IOSMC Chapter 5 (Part 3)

“You’re going abroad? Just like that? You never said anything about it before.”

“Well, I didn’t tell anyone. Like I said—it’s a secret.”

“You didn’t tell your friends either?”

“Nope.”

“Then… why are you telling me?”

“To let you know that the reason I can’t accept your feelings isn’t because of you. It’s because of me. It’s not that you’re lacking or I don’t like you. If anything… you’re way too good for me, Moon-ah.”

As if I were gently comforting a child, I spoke with care. Moon-ah stared blankly at me before lowering her head. I could see her hand tighten around my sleeve. I stayed quiet, giving her time to settle her emotions.

After a long moment of silence, she slowly lifted her head. Even with a face that looked like she could cry any second, she smiled.

“If you don’t come back to Korea after going abroad… then this really was the last chance.”

“Thanks for telling me. I don’t think I’ll regret anything,” Moon-ah said softly as she let go of my sleeve.

“Ha-jung told me—you didn’t even know my name, right? You do now, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know it now. Moon-ah, right? Moon-ah… congratulations on graduating. If we ever get the chance, let’s meet again.”

She smiled a little deeper at my words, and I smiled back before stepping out of the music room.

We hadn’t talked much, and we weren’t particularly close, so I had no idea she liked me. Then again, even if we had talked a lot or been close, I doubt I would’ve picked up on it.

I know I’m pretty clueless when it comes to stuff like romance. Scratching the back of my neck, I gave an awkward little smile as I made my way down the stairs.

Just as I was about to walk into the classroom, I got a text from Ha-jung.

He said he went out to the field to take pictures before too many people showed up. The moment I finished reading the message, I turned and headed that way.

The field was already crowded, making it hard to spot where the four of them were. While I was scanning the crowd, Hee-jun suddenly popped up right in front of me.

Like he expected to find me lost like this, he took my hand right away and pulled me along. Leading the way with long strides, he asked a sudden question.

“What did you talk about?”

“Just… congratulations on graduating, and wishing each other well. Oh—did your aunt come?”

“…Yeah, she’s over there, taking pictures of the kids.”

As he said that and kept walking, Hee-jun suddenly let out a soft “Ah” and stopped in his tracks. I didn’t know what was going on, but I stopped too and looked up at him.

“What is it? Did you forget something?”

“I forgot to give you your gift. …Here.”

Before I could even ask what gift, he shoved a paper bag toward me—the one he’d been holding onto this whole time.

Caught off guard, I took it and peeked inside. Inside were a name tag… and a bottle of perfume.

“Can I open it now?”

“Do whatever you want.”

As soon as I got his okay, I pulled out the perfume. It smelled just like the winter scent I caught on my way to school this morning. It was completely my taste—I gave a soft gasp of appreciation and sprayed a little on my wrist.

Lifting it to my nose, I took in the scent, then held my wrist out to Hee-jun.

“Here, you smell it too.”

He did as I asked, and when he leaned in, I noticed his cheeks were a little flushed. Thinking it was just from the cold, I pulled a hot pack from my pocket and placed it in his hand.

“Wow, it smells amazing. What brand is this?”

“I made it.”

“You did? Seriously? It’s really well made.”

I said, eyes wide—and that seemed to please him. He mumbled, “That’s a relief.”

“Does it suit me?”

After holding his lips tightly closed like he was debating something, Hee-jun finally opened his mouth. As he breathed out, a faint white puff slipped from between his slightly parted, pink lips, his eyes fixed directly on mine.

“…Yeah. That scent really suits you.”

He said it as our breaths mingled in the cold air. His face was blurred behind the fog of it, but I could still tell he was smiling.

We stood there facing each other for a while, just like that. Then, as if we’d agreed on it beforehand, we turned at the same time and began walking to where the others were waiting.

Jin-joo Auntie stood a little distance away, watching Yeon-joo Auntie as she took pictures of the kids. I walked over to her, wanting to thank her for everything she’d done to help me prepare for studying abroad.

She was looking at Yeon-joo with such affection that she didn’t notice me approach until I was right beside her. Her eyes, calm just moments ago, flickered with surprise when they met mine.

Wondering if something was on my face, I brushed my cheek with my hand—but there was nothing. I blinked, then asked as I looked at her still-confused expression:

“Is something wrong?”

“No, not really. I just… thought it was Hee-jun because of the scent. But it was you, Sa-eon.”

“The scent? Oh—does Hee-jun use this perfume too? He gave it to me. Isn’t it nice? He made it himself. I didn’t know he had this kind of talent. Maybe he takes after you?”

I said that, remembering Jin-joo Auntie works as a perfumer. But she didn’t reply. She just looked at me with a complicated mix of emotions in her eyes, then turned her head away like she hadn’t seen anything at all.

After staring off into the distance for a moment, she turned back to me with a gentle tone.

“You’re heading to the airport right after the ceremony, right?”

“That’s right.”

“The kids said they were going to eat together, so I told them you had another engagement and couldn’t join.”

“Ah, thank you.”

I smiled brightly as I thanked her, and she slowly curved her lips into a soft smile in return.

“If you ever want to come back to Korea, just say the word. I’ll get you the earliest flight available.”

“Really? You don’t have to go that far…”

“I’m doing it because I think Hee-jun would be happy. So don’t thank me.”

Why bring up Hee-jun all of a sudden? I didn’t quite understand, but before I could ask, the kids and Yeon-joo Auntie approached us, and Jin-joo Auntie fell silent. I turned my gaze from her and took in the four kids walking toward us.

Ha-jung and I-ryeong were great—but Eun and Hee-jun were different. No matter what I did, I always ended up looking at them a little longer. I let my gaze linger just a bit before finally speaking.

“Just in case I forget to say it later—congrats, all of you. We’re really adults now.”

As I said it, the strangeness of it hit me. I muttered with a half-awed smile, and the four of them laughed. As the laughter faded, I-ryeong looked at me with a slightly wistful expression and said:

“You’re not joining us for lunch today, right?”

“Yeah. I’ve got something planned, so it might be hard.”

“Well, if you’ve got plans, then I guess it can’t be helped.”

Even though he said that, he still looked disappointed. While I was trying to console him, Eun took an envelope from his coat pocket. He handed it to me like it was the most natural thing in the world, smiling a little shyly.

“Don’t read it now. Wait till you’re alone later. And there’s a little gift inside too, so make sure you check.”

I quietly promised I would and let out a long breath.

“…This is hard.”

I muttered it before I could stop myself, and the others all nodded in agreement.

I looked up at the sky and let out a slow breath. That’s when Eun, with that calm and kind face of his, spoke up.

“We might be graduating, but that just means school is over. We can meet anytime. So don’t be too sad.”

His words were clearly meant to comfort me. Before I realized it, the expression on my face softened.

Eun met my eyes with a warm gaze and added, “Right?”

I looked at him, quietly, then my eyes curved as I smiled and answered:

“Yeah. We’ll see each other again.”

And I meant it.

<Choi Hee-jun>

Despite leaving behind the ones he cherished—us—Sa-eon walked forward without hesitation. Just as he stepped off the dirtied school field, worn with countless footprints, he suddenly stopped.

Then, instead of walking out the school gates, he turned his body and ran toward where we were standing.

He ran as if he were flying, threw his arms around me, and smiled so brightly that I realized—this was a dream.

And once I did, the image of Sa-eon, once clear enough to touch, scattered like dust. I woke up from the dream.

There was no mistaking it for reality. The real you never looked back. You never smiled brightly while hugging me.

“I thought I might forget to say this later, so I’ll say it now. Congrats on graduating, everyone. You’re really adults now.”

Looking back, those parting words were calm, almost cold—so unlike his usual gentle demeanor.

“See you later.”

Without ever telling us the truth, Sa-eon left behind the now-adult us and went far away.

Again, I didn’t get a proper night’s sleep. I’ve lost count of how many years it’s been like this. No—truthfully, I know exactly how many days it’s been. Ever since Sa-eon left me, I’ve been in this state. No need to do the math.

Dragging my tired body, I sat on the edge of my bed. I buried my face into my cold hands and took a moment to breathe.

I believed you when you said you’d stay by my side, even after becoming adults. I felt relieved when you said I wasn’t a burden. I never imagined you’d leave without hesitation for a study-abroad trip you’d secretly prepared for months.

If only you had told me you were leaving, I would’ve waited. I would’ve believed you’d come back one day. But to leave without a word… Isn’t that too cruel?

“…Yeah. I’ll always stay by your side. Whether you stay a kid forever or grow up a little early.”

“Liar.”

I shut my eyes tightly and muttered a childish accusation.

I imagined skipping graduation. I imagined staying a child forever. I wondered—if I did, would you have stayed? But I couldn’t picture a future where the me you took care of never grew up. So in the end, I just laughed.

From the day I first met Sa-eon, I was always more curious about his tomorrow than my distant future without him… But to him, the only thing he expected of me was to grow up safely, peacefully, and happily. That’s all. So he left me that easily.

Just before getting into the taxi, you looked at me and said, “You said you had something you wanted to say once it was this year—so even today’s not the day?”

I still can’t forget that youthful face.

Maybe if I had confessed then, you wouldn’t have left.

But back then, I was a kid terrified that confessing my feelings would drive you away. To me, confessing was unimaginable. I naively believed that if I just stayed within the bounds of “friendship,” you’d always be mine.

But the truth is, Sa-eon was never mine. What an arrogant, pathetic thought that was…

While blaming my past self, I remembered the way he smiled, wearing a perfume that smelled like mine. That memory made me smile a little without realizing it.

My hollow laughter filled the wide, desolate space. As it faded, I reached out and rubbed my eyes, then picked up the phone lying beside my pillow.

It didn’t detect any movement, so the screen stayed on. I stared blankly at the date on the lock screen until it automatically dimmed. Moving sluggishly from the bed, I muttered like talking to myself.

“Lee Sa-eon, happy 22nd birthday.”

Right after I said it, I could almost hear his laughter from somewhere.

The strength left my hand holding the doorknob. Resting my forehead against the door, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before stepping outside.

I don’t even know what he looks like now, or how he smiles these days… Yet because of this unwavering love, my heart still pounds fiercely.