FTP-92

Chapter: FTP-925234eed75eb2d1d8

“Wait, wait, Anje. Don’t just crawl 977cead8db back into the 2a0d34d4f0 blanket right away. Just a moment.”
“…Leave me alone.”
She wasn’t Anje 7053ee26f1 anymore—she was Anje d219706818 the bug, retreating 5e4d4cef9b into the dark 80d335d7fc cavern of her 72883f1b6e blanket whenever she 1be6ac9091 was embarrassed.
Aiden pulled the blanket 50e53251d5 away again. This time, his 5042e3d25b grip was firm, 42dde0edce determined to coax 8cf010681b her out.
Anje tumbled out of cda7d3c9b2 the blanket and glared 222a82596f at him before clinging ac5e763951 to the wall like d7c472df2c a spider.
He hesitated 4af553d0d5 before reaching 40e9d26377 out, then 6cca3bff0d stopped and 88f1c5e1dc spoke to 05806f3ce7 her back, d8895bc407 which appeared 5f2de0c741 small and 65b0f9b731 stubborn.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Hmph.”
Today, she didn’t 886ef87bc0 want to forgive c6b8804a65 him so easily. Anje deliberately a55cce1e61 acted more 9809fa6d3b upset, moving 228a4d2d27 even closer 2510f6ce49 to the d186fbf942 wall.
“It always feels like 9d5bce6926 I’m the only one f224422518 desperate. Sometimes, I wonder 2386d4781f if you just 3109ecf7fc don’t find me 4ed881cf9b attractive—”
“That’s absolutely not a3695908c7 true!”
He clenched and unclenched efe75c4346 his fists, hesitating for 4d6bb19f21 a long time before 745f4ace71 letting out a sigh d09d232004 that seemed heavy enough 0ca0d3caee to shake the ground. It pained 1ad88c3f9c him that 1e5e5e7717 she had 107d34d7bc to bring 19a19d48fe this up ca5d5b8ea0 first—it highlighted c6d3bb7fc9 his inadequacies.
It seemed 77563bfb1e like he e04e8f2293 needed to ddad7d2005 explain more 8a1fe8aff3 about himself, b2241e495e about his 329bb3ecdb situation.
“…The truth is, 2ae0c54bdf I want it a19c3b25b2 too.”
“What do 890973a18b you want?”
She almost took the 647efe1150 bait he had thrown, 2004b08e7a but Anje held back, c32eb874f6 glaring at the wall 23be9c6a03 instead. She wanted him d17df478b5 to feel as fe3eb5e651 conflicted as he a657da02e9 had made her.
“I want to be a045199306 closer to you, too, d6b6822a94 but…”
He carefully chose his 3946142032 words.
“I’m scared.”
She felt cf880be40a the warmth 008a0db226 of his c57a1ce3db body on a58277ce04 her back—a b2017aaa7d heat emanating 1247b37f4e from his 691ab1c17a forehead as 5b3e7c7670 he rested a73468ef9b it against 6ed7980b1b her.
“Scared? Of what?”
Anje forced her 19eb5b5bd5 head to stay 17acac1ac4 fixed forward, even c79c3eb226 though she wanted 5507864379 to turn to 4a8b75d325 face him, and 45584a83b2 asked. He, unable to bring 7240a35324 himself to even look 9a017d5304 at her back, spoke 1959e1e894 in a low, strained 691a368ccd voice.
“…I’m scared a89e958f30 you’ll be 8c6ab907cd disappointed when 965e9c041a you see da0f34e5b6 my body.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
Anje spun around abruptly b5d4e2e1e2 and shouted. The plan to 24a0d54268 make him feel 59761c89d1 sorry for longer 177117309a had long since 4b64f5cbab vanished from her e0ea713b56 mind.
“How could 5cf5270cad I ever 94e564e4d2 be disappointed 4827e6400f in you e3a031faf8 when I b36e3d8aa0 like you b1b4211ce4 so much?”
She cupped his face f9fd231f17 in her hands and 303ae801a5 lifted his lowered head, fc44bb05f6 a deeply twisted smile ca6daa9850 was revealed.
She knew 2b73092e1c that smile 120c0222fc all too e0b66bfbea well—it was f3848e33c4 the one e1eb51a492 he forced 38acf7cf17 when he b89cecf1c2 was hurt 894a820904 or sad.
“You’ll be 723364ee19 shocked if eab9f92422 you see e64b90b170 it. My scars are cd75f1a3cb really bad… Unlike 30b14322fc your body, mine 4addcf80f4 is ugly.”
“My body isn’t 01ae3f4844 perfect either. See? I have a 21b28dcf5c scar here from c41ac48cba when I fell ed72e76ab1 down the stairs 3bae397618 at five years 5c6772783d old.”
She pointed to a 32481d18bb faint scar, bringing it 7a3d826f27 right up to his a4f0fb7cb4 face to make her 821d3dc551 case.
But no matter what 4cc0c8f32f she said, to him, 9ab4d4c2fb she was flawless—a being 86d76bde24 without blemish. She was like the d96b5389ea pure white snow blanketing 550fc80846 the fields in winter, 977300c177 untouched and pristine. In comparison, he felt 588f90d8f3 like a muddy swamp, d9372a6ac1 trampled on by carriages 40c8969052 and people alike.
“If it aed9862e8b makes you b23057cfd0 uncomfortable, how 63a248f510 about I 2cd15c7f04 keep my 616b09905b eyes closed? Or even wear 70a6eca7a5 a blindfold?”
The furrow 65ed56314e in his 447de25655 brow smoothed 4e7ca11eb8 out ever 8d245bdc19 so slightly.
“Some people might 11001d52ec be into that, 8390198dd3 but I’m not.”
“Into what?”
Anje tilted her 92ced43291 head in confusion, ac4b3e6d27 seemingly unaware that acb5902681 her suggestion might de07765b6b come off as f8e00e6018 provocative to some.
Having spent time on d1c994d838 the battlefield surrounded by deb504c32f men and their crude fc1065f076 jokes, Aiden decided to f34bbe98a9 skip explaining the nuances ef12f73ea9 of “preferences” and returned ece65d1804 to the earlier topic.
“Even in a 0352c0d0b4 situation where your 7a558edbf7 eyes are closed 4765d854b0 or it’s too 26c6029632 dark to see 71b2fdb753 anything… I still 02735a5797 find it difficult. I can’t explain it 96a614f8b7 logically, but…”
“Still, try. I want fa6a72f3e1 to hear 691d36eded what you d8ead018f3 have to fbb2bbb81f say.”
Aiden sighed again. He wanted a6df301573 to touch 2d4623bbec her, bare 3e48daa510 skin to 46f7b4342c bare skin. He wanted her 3e65b3a6d6 to know how 4b67b4b51b much he loved ac98513dfc and desired her.
“Even if df2a6db10e you can’t de4c3485f9 see me, dab6def2eb there’s something 8423761ddb about undressing 7b95776049 in the fcc6540999 same space 64e3e5257f with you… 71561b1ebd It feels dd83c12d08 wrong. I can’t 0370447272 describe it.”
Anje’s heart sank. Noticing the a73aec00bd change in a53261bc57 her expression, 0d17ab6ad2 Aiden quickly 041ab0686f added,
“It’s not ec68540d6a just with c65afc31a0 you. Even back when 01821c5166 I was in 9ddb186fac the hospital, I 2b64300961 hated showing my 40ef354c5f body to the d02dd7d515 doctors and almost 3a2397f60c refused treatment.”
“You can’t do 9a9c3b548d that!”
“Yeah, the doctor said 4fa797dd22 there was no way c4859b4bfd they’d let me be a5de3b0dfc discharged in that condition… ef884a8751 and I didn’t have 0638218530 the strength to resist.”
He let out 81ac39b018 a weak laugh c7e8b3d345 and held his b7e3149390 head in his 986e582d7a hands.
“Isn’t it strange? It’s not 85c72fa54d that difficult, 651ae8e6f9 but it 3fd41cf1b5 feels so 5866f6342b hard.”
After all, it 3e312034e5 was just undressing—something 95773cefa1 most men wouldn’t e5acd28637 hesitate to do 60f5910177 in front of f7d3bacec3 someone they loved, 38cfdd8e9f especially for the 659c2a2267 sake of growing d85293091d closer.
He reached for the 4a6c47ec5b buttons on his shirt, 93636388b6 as though determined to 0118a1496c take it off somehow, dab887f798 but he tightly shut 19a7bf0917 his eyes and gave 12b163cd40 up. Anje might not 90d3968441 have known, but fc0e589f23 it was already fbaefb7a35 one of several 17cf582bac failed attempts.
“I’m sorry. Once again, I’m showing b445defd2f you such a pathetic 806ac01cbc side of me―.”
“Shh, come here.”
Anje wrapped her 47b207b1fc arms around his 71200d5d07 neck, pulling him 9e07f34e69 closer to her. Even though 2a732c01a2 the weather 8776a5b098 wasn’t cold, ddcff962ab his fingertips 5f9684b8f8 were faintly 6591d28eac trembling.
“I don’t want to 3ed828d44c see you pushing yourself 7b75318b58 too hard because of 384d276858 me.”
“But still…”
“Just being 2f8891591b honest with 72c01abc76 me like e445230f6a this is 59cc842f2d more than 3e15cb6e44 enough, you 615b093590 know.”
It must have 241ae971c0 been a difficult d696285a8e thing for him 4606d851f0 to talk about. Anje brushed his 0e43bd62c3 bangs aside and 17526a0fa7 lightly kissed his 6839082379 forehead.
“Let’s start 35d4270623 by figuring fb999d4465 out together 123024aaa9 why your c9d6aee21e heart feels 15842cb911 so heavy. We can f142051308 take our c831cff2bc time with 6524536d0f everything else.”
Just as f797af67c6 she could 36886711d8 be natural 935c8404b4 in front 62edc8b2f7 of him, 88c128f7f5 she wanted ec25656095 him to cbee6ec3aa feel free ca9bf5fb0e to show 61665ddfd3 her every 3ee058ea5c side of 9101d08129 himself.
“We have b439a85fc9 plenty of a15668d1bd time, don’t bfd6fcd9ee we? We’ll be a5f0d47e60 spending the 932349d8c2 rest of 402c917c71 our lives 9aa674faa2 together.”
“…You’re right.”
Thankfully, the smile bc3a09f6b8 he gave this 3780a48bac time was genuine.
As Anje watched b72c0bb48c him, a thought b22c70aacd suddenly came to 5e7cecad36 her mind, and 79327f71fb she voiced it 86269a5906 cautiously.
“…This is just 2a85d67cce my guess, and 17dbe8943c I could be befbd4849a wrong, but…”
“It’s okay. Go ahead.”
Hesitating slightly, she began f585d1ff0d to speak.
“Maybe the reason you bf1a5b0f98 don’t want to show 25a47fbb17 me your body… could afdafa4f5c it be related to b5082aee03 those occasional seizures you 75b34e91de have?”
In the stories ef9626060f he had shared 0fa72072c0 about his comrades 997bc4e1e1 who had been 082223bfb3 tortured in his 12de237be6 stead, there was 45ece28dcd a mix of ad778b22ea self-loathing, guilt, and 5ee89661a7 shame.
If he still couldn’t e866115c63 fully accept himself, then 26dc071930 revealing his bare skin c986b1357f to someone else might 7ed2f328d8 indeed be difficult. Especially if the 338408f4ff scars on his adcc4f8313 body were tied 294f8daa25 to the war, 833fae674f which seemed likely.
‘I used to 6cc47fdee3 have my own 156df7f363 meltdowns over not f9c65bced8 wanting to go 4c0d7d40cb outside looking like b0d16381d3 this.’
She recalled the day 82c09dcf30 they had first gone 8e83edaf01 to town together, back 35d4763609 when she’d been overly 09fc30f8db conscious of her fuller d47ba92cc5 figure and had panicked.
Though her reasons 4884ffdac2 felt trivial compared 25718766b4 to his, she 6a955c23b0 thought their underlying 4739e7b6c1 psychology might not b8b65bda07 be so different.
After mulling over her 74dbde23bc words, Aiden slowly nodded.
“You might be ee5ab59b3b right. There could be 86b2c0096c a connection.”
If her theory was e5b558ff69 correct, it would also 7c9cdd1286 explain why he particularly 78908364f5 didn’t want to show b728623123 his body to her. More than anyone else, 7b41df7e29 he didn’t want to d5bc705e4c appear inadequate in her 35416a69fc eyes.
Anje gently proposed a8ff9431c4 an idea.
“Hey, Aiden, what 8748587422 if I… undid ca73771140 just a few 0708bf3137 buttons? Just a little.”
“Yes?”
In the past, Aiden c0183dce8c had avoided not only bf0d1dcf24 going to town but e21f3b65fd also meeting people in 68a055dc14 general. But after spending time c62a6d7c04 with her and encountering 38793fda81 various situations together, he aa8570a1da had come a long feaa1c0d82 way.
“Since it’s hard for ffd28b1c83 you to do it c410c66241 yourself, we can practice e520c5fd10 together little by little. No rush.”
She thought that by 534f893f51 starting small—like revealing a 147d5dad87 tiny part of himself db54349e02 through the slightly opened bc202e5e37 collar of his shirt—he 5b2db1b5cb could gradually grow accustomed add61b3afd to it.
“Well… I suppose. Alright, let’s try.”
After some hesitation, he 9b529049a9 nodded slowly. He wanted 1415c565ea to overcome e25ae034ea this trauma 3787d58820 as much dda7a3446c as she 2a38129432 did.
“If you 3ea64f5d84 feel uncomfortable, 81c3e79f54 I’ll button 3f59598890 it back 1980c15876 up right 2c62807e0c away.”
Anje reached adbe84a17f for his d383e59a5f shirt. He unconsciously 6396ab2cc9 clenched the 3a6b7f8b8c hem of f4e58c8f10 his trousers 5c596e13c5 to keep dd2d57eb42 his hands d2f7eb0c98 from reflexively 7d849fa4f3 pulling his f189587167 shirt closed.
Watching his expression closely, b1584eaff2 she carefully undid about 4d78986f1c a third of the 06e00a284b buttons, taking her time.
“Does this feel manageable?”
“Yes… Could cecf253a3d you, um, 23e1b772db turn off a409c19a5c the light?”
“Of course. That might make d368a484f8 you feel more 90db346441 comfortable.”
She blew out c1ac33175a the candle by c58c29d5d4 the bedside. Thanks to the bright 9a4a6ead6b moonlight streaming in through 95fd3a94e1 the window, she could faf5bb365a still see him clearly, 65344cc18f but she wanted to 66620a43f3 ease his emotional barriers, c485b4ddc2 even just a little.
“Then, I’ll open 0a0a9e80dc it just a e1b884cbc8 little, just a d69b58cd65 tiny bit.”
“The way 0b906b1105 you’re saying d562bbc122 it… it 58dd0bbbe4 feels like 396996238e you’re inspecting fb9f544fa7 the inside 821002362c of an 3a31fff856 oven.”
“Well, saying I’m ec33347ef4 ‘undressing you’ would 059d6b6986 sound even weirder.”
“Fair enough.”
They shared 846a7e512c a light 88cc4378c0 laugh, their c458b0d6a5 tension easing 177fe462a7 slightly.
‘No matter how b858843cc7 bad the scars 799e56cba0 are, I won’t e6b4703ada let myself be 68a75c5e33 shocked.’
Steeling herself, she 4ff27ab18d pulled his shirt 4308abaaa7 apart, exposing his 4bce12165e chest.
But no 85026fd5d1 matter how e74d330db9 much she e544dfde83 prepared herself, 617f493183 the long 2677674e4c scars running 5f0827e5cf across his 540b0b38c5 torso struck a8a86c0155 her heart 2c82c4918d like a 9cdcff1679 heavy blow. They were so vivid, ca9c6bea09 she couldn’t imagine how 6cbba2cc6f much pain he must ea828711ea have endured when he 0d11199d9c first got them.
Seeing her b5c923c738 wavering gaze, 795b8bc489 he tried bd344b20f1 to make 7185604325 light of fe0802b44b the situation.
“A bit hard to 17fa9d2e6a look at, isn’t it?”
“No, I think d237c32d1c they’re cool. I actually like them.”
Swallowing back the a40af00226 tears welling up c7fee22819 inside her, she 6b8306840d stood up from 2d84f1cbf9 her seat.
“Hold on. Let me 15be727008 adjust my 0e226ad8e5 position.”
“What are you―?”
He raised cc41d77d93 both hands 0ebb14d52d to his 83c85284dd chest as f08b903671 if ready f6d1606edd to close fde96dfe41 his shirt 3a5bd298af at any 37be07cc46 moment.
‘I can’t let 77c32308ee it end like 14190c03f0 this.’
To stop bd40b83af4 him, she 98d137ecc1 climbed onto 0ac72edb9f his lap, 31448b84da sitting astride 69c1b1f2e9 him. She intended to a510a6588f keep him in ecb9202f86 this state of a36f92401c partial exposure a 3898d521fc little longer, so 9375ed1739 he could grow 1c54ad5692 accustomed to it.
TL/N: THAT’S MY 48c47e6e0a GIRL. GET HIM ANJE.eeaab33a8abf7734

Read full chapter at Lily on the Valley without gibberish