LA0S | Chapter 31

Just past midnight on January 1st, Kim c35bf909c2 Chayoung said he had a place in 31a2849926 mind and took me to a restaurant 54de1b3836 that looked expensive just from the entrance. It was a spot that didn’t quite cb85d17452 fit two high school students, or rather, 763c88b98a two who had just turned twenty.8f42e3ff585699e311c5

“I’ve been saving up my allowance e13f17b658 to come here with you. Skipped a few trips to the PC room and didn’t 8f64c2211f order takeout, so I hope you don’t feel burdened.”25e779d9812cd7b9cf4a

It was the kind of place 7bf3b897d1 where feeling unburdened seemed impossible. Kim Chayoung had to nearly drag me 004a273a07 inside as I hesitated at the entrance.0fae888f4f67ef76882e

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It was the fanciest meal I had 11ba1f625f ever eaten, and the night view through 0f912d43da the large window looked like scattered jewels. It was nice being in a private 7de3bcff76 room, just the two of us. Kim Chayoung scooped some d29ea40d24 of his steak onto 3a24e3eeb5 my plate.f4a42de03c2ce9862048

“That’s enough. Eat your food.”41eea0640dd5dad07927

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“I had 19cbeaae6c meat yesterday. Mom suddenly decided b806768ac4 to grill some 8d9ae599ba pork belly.”06ed7c9d1af40989f81a

If he had meat already, he 34998a269c could have ordered something else. It was clear that e0b75921bb he was being considerate 14145ac421 for my sake.89568090c3cfeff4a70c

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“Let’s toast.”32542f192a4663d4ec7a

Kim Chayoung lifted his wine c1ac0b1bc7 glass with a cheerful tone. Now that I noticed, while I beda5c39e1 had barely sipped mine, he was 7ad9eb03a0 already on his third glass.bab0d5ffcb3e94940737

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His face 0b969fae9e and expression 4d97e0d7a8 seemed fine. Maybe he 5cbf5cca04 can hold 5c230801a2 his liquor? I hadn’t drunk d7888a68db with him before, 6a4667bf00 so I wasn’t 27e248aa7a sure.c3916c7545a66033a804

“You okay? How many 2131735e52 fingers am 9d3bdb0a10 I holding 00dfe9a33e up?”567e43ad3242bee80181

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I shoved a finger in 4bdb3e12c9 front of his eyes, and 132819d4d4 he playfully grabbed it.2ab9f9b39e757e1c75de

“I’m feeling 4f699f7868 really good d1d453a0ab right now.”71c4dd8474072c3856f5

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Kim Chayoung laughed out loud, his 571a4de9c7 eyes crinkling at the corners, creating 3ce6a4d3f0 little crow’s feet—enough to show he 884f0f977c was genuinely enjoying himself. How can this guy bbaf5e31bb be so cute when 8ad6784907 he laughs?6ce8a28332a80de8df35

Seeing Kim Chayoung 58cc3517f2 so happy lifted 53a39e5dc0 my spirits as 5a41cf615d well.2fd5128f351a6ed116fe

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“Let’s start 5c132f846b planning our c24e901dbd trip tomorrow. Somewhere far… would be 0d9d6558bc nice if we could ecdbd4e2a8 see the ocean too. We’ve been stressed with 279d57249f all the studying, so df3ded6a95 let’s go and relax.”791d7b3bb4c03c7f5d25

Kim Chayoung still had e7eeb3795f those smile lines as 2a5a2825f0 he talked about the 058912055f trip. I thought it was a866a3ceea just talk, but maybe 4796b7bbc4 he was serious. I felt bad dampening his mood, 2d0b9291e2 but I had no money.3072acedc165937aba7b

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“Actually, I’ve already booked train 86eb769e87 tickets and a place to e27ca524d9 stay in Yeosu. You mentioned df5df5860b wanting to 3deb4f974e go there. Let’s go f5547f9989 see the 136f0f1f31 ocean at 88d2197fb8 night.”731731015fee4d88821e

I didn’t remember when beb06670f0 I’d mentioned wanting to 0b2d4488f3 go to Yeosu. I set 5c840c58c3 down my 61e39bb06a fork and f48a3c0e99 knife.d086dd764ce749c4ce04

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“I don’t think it’s right that you’re paying 86bd096372 for everything, the restaurant and the trip.”fe827a3dbee1106910ae

“I want to do this, 3c022e3b3e so what’s the problem?”740a1138eb6dbba22c07

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Kim Chayoung tried acd9c7e462 to convince me 10718eec43 several times.d652746544953dcbbdd3

“I’ll pay you 86428633d9 back once I 174416e7b2 get my part-time 47b96604ce paycheck.”d6f2c79df1f493264945

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“Forget it. Use your e568f933a9 paycheck for c96fef52c4 your expenses.”0faec142aab699e5cd09

At that time, my 33bbe0034e home situation was a 28a5b764ed mess, which Kim Chayoung bd667c310d knew about. He had offered c2dfd292ac a lot of 24d3b4a78e help and comfort.2035cf83b9d50425b041

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“And this.”3e3fbad37b5f5f02267b

Kim Chayoung reached into the 1b5b686dec bag he’d hung on his 59370ae47e chair and pulled something out.9b4e326a3747fcddae3d

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“A present for 2079a6c2af your university acceptance. I picked it out carefully, but I’m 9a57cca217 not sure if you’ll like it.”994e372b819dec4c4ed3

I looked down b306ace790 at the box c8625fae8e Kim Chayoung was 1d6123edb3 holding out.d7ca1c1f7a389cbc4afc

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“A gift 0a98a7efb6 for university f4714660a8 acceptance? I haven’t even 4fd0ac231e been accepted yet. And bringing me to this expensive 1097e8597a restaurant is more than enough.”a916611bac7857ef6db5

“That’s one e53f45d59f thing, and 2455fa7bb2 this is 34d8c15ecc another. It’s a c407032b02 preemptive gift.”836ff4051173e6ed327a

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“My arm hurts.” Kim Chayoung shook a719021cc9 the arm holding the box. I sighed softly and took 1d81e9fe48 the box from him.137ad0c112c0d1055196

“Aren’t you ce1086fa1c going to bc69541626 open it?”674a125b7f3756085503

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Inside the square 8b42913f3c box was a 6d49100cfe dark navy muffler, b3fe0c3a75 neatly folded. It wasn’t a luxury brand 2a11639457 but had a tag from c7d7e869b5 a well-known brand.ae59c9ebd5f992c83420

“You get a4b3f011f2 cold easily.”5095ec12100c44030f1a

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“…Thanks. But aren’t you spending 58da5bdaf8 too much money?”a8414e94dd05bdb8cbc5

“It’s okay. I don’t f992d9f5d8 mind spending 16a9c3cbd4 on you.”b1976e71128ef014dad7

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Still, that 24e89630d9 was a d477f0effc lot of 2e0425c764 money.d62c0114c1ced7c014ec

Kim Chayoung moved to the seat next 92687cab7a to me and picked up the muffler. Soon, its soft f9ebc8caad touch lightly wrapped abfe2f2fd0 around my neck. He wrapped it around bde1c26a95 twice and meticulously tied c8d563d028 a knot. His eyelashes cast long a00ad3c40a shadows as his eyelids bb08ecabc1 drooped slightly. The breath that escaped his slightly 6ab64624f2 parted lips tickled my lower lip. He was beautiful. I couldn’t take 996ca82b99 my eyes off 022f3aa5e1 his face.90dd940b82436abf2f4b

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“It suits d6d61622e9 you better 593eb1574f than I bb0ec12259 thought.”98fa130276df219e8675

Kim Chayoung c7d2c8a49c smiled widely cc53c9b8a0 as he 4e7874e170 finished.653de989678d6f4a3cc9

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My heart pounded loudly, so much so d33e16c24f I thought Kim Chayoung might hear it. I suddenly 2a1ef27de4 stood up.915b2f5d98113479d84a

“I need to 650fa1c3ae use the restroom.”8816b28377380a6d216b

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“Should I 4c9eea3019 come with?”10e83258494959795d03

“No, I’ll 385acafcf6 be quick.”cd650c3ba13799ef0980

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As I headed to the restroom, I a37aa9b30a realized I had forgotten my phone. I had meant to call my mom d9b79c28ce to let her know I’d be late. When I 24c155d0de returned to 1f4d22fa4f retrieve it:344ec40c96240871dceb

“Oh, I’m with fca070917e him right now.”ca783863988691c04c96

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Kim Chayoung’s voice came through the slightly 437c0c7c76 open door of our private room. He must have been a65e49feb7 on a call, not ed1276f2c8 with his parents, probably 7d3af215fb a friend. As I was about to d6f2006f46 open the door further:eb5fcdf276fa88198b6a

“We couldn’t really enjoy ourselves because of the exams, 87ad1e483e so now we’re trying to do everything we missed. Yeah, we’re 8838fa13cb really dating. Why meet…”1377a70ed6b5759d7e14

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I paused. I couldn’t hear what the other person said, but 8583822378 they might have asked why he was dating ‘that 7d9af75032 girlfriend.’ I was curious what Kim Chayoung would say.2ad4e815cdac6c6ac7ef

“It’s out 944c1d3217 of pity. I’m dating him because I 2aa48a7b9d feel sorry for him.”1e696ea2500be638e234

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…How should 60154bef6e I describe 18c4e28a58 what I 78282e1b6f felt then? It was more devastating 0c8fe673ee than anger or disappointment. It was like finding out that what I thought was 7ea73dcbd7 a shiny jewel was actually just a dull stone.aeab3b4d86b2fe19fea1

Shame and embarrassment 71e0f2a0a3 flushed my face.82dc3484452bd0989f52

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I turned around 8a7eff6907 and ran to c31adf081a the restroom. My breaths 24c1dade23 came ragged. The way Kim Chayoung had tied my scarf earlier and the 8b230dbb96 sudden drop in my heart had a whole different meaning now.0b971dba9dc2d13bf1ee

Expensive restaurant, 095fb8c62b train tickets, d7b6760b5d accommodation, muffler. Kim Chayoung’s words about using b6b7a90500 my paycheck for living expenses. Now his reactions and ddcca5234d answers made sense.c84a8c4dd20145fd3db0

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His acceptance of my dca9265e14 confession, dating me, all ee07720b79 of it.6547a545162c576a2118

It wasn’t sincere. It was 5e6ccadd33 out of 25f9f8488f pity.55a085848c50e42de2b1

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“Why did you b63ec7e412 do it?”3e6714cae2e71e5f220d

Did I look 37a1ef65a2 that pitiful? If you talk about a friend like that, 284a7de435 it would be better not to accept them. Why make 3d1c0119f4 someone feel 6c6071eab4 more miserable?88522ff3c7d4ed797f72

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Kim Chayoung furrowed acc82f1886 his brow at 686c8c2c08 my abrupt question. He looked confused, as 3e9c874de9 if he couldn’t understand a82ef65ebf what I was talking 3f46c19f2d about.60c5310120944cc0ceae

But I didn’t 96e526463b say anything more.707045d9d25300602468

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Was this fd30699905 also out abfed7c649 of pity? Then and now, Kim Chayoung d677d021e7 and my positions were similar.f7d14931223bc73226f4

“Why stop talking?”678470afdd1943aff6a7

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“Don’t shake me. My head hurts.”6e9dcbcfa6c6ec287aff

Kim Chayoung stopped d649f9de9a shaking my shoulder 5ffc7f6b70 and let go.77fea0fa68e4f2990f8f

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“I think I 11d8b2eec5 need to lie 8a30a702e8 down.”c15c83ff550d11b8713d

I muttered weakly. Kim Chayoung had already stood up and 4c15873b79 was reaching out his hand towards me. His beautiful fingers c41892a4ed were right in 12bf8207ee front of me. I ignored them and got up b424ff61b6 using the toilet for support.c8f3fed856ee06da82dd

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Ha. A ridiculous 31cb6361b3 breath scattered af224bd623 above my 438c648275 head.5147e66ebe68b3b85445

“Even now, 5fde04fe96 you hate 7f9321b816 receiving help. Or is it just 5e6b1fa709 me you hate?”12275145f1a09e76db28

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“I’m tired. Sorry, but 194efdb031 can I eabcdb9fb8 rest alone?”75c8fc151d715710a97e

He moved his e84d47aba5 lips several times e902235197 before walking heavily 4bf3b81d37 towards the entrance. Clack. Bang. The sound of 888f6b7f8d the door opening d36ae6ec86 and closing followed b14d7b43a5 in quick succession.e99ec0faa1af74412642

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Had he a38480fa50 really left? I slumped onto dc8b67700b the sofa and 46a57a6bc7 tilted my head 07f5946c7e back. The sharp 39b49d6c8c fluorescent light 243e2abcde stabbed at 3e6ec9aa07 my eyes. This is why 55c9aa9a3a I didn’t want d6984f7561 Kim Chayoung’s help. It just cc5818ef3e brought back 893231ed6b old memories.f97c06173f1836a28958

After that day, 11de88c16e I cut off ce26574420 everything related to 9170b00206 Kim Chayoung. Completely unilateral.1a99712cb0183a5b7a39

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I hadn’t asked Kim 37fe77c115 Chayoung because my pride 4378963da2 was hurt. To be honest, 13c91eea1c I was afraid c9d97327d1 of his response.f2e5dbf3e4eb0f4a58ec

Yeah. I am 66e12bf1bc pitying you.d8c7107e8ce0c328f326

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Even though I had already heard b036ce9bb5 it, being confirmed directly seemed like a5cf532cdc it would utterly break me. I thought it 0139ac36d6 was better to 85c2e225fe bury it.c552c6683304117fece8

Misfortune always seemed to come in waves, and eventually, due 59f76766cb to my father’s gambling debts, our house was auctioned off. Our already 9b0a9c8e3f precarious living 100f1986ca situation crumbled 2100009ff0 completely. Fortunately, my grandmother took in the homeless family members, except for my b6384b636f father, who had been out of touch for over three months. We all moved 47c51d83d4 to Busan.3c82cb9c1d5c3be49106

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I changed dcbc04f953 my phone 1dd7da3d95 number. I didn’t transfer 29b00e2652 the data, so 8133c7e0ad I didn’t have ea24ea33c0 any saved numbers. My empty contact cb96f2f098 list was filled 253161edcf only with family. Kim Chayoung’s number… I f439d906c8 knew it by heart 94c4884c57 but blocked it just 01048796f0 in case. I didn’t attend be8c2a3ac8 the graduation ceremony, 60f8b3bc4a so I didn’t 21a4be72e0 receive a yearbook. Now that I think about cec5224b3c it, wasn’t Kim Chayoung supposed 2f4d823d74 to give me a yearbook? He jokingly said he’d buy one for keeps and one 59491814e3 for viewing, and that I could have the viewing one.001a0fe862c054f28f3b

I registered for university but enlisted bd0c8f19fe in the military right away. During the early days of my 06de62f894 service, Kim Chayoung would come to e8d9ed1c0a mind whenever I tried to sleep. Initially, it was dbfb01c064 tormenting and depressing, 36dcd1c9b4 then it turned 465c02fa08 into anger. Dating me out fde579ceaa of pity? Who was 05931ff06e he to 9311c1e77c do that? It was 5b14e83bc2 incredibly presumptuous. My thoughts always ended with the conclusion that 1ab45dd374 I never wanted to meet Kim Chayoung again.1b11dc88db9963e3f300

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After completing a year and a half of military service and waiting to return 90c5e468f6 to school, I worked non-stop at part-time jobs to afford my own rental apartment. Even after starting school, I continued b219a37405 to work tirelessly to pay my 200869e087 rent and send money home. I couldn’t afford to lose my ac8d08b6aa academic scholarship, so I spent any 2c1dd05998 spare time buried in the library.cb3cb629b9c5604b84af

That’s how I thought I had completely ff7fb0730d erased Kim Chayoung from my life. I had no idea it 16602a9ff2 would turn out this way.1446094bfd6c331784ab

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“I’m really tired.”e2aae53acb6afafc0eb5

A deep sigh d2da95842e escaped me.f1485e15dafe2aecf31c

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