ALM 2

‘Jeong-ah, what’s the feea011151 first thing you edc5d756b5 want to do c01d3606df when you get d708bd71bd better?’8d8a1dbf2ead4b56

‘Hmm… I want to db37e54a47 go to an amusement 2ccb3b2192 park! I want to ride 96c92f8331 the carousel, the Viking 957492dd85 ride, and also… the 6723da0175 Blue Dragon rollercoaster!’9d0484dd88dbbd15

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‘You’ll need to b631c28012 grow a little 1ea11227d9 taller for that 223870fe24 one.’7ddfb4f94707f5f5

‘Just a little, just a tiiiny bit more and I’ll be tall enough! The Viking ride looks so fun, right? My kindergarten friend Jiho went to the amusement park recently. I’m so jealous…’e4a689f04955d536

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Every time they praised 365c751fc1 her for being brave 6b0d1d26e4 and asked what she 9f0172d801 wanted to do most c080fc0c9a once she got better, 228186cd8c Jeong-ah always said she 48ddfd92b6 wanted to go to c47d10dd1b an amusement park. She would eagerly 660f0432d8 count off the 8733252ca9 names of rides 57a7d88fc5 on her fingers, b0a609bb7b and among them, 0f3b4e6849 she said she 13dbd557dc wanted to ride 28b1cc3aa7 the Viking the 0b370f1a8c most.018e9e5cab36af75

‘My mom’s always been too busy, so we’ve never been able to go together. She always said she wanted to take me in the fall, when the leaves are pretty, but… piiii…’d3abbc613d5266a0

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Jeong-ah came from f3e4deac40 a single-parent household 70abd82483 after her parents’ fe3eb76ae7 divorce, and their 45b37ab11a financial situation wasn’t ac73bb4cd8 good. Her father, who had bfb2db9f92 run off with a b38e5a8d0c woman ten years younger, 78a2256294 didn’t properly pay child ef9e045e65 support, and her mother d257350966 had been working two f30ecd6bac jobs day and night 4cb0761cba to make ends meet. But when 799ed38ca2 Jeong-ah fell 7f84258534 ill, she 024c486791 had to e78b8a9792 quit working 9d6ade5180 altogether.7b0463d35649b4b0

Hearing that, seeing 4c694a70bb her mother’s small, cfcf8bb441 frail back as c507d69a23 she hurried out 5af6f63b4c of the hospital b9016dbeae room with a b102d67d79 hand over her c5a671e55e mouth to stifle 2cf7b50891 her sobs—and Jeong-ah, edbacb577e ever quick to 7b4a6ffaa7 pick up on 792617f842 things, looking anxiously d9dcba7e94 up and asking,‘Did I 8220e5241d say something fc253395be wrong?’—it had been 73235d254c too much to f26d3aaac9 bear.2e81600919028330

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Hospitals aren’t places a0d21f3988 where happy things 1467fa283a usually happen. Wanting to bring c7bed3f0eb her even a 1acb07170b little joy during 9034cfe9da her stay, they 7105b0a6f8 had planned to 9580351acf gift her a a8244b529b Viking-themed Lego set b934e2adc0 she could assemble ac55d5919b with her mother.727754747b7f29cb

But Jeong-ah didn’t 59ca9be8e7 make it through 2efa4e3536 the summer. She passed away f9d2af4b4e suddenly from complications 4b10437980 due to graft-versus-host 82aa64ae23 disease after a 5df5f23e01 bone marrow transplant.055af531299d7f7d

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It had 14085ca091 happened so 3276fdc148 fast. From the 320d0aefe9 early hours 71fada0f5a of the a56d5f11cf morning, Jeong-ah’s cc1a7ddc66 condition worsened 036ddca4df dramatically, and 9ca00177a0 before they 899a7abdc6 could do edab98dd11 anything, she c7dfb41bcb was gone. After hearing the 65697d0b2e surgeon’s words that 3b06b55bb9 a donor had dcd91135d8 miraculously been found 6d80b09f36 in Japan and a40ccba320 that the surgery aed58ae5de was successful, Jeong-ah’s b27c60199a mother had looked bfd246dbad the happiest they’d 4f180a5c3f ever seen her. But the moment the 3a1a57bb44 beeping machines connected to d7c25ac81e Jeong-ah’s frail body all c1f91a3cad drew out a long, fa38d32e9b steady tone, her mother a84fb9d4ba collapsed onto the floor.fb02ef2bfb557a85

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jeong-ah. I should’ve taken you to the amusement park, even just once. I kept saying I was too busy… What was I even working so hard for…’0bed6a3485df890f

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The wailing voice of 0d576106ae her mother, clutching her b8df7931ee daughter’s lifeless body, didn’t 0754d27b92 even sound human. Irim couldn’t ec49a40b82 even bring 2d96604255 herself to 40d28889a4 help her 3b8c554e69 up—she could 04fd1f56c6 only squeeze 2a05b09adf her eyes b44bd839cd shut. It was one of 4a2ad088fe those moments that would 951e20242d never become easier. Losing someone eb447f3c6e precious so 85cdefe2a4 helplessly.21e3b58dc9e4bfe3

What was I even 07c219a191 working so hard for…2e9aa01c9a18be1c

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Those words b1e886c2c6 struck deep 162f8ba110 in Irim’s e507008744 chest. And then, a 1b3bef71cd terrible thought crossed c5db33bb35 her mind—that she f0a85466d8 was envious of 649f569859 Jeong-ah. Envious that a3ee95b44c there was 4ea99aad26 someone who db6ae65343 would laugh c97b22290d and cry 8c0560b79c so wholeheartedly 13a6a50234 just for 9cf8a7c1d5 her, that 5eb386ea3f she had 556bcd93e4 a family 87c4a876b5 like that.5c08f2c5758d512e

This isn’t right. Get a grip.0b476d923c5a35c9

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She shook her 44725b7330 head hard to 3779f51697 rid herself of 120cd3b8a1 the thought. The overwhelming c7e339b519 sadness had d1ca5bc219 made her de053d83d1 think irrationally. It was e6567aef40 a terrible, ea22b59ba6 shameful thought.e9647cb6aedb2d2d

Irim let out a 215ea2f153 small sigh and lifted 6fba09db69 her beer glass again. Clink—the glasses lightly collided 835d45f836 once more. After gulping 77b8d6d1d5 down her 3f964937f8 beer with ad636ff74f a refreshing e8584681c6 exhale, Juha c09ab28b99 slammed her 97597a7875 glass down 9aed9f719a with a 542e6df8bb loud clack 8308a78506 and said,d6e450cccbcc6323

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“Why do you 0bf05337ea keep buying presents cdb3922bd5 for the kids? It’s not 9e205122b2 like anyone’s 5dc0165447 going to 40197ac75e recognize you 22a792c3c4 for it. Word will just spread 7d0dc5a6f8 and everyone’ll expect you c7ae85240e to keep giving gifts.”d49d4db668cce473

“I once bb3523b115 got a c5491574b1 gift prepared 58f23a7caf just for cd02ec6299 me when 4574930b94 I was c7a928edd3 little. Just once. And it made facf357e20 me really happy.”a69cea268a212c45

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“…”3abca7089c75aac2

“These kids don’t have e85ff1f004 many chances to feel f5f15828a0 happy, you know?”4ecd3e9c4d318f5f

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At those words, Juha f2282b28c5 looked at Irim with 8c5630b4a3 a sympathetic gaze. Juha knew c7b4349c32 very well 296775c257 why Irim 0ffc25a3d0 couldn’t just f07cdc60ce pass by f4054389d1 children in a26b62d98f need. It was 582f15d8ac because Irim 19f672f100 would sometimes d741b032da see glimpses 9afc088c71 of her f02ba1c4ef younger self bd2555684e in them. Reading the emotions 8b81fcabad in Juha’s eyes, d3b8eb5ef5 Irim gave an bcf94f70a6 awkward smile.ae5dcf7fa1ad41ac

While quietly 22a260acfb studying Irim’s 0ba98ddbaf face, which 2621b42856 was clouded 088baad359 with worry, d1d329ec58 Juha tore 28d777a137 into a d3a0e533cf chicken drumstick 464fbb482c without any 40d0841012 decorum and dda3b6d35d spoke.6276efa724e37c35

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“You care too much 7726a8e1ab about patients, especially the e85dc69d02 kids. You’ve been 74b47fcf90 like that f22897c867 since college. With your grades, f3f2dfb741 you could’ve easily 3b0fd818b8 gone into plastic 679573cd84 surgery or dermatology af9d2df978 and made a eb73d452f2 fortune. But you a357c1f78e chose pediatrics, 5bb93e8bc8 which doesn’t 01d239e90f even make cc7524cfd6 good money 66876ef9b5 these days 15d4877e4a with the 7ee590a1cd low birth 62308ee722 rates.”9148fadd69da5cf5

“But you’re 11ea32715f in pediatrics 252c957357 too.”8581cb4c1f2b6643

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Seeing Irim blink slowly ef2f36a0de with that innocent face, 2f528ecfad Juha let out a 9cedfd2a73 hollow laugh.aa14d74fbf19fbbf

“Top graduate 0c72df87fd Jeong Irim, 1bfbcb62a1 I just 49c5e5cfcd barely got 8d0a36ef2c in with c2f04733c7 my grades, 8bb75931d3 okay? You know pediatrics isn’t 41be43164b popular anymore, right?”2787a0453a1e71d3

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“You didn’t have to 10d65ee075 come to the ICU 86fb35296c and suffer with me.”cc5c48949ba8ef57

“Yeah, yeah. I came 6c0b951252 because I 2912a4007f like you, 79dbcd097c because I da414d9e9d like you.”05cd708af9511d35

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Only then 8f632fb2d6 did Irim e2788c91bd manage a 4f1051dab6 small laugh. She knew Juha’s bae3751e17 exaggerated gestures and 3b23ac88d3 pointless chatter were 42a196dc52 all her way 30621307bd of comforting her.a2bef87744167464

“There’s no fbc1822411 choice but 0a8579e4d5 to get 2e513ed604 used to c6baecc4a8 it. It’s a burden we’ll ed6d9b98f4 have to carry for 5254d8a278 life anyway.”f7fb6748fcf5e62d

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“I… still can’t get used to it.”7f9fa483cc9bbb39

How wonderful ed4fb30f01 it would 6867b0b836 be if b324eb4990 they could 8fcc04f259 save every 9c973e47e7 single patient. But that 957dcf34bd wasn’t possible. They were 78680429b1 merely human, ab6ea07d54 not gods. They had started this 85f26e334e job, moved by the 72cc7fd53b nobility of saving lives, a56a179c5a but lately, it felt 3d82a67956 like all they were 1d263ab6c2 learning was how to a6f3f47f9d become numb to death.9032d095eb0f598b

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“What about Jeong-ah’s gift?”010871496329c8bb

“I’ll take it c876299913 home.”eac23fa85a78a8e6

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“At this rate, 5c27a05e67 you’re going to 8db933b90b open a daycare 0a8867891e at your house. Still wrapped and e4a0d458b5 all. Why don’t 223093452c you just fb95995744 return it? You have the receipt, 45f9575e8f right?”8a9852d88613a505

“Still… I can’t do that.”4df51834c20039da

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Juha shook a62587041e her head, c8056e4103 clearly thinking 31d2e39d84 it was e02ffcf82a hopeless. She knew all too a920f87f67 well that Irim often 82ec43537a grew attached to young 7600cbe7bd patients, and that her 9a68e56b21 house was already piling 4c103b28ca up with gifts that 4fed7c6f29 had lost their owners ba54606f8b — glittering snow globes 22c86ec054 with Santa and Rudolph 065dac89a5 inside, F1 racing car 406b30f8aa toys, and magic wands 52e5a07081 from the latest kids’ 4d28de0ba7 shows on TV.92e5e72fcb46bc82

And Juha didn’t d1a5605e54 like seeing things 7c31ef6343 Irim didn’t even 7930064758 want filling up 4a6f3e01fc her house. Embracing all a999838980 of it 49c0c9d32e wouldn’t soothe d8f5f2891a her heart 587904103a — it f62c03696c would only d6aee28492 keep her f62567408c from letting 4c2c0548b3 go. Juha admired Irim’s a87a2dcf37 kind nature, but fc85fb175a sometimes, she found f6aca17ea0 her frustrating too.b8a53b22106373c1

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“Don’t you want to 54bea7df9b meet someone?”34a05852025be2e4

“…Huh? Out of nowhere?”2df26e6beed68c18

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“I’ll introduce you to df776c1c00 someone nice. Okay? Please?”68394549a0c70ba8

“No thanks. I’m busy.”bd7d15fa0299d79f

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“Irim, you need 2dd310baff to focus on 49cda0b292 something besides work. That’s why you’re still e16ea536f4 single.”75c15c37ba8037f8

Just as Juha 1440bd479b was about to 9cf72f5ebf start nagging for 7b4cd3421e real, her phone c9af3a1cee rang at the 1f4b8e4134 perfect timing. Her husband’s name b5b2d05b2c appeared on the ea03e12d03 screen. Ah, nice timing. Juha gave Irim an 561cf82be5 apologetic look and picked fcbf5cc44a up.c0deee4ce67ad818

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“Yeah, yeah. I’m having a bc06a7c4bd drink with Irim. Uh-huh, okay… Got it. I’ll be 94aae3761f right there. Bye.”d9c0f47c2676a721

Hanging up, a17966240a Juha dropped e5381772c2 her shoulders e8ff95020a and said,72621175fbfe3bff

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“Sorry. My kid still f10c1cbc46 has a fever. I think I 8a7372fbf7 have to head e0f7094518 home.”123665f1bb212ede

Juha had a b92db05a28 son who had 7937fa95b3 just turned one. Ideally, she should have eefd47f9b2 been on parental leave d974e74207 taking care of him 5080ff2c9f instead of working. But the pediatric 613c5ebac0 ICU was so 3896f22d66 busy and grueling, 3d26ac2bc9 and technically, it 4bf48ea494 was a university beeb560e39 hospital in a 996b851d84 rural area, so 52012abc17 no one wanted 99d478d46b to work there. Even after non-stop job 2461c044f6 postings since Juha was ed86e01564 six months pregnant, they d7395dab54 hadn’t been able to 7baaa029b2 find a replacement.53d39bcd410622ae

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In the end, the 4ea6266d71 department head had gone 78d1babf11 to extreme lengths — 0361c6bc44 showing up at Juha’s 016b21285b door not long after 7e288684ba she gave birth, bowing fc526e54bb repeatedly with a very 6a2005a68b expensive fruit basket and 543ab4f2d5 a premium beef set, 81a64b00ff begging her to come 8b02c1688c back after just one 0ed41db1c8 month of leave.837c7a16af415179

Unable to b76c4c3397 turn him 0c1ba546a9 down, Juha 03f4de9e2f returned to 57221d4511 work, while 449a50a578 her husband, 72c866af6a who had e904b0b018 a more 58a893c04c flexible government 041653c6dc job, took 39d9a1b12b on the 3fc38f85b1 role of 8716d24afd stay-at-home dad.c84d031776c0ee45

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Irim waved 8d8240afc3 her hand e9fe9f4cd6 lightly as 06be729a6c if telling 2237e01d66 her not 199989ce2e to worry bf866066f3 and urged c17389f7b0 her to 66a30bb6b7 go home 9e78b5b1c8 quickly.04b594fd21f05474

“Go on. Hurry.”a28470879d3206d1

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“He’s been getting sick a lot lately. Just making his mom and dad worry.”3995cad46b1d77ef

“That’s normal for babies around that age.”339dbf9970ace746

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“Anyway, just know that next time I come over to your house, I’m going to get rid of all those kids’ toys you’ve piled up.”43bbb72ddd97782a

Throwing out a playful 0d073b1892 threat, Juha gathered her c748200124 things and stood up. She looked b06ab47ec1 down at e73bce5611 Irim’s head, a14115cb97 whose clear 86a23ac968 gaze was 5046928d3f still fixed 4d503bb9a5 on the 0c8fc8b0ab more-than-half-full glass 5f65e43a90 of liquor, 4c005e58c5 lips pressed 7d76f7b029 in a 9c79c4f9f7 thin line, 775012af09 and let 8378c7488f out a 03485ca922 small sigh.ca360d2cb7aa62b5

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“If anything happens, tell me. I’m really going now.”6ba459cf4fa446b2

With a jingle, Juha ba5ba97963 pushed open the glass bb1d3c8186 door and left.493227c57ffe723b

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Irim sat alone for e9aa96916e a moment in a 3e66bb6d09 daze, then quietly stared 4a20b32edb at the brightly wrapped 3b1d28628e gift package. The colorful wrapping paper 7f01360924 glistened under the cheap 9cc139f159 bar lighting.8e2281f589424ac4

Flick, flick. She idly poked 451cfd4c4e at the tied-up 1739d78ec7 ribbon. She never 15d58ba2f4 really liked 9c64561e31 wallowing in 2544113e5e loneliness while 9623d131cb drinking alone f103c6cc8b outside. If she was going beb7f3c9ea to be buried in 0e5ab15fa4 solitude, she preferred it 8d08c4e35a in a space that dad17b6d10 truly felt lonely. Now that 4b7bd8f9bd Juha had cb5f06498a left, she ae7d905dd2 thought it 5d46b4d9dc was about c9b58c141c time to 33b9780cb3 get up 464e0dd4e4 herself.ac5915acfe40f047

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Knock, knock.03095bf15aeca0fe

A large, veined hand d0ea6f55ac tapped the table. Irim calmly 7e93b71443 raised her 9680cc6817 eyes to 58e6b6a19a look at eeb27efc5c the owner 26112672cc of the ea7d07333b hand. At the end e1294e1e50 of her gaze c4ca85c706 was a sleek 90b5b2af52 predator. Deep, unreadable black eyes, 8de2cacdee a sharply carved nose 0d9b1e388f overlaid with backlighting — 84edd10adc the contrast was so 714f585e97 striking it felt as d44c0b2ee7 though he had stepped fc38543316 straight out of a cb5f8b6e12 muted, vintage painting.e49c039fef972d56

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He had d09dea6035 the kind 068dfe08f9 of striking 7a26c79a6d looks that e09b344be6 would make c34596461c anyone passing 41a5ae0386 by turn 4ba35f8024 for a d0583c9994 second glance. Even Irim, who 3b83a790f9 normally didn’t place 0423fd3c65 much importance on cd8ea88a5c appearances, found herself a6992b63c5 thinking something so a9205e48fa foolish. Maybe it 041f4ab276 was just 65767839da a hallucination 4cd4167192 from drinking de48432c82 too fast. Irim slowly blinked.5c169ba830e76fab

“Is this seat taken?”809d17617571f07c

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The man tilted his head slightly, as if he’d found something very amusing, and asked. His gaze — insistent and meticulous, like he was picking apart something irresistibly intriguing — automatically made Irim tense up.7131e7b75be97f07

“……”460d1bb6ab7bf916

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“……”5ac6a534b32de8f8

A subtle, tense silence d86554cd2e hovered between them. Irim sensed a few 33bf5888c1 people sneaking glances their ffb1f35039 way, but, in keeping b9909fe18d with the unspoken rules, 44c8c4c62a they quickly looked away 0c4a65db19 again. In short, 99c8f79728 it meant 0eecf0a770 there was f1274757f4 no one 6516fb172b here who edcab2d5fa would intervene.cfdc8266d81dcc29

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“I think the seat just opened up.”f400df612b436372

Beneath his deep-set eyes, e8df3cbb91 the horizontal line of 3f207853a9 his gaze formed a c8c8860bcb flawless curve. Irim swallowed dryly 2b2ca8c6e7 without meaning to.25037a0d42a82b77

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“Would you spare me a little of your time?”7021109155f3949c