LA0S | Chapter 30

It was sophomore year in high school. Early in the first semester, around the start of late spring, Kim Chayoung began to follow me around, and by the end of the second semester, we shared every moment at school together. During the winter break, we almost daily headed to the library together. After a solid study session, whenever our eyes met, we’d end up heading to the PC room without fail.

On the first day of our senior year, Kim Chayoung was waiting in front of my house from the morning. His usually bright and shiny eyes looked as if he hadn’t slept at all, shadowed and weary.

“What’s up?”

I was a beat late in asking, startled by his appearance.

“I stayed up all night.”

“Figured as much from the look of you. Why couldn’t you sleep? Did becoming a senior suddenly freak you out? You’re such a scaredy-cat, Kim Chayoung.”

“It’s true, I felt like I was going crazy from the nerves.”

It seemed so out of character for him to be nervous. He’s usually so laid-back about everything, and things mostly turn out well for him.

“If you keep up your grades, you could get into Hanguk University or even Global University. Our homeroom teacher said so too. Don’t worry too much.”

“Must be nice to be so carefree.”

“Hey, who are you calling carefree? Hearing that from Kim Chayoung of all people, Lee Jinha is truly doomed.”

Bickering like this, we headed to school. As we entered through the school gates and reached the central corridor where the class assignments were posted.

“Think they’ll let us out early now that we’re seniors?”

While I was mulling over this absent-mindedly, I caught a glimpse of Kim Chayoung’s face, now pale enough to cause concern.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Why? Do I look like I’m freaking out over our class assignments?”

“What are you on about… Don’t tell me all this drama was just about our class assignments?”

“Just? That hurts to hear, Lee Jinha. Don’t you care if we end up in different classes? You’re so cold.”

“Why the formal speech all of a sudden? It’s creepy.”

Lee Jinha frowned, his usual response, but a part of him felt a chill. Of course, they’d be in the same class… but what if they weren’t?

“I should have taken some calming pills.”

Kim Chayoung muttered something next to him, but Lee Jinha hardly heard it. As they walked down the corridor, his heart pounded loud in his chest. The thought of a life without Kim Chayoung was unimaginable. At the same time, he asked himself, was it just the fear of drifting apart from a close friend? No, it was more than that, just as Kim Chayoung said.

They stood in the corridor as if at a crossroads, unable to move forward.

It was unsettling. The fear of being separated from Kim Chayoung and the confusion about his own feelings.

“Hey. Turns out we’re in the same class again.”

It was someone else who broke the news, Park Jiho, once a soccer teammate of Kim Chayoung. “See you in class,” Park Jiho said as he walked off toward the canteen.

Without hesitation, both of them ran to where the class lists were posted.

“We really are in the same class…”

“Finally, I can breathe.” Kim Chayoung murmured. Lee Jinha quickly scanned the wall.

Class 3-1.

Only after finding Kim Chayoung’s name could he finally breathe out. Phew. A deep breath laced with newly realized emotions.

Kim Chayoung was dear to him. Was this a feeling of friendship? Perhaps it felt more intimate because they had been close, with no one else around?

Unsettled feelings, either undeveloped or deliberately delayed, became certain at the sight of Kim Chayoung receiving a confession. He was popular regardless of gender and age, often receiving confessions, and up until recently, Lee Jinha would joke, “I can’t see why anyone would like such a loose guy. He’s openly annoying.” But now, those jokes seemed like a distant dream.

Though Kim Chayoung had never responded to a confession before, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t this time. What if he actually started dating someone else? Could I stand to see another girl by his side?

As Kim Chayoung walked into the classroom with a slightly flushed face, Lee Jinha realized he could no longer just be friends with him.

No, he couldn’t.

He had admitted to himself that he liked Kim Chayoung, but he didn’t act differently or change his behavior. The thought of ruining their relationship was too great.

Back then, creditors would come to his house almost every day due to the debt his father had left behind, turning everything upside down. Seeing his mother cry and his younger brother screaming about their poverty was suffocating. He felt like he would go crazy if he didn’t talk to someone, and that someone was naturally Kim Chayoung.

After hesitating for a long time, he confided in Kim Chayoung, who simply listened without saying a word.

Kim Chayoung had helped him a lot with his university entrance exams by including him in his private tutoring sessions. The harder the times, the more he encouraged him to go to college. Not only that, but he also often bought him food under some silly pretext.

Material assistance was helpful, but just knowing he was on my side filled my heart. To Lee Jinha at that time, Kim Chayoung was more than just someone he liked; he was someone beyond that.

It was a cold day, just 100 days before the college entrance exam. We had stayed late at school for supplementary lessons and were coming out as the sky filled with heavy clouds, and the air was thick with moisture, seeming like it might rain at any moment.

“Take care. See you tomorrow.”

I waved at Kim Chayoung at the bus stop. By then, all my nerves were tuned to him, sensitive to even the smallest things. How hard it was to act normal.

Usually, Kim Chayoung would have waved back, but today he didn’t react at all.

“The bus will be here soon.”

The display showed that the bus was two stops away.

“I’ll walk you home.”

It was the first thing Kim Chayoung said after reaching the stop. His expression was serious, devoid of any playfulness.

My heart sank. Did Kim Chayoung have someone he liked? Because we were so close, was he about to tell me? Did he have a girlfriend now and couldn’t walk me because he had to take her instead? A whirlwind of thoughts rushed through my mind in that short moment.

Before I could respond, the bus arrived. I boarded, feeling like I was fleeing, and Kim Chayoung followed as if it were obvious he would.

“Didn’t you say you had someone to walk home?”

“I said I was walking someone home.”

“Who? Don’t tell me it’s me?”

I pointed at myself, bewildered.

“Yeah, I said I’d walk you home.”

“Why?”

I asked blankly. We had been to the bus stop together hundreds of times. We had said goodbye many times but never walked each other home.

“Because I want to. Is that a problem? Does it bother you?”

“There’s no problem, but…”

I answered, swept up in his insistence.

“Then it’s settled.”

Just then, the bus driver yelled for us to sit down quickly as it was dangerous to stand. We sat in the very back, and as the bus lurched, our knees touched.

After getting off the bus, instead of heading to my house, we went straight to a nearby playground. We sat on the swings, staring at the ground for a long time.

And that day, Lee Jinha confessed his feelings to Kim Chayoung.

Even after we started dating, the world remained the same. We were still students preparing for college entrance exams. School, supplementary lessons, the library—we stuck together no matter where we were.

“Let’s go on a trip after the exams. Maybe a two-day trip. Got somewhere in mind? I’m up for going abroad too.”

“Hey. We still have over a month until the exams.”

“So, give me something to look forward to. I might lose all motivation if you say no.”

I couldn’t help but laugh; he seemed so desperate, unlike his usual laid-back self.

Though the world hadn’t changed, our hearts had. Every moment with Kim Chayoung became a comfort.

Our college entrance exam scores were good enough that we both could apply to the universities we wanted. Luckily, neither of us had to retake the exam. It was a relief to unload that burden, and I looked forward to doing all the things we couldn’t do while preparing for the exams. However, it didn’t take long for that anticipation to turn into disappointment.

It was an unusually cold and windy day. December 31st night, the day I was supposed to meet Kim Chayoung. He was standing by the café wall, waving his hands flippantly.

“Did you apply?”

“Not yet. There are three days left. You?”

“I did it this afternoon. Better to get it done before I forget.”

“Am I you? I wouldn’t forget something that important.”

Kim Chayoung scoffed and then playfully put me in a headlock. As my head dipped, I felt the touch of his long, firm fingertips ruffling my hair.

“You’ve grown up a lot, haven’t you? Talking back to your hyung.”

“I’ve always been tall.”

“Oh, big deal.”

His warm hand roughly tousled my hair. Kim Chayoung’s unique scent filled my lungs, tickling my heart.

The streets were crowded with people sending off the old year and welcoming the new. Our noses reddened by the cold, we were swallowed up by the crowd waiting for the New Year’s bell.

“So, will we not get kicked out of the PC room after 10 pm starting tomorrow?”

“Maybe? We’ll see if we go there at midnight…”

Kim Chayoung’s fingers brushed against the back of my hand. Was it an accident? I flinched and rolled my eyes to the side. Kim Chayoung wasn’t looking at me, his gaze far away, but his stiff cheek and red-hot ears told me it wasn’t by chance.

Once aware of it, my head felt dizzy with nerves. My heart seemed to be pounding not in my chest but in the back of my hand. The part of my hand that touched him felt burning hot against the cold air. I took a deep breath and suddenly grasped Kim Chayoung’s hand.

There were so many people around us that no one would notice we were holding hands, but even if they did, it seemed like it wouldn’t matter anymore.