ESS Ch 0

“Nana.”

When my name is called, I react like a dog.

The name isn’t important. What’s important is the fact that it’s you calling me.

You, Remington.

I lift my head and see him, a champagne glass in hand, grinning. Remington, as always, is seated with impressive, elegant posture, surrounded by a throng of people.

The center of gravity always tilts towards you. Following Remington’s gaze, everyone at the party is looking at me. I can’t breathe.

“Come closer.”

He beckons me affectionately. I put down the book I was reading and approach him. It’s irresistible.

“What is it?”

“Everyone wants to see you.”

Remington smiles, wrapping an arm around my waist as I stand before him. He looks around at the crowd with a proud expression. His eyes seem to be saying:

‘See? She comes when I call.’

Remington pulls my wrist and seats me on his lap. My body sways sharply, but he handles me carelessly, like a broken doll. He presses down on my unsteady shoulders, pinning me in place as he presents me to everyone.

“Everyone, this is the Dana Roderson you’ve all been waiting for.”

His tone is like he’s introducing an item up for auction. The mischievous boys whistle and applaud. A wave of humiliation washes over me, but I don’t want to defy him here. I can’t defy him.

“Have you been drinking a lot?”

I whisper worriedly in Remington’s ear. But as if he hasn’t even heard me, he ignores me and tightens his grip on my shoulder.

“Why does everyone think you’re so prickly? You’re so kind and gentle.”

“Ugh, it hurts…”

“Answer me, Nana. Why does everyone misunderstand you so much?”

Remington, still holding me captive, uses his other large hand to stroke my head.

I feel the men’s gazes intensify in an instant. Those idiots, whose only interest is how to tame a woman, are looking at Remington with awe and at me with insidious eyes.

Sticky gazes exchanged without a word. Imagining the dirty thoughts lurking within them makes me want to scream, but I keep my mouth shut and endure. I will act as he wants. Kind and gentle.

“Everyone’s feeling a bit left out because you come to parties and just read your book. You rarely give anyone a chance to get to know you.”

“…Sorry.”

“You should say thank you in situations like this. They want to be friends with you.”

“…Mm. Thank you.”

Even after I give him the response he wants, Remington still looks displeased.

“You should say thank you with a smile.”

The hand on my shoulder slides like a snake, coming to rest on my cheek. Remington lightly pinches my frozen cheek and smiles.

“Hmm? Smile.”

“Now?”

My lips tremble with embarrassment.

But Remington pretends not to notice.

“Do it for Eddie, who says he masturbates thinking about you every night. Show him your smile.”

I stare at Remington.

But before I can tell him to stop, my jaw is caught in his large hand, and my head is forcibly turned towards Eddie.

“You don’t know who he is, do you? This is Eddie. Say hello, Eddie. This is Dana Roderson. Even prettier in person, isn’t she?”

“Hi, Roderson. Nice to meet you.”

Eddie greets me with a look of interest. He seems completely oblivious to the fact that I’m being held captive by Remington.

Kind. Gentle.

Fighting back tears, I manage to force the corners of my lips upwards.

“…Hi. Nice to meet you.”

The moment I utter those words, the hand gripping my jaw loosens. As his hand falls away, tension drains from my body as if I’ve been released from a long captivity. My pent-up breath escapes in a rush.

“Skilled, Nana. You made three dicks hard with just one smile.”

Remington chuckles, pointing at the boys’ crotches. They laugh along with him, miming jerking off motions in the air. Some even lick their lips at me like animals, as if ready to pounce the moment Remington gives them permission.

My head spins. The humiliation crawling over me like insects makes me want to claw at my skin. I move the hand gripping my skirt under the sleeve of my blouse and pinch and scratch the flesh near my wrist. As a sharp pain registers, Remington gently takes my hand in his.

“Shall we go somewhere quieter?”

As he leads me away by the hand, excited cheers erupt from the boys behind us. Some clap, some whistle derisively, while others openly express their envy.

Like a seasoned politician unfazed by a barrage of filth, Remington walks forward without flinching. I stare blankly at his hand holding mine, being dragged along like a child.

He leads me into a bedroom on the second floor and locks the door. Only then does the noise fade and silence descend. Remington leans me against the wall and gently takes my wrist.

“Don’t scratch. You’ll hurt yourself.”

Only then do I slowly raise my head. I’m desperate to see his face. The face that, after subjecting me to such horrific humiliation, must surely be a ruin itself.

Remington softly rubs my reddened wrist with his fingertips and whispers to me.

“Dani, are you okay?”

His words seem to be asking:

‘You idiot, do you still like me after all this?’

I nod dumbly. Tears well up in my eyes. A bitter smirk plays on Remington’s lips, and I rise up on tiptoe and kiss him. I like kissing him because I don’t have to see his expression then.

That hateful, contemptuous expression.

The sex that night is sweet and painful. Remington calls me “Dani” like he used to, and I like the sound of it. His body ravages me fiercely, and I like even that brutal touch that seems to want to break me.

If it means I can be loved again, I will kneel beneath him again and again. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how broken I become.

But that night, despite the languor left by the afterglow of our lovemaking, I can’t sleep. My mind, strangely, becomes increasingly clear.

The thought, “This isn’t right,” swells inside me like a puff of cotton. This isn’t right, this isn’t right, this, this, this….

Finally, I jump out of bed and run out of the room. The crowd that had filled the space so boisterously just hours before is gone, leaving only a cold silence in the vast mansion.

I run without direction. Until the vast ocean stretches before me under the black sky.

“Ha… ha…”

I clutch the railing, gasping for breath. The cold air of the dawn sea penetrates my lungs, and my throat feels like it’s tearing with each intake of breath.

I don’t know why I jumped out of bed in the middle of the night and ran all the way to the sea. I just thought I needed to breathe.

To breathe, to take a very deep breath.

Where did it all go wrong? The tangled threads make it impossible to discern their original form. Misfortune, by its nature, obscures its beginnings.

Just as I take a deep breath, my phone rings, piercing through the sound of the waves.

Did you do it?

After reading the message, I shove the trembling phone back into my coat pocket. Calls and messages continue to pour in.

Black, unpleasant things fill me up inside like mold. I want to vomit. My body demands it.

Stumbling, I grip the railing.

I scream with all my might towards the black sea.

But all around is silent.

As if no one had ever screamed at all.

＊＊＊

Dear Daniel,

I hope this letter reaches you safely. But I don’t know what to write or where to begin.

I don’t want to think about the sins I’ve committed. Instead, I want to talk about the terrible screams I’ve heard.

About the incessant ghosts, each screaming their own screams, unheard by anyone.

Remington Howard.

This is his story.

Remington Howard, called “Howard” by some, “Remi” or “Rem” affectionately by others.

But to me, he is simply Remington.

It’s been a long time since I started liking him.

Remington often boasts, “You fell in love with me at first sight,” but I can tell you that’s not true. Every time Remington spouts such nonsense, I realize how clueless he is about himself.

He clearly doesn’t know what an annoying person he was in high school. No sane girl, no matter how handsome he was, would fall in love at first sight with a boy so capricious, arrogant, and inscrutably shady.

I was no different. I swear, I had no desire to get close to Remington. Even though everyone else in school was dying to befriend him.

I was just… a little bothered by him. I never imagined that such a small annoyance would lead to such a great downfall…