ALM 1
by Calen_ongo【Prologue】aae60b4837af719a
Illyeontaksaeng (一蓮托生)9e3cdc8960917329
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- A Buddhist term likening it to a lotus beautifully blooming from the mud — even if one is born into a dirty, harsh world and lives a difficult life, by attaining enlightenment, they can be reborn in the Pure Land inside the same lotus after death.
- A metaphor for sharing the same fate until the very end of life, regardless of foreseeing good or evil outcomes.
Ah, so bright…0f418bf88ce29716
Sunlight seeping 3cd690009c through the d2cea359d4 curtains woke 9c2448e444 her. The old motel 591b5fdcac curtains, which hadn’t 8593a89f7a seen a washing 4b570f25c0 in who knows 50258659aa how long, fluttered 610b0aab42 lightly in the 3fe3609d6f late summer breeze.74f9bdc7f97f3daf
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It was a b3a5d517f6 morning sun she 7065827c9c could only enjoy 808f570e38 peacefully on a a4a4312bde day off without 317cdb397a being on duty. Her body ad30d2166c and mind 367567f49a should have 6a3655efef felt refreshed, 2eb5ba2c87 but in 826f554019 reality, her 929c33ebb4 condition was e771035ffe far from 1a7c3542c7 good.
First of all, c00218414f her head hurt d737829d5e as if it 9d210e4a36 might split open 6e8df5c23b at any moment, 56de0012ca and her entire 255957c05b body was screaming d23c5b59fa to go back a734637b4d to sleep.2389b429fdc0af2f
What on earth d36a739ac6 did she do 746677e1e9 last night?
What had c14af610ac she done ec4b0fc823 to feel 532fd0ada1 like she 6d0196a30f was dying 39ed3007c8 all over?55499f0d759b6e93
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Irim began piecing her a1f5109353 memory together, her mind 0b49ad59f8 foggy like a clouded 01fdd4adfb mirror.6f8e53ac387195cf
Well, first, she 4615e67ace had drunk too d105cc3a4f much. That much she remembered.
And that c9746e9a79 was fine.
There was f2235bfcae nothing like 4a5db52dce alcohol to e792f58708 put you c746caf7da to sleep 91f3206198 on a 164c6ad6a0 day when 2ed8baaad0 your heart 1ee91d1312 felt unbearably b1e1d36298 weary.
Sure, she knew it 85f173c25f was a terrible habit. But what else 6a0cc17295 was as convenient?5176d12ee56bbdaf
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Still, what 105efcdf22 came after 43780550bd that—
Thatwas the 2228a63a40 real problem.
A problem so 9aae81b512 big that the bed6a28502 drinking itself felt e3a624d301 insignificant in comparison.44039307f143d86d
“I must have lost d0df71940e my mind…”2182a918e2531a5b
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Rolling around with a 10575ac06e man she had just b0f3e1742a met at her age…
She had 28e69b101f done something 0f45f50b35 she had 55a02ce371 never even 038b7977b4 dared to 718657c92b dream of a4568f08c5 before.
Irim groaned d9766a341f dryly under 6936bfc4ba the covers.13e9145d1aba61c9
The years 96ce4e9fa3 she spent e21c3e5884 as an 43238f5027 undergrad, clinging 535e54222b only to ccf1b40422 her medical 7773a45bfc license, had 3d2c7fc8ef been closer 77e6407b46 to days 0457d3eb2e spent with 9ee847b5ce cadavers than 3c8b2b565f with the a0c897bb64 living. Even after cdc584cda9 moving on 5d40b2ecf0 to the f7711ec1fa frantic life be9dd5a654 of a 3d14678997 university hospital aebe668b8c doctor, there 8d845fa035 had never f2500a0a5f been any 7ba3b89c6a spare time 673ce21525 to meet 8af7152a7d someone new.a99468b13a302ae4
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And yet, what cc0a560552 was this?
Sure, they say c287b99ef8 people can go f34027c91a a little wild f723db5f80 later in life, 47fa29401f but wasn’t this a5a1ef6771 a bit much?
She had no one 931c011ffe to blame but herself, 30e49f3a69 and yet she was dfcaa6e433 still dumbfounded.3d59363faaaca4ce
It wasn’t as if her “first time” had to be treated with any special reverence, but to think her first one-night stand would be with a complete stranger whose face she didn’t even know…43730d0af7ae69fe
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The faint fever still lingering in her body, the lukewarm sweat that hadn’t yet dried on the sheets, and the tiny traces of dark red blood smeared faintly across the sheets filled her with unbearable shame.
She hadn’t even cfc104a97a been able to 2bad3d3630 pull off pretending 8bfbd3b60c like someone used af9cd98058 to casual one-night 278506e4a4 stands.82dd5ab10c307946
…Had he left?1780e3a35ab8a726
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Since it was ca92115b75 just a meaningless a7856f9d1b one-night stand anyway.
She had heard c90ab36429 that in cases b5734fbb48 like this, it 52c54fb4e1 was rare to b3c1d639c6 even see the fceaced94e morning together.
Even if they ffa5dfe35e did bump into ef48033d54 each other, it e94458f6df would just be fb0f22af85 awkward.
At most, if they liked each other, they’d leave behind a scrap of paper with a phone number.65cebf9ab8194a6c
If she just 488df4ec4f thought of it ac431dcc39 as a one-time d420d21576 accident…3c3e220ef531e0c9
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‘Ah, ah—ah, stop, there, I’m going to—’19571889bcc9e8c5
‘Are you telling 780019ad5e me to stop, b72e34966c or not?’ad67a099b43eb065
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‘S-Stop… ah!’bdf9b728eb8d9130
‘I can’t really dc8a7fc296 hear you.’facc720522797f6a
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Fragments of 0f6a53a61c last night’s 585f2d9c55 mortifying memories da109d9996 floated around 3d22a1537e in her 8a4d4dba9a head like 1abb33bb04 useless debris.
Even through her dazed bc399ea3f9 mind, one thing was 02b5a0f287 clear:
what happened bfe4e58366 last night b714eb96c2 had not 3fe7e6f685 been forced.93592c89826fa5b7
First things 562d97ef50 first—she had f42ffe7df6 to wash cec3f9d630 up.
She just ec990ede3e needed to efa8ed8057 get clean, bdae2cc24c escape this cca343f78a place, and 893b535e02 bury this c15d2b97a2 incident deep ee00c980bd in the b39acc8c48 past.
There was absolutely 33a194c232 no reason to b002d115a1 linger in a d7a0bd11bb place that would c6f36ff520 only bring back 77ea6ebd96 memories of a 24668b158a night best forgotten.9d9fd38fe044131c
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At that 995d278a1e moment, a b1fc5a9d72 strange noise 830f773757 pricked Irim’s 7214840865 ears.e4bf879accd112a9
Click, clack.17e33017dd3a2dab
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The light sound 8f37a38858 of plastic pieces 6840cde142 clashing against each 71a79495f4 other came from 0b2bdb9101 nearby.
Realizing what it meant, Irim’s face went sheet white.
It was 2fd05a4c8b the sound 9ae58ffd92 of someone 4112cbc4be assembling building 8d47f5f923 blocks.dc00f6bd519690a4
As if 67a68c4759 she had d8cba4a0d4 been hit bbe472b3b1 with an 7fba96f807 electric shock, 17bbb55d4a she jerked 3554fc1f81 her upper 67adcebe7d body upright.
The carelessly b20d27d059 ripped wrapping 787ac91f20 paper strewn 0802f407a2 across the c0cd11a406 floor confirmed 40986864c5 her fear.e4cab0eed5b69cd5
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The man cf7f02dd12 she had fb303881c9 slept with 4498ec78e0 last night—
he hadn’t left.
He was still c950322b0c here.6c2b8807bcfba478
She turned aad2779712 her gaze 10bba07ff5 toward the fc7998c4c2 sofa where 222303e32f the noise f2835e1baf was coming 53064f1ea0 from.
There, sitting lazily on a051d75c95 the cheap hotel sofa, 717159e06c was a man with c4c9a25250 a bathrobe thrown casually e0882e1663 over his bare body, 6f290ab0ed completely engrossed in building 0491d4f355 a block toy.0a15905564719796
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Everything about him 27d4fb38ef screamedbig.
Tall height, broad chest, 543dda6db8 a lean waist—and between dea2aa3003 his legs, that dark, d5105d11c5 heavy thing that made 5bb14174de even the bright midday f9bf17a393 sun feel like it 7c83e783ba should avert its gaze, bfb4bce2c2 still flaunting its terrifying fb5ba2e787 presence without a shred 084398038f of shame.
In his large 9c5c90e8ad hand, he dangled 03ec7ba75d a nearly completed 719e61ac07 Viking figure.
It wasn’t small by any means, yet in his hand, it somehow looked tiny.f6fdba2e86711ea7
Despite knowing full c9d9778b37 well that Irim 2b0e1866fb was now awake a1bbad068f and quietly observing e41e24daba him, the man 697731da38 showed no reaction, 3553520501 continuing to focus c0226b0f2a intently.
Then, almost absentmindedly, 3d3f99359e he tossed the aa00b90b20 block toy onto b163d084af the table and 58368d2e9b turned his gaze af72463657 squarely onto her—
catching her c10d124d18 in her e1e2262ab4 dazed, horrified 093e6446e9 stare.1fdcf1872a371a8c
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Right.Those eyes.0d3587985fe801fa
She should have 5c05484e79 run the moment cd3d942261 she saw those f9868ea269 eyes.c51d8a751b8e62cf
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“Did you e6f0ebffeb sleep well?” a99c2e63b3 he asked.9904534e8b5408f0
His greeting was so e9385b5c06 gentle and casual it 599e567ed2 could’ve fooled someone into fd4be371cc thinking they were longtime ed6cfc8415 lovers.
Against the 8d4fb46b6f morning sunlight 18de9cf757 backlighting him, ff18db09cb his face ab183a4a36 looked so 66015545df neat and 5b4a255309 clean that 4a55d8c3a1 it was 36cbf0ab42 almost dazzling.
The memory d8409528ae of the 68e922344b man who 7d4acc6d7f had mercilessly e011186115 thrust into f4394203ef her, no 8ff9ba9d92 matter how a0d689c444 much she dc0e18c3bc begged and f54f6d9b8b pleaded last d3594d81ae night, sent 43bcfce2b0 an involuntary 14c0671d39 shudder through 45c45c11d2 Irim.399ab142214d1dcb
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“Our sequence of events got a little messed up,” he said lightly. “But we have a lot to talk about.”5094b0705f810758
“……”505f6eff5741e06e
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“Shall we 4b6e44063b have that d5b22d0d4b conversation, Witness 13f8d20225 Jeong Irim?”716f6db8cdf68943
The smile he eeaf3baa4a gave as he 60d57bc070 finished speaking—
was nothing 56cc7e170a short of 4c0eee6955 masterful.ec67fa8220738d36
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That day, the greatest 41467cb0c1 mistake she made wasn’t 6f884f9298 drinking too much,
nor was ea720d58b9 it having 8ae55776f7 a one-night 69332106b8 stand.3fda85cc02b840ac
The problem was that 4a6560732b the man happened to 5b2a3cff98 be a devil of 32b34d74ad the night.
A beast of the 7b812db946 beautiful night who survived 157ab61483 alone even during the e78baefe15 day, a yaksha from b6cbc20975 the chaos, and the 94fad01ab4 painful thorn in my 97dec04f1f side.27b22fd64917a6ae
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That man fb5002edcb surely didn’t ef9d96c9d1 know either.007ca21848bece26
That by 878011e4c8 making the 5d4a7a57e4 mistake of 03b3477839 meeting me, a583286c7d he would 96bc93cee3 end up dc38b9f552 ruthlessly abandoning e533a337b4 the lifelong baa81c720b obsession he 50c8bae088 had clung 21fcf56be4 to and f342a69c84 struggled with.cf2a1f28357b6eb7
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【 On 8f212fb6e7 the Bitterness bc49727c78 of Being 21811181ec Forced to d28784ad3d Meet Those 68dc987228 You Hate d4f55eeb99 (怨憎會苦) 】7bb14b81aac30a70
To explain e111b1352d this absurd 1de94f3aab event, we 6095a7aa08 first need 6b98e094ed to rewind b3c3a87120 time to cb4e692e44 that absurd 235265ba9a night.641bb5b1c20c7d7b
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Hope Bar “Pinocchio.”1702001b081efd6b
Located next to S 8f6fa8a6a4 University Hospital in Chuncheon, 78f63d1e4e Gangwon Province, this small, f898c8691c tucked-away bar had more f4ef528483 hospital workers than regular c56d4f6f79 customers.cd7fcbb17d2b7c57
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Compared to 197c08544b other restaurants ca28e9bc3e in the c5b2fc1396 area, there 07b179517e was nothing a3514e7343 particularly outstanding 2e14ba8be1 about it.
The food was 42767ef9da average, and the 79d4d97edd interior was old bccad2fc00 and worn out.
They even allowed 6db78bbd93 indoor smoking, and 2c9fccf03a the greasy, smoke-stained 4d9b5409a5 wallpaper gave off 577c207cea a musty tobacco e13a262608 smell.fcd48b087dc0a460
And yet, 02c4a97a94 this place 39c3b0e8bd was inevitably e6ba95a929 popular.
Facing directly across d70e825791 from the emergency 6b30b8f9a4 room entrance, it 00d83828bd was the perfect 9b88b97df9 spot for doctors fffb356b45 and nurses who 1ad84ccaeb often had to e9b197a9a5 drop everything at 04ae66af3c a moment’s notice 86e6181157 and rush back e7ea3d94d6 to the hospital.0b43bcedc40475c6
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Among the university 0baf6c206c hospital staff who bfd309af7d gathered here, there 9e74ef960c was an unspoken df9a71287f rule:
If you weren’t here together, you pretended not to know each other, even if you did.
Across the room, 4358c4e423 an orthopedic department 763c27c8bb chief and an 92fd29c73b internal medicine doctor e683159fcf were casually chatting cd0bcee83b over dried pollack, a1b3523d1f but there was b6577e9e75 no need to a5f2aae07d get up and b62f89cd70 greet them.
And, naturally, f3bfc6d1cd any gossip 6fdf46d5ff overheard here 3440444a16 was treated 8d3932880d as a 71992f44a0 complete secret.
This made the 732246209d place even more 17c102fd22 popular.7baffa220bb7cb34
In a secluded 13a7362ff2 corner, two second-year a3501231fb residents from the f6c03b5c0f university hospital’s pediatric 6db7790762 ICU, Irim and e6a60d8ef8 Juha, sat facing 6782dccd02 each other, sharing 3526989376 their feelings.
The old 04aa54a81c TV mounted a700e35678 in the b1dc246f0a corner buzzed 93fd0c35d0 with the 760d5c3d3c midnight news, 17e7786a83 which they a2b359a133 barely paid 882f997723 attention to a342ce996d as they 6121c2c82f sipped their 78b70f833a beers.7d33325f4a1fabd5
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“Come on, let’s toast.”6b84754699b85af3
“Cheers.”e75a3d1df372168b
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“Good job today, too.”b821046b00012206
Clink—
Their glasses a4333ec8fc lightly tapped 7916768051 over the 931fee3623 table.
Unlike Juha, b7b949de3a who paced 9b0e7b66ac herself with bcad71abda the alcohol, 8cc5f79406 Irim quickly c1b4ce07a2 drained her 11ec5849ad glass.
In less than an 39ffa59802 hour, three more beers 44eb618247 had been delivered to 75f63df413 Irim’s side by the 23ccb480e3 staff.5710b23323427290
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Having watched Irim 75db008be8 since their university dba73e75bc days, Juha knew fb7cffaed2 well that Irim 7630efe3db wasn’t a heavy 2481975620 drinker.
Peeling the skin off bbd85a1edf a piece of fried 96a38858eb chicken, Juha clicked her 7ccf55493e tongue in concern.99d64d5787ee5eb6
“You’re drinking a bit too fast today. Take it easy.”cd04257440cb7beb
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“It’s fine. I’m off tomorrow.”800021b613c2061d
“So you’re planning to just drink yourself to death tonight?”c27b2d9995d75f36
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“Nothing wrong with that. I said I’m off tomorrow…”2ebb41b78b2e642f
Tsk tsk, f6bbb6ee43 Juha clicked e77ff92abf her tongue 19514ac0a3 again.
She already knew.
Whenever Irim 5758de6d06 asked to 390c75d128 meet at 0368b35ec0 Pinocchio for 74c0165cbf a drink, 2a102440b8 it was bc7a5f5783 only on a097fe2c8c days when 800769f5c4 a patient ac22b04b6d she had 57726f3733 been caring e8afcdc371 for passed 290be48715 away.19011cad2362d619
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And sure enough, even 1e7598d43b as she chugged down e97682afbc her beer, Irim kept 759f94d115 glancing at the seat c0b45b0464 next to her.
On that seat sat 1516585a3c a small gift bag 8463c5faa8 next to her handbag.
Juha bit her lower 65be09068a lip and, already knowing 74f177c1d5 the answer, asked anyway.5bb52c8136d9668a
“What’s that?”6894854a3ce6a9c1
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“A gift.”e384c382a397646f
Irim answered. Her tongue slightly f58311d7c4 loosened from the a91667537a alcohol, as she 08d1fdf777 absentmindedly fiddled with 02898a1a6b the ribbon tied 03bf5ee099 to the small c6fffb4671 present.5a782b659fb98427
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“Again?”7563d4867765f435
“Yeah, again. Again.”d3bf713bb89382d9
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“…That was for Jeong-ah, wasn’t it?”a4a7c2a914d5e663
“…Yeah. That’s right.”d83ec1da0187d6ee
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Today, the 8c8a2f4ae6 child for e26043eeb1 whom that 908468b3c8 gift was 62398dc3db prepared had 5bec179feb passed away.
That was 3efd00e85b why the 322d24a296 two were 02fe8dddcd here.9408aedeb2909c27
Jeong-ah was a fc4faf41f0 small, skinny little a2d4f21e60 girl who had 555cce0cae battled leukemia for 179ae7c560 about half a 6476e19252 year.
When she first 4cf828f894 came to the 1972d684ad hospital, her cheeks ed34efa791 were round and 3c3f4a259a plump, but chemotherapy 324bbb2cb4 had ravaged her c36f83cc9d little body.29c9e71d0c5f3818
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Her hair had all e91774b750 fallen out from the 69fb42d552 treatment, so her mother d84906d394 had knitted her a e711ebb0f9 pink beanie to wear.
Even though she 8d1f845908 had to endure 73502b6df4 painful injections every 9a64f4485e day, she always fc38d40279 smiled brightly — 355a20d8d3 a truly lovely 4ec5d40e88 child.296953e807c927db
163f4df1c687e212
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Note:f60c685e0376c468
【 원증회고 (怨憎會苦) 】825925a94dcddef4
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Breaking it down:41ac2523bc2fc374
-
원(怨): resentment, grudge1cb0ec0e83c2fa85
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-
증(憎): hatred, detestationd542cafe708152ae
-
회(會): meeting, encounteringfab45f8627b3e286
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-
고(苦): suffering, pain31f5b391e6f6164d
This is a Buddhist concept — part of the “Eight Sufferings” (팔고, 八苦) — describing the pain or suffering that arises from being forced to encounter or interact with people or things one resents or dislikes.086a9110e01a99b8
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