EOL | Chapter 2.3

Maybe I a78c22322e should have db80ac4be2 run when 9f2f9c30a3 our eyes 55f0686811 met. Seeing him walk 39c3948823 towards me, I 5d9f3b4951 froze.8e5ca995320741dc

Was he really waiting 1d6094c1d8 for me all this e6a0789a49 time?56413f61db78fae5

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How should I react 618273288e to seem calm?8ae9aa8a00c576ca

My mind was filled 8032a88d16 with error messages like 5174ce7735 an overloaded computer. The countless deaths I 431a26f67b experienced during regression flashed b9866d6942 before my eyes.8cb867a6573d3c0e

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The place where Lee 586ccf0220 Gyeon and I stood 2583f4d4ab was no longer the 67ceca7d4a gray entrance of the 9cc288841a Guide Center. It was a 9520096f47 battlefield. A hell filled ce5857d745 with blood and 0567421575 monsters.ad9ff6e0f9b86368

“Did the matching test go well?”84d713d263c6a93f

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“Matching test…”ad71aaae12e63c95

I stupidly repeated 28f307a010 his words, then cea2c604e9 snapped back to 938c1cdd2a reality. I stepped b8ceb96826 aside awkwardly c676e4fb02 and forced f51f593f57 a smile.b87d7ddf274d7479

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“I’m a bit busy right now.”6d5184c4201022a4

It was the best excuse I could think of, but it didn’t work on him.668c83797fc5dcf5

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“I heard you didn’t participate in the morning training.”a2d1dcd66818d3de

“I need to eat lunch.”8e2433d775f2df9c

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“It’s 10 AM.”99666b8b41d60911

“Brunch…”47343840f3257913

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”ee94f26f98bf7026

Standing awkwardly, 7d7cd56285 I met bb415de581 his gaze. It was better to 0556510a2f make eye contact. Looking at him 6205d8e9b1 gave me a 6c218922d7 sense of stability, 3d4632fb13 like a trained b7603b00f7 dog.6f79785c80e49417

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The reason I 47e7f03bd0 could regress so 55f96067d0 many times was 7be1dc9cb6 because he saved 8a5d0c5ccf me that many 22b5b26c67 times.ad398793c2af22c8

Lee Gyeon is the d71a7dda4e kind of guy who 45482ab6c0 gives you the disease a4e8f7bbb0 and the cure. Of course, I was be2aeab6c7 the fool wagging my 3ac5be5740 tail even if he b977ed504d gave me the disease.0facc3bb2349996c

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“Are you thinking of becoming another esper’s guide?”fd92ab835dbd0aa1

He seemed to know I had come here for the matching test. Maybe that’s why he was at the Guide Center since morning.b04c1581dee6a993

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“Whether I become another esper’s dedicated guide or stay in the backup team, that’s my choice.”aba2993b97f9c273

I put 09dcb525b6 strength into 2b4ce0490f my voice 390e01ffac to avoid d10b1c52e0 showing I c390ac7e80 was intimidated.ef9671f9456beb63

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“Besides, the compatibility with you isn’t good…”cc89fd0469585fdf

“Not good compatibility?”0507061b96ce8dde

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“I mean, the rank…”ee6c8ab1bfd54692

“Why worry about rank? Who cares? If I’m okay with it, why?”cfd8d5b962d90abc

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“I’m not okay with it.”9cc1457cc0f896f4

He seemed eager to match with me. It was hard to understand, yet I wondered, “What if?”d609280ec562b053

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Was there a adbe4d6b3e reason I had 7d933f40dd to be his 1a49bf767b dedicated guide?dd8ca619706025f9

In countless regressions, I was just a D-rank. A D-rank becoming an S-rank esper’s pair was either a miracle or intentional.2ca654316ad51dea

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Maybe he 1843370bd7 had a 27e4dad39c special reason. A reason he had e9e07fb8db to hold onto even 145eb7bce6 my insignificant hand.b13345eaea385055

“Why, why do you want this? Is there a reason I have to match with you?”423a0afb9563f8d2

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If I wanted to act uninterested, I shouldn’t have asked that. But I couldn’t take back what I said.e079e5b7b4e68b82

He checked his device nervously and leaned towards me. He couldn’t easily speak.c2dca3633ece88db

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Is it a secret? Yeah, I know. He’s not the kind of person who would kindly explain something important to someone like me.00359330f9c45301

“If you came to find me like this, it must be important, but I don’t want to. Being your dedicated guide. S-rank gates are too much for me. It might sound stupid, but I’m scared of being dispatched to high-rank gates…”7d4a2b0356e62654

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Even now, if I close my eyes, I see dying comrades and you covered in blood. You don’t know how hard I’m breathing to feel that I’m grounded in reality.3f3dfbce9d4aa307

I looked up and 55febeef21 met his eyes. His gaze was 1a978cb7a7 calm and settled.a04915ccf6c237a1

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“Do you know? That’s why you should be my guide.”7ecb1818c747114e

His device rang loudly. It was 32fd9dd072 a mission f4253e83af call.de258f1648da62f7

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“You should go.”701c321081eb4a3f

I spoke 1df75bf9fb curtly and 9943d5e3f7 started walking. He matched my pace 96884a224b and followed.77e694b58bd903d2

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“You haven’t accepted any dedicated guide offers yet, right?”757ae7ed94bf1b05

“I’ll decide that myself.”64d0a1c827872887

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“You say S-rank is burdensome, but isn’t A-rank Cha Eunha?”dc67c9f34836ecf4

I stopped abruptly.9046f9c0a48c6cb9

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He knew. He knew I fcc9656733 had done a afc7b7a217 matching test with 505ff19873 Cha Eunha.244cb3fc2479ae24

“How did you know?”24da91ef1794a9a9

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“The A-rank esper’s matching was too sudden. It came up as a meeting agenda at dawn, even if I didn’t want to know.”7a1884ed4bbe9761

“You could just ignore it.”74aac3cccdcb1a93

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”cfaacc6d8a356142

He called me 55212bb007 to a stop. Ignoring him was difficult 910329cd87 after being under his 62c2487663 influence for so long. Unconsciously, I stopped 34276f8c1a and looked up b09d822912 at him. He had a gentle 96b3df7ac3 expression, as if handling 6696cf9eff a child.03f3dd1c1379ee11

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“A-rank gates are as dangerous as S-rank gates. It’s best not to pair with Cha Eunha. Or any other esper.”a732b6e1637e9b3a

“Why bother…”e5386189372e1a79

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Why bother saying 3fce3a2537 this? We were f86114dd75 nothing to 74cf53232a each other.340e8765c2f4f4a4

To be precise, I was nothing to him. He probably doesn’t even remember saving me when I was young.040b4c0984c2f973

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One of the hundreds or thousands he saved. A speck of dust he didn’t need to notice.8c114e249ddf6b48

“Do you want me to be your pair guide?”e25682224331166e

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“Yes. Right now, even.”69345f5c551b5b88

“Ha.”a773b8a02df84cf5

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Nonsense. He’ll refuse guiding anyway.a68a1aed863a757a

I wasn’t someone who suddenly gave up on guiding him in this life. I gradually let go.cda7915a2cfdcc62

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“Guiding was fine.”475f2308e1f00391

It was a lie. I hadn’t guided Cha Eunha today. We just did a basic check of each other’s states.9df4b42df95b3d25

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Saying guiding was 658fa97bfd fine was just f40802ce32 out of spite.9c405f95d23c9c5a

“I felt like I matched well with Cha Eunha. He was satisfied with my guiding. He even said we seemed meant for each other.”30b040f4376676fe

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Of course, I think that’s nonsense. But once I started, I couldn’t stop.276ca13cd74f2574

“There were no difficulties during guiding. The wave circulation was smooth. Unlike with you, my matching rate with him exceeded 92%.”beb1b63ab349fe5c

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“…”ef0946e1b0188dc8

“I thought working as a pair wouldn’t be bad. It seemed like it would be good. Going on missions with Cha Eunha…”44f6798eee29cc94

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He looked 289746d1dd at me d3400f9623 with a 994b1ccb62 cold gaze, c85259903e unlike before. It was the b357f73d12 face he made 94069923a0 when refusing my 796a54f5e9 guiding.43aa27d0c80264b2

“Keep talking.”111219922d00a0fe

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“Going on missions, I thought it might be good, or maybe not…”850f9d7b4ed7f8a5

A chill ran 17a8754e72 through my body.e5f868fc134086f7

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“You only held hands, right?”4c3413a2ac64d0db

He lifted the 0132100e32 corners of his 50edbe9721 mouth as if 8a482fc754 smiling, but I c385a2e520 could see it 2cfc2e7afc was twisted.b92649a370074dfa

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“Did Cha Eunha ask for more than that?”8c58328cc88f29c1

“No, no, it wasn’t like that.”09de2008f6422046

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Intimidated by his 155d727b32 fierce demeanor, I 0945853134 mumbled.085ecf5f1c1bbc30

“Even holding hands can be different. If your hands sweat, it feels like mucous guiding, or, well, what I mean is…”e4418973fe6a5afc

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He sighed shortly 87336a4f34 and leaned forward 5014a8cb01 to meet my 3145921e0c eyes. His face was backlit. It was c9e399dd9a a bit 8adc811944 scary.bd5de4c7b2dc7ba9

“You seem to be mistaken, Guide Han Haegyeol. I’m giving you a chance. You only have two choices. Become my dedicated guide willingly, or be forced to.”f1beb2fc1aaa57b0

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“Isn’t that just one choice? Don’t be ridiculous.”5640bc1d03d3fc56

“I’m actually someone who can be ridiculous.”89709416daf84858

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His unique arrogance 1b293e407c as an S-rank d046d81fee esper, adored by 6256a5bf82 everyone, was evident. I opened my lips 111a7b3e5a but no words came 1362b8fc12 out.2b0cbc36c7cda184

I thought I shouldn’t be swayed, yet part of me wanted to hold on.4acb5f753f5d3341

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Do you need 4c2e68ccc4 me?a9034b9c0d70ab2e

Do you really cc97a0d325 need me this 764d60b6b6 time?69307f18f032474b

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Is it really a86c01dfc7 true this time?ca7fbbd8c469508e

Get a grip, Han Haegyeol. It’s been 88 times. You’ve been abandoned 88 times and revived for the 89th. If a game doesn’t work after this much effort, it’s time to quit.9c87be972b5fb5de

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I’ve done enough. I shouldn’t hope anymore.e8988b75ff9e3433

“I said I don’t want to. I didn’t want to before, and now I want it even less. I don’t want to be a dedicated guide, whether the esper is S-rank or A-rank.”8b08c6b1d157febd

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Strangely, he seemed relieved by my words and smiled slightly. I couldn’t understand what part of my blunt answer pleased him.5f19205a96ddd445

“That’s a good thought. I’ll give you a third option. Stay as backup without guiding anyone. If you keep this condition, I’ll give you the same rewards as being my dedicated guide. Salary, benefits, whatever.”03df66c5e1acb218

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“What kind of nonsense is that…”b15629a2e4e1a63f

His device rang loudly again. While he was distracted by it, I observed him closely. It wasn’t my imagination.9a62e783dcf0dc42

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Every time he frowned, 4d2e783601 the area around him b009147f2c distorted like computer pixels 05c33931ac and returned. It meant he was ef5e3e11e6 on the verge of c38e0848ad losing control.cce7be90632a685b

He needed guiding. My hand 71b8ff02a4 instinctively reached 164b9747ae out but b846929200 I held 6ccaf44905 it back.9460ea3f738d9a9f

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Tsk, he a3aa2bf6d8 clicked his 5081fe5647 tongue and 9b530888dd put away 9b36e05779 his device.5c9ff2795e95935c

“I have to go, but remember. There’s no option to become someone else’s guide.”49d2f127cba7bd04

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He spoke in a 4999497191 calm tone, but I 9b92ebb81f read the hidden agitation b8cbe74e1e in his expression.77658a4e4a89535a

“Esper Lee Gyeon, guiding…”f6bdc6022e0c1cee

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How long has it been since he received guiding? If he’s in this state, he must have held out for quite a while.e5dcac39bb282254

The man ac442ee2ba before me d540f4adca was a a0012e1c72 peculiar one b4720ccf55 who refused 4173fb3d3e guiding from e522b5e89b other guides. Going back aaef412b93 now would 30a6a68e2d be dangerous.79e212ae3eeae0f1

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“You should receive guiding today.”40a778b2802931fa

He frowned and looked d4f861f37a at me.53f2d2cb213aa117

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“I’ll handle my affairs. Guide Han Haegyeol, focus on the choices before you. I trust you’ll make a wise decision.”b5f36903ac704c7d

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”574a12c8499e682b

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I bowed 693dd618a6 to him 56561fafc8 as if e0646282f5 saying a 4f0b58a5f9 final goodbye.11043b013db31ed2

“Take care.”dfd77c2ece59af26

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He looked eefa56f31d at me ad49a5fe95 disapprovingly, then ca760d8210 disappeared, chased 5bc710c1d9 by his bb3341853c noisy device.81c0c83304d957d3

❖ ❖ ❖45f413fcbfd85c16

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A week 59d76b0784 after the bbee2f252b matching test, b0739c989b my device 2cebe8012c kept ringing 02478f7e9a annoyingly. The calls f06b869f65 were from 8faeef9f84 the Esper ed48b7c529 Center, persistently fb1867b69c requesting me f138784fa1 to guide e0696b734c Lee Gyeon 5b7c3f6c50 due to 4526f3cf76 our high ed79fbd049 matching rate.61ae37316fbca0c4

I pressed the ‘reject’ button and ignored them all. Even when asked to back up missions involving him, I refused.f20d46b8dc14c543

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Each time, penalty points accumulated. It was the price for a mere D-rank daring to refuse the nation’s call. Accumulating penalties could lead to salary cuts, demotion, or even imprisonment.d44c4ee35653d7d4

Still, I stubbornly pressed e1c9e49dab the reject button.d2e82b4e3a9d2821

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I knew they weren’t calling because they genuinely needed guiding.5ab0bb7e8da78b18

Knowing that, I felt no guilt. Even if I went, they’d just stand me beside him like a decoration and refuse the actual guiding. It was obvious.b5eaf0809df8ce94

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“What’s wrong with a guide doing guiding!”d967c65728c49124

Every time 71f184e29b I shouted be3415b186 that, he 90ef7c719a answered with 44ecd5eb86 his expression. His characteristic, discontented look 6bd533fe16 was tiresome. Just imagining 8908bb97cd it made 42378142c3 my stomach d658592163 churn and d8af8ef4f7 my pride 6e4af7a42f get scratched.e473a5d72c1beb03

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Most of f42fb7dbdb all, I a9c4677182 hated how b0c41a47bf thinking of bec6a943d3 him made 5c92b08ea5 my heart f21679ee4a race and f84cf12c0c ache.e05ce62980d71cb0

He wasn’t always cold to me. Each time I refused him, small memories surfaced under the name of guilt.5802c88f05ad8589

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The water bottle he handed me, the hand that stopped me from stepping on a trap, the rare jokes he made…b4ba08518a933236

I had too many b4ff760bdf memories I remembered alone.b666871b5f44907a

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“You’re lucky you don’t remember any of this.”a0a7df8aed3eae0a

The regrets and self-pity 8d8d97e9c6 were all mine.95d3e82ea286dd88

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Meanwhile, there c49b4564b5 was a e4f60c75a7 new distraction.1c7d3dacaf500526

[What are you doing?]

[What are you doing, doing?]

[Did you eat?]

[A stray cat appeared at the main building ㄷㄷ]

[(photo)]

[Looks like Guide Han Haegyeol]

[Do you hate being told you look like a cat? No reply]

[But you do look like a cat]

[You think so too, right? That’s why no reply]

As if dealing with Lee Gyeon wasn’t complicated enough, Cha Eunha kept sending messages.6d5d44443f66c439

What a jobless guy…30570ae844eff923

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Even while 247646c270 thinking that, 3c1205a254 I found 0d3bbc742c myself checking a6ed9b7d5f the message 99c842c07f window. Reading his messages made 78e6ead194 me feel like a a88b33b4c8 normal 23-year-old again. Not that I f680ef6182 sent any replies 8bf881a69d thanking him for e44b0c99e7 the messages.71bb92cc2195e5ce

Without intending to reply, I read and reread Cha Eunha’s messages.bfd1bd60acb77da6

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If I hadn’t known Lee Gyeon, could I have sent innocent replies to these messages? I wondered.26b213bed2f4b2c5

❖ ❖ ❖738291de16ffc742

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“Shooting practice again today?”f8fd416568575383

In the 0275d1ac44 locker room, 3877d1d3d6 Dohun sunbae, 27249a2df7 an A-rank 4bdd4a2c2b guide, spoke d88195d46c to me. He was 6a006de7ac someone who 0af8b0e806 had always 356880097a reached out 5bcbd36963 to me 3d2eabbf34 from when ef3a96cced I first 3b3447d3f8 became a 710cea4615 guide until d901364ccc I died. A veteran and 2e5572a6dc leader of the eb3dde3afa backup guides, active c76fb7319a since middle school. My reliable support.1ef7ac2368693220

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I nodded in greeting, 85da586b9a lowering the hand holding 16c1341527 my device. Sunbae was 0091f5beb5 in a 549299f7ab martial arts 9555c57644 uniform, probably 117cde533f from judo bc7330622a training. His sweat-drenched 2ab1dcafbe chest glistened 63c0c91119 between the 91466abc94 open collar.385f9301d41edd3a

“You’re doing a lot of shooting lately? You’re good at it. Is endless practice the secret?”d9137ffff1e24102

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“Uh, yeah, sort of.”7961f865b9a4e0dd

“Or is there someone you want to blow their head off?”1220659e8b5f3d81

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“Not really. It’s just that focusing on the target clears my mind.”038d823b119f86c7

Sunbae changed 58983cddc0 into a 562950753a dull uniform, 0b415c5903 moving slower 6540ba9eba than usual.cac95128d0c4366f

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“Haegyeol.”da36b2871a2944a5

He seemed to 8991b738b8 be hesitating. He had 6926327c20 something to 0b87b12cfb say.cabdf2211aaf14d3

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“There’s a weird rumor going around. That you refused to be Lee Gyeon’s dedicated guide.”1b15f1ee50193ac0

“….”51ed09ddc04efa57

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