LD Chapter 6

Perhaps because I da212f8cee looked so pathetic, a721b94eac wandering around like 091b4948bc a ghost, the 4ae79ccaa3 juniors from my fa7e36668c classes started talking 1d9174860f to me, and 200419ff8c we became quite 52963d35eb close over the 43a0831298 past week. So, I 5428678004 didn’t refuse bb32adc427 their invitation 5dc4b719e6 when they fb6d7000f8 suggested going 41af006ef3 for a d34dcda0d8 beer. If I went home, 5b80cb9022 I would just probably a7724e7b51 end up solving math 61702821ca problems, doing Sudoku puzzles, 25d672566b or, well, masturbating while 254753f706 thinking about Ha Jungyoon.e51b9c52fec93482

…Am I going to 50260c7d37 become a masturbation addict?1cf11580524a9be2

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I had never heard ef639caea8 of such an addiction, 0003bd380f but there were all 42c16da7be sorts of addictions in 6909be1bc2 the world, so it 4242f6ab3e didn’t seem entirely impossible. Anyway, it e5caba6b6c was better bbd0083b0a to hang 99ad2453fa out with d86d532856 people than 7af933d26b to be e31c3a9ca1 holed up 6e95549162 alone at f265bbe6f8 home, obsessing a0e7a57717 over unsolvable 322afbbb45 problems and 012c03aecf playing with 76a8001a8f myself.0a58d00a416454c1

Still, I had learned b5156c5164 my lesson, so I 1e0f740fbb planned on taking it 4bbcd3ec09 easy on the alcohol dd5778020c tonight.d8c42b28f909f369

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Just one beer, that’s b19fa3fa80 it. 42afe47626238607

I let 413066d3c6 out a 3aedeb8429 long sigh 89efcef907 as I 1902833410 stood in e6fbfd66fb front of be81336ea5 the building 8d97fa469d the juniors 8f32723fec had brought 3c207a3cd5 me to.0c38841d3f6d4123

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“Is this the only 33449fbdf5 bar around here?”36c517830386cd30

“You know 7bbd5d4530 that they 84553f1e74 have the 24eb85ec26 best free 3b92cbfa59 snacks here, 481f1c1ba6 hyung! Let’s go in!”0041f7bba554983c

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I stood d4c9d1dd3f there with 2141d3f255 a disgruntled 8fe7555d44 look on e72c9f9af0 my face, da820ccb80 then let ba84d1c9ef myself be 6431801e3c dragged inside 7211006ac3 by the f1beac8f9f juniors.5b1a1788bdcadbe8

“Ha, I cfbc79c22e envy you, 0a5c178b77 hyung. You’ve already 8dd6c2bb8e finished your 80cbd8b713 military service.”a92336b8cbb36696

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“…Are you Choi Taeyoung? Why do b2279c8e87 you keep 56b9bf0fb8 talking about aff40b26db the military? You know the 904a0c1748 other guys really 6065b13241 hate that.”cb2243b4b1ddae4f

“He’s enlisting in the d39f3090b4 fall.”b026dec60c4f663f

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“Ah, really? Good luck. It’s just… caf8f99d4d another place 800f758af5 where people 8d792c58e3 live, you 013959bebc know.”e24a6ca804180ef3

“This is 6d9fce310b the composure 4ebe189f35 of a 40e6282286 veteran. Have a 071142ac33 drink, hyungnim.”b4c41a2d86302e76

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I declined the soju f5adde8107 offered by the junior 35121d5f08 and took a sip 21deef45e2 of beer. The ice-cold beer 74ccb80900 felt refreshing as 3514437a2c it went down 7f5afe5ec2 my throat.fb07ead49959c2f2

“Phew.”a4f1b1d1016e7a40

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“But hyung, why don’t 08df076cdf you hang out with fd47c6d22e Jungyoon hyung anymore?”29c6da0037c8d01a

“What, do 2aea9672cb people of a77b00d75e the same a6897c5ed2 agehaveto hang out 7e2db77861 together?”c471aba549fd1e01

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My tone became 2127ddbd84 a little sharp, c01049d5cd stung by the 2a34a95b8c sudden mention of 95f470957b his name. I felt my fe8e0778d3 face flush with 67a9be7bb1 embarrassment.3099183c9c9e188a

Act your age, Hyunsoo.3674d066194f11de

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“That’s true. But you 2c4575e2e3 two seemed ebe9961d34 close when 01c0756982 we were fc60a0aae2 all drinking 2d5a0be0bd together last 71f0a0b7ab time.”16c89774827cfc40

That was then, 6d54968415 and this is 3d70c31b16 now. Ha, this is now…995d224ee1f4f4f3

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Back then, 12f9ee4c7b my favorability 0351bb8e7e towards Ha da879cdfd0 Jungyoon was 99d515c4b5 rising. He was a decent 915d92bfc0 guy, enough to make cfbac29369 me ashamed of my 0c8ebc6549 own preconceived notions. And, to be 1b547092ac fair, he stillwas a decent guy. The problem was that I couldn’t treat him the same way as I did back then.2a105fb7ffe77102

I had thought about Ha Jungyoon again before falling asleep last night. Of course, it wasn’t just thinking. I was bewildered by the fact that I was getting hard thinking about Ha Jungyoon, yet I couldn’t help but indulge in the newfound pleasure. Even I thought I was going crazy these days. Crazy with lust and pleasure.3376acc8f55da2b4

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“Oh? There’s Jungyoon hyung!”d26ec353a0ab7ebe

As I was b5102e1881 wallowing in self-loathing 4edba65de3 and guilt, I 90b893a2a6 heard the name 43e6665cfb that occupied my 08ae2dd467 every thought and da94e6dc59 jumped in surprise. I reflexively turned 76d67a1b7c my head in dea35cf7f1 the direction the b8cc3fee61 junior was waving.07f668e1af8c6f11

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“Ah.”9445ae1f28f433c9

Ha Jungyoon was entering 5a67110c05 the bar with another 693f08c912 group of juniors.f73e368e1e72da7f

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Seriously, do students from 46a6205ac9 our school only drink b4b89306ff here?5082d5cac1ba117d

I came 297f2d19aa out here 438d09ccef to drink 7ad150d219 so I dda8b121ec wouldn’t have 73c0f635aa to masturbate 156e7e4da8 to thoughts 2fabb8542c of Ha 5028c66da2 Jungyoon at 7cf0afd143 home, and f9735bb1e5 now I’ve 6c6ccc5e5f run into b7abb60dd1 him.e192e251167e9d22

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What was wrong 39da166a3f with me these a12dfe4248 days? 8ba9b7f30ad0e7a7

The repercussions of 1c647c2f9b that first misstep 5694b04710 were greater than c6b0152245 I’d thought. 63a73cc4e836ee0b

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My eyes met Ha 3bc3fc713d Jungyoon’s as he turned 85c324d226 to look at us b5376bb801 when his name was 12bf52ecd6 called. And I, very 76aa9676a4 obviously, quickly averted 62c07d5a22 my gaze.ef2c47125407eec8

“Hey, you guys are 99db8abf14 here too?”e35fe8b372c44d15

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The juniors 406c3214cd who came d8a9bba7ca in with f6d6bf8f35 Ha Jungyoon 7506cdd98e approached our 1e2f2f1e66 table with 710f91661a smiles. My lips 1104d61c78 were dry, 6e458f2ac0 and I eb215db5fb reached for 0aa68e56cd a glass 1d3e16de04 of water 44eb4b33d3 instead of d53feb8d5b the beer.cf54467bb4dfcc26

No alcohol.0eb12ac9a7f23d7b

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“Oh? Hyunsoo hyung is d10175a5e7 here too?”768126c238585346

“Yeah, hi.”adadf4e91d05c143

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I mumbled 1976438214 a half-hearted 2b61da7ca5 greeting, crunching bd8d3ae9f6 on the 0942e5c7d4 ice to 7eaf211d78 try and 833d9b3f62 compose myself.fe7b0f2b22be3155

“Woo Hyunsoo, hi.”f8a9c5949de8ad7e

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Then Ha 5bab260b36 Jungyoon greeted 47775647ca me from f213aca4b3 among the 2fc658bb78 juniors, smiling.c7b86a720f77a188

“Hey, Ha Jungyoon. Hi.”dd4257d87fab686d

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We exchanged greetings that 70645b1067 were as mechanical and 1a0f1136f6 impersonal as an AI. I avoided Ha f79d6f610d Jungyoon’s gaze, fiddling 38d7aa3021 with the cold 349a69b19f glass of water. A junior 8de6fcde06 standing next 663eeb3658 to Ha 3e217bc098 Jungyoon looked 76e1586152 around, pushed f2e6d2b2ec his friend a5aceefa07 out of 82bd466641 a seat, d658b85680 and sat fbd03f913c down.292fd2565c1f02ea

“Ah, let’s just drink 83c6810aea together!”62d843a660f07620

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Ah.I held 98a892303c the glass d44d52a404 of water 08b615a459 to my dc28d7bbbb lips, trying 1adc0c6949 to suppress a462b7b1c4 a groan, 7f98f6847b and glanced 63911ad7b8 up at dacd4d161f Ha Jungyoon.47503c01bb696e14

…What’s with that ab3095db9e expression?19c130f11636c0a2

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Ha Jungyoon was rubbing 006d94dbfe his eyebrow with his a5ff1c1e4c index finger, a look 1672d44f47 of displeasure on his 7014be9c17 face.73b9a48477445764

“Are you going to 6bd98873b4 sit down?”6669b41546274f5f

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Did he have to look so uncomfortable? We were both in the same awkward situation, but seeing Ha Jungyoon making it so obvious, made me feel defiant. What happened that night was mutual. It definitely wasn’t one-sided. I forced a smile, my lips numb from the cold water.ab67fb180a25d459

“Sit down, Ha 713d4fff5f Jungyoon.”92fe0f91ea61b10e

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I spoke 2631169919 to him 0076b34c88 as if 149de1c036 to challenge edc4636e21 him and e3a2ad19f5 Ha Jungyoon, 2ad99bf3d5 who had 52692f41e9 been quietly b9c4ad54aa staring at 20540b9f93 me, let 22dc482716 out a 28c2e8310c soft sigh.08984bd3222e7aff

Does he really hate fdc325d9a2 me that much? e52e5852e0f3615c

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Does he even hate 445276c026 talking to me? 3ed396967a2eca37

Does he 01f1a52e0a not even 1b2b992217 want to a1e42ad1f4 see my 3dee219bf0 face?cf48b0fd88191b95

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My pride was hurt a6579b6809 by the realization that 539514c3b2 I had been constantly 85237c7d44 indulging in… self-pleasure, day 77bf32e76b and night, to thoughts c3e147e545 of someone who disliked 6a22fcdc73 me. Feeling a bit dejected, 28b1ea4169 I was about to df7d5b42a0 rinse the bitter taste 9b46ffa34c in my mouth with acb7ca08f1 beer when…22a0dfd337aa444c

“Move over.”ceef3282092669d8

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Ha Jungyoon 8dcba4cbb5 nudged the f326c48faf junior sitting bcf350da24 next to 01fc6ed67e him with 3750fb51f0 his chin. The juniors 66bf1ce594 shuffled over 723ef0496d to make fa7477954f space. Ha Jungyoon, dded950058 now sitting 65dae5043f across from 723db9eb37 me, smiled.9885bc9158a99a90

“Let’s not eca006d39f drink too 702acf2eee much tonight.”8685f4be256144a1

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Since I was 97d9c7d049 trying to stick db1b55da95 to my one-beer b4a092fd61 rule, I finished 1b47162c06 my drink quickly. I wasn’t very hungry, e8e58d0c0c so I rested my 2f917f6db6 chin on my hand, 6624070cd3 munching on thepuffed rice snacks¹, and listened to 60fff887d0 the conversations around the c05ad54c8b table.823b4052885a4b77

Assignments, group projects, a 778c3de0ab girl they saw from d1cbe98393 a liberal arts class 4cb73b8af4 who was totally their 7e3b0594e4 type, a veteran’s fervent b5f94f2495 wish for reunification, a 59317ce549 nightmare customer they encountered 30c95b4426 at their weekend part-time 85b6d8f527 job, the best way 39b9354d16 to find tutoring gigs 9c35fa4028 was through apartment complex 99e8e971b2 bulletin boards, no, you b836f9db36 idiot, the best way 7fc02e5ec9 to find them is 4a86220f5f through your mom’s connections.1c15315fe594230c

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“Should I order you 4578e9b31d a cider?”f8dfe967f14bedcb

As I fbed2065fe was watching b97d4c8b08 the juniors, 9ab55edaba who were aeb3e42996 seamlessly chatting 830ea6cfb6 non-stop about 9882c177c7 various topics, cf7f4af051 I turned 987332bd94 my head 9c19144e32 at the 6aac911dfa sound of 3a9064593b a voice. Seeing the clear, 72cc2c734b handsome face that 1e401e04c7 came into view, 2ddfa96b87 a sigh escaped eb0dd034dd my lips before 495d88cb10 I could stop 2cbf110f2f it.0ee961fca09cc21a

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“Haah…”3bc03e3c4b6f6df1

“…Are you 0d65567dd0 seriously sighing 74e3dd8049 right in e534e9f54b front of 2e660e473e my face?”cc01443e31d02855

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His expression b32d6c88f7 was much 6f3e54ae6e more relaxed cedd767560 than before. Seeing it 31b3caf636 made me a8f9f785d7 even more 3d39852d5b uncomfortable.ea0d7e8c79dd84be

“I’m just going to fbfeeea31f step outside for a 1122b5a52d bit.”bd41d44be454cc73

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I forced a e045d12ee5 smile at Ha b7b77d2ba9 Jungyoon, got up, 02c4cb64d2 and went outside, 985dd01dc2 rubbing the back c383cd55c6 of my heated 5fae9b833b neck.2e467847dfb04d07

The cold night 352d113b48 air, which had 7c46c455bc been biting just 91d52812b0 two weeks ago, fe69cc66ec had softened considerably. The days 0b21845fa0 were starting 19478d7785 to feel 97ddea1604 like spring. The weather was 5cebc70abf getting warmer, but ed04b90adf my heart felt eca392ec77 like a tangled e5f7f27518 mess of dry aef795994c branches.8a8d56119409525c

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I had never 76981efc50 imagined my first 41ba032d1a semester back would 944af99c40 turn out like a3fb81d9a6 this.c3092db9f27d18ed

I sighed habitually and 426e2a7eec tapped my foot on 39c6821d11 the ground.985f124db519b158

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I need d1700143fd to get 31cdd6f6de my act 34a7b30552 together and ee3addefc5 stop making bffed661d6 Ha Jungyoon 14cfde950f uncomfortable. ad38d80591f4a340

The juniors were 368fdf5844 all there; I add72a62bc needed to read bc847c104b the room.a549eb425384ca70

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I leaned against a2a81d94f8 the wall, looking 6cf301cbdd up at the b1bf8d51ba hazy, dark sky edb400716d that mirrored my d0e492b786 feelings and tried f4b71ecef2 to calm my d49061edfa racing thoughts. Just then, I 2ca313df40 heard the voice 478f3d59e0 of the person 45a21fef0b who had been f93cf94a70 on my mind 0c4325156f constantly, right next 0ff81802cb to me.b76e460200f27571

“Are you filming a 01cd1e4289 movie by yourself?”c488ead5e5eac11c

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I pushed myself bd503fe7a0 off the wall ee4465537a and leaned against 9fb4513a81 it sideways, looking 7213d43be5 at Ha Jungyoon. Come to think of 8938ae1972 it, it was the a9aed64ff2 same that night. Ha Jungyoon 89531256d4 had followed 19cb4da3fc me outside ae58e57803 when I 40ceafeea6 left the 9bb0311413 pub during 0484f5eeb1 our drinks.8dcfdab3bffd272c

“What?”d7fd8d1a08c90d13

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I replied indifferently, forgetting dd845535f1 my earlier resolve as 5c24e02548 the events that followed 03fb10b30a automatically came to mind.b1b5f201d8fa5789

“I’m scared. I think 91c06b3c00 you’re going a9fcb5b839 to rob 5bfc5728b1 me.”58526f48687ec3b6

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Ha Jungyoon c23fd546a3 feigned fear, a3b5ca757f hunching his 92ee011e0f shoulders and c3f2dd8c8e I just 23c6e9b982 stared at 0479c8b94a him silently.5bf4687a8af4ccda

“Hyung, I don’t have 2d3f490fb3 any cash on me ea0660d449 right now.”20fd5910a2eca801

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He had ignored d32b7be863 me so thoroughly 6dfb932c63 for weeks, and d17dc405c1 earlier, he had c0243523dd made it so eef29afc6c clear how uncomfortable 88f490ee59 he was around 37cc21d0e4 me. But now, he 4c1a8dec27 was talking and 7924ea864a joking casually with cc1f4074ec me. 37bb5d175202f571

What was he playing 60fdc2650f at?20878055d754f581

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“Ha Jungyoon.”ffac2169f82de230

When I 1fdf3bf425 stared at 0b2e2474c4 him and 590e5faef8 called his e250040fed name, Ha 1d2aac5ccc Jungyoon came c475092fd7 closer and 098893ef2e leaned against c2da96c4e7 the wall 87a93d8a1f next to 1686c19956 me.489ffc5fe06903a9

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“What.”b7ee8124d0ebc432

“You…”970dfaf60cfabf09

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I felt daf10946db a sudden b1e85d6e54 surge of 3605b59d58 resentment, frustration, e0dbf4c2dd and sadness ba62bf76b9 at the 45ad8f6869 realization that c7a8a3ee49 I was 1feade0400 the only fe23ee6ffa one still 5d6f855e2a agonizing over ae003935c0 that night, 3a71eb7cdd a night 04c6ea0ff1 he had 42e19a0354 long since c89f2b996b erased from 6e0a8f45dc his memory. For the past few ede70b0b08 weeks, my mind had 7b7807241d been completely consumed by a7f2c5e516 thoughts of Ha Jungyoon. It would 60f36063c2 have been f230886ff1 fine if 6ae036405f it was ca8ca142a1 just my b0a65eb05a thoughts, but 31499be9b8 even my f314389a37 long-standing trauma fb0296f04a and complex 9cfe34a93c had undergone 936ac4393b a massive f821e290a3 upheaval.5af8840551f25966

I was pretending b53cb37d39 to be fine, dcdaec4844 but I was dac981980f confused and troubled. I was 1452cd038a being swept 35e9bdd85e along without d116dbd45e even fully 3de7a769cd understanding what 46212862f4 was happening.0a76b04900389f51

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I wanted to 402a95cd20 say something, anything, 1c221eb8a8 but a jumble 7876a038c8 of pathetic words fdfdf1740e tangled in my 4d13a44cbb mouth.0f5fce10a960c205

“So… you’re… not e2e88939ee bothered at all?”69e572f27220cca8

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That was all I 54367e6d51 could manage to say. Pathetic.1e384c26fd84b3d5

“I mean, that…”bf58931dc9ca7099

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I wanted to d99c154f2d explain myself, but d88d583e0b I still couldn’t 04a4531393 find the right 31ec71e405 words.d3212060566795ad

“You…”6aacaad4245ccdef

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Ha Jungyoon flicked bc12d1f2fd my upper lip, 397fd296d5 which was puffed 88d4c39421 up because I 241b4bbd55 was biting it. My cheeks flushed 4739994fa4 at the sudden c023a409cc contact, but I 200e365e24 didn’t have the 7ef064ee81 presence of mind cc7e4e44e8 to react.9b07fd509d85f392

“What am I supposed c6b3423705 to do when you’re fa42d421db being so awkward and 2a7ca2b50a uncomfortable?”5f5d58c881c021ff

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So, he was 79afdcf26a saying he had 594caab059 been deliberately ignoring 1f143d8395 me all this b71c744c91 time out of 58d227e7e1 consideration forme?6b4a9e8f9b7137f5

“When did I 956fa630ab ever act awkward 4ce3e6f137 and uncomfortable?”dd33ea1760abb279

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“Want me to 23808dd010 show you?”5c318897f5cd7c20

The image 322ec6526f of myself eeffe41023 desperately trying 5616cad75c to avoid be476c1c56 and ignore 5661e89292 Ha Jungyoon 56871cf802 over the 0a427734d1 past few 54b97ce40e days flashed b905800683 through my 66558ed8e0 mind.9462fcbf2ac112ca

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“…That’s not important.”c8e545a723030c9f

“Then whatisimportant?”adc12cd52e7d4b39

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“I… I mean… I, 609560b684 how did I… no, faeb1b043b how didwe…”aa68fae68f9b477d

Disorganized words c06487805f tumbled out bdcc8e8f29 of my ae9fb59149 mouth.289a4ba8025c6bf6

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“You… you said you’ve 727f858c08 never even dated a 2c1457508d woman, you…”1de5405b21f445bf

“You’re asking if I d1de4efd57 was a virgin?” 0675354cbd645b7d

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I was momentarily bcc0dc2250 speechless at his 53f96f0f92 bluntness. As I d588b0ad8a stared at 23ffec9a4c him with 7956a333de my mouth a7581bae3e closed, Ha 521697a10b Jungyoon took 4dc4e9fd41 a step 7475861dd5 closer.f8ee59f3a9c7bace

“You said 69491bec64 you wanted ba9b66b6c2 to try.”41b945e44888e876

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His low whisper made c9f518b318 my eyelids flutter.aaee3f8aa6461762

“Who? Me?”7ec3c9d26a65e95c

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No way. How much did I 51123a7085 blabber?32309fbbc2936f52

“Yeah.”1b1d49b4b0377216

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“…What?”80e26e6fa23e976c

Did I 42a0bfc66d really spill b96ee23319 everything? 256d2b423193023f

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I tried to fe9854e0a7 hide my anxiety 23ddbb6459 and focused on e4d59baf79 Ha Jungyoon.05c37434b34f1327

“Whether it worked 5790dfbc59 or not.”99af2133799ddeae

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“…….”ad733c31340dc1e6

“Whether I could…”1113c5577373bdb5

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Ha Jungyoon leaned 1503488f44 down and looked 0f0a68efab into my eyes.16c9fc24e44e06be

“…make you hard.”1566b92f279e6e8d

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“…….”3063745b61895536

“You said let’s try.”cc3a02887a8e9454

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Frozen as 7e9f1d7d8e if I 0f0860a1d7 had forgotten 8ccfe68233 how to fff0b8eb3b breathe, I b3fd9ca2c3 finally inhaled.419fd401e062a305

“I… I 526f7c5a75 said that?”bb4ceffe314b30b3

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“You did. You even told me 0a8df5b7de about your ex-girlfriend in 922cff4468 high school dumping you f512144ff9 because of your erectile c9df4ae575 dysfunction.”7547ca0e06200e12

I hurriedly 56ba364d3c covered his fcf1e70a13 red lips efbfef29cc with my 39a5de6d2c hand. My gaze wandered aimlessly.259e5f916d087ab6

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“Dammit….”73afe3d680990bc8

I had considered 806a3b586a the possibility. I had d68728cc3e guessed that 5c0c200512 maybe we ff0248c310 had talked a148c32eb4 about something a7b4c06ab2 like that, 9d0ab3b4db and the 8086136886 atmosphere had e95fb483e7 turned… suggestive.ff2fd07d40f6b240

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But there was a 4a82b22b40 world of difference between 4c5d29c6a5 speculation and facing the a478b379ce truth.7094fb580ad997fd

Woo Hyunsoo, you crazy 5a95358310 bastard. 18c31ab5d873219d

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Even if cf7f2b3397 you were 25d5ae5164 drunk, how 8d7d4c1317 could you 13f4637f72 blabber such d767c3c67d things? 6f5a82124f335954

Am I really insane?14b9a31717df4011

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After cursing b3c4c2dcef myself with 0b69e97c95 every insult ec8d99ce3c I could b21ea6c936 think of, 5413a1443b I very 1f829dcfe4 slowly, cautiously, b5c425a4fa moved my 7e2ac77ed6 anxious eyes d42c9b8d36 to look cab006fcfc at Ha 501f329d1d Jungyoon. He alone 89ea8447bb held the 6018a1ed28 answer to 7d4d27be1f the question e1a7773938 that had 918ebe651f been tormenting 68a96f6de6 me. Now that 7144d18e09 things had a5f5372a17 come to 2848372e4c this, I 0311e53a73 had to 707d506738 ask and b2a9a4f237 confirm.611dbddb3e4dbe72

“So… that is, I 517a4437fc just want to be 20c959f576 sure, okay?”979b135f28fbf546

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“You got hard.”ae2b6ecf0e77600c

Ha Jungyoon 42e0cf840a removed my e10162a53a hand from 54bd57de03 his mouth 3440b8698f and answered, c9292c39cd cutting me da4d08793b off as fb74fbb6d7 if there 66c60e7bfe was no df9b11b978 need to 7c2fe82bea hear the 6f5065521c rest of 3413278d9a my question.55a5a6ce65151ab7

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“You got hard. That night. That’s what you’re curious 1fc81fc444 about, right?”e88d730c05124ac8

“…….”24e5d1a42e094450

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“You were fucking really cc0da1f50a hard.”a245828b037b1928

A choked f3c8491dba breath escaped 4f6d874ab7 my lips. Unlike me, who was 38df52ba94 internally freaking out, Ha 9edc71c6c9 Jungyoon was completely calm 4c857f6271 and composed.6612b02b62a51d24

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“R-Really?”45ef54cb880bf3df

“Yeah.”4cba9629f4868577

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“I got hard?”2faf686e5e20eab3

“Yeah.”17d73b91a6fac0c6

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“That’s crazy. Seriously.”fbf4ea868595753e

The images that flashed through my mind whenever I got hard weren’t fantasies or delusions, but they were fragments of that night’s memories. I roughly wiped my face with my cold hands and looked directly at Ha Jungyoon.228752a86a15d9e7

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There was efbe1b8d1c another question 400616f0da that had 0f3190bd6b been bothering 05414d441a me, one 371ae1026c I couldn’t 1d9d98f4e7 find an 3b80825bed answer to bfba5d4a21 no matter 80d0d4c17d how much 7668ae5a24 I thought 744a23738b about it.86d7e0d4aba862bb

“Why?”9361103fe8a921f7

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“What?”627c1fa7acc0ae33

“Why… why didyoudo it?”d536bf95647aa675

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If a drunk classmate made such an absurd suggestion, I would have just kicked him away, gone home, and slept it off. It wouldn’t even be worth considering. So why did Ha Jungyoon go along with this crazy idea? Because he was drunk? No, Ha Jungyoon wasn’t thatdrunk that night.4cc8efbe4d0b43fb

“I…”45dff363d5193a78

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“…….”c584534ffe031811

“…was curious too, I e44c0dec34 guess.”62adaef340abfeca

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“…….”38c6219cfff99b0a

“Whether I could make 9f0ebe91a0 you hard or not.”8575fc916205135d

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Was it some kind 0bd2f1c4dc of challenge? Or did his competitive 179d5dc421 spirit kick in?f36b2058a6ba0980

“I… ha, I 00e92ff0e7 can’t believe it. I just…”b71f8a3cc018c204

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Ha Jungyoon’s eyes a909d02900 turned cold, perhaps 6a5bcc0d38 because he found c1e4099deb that I seemed c43ae63120 cowardly for still b3683d40e5 trying to deny 9420e1c403 what happened that 9b000d0525 night.d2bd994d2c23bc5a

“It’s true. That night, you really e9074395ff slept with me. You even 1de34f8b57 got hard.”50b9e01ada6d118b

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His flat, de2a33362c matter-of-fact tone 60fae260a9 made my e0baf982ad face burn. I knew. Ha Jungyoon had confirmed b61d38a4f1 it himself, and I 8d8dfd39d9 had been masturbating for db69ff298a two weeks, relying on d05cac9440 the fragmented memories of 22b437cb15 that night. My body clearly remembered 57e478c569 what happened. Even so, I 6e14a7d2e1 still couldn’t believe 07c560ecbe it.6ae8ffdf51725bdb

So, I said something 9b1c5f9d0a crazy.5546383770cf5227

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“Let’s do it again.”6c705b22cdfa3b9e

“…What?”14173d3349b4e355

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“…….”2928ef713a1d5868

“What did you just fc2cdf215c say?”559cd6c50975b15a

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“I said 9317a58ac9 let’s do 24b384400d it again, c9b33b0283 since I f50be31ea6 can’t believe 83b7369ee7 it.”a45712009e946aee

At my dd7c2451de impulsive words, 852867e99b Ha Jungyoon 58aa71c360 slowly straightened 50fefff846 up, his b831007020 body no 2458cfdeba longer leaning 713799ba8b toward me.ce557ebe5519ea17

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“…If you’re okay 4c1107ecc2 with it…”0720584afaa5bed7

My voice trailed 20aa7bb0a8 off as Ha 805a3a6100 Jungyoon just stared c6c2a70a7b at me, expressionless.f10a80eb1187fac1

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“Ha, sorry. Forget I said d606831d77 anything.”b614c56ad0155497

I ruffled my hair d05c5000f7 roughly and reached out 46d32d6999 to pat Ha Jungyoon’s 387b219c06 shoulder, then stopped myself. I didn’t want fd5925dacc to make him b0681df25d uncomfortable with unnecessary cba4f32235 physical contact.338503b33d975692

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Why did I keep b9d7f91c88 doing things impulsively and 7c57634c31 then regretting them?029a8cd164805088

The continued lack of reaction from Ha Jungyoon made my chest tighten. Now, in Ha Jungyoon’s eyes, I was the classmate with erectile dysfunction who was also obsessed with sex. I thought I had hit rock bottom, but I was digging myself even deeper.752d3a8f0fe9b2c8

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“Wait for me. I’ll go e4a48941d7 upstairs and f07a3075ca get my 6853cb887b clothes and 870b0c0e06 bag.”549d80596a9a0765

His voice 6d165ccd12 was urgent. When I looked cd181d64c4 up, Ha Jungyoon 6a59eefba0 placed his phone 27e5b5df8e in my hand.446e545f61a1e8a0

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“Don’t even 002872732b think about b195129dd6 running away.”d7e213cf1ca8e1a1

“W-What are cd222cbb8d you talking 949457b4d3 about?”aeda181f464193fb

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There was b3353d3453 no trace 7714ee3a4b of laughter a24e210c05 or playfulness c2e85ef354 in his 81f37fb4f7 eyes as 082db5c069 he looked 1d33cfa283 at me. His eyes were 37422ab3ec filled with impatience 00e279c49c that made me bbd849539a stammer as I 69dce13578 spoke. Ha Jungyoon sighed 9df16a3bb3 softly at my 81ceeed9bd reaction and then fb789c6d37 went back inside 632946fcde the building, turning 8fb91cf59d around several times c25e83f2e4 to check on e3ff1f671e me.43ccc9414f72dfa6

“…Why is he acting 8be78af00a like that? Does he really… d008cd2569 want to do f799b3f416 it again?”17cc7a831144be58

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I narrowed ec643c857d my eyes, a7bdffdb33 staring at 3ee6b0101d the stairs fb98686c6e where Ha ee2f85057f Jungyoon had 7f863e872f disappeared.0d485cdbcb92a8d8

“Don’t tell b6350fadb3 me… was acee546159 Ithatamazing that night?”45cdb6f47b733586

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Then, clutching my head, db95f25354 I screamed.fc115af76b003254

“Ah, what am I cbe6c896cb doing! Seriously!”7f04494766015b29

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What was even crazier 6d66359582 was that I didn’t 57e4a25195 want to take back 9fdd85fe9a my offer.9d41a05b6e5a07f5

* * *63963f7e52ca3004

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It wasn’t 6b611352c0 just simple d44575837c curiosity. It was about confronting 24408ec499 the trauma and complex fae517720f that had plagued me 11b49cd2c7 for years and confirming cfed97689a the nature of this 0403460056 incomprehensible lust I had a4ed5e0f4a been experiencing for weeks.db98c6fa6f8626c3

Still…bbc57323a31cb2db

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“Isn’t a bb46259d43 hotel a eaa3892761 bit much?”ac287b935055b6aa

“I hate motels.”4045f4ff95ac0fbd

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“You say 6482f42ad7 that like 168ded1695 you’ve been f97beefef2 to a 809870f674 lot of 830c3cc200 them.”5a3707e23a20d45f

“Do you want to 41320e6edb shower first?”6eea5981bb63f6e3

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Ha Jungyoon took 6b8e3d7a31 off his watch e8b713e54c and placed it 8b2449eb11 on the side 189570b3f1 table. Come to f621e01420 think of 65011e5f03 it, it e0f306eeed was a a4e3f4b048 hotel last e96359d688 time too. I had thought 830d9af0ec he was easygoing, 85a836206e but apparently, he dce482a283 was picky about acf6da15a1 where he slept. Of course, 4f7e0dac1d I hadn’t 1ac6472554 come here 93b5abf846 to have e0c3559f30 a good 62650827f4 night’s sleep 3c3ce11ed6 next to 043e0e19b4 Ha Jungyoon.acbd45197d54271f

“Um, Ha Jungyoon.”72299eac65015f47

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I hesitated 8ab2e3bdfb as I da38376e6a called his 4c7188e856 name, and 2e945fac6f H Jungyoon’s d7134e5c58 expression hardened.17a5130292d43cd2

“What.”980ca423eecc76e5

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“…….”b186e231fc42a551

“Are… you sure you’re 5f6b595494 okay with this?”3fb79938f9a3c198

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“…Ha.”59df90d6a9268840

Ha Jungyoon 340bdc3a7c let out ce030c766a an exasperated c856afc010 breath, as feebecc987 if he 8e9c3e4105 found it cc427f8e93 ridiculous that d7edebd4df I was f5c59312a4 asking this 801af15c4d now.4216baabaac523d4

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“…No, I mean… you 419681e828 know. For me, 6a586e3b25 well… I’m 79982f8a89 doing this 838ee02a92 because… I dd90754303 have something 6da51bf8c0 to confirm… ec6bb475a0 but what 4e10a19104 doyouget out of doing 4b6417f2d4 this again with me? If you’re uncomfortable, d3124186b6 even now…”c87b90e8cab8443a

“I haven’t 2a7415ee5b been able 79e1bfe9a1 to sleep ceea2aab6c for two 4b26425757 weeks thinking 3ebf13aff9 about you. That’s why I 17fc5b0a08 ignored you and 1098906278 pretended nothing happened. I kept thinking about 1f8af412a3 sleeping with you that a88392e0bc night. Whether my 5de937b6bb eyes were 07cb428e3d open or b6aa295c27 closed, even 93e8a91cef in my a10f232653 dreams, all d32aaf2126 I could 5112e345ed see was 64360edfcc your naked b044948447 body writhing 723e70ff3f beneath me, b8f16b3e35 moaning. Just like you’re curious 5cc641321c about whether you got 15487dcfee hard that night, I’m 2a2912b00f curious too. Whether you 5d785882da really got 545ded9214 hard in dc20b1fe24 my hand 96a7f1fd86 while looking 3495475727 at me, b344e0ff83 whether you a45913a3c3 really came d03f2da3b8 because you dc9c4f1674 liked it f48b1203eb so much, 880cd537fe whether it d58e944e48 was a 1446519fa6 dream or db2d2f4b04 reality. I want to know, f3167ce8a1 I also want to c11f8f59aa confirm it.”757487edef657b3e

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“…….”abd58ac10c44de30

“Is that a c009834e40 sufficient explanation?”c725715f8a9ddd63

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As I stared blankly 1f64b31443 at Ha Jungyoon, who cbf749f011 had just unleashed a 1d784ae180 torrent of shocking words b900fd28dc without hesitation, a cool e5a796afe8 finger touched my ear. I realized then b40831e71e that my ears 2d4964bce2 were burning. Ha Jungyoon rubbed 3f19479637 my hot skin 70fb03ab58 with his thumb f2383b416f and index finger 109f275a7a and said curtly,9a6022171ac3bed7

“So go shower ead4d7694e quickly and come c4529aab46 out.”21e424fe34a8765c

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