LCEH Ch 3

“Are you out of your mind? You’re determined to kill my child! I knew this would happen. I knew it! You devilish bastard who doesn’t even appreciate the grace that raised you! You should never have been born!”70ad3218e710c0c5

I could endure my mother and father treating me coldly. It wasn’t my fault, but my existence was akin to a sin. But my younger brother shouldn’t have done that. I owed my brother no debt, nor had I sinned against him.69e24869cd3bc87c

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—I was too young back then, I didn’t know things would turn out that way, brother.58938559ee55440b

At the 334d57f870 irresponsible excuse, 5a568ced47 my vision 09514c5cca turned into 6007cf295a a television 15f166d5ed with a 2092cc8697 lost signal. I closed 269b3a0dd1 my eyes, 6014292ae6 dizzy.0e0005fb1e0528b9

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—I regret it too. I know it’s hard to forgive me right away. But brother, can’t you at least give me a chance? On my birthday, please…658d8d1d5e5932dc

“Don’t you think it’s too late?”6b0b27521b9719d4

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After he 14a656cd24 even robbed fc7723dd91 me of 353baf74a8 the pretense 6fa6dbdbe8 of a e5b502b169 family.a94758922094549c

“If you’re sorry, then don’t ever contact me again.”7dd3fa7ca716db6f

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Unable to overcome my anger, I threw my phone. Whenever I realize I’m alone, phantoms and auditory hallucinations invariably find me. The displeased expression of my mother and the sound of her clicking her tongue.d8c1403835e33ec0

‘…’297ec8ffb66dc872

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But this time, I couldn’t hear a thing. The man’s two hands were covering my ears. The man, who had approached me at some point, pulled my head into his embrace.14004b9ffc23eef8

“Don’t cry.”b6049758358f9a0a

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I wasn’t crying, but I didn’t deny it and simply leaned my head against the man’s body. It wasn’t enough. I needed a slightly deeper consolation.5fb982db99ade277

“Not something like this…”cb974f54af5fc705

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I pulled my face away from the man’s body and lifted my head. A faint warmth permeated the man’s gaze. Even though it was a look I was seeing from him for the first time, I felt a very slight, inexplicable sense of déjà vu.a0a227f3e32eebb8

“Kiss me.”e123013a657420c1

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The man, who had e9bf1a960f promised to obey my 009d5f301d words, silently lowered his 049c1a25b6 lips. Unlike when 0a3bedccad I had d42ce10c10 tried to 335d5db18d steal a 9f67db9a49 kiss on 99b5c979b9 my own, 85e1cf6aa0 the man 4ae6612225 skillfully parted f6fbf2ede3 my lips d7ee3f9b0f and entwined 21f2a28fc9 our tongues. Clinging to the man, 1060c684aa I suddenly realized.66aba9dd877d78df

That the man’s kiss was similar to my dead lover’s kiss.f3f957ee14b31b8b

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∞ ∞ ∞8371ec47fbb35203

Red water, like rusty water, poured out from the hose connected to the washing machine. I don’t know if what I put in the washing machine was a blood-stained towel or my lover’s corpse. Even after washing them three times, I pressed the towels, which still had faint brown stains, firmly into a garbage bag.f8844d8651dd3f37

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To live with dbb75fa23a the man, rules a4ead6c591 were necessary. In the living c0e12335f7 room, which was b58ec1fa28 empty without a 967122fd32 sofa, I sat 26d0fbb9e4 next to the 24e7756238 man who was 5786066db2 watching television and 54d75d1944 made a few e1be0cef93 requests.e758b8d84f2204a3

Do not go out 5d46bbe0c7 alone. Do not open the dd7122f858 door for anyone. And.725d0ac203a8f278

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“You must not eat anything other than what I permit.”e1c6adbc12736b10

I thought he would at least ask why, but the man lowered his eyes as if thinking about something for a moment, then nodded his head like a well-behaved child. The man’s brief hesitation made me anxious, so I re-emphasized in a firm tone.98ab9cabb3eaf5c6

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“Absolutely not. Eating people is a crime. So… it’s a bad thing. Do you really understand?”85bd67201775f4a7

“I won’t eat.”bfa730858ac3967b

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This time, the answer came without a hint of hesitation. While I was contemplating what else I should teach him, the man’s gaze returned to the television that was on. At the familiar narration, my gaze also turned to the television.c8be66b8c56c32bf

『Some insects 11404809ab are known 55cf32664c as predators 3059ad74a8 that cannibalize 703b5036a5 their own 7fd9939cb7 kind. Praying mantises c04bfd5073 and spiders, bb085eab09 in particular, cdb316edf3 often eat 909aedc37b their partners 5649f900b8 not only 42926be5f2 after mating 0f23bd383a but also 2be64f4586 during the aae093e38b act.』40e1ae4e8bc9e08a

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A female praying mantis, shown in a large close-up on the television screen, was eating the head of the male during mating. Even while being devoured by the sharp, multi-pronged mouth, the male’s mating continued. The female moved her thin antennae here and there, steadily using the male as nourishment for reproduction. The unfocused eyes on her inverted triangular head were terribly heartless.6c6ccd3cf76aa91c

The man was staring intently at the utterly repulsive scene, whether it was the male, crazed with reproduction and unaware of his own death, or the female, devouring her mating partner. Whatever the man’s true identity was, as long as he had a human form, the place he had to live was society, not nature. Thinking it would have a negative influence on the man in many ways, I quickly called him.b319468c0a30b366

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“Nabi.”ad3f1486df0cd2dc

Even though 3cebb463d4 it was 2e6289d8c5 the first 56d361a65b time I a2de6e5355 called him 942cffab2c that, he 805baa2ed9 recognized it 18bcb3ef87 at once c5834bac76 and looked a8aba4aa06 at me 8fd776875b as promised. Seeing his submissive eyes, 4400515eb4 unmixed with impurities like 7343ecf4c7 dissatisfaction or inferiority, a 60228880c5 thrill shot down my 5e44ec3222 spine.8173103f1cf9aa6d

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“We were talking. You should be looking at me.”c7de407ff1de5886

Having said 6942dd780d it myself, d576eb0211 I was 2d46104cb6 startled. Though packaged in a 40b6284b67 gentle tone, it was a430df6e0b a command. Do I want 4fa1ae2f8c to tame this 706e620992 man?a46a1a87f9da35a7

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No, that’s not right. I corrected my thoughts. For the man’s sake, I had to tame him.aea8b5ff877b3a7d

“Stop watching television, want to go outside for a bit? You must have felt cooped up staying inside all this time.”c76a3163697a3a63

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An impulsive e45ddc2e2c decision was 2bae7dc85c made. I needed d180ff85be to confirm 8ef225a264 whether the 693f2710d0 man could a74a569e7c follow my f4e874493b words and f41252f21e blend in a5996495ac with people d7962a686a normally. This time too, the 5f4c434692 man nodded his head 0a4911505a without any hesitation or 02355b885a suspicion.ab3a93fee535f97e

I took clothes from my lover’s closet and dressed the man in them. The man, clad in clothes that fit well, was so beautiful that I wanted to overlook any minor flaws he might have. I sincerely hoped he would appear that way in other people’s eyes as well.1f4d9f56c867a71f

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After simply preparing to go out, as we were about to leave, I found a delivery box rolling around in the corner of the entryway. It was an item I no longer needed. I tore the shipping label that read ‘Infant’s Pure Cotton Bib’ to shreds and threw it away outside the apartment complex.8ef6690dfbf71fc4

It was my first outing with the man. It wasn’t that I had set out without any plan. I took the man, who was quietly walking beside me, on a walk around the apartment complex, telling him what was in the vicinity. The man, who had been listening silently the whole time, turned toward the mart naturally when I suggested we stop by, so I stopped explaining.653c029cc0ad7847

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What we immediately needed cc1b28f3f7 were new towels and 4ca51875e6 underwear for the man 8652915ae1 to wear, so instead 7375c1394c of a cart, I 97f2251f13 picked up one of 021b3ecf44 the provided shopping baskets. The man suddenly bf5654d883 held out his e06ce4fd64 hand.c5ec4b0581e950d7

“Give it here. I’ll carry it.”6d8c6b9d76517959

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Flustered by the unexpected 35f5ac5271 offer, I hesitated, and 23a3147f6b his large hand took f20fd96c36 the red basket. I awkwardly 382a8f2d35 clenched and a7da4457b1 unclenched my e6803f5b3b now-empty hand. Somewhere in my 2fa1e72501 stomach, an unscratched eab3cc4348 spot felt itchy.5bd291993001e259

As he d34b45292b navigated through b7a887b258 the people 05ec42556d quite skillfully, a0eab2f46a passing gazes b2ad395bf6 would occasionally 8887e0ff8d rest on f1a8241f49 the man. Most lingered for a 25619f99b9 moment, and even after a697bbb611 they fell away, they bc918d265f would stick back on 5af8a1144e him. I observed each and 3964e4b362 every one of those 6043528394 gazes. Eyes that were d6f89a31b1 admiring his uncommon c22ab0084a appearance or showing d1f041918d curiosity. After confirming 626ab44179 that there 1c14574d74 was no b4fd002ab6 wariness or 205d41effa fear among 66aaf1808b them, I b5474d1d70 was finally 79ef98ed66 relieved. The man, too, was 2b7d7c8f8e uninterested in the blatant 988b0ea398 stares directed at him.bbbfb1224d38ae33

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The man quietly followed me around, and whenever I picked an item, he would present the shopping basket as if he had been waiting. When I said, “Thank you,” he would smile, pulling up the corners of his mouth with a gentle face.9dfa191e6733a105

Who would suspect fbb3afdc75 a man like 0140bd3c13 this? I gained the confidence 45d72008ad that if I just 618264a004 taught him well, I 1710910817 could make him live 244d14d272 like a completely normal 656a2e2f6f person.44b046759ea642ec

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Lastly, as we passed by the butcher’s corner, I casually asked the man.b1125759e8700240

“What about meat?”ef0171b55f5720eb

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The man 0a5df0090a shakes his 1dc5ed08f4 head from 448b0c5e2f side to 5ee68f4b59 side.b0ce3a2d0ae98f6c

“I don’t need it.”25b2e5cb5fc86bfa

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At his cool reply, my heart grew heavy again. Because saying he didn’t need meat didn’t mean he didn’t have to eat.02fc1debae4aab60

“Right. Then you’ll need something else.”00b885894cf8004c

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With the man 360c9cfc14 following me like 506f3d5978 a tail, I 0893f4dbb6 entered the housewares 226791ea86 section, which was edb52e72da not in my f3c6dc7738 plan. At the very end 805769794f of the aisle, the e14ecc7ba5 items I was looking 13a91e51f1 for were stacked up. I picked da14fb4f0a up a 5e69a2a4e6 bundle of b5fe744041 transparent, durable ba91a4f8c4 plastic with 11376bcc2a a name 64ef23d210 tag that 2a055eafad read ‘Multipurpose b048fa6873 Large PE 647aa0b456 Vinyl Sheet,’ b39d795526 then paused ba3ed8fca3 to think. It seemed I 83fed96bf6 would need two. As I turned around a8ae459f61 with one tucked under a5e2c7f1a7 each arm, the man af93047903 asked with a childlike, a60dbc79da innocent face.18ab5f614a7223ad

“What’s that?”d8b7edf0261877bf

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Even though he seemed to know everything, it looked like there were still many things to teach the man. Brushing off the question with a smile, I gently pushed the man’s back.00b977cb6b29583f

“Let’s go home.”4d5e7d9871a5b8de

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The phrase ‘Let’s go home,’ which had slipped out inadvertently, had a warmer nuance than I could have imagined, and because the man smiled and nodded his head upon hearing it, I felt as if everything would turn out just fine.e530aaea45ccecda

After having grilled beef for dinner, which I was slowly getting tired of, I quickly emptied a can of beer. It was an effort to not be conscious of the changed man, but it wasn’t very effective.e6c77b2b1374a486

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Unable to even lie down on the bed, I paced around the room, waiting for several minutes for the man who had gone to wash up alone. The closed bedroom door opened and the man entered. Like a thief who had secretly entered someone else’s house, I was startled and looked back at the open door. But water was dripping from the man’s wet hair, soaking his t-shirt.567fcabda86af3a4

“Your hair…”d9f55ae8ba38dd52

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The man 6f6daac071 seemed to a2a9cbbb1e not know a266472174 what the 4d2567b3d0 problem was. It appeared he c9ab608ecb was still clumsy 022a192ad3 at drying himself. I pulled the 4a7603f7b9 man, who was f430766a48 standing blankly, and 584288c1dc had him sit b75bde01be on the edge 234357c4c7 of the bed.a0a9aa5510dfa708

“You’ll catch a cold. You have to dry it well.”927d839b8a07d3b4

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I wasn’t sure if a man who wasn’t even human could catch a cold, but since there was no one around to challenge me, I figured it didn’t matter. I brought a hairdryer and dried the man’s hair. Watching the man who was quietly entrusting his head to me, I suddenly realized that, aside from the fact that he could now talk, not much had changed from before. I felt ridiculous for being so tense for some reason.223431c5400d35b4

“There.”e02d1f70b08af268

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From his fully 71171196c1 dried hair, a 6dbd71369c slightly different scent 3769efa80c mixed with the 5074b30424 smell of the 421e33262b shampoo I use. The fragrant and b280a83cd3 pleasant smell relaxed 2e1edc7f0c my tension, and 98fb2c4264 the buzz from 47aa0ab861 the alcohol rose 2c915734fa pleasantly. The texture of his b7f85f59f6 hair flowing through my bae6a2f0b6 fingers felt good, and 64e8231bb2 after I combed through 918e369003 it with my hand 5485b4a035 a few times, the 4f7f96863e man lifted his head.ea5e707fbb092d0d

“Thank you.”32fd72f0f57930f3

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“For what, just for drying your hair…”3cb4ea4a262b8090

The man shook his head as if that wasn’t it.ec2b770aa740a6b7

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“For accepting me.”b210185979b89f2c

I hadn’t expected the man to say something like that. Unable to resist the impulse at the sight of his pretty, smiling face, I grabbed both of the man’s cheeks and pressed my lips against his. Even with a light kiss, where lips silently pressed against lips and then parted, my heart pounded. I was curious about the changed man’s reaction. But the man, without a hint of surprise, just looked up at me with the same face as before.abe20d8a6b5492e8

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Is it that he still doesn’t know how to express his desires, just like he doesn’t know the common sense of having to dry off after washing?3574af753b7343e8

Swallowing a regretful sigh, I carefully caressed the man’s white nape with my palm, observing his reaction.d1c37b4b7f70efe0

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“Does this… feel bad?”e618719674c50720

The man edd7affcee silently shook 783037bec0 his head. I fumbled bc0a732ecb around his 603987db39 prominent collarbone aa4ac8509a over his 06938065e9 cotton t-shirt, cc1cbd9415 then stealthily ebcceec986 moved my 675796a40a hand down c490be3e1a to his 88251486ec firm chest.d066bbca30f49621

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“How about… now?”e1633b50bde997eb

“It’s okay.”74b4dd4a8ff65b6d

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I took that as permission to do more. I slowly pushed his firm, broad shoulders, and the man, after resisting for a moment, leaned his upper body back as if he had understood my intention. Fumbling with the man’s waist, I placed one knee on the bed. Then, I asked the man who was leaning back at an angle.1b805c58fe2a095d

“Nabi. Shall we kiss?”5764dd63e4d9c0ee

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At my words, the man, who had nodded his head slightly, was the first to press his lips against mine, which had been a finger’s breadth apart. Our tongues and breaths naturally intertwined. I pushed my hand inside the man’s t-shirt and savored his smooth skin.a726fe20ff119a15

The distinctly male body, covered in elastic muscles wherever I gripped it, filled my grasp satisfyingly. However, the man only kissed and made no other movements. Feeling a sense of incongruity, I pulled my lips away, and he was just breathing quietly with a face like a child who doesn’t know what to do next. I glanced down; the front of the man’s cotton pants was bulging enough to seem erect, but as far as I knew, that was purely his pre-arousal size.a37d5db2d95b94e0

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“Haah…”ca3cb4843bdcf15d

Even my empty sigh was hot, but the man was either impotent or simply didn’t know how to get aroused at all. I leaned my forehead on the man’s shoulder in dismay. The harsh reality that I could only use this body as a mere cushion was disappointingly tearful. What could be the problem?f8568e3270bb300a

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“You said you were grateful to me.”ea3ff5c1c284339c

“…I am grateful.”06f4a5247d6a70f9

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There was one sure and only way to repay the favor, but I didn’t know where or how to start teaching him. He learned other things on his own without me telling him, so why on earth didn’t he know the most important thing. The man still had an innocent face. I cooled my head, tasting a mix of self-loathing and disappointment.920e401f5a6ddeaf

Am I 70b91bcb73 in any 0cf0e81c2d position to 0488bd4ed0 criticize the ab9da28fb0 male praying 7adb381fac mantis?6581efb365584918

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“Let’s just sleep.”7143f717893f6ca3

After composing myself by stroking the man’s hair, I turned off the light and lay down on the bed. The small rustling sound of the man turning towards me was particularly loud.fba2b5eb89c3dba5

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“Sleep well.”7abba66558a9df0c

In the darkness, the man’s pleasant voice and agreeable body scent tickled my senses. Drowsiness washed over me like a lie. Through my sinking consciousness, I heard the man murmuring.b756f580c34e2a09

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“Just wait a little longer.”57c09e0d9c6e9fd2

I fell asleep, d6b25f0c05 missing the end d9b1bfdee8 of his low 33e16fd23e whisper.bb18d94669c86536

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∞ ∞ ∞811d64f3f0025bdb

As the days went by, the man found it harder to be apart from me. He didn’t have many expressions to begin with, but before I left for work, in front of the door, he would always have a mournful face. They say people who live alone and have a dog suffer from guilt every morning, and that’s exactly how I felt right now.dfb743206620cf9b

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“You’ll come back early, right?”4ec21b52ed17f959

“I’ll be back by seven, no, six-thirty.”1669d4186ddaf7b8

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“Come back quickly. I’ll be waiting.”800cc2a63d078f08

Truthfully, I ef37b8f529 was no ad94037c06 different when 0f7bd97b6d it came b01b8b1dba to finding e1a97f17bc the time 02dec16ad2 apart difficult.04367246a50c7cd1

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“I’ll be back quickly, so don’t cause any trouble and be good.”e9f812bf366f6217

I pressed my lips firmly onto the sulking man’s forehead and then pulled away. Only after confirming his face brightened a little did I move my reluctant feet and leave the house.8b79ae8e8022607a

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Even when 14ce096eec I try 91d282a382 to hold 48bc86bb97 it back, 530dd5dd2e the corners d4f58682f5 of my 64c96d2cd5 mouth keep c2e713b442 turning up. I wonder if having f865f7d7ee someone waiting for me 8160605a8f at home was always 04f8f5e047 such a pleasant thing. While waiting for 8b3886ceea the slowly ascending b225354e9e elevator, the front e063766312 door of the c4f3441a45 next apartment opened.2396c1b7159e3da1

“Young man next door, heading to work?”d92feada189cd971

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“Yes. Hello.”225b45208e34d948

“Mhm.”a5cd1a33e5320ea1

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The old cf7e2c6050 woman who 72f5c127a9 received my 7b4983bcb8 bright greeting 9f84ba1715 smiles awkwardly. The old woman and 4418c7c246 I got on the ce2d143dcc elevator in turn. Inside the elevator with 7feecf0ee4 nowhere to run, the 12d67b9a7b old woman blatantly glanced 2ccd437ca4 at my face. I pretended 77c40ce7b3 not to aa36f1076a notice and 1c45d05b55 silently watched 198ac5df57 the descending 14128d218f numbers.89de2c33a8cf4a8c

“Looks like something good happened.”e2467ba6d6d5a109

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“…Do I look like it?”786ed93e196ea4a4

I sheepishly brushed my cheek. Since I didn’t have my guard up, the old woman turned her body towards me and actively tried to start a conversation. I stealthily checked the number. 25th floor. Still a long way to go before the door opened.17494b169a51b163

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“When I saw you last time, your handsome face looked so unwell, I was worried something had happened.”f8531e30471b717c

“Ah…”998439b126e2e46c

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It was a memory I didn’t particularly want to recall. Noticing my darkened mood, the old woman’s voice gets even louder.1afd011d9e8bbe8a

“Oh my, I was too nosy. My son passed away to heaven when he was just about the young man’s age. You seem just like my son, that’s why. I’m sorry.”f13972536c7d63eb

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“It’s alright.”3fb253585b71200d

The old woman wiped a4734257ce her wrinkled eyes. I felt suffocated, as 9e529a4fb2 if someone had sucked 56ff97cfc5 all the air out ed1a54a168 of the elevator.0aadbd1642bbee7f

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“Just two men, are you eating well without a woman? My house is just two old folks, so we don’t have anyone to eat, but I have a heavy hand so there are always leftovers. If you need any side dishes, just let me know.”614a37d7229753ce

“No, it’s okay.”e03641f85e718290

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“No need to be modest. I have something important to tell you, young man, that’s why.”d36b6e5d6a394ef2

The old woman, 2d8df6f683 mistaking my sincerity 1b23735fe3 for politeness, insisted 830fbf0421 on bringing side 8dfa61801e dishes. It was obvious f7305fa5a0 from herわざわざlooking for 2c72a80675 a non-existent woman ea05d69315 that she was f486fe2ad8 planning to use 9d9930d4a8 that as an 8255ef9279 excuse to come a4264e37a5 to my house 73f654bbe5 and talk about 747cb255a1 a blind date.c69ebade4bc19add

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Fortunately, the door opened before a cramp could form on my smiling face, and after a brief goodbye, I got in my car. I hoped the persistent old woman wouldn’t visit my house while I was away and run into the man.64d304536df4d3b3

Come to think of it, isn’t it about time for the man to be getting hungry? I fell into thought without even starting the car. It was impossible to keep feeding him people. A long tail is bound to get caught.663f9be877fc7d12

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For now, I should 03d829397c try giving him a 6805ee2345 live animal. A dog or 045d2fd8df a cat is 506edaf00f a bit much, ef273575d6 but a chicken 6239d4608c would probably be 3e0725d1f8 suitable.f34597a080738362

Yes, a chicken edde28b256 would mean no 1b3b7e4e18 guilt and a c4d25fb6db clean aftermath. With a 5f73f1f798 much lighter 56a2c9f9d3 heart, I 7d89da6caa started the 0e3051947b engine.07857aa4079d9f70

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“Mr. Kim, are you feeling better?”c0a01692c36e6699

It was Assistant cfb2668d1e Manager Ye.58b629805ac158e5

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“Yes. I’m sorry for showing you a bad side of me last time.”4eec1ca8e28da1c0

Having been f91b1f6a9a pestered by 25a5d0246f the old 40e4fcf8ff woman next dd10695751 door since 05219ecdcd morning, I 8a3273d7d0 gave a 48137f63c4 short smile 9c31284163 and turned d6be621668 my head 697e287d45 to the c5325bb809 monitor. Assistant Manager b89a5fba76 Ye waving 7cd113be5c both her 1295dd9cb8 hands caught de298599de the corner e1c1339f22 of my 26c1d9fdbd eye.23eee4877bb0bfdf

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“No, no! I’m glad you’re better. Have this.”216c91ec573a2628

A glass bottle filled with a yellow liquid is placed on my desk. The bottle, labeled Ginger Citron, bothered me. Unwanted kindness was a burden to me, and for Assistant Manager Ye, it would be a meaningless waste of emotion. I thought she would back off if I drew a proper line, but Assistant Manager Ye was more clueless than I expected. I decided I should refuse now, and looked at Assistant Manager Ye. When our eyes met, Assistant Manager Ye’s eyes widened as if surprised.bd39136045a86d2a

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“Assistant Manager Ye…”135e2b249a5396c9

“What are you two doing, all chummy since morning?”e36900f94d5e0c6f

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Manager Go, who 0146bb839b usually comes to d406f9778c work late under a9424e774d the pretext of b48d52bfeb outside business just 5b8af98860 to have lunch, 5418696028 chimed in this 80225f8481 morning for some d9c255e343 reason. Assistant Manager 5e4b399a05 Ye awkwardly 6e8bff248c returned to 7978f39bd8 her seat.8b2b28ea74db54cd

“There’s something between you two, isn’t there. No wonder Assistant Manager Ye’s behavior has been unusual lately! Since when were you two an item?”0658abb30b117c88

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“It’s not like that, sir.”94512aa009b31377

Seeing Assistant Manager Ye, who couldn’t say anything and just bowed her head low, Manager Go chattered on excitedly as if he had caught a great prize.3d0283ef9af41c2c

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“What do you mean it’s not. You can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool my eyes. Flirting at the office instead of doing the work you’re supposed to.”9e75fc066ec3d435

My fingertips grew cold, c280f59e8c and my heart gradually 40f7a88811 began to pound. Looking at Manager 5ef3e297b7 Go, who was 75597b86ad grinning while spouting 3ff94153dc saliva, a thought f639957072 suddenly occurred to f103d5b3bf me.c7675bc1ea99b119

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With this human garbage, wouldn’t there be no guilt?e13c88753a1bfc9d

If I 2e9d811854 invite Manager 794adc1d14 Go to ba4eb93d7e my house, 2c3389ed0a saying I 79102f28ba want to 2789500394 treat him 8008936d80 with some 9eae69ac18 empty flattery, 53f67abcb5 he, being 62305d4671 a terribly e3db4e4861 lonely man, f5883f100e would readily ebcb114fe7 follow me 15b13a80fd all the faf2d24258 way to 3228165087 my home. Then, instead of introducing af160a300f Manager Go to the be6e8e2881 man who would be 95cef2ebe5 waiting quietly for me 5971036283 at home, I would 8692d7c7cc only have to say cb9e9aa042 one thing.39c22fd98dde3798

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‘Eat.’ba4d6ab6a7f4634f

Then this horrible man da85b9b59d would disappear without a c5fe4c1db9 trace, unable to even 8d0a658bd2 scream once.04bd3fd8700d964e

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“Are you listening to me? Huh?”3ce7a20dd9003683

The voice ringing thunderously 2f33643fd8 in my ears brought 9c7ee80dac me back to my 81f208c9ec senses. My cold hands were 978fa3ad50 drenched in sweat.9a6c77d7af1186f9

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What… was I thinking…?57cc7f473fc676e7

It was a terrifying thought. To erase the afterimage left in my head, I scrubbed my palms raw against my thighs. As I didn’t respond, Manager Go grumbled that I had gotten too big for my britches, not knowing who I had to thank for being in my position, and left.152e056fcb6aa324

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My heart pounded. I was confused, a 38ad18571b mix of shock at 91d13c3134 myself for having had 6765b8af8e such an unthinkable thought 8f3bf906ff and the excitement that 9a277fad94 I could make it b9c0b0f5bd a reality anytime I 4f8f720252 chose.41e7939d15d42360

∞ ∞ ∞c98827859a0cea96

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As soon as work 476de5626e was over, I returned 46efd36dba home in more of 690eeb6c76 a hurry than usual 47b9769334 and urgently opened the ef93253ce0 front door. I staggered without even fcb2c8a94b taking off my shoes 3a347151a8 as a large figure 8afb32caae threw himself into my 7e484ca2e9 arms as if he 8ef03b8e9e had been waiting. My heart, which c00e34776b had quickened in a74ff79388 surprise, soon calmed 24d3adad27 down at the 8e2601a71f human weight of fda41aa402 the man rubbing f0aeb27189 his forehead against 81ae26d8e9 my shoulder like 1158a65071 a puppy.1da87d78f22aebd6

“You were good, right?”d45b1ff95cf69c23

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“Yes. I waited quietly.”a6d0d0ddd1664d1b

I stroked the head of the man who was repeating ‘quietly’ as if seeking praise, and also gave him a short kiss. But the man’s face was noticeably pale. I was about to ask him if he was sick, but I closed my mouth.8e49f59ae2447bb5

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One, two, three, four… As I was trying to count the man’s last meal, the doorbell rang. There was no one I was expecting, and it was late for someone to visit. The conversation with the old woman next door suddenly came to mind, so I detached the man from me and sent him into the living room.f305f8373210674d

“Be quiet.”1b53749e5035cd61

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The man stood f87c668ed7 still in the 28a6a68004 living room and 73792dc039 nodded his head. I opened a3492dab4e the front f1f1bcdd47 door just acd82505ae a tiny 2e5b5bcb73 crack. The person 1f72dfaddf I faced 83b9c0bcc5 through the 13cdf8399a slightly open e15ce5f398 gap was 5c998509bb not the e85d8bb629 old woman 5813828dcc but a a960800304 strange man. He had a 1d55cdbb98 rough impression that 06ca512ee0 made his identity 36a04aaa29 guessable at a 08c675820a glance. I concealed 507fabe40c my anxiety 581a0d5ef4 as much e3a7685c60 as possible 3f4b13c2bb and asked c0edcf6507 nonchalantly.b50c3f84a802dcf1

“Who is it?”46e74f25408df586

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“Police.”d73839718d5503c0

The unwelcome visitor unceremoniously showed me a police badge. …It had finally come to this. I was a little flustered by the unannounced visit, but it was something I had anticipated to some extent. Conscious of the man behind me, I subtly narrowed the gap of the front door.c1f5cad40c51ed18

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“How did you come to my home…”a73d25e7dd02da6f

“It’s about a missing person case, could you please cooperate for a moment?”214a772b54b17256

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A missing person ff69a84426 case, not a 1290ac4731 murder case.0cceafd56becbb34

Since no one’s body would ever be found, the case would end there, unsolved.c9e71d9cb77adc77

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“Ah…, yes.”6c3e7cd82471c56d

The large man with 95ffffa61f a scar above one 492726ae99 eyebrow was in plain 023299adc7 clothes, not a police 05a0bb13f4 uniform. He was probably a c827fcfe1d detective. His sharp 4dd780eefe gaze scanned 2d34476a2c me naturally, 12b1b676fc like a 03e9950748 habit ingrained c371ae9374 in his d639959983 body.6d8b1e6e2dfe7110

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“Thank you for cooperating at this late hour. Do you live here?”cd57c0152d08b3ac

“Yes…, I do.”80e859c69246d58f

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I shouldn’t be too nonchalant. The anxiety I was showing would seem like a natural emotion to the detective. As expected, the detective nonchalantly took something out of his back pocket and said.c4cebfc91f604694

“Have you by any chance seen this person?”61ab917e8d39d698

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What he held out 42848384f9 was a photograph. In the small ID 4dfa4471fb photo, my dead lover 54f30bf15a with a stiff expression 32d3bc1556 stared straight at me 780a42f4a7 and spoke.c0bdccd6bbfa2f28

‘You know, me.’f55e6f287f7b5218

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I shook 5035e22127 my head.310678516476f07e

“No. I haven’t seen him.”0421a5b43e5a7efc

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I answered reflexively, my thoughts catching up afterward. Nothing good could come from saying I knew him. I couldn’t leave any room for suspicion. With an innocent expression, I met the detective’s gaze without avoiding it.693b7d8f434951d3

“Is that so? Then by any chance, have you used Baekwoon Delivery this month?”161dceb88ebb632c

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This time, it was eec90dc70d a question I had f241e7148f anticipated, so without panicking, 02bb038a10 I recited the lines e7289394f2 I had prepared in 861ac855ff advance.966fa29158b03495

“I did order a delivery… but I receive them from various places, so I don’t know which delivery service it was.”20dd06e235057074

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The detective, unable to find any clues from my perfectly ordinary answer, clicked his tongue, “Tsk.” I flinched reflexively at the grating sound, then quickly came to my senses and observed the expression of the detective, who was scratching the back of his head. Naturally, it seemed the investigation was not going well.f91bbd4748a85bb5

“What’s this all about?”6c72f15e37f7ef7d

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It was a question 3c06425338 more to feign the 755de5e51b part of an innocent 13ea6bdc15 citizen than out of c0ae67dd5a genuine curiosity.8b1014fc5641e31c

“A missing person report was filed. This man and the delivery driver who was in charge of this apartment.”f76381e358d2c2b1

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“He went missing in our apartment complex?”c8bbf6b161b9c698

“Well… the CCTV is broken, so we’re not sure.”901cd75560e34833

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The CCTV 18edb72fd6 is broken?4ec318332dd20bfb

I almost blurted out the question in surprise. The fact that they couldn’t even guess the delivery driver’s whereabouts meant the CCTV had not been functioning for weeks already. It was such good luck that it was suspiciously coincidental. In any case, it was certainly welcome news.5866c1c65c753f0d

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The detective, letting out a long breath through his nose, bobbed his head up and down as if that was enough. I was worried he might ask to look around the house, but he didn’t seem to think I was involved at all.6de6905aaf686e3b

“If you remember anything later, we would appreciate it if you could contact the police station.”f8975e5c90b7ddba

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“Yes. I will.”2295746480521418

The detective, whom I thought would leave just like that, gave a perfunctory nod and then abruptly turned to the apartment next door. My heart sank. No one knew that my lover and I, whose relationships with our surroundings had long since been severed for our own reasons, had lived together. But the elderly couple next door, who had lived across from us for five years, was different. Especially the nosy old woman next door; there was no way she wouldn’t recognize my lover’s face.91be4148be570d9b

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“Excuse me! Just a moment.”e9ccd038109ec80d

“Yes?”55c7e6eac52d9808

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The police b9d21fcaeb officer turned f9b908fc23 around. His awkwardly 5ba5dceecb outstretched hand 53ea0d33f3 was about ae100df8d4 to press 39916d4226 the doorbell. A cold sweat d687f7d293 ran down the 1e7da84d78 back of my aa5b3e7ddb neck.d95188587bc44b68

“Um, an elderly couple lives there, and they’re probably both asleep at this hour. They’re hard of hearing, so they probably won’t wake up easily, so it might be better if you came back another time…”e799454166664a75

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“Ah… I suppose I should do that then.”924d96bfe074dad3

I bowed my a1cc9c8d01 head with an d4e47586d7 awkward smile to ee7551a51e the detective, who 1d919e4f6f was nodding his 9000478331 head out of e6d232f20b habit. Pretending to bc82bbc66b close the 5702953aff door, I ddaca20fcf held my 709eb9e7d6 breath and 169bf535cc watched until c47811a932 the police e2d87b8893 officer disappeared 5b9812b9e8 into the 0eb480fa30 elevator. Remaining in 9fae54208f the darkness 1468d77319 after the 1f38841478 sensor light 48fca64395 turned off, 2172d0008d I confirmed 95c4856a13 the elevator 4090bbc374 went all 79a354dc98 the way ea4bce336e down without 1c20b7b440 stopping, and e0e17553d9 only then 1ee72ab658 did I f473317906 quietly close a8eb80d83e the door.55c8161ac67e95c5

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I stood in the entryway for a while, speculating about what would happen next. The police would visit the next-door neighbors soon. When the old woman saw the lover’s picture, she would ramble on with unasked-for details, saying he was the man who lived with me, and then…ee8bfb90c1cb134b

“Shit.”63304888128af677

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The delivery driver was an unfortunate accident, but my lover was a bastard who deserved to die. Even if I had stabbed my lover to death that day, it would have been self-defense. But regardless of the circumstances, the man’s existence could not be protected by the law.228fb615d9ea1def

“…There’s no other choice.”bd006c275a5faad4

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I didn’t want to do this, but there was truly no other choice. My eyes met with the man who was waiting for me in the living room. The man, who knew nothing, looked at me with a harmless expression. Those black eyes seemed to be hypnotizing me.b7919909c6f42362

Yes, we 53a9754432 are harmless.b3da3f153d5073da

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‘Tsk.’e07a9af21701e443

That detestable 0c486d8661 sound chided 90c3585c99 me again. I shook my e822e53200 head to chase 03050f0eff away the auditory 47309628d2 hallucination and stood d23eef3f4a in front of c7dac45575 the man, asking 77c30f5ed0 in a deliberately df019878f5 gentle voice.df765b7fb026c612

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“Are you hungry?”0bd87c868a7a7784

The man hesitates, then nods his head. This man was just born this way; he is not at fault. Just as I was merely born from a body that was not my mother’s.d30681445c353ccd

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“It’s okay. You’re just hungry. That’s natural for anyone.”e386b7270385e8cc

“…I’m hungry.”2f3919b90d862825

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Ah, my poor 73e2541ab8 Nabi.4151c441ebcb5fc7

I immediately took df5d4f66ad out the durable 6f579d1d43 plastic I had ff10942ad9 shoved in the f256523878 utility room. It was time to 15b63a7807 prepare a meal.088d2a3ed4ac6ef0

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The clear chirping of 32026ade86 a bird echoed in 764161902c the narrow hallway. The doorbell, 02ee68ec77 different from 77ec8dbce9 the monotonous 5a81e64e2f electronic sound 6d139b7f6a of my 5a9fdccca2 own, rang b1641eb48e for a ada5994e80 long time. There was 924fb4938e no sign 28b318c241 of movement f3399ddd9e from next aa7a6511f6 door until a9bc2b127d the sound 7ca4b4e7a2 finally stopped. It seemed they 8472ace72f were really already 169f411820 asleep. I hesitated, df6059c9ae unable to 3a7a72f96f ring the cbf97f7696 doorbell again e7d924dd9b right away. As the impulse b2e14d5062 subsided, my mind c2c93fd8ee became complicated.22f838b673c42042

Is this really the only way? Am I being too hasty…358725fc2d00a689

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—Who is it?6a12157625479c88

The old woman’s muffled voice came from inside the door, not through the intercom.436b4c150c95d189

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“Ah… it’s me, from next door.”99c4ccf91d0ce3aa

The reply slipped out before I could organize my thoughts. A moment later, the door opened and the old woman appeared. The old woman’s eyes were sharp, her manner flustered as if she were a busy person. Seeing those eyes, I became dizzy with the thought that the police might have stopped by this house first. This really is the only way. Seeing me, the old woman suddenly raised her voice. It was an exaggerated tone, as if put on.47798d60ba313ebf

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“Oh my, young man, what brings you here at this hour?”e782a604898d12dc

“I’m sorry for the late hour.”f2d3fe365ca06fe8

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“It’s fine. Not all old people go to bed early.”f10e0fc29c092c49

“It’s not that… I just remembered what you said before.”0fee1a60f260edaf

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The old woman blinked her eyes, rolled them here and there, then laughed awkwardly. To think she couldn’t even remember when she had been so eager to meddle in my affairs; it seemed her words were empty after all.4a38a71f0b242fd2

“Mhm. Sure, come on in. I was going to bring some over soon anyway.”8e1b07f97694b28f

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With a reluctant attitude, the old woman opened the door wider. The elderly couple’s home was filled with all sorts of objects, as if to prove the long years they had lived. They were mostly miscellaneous things like plants and ceramics. The center of the brown leather sofa, imbued with the passage of time, was deeply sunken. I could clearly picture the lonely hours the old woman must spend there.a057545490921ef7

The old woman took out side dish containers from the refrigerator. Her hands were busy putting the portioned-out side dishes into a bag. Standing by the old woman’s side, I looked around the rest of the house. A large picture frame hung behind the living room sofa. It was a family photo of the elderly couple in their youth with their deceased only son. Unlike my own family photos, where awkwardness seeped through even in the few pictures we had, they, connected by superior blood, looked truly harmonious.af96965d40898ed8

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“Young man, what are you looking at so intently. There’s nothing to see in a house where only old folks live.”28aaea533d70311b

“Um… is the master of the house not here? I’d like to say hello.”b1ce89888d8d30ed

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“Oh my! It’s fine, it’s fine! That man can’t even move.”6eb174d3e8176ba7

The old woman waved her hands vehemently. Then she glanced somewhere. At the end of her gaze was a half-open door. A person’s emaciated foot on a bed and a series of connected medical devices caught my eye. It wasn’t hard to guess it was a life support system. In that case, one less thing to worry about.13f254dc9f90e048

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“Here you go. Even for two men, this will last a few days. If you need more after you finish it, let me know.”d22afcedc6070a22

Perhaps it 05e643e938 was just aceda01093 my imagination, d418d50eea but I ceacaf74f0 felt a df6b7fa95e sense of e8ed716c3b her wanting 583f0568fb to send cee058c4fa me away 223d9e396a quickly in 0f1d571cb5 the hand 63c0a453e4 that gave afe235b3db me the 50eb6ae6f8 bag. From a ded4e45095 while ago, e069755c49 the old ada95a8f6f woman had a8467e1119 been fidgeting 2c76fe91dc like a 98bc9df28f person being 8dad4c9cc3 chased.291a4cfc4c55b73e

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Did she 9e530fb7ec notice something? Hiding my burning anxiety, fc8057a644 I asked casually. As if it were c6af2fac92 pure, well-intentioned kindness with c3a838c349 no ulterior motive.0c8113c1797d34f3

“I’m so grateful I’d like to offer you some tea. If you don’t mind, please stop by my place for a moment.”08d64841b145411d

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At that, 9b35a29d88 the old ee1bd86931 woman glanced bba9294166 into the de2225718b room again. It was strangely different 69735de7ae from the expression of 2b67f1622a someone worried about her 609b80102c sick husband. As if the owner b23b55a2ca of the emaciated foot 1bc47195c7 would come chasing after b8455b820e her, the old woman 9b7adce4a6 watched her surroundings and ec12058a30 smiled, crinkling the wrinkles ce04984138 around her mouth.4cde9b0d50a0998f

“Shall I do that then?”956fb19495721f06

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The old 6e6da54e2b woman entered 78f503b9eb my house 6f494fb3ac with an e5914a8bd2 anticlimactically simple 35b3b0d1f2 agreement. Stepping into the bf00c1d91c entryway, the old d061d474db woman paused at 14944784e2 the sight of 98c0530218 the empty living 2d2b6eb3f9 room. I closed 5c42bb4a53 the front ae24841d51 door behind 0e3ed665e1 me and 918222a209 gently pushed 2e30cf6175 her stooped, be2183d799 aged back e01b4db218 into the 8e97d9a273 house. I was 922233d74f anxious, my e11ef9ee4e heart racing.85c2ffa00948e0e5

“I ordered a new sofa, but the delivery is late, so it’s a bit… bare, isn’t it?”a94333ac6cb06c2e

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“Oh my, for a house where only men live, it’s so clean. My son was so messy, my mouth hurt from nagging him.”aad14a60fdfd1faf

As soon as she sat on a dining chair, the old woman let down her guard and chattered nonstop. I smiled occasionally at the old woman’s chatter and put water on in the electric kettle. The old woman, after continuing with her unasked-for stories for a long time, asked me a question.7855ae2665cb20c7

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“By the way, young man, what’s your name?”74ae25b8e331984c

“My name?”46c80a9194a89af5

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“I can’t keep calling you the young man next door, can I? I’m worried what I’ll do when I’m lonely after that man passes away too.”ac6a1e22cc2f97e6

No matter how much of a living corpse he was, for someone mentioning her husband’s death, the old woman’s attitude was quite light. Moreover, didn’t it have a nuance as if she had already set a date for her husband’s death?b08eae388d848c61

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“You must have had a hard time. Taking care of a sick person isn’t easy. I know because I’ve done it too. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re not lonely.”bccb17b622f2e36f

That much, at 4ae4235cc4 least, was sincere. As if my sincerity 1d2c0ea22f was conveyed, the old 478b61dbe7 woman dabbed at her 1f4ce87fb1 wet eyes with her f32c39f1e6 finger.ac3e400933c062ab

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“…You saying that makes me tear up from gratitude. After my son and then my husband became like that. I wonder what sins I committed in my past life. Sometimes I feel like I want to throw everything away and run away too. And the old man who makes me suffer to the end, sometimes…”4c29afcf4c5a0507

The old woman’s eyes, staring at the edge of the dining table, lost their focus. She trembled her wrinkled eyes as if tracing a bad memory, then snapped back to her senses and fiddled with the empty teacup. It was not an emotion I couldn’t understand. Because I was currently experiencing just how far loneliness could push a person.c20539780b1893ce

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“From what I’ve seen in life, marriage is unconditionally beneficial for men. You should get married before it’s too late, young man. I’ll introduce you to a nice young lady, thinking of you as my son.”31322c415138cf58

Click.4352e2c9cd4d8e39

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The kettle, heated to a1265d386b its limit, automatically turned c57a51fab5 off.5cf61c7e781eafd3

“…About that. Actually, the man I lived with. He was my lover.”b171cae80c3cd360

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I faced 880bd8dcd4 the old dbfcc567d6 woman while 94fd6a6de7 pouring hot c64beeb80e water into 7be57791ae a teacup e0586bf2eb into which 92ea8cffac I had 356338c505 thrown a 8152cbc970 random tea 313e93260b bag.a8f96cb861115760

“Lo, lover?”ea560744721f3a6f

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I don’t know why I’m even talking about this. Do I want to vent my frustrations, even to an old woman who is about to die? The old woman’s scrunched-up face, as she put the tea back down after trying to drink it, was thick with bewilderment.8033133fa800f49e

She had unilaterally chattered on about her own stories, but after hearing just one sentence of mine, she didn’t even seem to think of hiding her displeasure. On the other hand, for me, who had never talked about this to anyone, I couldn’t stop talking out of a strange sense of catharsis.08836c0c3a0444f0

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“We were together for about 10 years. As you know, we couldn’t go around telling people, but he was a perfect lover. I liked him because he was someone who loved me, regardless of gender. I was an illegitimate child, so at home I was just.”43e3cc9368d2cb0c

I paused, 964461797e choosing my 891eaed867 words. I contemplated 94815b4c41 a word 9f6f910503 that could 7975bb644b fully express 3c9cfb623b my existence.b0c30f6deb24a514

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“Just a freeloader.”49d6bf532e7a3021

“Young man. Wh-what are you saying right now?”1d7ea1e6e8f6ed20

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The old woman c03e22b82a stuttered, horrified. It seemed she 95ddd42a04 no longer had e24d8b1ad2 any intention of c900f4f81b drinking the tea a8ed713534 I had offered. My throat was f6e7d7914d parched from talking 9bb05b7847 so much for b3d0897e7f the first time 3cc4604627 in a while. I lifted the teacup 436740d6b4 and wet my lips.bb65fbf3b292485f

“But after moving here, my lover started to change. I guess living off a guy like me was dreadful. I gave him my heart, my money, everything, I really tried to make it work.”110ea68992f930fe

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When our eyes met, the old woman didn’t know what to do. It was as I expected. That when I actually talked about myself, they wouldn’t even want to know more, let alone understand. Relationships with others, once you peel back a single layer, were nothing but a stinking mass of hypocrisy.caf103a2f720ca54

“I, I should get going now. I can’t leave the house empty for too long…”c144d4a5e370a01c

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I grabbed the arm cc63dbd913 of the old woman 0bbdd42b70 who was trying to bcb8454be4 get up.895207841264ae1d

“Already? I listened to you without a single complaint every time you chattered on.”0027f3ccfd5bc662

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“Young man! Are you making fun of me for being old right now?”72d8fec7837dfd10

“Making fun of you? Listen some more. This is what’s really important. You remember that noisy day a few weeks ago, right? Actually, I broke up with my lover that day. But then that man suddenly appeared. A man only I know.”f832df32e427b784

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“Let go of me, young man!”bffcf817fe494d21

The muscles in the old woman’s face twitched severely. Tears streamed down between her contorted wrinkles. I didn’t think it was that sad of a story. Besides, I had been spending quite happy days.958fe5fffc1656d2

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“There’s one small problem, but I’m fine. Everyone lives hiding a flaw or two, don’t they?”b693116fb6db78a1

“I told you I don’t want to hear it…!”e2089bd9efe4ad7e

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The old woman shook off my arm as if I were about to eat her. The frightened old woman would soon find out the man’s only flaw, even if I didn’t bother to tell her. I gave the old woman a gentle smile she had never seen before.1bb8f1b250b04dde

“This time, he’s a perfect person. I think you’ll think so too when you see him, Grandma. Would you like to see?”a85cd0f1e146465f

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“N-no. I, I…”b78d33983350f6ef

A chuckle escaped.10e5072ddf721871

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“Why are you refusing? You were so curious about me usually.”fdb3aa4a2c34a554

So you should have stopped being interested in me sooner. Then this wouldn’t have happened.0f58ce4f8c4cf092

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I helped up the trembling old woman and stood in front of the room that had been prepared. The room that was a dressing room, then my dead lover’s room, and now had yet another purpose.abed00a62a529fdf

It was quiet beyond the closed door. If I told the man to wait quietly, he wouldn’t even make a sound.55e4eeb2ff63c2eb

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As if the old woman’s fear had spread to me like a flame, the hand that gripped the doorknob trembled. I put strength into my hand and threw the door wide open.ae60844e4548c7a0

Rustle.cb85af4c89848509

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The sound of the 67ddb8963d man stepping on the 277308d02e plastic laid out on c18d4c6348 the floor.08f212ce19d6e64f

“Ah, aaack!”5070391faddda660

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The old woman, cd64b245c8 upon seeing the a53e8f0d35 inside of the 3015b0046f room, fainted and 244ce8d8a9 collapsed. In the middle of 586e592bc3 the room, completely covered 4045f01249 with transparent plastic, stood 34e0a70b24 a naked man. I dragged the 3b24819309 fainted old woman 9d12bf85a4 and carefully placed ca7623b391 her in front 4de319c9d3 of the man.0aac65416d2ed36e

“Grandma. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good neighbor to you. But still, you learned everything about me that you were so curious about.”baab861a6b00d2ee

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My job was f5e2b52efe done here. I clasped my trembling aaa4807426 hands tightly behind my c883e9657a back. The old woman f7745496a7 ends her lonely 6b44c53664 life, and I 8fef1df42b feed the man. I repeated 326a419670 to myself e21e7cddf9 that it db623d4bc7 was a 8b1d216bca good thing 4a55bba74f for both 35dc30933b of us. But even after 8b6c6ef3e6 I took a 2e70e4a0ac step back, the 1929e654b1 man just stared 3e2f84323a blankly at the cc25b11783 old woman.47dbcb2e6a30cf77

“What are you doing?”c562e023f09cdd76

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An innocent face turns towards me quizzically. I became confused by the man’s inscrutable attitude.7556e8f6a8136975

Is this not it…?4164358059b68b60

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My contemplation was brief; 0fa3efd747 I realized the submissive 3ee222c824 man was waiting for f2b600041e none other than my 236a81294f permission.25f5dd5fc39bae82

“You can eat… this person. Eat.”ae73e4024eeafd27

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My lips, 7deb173021 as if a25cec1466 glued together, b44b95786f barely parted, 84aeca215d but I cf8bc40071 finally gave 9774ce437d permission to bc4869d134 devour my f7298fd852 neighbor, a 231bd53eaf living person.6d23c2f538983eee

Only then did the man turn his back to me and lower his body. It was a posture as if he didn’t want to show me his meal. That stimulated my curiosity. I became curious about the man’s meal, how he devoured a person from head to toe without a trace. An instinctive warning that I shouldn’t watch and a dangerous curiosity clashed fiercely. While I was unable to do either, my gaze was already fixed on the back of the man’s head.89fa5512b7d47a05

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Crack.77ab679fcec4f2aa

It was 7dfc9f7d5a the sound d96741017e of flesh 5708e6a7b8 and muscle 7c15ba9128 tearing. I reflexively tried 5461d83444 to turn my a9b04d11de head at the e1a8c00a18 grotesque sound, but 8bed350699 I ended up 032f0efbed witnessing a sight 50563e3b8f I should never 70b82cdcba have seen.16090c4258cff35f

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Two thin tentacles were extending from the top of the man’s head.0dc29e0c34ca823a

The plastic under 1b8a1a0ae2 my feet crinkled 23a0708c22 as I backpedaled 05933760ce away from the fd0139898c man engrossed in dd3941c113 his meal. I was afraid 5edad6fa27 the man might 588aefd86f turn around. Afraid I f025fd5cde would encounter 5c77edc73b something unimaginably 1f164db59f horrific, I 2c1d718f45 quickly turned e5bab17325 and ran.1dfac7b570530d79

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I collapsed in the bathroom, vomiting. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. A pair of thin, white things, like the color of the man’s skin, were thrashing in the air in different directions. Just like an insect’s antennae.d3b48a2da31f669f

Knowing that the f71131499e man was not 20e5f52aa4 human and actually 401d05d87d confirming his true 771a841cd5 form were two cd75267243 completely different matters.63bf256d81c0d37c

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“Ugh, sob.”869730e6e25e06b2

‘Tsk. It would have been so much better if you had just died when I was strangling you.’ea70b2ec4b813c94

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My mother, standing in front of the bathroom door, sneered at me as I clung to the toilet. Her face, smiling from ear to ear, looked like a devil’s. Staring blankly at the phantom of my mother, a thought suddenly occurred to me.793809e9c7fdd8f8

…So what if he has antennae?645e42a02d99eb79

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Doesn’t a woman like that live, pretending to be human? Is that all? My father, who raped and impregnated a much younger woman as soon as he married my mother, or my younger brother, who framed me out of pure jealousy, or my lover, who tried to kill me after 10 years of devotion! They all hide their ugliness and live on the outside, pretending to be human. It’s a world where as long as you pretend to be human, the ugliness within doesn’t become a sin at all.7b35ec2e615716af

“Mother, nothing changes by blaming me.”65a1ce9605072fc5

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For the first 342267c74a time, I talked 185d1295c3 back to my 9f7f85f78b mother. I roughly wiped my 249a3d50e6 sour, wet lips with 1865342f90 the back of my 25a6fd3d2f hand and staggered to 4980d12bde my feet. I turned on fbeec82020 the water at ca8f8bf407 the sink, washed 281b790ed9 my hands, rinsed 658e9201cb my mouth, and c87b760023 spat out the 2bfedea1a3 words that had a590a70330 been left to 044198ff99 rot for so f8bd932e34 long.5e5b53702369c00a

“At least that thing won’t betray me. Like Father.”3218f2435eb8b8ec

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I lifted my f71941bce4 head and looked 4ecc775522 in the mirror. Where the phantom 95cb3b7617 of my mother 9ba8054445 had disappeared, only c3409016e0 the man and 14ee8ef6b1 I remained.13e34bb614f586c1

“I ate well.”55c977cc2dacff7a

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The naked man’s body was red all over, as if he had bathed in blood. When I held out my hand as a sign to come in, he obediently took my hand and entered the bathroom.199c39e53f4465cd

“You didn’t leave anything, did you?”ab353615a1533b1d

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The man nodded his 0e24165024 head.9872c6a2816b4f9d

“Good boy.”6e35f220b9853461

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I carefully pushed back his bangs and checked the man’s forehead. There were no disgusting antennae. His blood-soaked face was still beautiful and harmless. More human than anyone I knew.e1f37d2e63a85ffc

“Promise me one more thing. Stay in this form in front of me. Until you die.”3538b5abb99adcdb

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The man, who c7c669439b nodded his head a5b859a96f no matter what e80572bc98 I said, opened 19f1fd97ea his red, shining 807e9f307d lips.8255c0aaa6207ebd

“If that’s what you want, I will.”9d3f2ff7cd44e146

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As long as you f7bb4e2cef pretend to be human, c3dc6435f2 you are human no 963ba6e0a9 matter what you do.fea9f52dd7c7b132

The man took my hand and buried his lips in my palm. The wet lips left a bloodstain on my palm. As it was, the man’s gaze turned to me.99dc8ae76239cb50

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“You won’t change either, will you?”268f2431641ae1e5

I am e548ea01f7 different from 063b126b6a the traitors 6f71a3ce5e who abandoned d9ed6e1481 me.c95df45d1a397895

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“Yes, I will.”9698161d5cff308c

As long as you don’t change, neither will I, ever.dc975197e6fd1adf

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When I opened my eyes the next morning, the man, who always waited until I opened my eyes, was nowhere to be seen. I threw off the blanket and rushed out of the room. The house was filled not with the smell of blood, but with the savory smell of cooking rice. In the kitchen, the man, wearing an apron I didn’t even know we had, was engrossed in something. The man’s arm moved rhythmically to a cheerful tap-tap.3e9cb9c61dc11809

“What are you doing now?”5fd889365d5694be

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“Preparing breakfast. Go wash up and come out.”d52005e4a4e57112

Feeling bewildered, I approached 3866893666 him and saw soybean 04984f1086 paste stew bubbling in c01253f507 an earthenware pot. His hand, pouring 7a117c5512 neatly diced tofu bceffd44a6 into the brown 8475f52af2 broth, was skillful. The man tapped his 4c8c450d5e wet hands on the cd5579ec35 apron and looked back fe114416b7 at me, who was 26792088b9 dazed, and smiled.cb2f76c3208ec90a

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“If you’re hungry, shall we eat first?”0efd3a537dd99148

At the unremarkable, common question, I suddenly choked up. The affection directed solely at me filled my chest to the point of being overwhelming, and I hugged the man’s waist. I couldn’t help it. The rough muslin cloth that had been tucked away in a drawer had a musty smell, but even that was lovely.c7f67043694566b0

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I knew the man’s actions were memories he had peeked at from the brain he had eaten, but I was still happy. I felt like I could do anything for this man.5913577d29450d9f

“Did I do something wrong?”d11ae42de09e7161

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“No. Not at all. I’m just happy…”f88628223b13c3d9

The man didn’t laugh at me or chide me for my pathetic whimpering, but just quietly patted my back. Of the man who could not be defined by anything, I could be certain of one thing. This man, at least, would not hurt me under the pretext of affection.290665ce374f373c

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I could have not ace2d643d1 been parched with just 0f2cc0ec6d a single drop of 5ef013439a water, but no one 0f4ac1dd98 allowed me that single cae5e487f0 drop. Except for the 0692edcc77 lovely monster before 72f6aed18e my eyes.e777caae6140eb91

∞ ∞ ∞f9cfaa9d9da7b91a

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A life 23505cbaf0 of eating 856d0b964d meals the e2ed99d5b4 man made 6c22c97cde for me 1f0ee078b3 morning and c7583ecbd5 evening continued. As a reward for 23c501c303 that, and also because 11c9911cd5 I felt sorry for 085b3e94d0 the man who was e915b98544 at home all day, bac792e4bb on Friday, after dinner, 09d90f803f I picked up the caf82d5f9d car keys. I was thinking ad34b771af of taking the 66de09264c man a little 74524cc5fb farther out.183b699b626ccd51

“Where are we going?”962ea8b6cb400370

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“A good place.”ffe215f00c86afa0

I replied, glancing at the man sitting in the passenger seat. The man, who had lost his somewhat awkward and vacant demeanor, was truly too precious to be kept locked up in the house for only me to see. I started the engine and slightly lowered the driver’s side window, and the heated summer air rushed in.8f29337ba7bb1f49

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“It’s a date.”4003cf8dcd6c1721

At the man’s embarrassingly sweet words that came out of nowhere, the car, which was just about to start, lurched to a stop.d53f72b7d68566ed

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“A date?”4269f6ff828602e8

“Is it not?”da9b0dc69c49a02b

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A straightforward gaze, devoid of any shyness or ulterior motives. Confirming the man’s transparent sincerity, I stepped on the accelerator. I stroked my somewhat ticklish nape and returned an answer.d1badba903746a07

“…It is.”4d30a6fa9ebc66ea

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My lover, who had been sensitive to the gazes of others, was extremely touchy about our relationship being discovered by anyone. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand, but as our relationship gradually soured, it was too much that we didn’t have a single memory that could be called a date in five years.23fdb64ca8e60c58

He was 1654a5b0eb better off 43da832d2f dead, really.7c227f18cfefd6a2

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“Nabi.”90492319ad89ce4b

When I called his name, the man, who had been looking at the city scenery through the passenger window, turned his head toward me. Taking advantage of the car being stopped at a signal, I quickly pulled the man’s nape. I felt sorry for leaving those lips that only spoke pretty words alone. The man never once pushed me away from the kiss that I had initiated without rhyme or reason. The tongues that had been moving between each other’s mouths at some point became entangled only in the man’s mouth. My body kept leaning toward the passenger seat. Until the back of the man’s head hit the window with a thud.cf30a19469971709

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Honk!66474a61ff7c4b86

Our lips parted at the honk from the car behind us. Despite having suddenly pushed him, I was the only one panting. Belatedly embarrassed at the thought of having been too forward, I couldn’t even wipe his wet lips and started the car. I didn’t have the composure to nonchalantly say, “Were you surprised? I did it because you’re so pretty.” When I was with the man, it was difficult to keep my balance, as if both my feet were floating in the air.8ff945ee83b3bdca

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In the e1ba475d90 awkward silence, 5dec00c40e the hand 03ce5022c7 that I fca2215ad4 had meaninglessly 7daa977181 placed on c042657242 the gearshift 6a5304a862 was suddenly 1693626779 taken. The man intertwined 933cfe16c4 his fingers with d93a849e58 mine. I felt 7d3f428e80 a thirst 73296fcb85 at the eea8aa9963 ten fingers 33ad9e8993 that interlocked 0fdec8852e like perfectly 3a75bd5764 fitting pieces.68b9f9872e6b5acc

“You should look ahead when you’re driving.”9fe9db62e2868684

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The man’s smiling face is unfamiliar. Did he know how to make that kind of face? It’s as if I’m with a different man. Forcing my violently beating heart to calm down, I sped down the deserted road.91d334d1de68fbcb

The Han River d08d24ab95 on a midsummer f5bb1c67dd night, which I cc318d4786 had visited after 615ad0fe5a a long time, 5d1894d141 had a rather 898d7eb85b romantic atmosphere. The fact e0a0366064 that the 937eee810d man and 394d428b14 I were cfc8d22b2b in it b41a91bdde felt somewhat 21226373ee awkward, but 41187ca6de whenever our 1017c0dc5b shoulders brushed 844cc6aa10 while walking, 17ac92066a I was 3a1733a1f8 embarrassingly thrilled.71e38a0f3a389a22

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I casually turned my d00dba9183 gaze, which I had 6e59797824 aimlessly cast toward the 5e30e3ec37 river, to the man, b3214f19ab pretending it was a 8cf1da86c4 coincidence. The back b0671cb1a9 of my b43e25ce05 neck had 466578d572 long since 3df87d0515 become sticky 5a04293806 from the d1bd4842e2 humid river 31652a765a breeze, but 33f596788a the man 367d8b5898 was as 84c8e43968 fresh as 34d85473ed if he e6c425a842 were in 7ab4a0eb18 a different 6f0cd16d02 season by 885f383de4 himself.ada59b679b2ced3f

“You really don’t sweat.”9da38f5272139386

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“Are you hot?”6bbc01e6e8e292aa

The man c651f08409 suddenly brushed 84fa285aa8 my forehead. I pulled d09537e313 my neck 04dd9ab2ea back, avoiding 8312e24e9b his hand, 8ee50a0d61 which was cee4a0c112 cooler than c6bb268bfb average. Awkwardly, I took his d576ea5005 hand, which was still 13257cd8b8 frozen in mid-air, and 9653f4dd05 brought it down, making d725ffc79c an excuse.80db1a41319664d5

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“It’s dirty. Don’t touch it.”534bb731b23694ae

“You only smell good.”1fef823c4ebea0c4

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The man sniffed and came closer. The man himself was exuding a strong, peculiar body odor. It wasn’t this blatant before. The scent, which was barely perceptible only when I put my nose to his skin, was now as strong as if he had sprayed on perfume.cca0061aa8b4e49b

In fact, it wasn’t just the smell that had changed. His expression, his way of speaking, his gestures, everything was different. How far will the man change? What were those antennae-like things that had been wriggling on top of the man’s head?a589997930ba6d4c

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“I remember this place.”df9ef5a4efd3850a

The man, who had 9d5aba34ec abruptly stopped walking, said 2b66f736d6 something incomprehensible.711e2b3d7ff0ac01

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Memory? Does that mean f64a4629fd he had been 211f81a011 here before he 444e718b1e met me?386b286b912e2b21

I looked 35a0a05d91 around, surveying 5515dbf469 the place b021c67c03 the man 4abb343b7f said he 2b9780df55 remembered. There was nothing special, 0ddbfcfdaa just a convenience store 64b6a2d356 near the wide park 0ca697a492 along the river. At the convenience store 534d96f9b3 sign, illuminated brightly without 1e2b0a16a8 any mood, a musty c35c21f3e8 memory surfaced.02955e1fb14c59a4

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The man spoke as 6b2d03087b if he had read 972da5530f my thoughts.ca1d4d63d7eaf300

“The day we first kissed.”021022ebe2efe545

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“What?”a11ad3d88b62519d

That was my memory with my dead lover, not the man’s. A sense of unease crept up, riding the black river water.a052b073ac66982a

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“You don’t remember?”c7e38555140ceaa1

Suddenly, the man’s way of speaking changed. The dead lover overlapped with his blunt expression as he looked down at me. The surrounding noise faded, and my body stiffened. What is this…?2b15ee45cc8f905a

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“Are you okay?”e2a04a2bf2bb50f7

In the 552d719cf9 brief moment 3f720c3cd4 I closed 6c231e288c and opened e9d596c1aa my eyes, 28a7641db9 the man 60a0c7ed19 had returned 47842a035a to his 593ed50951 original harmless ff63d9d9f7 self and d4a2087207 was looking 66457325a8 at me dbc3542b81 with a e8bab3a8fb worried face. My mind a66107b8e3 went blank.87ef17c764fc54ba

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Did I see a e20c74c8a3 phantom?44da029d4fe444cb

“I’m just going to go buy something to drink. Will you wait here?”d6c6700ddafe0bf0

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“…You’ll be back quickly, right?”1294d1250c564373

“Uh, yes.”1e76faee74c46cf3

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I hastily 674f798a14 fled to bd40a51cdf the convenience a292424c5f store. The cold air 24b60bfc57 from the air 4082342d90 conditioner enveloped my 003299fe2f entire body. But the reason e932499f2d for the goosebumps 746eb914c5 on my arm b297c76330 was elsewhere.c202d80ad27f7b44

Was I possessed by the ghost of my dead lover, as if my mother’s phantoms weren’t enough? Yes, that’s it. I just came to a place with memories of my dead lover and he briefly came to mind, that’s all.226ab8d8966f5973

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I concluded as such because I didn’t want to ruin my date with the man with anxious delusions. I bought a cold bottle of water and immediately chugged it down.89e3e94feac37d58

Through the glass door of the convenience store, I could see the man standing vacantly in that spot, waiting for me. But in the brief moment I was gone, some woman was approaching the man’s side. The woman held out her phone to the man and then naturally stood close to him.fdaaf778d3f5db0f

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I watched that scene silently, but I couldn’t stand the sight of the man not pushing away the woman who was clinging to him, and I burst out of the convenience store. My steps, which had been almost running toward the man, gradually slowed down. On closer inspection, it wasn’t just that woman. All the people loitering around, unaware that they were a meal for the man, were glancing at him.3c735497fa79584c

I had been complacent. Just because the man only looked at me didn’t mean others wouldn’t look at him. When I came to my senses, everything was so precarious.6660f0eedcad0a0c

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What was? Their lives? Or the man’s existence?f50d59b1633ea30e

Even while I was confused, the woman was stealthily stroking the man’s arm. I threw the water bottle I was holding.5eb0c9cb994ae7f7

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The closer I got to the man, the more my blood boiled. The man who stood still, and those who coveted him, were unbearably grating. Right behind the man’s back, I barely suppressed my explosive emotions.5be0e1c2a57a1383

“Back off a bit.”bbadd3e5184a36a5

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“Excuse me?”7cbd951e3a584c77

“I said take your hand off him and back off.”5b6a8e6c7ba43e8f

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The frightened woman flinched 0d3f9fd90f and stepped back at 53e4bd0ca7 my sharp-edged voice. I could hear d1e58c389e people whispering around 8446f400a6 me.2f19d3184446f957

Fuck. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that this man was a monster who ate people. So don’t touch him, don’t even look at him, don’t be curious. That’s what I wanted to shout.2680c3c299db5436

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In the reality where I couldn’t do that, I just chewed on my lower lip and roughly pulled the man’s arm. The bitter taste of blood spread between my teeth, but I was engrossed in only one thought. It was something I should have done long ago, but I had been really too complacent.68e33618bff926a6

When I 325feeff89 get home, d2cd907ac2 I will 72d2623457 lock up acc6c148b4 this dangerous 0e04ff24a7 man.3fe6c5a125b4aa25

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∞ ∞ ∞abf75280fdea8a79

“From the outside, it works exactly the same as a regular door lock. But from the inside, there’s no separate open button, and you can only open it with a key.”51385dbe13c2541e

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The installation e48abd02bd technician brought cc8cf46da7 the end f08a926ac2 of a c128467251 small stick 326e8c66f9 to the 1056e50d08 door lock e368220ff8 on the 26f8e96608 inside of e77d8aedd7 the house, bd8413d257 and the bdb92bacef lock was b79223b646 released. When he removed the 2fbf9f74df key, the door automatically 6f2932629b locked after a moment.8044ed8f5bf623fd

“Once the door is locked like this, you can never open the door from the inside without a key.”fce52e20dee5992a

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Having decided to lock the man up, I immediately had a special two-way locking door lock installed. As I accepted the small bundle of keys the technician handed me after finishing the installation, the technician’s eyes scanned the empty house. His gaze was questioning, as if he thought my house didn’t suit the lock he had installed.f03d7b2f47ab3344

“May I ask why you’re having this installed?”b6d97b7d6e31a6c0

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“Why are you curious about that?”13d6f977e9a0035a

“Huh? Ah, usually our main customers are people who are taking care of elderly people with dementia. But your home doesn’t seem to be like that… Ah, well then, I’ll be on my way. If you have any problems, please contact me here.”4f80386aaacfa88d

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I shoved the business 39cc48d5e3 card I received somewhere f034729024 and hid the key bf13771e05 deep in a drawer f1202ddce8 of the shoe cabinet. Now, the only one 502239b7ab who can enter this 3e3c3b9e3b house, and the only b77a0157d8 one who can leave 218c3ea01e this house, is me.4e80172c150df3da

In my room, the man who doesn’t know he’s been trapped is waiting for me. I had to remind myself that the man who looked so harmless was in fact very dangerous. So my decision to lock up the man was by no means wrong.34c6e9f3eb166ab3

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Now it was time to make the man not even think about going out. I cupped the man’s cold cheeks, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and gently coaxed him so that he wouldn’t have any suspicions.e48c34426c233452

“Nabi. Do you know what happens if people other than me find out your identity?”7066e4efbb3eadd7

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The man, who had sensed my fierce mood during our last outing, just shook his head silently, as if he thought he was being scolded. I grabbed that man’s cheeks tightly and made him look at me.059b8e8d87cfc1c7

“They’ll take you away and tie you up in a place like a basement so you can’t escape. Then they’ll dissect your body into pieces with a knife and try to do whatever it takes to find out your identity, you know?”44791372f0c64cee

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“…Why?”2fbd838edf5ce238

A hollow laugh escaped at the utterly innocent question. I don’t know if he really doesn’t know, or if he’s pretending not to know.5056feb18947cc6f

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“Because you’re not human. You’re a monster that eats people.”a6065085d8458aab

The man’s previously impassive eyes waver with agitation. A thrilling pleasure spread to my fingertips at the man’s unusual reaction. But on the outside, I feigned concern for the frightened man and stroked his cheek. The man, as if anxious, clung to my wrist that was holding his cheek.053087aa4f205432

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“You’ll stay with me, right?”217acc1a14783db9

The corner of my 265c17ad32 mouth twitched.490943cd8fad932f

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“Of course. Don’t worry. I can protect you. Everything will be fine as long as you do as I say.”bdc26390799921e7

I buried my lips c6e34de30a on the head of 648ec8799a the man who was ac8e36d031 nodding.7ad276b8cb6db2f6

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“So it would be better not to go outside anymore.”9337844165268c40

A pleasant 4feb2b128c fragrance wafts 3152a2610e through his 016373b4c7 soft hair.1b78ac3615ec6586

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“You’re going to be here forever. With me.”f105cc2cab4cf057

I waited with a fluttering heart for the man’s red lips to open.808f34f4fb53e6d0

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“I will be here with you forever.”ca50917a3ef373f7

I was full with satisfaction. I pulled the man’s head into my embrace. How could I not lock up this poor monster, who naively vows to look only at me forever, from the dangerous world.df14749bfcf30696

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∞ ∞ ∞697a284b8202b4ec

The sky, which had been gloomy since morning, poured down rain as night fell. It had been about a month since I had brought the man home, but I was worried because I had never been this late coming home before. My senses, thanks to the continuous shots of alcohol I had been forced to drink at the company dinner at Manager Go’s insistence, were as loose as if submerged in water, contrary to my urgent heart. My steps, as I stepped out of the smelly barbecue restaurant, staggered as if I had fallen into a mud puddle.290d181c77706625

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“Oh, Mr. Kim! Are you okay?”f9a1a8df9087e0de

The one 9b2317a3b9 who grabbed c2e12b91cd my arm a2d972e45f was Assistant e336d9a3c6 Manager Ye.836cd631a266d060

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Such a pitiful person. Why someone like me… No, am I in any position to pity someone else?a127beb4c8095c1c

I put strength in my legs and checked my wristwatch. It was well past midnight. I regretted not having thought to get the man a cell phone in advance. Moreover, the task of getting home through the pouring rain with a body that wouldn’t listen to me seemed daunting.9d83407f84733be5

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“I’ll get you a taxi.”c7c8665e62620fc6

Assistant Manager Ye opens a small three-fold umbrella. Since I didn’t have an umbrella, I shamelessly went under Assistant Manager Ye’s umbrella.31f5e67b2e40e698

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“I’ll be in your debt. I’m sorry.”7a074b1641328a63

Assistant Manager Ye’s voice was hard to hear, mixed with the sound of the rain and the noise of the street. My ears were ringing, and my consciousness flickered like a candle in the wind, moving far away and then close again. A thought that had been flowing without order inadvertently slipped out of my mouth.a12adf32e3444ea4

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“Assistant Manager Ye… what do you like about me.”ce597aa7f6241aa6

“Excuse me…?”f3639f7ee06a3c52

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“I don’t think I’ve done anything special for you.”e1299cf59d409ab1

“Mr… Mr. Kim… you’re a good person.”5f2aa764f91daf3b

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I could see a181bb9b42 the top of f84591f01d a small head b0a8697490 staring only at b984a9b9f4 the ground. Assistant Manager 48604b29c4 Ye had a04703c8d4 only seen 317f40778e the side a912f07e4a of me 06964791df that I 5d7bf453ab had allowed. I felt c3a4036006 pathetic for 1d67cace77 Assistant Manager 77943a9756 Ye, who 759c7dd8fc had developed 5df5b62b82 a liking 31b262a41e for me b453ad326a from such e9400ea7c9 a small 747ce9bb0c amount of 427b905b2e kindness, and 7faa5d8523 at the b1de6678f9 same time, 278493dc3e I felt 170f7a1d1f a strange b8da94dbf5 sense of baaf86a239 kinship.0c234a0dae70b2b1

“I’m not a good person. If you get to know all of me, you’ll definitely regret it.”bd5855cdbb5f1af1

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「That woman 6abba49b24 will change c98d49f550 her mind 84150f38bd too if ee1ea18c90 she gets 95dd81662c to know a3a117dffa you.」1e3aeb9219be43f9

Of all aed78a0c60 the curses afdffd01b9 my dead 96be594544 lover had 750596a5c4 thrown at 9bf049d74f me, only 5214aed79f that one 641850961a was true. So this was f56df27e0f the best consideration ab9ea68d92 I could give 403618c6b6 to Assistant Manager 155be20cd4 Ye.1e10a37747a691ed

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“You don’t have to know everything to like someone.”d1f4cdd54eda5fbd

Contrary to the voice that followed, articulating each word as if in protest, Assistant Manager Ye couldn’t look at me, and I was at a loss for words. Assistant Manager Ye’s answer was stuck between my throat and chest like a lump swallowed wrong. Out of a petty sense of defiance, the words ‘I’m gay’ rose to the tip of my tongue. I had the stubborn urge to deny Assistant Manager Ye’s words even by saying that, but in the end, I couldn’t deny those words. Because I myself was crazy about a man of unknown identity.590e17b41b5a4efd

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When I came to my senses, my body was sprawled in the back seat of a taxi. The cool, dry air from the air conditioner was similar to the man’s body temperature. Perhaps because of the alcohol, a thirst came over me. I licked my dry lips and loosened my tie, and a weary sigh escaped. Receiving the man’s greetings at the beginning and end of the day had become as necessary as breathing. I wanted to see the man quickly. I wanted to kiss him to my heart’s content, even if the kisses ended tantalizingly.4afef39550b01018

I had only e38a6774b1 walked a short d9645aec5d distance from the a4f69afa88 taxi to the c7563651fd apartment entrance, but f1afade8ae my whole body c7efba2f70 was soaked in 58c6694d60 the torrential downpour. My body, which had 7df6e4b2a8 been lukewarmly heated, cooled 9752f8b099 down from the drenching f92556f211 of cold water, and 39a5b7f8b2 my teeth chattered. Looking in the 3d55842704 mirror in the a81e5daf16 elevator, I looked 9b9a6f6bd5 like nothing less 251c9e9128 than a drowned d5afe35cb7 rat. I was df58e4ca0f sticky and 60f79bed83 anxious, but 9447a70b26 it took ef740065be quite a 8197ebf6ee while for c24d4c1744 the slow-as-molasses 639047272a elevator to 2dd61f52bf get to c6b0e0a2e4 the 30th 5656ab19e1 floor.bbe98874e3180ded

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Leaning my head against the mirror, I let my drunken consciousness drift. I want to take a shower with warm water. Is the man sleeping? He’s probably waiting. I’ll have to feed the man soon… I’ll think about it tomorrow. I’m too tired today.cc117d9e0cbdf0b8

Rumble!3911bc1dd5c9ce44

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My consciousness, which was 4f74ad99e9 about to doze off, cdb6083cd3 was jolted by the e6e5d66907 sound of thunder. The elevator lights flickered d7b0a64e85 and then went out cc40cfb400 with a thud. Fortunately, the elevator, which d03dc15d77 switched to emergency power, 6302b35f14 arrived safely at the f0df51f9f1 30th floor. The power in 36c89db004 the entire apartment 8e237aaa5b complex seemed to bf184cb9c7 have gone out, abd7a695b6 and instead of 26f4ebed94 the sensor lights, 54c691804b only the green f1143e82b1 emergency lights were 35712537c8 bright in the b9f4098fe6 hallway.8b2e01f0a2d1c500

Worried about the man e56b7ba09f who must have been 5bd150fd21 startled by the sudden ab37258fa5 power outage, I urgently 5e1a610c87 pressed the password for d6c9c5e4ff the door lock. My hand, wet 07ff88648f with rainwater, slipped, df248e75f2 and the lock f28c7f2fb8 was released only 170a195139 on the third 9f72e0137a try.8da55e65ed83cbf2

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“Nabi! Are you okay?!”b1aad17ced26acd6

The inside of baa95487f2 the house was 9ccd9b09ee pitch black. Narrowing my eyes, d37c3b197d which were not 0941b33fb4 yet accustomed to 311b3f46b4 the darkness, I 1948d350db looked around the 3cb4a4ce0f living room filled 32abf9de43 only with the c0b6d3abae sound of rain, fd3cb97149 and with another 553cd308d2 flash of lightning, 8ae7d8c757 the living room 563bc6c809 was brightly lit feaebb5542 for a short 3dcce1a7c8 moment. The man was standing 4c6132ba93 in the middle of 9414b0f7c1 the living room. I was startled by 55a4698943 the figure that had c1fdab7dde suddenly appeared and disappeared, 68acbc162c and I clutched my 281c896f67 chest.78b9fd10225d6737

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“You should answer if you’re here. You scared me.”bd9ac76b764d85e7

The man approached me silently, who hadn’t even taken off my shoes yet. Is it because of the sound of the rain? I can’t even feel his footsteps. I want to see the man’s face, but everything about the man is buried in darkness. I can only feel that the approaching presence is looking down on me intimidatingly.0cafb52f3cb5dfa3

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“Why… what’s wrong? Were you scared because the power suddenly went out?”89355a5e3acb3e85

“You’re wet.”274b74813c9105cc

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The voice, whispering f862237bdd softly, is low 19f10f0f54 and rough, unlike efe8e220d0 usual. Something was different. The unique 28a36c75e6 body odor 18aa389a97 emanating from ff8da000f4 the man 1b5dfd0f23 felt like 149b158290 it was 00ef7a754a pressing down 0ea8d5fa71 on my 879ee03169 skin. Goosebumps rose 68d7e8b2ed on my 9b085c1547 wet skin, 037ba8dc4d and the 4790a12a7c tension pulling 76da387e85 at my 38856b4f8a lower abdomen 25037c0bf6 made my aba00d55ca words trail e4199c7549 off on c86117f586 their own.a90cfa3b77866040

“Yeah. A little…”618b159c8eda6faf

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The man’s hand fumbles over my chest, which is covered only by a shirt. The man’s finger brushes against my nipple, which has become erect from the cold, over the thin fabric that is clinging to me from being soaking wet.e537706a03a1c8c8

“Hnngh.”4a86c90eac466c6a

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An involuntary, strange moan escaped. It was the first time the man had touched me in this way. Before I could grasp the man’s intention, a huge shadow fell over me. A strong force snatched my waist and pulled me in, and a mushy tongue pushed its way between my crushed lips.7c8f2a6df2a9fa66

“Mmm, mph!”1afefe04898d7039

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Panicked by his devouring b9ff773705 momentum, I struggled to d6b7ba3ab9 get away from the 13446efb80 man. The man 13d7abc51d was as 24598f08a4 unmoving as 71001a9a44 a rock. The transformed ec80abc754 man relentlessly 28c0ec5282 pushed me. I was 57b9ba8ac5 scared my fa42e5951a back, bent 347e6a828e backward, would 343b4ca9b5 break. I was d0c80f1abc pushed back c979ad8c38 helplessly until 5448a50d1a I bumped 97896adfc1 my waist ad269ad741 against some 592a42873a corner. Fumbling behind me, I b2b2223e23 found it was the ecec490129 shoe cabinet.e783dd7a8239093f

The place was the entryway, and I was soaking wet from the rain and hadn’t even taken off my shoes. But the man didn’t seem to care about the place. For my part, all I could do was barely hold on against the man’s strength. As soon as I found my balance, the man’s thigh that pushed in between pressed against my legs. As if a strong electric current had flowed through, my buttock muscles tightened, and sparks flew before my eyes.f1175f75119f3435

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“Mmm, ah…!”b48d446b283edf0b

Only after a eb20fb7e59 suppressed moan burst e986a5f1e7 out did our 175a0d16b0 lips part. The black eyes that 6328019880 met me up close 0a3a95b6f6 stared at me as 5cb711f3fd if they would eat 3d1d1e35e3 me. But it was different 806f1f4517 from the gaze of a51a26996e looking at prey. I, who 0916b63931 had watched 214d522c49 his meals, f81ae66ed5 could tell.73c5f9fd16d393c2

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Panting heavily, I tried to grasp the situation, but the man’s brow furrowed. With an annoyed face I had never seen before, the man brought his nose to my neck.8d3d2e40bcf74815

“You smell.”bde8f549d14b440a

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Smell? I wasn’t in the right mind to understand the mumbling voice. I was too confused by the unexpected change in the man, whose only strong desire among all human desires had been appetite. Just this morning, he had been a man with a mournful face like a sad puppy, telling me to come back quickly. Was all that gentleness a lie? I suddenly became scared.3acf4109f6340c1a

“Wait… let go of this.”82941542470ed3ac

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I pushed the man’s shoulder, but his hard body didn’t budge at all. It seemed he had no intention of listening to me anymore. The man’s lips touched my ear. The spot where his lips passed felt as if it had been burned, and my neck instinctively recoiled.8fae5e63233ef134

“I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”24cde8de7bd7d70c

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“Wh-what.”9cea9059e7b23039

I was so dumbfounded I didn’t know what to say. When I made advances, he acted like an idiot! For me, who had almost given up on contact beyond kissing, it was hard to understand the man’s current behavior. His eyes, glazed over with excitement, his lips, parted defenselessly, and as if the hard presence against my thigh wasn’t enough, the words that came out of the man’s mouth were nothing short of shocking.54c6aa588cced390

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“Let’s make a baby.”6a024b0ef2b51213

“A, a baby…?”b306c1fda8af281a

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Rumble.19954a244dd89091

The sound of 1a594bec58 thunder echoed distantly. While I was doubting 65bf8e645b my ears, the man 8c7e621d64 turned me around and, 103af0a202 with a skillful hand 700154929b even in the darkness, 982147c7cb unbuckled my belt and ae7ec3d15a took off my pants. My flustered attempts 04a319242c to stop him c86346bca5 were all in 492323d313 vain. Goosebumps rose on my f031c67f8b wet, bare skin from 1a28e2801b the cold air. Soon, those goosebumps 04e13f6fff spread to the 8c794de04c back of my 2e80acfd31 neck for a 00be48eab2 different reason. A huge 75645df3c7 pillar was 5bac378b71 rubbed between 73ee967a7a the cheeks 33186df654 of my 78ac7ad55c buttocks as ac3e757357 if it cbd24e7633 would tear 512ef64716 its way f86d869cd7 in without ce74ef85d1 any preparation. I was scared by d5ad8ef320 the momentum that seemed 30a7dbffb8 like it would tear ace2ee5825 me open without any b2404a67db preparation, but my instincts, 6d4c8977e0 as if welcoming him, d68c162690 tightened my buttocks.fabc19e018ad7241

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“W-wait!”5fa25930b701f02b

I pushed away the man’s pelvis, which was clinging to me, rubbing his thick cock against my crotch. But the more I pushed, the more he pressed his body against me, and the man rested his chin on my shoulder. A cool hand wraps around my half-erect penis. My head drooped forward.93612aa752293ffd

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“Mmph.”a2f5f165bf675a0a

“I know everything. You wanted this too.”14324a21c3332800

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He was saying 9c8a513f2c that he remembered c08fec334e all my shameful 176c9f87ed behavior from before. A belated 2fc1b8ddbb sense of c1666de557 shame welled 9060dde740 up, but c6496e54da my partner c60ea490e8 was a 666efb351d man who d917712afb would accept 6f27e42357 my desires d731e01a61 as they d95fbfe9b6 were. The reason dbae824618 I barely 168487c850 held onto 35c2febaba the rationality cc92b1ee6c I wanted 32a98dd72e to throw 94d6060a8a away and 0d87592625 break down 5936bfbb54 was simple. There was no way 343cacffb1 I could take that f69736301e big thing without lubricant 21432063a3 or a condom. There was also 0fd073a592 no way the 78db5a7642 man, who until 3073fdccb7 yesterday seemed to 208ae39d66 have a penis f8c9604f83 just to have 2c44609602 the appearance of da503b374a a human, would 0df4abded0 know how to 6400716686 take his time 06ed0ae1c6 to open me 720e7d6eac up.9f2e5bd7438471dc

“Not, not now. Let’s do it next time. Okay?”edc2810540ecfb39

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The man, who I aab93ed520 thought would quietly obey 4fd8bb15ae me as always, instead 821e9a18fd of moving away, shook 49248467fa his hips as if 2f2bb441bf he were thrusting and 71d3fe683a rubbed his wet penis e4afa425bc between my buttocks.a350078b291cf3ed

“Ah… h-don’t.”bd0788c479f4d396

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I thought 48b0bbc956 I would 7e2cb9a60b lose my 18c5021ea0 mind at dc11cac430 the blatant 7ebc9b0181 stimulation.6d277d365bd403a5

“Why not now?”85b751027ca5f157

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I, too, let 0b59b5e0b2 out a regretful cf06ae711f sigh at his 64a243dc0f desperate voice. I, too, wanted aa2a5de566 to do it 067d3f564c like crazy.d0a8c8fc3664bc59

“Hah… there’s nothing, hnngh… to get wet with.”654d046aa75e0ba3

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“Ah…”6a9ef99ddb72ed70

Did he understand? The man, who sighed f9df2393d3 subtly, finally moved away 5d88d73ba1 from me. With relief, my ba18d3356a tension eased, and d1afec1ed9 I draped my 3781f404be upper body over 0b1f54e3f8 the shoe cabinet. The energy drained 54467e4b2c from my already 210f9753b2 tired body. But the 7692481b12 presence of 36bd7d4c5c the man e7b770be02 behind me ddaee3bf4b was still 60cf9100d8 there. As I was about eb00fbcac8 to turn around in f38636eee2 anxiety, a force pulled 884b0e6ad5 my waist back, and 38c15b300b I fell forward, hitting 087e8a6c7e my forehead on the 5fb9c702af back of my hand.84233fa4f8d205d0

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“Ah!”82c66730c91f6b93

Forced into a position with my buttocks sticking out, my vision was filled with my pants, which had been carelessly taken off and were hanging around my ankles, and the man’s two knees. I couldn’t close my legs because of the man’s knees, which were kneeling between my spread feet. My face flushed at the thought of the place that must be completely exposed.6822ce8fcca44cc8

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“Wh-what are you doing! Aah.”062cedfcf0fdf690

My buttocks, grabbed by a large hand, were spread apart, and a hot sensation licked its way up from my perineum to the hole. The raw sensation that climbed up my tailbone hit the back of my head. My mind went white from the lewd caress I had never experienced before, and I couldn’t think of anything, just trembled and covered my mouth. The feeling of his sharp nose bridge being mashed against my buttocks was as vivid as if I could see it.96574a5b23de2412

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