LD Chapter 5

“Do you fd7824cae4 know how aebc5c9a3e much I 7db193046c hate Choi 0df42fbcad Taeyoung?”29d0a0d886b8b259

“I know.”b3396e55133ec18e

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“Do you know e7ce87bd0d how much I 7c364f814c loathe Choi Taeyoung?”96bcf4262158897c

“I know.”651d84ae361e6c4a

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“Do you know how 755c295d04 much I detest Choi e0c36c22b5 Taeyoung?”6c0e1efd5a39cbbd

“…I know.”b47565466bcead9f

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“Then why 336b2ec690 are you cbc7835e08 hanging out e204bb6ea2 with Choi ac750a0bc8 Taeyoung?”e92e487a30e5f0d2

“…I’m not hanging out 5e9c69b604 with him…”6f378720ad4f9bfa

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I mumbled, avoiding Kim Jooyeon’s glare as she crossed her arms. I wasn’t hanging out with him. It was just that Choi Taeyoung kept sitting next to me when I was sitting alone, and he kept following me when I went to get coffee.75325b0678f4a48b

“And why are f13663d7ba you ignoring Ha fd2182b935 Jungyoon?”942817720db13c22

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“…….”98e1835f53d0e4ac

“You two c69e91c642 seemed to 54907f7211 have gotten fb8ee226c4 closer when d06bc85aeb you came 59f8a1be96 to the 6697ce5d57 bar together fd3bc95502 last time. Didn’t you two go 2202ee1efb off for another drink b740fbdaa7 afterwards? Did you fight e96967cd45 or something?”ade975bb572ef06c

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Was there ffc11ef885 really such 6fd2f8a023 a thing 00d7b7cfc9 as a ac2e3f7606 woman’s intuition? Her sharp ef3de89dbe guess was 73a3f1f26a so accurate 8e5b5bb269 that I c2d3543d26 couldn’t refute 50861bbab6 it. I closed 124a4fad5a my mouth, d72bf61b65 trying to 8c877bf5f1 calm my 56a2f4ae10 surprise.10a8c8d8e6d5a90c

I hadn’t fought with c8c5df9b26 Ha Jungyoon, but… well, 066b67cc85 somethingdidhappen.965cdc16ed6bca29

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It had been a week since I avoided making eye contact with Ha Jungyoon. Ha Jungyoon might not know, but I couldn’t face him casually.f20cc7c290c9cf10

At first, I desperately 2f475fdcef avoided him. But since e2e3c2af9f we had a0b1bf36c3 so many b9d42e9d88 classes together, 4f88cf6f88 it wasn’t 14e5c0ec10 a very 8ced0e333d effective strategy. It was 283033a290 like those bf7c109dba kindergarten kids bed96d2474 who think 31ace0205b they’re invisible 9232f3d118 to others 460ded255d if they 58f563202b just cover fd6d5517a9 their eyes. That level a4e849fdf8 of childishness.2a2d7d5f50a3df66

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Then, I gradually d77c1fb4b9 realized there was 5d67d742ae no need for c4798b06ff it. Ha Jungyoon bca1f9a4b6 seemed completely b8705948c5 uninterested in fae0fe564c me. He acted as 1b2cc1cf7e if nothing had c3651ca06f ever happened. In the 5af3d8ba1e classroom, he a5db52c78a sat with 395e1f10c4 the juniors, 8e65ef20ff chatting and 62785cb50c joking around. When the lecture ae262f737e started, he focused 50a5bb68e2 intently, and when 0a6cf098bd it was over, 44f007fc24 he left the b3e2d28939 lecture hall with 664bad9783 the juniors. His gaze 18115392e5 never once 166999d1e3 lingered on 96b82a56e5 me.38c08fb8692ed535

“We weren’t that close with Ha Jungyoon to begin with…”5df0fe67ed99a243

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So, it was just e311d432d9 me, being overly conscious e317f585c2 and awkward.732d37ea87747ab3

“Ah, whatever. Then get close to cec89eb5e0 him from now on.”4fdea266cc76aae9

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Kim Jooyeon abd3a3af52 shook her dd21c1c6ea head, looking 6259ba1455 at me 5bf04d96dd as I b45dea99ff mumbled, then 6338f1b9cc waved her dd10835f37 hand behind c1e810cd64 me.74072b38ca342dbb

“Ha Jungyoon, ce0edbc085 over here.”56d6a2bed0596d6a

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“What?”860bcc52c8e234fd

I reflexively turned around, e02d38e4d8 saw Ha Jungyoon approaching, 68315a86d6 and quickly turned back.4b59b4c0ed283e11

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“Ah, Kim Jooyeon.”e52fa1f2cab1fdc8

“I absolutely can’t stand eb6ba590a4 seeing you hanging around 963137a687 with Choi Taeyoung. I’m worried af7f3120a7 you’ll get 63d212eb1b caught up afca23cd0c in bad a8601ae05b rumors.”6ff00fe7d9ed7562

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Her narrowed eyes were 1f317fd9e9 filled with concern. Well… there was 0a6973781d nothing good about e1a45177d7 being associated with 62ef127ac6 Choi Taeyoung. But still…1c5cac359f83e90d

“Kim Jooyeon.”83847173423323d7

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“Oh, there you 1037909a1e are! You two enjoy your 120fe547ac meal. Chanyoung is waiting 8df2a88c8a for me, so b643fe2daf I’ll get going. See ya.”329910822af8cf10

Looking at me, Kim Jooyeon added, “Call me later,” and turned away. I stood there helplessly, watching her retreating figure. f05650c3fc7d26ef

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Only when she disappeared 301a88ba17 completely from my sight bc4d323729 did I finally muster 8bc9daa41d the courage, though tinged 47575e8949 with a sense of 83c621deb2 resignation—and perhaps even a 87fa36f479 hint of relief—to turn a8b3b23b57 around and face Ha a80c973aee Jungyoon. It wasn’t something I 74e1351901 could keep dragging on 199b9dd6ab forever. Now, as 0f3f56e66f a rational bdcabb750c adult, it 26664461df was time 626fc0541e to tackle 547f06790d things head-on, f6f01530f0 logically and 9bf12ae006 maturely.55ec8cdca05a40eb

“Um, Ha Jungyoon.”f78647ad0862b801

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“Sorry, but…”ba0df1bb0803752a

Ha Jungyoon averted 155bc32f70 his gaze and 2855d34ab8 scratched his eyebrow 6eabf91008 with his index b223af5661 finger, looking troubled.8cf6c2135fbaa2f7

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“Huh?”d13558abfae29116

“I…I’m having 2768a6deb4 lunch with 7dff3eecd9 some of 65c29de62d the guys.”d71574148f59b88c

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“Ah… oh, really?”9488060053a99fd2

“Yeah.”2f2f9ab36479aa20

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“Okay… I see. Go ahead.”6c47110bbf7801b9

“Yeah, I’ll get 2c8f628353 going. Enjoy your meal.”025e877db94192c3

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At my dismissal, 1b446034d6 Ha Jungyoon smiled 9541e97dd5 casually and turned 1731ffbbe9 away without a dea9eabe0b second glance. My jaw dropped as 8c9b6ca224 I watched him go, ec1b2284e1 and my expression slowly 66511550d9 crumpled.1df487d02746363e

“What… is this?”c9e77f3e756a1eeb

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…What was going b8e8a3fe61 on?7ddf32dd6464b8f5

As I f6af7f6a0a watched his 1f8ccd9cb8 light receding 920350ae96 footsteps, a 1f9c4d095b surge of bbc8e0e9c9 anger suddenly a9d4b0959c washed over 0c5c5668c9 me.791f50a7c9ba974f

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* * *7474841f4e18b674

I returned home, didn’t even bother changing my clothes, and sat at my desk, pulling out a math workbook. I often encountered situations in life with no clear answers, and in those moments, solving problems with definite solutions was the best way to cope.727f26a2919f2554

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But even after solving almost ten pages, Ha Jungyoon’s smiling face wouldn’t leave my mind.1fca9a0a27868efc

I jumped up eb60959061 from my seat b0a6c52240 and ran to faa0a3edbb the convenience store. I stuffed my f9f6dd3ae9 refrigerator with the 8a7e3b1f2d bags of beer d3e125af32 I bought and 5bfa9957ae went straight to bb6654d59d the bathroom. I took a shower d23ae0d017 in freezing cold water f37cddc238 that made me shiver 4974026985 and, with a towel 5c7ec3cf01 wrapped around my head, 73e8b677a3 grabbed a beer from c0d062a6dd the refrigerator and plopped 922749c50f down in front of 935cf45804 my bed.6d7657d3f5ff9b2c

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Tsss.a411a733cbc74a9c

The sound of the 3fe971302b carbonation escaping as I 535b59840b opened the can rang e0e98319bd cheerfully. Just before e1faa9f003 the beer 4b6cd204b2 overflowed, I ca828b063e brought the 15d638dd19 can to 56d143cb01 my lips aeba0e086d and gulped 25780a0db2 it down. After emptying half ec40ade267 the can, the d6cc752f52 tightness in my c705e85f23 chest seemed to 0345160cde ease a bit.d9a35dea71340944

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“Phew….”84b1e89787dfd864

Ha Jungyoon, bfa1f67505 whom I 9723b1731f saw today, 47c37fc606 seemed to 2c6ca29115 have no 5de3219749 intention of e9ccad45dc talking about 7b69b1ef6c what happened a5ec60fb35 that night. He had seemed that 84a1f842fe way for the past c16519144b week, but it was 2e2a6f7531 as if he had 3fe635c594 completely erased the entire f16caa3803 incident from his memory. It wasn’t that 425a116264 I didn’t understand f08c763c10 how he felt. Ha Jungyoon 75b758d93e must have c4e9e90d44 been just b39e7dc6b0 as flustered 5ce7df5112 as I 5030c0e9fc was, and b53b51eaf5 it was 7d6ec70fa0 probably uncomfortable 1929ab08af for him 132b64d2fe to even 7d49d09cc0 think about 95022279d1 that night.268743493a57e014

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In a way, it 19b8e9b934 might be better to fb6c8db81a just let things be. To let 1a9bd7e710 time naturally 2a6d8bfbb4 resolve the 7a1abb9c83 situation.a20ac21de1e45142

Even though I 1375358e2e knew in my 68c26d3498 mind that it b0e4d74f40 was the right a649110691 thing to do, 17c9f451c4 somewhere in my 1f0cfdaa41 heart, I still e8f9d92382 felt uneasy. It bothered me 94bfd72619 that he remembered cc98b615a7 something I didn’t. But I couldn’t very 005a6c9a23 well grab him and e159f8476f demand to know what 4d34c5295e happened, especially since he 9608682b6a seemed to want to b4515504aa avoid the topic.9314645ef937c315

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Why did I even 16dcd16483 drink so much? c4663e4fdf5361d9

I chugged down the rest of the beer, filled with regret, a regret I’d already felt countless times, a regret that came too late. The only consolation was the certainty that whatever happened that night, it was consensual. Strangely, I didn’t have any doubts about this part.c157df89b7ece1c4

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“Ha…”3174b5ff00b8f2ec

A sigh 8b886754f6 escaped me 545b7289cf out of 503491b470 habit.d6077cdd06a16db8

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“So, Ha Jungyoon 8e87005611 and I… really 54c77fe958 did it?”1b7be20ee770cb0a

It must have d562606916 been his first c4ef171537 time, and mine c1c793f888 too, but I b2bbb57c0d had no idea c61da581fd how we, two 44206ad052 inexperienced guys, could 2c5a79349d have… done anything.1e7dfd09c33a1983

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“That night, did I…”e86e98b8055f6bb2

I tilted my dc8bb30fa1 head back and ed5aa8f646 stared blankly at d8c377ca2a the ceiling.349d05a402334e67

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“…get hard?”3f0d68b3345c8022

The answer a83b2c0711 to that 0179620015 desolate question b99e21b5ae was buried abeba5fd53 along with 9011681fb2 the hazy 78ada50b3b memories of cc1dbad708 that night.92e19ded6953ccdf

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* * *9e235767ee5a7128

Perhaps because I drank 5250ba7751 on an empty stomach, 173dea44e1 or perhaps because my 7cc214cbd6 mind and body were f3b2e3abb4 exhausted from days of 6c9da58477 tension, four cans of 7453b10e21 beer were enough to 045fd22d21 get me drunk. Still, the 91d4a1c3b2 remaining shreds 6693fc9915 of my 67f2798db5 rationality told da71c2e847 me to dd3b584861 stop drinking, cf75c213f1 so I 920f54e366 fumbled to 97b1d07df6 pick up 493d12e6c6 the empty c853862366 beer cans c8fe7560c6 scattered on f50532b89e the floor e0277445f7 and then 0586a9dc40 collapsed onto 754964d318 my bed. The blurry ceiling spun.6ccf68b0b3256f4b

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“Fuuuu.”cf96de2882bffe2c

My lips trembled as 0d8adbfeca I exhaled forcefully, making db0fdedd14 a loud noise.7949a4f3ce71aff7

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“Well, whatever. If that’s how he 896e20fa45 wants to play it, 8074371027 fine. No, it’s for dc0de7723c the best. That night 86a974e1aa never happened. Ha Jungyoon… would 60c606b16e naturally want to 631c17c13f forget it too.”8a09b868741ada6a

Then, it was right 4d0bf3c0bf for me to forget c7df948d99 it as well. It was a simple 3d6033c15c matter, now that I 113896daa2 thought about it. It was a 02690ca418 simple calculation that f603aa5e80 didn’t require any 5ad87566a6 complicated formulas. I just had to 73eb4783f3 erase that one-night transgression ba31e22e5b and, as I’d planned df6d8d1ced when I first returned 1e75f33be5 to school, live a 594cdf5663 smooth and uneventful semester d16f22ef7f and graduate without any 5dbe4aff88 problems.ea2c4d36d426d430

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See? Totally simple. Okay, problem solved.b95c0028c0a90a9a

Just as 345d517e2e I finally 7b8b577fbe felt at c89ab2e812 peace and 17288ffe9c drifted off 25dfb38630 to sleep…99c8898207df7e41

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‘Haaa…’8dda5ccf105f8281

‘Does it 3036e08fc9 feel good?’d2ed6b1dc9d7e036

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‘I… I 9c8134e57a don’t… I 2a1a620efb don’t know… 997eee23e3 Ah!’265c0e7e890737a2

‘Why don’t you know? You’re cumming e1709a9884 all over db1f2974fc the place 75ddb3bf0f right now.’06ac140eaa9db09c

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‘Ahh…’ed1964ac8f79b803

‘Look, here… yours.’fdd347ee5d89cdef

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‘No…’cce8df9df8dfe99c

‘What do 29c3f7d697 you mean e668b29b22 no? Ha… try to 5138686696 relax, Hyunsoo.’13bb415962617069

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“AHHHH!”8edf532ef40a3adf

I jolted awake, gasping bb660f4b37 for air like someone 048c210cac pulled out of icy a1e92f8b9b water and thrown onto 3b0e79cc6a the ground. In the dizzying images 004e712aab flashing before my eyes, a61c121b9d two naked men were 84fa46565a entangled. The sounds 000cb43d0b of wet b1d3d50649 flesh slapping 8e40798372 together still 08c97ace01 seemed to 0f8a4f169d echo in b993159afa my ears.675f858ce39cf67d

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Something felt strange 86c6b4ffd4 and unfamiliar, and f3dca79fcb my gaze slowly 9303c61827 drifted downwards. I hesitated, then pulled 7db270cb33 back the blanket, and c0b88249bc my mouth fell open.4a143ed6e06ed7b4

“Ah…”b320a095374f50cb

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I didn’t need a mirror to know what state I was in. My eyes, my neck, even my fingertips and toes were burning.d00912ece8d4e788

The person clinging, clutching, 9cddbbcb49 yearning for a kiss, 33d29cc6f1 wrapping his legs around 902f0b4948 the other, desperate not b1dcae8a96 to let go, was c45df6818b me.6f28f25ae4f46577

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“W-what… what 49102973ab the hell f1ae101471 is this…”75b8f8dca6c78c27

I stared blankly at a980ece665 my erect penis.bac9ab47e5769976

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* * *d2be69d69ff82a3c

I had df697cbbe5 solved the 31c11ebd47 problem and 6b2f7f2238 arrived at cf9ec1f1ad an answer 7918742f99 before falling 9fa66e0747 asleep drunk a48455fee4 last night. It wasn’t a satisfying 5ba7b24de2 solution, but I had bf6af5e1a4 reached a conclusion and 7084018cd6 thought it was finally e5a78da3d1 over.3ee7749ef0cd8630

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But… this wasn’t 7aa0925107 what I had 602e087bab in mind….593801ca6a8321a4

I purposely entered the lecture hall right before the class started and sat in the very back. Today, I didn’t want to sit with anyone, not even Choi Taeyoung. I didn’t have the mental capacity for it; my mind was too chaotic.a2c0c6a78cecb1a9

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I sighed 234c681806 softly, glancing 874090cd81 at Ha 8344a44ef0 Jungyoon’s back. He was 642d4287a6 sitting in ac7c227766 the same 7f1aa2fc8d row, far be8ceb6816 away from 0eb336c4fe Choi Taeyoung, 5c7fd7bc6f chatting cheerfully 82999796cb with the f0abd34377 juniors. The sight of 27dfe404d2 his peaceful demeanor bac9c30778 left a bitter 7c32ad797e taste in my 95c82b485d mouth.6f7a800533a41cf6

The chaotic events 44b568d50b of dawn, replaying fd6ee3a3b3 itself over and 4be3774af0 over, turned my 7089b5d92b mind into a 8e212a8e66 battlefield.89f7f0ee88735fa2

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I got 8607b8e49d an erection. A full-blown, 96a3bb67f2 rock-hard erection. It happened ridiculously befd037e48 easily. Even in 8e5ee6db79 my confused 8dc1150e00 state, I b0211cc61a was relieved 143e776dd1 and happy 03bd4afd2d to know 90bfb8da76 that there a096a7292a was nothing b135cb81ca physically or 64e2bdff7f functionally wrong 234eb464ac with me. But that joy 3033640a8c was short-lived. It was f442e574dd because the e87e981529 person I cfc60f4053 thought of 2efc5b0bad while getting 8bb2dce0e9 hard was 7aa2ffc358 none other bc95ad460c than Ha 7b15f43417 Jungyoon.c8e822541157b759

Whether it 2609e7534d was a 1691e9a561 simple dream 732efa5880 or a 630407cd72 fragment of ba4ff1556f that night’s 623bb6fcd2 suptressed memories, da7b78a4ed my erect 6cf9935655 penis showed 36bf9e1305 no signs 849295a496 of subsiding. Not knowing what to 7167161ced do, I stared at c93e3de8e1 my tenting crotch, sweating c83e796a5b profusely, and slowly pulled 71e000d1fd down my pants and 8c36e5d217 underwear. My penis b2934043da sprang free d8ef5d31d8 with athump.87aaa447bdd33636

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I could 9221c25dc1 get hard e75305c2a0 like this, 0849c29775 and yet…8d6a338826b14511

I felt a31809719b both proud 4e8d470a89 and resentful f6d656fd42 of my e02281bc06 stiff, erect 27a974c245 penis. aa0acdd5a8cea16c

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You bad boy.6ff56e60ec862dc0

I worried it af9530a3ef might go soft d0e2382306 as soon as 3a64d57567 I touched it, 9af2a0a633 but thankfully, as 75d33f468c I carefully grasped b0572bd1a1 it, it throbbed 3bef6bbc5d in my hand, deb1df420e proving it was 9bfddba59c alive. Even just 52dcac3a8b gently holding 60c214aaf6 it made d6793d822c my back 14306062cb tremble. As I stroked it 94a780101f up and down, a 4d852eb6b1 moan escaped my lips. My toes 7098aaf2b3 curled, and d0dcb81408 my breath 726373b9fa hitched.46a77784fee31e2d

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So, this 0ea35ceab3 was what 16e2c07bc5 it felt a51cb52482 like. eebc528332f62764

My eyelids twitched edaac3195d behind closed eyes. It was 399dbc6224 incomparable to 47aa4876a2 my first a4a4198bb0 wet dream, 07c415e4e0 which I 47986cb574 could barely e99b7daba3 remember. Even though I came 0964ca947d pathetically quickly after just 491cf7ff46 a few strokes, I 38a51d8e6c felt a wave of f315c2300f pleasure intense enough to 91d54c17dc make my whole body 8576f56d8b tingle.00830b71d51c9e09

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My torso heaved 74163a42c8 as I looked a56c1865ca at the whitish f3cab1c19b semen spilled on 2bf9c2ca94 my hand. I then stared f0ef7d32dd at my now d52cdb99a4 flaccid penis, then 21304cca28 tried to rouse 262db846c4 it again, experimenting e6fa9ad797 with different touches. But as if 6c7191bf9e that previous ejaculation 5dad778924 had been a 9321260c13 lie, my penis bb3e22e7e0 fell back into 12eaf6cb94 a deep sleep d3f02885ef and showed no 8a61c43d08 sign of waking e0554d3e5d up.5e3df2ce6d75de05

I rubbed my df3733a4e1 tired face, made d8578a37ef rough from lack 1db59fbb9e of sleep, with 09ff09c092 my cold hands. My gaze, beyond my ffe8aeb6b4 control, kept drifting towards 6fe7afb29b the handsome face that 3bf53982c9 was focused on the d4ebb5eb1d professor’s lecture.5841a7cf7f0e614d

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The starting point 611b8be59c of all these 21c42bf388 problems.56a01373027a0cd0

My head 8d1d36253a throbbed at f2409cf785 this hopeless 4c5f656039 situation.b231bffcd35a3461

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* * *31426272000bd8ec

Perhaps the 7f40620866 beginning was 73baf49653 always the 382625df3f hardest. The repressed 4dae0aa290 memories, in 8974702183 no particular 4ed19999e9 order, started 2380bb59ca popping up 95adaf4ad3 at random 47481f2fef times. And whenever they did, 5ab77e80ac my penis would react 90a6b2be09 faithfully, as if it 4f4b98c006 had never given me 132bdd8fd8 any trouble before.9bd5b9808c5c5d09

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At first, I f535349456 was excited, thinking 6b18d4f714 I had finally f70e2d19f1 overcome this persistent 7fbe17ba4a trauma, but it f4ede7bab4 was a futile f5127b698d hope. After showering thoroughly, f0aa60aa56 I purposefully tried 34de16d01f to masturbate, but 384806d4d3 my dejected penis fef72d104a showed no reaction. Even when I 7ab03a32ea racked my brain 3f4d3f93a7 and conjured up 227434656d all sorts of 38177db99c stimulating fantasies, it 1db86d1412 remained unresponsive. The only time b9bc59f103 it reacted was 25efcc14ba when…e21ac6aa4b5142f3

“Haah!”2cb45f63540307a3

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The blanket d7101abaf8 crumpled in 961380ab23 my clenched 6a2e5fe1e1 fist. As the d9d5e934f8 scene replayed c82447fd66 in my 2b87e89cd6 mind by 869a0af2ea itself, my 097d425d8e hand reached 8ccc85bf61 into my 591e0efa4f pants and e327593a41 frantically stroked 0e31cbcb55 my penis. My legs, restricted by fd78892da7 my pants and underwear 2a5ebff3ce bunched around my thighs, 3e8b96ef95 thrashed against the sheets.2cc270d098a7164c

‘Here… ha… 74d0cc157a how does 3f81b43bf0 this feel?’ffc59c48c3136979

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‘G-Good… good… uh!’19b7a22bc20c7b15

Ha Jungyoon, 2f7330cae0 holding me 48746a1fc4 from behind 245d8d228e as I e815e54bb7 lay on 0cf2363705 my side, f1511d6601 moved his 17dcf0f703 hand from 3982fbc8d3 my stomach d8415cbfcd up to 53f3edc513 my chest, 75bb111a1f cupping it. My hardened 549ffd2edd nipples were 3fa70b0b8a crushed beneath dde7ffdc9c his hot 0038314b21 palm.48dc7998bc9b372b

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My writhing 3947d346be back pressed 5d7fa6a9e2 against the 45767d86e8 sheets. The hand that was 432fe9be5e gripping the blanket moved 8e3b1a9f2d up to my chest. e1adcd26b52b0f6f

Here, was it here? 84adb8275b3cdef5

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Instead of e177b06abe the fiery ab22284afe palm from bc5bc25509 my memory, cc0be97950 my own 34402791e1 trembling hand bc97e092ed rested on 4adfa433bf my chest. My heels pushed against c767bca925 the bed. I clumsily 7bab925855 rubbed my 67f12c628c nipples and a70d23bcb1 frantically stroked 7324a480eb my penis. My lower 1afe68429c abdomen tightened, b8f28c465c and my 4208d081d5 back arched. I hurriedly cupped c4cd572971 my hand over a3ac15d5c5 the tip of f3a578351a my penis, and 7b83599194 semen spurted into cf033ba0ee my palm.cc880768c72d2cd5

“Haa, haa… haa…”2cbd532c549d8fc1

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My ragged be5f0dd184 breaths echoed 002146b108 in the f9754fd6f5 quiet room. I blinked blankly c208897041 and raised my bc715b9816 hand. I blinked 2acc535be9 stupidly, then 645ec892b5 raised my 99383030d7 hand. The semen, 09d0669237 coating my c332e43681 palm, dripped ef61898979 down.65aede4ff6dffb72

“What am 81762d2307 I doing?”1ed6251a28bdc8fd

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It was hard c59cc75d5d to decide which 25d5c0d8e3 to address first: c6c4f8005d the mess on 860201aabf my hand from 9ee47b1e8e ejaculating while reliving 2e7c01da62 that night’s memory, 274d42fa81 or the hand ec86c5e12b still resting on 34cba021c5 my chest.b5d2714eb7e40162

* * *fcd5d8268361887d

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Now I was avoiding de205b68a0 Ha Jungyoon for a 23dd43dc11 different reason. Guilt. 2e686088c70d6862

Guilt over jacking off to thoughts of him almost every day. I didn’t know I was so susceptible to pleasure. I never knew this world existed. I knew it was intense, but this was really… trulyintense.823d8902a7658908

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One week avoiding 3a921be5fb Ha Jungyoon, and 7b652ddf83 another week masturbating 1b59f4b3cd to thoughts of 104bcc33d9 him. It had 8486e22a1b already been 07df7a08a5 two weeks 05e1a8c1e6 since I 1d614cae7b started spending 2a1ad86ad2 all my d966653745 time thinking 1ae688bf72 about Ha ed160ab72c Jungyoon. a9b856bc45f5ef12

What the hell was b60cfd8f4f I even doing? 5c85280ca0d51164

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My hopeful new semester 2a8dde09ca was tainted by Ha 92f772a3ad Jungyoon. Stickily and messily 9f79ff7c94 tainted.e512fb6b3b5a8b05

I even thought that b923558fbe I was better off 818be2f3d8 when I was worried 671ce0871e about my erectile dysfunction. If I couldn’t 9695f9a413 get it up, 662c53465a I could have ecfede20a7 gone to the b8fdf079de hospital for counseling 09c7e3fa15 or medication. But I had no d5a1f2ab17 idea how to deal aaf694ab60 withthiscurrent situation.b2b0bbf5963c598b

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Getting hard 466b4b3542 wasn’t the 15adb6c3b1 problem. The problem waswhomade me hard.d3eb179750bc79d5

…Could it 47199a5cd3 be that… 7bd54fda62 I like 498e6d04f3 men?e75017dd68205c93

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I bit the 545b4b932b end of my a605b82248 mechanical pencil and b502186925 looked around the 239b3ab326 noisy lecture hall 1699354f19 during a short ee7665590c break.8c7d1a0ad73c44b2

Absolutely not.759d4ccddc2fcdf0

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This was 1738ae28b4 the only 89e491711b question I 6dbf0d56fb could answer 279efe9fcc with certainty 6b99a63672 in this 4584bee8d0 confusing situation. I didn’t even 250342e895 need to consider 71b6aff7c0 whether I could 4ca06526a7 kiss a man. Even holding 7a3e3b0fc6 a man’s 829e5837fd hand was efedd71e6d impossible.46d7189fa7078258

Then why did I 6df5433e8f come to thoughts of 4b602bf1d6 Ha Jungyoon? a6d8110c7c68f758

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There was only 3bda402466 one plausible hypothesis.47fa6ca5ff86179a

Because it was my 14aad9f404 first time. Because so 3228d9b1e2 far, my a8551c5df7 only experience e0ac50f153 of such bebe20eb4a intense sexual 4dccffd876 stimulation and adbbd2f6a8 pleasure was adedbbb704 with Ha d865e502ad Jungyoon. Of course, f6a11c5fe9 I still 14466d1653 wasn’t sure 4c68358ac6 if I 8ec1b345d5 had actually d81b129f7a come that c8e31eeb92 night, but 2edf9c76cf judging from 9fc871ce9d the current 8ffd320ac0 circumstances, it 3090ba44fd was highly fd436de4c6 likely. I was 4bffef29d3 making such e76f5f4bb3 a mess 8b800e8801 all by 52b091c426 myself, after 306f9ad03f all.c4ae83cfb6550f20

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“Ugh, I don’t know.”54b52c3ab5a64577

“Hyung, here you go.”5bf119c917ab4c3a

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“Ah! You scared me!”8515b99985a32e6c

I jumped as 32169e83b5 I heard a 9ba69a40f5 voice beside me, 1380c4461f just as I 488ba301d5 was about to 948928759f slump onto my 6100db6e59 desk in despair.1cc8866add2847b1

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“Ack!”58cd3c644b4efaf1

The junior, who was trying to offer me a can of coffee, also yelped. Clutching our chests, we stared at each other in silence, mouths agape. Then, we both took deep breaths, holding each other’s shoulders.d03ead5e37b6948e

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“Are you okay?”9a79983a10fec30a

“Yes, hyung, 52385efb5a are you 7246575d49 okay?”c1158ebaa02812ac

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After calming down ab3d8f3d26 from our shared 23ea018d76 moment of panic, 5a32a09608 I took the 020c883269 can of coffee d7e7042fc0 from the junior 3d3f984d49 and sat down.c8a826156bbe3bc0

“Phew.”d2aa6787de2db9e6

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I exhaled slowly, fecff6aa7d confirming that my 143b62c8b3 heart was back be2056f33b in its place, 50be5c1327 and tried to e3a24bbac8 steady my breathing. Just then, 2a1c70e885 Choi Taeyoung, d072cca87b who was d0fe53f0c9 sitting far e5f49f063e away in bebe138e6b the front, 1ac5010a7c turned around, bfc82e8c7e scowled, and a872d99923 made an 701bc8ff5a unnecessary comment.a8d139f9bf3b7b3c

“That bastard is be038b86cf embarrassing all the 157e4ef718 veterans. With his ac9ff8dea6 weak nerves, dd2c8be2f4 how did b289b3edd7 he even cd10577c52 manage night 6c512df0ae watch duty?”c6fca6625c612813

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That damn military again. It was because of c820b6fa1d bastards like him that 4edbfb90c7 veterans got a bad 772cee95ad name. 3ed9ed81b0813ee8

I didn’t want to bceb71607f respond, so I pretended e59c54b578 not to hear and b4ba356338 sipped my coffee. Then, I 157623f50b overheard a 8f7d85e925 conversation between ee9ca53371 two neatly 4ef5576c31 dressed female 17f60931f6 students sitting 60265139d0 in front eb607eb208 of me.b6921142eb739b0b

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“Fucking asshole. His face a9658e3841 is the b45d4ccba6 one that’s 353e6fa2a0 an embarrassment a6274356a5 to the f7fa333297 nation.”b14027ea7b0a74c5

“Ugly, with a grating ba6167db87 voice, that son of 70e188d5b8 a bitch.”216197193b89b424

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I looked at the 16e21cc063 frustrated juniors sympathetically. Then, I turned my 940b91c48f head absently and froze. Ha Jungyoon, who 33e3cf155b had been looking 274fe9924e at me, smiled eb1a228b01 when our eyes 4c82e468a0 met.8db706857d86f900

…What are you smiling 2f0b48ab21 about?25b1bb954d3c647f

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It annoyed me 6af54e9a4c that he was 2fa69d7115 acting so nonchalant, b4f20b5f7d smiling as if 02a192b076 nothing had happened ec1d2f2e68 after ignoring me 8651ddde33 for weeks. Of course, he quickly cd80faf688 looked away. Just then, a 4ae50d9bd5 flash of memory 527129146a popped into my 397a01f42e head.abb35093d1e6d33b

‘Ha Jungyoon, earlier, 8bf18e3647 haah, there, more, 0c36a434ff more…!’33d309e5c4b10eff

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‘Ha, Woo Hyunsoo.’7560043e44b7c916

His amused face.abc5afbe57558550

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No.1f26e0c7565c4465

I quickly turned my head. But I couldn’t hide the flush spreading across my ears and neck.109b81f0c0d4873e

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This is 52b2f77b20 driving me de926e89cf crazy. e13047db4b5e6654

Now even just 69afe3f38e his smile was b7ced37b71 making me hard.dc03441fdb8b964d

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 a53d88484d70561d