scallops! My only love 484da954fe is scallops!ae7ccffda6ca2950

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Inwardly exclaiming this, I quickly pulled one scallop that looked like it was about to burn toward my side. Wouldn’t it be okay to eat one more at this point? Carefully, I moved the scallop to my plate without anyone noticing and hid it under a sesame leaf.d011e111ea196f5b

Then, while still 93dbeb27ea looking only at 0051a47ff5 the grill, I c5e989b85d silently moved the 8e8760f99c remaining scallops toward 8e7f0b122e me. Still, I fc91b20d01 could feel 41e8712c57 a gaze 35c718f244 that occasionally b40102d6d2 watched me. No, that might be a2d30b255c my imagination too. So what? I have scallops!72bfee78c2843ac2

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As I was edbf04e6f7 enjoying my own 2279b3ce95 private party while 3032408752 drunk, I heard b916ae1bcf a voice ordering.6f7e1e6a0fee0c9e

“Bring us more soju glasses.”8c7b303c6ea5eed7

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Cheolsoo hyung was speaking 762a108613 to the employee who 5ac6e42e11 was bringing drinks. When I just dd56f19ac8 stared blankly again, 835fae566a he briefly said 353325ee8a to me.30a3b9ee813a0899

“Drink more.”f179b8ae602cb6d2

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“…”03e58b5ea2725fff

Though my mouth wasn’t glued shut, I turned my head without responding again. I couldn’t help it if he thought I was angry. I felt both happy and embarrassed to see him, and it hurt. My emotions were tangled like a complex thread inside my chest.79913a64da432bb4

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But I couldn’t just keep staring at the glasses as everyone was drinking. People kept trying to talk to me. They had so many questions, asking one after another even when I gave short answers.010762148ec23cb1

“As an art student, don’t you lack time for assignments? How do you manage to work part-time?”41ae7ea87916485e

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“I just manage somehow.”59baa91d763fc527

“Ah, art school must have high material costs, right? And expensive tuition too.”237282e91a75c87c

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I nodded politely, and d31097ba11 sympathetic gazes flew my e923b87112 way. I quickly 4587d8689c let them 1e4aa8836d know it ecf4e331ce was fine.b3480dcb520f7d4c

“Tuition isn’t a problem. I have enough in my account for all 4 years.”a5bd0577a1c9fddb

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“Oh, so you’re rich then.” Someone said with a laugh, and I shook my head.b0cc9796450fe0d0

“I’d rather not use it if possible. It’s insurance money from when my parents died in a car accident.”ee943ff91eeff76a

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A heavy silence fell. Though I 9e2fadffc8 was half-drunk, 1ac06a4aad I immediately 5ca2c43202 thought‘oh no’ – I’d been through this situation several times before. I shouldn’t have said that. So I didn’t mention that my grandmother was also in that car and now lies unconscious for years. Fortunately, there were no more questions directed at me after that.001e9a4c50a3f4fa

I wondered 45871dcca3 if people 282d3e90db would look a269b09507 at me 4dd33c6172 with pity, aecf5d2139 but when a08303041c I raised ac9579fd58 my eyes, 5f59723ccd no one 1affa007ec met my 2062cf2d31 gaze. No, there was f08f4dcad4 one person. Kim Cheolsoo b2878d24d8 hyung looked 8a3ba62d67 at me. I quickly turned c61fce46b4 away, worried there db4b1a69db might be sympathy f0fecc92d1 in his eyes.f68cff8f45d798d7

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Then I seemed to spend a long time blankly watching people talk. At some point, Cheolsoo hyung’s hand caught my attention. That hand was gripping a small glass of drink so tightly it looked like it might break. Wondering why, I turned to look, but he was watching the TV news with an expressionless face.e828759acdd361cd

We were 09ed8e7aee close to ff6e258c28 the TV 49dd659c66 so the 2f66866a39 sound was 8ed50db742 clear. But the 32e1f3de67 large text 11e2872f1d summarizing the 4bdfad9633 article at 75164cf389 the bottom 930683bea6 of the baf06e6479 screen caught 37bec07485 my eye c437f5941a first.be059ae2d36dad46

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‘Will Mirae Group become the winner of this chicken game¹?’917a0a0b9d1b4bc1

The news was fd0db7c26f about a recent ae7cb554e0 hot topic that c14ec2ed2b I also knew f6bddba574 about. At its center cc9f58a781 was a mineral 3e70f09a5a called A, which 1279693b84 had become a 446a109cf2 raw material for fd1ab98ca9 recent trending industries. Last year, another 548b173ef3 domestic company announced d66bfdeb31 they had contracted c412c5d502 to receive this 4058475553 mineral at a 514f109e11 fixed price for 1119b105ea the next 10 fb4bc1acf2 years from a a9c3adaa29 certain country for 5b279f3b3d stable supply.a6d705e000c7e262

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Mirae, being 32915da4d9 in the b5737eef4d same business e477998528 as that c471b34ff6 company, had 616045e8a1 already bought b11eb51630 development rights 5ac0283078 for mineral a2d5f0e09e A several b66fe7af4d years ago fd89367b06 and was 05cd4fe918 developing it. And fortunately, the deposit afa4e472d4 amount was enormous, and 8996832af6 they began full-scale mining 8a7b9bf004 early this year. Afterwards, Mirae flooded the 8e79bbc61a market with mineral A, 3b373861e6 drastically lowering the price.76284848a10872b4

As a 52e5c74d5b result, the da999718cc other company 6632e3dfa1 that contracted 42f734909a to buy a83418a1aa the raw efe354426c material at 335eceac44 a high adadcad14d price for 4e143ff412 10 years 46cbe6652f was in 98c203dcd8 chaos. In just one e6bb00c2a7 year, their deficit 514f0ac0f5 had grown to 6e877a0ddb an unmanageable level, 7248c99b26 and forecasts suggested 12d3747d11 losses could reach 58d2865fae trillions of won c8feaaea6c if they continued 03c587e918 receiving raw materials 30a6de8dbe at this price e57ddb2365 for the next 3a0f8c2faf 10 years.f15f30b5f962f5b4

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Some said Mirae was cruelly wielding its blade to eliminate competitors. There was criticism that they shouldn’t cut down a fellow domestic company like this. Moreover, while people thought Mirae was taking losses by supplying raw materials at low prices, it turned out that wasn’t the case.b1e5a683a89f5159

Criticism intensified 87a0ae3ecb recently when b7cf0bbe70 rumors spread c271f55474 that hedge 11418b945f funds related ff3408bf37 to Mirae 53c3aecd4f had bet 1f64af6d4b on the 72625cc02e weakness of 2c058a9458 raw material 799de412e3 prices. It seemed more 5982ed87d5 than just a 174107fd66 rumor since Mirae 6b71a66fd3 kept quiet about 4c6b6b4cf4 it instead of 9ed2ffbdbc explaining, fueling more b0b3c093fc suspicions. And the 1b391ed341 person at 29d32d9db0 the center 0e3de2c86c of these a1df8ac7ad rumors was d2f52216bb now appearing ba2c66306c on the e49b04bb5c news screen. The caption changed as 667a694f56 her interview appeared.9f0affb82dac5ea6

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‘Mirae’s Chairwoman Bae Ian unexpectedly shows her displeasure.’f33e495330f52d9a

A woman with an d4c57b0575 expressionless face was answering 054ef60221 reporters waiting in front 379d6abe01 of the headquarters building.ded54f40cfa82e8b

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‘What we consider d62dddab38 most important is c5c57a8310 the interests of 383b82be27 our shareholders. There’s no bb74676490 reason to 1ca5ebd485 consider the b625bf10da circumstances of b7cb04fe2b a poorly e4416cafa9 managed company 3251eab5c2 out of 33496e6343 patriotism.’83bf3a34582b98fb

Her cold voice 9b00979b69 held no emotion, c2356807fc but strangely, I 8b7fe0ea22 felt like she 3de70a2fa3 was annoyed. Maybe it was 86883d7c07 because I had 5d37acaf5a observed someone who e767c10674 rarely showed emotions 79c47a3537 so closely.a7532f8d7d1959cf

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And Cheolsoo hyung, 316f81c837 watching the news afc3513470 now, was also 93e6b9f8a2 expressionless but full 0c450ec7a2 of some emotion. It was 87e30fbf6e similar to b162ffcd49 what I cb5e568bbb had seen d611db3e93 at the 15cabb12c7 theater. I didn’t know why 43a2d45164 he was watching the f6477e3e1f news with such hatred.d1fee17ad7c5310a

That evening, what I remember most is Cheolsoo hyung’s expression. Although it was a meeting I had been waiting for, we barely talked that day. I don’t remember much after that. I had a few more drinks and became like a mute doll, and I vaguely remember Cheolsoo hyung taking me home.95a41a6622a373b3

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When I’m drunk and become like a doll, I follow others’ words well. Thanks to that, I hazily remember being held by his arm, going home, and lying down obediently on the bed. But though I lay down, my eyes were open. Then I heard a command mixed with a sigh from beside me.aa5a2ce3300836b5

“Close your eyes and sleep.”74189b4a9b6170d7

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Ah, eyes. Should close them, 1fdcf9989c right. And soon darkness enveloped me. So I couldn’t be sure if the feeling of someone stroking my hair and his voice were real or my imagination because Cheolsoo hyung would never speak with such an anguished voice.2d0cec2c695121a8

“Why do you keep making me want more?”c9d8b005332f8464

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a4005e0e1d7d4d5c