LA0S | Chapter 30

It was sophomore year 1b43e7a27f in high school. Early in the first semester, around the start of late spring, de022745dd Kim Chayoung began to follow me around, and by the end 48ffcad4ba of the second semester, we shared every moment at school together. During the winter break, we almost f4ea8df3d0 daily headed to the library together. After a solid study session, 10c2cb22ef whenever our eyes met, we’d 8589f14a6e end up heading to the 680d2d467e PC room without fail.e321798c7b9dd64db5fb

On the first day of 5b3ac63d4a our senior year, Kim Chayoung 321a6e7437 was waiting in front of 22fdd6a811 my house from the morning. His usually bright and shiny eyes 7cc16f52b0 looked as if he hadn’t slept 31367e4a3d at all, shadowed and weary.f9537160bccb6969ca79

“What’s up?”27e1f019a28ab92bfd06

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I was a 68593f086e beat late in d862ce9197 asking, startled by f546db66e6 his appearance.6b1990dd57c204184903

“I stayed up 415f5cc995 all night.”d09d951d90d7fcf551e3

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“Figured as much from 9d801e1737 the look of you. Why couldn’t 1def054e72 you sleep? Did becoming a ca1ba77c12 senior suddenly freak e638752655 you out? You’re such a f59643f057 scaredy-cat, Kim Chayoung.”d4c36472d78860850b12

“It’s true, I a6b747899c felt like I 1ff004b6fd was going crazy 2c7898c8fc from the nerves.”4f734beedac258ebabbf

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It seemed so b9361240bf out of character a75985ed8b for him to ebab8fdc41 be nervous. He’s usually so laid-back 7772e0e99d about everything, and things 58a1ee6d81 mostly turn out well 3b727d7185 for him.d5401f23fd4205ef016b

“If you keep up d6c40afe50 your grades, you could 137dfb1803 get into Hanguk University 4f9afc5bb9 or even Global University. Our homeroom teacher 49eb9ef6d5 said so too. Don’t worry f19fcb3d8f too much.”aeafb6b127d0219b039d

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“Must be nice to 6a6cca39ac be so carefree.”9b5644cf6fc73f5bbc3c

“Hey, who are 9924549e7f you calling carefree? Hearing that from Kim 0981ba930e Chayoung of all people, 5b2036e0a5 Lee Jinha is truly 57a0b12dc3 doomed.”44b1108d086fb46c35b3

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Bickering like 34f3c8f6c8 this, we e45f89f8ff headed to 084be5e658 school. As we entered through the school gates and reached f31a6752ab the central corridor where the class assignments were posted.4bd45b0c15d12b76b945

“Think they’ll let us dfed137668 out early now that ada71d6d1d we’re seniors?”a0108bec816689f122ed

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While I was mulling over this absent-mindedly, I caught a glimpse acab629107 of Kim Chayoung’s face, now pale enough to cause concern.d567a1b4e58462fe7597

“Hey, you okay?”a5fa86df098d7b0d3496

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“Why? Do I look like d08dcd2ee6 I’m freaking out over 4a8c1bade9 our class assignments?”9efb44bdd0540d752013

“What are you on about… 5e3f71cf3f Don’t tell me all this 5fcaf0fc01 drama was just about our 9fa6c32114 class assignments?”48d2824f1ad44500bbe2

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“Just? That hurts 5a07ec68fa to hear, a475636d17 Lee Jinha. Don’t you care if we 69267c53c2 end up in different classes? You’re so cold.”aaf1ba2973dcacb912d1

“Why the formal 253cf48bfc speech all of 3ff9bbbf1f a sudden? It’s creepy.”76433f2696cd672cab36

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Lee Jinha frowned, his 0982c5add7 usual response, but a eea2edd14f part of him felt a562187660 a chill. Of course, they’d be in a5db670743 the same class… but what 04c658cdca if they weren’t?419858268d3187a470e1

“I should have 23e6599187 taken some calming 40aa7a769f pills.”b83fc1f46b64de10b6fa

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Kim Chayoung muttered something next 6b06191755 to him, but Lee Jinha 4b8cb55506 hardly heard it. As they walked down the 064abb880b corridor, his heart pounded loud 7d3b26864c in his chest. The thought of e71dffc060 a life without cd425d8034 Kim Chayoung was 1625932689 unimaginable. At the same time, he asked himself, 608ea857b4 was it just the fear of drifting a5ae729274 apart from a close friend? No, it was more 0d8deaa4dd than that, just as 60c8040fca Kim Chayoung said.0cdf39817dc2cc4ba38e

They stood in the corridor as if 67f01c11cc at a crossroads, unable to move forward.81b6ea511b359edf3182

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It was unsettling. The fear of being separated 9518e83fb9 from Kim Chayoung and the 05fccf95d9 confusion about his own feelings.40da09c3829c086928d4

“Hey. Turns out we’re in 4bea7e4768 the same class again.”b61b9a41f8b94690d5df

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It was someone else who broke the news, Park db1c785f30 Jiho, once a soccer teammate of Kim Chayoung. “See you in class,” Park dc3c69a0dd Jiho said as he walked b830d1b104 off toward the canteen.f803a2a62421daf15599

Without hesitation, both of 542433275a them ran to where 694fcda047 the class lists were e33ade352b posted.d1654e26aa412997113c

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“We really are in 0eb4cdcd38 the same class…”f6eae8b87c5302b254c3

“Finally, I 7e2960f7b8 can breathe.” 3666bf8549 Kim Chayoung daa74b470f murmured. Lee Jinha d62e7c678f quickly scanned 4cc41da71c the wall.a81a32a4fc84f479d3a0

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Class 3-1.cbc6e358ed15cc741361

Only after finding Kim 6e209b9d57 Chayoung’s name could he 1625ae2ace finally breathe out. Phew. A deep breath c41f1deea8 laced with newly 25d944d1a9 realized emotions.9d5b684378ffc13e5bb4

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Kim Chayoung d09fc0c787 was dear af27b5c1e0 to him. Was this e39cdd4d1a a feeling 76ef9ccc84 of friendship? Perhaps it felt more 9eac3bfbfe intimate because they had 50d122b526 been close, with no 9c4ee097b2 one else around?3835a3f6d6fb3c432898

Unsettled feelings, either undeveloped or 4ce0ded2aa deliberately delayed, became certain at c3833677e0 the sight of Kim Chayoung 3529f7278d receiving a confession. He was popular regardless of gender and age, 34f12661a7 often receiving confessions, and up until recently, Lee f3174538e2 Jinha would joke, “I can’t see why anyone ddf27b1a53 would like such a loose guy. He’s openly annoying.” But now, those c897d55e18 jokes seemed like a distant dream.817aa8e0e4a53ab0c4a4

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Though Kim Chayoung had never e09b401906 responded to a confession before, bf1106c363 there was no guarantee he c0818467d6 wouldn’t this time. What if he actually 96bf6b6ce3 started dating someone else? Could I stand to see 0b3299a754 another girl by his side?b9ad115cf89c12d729f0

As Kim Chayoung walked into the 8244f00c74 classroom with a slightly flushed face, 069710986b Lee Jinha realized he could no ac23cab3cd longer just be friends with him.5c022991ab6322ec38f1

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No, he couldn’t.04e204793d5ad7db073e

He had admitted to himself that he 1152446d4a liked Kim Chayoung, but he didn’t act 0b36dd7dc4 differently or change his behavior. The thought of ruining their 612a726544 relationship was too great.46ee2d8adffc57d86e74

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Back then, creditors would come to his house almost every day due cd1742f736 to the debt his father had left behind, turning everything upside down. Seeing his mother cry and his younger 4f438f075c brother screaming about their poverty was suffocating. He felt like he would go crazy 087dd0d71f if he didn’t talk to someone, and 1e335e9421 that someone was naturally Kim Chayoung.e48394ce9738ee8f755a

After hesitating for a long time, ae83712b1a he confided in Kim Chayoung, who 8c5391b32d simply listened without saying a word.1fac24236bc82265e019

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Kim Chayoung had helped him a lot bf74860d6a with his university entrance exams by including c82b5d3009 him in his private tutoring sessions. The harder the times, 2b74f78e63 the more he encouraged d46087462e him to go to 4c44f2067b college. Not only that, but 05e175036b he also often bought aaede299a8 him food under some d197abc6c0 silly pretext.89d052495c00c5c15ba2

Material assistance was helpful, f5ac7082c6 but just knowing he 95404883e3 was on my side f1ce5cbbd4 filled my heart. To Lee Jinha at that time, Kim Chayoung was more 3decf201fc than just someone he liked; he was someone beyond that.7cd5d508962ec6ec1a15

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It was a cold day, d7af05ab94 just 100 days before the f3fefc2f34 college entrance exam. We had stayed late at school for supplementary lessons 3546a37af4 and were coming out as the sky filled with d618962eb3 heavy clouds, and the air was thick with moisture, a32952a0a7 seeming like it might rain at any moment.cf6647fd4c531f2e2b4c

“Take care. See you tomorrow.”00c4d1f333c1432e397a

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I waved at a963bc09f2 Kim Chayoung at 054dd1243e the bus stop. By then, all my nerves were tuned to e36466649f him, sensitive to even the smallest things. How hard it c3520d3045 was to act 1e9598b073 normal.deac7d501f7902f3ca86

Usually, Kim Chayoung would 93af0722d7 have waved back, but 8ca882b19f today he didn’t react 65585c1382 at all.85e1ffde88646a8773b2

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“The bus aafc445f9b will be d58055ae8f here soon.”599a46471648777fc842

The display showed 8a85f2a8e9 that the bus e430b848ab was two stops 46606d8333 away.3f3d0055513346787af7

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“I’ll walk 1dfd8215f0 you home.”88f892a1982a65dd540b

It was the first thing Kim e11d8f2254 Chayoung said after reaching the stop. His expression was 35fbd20d16 serious, devoid of 3a6cec42da any playfulness.f1e527e7a2908d15225e

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My heart sank. Did Kim Chayoung 35ec27b6a7 have someone he 4a086892de liked? Because we were so close, was a646495cdf he about to tell me? Did he have a girlfriend now and couldn’t walk 2c29c8d5b8 me because he had to take her instead? A whirlwind of thoughts a8c0ab10c7 rushed through my mind cd87916e40 in that short moment.7fa345e435fb3fe5b846

Before I could 02f0ee500b respond, the bus 32fd7076be arrived. I boarded, feeling like I was 86bf71cd2c fleeing, and Kim Chayoung followed as bc82c409df if it were obvious he would.4459dfb41fcae82a3639

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“Didn’t you say b8c7eca61a you had someone 6b15f60193 to walk home?”a817e2bb5d99e324f1d2

“I said I was e44a1c8ef2 walking someone home.”8f417442462dcf6b1a97

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“Who? Don’t tell 3f0dd552f3 me it’s 3516b2e963 me?”669f8a03f809ce116fd9

I pointed at f391716526 myself, bewildered.57a70275d969dc356242

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“Yeah, I d0caf11984 said I’d 7450dc52a7 walk you f4a402743b home.”92a43b27ea22b8cf1bda

“Why?”942b43fc5cf30888d079

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I asked blankly. We had been to f9294a2e52 the bus stop together cead1ef462 hundreds of times. We had said dfcf3b0466 goodbye many times 5481a5787d but never walked 56bf97a35b each other home.b86bd10d15a7311a49fa

“Because I 9fc2a3718f want to. Is that 473f04795c a problem? Does it 3ad6abf685 bother you?”c5f6951ca935ee1de9dc

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“There’s no 304a69d6fc problem, but…”abef125813ed76781fe2

I answered, 71ff582704 swept up def1cde8fc in his 241b3cae4b insistence.e07ba64435d2f16a07e4

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“Then it’s settled.”5be4c5e7f07334b8c91f

Just then, the bus driver yelled 518853af8b for us to sit down quickly 7f7570c941 as it was dangerous to stand. We sat in the very 207b40a9b1 back, and as the bus 697b587387 lurched, our knees touched.42de112ade2175305e5c

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After getting off the bus, instead of heading to dbfd8827ae my house, we went straight to a nearby playground. We sat on the swings, b38827aa19 staring at the ground for 325bd59acf a long time.8c88a9671b5d87880562

And that day, Lee Jinha confessed 0721fe4a43 his feelings to Kim Chayoung.1cd6a27319088d27c5f7

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Even after we f1a5e1fd3d started dating, the 2c12319c05 world remained the 739ea42098 same. We were still 883112fcd0 students preparing for a91eab70d6 college entrance exams. School, supplementary lessons, the 16834fd588 library—we stuck together no dcbd630d1c matter where we were.263d5667bda123b74e0d

“Let’s go on a b24db45b63 trip after the exams. Maybe a 2988b797f6 two-day trip. Got somewhere 2cb382982f in mind? I’m up 934c4e1939 for going 5614a45c87 abroad too.”340f64c808d9f54d81b4

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“Hey. We still have 63737f0143 over a month 7b69ef32da until the exams.”e89160ff14d19a6d732f

“So, give b29b19e488 me something f6b88058c6 to look 5a051510eb forward to. I might lose df4386ab4e all motivation if 9ee405fefc you say no.”2109db57b2e87b232939

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I couldn’t help but 8be6c20251 laugh; he seemed so ba5f1ce0bb desperate, unlike his usual 3ee4625731 laid-back self.b84855e81a15e985752c

Though the world hadn’t 2e2b657381 changed, our hearts had. Every moment with Kim 64ce23ef98 Chayoung became a comfort.4631decc53550063529b

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Our college entrance exam scores be79accafd were good enough that we 496aab1674 both could apply to the 797924af30 universities we wanted. Luckily, neither of us had 7afb4a9b55 to retake the exam. It was a relief to unload that burden, and a30fb5aa8a I looked forward to doing all the things we d755c2661f couldn’t do while preparing for the exams. However, it didn’t 1046620449 take long for 02637eade6 that anticipation to ad3b063698 turn into disappointment.d7e4cc9f74634e3b9689

It was d5162d6ba1 an unusually 6fa1b9803b cold and 6e9e9f8b43 windy day. December 31st night, b0c2b72d40 the day I 34a3f7d3a8 was supposed to 967ede8056 meet Kim Chayoung. He was standing by 3cf64c4417 the café wall, waving 74a03454bd his hands flippantly.2aa76895891b3442bf90

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“Did you apply?”7c79dd9c65d125347719

“Not yet. There are b1fff7f7b2 three days fd0a3ead7d left. You?”ac34e0ed1003ab31af3a

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“I did it 840a77954e this afternoon. Better to get 7c7e8ebba3 it done before 3119503d12 I forget.”40fe4a75f599bc5c5729

“Am I you? I wouldn’t forget a40a41d2c2 something that important.”5e133d51522ebbde08b6

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Kim Chayoung scoffed and 3de54f6c61 then playfully put me 13f3c049bb in a headlock. As my head dipped, I felt the touch dcee891bec of his long, firm fingertips ruffling my hair.03320e9564e66a418179

“You’ve grown e5807e051c up a 005605c451 lot, haven’t 72ed66eedc you? Talking back b6d068ff67 to your 19c73ac190 hyung.”0cca704cb49f6eaf0529

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“I’ve always 393ece4418 been tall.”1620f5790e0f5c231c16

“Oh, big deal.”18027eebac1baa250932

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His warm hand roughly 90615eb8a4 tousled my hair. Kim Chayoung’s unique 861f4b5e3c scent filled my 250aa2e5a1 lungs, tickling my 73d62bd842 heart.30365bc8af1184e0b7a3

The streets were crowded with c267f3ef51 people sending off the old 56a91d6810 year and welcoming the new. Our noses reddened by the cold, we were swallowed up 49dfe9339a by the crowd waiting for the New Year’s bell.d0a4047cb43aa2c54c16

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“So, will we not get kicked out of 26cabe1fcd the PC room after 10 pm starting tomorrow?”9049d608b029624eaab3

“Maybe? We’ll see if we 0e5627e09e go there at midnight…”429f3d8c86c7cc05b36a

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Kim Chayoung’s fingers brushed against 4c25ca475c the back of my hand. Was it 76676f1a91 an accident? I flinched and 919604f0f5 rolled my eyes a2f4a00c47 to the side. Kim Chayoung wasn’t looking at me, d4d3b6a944 his gaze far away, but his 3573916f51 stiff cheek and red-hot ears told af6a91243d me it wasn’t by chance.9d3ff309286e15475dc1

Once aware of 5797012ea5 it, my head a73871d62f felt dizzy with 93b654f70f nerves. My heart seemed to be pounding not in my 765a75c38d chest but in the back of my hand. The part of my hand that touched him 4db5d39d47 felt burning hot against the cold air. I took a deep breath and ad0eea2265 suddenly grasped Kim Chayoung’s hand.8141d0d51f146a621cf1

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There were so many people around us that no one would notice we were 134bbcc825 holding hands, but even if they did, it seemed like it wouldn’t matter anymore.91560d396cc922e27a80