LD Chapter 3

Ha Jungyoon sat at e1b4f6b4f6 the empty end of 25be6004a8 the table, so I de15311da2 sat across from him. It was supposed to a19d9620ca be a gathering to 06ed3ab3b5 celebrate Kim Jooyeon and 641becb36f Jung Chanyoung’s relationship, but 75f1f99705 it felt more like 829fbe8d0d a general start-of-semester party. Department juniors I 75864eda4b didn’t even know 382e71c67f started showing up 5932d5f9f3 one by one, 0c76d8318a as if we 33ea3ff911 had rented out 8b4927ccb1 the entire bar.e0c6431e3d64d064

The alcohol flowed 9f1a408d56 smoothly as we b3d326eb4a exchanged drinks with 87a19bf435 everyone. I sipped e805656ac8 soju continuously, fdefe2cb8c enjoying the bd8b3a8f26 boisterous atmosphere 57097376b5 I hadn’t 0816da57ae experienced in f8dff617bd a while. Some people were having 678d98da50 serious conversations, others were 2e0bfb4f69 giggling while looking at c5d6bf494d their phones, and others 4c8cd8d74e were gathered in small 30c5cd9e76 groups, chatting.937d31b430884f24

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My eyes, scanning f8fa377a1c the table, stopped 7179e4fffd at Ha Jungyoon. When our eyes met, 85f83e2aba Ha Jungyoon, who had cbd130481b been expressionless, fixed his 56a734b77e gaze on me and, 575aa155ee as if showing off, a8031f2757 lifted the corners of 6dec7302c4 his lips into a dda85e0b25 smile. His face was 20d5283109 truly beautiful. I was 259b4cca16 admiring him 696f6b26a0 anew when 7f9de3a407 a junior b6359cdc0e sitting next 3ea89d7c1f to me 717a84a4c2 suddenly offered b4ad2ebba1 Ha Jungyoon b04301493b a soju f0a90e6083 bottle.52d870ec6e2049c1

“Here,hyungnim¹.”4e3ae8d562ba11d8

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I watched them, my b4ee0d046e eyes darting back and 6492e1e941 forth.667e935f07de2465

“Did you f3b01c889a just get 237332b5e3 out of 212976c5cc a gang 4301e37be1 or something?” 991eeb2237debd2c

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Ha Jungyoon held ecaacb443d out his glass f5ceb79d93 and accepted the 6aeeb8ea5b soju the junior 9ee4f1c27a poured.29be7365a6cd0d92

“Haha! If hyungnim starts a 74cc20ad9d gang, I’ll gladly join!”e8759208570ff06c

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“Go finish a2c04160ae your military e79e726cd3 service first. I don’t accept 306a278a89 non-veterans.” c7a03aa1a9f4241c

“As expected… fcca934fbc the composure dc934f53c3 of a fd3cfc406d veteran.” 273b02991ad6efe9

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“You’re drunk.”7c496a52cb6c2e07

“I apologize!”6fed5c89baa3ae7d

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The junior 2896505ea8 stood up 6f38d55db9 abruptly and 79aa805b5a apologized, and 95deb048db Ha Jungyoon a379f7ff57 filled his 2111d76122 empty glass a06a71fab5 with water.cd2e68c276772704

“Oppa, it 770307410b was such e154959fd8 a shame cd71a9da15 when you 24b14c162a suddenly took 0707493edb a leave 5594fbfc59 of absence.”6d44218af27502f0

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“That’s right! How could 2cab702779 you just 31a3e1c172 suddenly leave d98f273984 for the 91add9ee58 military like e48aeee665 that?”a25efad0ff7ae620

“It was 8798c33cf0 a total 108b60e047 shock.”b3b71d0c7472589c

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Juniors who usually 622dc4dfb5 just shyly greeted 0100d1ce8b him in passing 289ff77f8b were emboldened by 422070398c the alcohol to a606b5b6b1 talk to Ha c526dbf7d2 Jungyoon. I emptied my glass, 064fe8723b who knows how many b8775d56bc times now, and stared 269d87b6a9 at Ha Jungyoon.70d49a90b448307e

“What are you c8a0f80b53 looking at? Are you drunk 277375a491 too?”26f4a29a69da62d6

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Ha Jungyoon pushed a 2d2146de85 glass of ice toward 165f571908 me.4a28361762382bf0

“Did you really register 536d39f476 for the first semester 5d1ddda224 and then take a c69bcf3fb3 leave of absence?”8831fc5b3610556e

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“Yeah.”5cb72b14a7383f24

This was one of ac95d84ad3 the facts I’d learned 00948bbe40 while spending time with 71d2c69b27 Ha Jungyoon over the 2939042627 past week. He had b34c3564ae paid his a59c18587c tuition for 11a4a1ca8f the first b8d89fc105 semester of c226aa71ec his sophomore 1bbfd2e9d3 year and c87ec25b43 attended school 9806052f63 for two bdee5df628 or three 9b517ab9e6 weeks before 02914f4185 suddenly taking c8e77e8efa a leave cbb7dd75c6 of absence 499c45296a and enlisting. He said the department f5b55f8781 had been in an 26df2e51b2 uproar because of it, 60348429c5 especially the freshmen, who 01f5c97da0 were apparently devastated.6a8165b89bf1458c

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“Why?”6ec0d4174e4e24e2

“It can happen. It’s not like taking d9cc845bad a leave of absence 5541926b78 mid-semester is anything unusual.”11dd59f7b260d09c

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It wasn’t unusual, but it wasn’t common either. Was there a reason he had to enlist in the military so suddenly? I decided not to pry, as it didn’t seem polite, so I kept my mouth shut.947d8b4ede16cc62

“Hyungnim, what kind of d0de2b4e19 place is the military…?”87389c44ec1f2909

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A freshman, c7beedac38 already overtaken 6a6ee00589 by alcohol, 5d0939f283 asked Ha b6bceb99b9 Jungyoon, blinking 2f0d08020f his unfocused de1bd58771 eyes with 528d9790ea difficulty.b3acdc732143dbd6

“What do c97fb0c9be you mean a56ab46403 what kind 48e4b73068 of place ee18fcca3a is it? It’s the military.”6257737c3fe8f921

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“…I bet you 24a5b6fdb7 looked good in 24917fb68f uniform, hyung.”b3a8a6f588e3f782

“I didn’tnotlook good.”983a404bb931076b

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“So this is 81ffd3f378 what well-founded confidence 2a6a4c581b looks like…”6361ba8d8a538d14

At the freshman’s b91a7d87c9 drunken rambling, Ha d19975623d Jungyoon shook his 7c3e29166e head, laughing silently.9db83af14a16dd50

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He holds his 638ea227f8 alcohol well.1c8c1216c048adee

From what 8f476b3be4 I’d seen 1dd0911014 so far, 64ba4767fe Ha Jungyoon bc649e83ad had drunk 8246a0bbac at least 647b7828c3 two bottles 7f0b4ef380 of soju. Yet, he didn’t show 71e248fa2d any signs of intoxication. His eyes were 88dfb47dde clear, and his 3059cb4b31 actions and speech 6b0c51a26d were composed.68ff3b28c07a930d

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“Have a d505e0614e drink, hyung.”91bce2e891a4ee59

“Yeah.”38fcf59fdebf2926

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On the other efd0d2db50 hand, my tongue b289d86efb felt a little, 041542707b just a tiiiny 9e7daf7219 bit, sluggish. I bit 3d79dc2d96 the inside 9695f65d20 of my 9a6f7c40b8 lip hard. It hurt, so 8af71eee35 I wasn’t drunk 29a3d537ff yet. Still good. After my cd39e9f7e0 personal test f476620006 to objectively 79a6e1c76b check my b00f31a782 condition, I 153645e2b2 brought my 6f05951d3e glass to ef6bd2a84e the mouth 5d282bca11 of the b94d15030a soju bottle 6985cec0c0 offered by 7dc0e57a1d the junior f192c83171 sitting next d8a47a2a8e to Ha 423643dedd Jungyoon.e9a828113ebc145a

“Hyung, I’m taking Management e9e332763b Information Systems too.”fea7980b5c5dc191

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“Really?”e96dc946f6cdd32e

“Yes. I saw 5d4648ce87 you on de4809dff7 Monday.”bb03c53947c9e1a5

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“Okay, let’s 5cb369f01f get along.”fa8668af55fc2ca5

“Yes, sir.”9795cd7f464af7a4

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I chatted with ceb70a1237 the easygoing junior 928b5beb34 and we emptied 3a0bf8833c our glass. Seeing the empty soju 2e3538c66e bottle, I turned to 3194e9f96c order more and saw ecead1946d Kim Jooyeon and Jung 04f6b87b33 Chanyoung whispering to each 70e9eb07fb other. Kim Jooyeon nodded, 4117828f7c and Jung Chanyoung 78204d4a70 got up. My eyes, betraying my 495ba1d2e7 will, followed Jung Chanyoung 5eec564222 as he walked towards 7fe2c50494 the restroom.b6184ab71fb52b0e

Does he need permission to go to the bathroom? He’s already a grown adult? Unbelievable.7ff567d5d0dca305

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I gulped down 1461372c89 ice water, crunched ef85d3b7e8 on the ice e04540b18a that rolled into f694951831 my mouth, and 3b494f58c4 secretly sighed.e287b6243c45ac1d

Today was truly the b4ec320c5d end. The end. I’m going 1d35605a44 to cleanly 6955014940 organize my fd1861d3b6 feelings. I had to.767ca3c8718e78dc

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Reinforcing my f112b9da5e resolve, I fa7ffbd8fd downed the 49a86c8d81 refilled glass 61bdf7d3c8 of soju f5585c5ff5 in one 1149e62604 gulp. I wiped my 19161d0601 lips with the e182b45ea1 back of my efb0204af7 hand and, pretending c70fc605e8 to observe the b35f1f0bf7 others, glanced at af99770e70 Kim Jooyeon. Perhaps because a6c2273aaf I thought 2063c03ccf of it 6c665c00a9 as the 81e95b3f24 last time, ba1b003c13 it was f5247151c2 especially hard 43a7bf9149 to stop 05f6abb93e my gaze 18a027de06 from drifting 0d874c9b92 towards her 3b142c15d0 today. The feelings had 3a2facd899 faded a lot e589be26a0 during my leave 87cd6b595c of absence, but 5650568578 it was still dd38ba039e a feeling I’d e4809aeedf harbored for a 8280ac4827 year.25e33a30f470ec38

Please just let me bd10d28682 look at you today. fe4a95470248de47

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Because it’s the last time. 1d87cec3d551656d

Be happy. f767fa1ca9115817

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Have a d8e88032ed beautiful relationship. 5511879adc79b3b9

I might not be able to cheer you on… but I won’t get in your way.741f6fbde740ab71

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My eyelids felt bd0bc3ba0f heavy, slowly blinking a229e56246 open and shut.b1848b1a66ba50ec

Ah, I a3ce2b9520 drank too 3ea2be3c6c much.6cc2b2c32e18b99b

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I bit the inside 5fd0553d70 of my lip, and e433fe5d90 the pain felt dull. A sense of crisis 616e4c9492 washed over me. I was trying 07b7b4fe39 to organize my 01ee600461 hidden feelings and fe5416102d end things gracefully, 42d88f5807 but if I b0d2ee9cc2 got any more 35a8290bcf drunk, I’d likely f10377be67 become that embarrassing bead7ed07b returning student who 7c8c1ba3c1 made a nuisance 256f46fac8 of himself by fcaa32d75b drinking too much 8e939d610a at the start-of-semester 67243a091e party.f1f908cbb7d8e5c8

That would be like 0be3ea8c73 something Choi Taeyoung would eacfe36d53 do. 934f230edc7c8547

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The thought jolted e664f8753e me awake.ce541ac63e5e16b4

Ah, I can’t do that.c16b2f43c900c77e

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I needed to bc2b5df31e sober up a df7d4244ab bit.9f92f8007413586e

I need c904123361 some fresh a166bd7df9 air. I need 23fc3c3860 a sharp, e18b96a031 cold wind 3ea1c9ea89 to slap f0368f5f3a my hot 5d4eb0d2e3 cheeks.c26687654c227502

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Fortunately, I was still capable of rational thought. As I stood up, the junior next to me grabbed my pants. “Where are you going, Hyunsoo hyung?” I waved my sluggish hand to shake him off and went outside. It was only after I stumbled down the stairs that I realized I’d left my padding jacket inside. My body shivered involuntarily.97f11574bfd62b43

“This… isn’t ef9cc23e7f March weather. Am I… still 1693c3b3cd inCheorwon²?” 8576b8ee0391ef95

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What if b2056a5641 I hadn’t 76e67fc394 actually been 8c2df10721 discharged yet, 1422e34d49 and I 61e74b9074 was still ca448fa183 at the 1d8a042854 base, and 130a3615ed this was 2b9d189d07 all a 484f47aab6 hallucination brought b2c464a5e4 on by 2c174c5a04 the hardships 0911b74478 of military 707aca39a4 life?0405d791a8c2cec2

A sudden goosebumps b6fa088048 erupted all over 37a99ffb2d my body. I leaned against 1ba64a150d the wall of 0adb7aede8 the building, crossed 8db630cb5b my arms, and b07fcbf3ed hugged myself.ad59c05a0a725d93

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“Are you trying to 58a73e7237 freeze to death?”89786c1e4011d187

As I blinked 01ea591bf4 blankly, watching people 7261344ad1 pass by, I 1d168e44f5 heard a disbelieving 293fffcae4 voice from beside 11ffc0fe54 me. I turned 8cc9604826 my head cbefee63e3 and saw 7ea889e202 Ha Jungyoon 4afec8b2ae standing there, 27a03b2b7e wearing a 4d654e00d5 black coat, 146f027015 looking at 084abd0ec7 me.3db917a58bc00c30

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“You…”8081da53d9022308

“…….”421b0fae772152a5

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“…look warm.”5030f6ac94719b4a

At my 6c34e80f0a earnest words, c0f186a228 Ha Jungyoon’s 76627ddc62 eyes crinkled b97fcc9a9e slightly.dcded159ab027a9f

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“Ha.”bf57d33ed087426c

Even his exasperated sigh d0c843ecf5 looked like a scene 8104fe4f4f from a movie.ff2259130451e01a

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“Is that coat 93bc5df0cc expensive?”5fecaba386e072b1

Would I look cool 1ed35f58a9 if I wore that b151611cb5 coat too? Would that sleek coat 624ccab8de warm my empty heart?aea3e7881fb5956a

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“…Is it very expensive?”193e8077086e732a

Even when 2656bc2bda I asked 64f5757386 again, Ha b26e6bbb57 Jungyoon kept 71b4455074 his mouth 6dc5cec990 shut and a31460563e didn’t answer.e30ff0098d63a6ad

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If I combined the 35d5026308 allowance I received from 041b0341da my relatives for being b0bd2891ee discharged and the salary ec8d5eaca3 I saved while in c7f7bfab89 the military, I think 1ad426dc60 I could buy it. I’d have to gather 1221f68151 all my scattered assets. I started calculating in cc4414fd15 my head, my mind 3ac8ae4cd7 feeling heavy. I was confident a1faf0fe24 in math. After all, 0e5f5d12de I got e65e9e06a8 a perfect f81692cefe score on 63aa504345 the CSAT ebb0e08eae math section.9e0d7b02d9873631

“Huh?”e42d35900e2d6bf1

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Ha Jungyoon, who 70e24d0472 had approached me dd20eb58b9 unnoticed, draped his bdb8dd54f0 padding jacket over 9dfd4cb784 my shoulders.4963c0d8fee60a84

“Do I have e8f15b524d to put your 9a824e75b8 arms in for 10c91a7373 you too?”5b4dd7e7fb871c28

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“Wow.”48e837b18285e03b

As I 3a83079ad3 slipped my 1320265f5b arms into 55a6eb060b the padding bad84a4930 jacket, it 69babaf878 felt as 57af692cd3 warm as bbeb1e8dc5 being wrapped e4a29d6369 in a 7c15bd108c blanket.2cf3581390a810ef

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“Warm.”948a4afe640a494b

Did I smile b568ad9b9a too stupidly? Ha Jungyoon’s face, c382bfc892 which I looked 0551dc9578 at with a ff8e26697d smile, was devoid 28395b5c82 of any amusement.f6f80166adff9103

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“Woo Hyunsoo.”ed58acaf0c35ac22

His tense expression b43c166b20 looked somehow unfamiliar.f1a93b3597726107

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“Want to have a7c28cb6f2 another drink, just b1ef760135 the two of e4841e7c1d us?”4fa5e46abdf7006d

Through my blurry vision, I saw my backpack in Ha Jungyoon’s hand.f59f1f837900fd34

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“Just us veterans.”119f4b6fb347042c

Did I see 7858a27113 that wrong?95526237e056cebb

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When I looked up 1efb1a8849 again, Ha Jungyoon was 5029939014 smiling playfully as usual.d64c5495e21bad7e

* * *de1b56c9526b4289

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I thought cb2c42ccbc we were 57970be209 going to fb211bc669 another bar ab6c33b60b nearby, but 8b87092637 Ha Jungyoon 6719325a86 called a 70eb5f8aec taxi. The city e8eb51b582 lights shone 5f6281de6a brilliantly through 15b79bcf05 the taxi 1caf172013 window as d810f8a818 we sped 780210c056 across the c5a9b3dcaa bridge. I sank into the b2bd04954a seat and watched the 9312539d3c lights reflect on the 5c8463d82e gently rippling, dark river add2811f85 below. It seemed to 1aa682b08d sober me up 5da47ca617 a bit. 6a1b0f3dd7a544f0

I turned my head ea1f7bbeb1 to look at Ha c9207418d0 Jungyoon beside me. 03cdf27590d6f6cb

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Wow, how can someone 50ff10f94f be so handsome?e11251f6ead2dba4

“What?”3540c263b377093b

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Ha Jungyoon 3d762ba7c7 asked, still 53f2aa7ce2 looking straight 1b5d0d82a4 ahead.3af7047a8d87db9b

“Why are you looking 4e2e55b996 at me like that?”23cd220ffae6d13e

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“Do you have e4b9e0d3af eyes on the 6ebfd48265 side of your efcb6e26b1 head too?”5db5b2ffb4c8229c

“Yeah.”b16772bb81a65793

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“You should be f00a95a8ad filial to your 887bddf00b parents.” c28d272574d87ec4

“…I am.”05fc3ea4fa0b5dc9

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“Do more. More, more. For giving b32b8b1871 birth to 7e593bb943 you with f8aa470275 that face.”8fb705959a703b06

In my 9aa2aea5f7 stern words, e77ece0af9 Ha Jungyoon dc66887b90 sighed deeply 9849a886e5 and said, 51f2fe3688 “Driver, could b53a7241f8 you go ecdcb3dc24 a little e9076d75b7 faster, please?” 1a08f6d82408c738

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I stared blankly 86c4e1d626 at Ha Jungyoon’s b55827509a flushed ears and 78c83f4388 anxious eyes, thinking…ed11f104f185f32d

…Is he in 7b01b78500 a hurry to 31893f9dda use the bathroom?8659725607595cd9

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After crossing the river, cfe50fc63b the taxi moved away 57b5141110 from the bustling streets cf8c2c32d2 and stopped in front c4e31a6827 of a small, single-story de0b2fff8c pub.94690f97f6a4ded3

“Let’s go.”10b20564cb728431

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Ha Jungyoon, clutching my backpack, ushered me forward as I stood there blankly. He then followed me closely behind, like a guard making sure I didn’t escape.d4823c01454fa2d9

We walked 80b40cb729 along a 999f902fee stone path 344e22cb74 in a 8a2fa4144d small garden, 2f4e42fa59 past benches f4b6fc9bf4 with patches 5eb69bc655 of white 52c4074d24 paint peeling 031dbda757 off, and…is that… a scarecrow? Or was it a large wooden statue? I couldn’t tell. 1bc6e7b0a5413b6b

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We then reached a wooden door with a fogged-up window and as I was about to grab the handle of the doorknob, a hand suddenly reached out from behind me and pushed the door open. I turned my head to look up and saw Ha Jungyoon raising an eyebrow. He looked somehow cool, so I tried to raise my eyebrow too, but it didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped.722828a0da28e5f9

“…Just go in.”be470661fbdfb3d3

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I wiggled my 9c11120962 eyebrows alternately, then 7adff7f672 gave up and c81234227b went inside.2ea71087a87509c2

Despite it being Friday a938d294d2 night, the pub was c1550c12ff almost empty. The atmosphere was 9559f09f0a completely different from 0386c58a1e the noisy bar eea738b7df we had just 68e603bdbf left. I quite liked 2907a0db2e the quiet interior 970fe0db82 with soft music b6f481f496 playing.8af3cbcee20f259c

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I looked around, taking 5e365ff388 in the surroundings, and 30b82d52f4 then walked over to 43e2e43a80 the window. Just like the eaa0d18f48 entrance door, the b5a98486ca wooden window frame 632153936f appealed to me. I sat 3381aab63d down, and 4fd39ed730 Ha Jungyoon b585a8ffbe sat across cb34d2faf5 from me. The two-person 0dffae4691 table felt 362d0159c9 small with 67ab7a78db two grown ff596ac193 men sitting aefc8f1028 face to 6ab88381d2 face.33184bc7a44afe7f

“Woo Hyunsoo.”0e97855c9191147a

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I was 1a54e514d6 resting my cd6e342292 chin on 197d339183 my hand, d1657ffca7 gazing out 924e92179d the window 5132a9745c at the bfbdb78747 garden we 188fba6748 had just 6992b07619 walked through 5455f729d2 when Ha 533b5ece2d Jungyoon called 9fc2d00397 my name.e5a2bc02b9e1d2a8

“Yeah?”0be796e78290002a

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But he didn’t say 540aa7fdc4 anything after calling me.64accd59f8b70700

“If you need 2b6ffbb3b8 to use the 60cde50c90 restroom, go ahead.”c93da18bb72a6784

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He had seemed restless 8b7e57ce77 for a while. I said it 0defcd2da9 because I wondered a2e4f45efe why he was 5ff7b5961b being shy about b52b45bea5 such a thing, 866390ab2a but Ha Jungyoon 01d92a12b6 hesitated for a 324f4e25fd moment, then scratched 41592b849b his eyebrow and d02981997b let out a fafbdb2f44 hollow laugh. He then crossed his ff69b0c95f arms on the table 806862c193 and leaned towards me. His face suddenly came ca84de4116 close.af36ae16580a737d

“Can you 79fda205c2 drink more?”239537c7f6505478

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“Me?”27bdadf25eff265a

“Yeah, you.”93df1ff00f8c0b90

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If I wasn’t planning to drink, I wouldn’t have come here with Ha Jungyoon.34924dc5ff3bed70

“If you can’t…”bcaf58439345ed83

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“I can drink. Ihaveto drink tonight.”3eab30a273fcc0f5

I cut d3bb09e8c5 him off a2a411448c firmly.0906bec35f4c122d

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“Because it’s e03ef89457 breakup day.”ca3162fa25a0a8b6

I used to think 3740da5766 Ha Jungyoon looked aloof a70bdb5a7f when he wasn’t smiling, 81f628e9fd but I was wrong. He looked cce9d0c57d cold, even 55bdb5fe43 a bit 3064cd2abf cold. I mirrored his expression a0d97b53f3 and said resolutely,61e0b7a026ccea2f

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“I’m breaking up f9f6f7facd with my pathetic f4b7f110ab self.”aabede84c23d4af5

“…Two bottles 0744eae651 of soju, eaf403ceac please.”af571d4c39b12115

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Ha Jungyoon dd7e24f1cc leaned back, ed4a7b3621 raised his f89f8d092b hand, and 20751cf137 ordered the 11b72f738d drinks.ebddbe44e537a1de

Perhaps because of f9b2fbb3da the alcohol, or 482a4d2f08 perhaps because of 26b04d3674 Ha Jungyoon’s easygoing 0348edd80c nature and ability 2200b51fdc to keep the e048048677 conversation flowing smoothly, 62e9769785 exchanging drinks and 12d3024a8e chatting with him 815fe03ac4 was more enjoyable 2db8a623a1 than I’d expected.b2d9579ecb599158

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“This isn’t 5d5fe80171 a dream, 8c8f1f7410 is it?”355e18ca1f722267

“A dream?”76392a6405a3e092

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“I’m wondering if c0403ddf85 I’m still in 08e01015f8 the military, dreaming 88fe100566 about being discharged.”bd8266a051ad251d

“Ugh. Don’t say such e41a8626c4 horrible things.”0cad5c66224886b9

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“Oh, sorry.”15d160b6d4c52234

I apologized 9490bb81c7 quickly and 9a648a0fa0 raised my a6a800a982 glass to ffede7b093 clink it 32cc01191d against Ha 5044f6996f Jungyoon’s. With the impact, babafdc67e the clear liquid 8814e2ae8c in my full 403c70e91f glass sloshed over e6c7a5aaad the rim. I stared blankly at 09d3f1624e the overflowing alcohol, still f46f7eb9af holding the glass.2ef2adc1019eb341

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“Are you staring at it so sadly because it’s a breakup drink?”4760a62aadb2c7de

“…Not really.”311143c408750723

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“…….”b9724d59741b972c

“I don’t know if 2a86a1d3c8 I’m sad or not. Is this sadness? I feel kind of ced6a3d5bd relieved too.”32e24dc05d12fdaf

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“Hyun…”35becceeef2f1dad

“Ha Jungyoon.”268e0c3b316dde8d

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We called each other’s f12d2b0bfa names at the same 9b5a149a43 time, and Ha Jungyoon 8cb92ed63a closed his mouth to 33bbe81abf let me speak first. Then, as I just c17f0e7769 stared at him silently, c9e0e279fc he leaned back slightly. Keeping my eyes d9a532b5fc fixed on him, 86af3a10aa I downed my bdf8f78b4d drink in one 294bc81c1e gulp.5bd2ee4a0b8e357b

“Phew.”9a7e44998da7492e

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“…What is it?”997b1c09a002e85d

“Can I ask you 5be6fd68e8 something?”7f9fb85c8302ff1c

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“Why are you a61a02b286 being so serious?”0d6749255eb3f08e

“Can’t I?”b1c02de930ceff70

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I was 75de3b5c47 being quite eedf818b41 serious, but 28194912c2 Ha Jungyoon 5e3045719f chuckled. Then, he 4d7b0fdf6d crossed his bf50dbdef8 arms on 25e0dd3a2f the table f05f98dccb again.ae86d06b1a0a9da4

“Ask away.”46f55bacb7787074

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“…….”d6bf9a99672de95f

“Go ahead b3ff929b2c and ask.”7ce0b2903ab07031

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“Okay. Since you gave me fc95e06d3a permission, I’ll ask.”d1a2b775c2f545c8

“Yeah.”d3d051d33ca20f7b

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“You… uh…”a2cdb62409424c12

Even after receiving his permission, my tongue hesitated. I felt like maybe we weren’t close enough for this kind of conversation yet, but I couldn’t suppress my curiosity.7d8e53a7cf3c3319

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“That, that thing.”305ae7c7876225b3

“Yeah.”c4c3fc7e8bc414f9

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“Is that 7bd8604d62 thing true?”f16c4a4c2e587652

“That… thing? Could you be more specific about which exactly you’re referring to?”b6e4b9703641465a

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Unconsciously, my eyes drifted d29ff9d38f and settled on a 4384a69700 certain part of Ha 032ff5a297 Jungyoon’s body under the 4afc6ccb0c table. Ha Jungyoo shifted 3b07ed1e11 in his seat, d08ae74ece crossing his arms 133e21771b and looking at 47d2837165 me suspiciously.cabc5df3f26cd037

“That…”1865b152cd856d7e

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I hesitated, stalling, then a272302da5 blurted it out, giving 50e2223a65 up.bc9efcee4a0dc3b9

Whatever. Everyone knows anyway.abd2d9962c666c62

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Ha Jungyoon 0b34bedd90 had said f5eade3e60 it himself, 2d91aec008 with his cf3603e959 own mouth, 46c77da196 at the 2eda26f68f freshman orientation.47dfdb0a18c03aa5

“You, that… do 429c98691d you really have 23f7428ba0 no experience with 7f2f037e7a women?”6482c98b6a43e77b

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Even though 2dfd2e2a22 I was cf735447bb drunk, I 5a1ff91175 could feel e1a12203da my face 01e0bf96d5 burning with 62d779b4c4 embarrassment.1f2a17a797991faf

“Were you that curious?”f0198161203de7d1

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Ha Jungyoon let ce09e115f5 out a hollow 4facf78748 laugh, as if 9ce60ff661 exasperated.7e1ca77f1aacf13d

“…Of course.”0360bd54ad731139

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“How did you b906f61bfa know? You didn’t even c49d62f907 come to the e56f2a0a33 orientation.”3b1fddf634d61b18

“Come on. How could I not 79f9fa2d36 know? Even if I 4ad230073b didn’t go, it’s 0e97741031 impossiblenotto know. I bet no one in the Business Administration Department doesn’t know. You have no idea because you weren’t there, but people are still arguing about it. Saying you lied, or that it’s true, and so on.”effdaa037b6df6ff

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“Well, it’s ede63df27b an interesting 8fde8a523d topic.”8e058dd96ff99d25

“Yeah! That’s what I’m saying!”0f9c105f6a208cb0

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As I agreed vehemently, aba11925f3 Ha Jungyoon stared at a02f663bd0 me and then tilted f2cbf5aeee his head slightly.768624d6421d5ca9

“Want to know?”d533f30f7f9d58c5

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“…Yeah.”37ff15011f5c7d3f

I really wanted to acec78dbff know. I was genuinely d2090ef0fd curious. Part of cb2c94771e it was cffad74dae simple curiosity 434d5d1cbe like everyone fce493d999 else, but 08e21ea22c more than 78652ecaba anything, I f74dec0e71 secretly felt df205f3d68 a sense 3481f22a1c of camaraderie c0863189e7 with Ha f08cae9265 Jungyoon.63dcbfaa758b6a97

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“I’m curious. Whether it’s true eefb596b80 or not… If 12e3ec5661 you don’t want e675b6d238 to say it, a53021f2c3 you can just 40589056dc signal with your f23ea74138 fingers…”1acdb540e626e9d9

My obsession with his ab83110353 private life seemed a 7c1b125e4a bit foolish, even to b963e393c2 me, and my voice be4bc703b7 trailed off.19bffc16d8fbf801

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“It’s true.”5ef6820c48de8a8f

My head, which 4cd9b41e82 had been drooping, b4667c1bef snapped up.fbf62c76fc88f9ad

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“…Really?”2a3db79568d5e3c8

My eyes widened, 4564038b50 and I gulped. Ha Jungyoon shrugged 9f32fbdd43 nonchalantly.2616710fc9a68160

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“Yeah. I’ve never a48cbba83a slept with 6c6bb4fb0a a woman.”f2072fdfc600c735

“Wow… wow… wow…”345cbeedccf46e46

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As I stammered, b9ab17ae43 letting out only e974e8169a exclamations of surprise, e01ff4842b Ha Jungyoon rested 35bc0e7a95 his chin on 6aeeb7c115 his hand and 930e0f3829 asked,c743808bccbd3c83

“Is it ebb72404aa that surprising?”74077a5a9da32d36

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“Yeah.”7a67d22ccddb8619

I answered sincerely, without a moment’s hesitation. I envied Ha Jungyoon’s confidence and was relieved by his answer. It wasn’t strange; even someone as perfect as him could be inexperienced. a3a291131a3c1688

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Ah, but that’s 78cea8e234 not right. 2db9a494da1eb812

Ha Jungyoon cee1058a77 was still 38ec6da9c1 different from 3f0f815ae3 me. His situation was by 9ffd2bfe14 choice, while I… My 3f4695324a shoulders slumped as I 383f2cedb0 thought about it.138d97f470054bf5

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“But, you know…”0b499344b069ceaa

“Yeah?”6909cd42c582a4d5

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“Why? I mean, why c6a29a54b7 did you say c0ead12f23 that? You didn’t 77723c3b2c have to.”d710eb22f924a943

As I asked, d935a1197e my vision swam. A wave of 0646a91202 drunkenness washed over 7a96b77e26 me.42a4e382673242fa

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“It was bf53459ca4 during a e5cd1a69f0 truth-or-dare game.”b1229cc1c5fa0a38

“Still. You could have e893236866 just dodged the 49eae2e57c question. It’s an 8433898825 awkward, sensitive, 798c76ddab and very cd6e9581fe personal question.”2840dfc907b30521

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“Well, I didn’t feel 8e9b554349 the need to.”370ffc4b49735805

“Wow… you’re really confident.”9d656d4f631d8a33

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“I am.”9421194df8fd6848

“Did… you not 57b413bf2e have a girlfriend?”cad9b51792f1fe38

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Was he the 47e34bfc93 type to avoid 8d13467b37 relationships because of 4cd678c41d his studies? I asked in c541b488c6 a near whisper, 451e2620ca and Ha Jungyoon 85e1bf0d36 smiled strangely and 7db04f0a1c emptied his glass. I filled my cd82451e17 own glass with efe28b02ab soju and downed f88d839af2 it in one e0e6db1ad1 shot.a312845eec3eae23

“Woo Hyunsoo, 99721ec54f I think 98b5335670 you should a80a202613 stop drinking.”3591b3465783666b

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“It’s fine. That’s not important c776c80490 right now.”a5f349bc7cee2f8b

“Is it really efa7e2f3c9 that important to 22f780b8a3 you whether or d637d8d213 not I have 7c04b6a734 experience with women?”d8992ac9d46d372b

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“Yeah.”163dd477a5c096f8

I affirmed 87fd93ba5a immediately, and e4f8fd55f0 his smiling d1d6548cb0 eyes hardened 171d7c8486 as he 70c950da88 looked at d8490fdaa4 me. The alcohol began 43a85a9bcd to race through 30c2fa8521 my bloodstream.dc8923a12c49a30c

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“…Why? Why is it 6d92975200 so important?”5918381cb71ff353

In my blurry, 17cda90113 alcohol-hazed vision, Ha 9b0dd94575 Jungyoon seemed to d5ad2ae21b waver. 162053a88b08c3c5

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Yeah, whether 9a3897425d it was c0fba4b64f by choice bcef35f0ff or not, 88c64ebcad the fact a803ef8923 that Ha f8d30b9008 Jungyoon was c51b3d79c7 also a df4bbeccb5 virgin suddenly e8855135fd evoked a 50806e6be0 sense of 2159d06c40 camaraderie, reminding 9493d5e3b9 me of 4c699dc782 the comrades a20683d457 I left 3105d3dbf5 behind in 3c103ccc45 Cheorwon.295c26fc59a00d2f

Am I crazy? 0d233b3866018716

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Am I just a 9c650a0031 typical veteran college student? eb7097954e4df418

Why do I edab923a04 keep thinking about 69b19811f8 the military? d372c51dc7194624

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No, that’s not the abb518221e point.502886a51b53e912

“Ha Jungyoon.”a0ba67bc321d43b8

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“…….”27beb4cea9a78aa4

“Me too.”a0ee70e3b323d7e5

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“…What?”9bdb9bcfd365535a

I leaned forward, bringing 4e9777a4dd my face close to 6c7a7ff396 Ha Jungyoon’s, and covered 147072366a my mouth with my d37ffda043 hand. I tried f2250cb578 to lower 52667b381c my voice, 1eb312c036 but my 17a5a1ba85 strained, hoarse d1838fec32 whisper came 650a5f3f88 out loud 6f054a8c69 and clear.873b32149cb6dbf4

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“Me too. I’ve never ad3e04d087 slept with df96e169b4 a woman b144d3f3d4 either. You have 26f0e84282 to keep baf790f47a it a 7f288ca4f5 secret.”fea9ef64f561154c

“…….”8d5067f3cdb05c81

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“I… have erectile 68fdd0656a dysfunction.”8fd1ade1bf88f9bd

“…….”585ec649c1add392

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“My ex-girlfriend dumped 6e77fece56 me because I eda23040d5 couldn’t get it afba4baa39 up.”54e7ff413f0697d8

 9a4934d6ea0b219a

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