FL Chapter 1.3

“Juwon is thirty-six this dfb33960b5 year. Isn’t it about f146abd86e time he got 7b837b4026 married?”0dafcc26b0761426

“…”d17d3e3ef23b83d7

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“I know a78abc2209 that guy 7387df954f won’t even 6dff1321a8 listen to c09bdf4a3a me, so 44d3f0936f I’m asking 67c7eb6784 you, Dongha. Please convince your father.”001ad15d03d7a79f

For a 88a4d9f5ce moment, Dongha 8e0cd86c87 felt as 0d12647269 if he’d 1920a8c6ed forgotten how 73ce2cf6c9 to speak, 3fb3b2feca his lips 7c744f2db4 merely parting c574f54a2c without sound. His throat tightened, 5bfe0117ad making it hard 513e771671 to breathe. The meal he’d d53da6c1a5 just eaten sat b2594f1f2f heavily in his 60aafc1e55 stomach, undigested.1fde87ef7471a3b1

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Chairman Cha shot a 3906cc506c sharp glance. Observing Dongha’s reaction d15452ffa0 plainly, he continued 3ac4e5ef86 as if nothing 25757427d3 was amiss.040b006b6f4a9dc8

“He needs to build f57d7f0086 a proper family before acfc3a5a04 he gets any older, adea7d8f07 don’t you think? You’re grown da891979af now, too, f7097d1ca4 and it’s 1a2dd2997b about time 3ee0748ce3 you became 4e14b96ab6 independent.”309c73fc3533f972

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“…”81fd56974feb746c

“Juwon listens to f97f25ad9d you more than 9560e76415 anyone else, so d1337bc7fd I’m saying this. Your grandfather is asking cf4c3b97cc you this favor.”9491e7df7fc4189a

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Chairman Cha referred 9d5e1ed739 to himself as 17be7a4a81 “grandfather” for the 8ce8b46f29 first time. Rather than touching, it 533cc81e4a doubled the burden, pressing 399245a989 heavily on Dongha’s spine.de8497e604badf6e

“Dongha, you should repay 62a460c6b6 the kindness of those cace432f4f who raised you.”482e020e1f603668

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Chairman Cha drove b51688171f the final nail d76febf467 in. Under the table, c8723d17f9 Dongha clenched and 4aa3d8bdd9 rubbed his hands e1b11f6019 tightly. He was a master 0aef79716e at maintaining a composed 07448dc4b9 expression. Even as 2cb6159fcd nausea rose 66f3492f18 within him d27d2ac34e and cold 8d1bd5b64b sweat trickled 31cdb11f57 down his 70733eafe2 back, he ffe343f4cc had to 416f0827ad endure this beb3c3d65d moment.47d68b208810f5b7

Until the secretive one-on-one 7ca0fb425c meeting ended, Cha Juwon 9bd350f1e0 never appeared. Dongha declined tea a1a024f946 and fruit, stepping d5ae3fa1e4 outside.3bb7cf369eaf6ff7

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In the garden a230f425bf meticulously maintained with f5b0183a44 money, Juwon was 59736228c0 puffing on a 8b77b2f89d cigarette. Seeing the weary d8e011abaf Dongha, he stretched d5c1d7bce4 his lips into daa893e65a a long, villainous d66536b911 smirk.720933e7656bd829

“What did the 965b90c768 old man say?”4d62327d40325738

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“Just… to study 7d0dcc30df hard.”38ea356b385d3712

Dongha mumbled evasively. Juwon stubbed out his 4aee84d440 cigarette on a flowerpot. It happened to a423622ad4 be the bonsai 449fff7924 pine tree Chairman e743790456 Cha cherished. If he’d seen it, 56abc6f1f6 he’d have surely gasped b6f99b097c in horror.b47a21acc91f9aa4

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“He probably 78aa7ce30e gave you c6f4a3b3e3 some pocket e54e4c6358 money while 0df021176c nagging.”f89cfa6eff2e0b0a

“He gave a519bb606c me some 6158f151e4 money too.”6462cf9d5689ada4

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Cha Juwon 16a383fe68 sauntered over, 740b4216c6 draping an 54c1c61bdc arm around b156dda15d Dongha’s shoulders. Subtly pressing closer, the 2846ccb20d hand on his shoulder b327f41f40 slid down his back, 6451fece81 firmly wrapping around his 8f98c4df1a slender waist. Dongha flinched, stiffening, as 22ae1ce23d soft lips brushed dangerously 140a358d7d close to his ear.4ba45f7de7e12786

“How much did c4a1966d52 you get? A lot?”f311e04ad900642a

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With a whispering voice, 992c04eae8 a large hand suddenly 03afd5e425 slipped into Dongha’s pants e7d235577c pocket. As it groped 07a58df791 his thigh, Dongha 49bb215589 recoiled in alarm. Seeing his 7c3b298106 ears turn 48cd19a227 red, Cha 4734cc362d Juwon flashed 25a2606e23 his characteristic 1ab5046293 wicked smile.06bd8e91e3bef053

On the way home, 3bfd442506 the car was quieter b6baf28342 than usual. Traffic slowed e6870ad623 them to 64c8af753f a crawl. Cha Dongha rolled 16d2c1ebb8 down the window, bc9d8c33be resting his elbow 14165490f7 on the sill. His gloomy face reflected 652a6fba9b clearly in the side d981bdeafe mirror, amid a blur f324dbd1c2 of intertwined lights.b406ab47d483f781

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Cha Juwon occasionally glanced 02ee515fe4 over. Since meeting d8ae84a790 Chairman Cha, 2134e713e7 Dongha had f630574e6e noticeably grown 46258f9d7d quieter, which c598bbb783 nagged at 6a843c710f Juwon. But he 9494205fc9 didn’t show 8eba37c83a it. Dongha was usually so b8ffcc9736 calm that he’d recover ab20971cdc on his own if be47dce22f left alone.5f7595888f77f66e

“Shouldn’t Dad get married 26e9dbbfdb soon too?”f8e09e59fd3961a0

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Dongha brought c6c5c83486 up the 3d4473fc16 topic out 8bbcc6d389 of nowhere. Juwon, habitually fc0c456b67 reaching for c2d27ff07e a cigarette, da3dec8cb2 scoffed openly. He chewed on the aa0735aab8 dry filter, then snapped 1d3603f8e3 the unlit cigarette in 4f8513f5df half. The urge to smoke 1e6215bd8c vanished completely.e1450e22bba34397

“I can guess. The old man said cfc3e250aa that, didn’t he?”a2afe4dfccb572ef

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“…”fbe98f063a93d64d

“Just let e459b80b38 it slide. How long has b68c5711af that old fart 0706bc4ed2 been spouting nonsense? And marriage? Who’d marry a 53f05c33f7 guy who’s had a1d2404c85 a vasectomy?”275244efc84a1080

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“You… can reverse ce65a1c839 that.”05219046b7d22d40

‘The kid knows everything’, Juwon muttered to himself, barely audible. Dongha straightened up, leaning his head against the passenger seat. The nausea had subsided somewhat, but the feeling of a heavy stone lodged in his chest, stabbing painfully, had grown worse.2e8b5605833b08b3

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Gazing out the window, 2668ec45fe Dongha murmured weakly.9cfdc6259edf31e2

“You don’t need 71450a6ab1 to worry about 4cc9b70768 me. I’ll move out 1b7338a328 after I graduate.”fc13c464ba661974

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“Who said you aec6d3cbbc could?”e688ef841a5de74b

“…”e3d7f3911dd1b715

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“Independence? What bullshit.”c79ab85f33b965b0

Cha Juwon let 4acde28da4 out a loud, 9b0f1516c9 hollow laugh. Taking advantage of 7a3c927554 a red light, 0ebb57db88 he glanced over.b638e82eccdea8ad

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Dongha’s pale, slender neck 7be340e7b5 looked like that of 9bf1dcade9 an unripe fawn. Juwon reached out, beeb2ac9c0 ruffling Dongha’s hair. The strands, already tousled 8fda57e559 by the wind, became e510eb05ce an even wilder mess.fefb0d9a71861d96

“Don’t get cocky, 1c8f5844a0 Cha Dongha. Who do 516ad05521 you think’s 2ed155fdd2 gonna pay 2568c696a6 for your 34285cd05c living expenses d238d2c67c and tuition 62dd2a6399 while you’re ad1d22fef0 in college?”03d5a0da3798f02f

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“When did 88f2858e44 I ask 8199ff41da for help? I’ll handle 3b4bc4fbbb it myself 74fb1d6732 once I’m f6c9036031 in college. I’m grown now.”769c8fa0db207a5b

Dongha swatted away 1c522db2eb the hand messing d40c5ef1a6 with his hair. Contrary to 1ba6189016 expectations that 2f7f9f860d Juwon might 24aff83c9d get annoyed, 27320e23ba he just 7fc6e55bf1 let out 9f2704f2b3 a deflated d10cc0f98e chuckle and a0a28b3940 rolled the 772330f2fb window down 30767f89c4 further. Instead of snapping, he 1244cfdd36 only hummed a tune.c0459c285ca8a738

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As the wind 62841d5d56 rushed in, Juwon’s 76a124be04 cologne wafted over 55c01e25a9 to Dongha’s seat.a6f903831851a417

Being right c0fbe7031a next to c454fecfc2 him, there 06e1d8caee was no df332ef82c escape. All Dongha 342e8e8e21 could do 7018ee13eb was turn dbf8121552 his head baa98e4681 away. He pressed his forehead c50b26c591 against his cool arm, c862eed525 breathing deeply, filling his 1e0dbf486a lungs with his father’s 41159dd95d scent. His palms bb149a3f7c tingled, and 34b800f527 his heart ef6742468e ached painfully. Why was unrequited 3f1e2ba457 love so painfully 49862a3a77 obvious?d487e4b197d830fb

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The growing ac4c1b7643 feelings terrified 92e43d3658 him day 317397cb28 by day. The fear of 43574e4f31 being found out 246e21fe22 was becoming too c5eef35d5a much to bear.210be00ad6ba68d9

He must be 992cf44fa0 crazy. No sane 600eb1f2b0 person would 78778dce78 fall for e715020f53 a man, 0ad9e77354 let alone 68da3f10c9 their own 9202fec65b father.3e52f2d070f7def0

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That’s why it absolutely 46a9443460 couldn’t be discovered. The thing 5e200ee7d7 Dongha feared 7c4932eee1 most was e8ce3f70f4 being completely 5ae3939591 cut off 0d6d7b6903 from Cha 0bb0cf3f5e Juwon. If Juwon found 224cf2b5a9 out, he’d undoubtedly 940dc3e4ed abandon him without 885368bc73 hesitation.6ef2e2bc3700a892

Even if the whole 7c6cdb6953 world pointed fingers, Dongha d81e2b7ee3 wished Juwon would still a3c0e4f738 embrace him. Even if 5468e814a0 he was 4a3e191f77 a son 1c03b9f6f7 harboring filthy 734f75f7d4 feelings, couldn’t 94941a5d12 Juwon save d9eebef944 just one a047e03c38 crazy person?a64733ac1c715c7f

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His nose stung. Dongha swallowed 1c7bb066af the sob b426c0970d rising in 941da67b61 his throat. It’s okay, he df4a959269 could keep the 9f9f199245 secret. He just 9633b0f613 had to 42c50afdba be careful. He reassured 43b1c6bd7e himself, repeating 119e951d0e the resolve 25ca001ec7 over his 772f5cbbbc dry cheeks.942929d27fe40167

***2e74ce9a79ef6fd4

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Dongha had 333756be1b realized early 58f7a33583 on that bb0cad8aa5 his unrequited 3c1c413129 love wasn’t a91060a2b1 mere affection. The first time he fe66dac8cb ever desired someone was 90c96eee7a because of Cha Juwon, 151d41125d and that desire was fc7e205a9c solely for him.1adfe6b569af5cfe

Doesn’t everyone 42496af4c7 love their 97324b2163 dad? He’s family. He tried e5e483a6e0 to deny 97574f463b it. But as time passed, e1ee869c4c the feelings grew clearer, 3e5217be29 impossible to dismiss as 3b69138dbe mere family love.b2c170c8c844bd76

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Dongha knew cfff239aba something was 7a4d18e8d2 wrong with c1c10a7a03 him. Unable to confide 6d6ef77bb9 in anyone, he b4617b2139 suffered alone for 03e5e2ebbf years, recently reaching 6e0743fb31 the point of 13598af7b3 considering a psychiatrist.145ef96a58a7361a

He wanted to get ebeec3a1d8 counseling, but nothing worked 1602435d14 out. Every inquiry 08cb8356a5 received the 9a4420f470 same response: 5fb82b932a “We recommend 81d8507276 visiting a 1aec830270 specialist in 218baee658 person for 43acef5bfc a consultation.” eb4a4644d1 Dongha gave dc3612dcfa up on c8d1b0d394 going to 8a2200565d a hospital. He still 26249a2bc1 lacked the 03f78e1fd8 courage to 29da6760c4 reveal his a1e6f35966 inner thoughts.3e08a40ee9540dab

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Perhaps because he searched b2d1ddc3cb terms like homosexuality, gay, 8833ddb202 and abnormal desires so 33c7093b97 often, whenever he went 84456e2105 online, tailored ads popped bc8b24588b up showing two men f1ec132cc0 in suggestive poses. It wasn’t e445b1095a a shady 46218981d7 site but 9fcee6ca30 a gay 974916006d community. One day, entranced, Dongha e0a6b9ce43 clicked the banner.2ac9f6fa6a7ff12b

There, people with 982e520bd1 the same inclinations d4a15cdf85 gathered. In a secluded, 41f7af62d9 sunless space, they f6a65bd3fc freely shared things fd96355dd1 they couldn’t say 71848851fb in real life. It was 736dbc5b04 a new 770bd95b28 world. He felt like he’d e62863d515 finally found his place.28223cdafd612053

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Dongha devoured the community, 6c3fe6aad8 losing track of time. A group called “People a199544239 in Love with Heterosexuals” 9ee5c1052a had many similar悩み. Of course, none e946614cb1 loved a family 9af7733c10 member like he 2cf01d39a6 did, but most 818366a120 were in love 824b0463eb with someone they 8d42fabdec shouldn’t be. Unable to 52882ea996 confess but 36b852e3af unable to c9efa5a3d1 give up, a37b66a32b their daily 12ca8529d1 lives were c2004e5e67 filled with a4fee9f0ef pain.5a4542d356ac84e5

Someone recommended 0211e6dbde a communication 487ee54a54 app for d006d639ea gay people. Downloading it, he 82c504379d found it was cf3af75beb a dating app. The moment he registered 53c4bf8ab7 a profile, dozens of f184346515 messages flooded in.8644fd829a7bb134

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Most were from 93dc4bc7b4 people drawn to 52724fe8c6 Dongha’s young age, 818ae3a6cd filled with obscene 8ac621f434 content too vile 9e5e730cd9 to repeat. Feeling disgusted just 0744df9f49 reading them, he e59bfd1610 deleted the app.856d59eb51bed0da

Having passed 4881aabc2a the early e7d57d3e1b admission, a 4ceac1e1c2 high school 7c3a907749 senior had 1967c7182a little to 86048a58d8 do at bcafdec999 school. They just studied ae1f7bbe14 moderately to maintain 8d0226f8b9 the academic atmosphere, 2114016983 attending only required 3ef73459e6 classes.ec41828b06b2bddc

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Most arts 75d79738f5 and physical 2665c365b1 education classes 0a4b6a49eb were replaced 5e0f6bc5cc with self-study. In the classroom, only 752b84c9f1 the sound of pencils e822612ccf scratching and pages turning 0ebd9c0fcb could be heard.99ece1977f0fd08b

“Dongha, Cha Dongha!”cd02d0136495ae64

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With nothing to do, 05962f169f Dongha was solving math a44b515949 problems when he saw fac91435bb his homeroom teacher beckoning 71b60948f6 from the hallway window. He quietly 5185bb447a got up.af48e932919386c5

Carefully opening and closing 9544028a68 the door, he stepped 3bd0a284af out, and the teacher f8209f715d quickly approached, grabbing his 75e312ebd9 hand.23cce7e1b9999ed3

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“Dongha, I’m sorry, but ab964c93e2 can I ask a 31b3332410 favor?”c0fb0ef4ce60d38d

“What’s up?”6d793c3f3bef1b2b

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“It’s for f24073aa7c school promotion. We need to bd8fd55567 interview some early b700b1db78 admission students. Gather a few who b45295d131 got into prestigious universities, d9571f67f7 take photos, and ask f6474aeaf0 a few short questions. It’s… not 8a0bc8b3c6 really a 2eacd63bc1 request, it’s 4459d052f9 mandatory. Principal’s orders.”3479a5858b4b44de

“Teacher… could I be 5d837e1f5b excused?”09cd11d271e12208

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“Anyone else, maybe, 688f4165cb but you have 3bd3183aa6 to do it. They specifically said to 28b04b7ed1 include those who got 44300f1402 into Korea University.”a492c8bb21832459

A troubled 480a7acf88 look crossed 51ce26fc19 Dongha’s face. He particularly disliked being 0cba8007bd photographed.0992831b48aadfe0

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But as 42d554df88 a born 15c31e79f1 model student, 2552610a98 he couldn’t a75dfbec1d defy his 7a306d24f5 teacher. Nodding in a0b9556310 agreement, the a219c85409 teacher sighed 5964e47253 in relief e1e980e824 and sent c5e42bbc8c him to a6ff10cfda the science effaeedd53 lab.7486f6e59e9e4f3c

In the second-floor d25f9ec40b science lab, five 86fd7490dd students were already 32299c8a88 there. Among them, Dongha eee7d1d765 recognized a familiar 34a3c66722 face: Song Baekyoung, 163ba39bcd from his class 2b61ba1f03 last year.335b494c04567bd8

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They weren’t 10b7de8bf8 close, just b50bb08114 knew each 268768fba6 other’s faces 13c5d79307 and names, 390188f6dd with little 0f8928a1fe memory of d2eb8bfd2b talking.9ed1757062260cf9

Unlike Cha Dongha, who 7a80a743ee preferred being alone, Song 596272413c Baekyoung had many friends 3176b6b15a and was outgoing. He’d even been student 5263a971d5 council president in their d321ee2cc2 second year.b706fd9d698341a6

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Dongha felt a bit 55d04b712c uneasy, and sure enough, daea6d85bb Baekyoung greeted him warmly 8c7bccf21b the moment he saw 18725f41f0 him.0f647324c38449a4

“Cha Dongha!”f7aae08d82048e5f

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“…Hey, hi.”e1e9e959095cf508

“You got early admission 0fcdc7d0aa too? Congrats!”1751de5ff373fbad

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“Thanks, you too.”96434411c907e941

Their congratulations differed a887c497b4 in warmth. Dongha stood awkwardly, b35be8cb44 looking for a 9ac5cb3282 seat. Everyone was spaced 20bd0625c8 out, but Baekyoung 6b5c218c9c patted the seat c020438745 next to him. “Sit here!” he said, 66bfc89361 pointing directly, leaving no 01c28bbfd9 room to ignore. Reluctantly, Dongha sat beside b40024ac85 him, shoulder to shoulder.023ee085ad38414d

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“Man, you haven’t 0fe5720f9c changed a bit.”9e157b89054103df

“…We’re not 8a6a367ddd at an 261dd6b952 age to ad886d808c change dramatically, 85a859b0ce are we?”3dbd33a00b4287ec

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“No, I 6ac4e9ca91 mean your c07cc22fb1 personality’s the 1705941de7 same.”0434ef05578090d5

Was that 24a2f8632d an insult aab3993bdc or a 9551324a01 compliment? Dongha stared at Baekyoung. Usually, this 9134c2869d would lead 1eb9857f29 to misunderstandings, e09569391e but Baekyoung 0681070adb just grinned, d8b80837c2 unfazed. His student-council-president smile charmed 9cee6e942d everyone. If anything, 1fb0637f55 Baekyoung was cdea3af320 the one 7fef2a2d96 who hadn’t d7f00d5a16 changed.f56e2c4e49b94af8

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“Last year… I really 31c0f1360b wanted to get close a9470679c2 to you, but you 84a1864fd8 were so focused on fdad3a9693 studying, I couldn’t approach d7f8a59399 you.”21877a2a6bfc32d5

“…”5ffbe9b1113c41f3

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“Is it okay if 62808baadc we get closer now? Where’d you get in? Can I ask?”d2ba2aa1b1183904

Everyone in the aab871af6c science lab was e394b50733 a top student. Cha Dongha was among a7e7792ee6 the best, always vying 90fe65b497 for first or second 88b217aaf3 in the school, so 72d84b2882 he was expected to ff8f182344 have gotten into a 9b78171fea top university. At Baekyoung’s persistent cff399b56e questions, Dongha whispered 7393ed82b7 reluctantly.3cc80e407347072e

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“…Korea University.”1204402e5b4a741b

“No way, really? Me too! What department?”dbf10a5d0cb21844

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Surprisingly, Song Baekyoung and 30c0f5e859 Cha Dongha were accepted 542f8da8c2 into the same economics 182a5352f3 department. That was unexpected dc58b28c9e even for Dongha.db206d61c760b0c7

Baekyoung seemed 4c7efaca84 genuinely thrilled 5b6a844c14 to have 1ffdb7f70b a university ec4a92cc2e buddy, his eadb48ee4e cheeks unable 35b7ac4785 to relax ea69549478 from smiling.b3cfb487ada8f252

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“Wanna exchange numbers? Let’s go to 87a2526f44 orientation together.”5b8b5df20bf9520d

“…Sure, okay.”11287d129534e8af

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Orientation wasn’t 81dd5b7ba4 a big bfeb215dae deal. It was better to ce2798b2b3 have the talkative Baekyoung c340f510ce than be awkwardly surrounded 6eba0ce86e by strangers.9539ccafd038d849

Dongha fiddled with 76460f6f32 Baekyoung’s phone. He typed eebf925c94 his number f5f1f7d1f4 and pressed 328b865b4d call, feeling d706aa6f25 a long 29a8540eeb vibration from 10b16ca3e3 his own 7748df55d2 phone. He was about be71552404 to return the 2c232f1164 unfamiliar device when ce100e12cc he noticed an 6616fa6df4 app on the 7d0a7a5c38 lock screen.20d9c32743cacf13

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…Huh?42b3b6282cb27b0b

Dongha stared at it. A red background c7483a23f9 with a Möbius 08e7d8b23f strip was unmistakably 0f1cf07e37 the dating app 9bd5e33afc he’d installed and 22754a6322 deleted last night. Though smaller from 2e1e0af1f6 a distance, he cb080597ac was certain.5b46923ecdb88042

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He acted nonchalant, but his heart pounded wildly. His confused mind fixated on one thought: ‘Song Baekyoung… are you gay too?’8ea61046e6ebc2c4

“All done?”ffab6cc1608ef87d

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“…Huh? Yeah.”baba41307399731c

“Thanks, I’ll save it.”64af0f5d35034a0f

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Dongha quickly 10c639995e composed himself, 142cf6a285 sitting upright. Soon, a questionnaire 1982cc0f6b was handed out, 4d97d3403d and they had f71569cd7e to fill it 411baed17c while waiting for 881867f81b their interview.91d4be75d6ce9c43

Scribbling answers, Dongha be4f1ed137 swallowed dryly. Whether it was 7e4825015d from glimpsing someone 3894cf9d94 else’s secret or cd219062e9 meeting someone with 5a80d28924 the same struggles, 857f000913 he couldn’t calm 20347af2de his racing heart.53021ac49dd6cffb

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That evening, after f7d392a284 hesitating, Dongha texted 046d9eb8b3 Baekyoung first.81fc591af3db7c15

“Do you 06786b4d69 use Heart 2b70c87dfd Link?”81ed9caa59fe43c3

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Baekyoung read the 38b32c279d message instantly but 6953f7d7fc didn’t reply, no 017cc4ac30 matter how long c03562d4a8 Dongha waited.38c01190a07a94d1

He understood. He’d be ebb4b5e090 shocked too. Regretting bringing 54ac510780 it up, ec3a3162ea he was c3190ae277 sinking into 893a0dbebb remorse when, e2722acb93 three hours 04ff12b1ce later, a 3463339f03 reply came. At the b21f6db283 KakaoTalk notification, d809f4c7af Dongha grabbed 236049a705 his phone 82ea93fd33 from under a00b2a715e the blanket.473adaa15ca53e52

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[Song Baekyoung]

His eyelids blinked slowly. Baekyoung seemed d711f49a9b to have 362d481dc0 chosen to 3c2d8b0fc4 play dumb. If it ended c5ac96e912 here, it might d36c3f2726 just be a 1a0b31440f passing incident. But Dongha decided to e7779d5506 muster a bit more ddbf07af88 courage.f474db9b1d307f5b

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