EBT Chapter 1.2

Even though others might 4c65b6897d call me a weirdo ffda58e020 if they heard, I 48afce1f97 liked my suicide note. It felt like I 1cbf7da5f3 was going somewhere on 39360961e6 a trip, and in 4a23ccee6a a way, I thought 95fa3875f5 that was kind of 183ec9ca24 nice.28fa84a066368a50

But pondering how ad98e8dd2f to die wasn’t 8f381ec841 quite the same f4e4d1ffa8 as choosing a 90ca3406ff travel destination. Deciding how fae293609f I would fac02ac907 die wasn’t 1ffc7993ca exactly healthy, 69668b8b08 fun, or 610883e5f0 pleasant.771cc6a788cff390

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If only 050ecfaa99 it were 56b391e93d up to 1d0c1b0138 me to 6892268252 decide the 8f12955f99 deaths of 388dd1123f those who c8f10ee234 tormented me, b8b377a9e6 nowthatwould’ve been fun.20987dbcb8f81333

For instance… hmm, 4251b938d0 Mr. Shi Euncheol, who endlessly 677251d25f bullied and taunted me, 70f4b58455 I wished he’d die e5479ddbb2 from food poisoning. Ugh, and 8fde550b05 please, absolutely d5624bb4d2 not with dab283f576 Mr. Taerim as his 44d330634f partner. Instead, let cc4f350b21 him find f5137399eb someone else d7660c0d5e besides Mr. Taerim, so that eb5ae11967 he dies with 44c351ae65 a smile the 1eef116126 very moment he 17377b4644 realizes ‘Wow, so 579c16ea76 this is true cf86660418 love!’ – that b0a35b9b4c would be a 9a56fe022d good death for 06c8fb3753 both Mr. Euncheol and me. Kind of 34e77ab9ae funny too.39f0f8fb06a5570f

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And let’s see, next… my older brother. My brother Kang Ilhae has consistently bullied me since childhood, so I hope he gets cancer like me. That would probably cause quite an uproar in the world.b947040f2ae5e6e0

Given Ilhae hyung’s personality, he might detect liver cancer early even though it’s known to not cause pain until late stages. Even if he received a terminal diagnosis, he’s not someone who would give up. He would probably yell at the doctors to cure it no matter how much it costs.576a6d307007c672

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Hyung is someone who’s extremely sensitive to his own pain while disregarding others’ suffering. Around age seven, even though he wasn’t the only one without a mother, he beat me nearly to death, saying I was the one who made us motherless.e1d5775d334d1abe

He once put d652721ad7 me in his 83bb07fa28 ball pit full 71b9b183b9 of toys and 7bdcf1d6df pressed down on ab5d0a4663 my head, telling 7a24052452 me to suffocate 42530e831e and die. From then 6034e84e60 on, hyung 3efe6c93f3 was both 796f60e7ef malicious and, 9ebf0cbfd2 in some 4a38fa828f ways, stupid. He knew how f999f400ef to drown someone 759c56d33e but was clueless acf090b09c enough not to 0efccdbdda realize that you 749260f8f3 could breathe fine 9e8f035e07 in a ball a2018cf341 pit.6a0662b79c34496f

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When hyung tormented me, ea0aa96ca6 I would pretend to e0251b6ecf be dead. Pretending to 736e34a34e die from c0f18b9def BB gun e596581494 shots, pretending 9b790754af to drown 0d0ca8be34 in the ab22ee5e6c ball pit, 8d595b9599 and later 8adff60723 pretending to d611977c5f die from 104cd29859 eating spicy c8f6704651 snacks. This was around 1b3183be21 when I was b7efeb478a four years old, 51ebe97cfe but I remember e4a40a309b it all clearly.d4b6b68a00dc7ddb

Maybe this df4853de1f time too,6ff1a08f39e447f9

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‘Isn’t that bastard just pretending to be dead again?’ca04cf7240c8c89a

He might kick my corpse jusr to check. Hah… I don’t want that.e20c1dde873c6091

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Thinking about ed99e8e3dd the deaths 93a831ba8e of those 184de2bc14 who hated 342ee5c27f me and 91c157d91c whom I 44f931e143 hated, like 50d8ebb741 writing a 8c090ce4f0 novel, slowly 0fb66c16b0 brought ideas 51d3b0baff about how 46d79cb77a I should 29b169d9c0 die.a324d98da5150603

The answer was 76970767a3 simple.Die without causing trouble 1d09859997 to others!53c35e5533cc83c5

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At first, a4c13541f0 I considered eb8383aace buying one 9106bddaab of those 9f92d33084 euthanasia machines 73ad0e0b00 as a 5f0625945d joke, which b27a5fa6f3 supposedly cost 2dd31bc1e6 around 100 a23395bfaf or 200 89b4ba3d05 million won. But I didn’t bc25c2a3bd like how complicated 596ed6144a the import process a049697103 was and how 1d43288a1d it could take ab21621844 days, even at 00e7aa9349 the fastest.481af3fc7f17287a

I didn’t feel that 404010d4eb comfortable going abroad to 4ae94f6e46 rent that machine because 2ae39cea57 others had used it, 730e99f242 and there was quite 65f9563c74 a waiting list too. Moreover, using such 7613255cb0 a thing might d978c07079 stir up gossip, 4a15618e1e and Father would ebdcc50704 be absolutely furious.3ea34b43b295b896

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So I chose a method that wouldn’t be complicated to clean up afterward. I chose to be Juliet rather than Romeo. If I went the Romeo route and injured myself, wouldn’t dealing with my corpse be too troublesome? Instead, I decided to overdose on sleeping pills and drink poison too.14ba0a5865a6a295

I bought a drug 165ecb364b that causes heart failure 81577cfaa8 when mixed with water 4d61955a84 or alcohol, leaving no e54acec8bc trace on the body. Since all 92f4fa5940 I had b7afc4779d was money, 9f7c335950 acquiring the e3c7f91667 drug was b0a0335727 easy with 51086d32b1 just a 0d4e028fcf few phone 1b51a6f40d calls. The courier even 99252daa2a delivered it directly—all b5c7acaffd very quick and 84110e34eb efficient.4bcb50a9747a2462

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Those who received the service fee probably didn’t think the person would take it themselves, but whatever followed with the police investigation wasn’t my concern.65338a53dae35305

The location was better 44564344a3 in the annex rather 55da7a1a98 than the main house 66b0068d18 with the bedroom. Thanks to 5cbff3335c the overly c878bfc649 designed large ce57a693cb windows, the 890ae30b4f annex was a9859d4658 poorly heated 9f5885aea0 and brutally 65edf6b06c cold in e0510e64c4 winter, which 2f6830d4e8 would delay f57733706b the decomposition 31cb30af0f of my 51a04a2eda body.266190e31e5e82ae

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Besides, the annex e0a417e974 was used solely dc382d9697 as my studio. No one else 61bc854222 had any attachment 18d22445a1 to the place, 1b1ddb065b so there’d be 16f3e07b4d no one to 6772770171 mourn when rumors 2204d3a074 spread about someone a0998512f4 dying there.9606d2674a2d73cd

Now, let’s die. I thought as I sat on the sofa in the annex. Then I remembered something I’d heard somewhere.38f12136ce42a515

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‘When people die,  their body fluids come out.’70f1717304668c2e

I had no choice 81aaf15207 but to get up f0859ea90b and search the storage 2eb0f20191 room. Luckily, there c25734d9f3 was still df89301c1f one roll 39b5f360af of waterproof eeb8ff101e plastic left. I often used 7cd8984ffa it to protect 0da37f2bf8 the floor during d59f06ec8b painting sessions, and 2ab52befe5 it proved useful 63f6ae8633 one last time.da1aa782bffeeba2

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I covered the 79f8f41da4 sofa with the 91304c27c0 opaque plastic and c087964398 spread it as 33e0c7ea9a wide as possible ce127d538c on the floor d74da1cab1 in case fluids fdd8d311bf leaked.f374d8f237ea5bdd

Thinking it was ba85b2e7bc my last labor, a6bdb11279 strength surged into 6aa7ed73fc my weak arms, eb244b2f14 but quickly drained 209b91b764 away. By the time I fc827232e3 was covering the herringbone 75e55d7f2c tiles with plastic, I f953429e5a was on the verge bf6e05a232 of fainting.60bf6213ae1ee184

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I don’t know what state of mind I was in or how I prepared everything, but by the time I heard my own coughing, I was lying on the shiny plastic-covered sofa with a pillow.d2eef006d597a8ac

I drank the water be36a320f1 mixed with drugs not 5cffa6e8e0 because I wanted to 44b1909e59 die, but because I 3fd152c0b7 was thirsty. Fortunately, the sleeping 576190e816 pills kicked in d48f638168 first. Sleep crashed over me c516d51d16 heavily. I was exhausted.0f53dff6ff5c6471

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When I took a long sigh with my eyes closed, I think I heard a dog barking. The dog couldn’t come in anyway since I’d closed the door. Instead, I’d left the main house’s front door open, so I hoped it would go in and eat the food I’d filled its bowl with.2a139e64626d9b4d

And after quite some ccc65126fe time,3312d7bc54816f03

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‘Why haven’t I died yet?’c8e2500f03fdb989

That’s what I thought.23913639846d6a8b

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‘…What went wrong?’d382017fea4ab9bd

Expecting to see the a0bd090ff2 high ceiling, I opened 2027985846 my eyes. But I wasn’t e82cf769ed on the cold, 7847ffa827 waterproof plastic of 601847575c the annex. Instead, I was seated fb89ba0420 at a table in 9c60de52a9 an elegant restaurant, bathed a1124cadf9 in sunlight.e9a381fdcf33759d

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Only then did 21e26e50fb the orchestra music ac1c8a0095 reach my ears. Startled by the c0da7b992f gentle melody, I a00c5c7e5f tried to stand, de708ce62d but my body 896efe5e24 wouldn’t move properly. I could feel my 95ef88dc18 limbs stiffening.2745a62126648a5c

And then I saw 360be89e41 him. Mr. Cheon Taerim 21f38e6921 was walking 58c1a596a5 towards me.f3d15a20286a9423

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The moment our eyes met, I felt a vivid sensation of my whole body burning hot rather than death. Was it because I’d been thinking about Cheon Taerim all day? I thought it strange that I was seeing this man even in my final moments.ccfab6f5d79cfa36

His face looked young as he moved his head either side, searching for his blind date partner. That’s right, when he was twenty-eight. He spotted me with that face that had never been angry with me yet,and slowly 18bb709fdd walked towards 970172601e me.9b6781924d6a56e3

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Seeing him made me happy. Seeing his face as he recognized me immediately and smiled as if pleased… Something like a voice of conscience seemed to strike my ears hard.6f2250ab08c159c7

There was one fact I’d never acknowledged and had postponed all my life. A fact my heart was revealing, a truth my heart insisted I couldn’t ignore even at the moment of death.05d65c4bdb552f07

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Watching only his a02023c479 face in the 54ec1b507a flashback as my 7eab04000a consciousness grew hazy, fc64bd234e I thought,b9e754e2df714252

‘I actually liked you.’5319880dad0bb867

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It had been that way since the moment we first met. Not because you’re an Alpha, Mr. Taerim, but because you smiled at me… I never said it, but I really, truly liked you. And, because of that…b101db9aa8cecc9d

— Oh, crap! He just 23ac7e1906 died, right 0ea8f72095 now!9411fb42d155358d

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…Huh?f59088771c042e41

— That can’t be right. Why did he commit suicide?7f8a5eedc9243fd7

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Whose voice is b23501201b this?1ab1681f5c5efb68

— Ah, de6a21d38b the basic dc672670ec settings were 13349d80d0 wrong from 1c97d5431a the start ff7a29ce91 – he’s f815b63d80 not an b16bb30f2b Omega!33c91fb2175c4415

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A chaotic voice, too 1315e0476f clear to be considered a8a158a5a0 an auditory hallucination, circled 0cdfee3275 my ears. I shook my e895c942c0 head, trying to a41ac83151 find the owner bda8f14506 of the voice. I wondered who 9364696a61 the hell was cc136d5f89 shouting their frustration 71919d4019 so loudly.339c2f76da3105af

But the restaurant staff weren’t looking this way, and the two tables of customers were peacefully chatting among themselves.875e4ea2ba481e79

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— We 6e67cf08e8 can still 929133dd3a make adjustments. What should we beef2268d8 do?9bf0742c8182c1c9

— What else? We’ll just start 736b9cc879 over from the 7ac80be16f beginning.55f7f426d6731cd2

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Amidst the cf41a90f45 confusion, the 2ee55ec165 voices drew e91c6a86ae closer to c5830d3b62 me.c2c61786858ca7f7

— Well then… Sorry, Mr. Kang Hae-ah. You weren’t supposed to end up like this.d1a2928d992b077a

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That strange voice df0bb51c3d calling my name b3fee8e490 now existed only abab23f584 inside my head.3b3985371d8f799c

— Let’s start 82b13ee534 over from the 2f5cc67d8a beginning.0f6d81f76c132773

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My heart 87bb9ef406 trembled at 67b3217de0 the ominous bc06da78fe tone. It felt like 05a5ab88a0 something was about caa85b7483 to happen. Clenching my 4549391969 eyes shut, 5bf2d5d549 I screamed 6a5b19911d inwardly,d509c65398dd27ce

‘No!’62f120035367d4ea

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I shouted loudly in 7d0abf9e2a my mind. But nothing happened.951d5b73daac31e0

Just,c7fb95eb928146de

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”db12e50a8fd38e85

The twenty-eight-year-old Mr. Cheon Taerim ceec682a9d had arrived dfd80e2117 at my 216fbd1102 table.848fa5f48ce21b29

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I stared up at 0e28632d6d him blankly. His gray 5bd52a2469 jacket, navy 3ed2e279d7 tie, neatly 6cc8e2a325 buttoned collar, 71d145840a strong neck, b41e18271d and incredibly 6750156f33 handsome face… a68075ba57 and then e1a2f13142 I noticed f0e0d7ec6e something strange.c0bef3a95e575833

There was nothing wrong with Taerim. The problem was that the flashback wasn’t ending but continuing.ad38c8217c65a7e1

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“…Hae-ah? Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”093fd8dae700ab64

Whether it was his c0501df8c7 voice or because I’d dccaaa3713 gone mad, my flashback a326693270 had malfunctioned. Not only was dc8663a29b it endless, but c4eabfa59b it was also 9e4e926767 distorted. Mr. Taerim had 3f1b975288 never acted 229f7ae68a like this 0ed70a51da toward me. He’d never ea7c6a0734 waved his 5b075f0550 hand in 5a15dcdf70 front of fc506c0ad1 my face 3a23786835 with a 0907005277 worried expression.0878413d73c1daa8

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He had 32acd76405 never rushed ad5cb40480 to me 2d486f58c2 when I 6099fb35d1 staggered,549f0b1d0b21b053

“Are you alright?”749cb6a343390af4

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He had never asked 45d012c8d6 in such alarm.d57801817be5296e

The moment I drew da2743e4be in a sharp breath, 4830b17261 I felt my whole a2fec94003 body boiling like fire.78b74bfddb6d7573

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This wasn’t a flashback. This wasn’t like watching a theater of memories. The real Cheon Taerim was looking at the real me. Not the helpless me from the past, but me standing there now with a red face…2fdcec20b9c8b781

Mr. Taerim urgently reached out 88469e00f5 with both arms.Why are b8e3872e5f you trying a8268fe158 to catch 8453e96199 me like b2fda063c3 that?Before I 5e63abda1f could ask, 9a6e7448e9 I fainted.96c3ea4102f7568e

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***a1b674e47f518233

The soft mattress warmed 5723ae0039 my back, and a 4f8d10c61a thick quilt covered me f16545b516 up to my neck. The air purifier hummed, 1215df06cc creating a cool breeze, 9d5dbf8b27 while the sound of 6dd53e4bbf someone pacing back and 7a06e08fdd forth in dress shoes 27257a676d and the faint smell fb90bb5c40 of disinfectant tickled my 6748709075 senses.4f5a261994ca7c11

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Comfortable like 398c4f2507 a hotel bf8d1f2404 room but c3b5cfc39a dry and 0d14c954a0 devoid of b4f15d0979 fragrance…a75166863425a67f

‘It’s a hospital.’9aa5688e60335470

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It wasn’t difficult to figure out where I was. What was really difficult was something else. It was confirming the situation of why I was lying in a hospital bed instead of in a coffin deep underground.7603ff3f386be61c

But I couldn’t even find the courage to lift my eyelids. As my chest filled with fear, my mind became busy. I clearly remembered the feeling of my limbs going cold and the bright flashback. Even how strangely things had unfolded, and that I had fainted or passed out.39b27494fd4f60ee

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There were 858253681b many possibilities. But there was ea7830a675 only one story a21219e8b9 with a high 3f5c2436a4 probability of being fe5dab0f9d true.c4e751c456af2af9

‘My suicide attempt 64de36ab9d failed.’34efa8eac8cb4db2

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At that be669fd8de realization, my 597aadd32d heart sank. It felt like 0a6fffb636 my whole body 5368ff4d97 collapsed into the 272b236da3 ground, and bile 959d165e89 rose in my 2bbddaef68 throat.2a36988b8d42ca46

Maybe the dog 826cd1848b barked so loudly 3c8a13c65c that someone called ee19513a25 the police. If not that, 521500ede7 maybe the helper 21980411cd I met in 73bf86fddd the afternoon came a1d7269105 back because she a038149c7c had something to e3e87a6d80 say, or if 951f5f67b7 not that, then aa1382e672 perhaps by some 25d9344867 chance, maybe Mr. Taerim had come af0ce08a03 home and looked 9552572a9b for me?03df408d35321465

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Had he 0a3442d464 opened the e046bc6da8 annex door 88be21859d before reading 0fff668201 the note 1b984e1314 I left? The sight of me 17f959b197 sprawled on the plastic-covered 1ee7682e64 sofa must’ve been horrifying—eyes d7595c0ef5 rolled back, foam bubbling 4f4f8b276a at the mouth, skin 9ae3838c0f turning purple. Did he panic f9115c33c7 and call an 470b93fa58 ambulance to take dce366a32e me to the e728b34590 hospital?88c124325615314d

As if proving my hypothesis, I could hear Mr. Taerim’s voice from a distance. The faint muttering, when listened to carefully, was the sound of him talking on the phone with someone.cbf1e4d0c4c81311

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“Yes.”23b85f220567bf07

The answer was 42142ba1de short, and,85cddd6767e92eea

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“I’m at the hospital now.”e35ceb6e6be38399

The explanation was concise.04f5af1a205b5278

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Suddenly I felt 7221fe70f7 like crying. I hated Mr. Cheon Taerim so 4dd805d60b much. Everything felt unbearably bitter.86cfb6f8b56aa24c

‘Why didn’t you just let me die? You could’ve moved on and found someone new. I had hoped you would find an Omega who perfectly suited you, matched well with you, and could communicate well with you, so that you’d remarry… But what is this?’54af42100f41c7eb

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But I could only pour out my resentment to myself. I couldn’t find the courage to open my eyes and face him.06f06bf44e0afec5

This was rock bottom for Kang Hae-ah. I had revealed how broken I could be and how weak a human I was, down to the bottom. I thought about whether there had ever been a more embarrassing and infuriating moment in my unlucky life. The answer was ‘no’. Not only had I held him back throughout our married life, but I was also a husband who even failed at suicide… I’d rather bite my tongue and die than confirm what kind of expression Cheon Taerim had.1575108720e49002

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Ah, what would Father say if he knew? He might slap my face and kick me. He would hiss like a snake, ‘How could you not live properly the one life that was completely planned out for you?’ He would shout, ‘why didn’t you die properly if you were going to die?’ He had always said that while it’s simple to secretly dispose of a corpse, you can’t hide a living person who’s been taken to the hospital.6c32db99ef096166

I was troubled 9a6bfad368 about how to 2b3c410db9 handle the criticism c345910c96 that would come. Just thinking about it 269d035681 made my skin crawl 4763b88537 and my blood boil.9db1d9f63becb96f

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“Are you feeling better, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”16526be8b52c5bae

Suddenly Taerim’s voice came closer. My eyebrows twitched involuntarily in response to his voice. I felt his hand approaching me like a sudden heat. I startled and opened my eyes, trying to avoid it,2ee41a23e49dcb60

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“Ow.”ba2810f7ab1a84bd

I hit the top f0723690b0 of my head against 0039626f03 the bed headboard with 387dbddaf9 a thud.ea1c54fb9e7e737f

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From my neck 810108c12c to my forehead, 86b0f2d193 I could feel 5dd9cd58d5 my skin turning de03e80c33 red in an 05511caf1c instant. I was half crumpled 5d67d230a1 trying to avoid his ed8ad4f9f5 hand, and Mr. Taerim looked surprised 0bff4f0175 at my reaction. His shadow loomed over 17818db384 me as he leaned 0580e13ef9 forward. Only then did 3692f09712 I notice the 48c6262ac3 blanket in his 467d912fee hand.4391df909b372f18

My mind went blank immediately. The shock of realizing that he was just trying to adjust my blanket was significant enough, but the fact that Cheon Taerim wasn’t like the Cheon Taerim I knew hit me like a blow to the back of my head.2befbd04165630d8

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”9dfa8a625bbf0df6

This man calling 8bac7cc98a me that way 9f6d1a0191 was undoubtedly Mr. Taerim. Standing nearly two b4e5cb11be meters tall when 2d4f6c77ff rounded up, with beeae92f79 broad, athlete-like shoulders, 9bf5120b50 hands as rough b6ff68faf3 as stone but ba49ba9d81 a face as 308d06af90 finely sculpted as aef806d13d if it were fee44fecdb carved, large eyes 471bd18ebe with single eyelids 6df890cb4b and lashes that 82e248e074 always seemed to db21fcba5a point downward, and c38254b6b2 those inscrutable, pitch-black 8d528b1860 pupils… he was fee76fd35c Cheon Taerim indeed.35056f7f9c57a344

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But he wasn’t the Cheon Taerim I knew, my husband.a980b1345d6e51b7

The literally close d58a02bfcc distance where I 20fa1aeac4 could touch his 58280e500b nose if I 6664fc6801 fell forward was fc83592866 uncomfortable, so I 3a6edbc14a avoided him first. Rolling away in 247b94940e the opposite direction dd205faf8b from him, I 08b372e62c raised my upper 912320ea29 body and looked 869dfca6ac around. As expected, c4179b202b it was 5eb8f6be5a a hospital 13ed909865 room, and ad61791153 there was 783078b69d some kind ca49e317eb of IV b58eff9f15 drip attached 4d08501885 to my 55e79f4a44 arm.54eb10f428acc348

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“What’s going on here?”5a5e7be8af0c7a2d

I asked, and,6bd3db18105fe481

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“Don’t ask me. When I greeted you, you fainted.”668e9ef465322385

Mr. Taerim answered easily.da139c7526859dce

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Now all I had left was confusion. That place, the strangely flowing flashback… and I remembered the voice. Clearer than anything was Taerim himself, even more than the direct and kind explanation saying ‘let’s start over from the beginning’. The twenty-eight-year-old Cheon Taerim who didn’t hate me, didn’t resent me, didn’t despise me, didn’t loathe me, and was trying to adjust my blanket.79966bbf3bd31563

Seeing me not e687ba3217 moving with a 0fa1caf202 serious face, he d88904a379 seemed even more c2dee9e111 worried about me.cd9a4de8f7ac3b3f

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“I was joking. I’m sorry.”a1de8e859c447c04

Taerim’s voice saying that scared me more than a ghost. Sorry? Sorry for me?d3656e3d90fbd4a1

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Following that, he poured a glass of water. When I didn’t take it, he put it down on the bedside table and handed me my phone, which he must have brought from the restaurant. I couldn’t even take that. I couldn’t bear it when he took care of me.b2af39cac3c4a6b3

Someone like me, being cared for by Taerim. Making jokes to lighten the mood and even saying sorry. I had no value for that at all… but the twenty-eight-year-old Taerim didn’t know that. Back then, yes, that’s how it was. He didn’t know me. That’s why he was kind. He was a good person because he wasn’t aware that… Kang Hae-ah, who would steal his precious time, was a liar Beta from a trashy family.5595705ae3f237c1

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I recalled the strange voice again. That ‘you weren’t supposed to end up like this’… Did they say to try again? If that voice was real, it might mean I should tell the truth now and let him go.de7beb14a7b8fd66

Maybe it was a3ba61ff56 telling me to 8a1811cb35 stop tainting Cheon a77d37b27b Taerim’s pristine life, 076ff5fe2f like mold seeping 35baaf5c16 into perfection, before a0ae0438a9 ruining his neat 32cba4c40f personality.894f70d8c596bb57

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Well, if there is 936e116d73 a God, he must e5cc892091 have clicked his tongue b4386c259f every time he saw 972e1c58a2 him and me. Having sent 1c8244f6b2 down a 11ca4aa81c perfect Alpha 252a9129d2 to this 290ae2a59b narrow and 342f5ea7d4 crowded land eb77b93f91 of Korea, 6618260997 he might 754bd549fc have pitied c49285412f Taerim for 1fef0a5982 having someone ddac11f01f like me 806669453e cling to c727f3fca2 him.75d05a082a23f9e6

“Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”e11ae7c6735bd494

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Taerim tilted his head sideways. Every time he tried to check my complexion, my face turned toward the floor. I didn’t have the courage to meet that gaze. I feared how disappointed he’d look hearing my slow, stuttering voice.f4a7d40dcf53f36d

But it wasn’t something I could just indefinitely postpone. Eventually, somehow, we had to have some kind of conversation. I had to separate him from me… no, remove this foreign object called ‘me’ from his life.4f23a472db453511

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“I’ll be direct.”559b1340087babe5

Clenching my fists tightly e2f710b919 on my knees, I 0d0c7ec28a took a short breath.8a34586b3a6e2eeb

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“I have no intention of marrying you, Mr. Cheon Taerim. Today… I came out to apologize to you in person. I’m sorry.”3658a768ccf8535f

“Are you rejecting me right now?”bea629588a8555ba

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As expected, Mr. Taerim’s response was quick. In six years of marriage, I had never once seen him at a loss for words.e5d44ebfb979bc12

“Th-that’s not it…”3fcb302aeb636fe1

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It was cf94651707 always me 50f65d243d who stuttered 45ce2c71af and stammered.01baaec12a64bd3a

“I’m the one getting rejected by you. I’m not an Omega. I’m… a Beta.”6c005803b6091ef6

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Still, today’s confession wasn’t difficult. It was a moment I had imagined countless times. If only I could turn back time to before I became Mr. Taerim’s husband,I thought. Then I would tell 49e1526ed9 him like this. I would 3616f9075a confess everything acd41b90ed truthfully.96369edfd9dff5d0

“Our side lied about the conditions. The trait test results we sent you beforehand are over 20 years old. The test from back then lacks credibility. Even in that unreliable test, my probability of manifestation was only 77 percent.”f6e9b47679a22de3

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Since Alpha-Omega issues were Mr. Taerim’s specialty, he would surely understand what an unreasonable gamble it was to suddenly marry someone like Kang Hae-ah.a1c83e7c0ed1c076

“These days… don’t they say you need at least an 85 percent to be tentatively considered an Omega? Even then, if you don’t manifest, you’re treated as a worthless Beta. In my opinion, I think… I’m probably a Beta.”41bd1c775867d48f

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It’s not ‘probably’ – it’s 100 percent. Now I know, having lived through it once. I’m not destined to be a loved Omega. Beyond issues of Alpha, Beta, or Omega, I’m destined to never be loved at all. Throughout my life, that was the one thing I wanted, but also the one thing I could never have, even if I died trying.25993650c019ea43

“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim, let’s not waste each other’s time. On our side, my father approached you because of Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections.”739d921d00046237

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Only when the Prosecutor’s name left my lips he said,3f47d5de2e2323e8

“You mean, my father?”287ac8a811cbd7c3

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Mr. Taerim finally reacted.9eb254fc73425ecb

“Yes. Though we may have made it seem like we prioritized Cheon Taerim’s business first, to be honest, that was more like a secondary condition.”a8e44d94f46d2614

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My throat kept getting 59be9f8505 dry. It felt like f6c17ac3ce my tongue was 0dc1b107bc rolling back into 9311414d6f my throat, choking a07a82a14b me. I quickly grabbed and 41afb83590 drank the glass of 12158ba993 water on the side a6e05063e9 table. The slightly eccec9301c sweet mineral 000bc4bdf8 water went 9f500893ec down smoothly.fe2513893174e5d7

“…Of course, I don’t look down on your company.”4fc251271dd43c73

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“No need for such words. Since we’re still in the startup phase, I was honestly suspicious of the conditions when Hansung first proposed the collaboration.”6e05b9642b88c464

Mr. Taerim showed uncharacteristic humility. Well, it was wise to be careful with words since his company AOM’s achievements weren’t publicly known yet.ee94f0023764f69b

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Just discovering the characteristic 2eab72de8f traits of Alphas and 928468dfc7 Omegas was a worldwide bafac9491e achievement, and in two d7eff2be6e years, they were planning 16da6b3426 to release a machine 76e0d999b2 that could analyze imprinting de1df80f80 and knotting probabilities with b11a79007e their own system. I vividly remembered how 23739f2083 much buzz that created. And twenty-eight-year-old 7d3e5e62cb Cheon Taerim faa23590f0 had designed ddec989fb7 and was 970f6f0187 creating such 41b4063d22 a business.0a6af855efce062a

The capable CEO of AOM with its slogan promising to select perfect partners, a standout mascot even among the typically exceptional dominant Alphas – I was always an anchor in such a flawless life of Cheon Taerim. The fact that the husband of Cheon Taerim, Korea’s most successful dominant Alpha, was merely a Beta was a flaw people loved to gossip about.59dc043a0d8075ff

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“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim…”8098471b40124c2b

My fingerprints touched the 32d44cb936 empty glass. My fingertips, pressed with e6bbdc5821 force, turned yellow against 483834bf72 the outer surface of 338a7752ff the glass.c7c1c010c8b94df4

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“Next time… I hope you find a proper Omega. Do those personality compatibility checks your company is good at, and well… find a good match like others do and get married… Better than ending up with someone like me, a Beta, by accident.”a3276aa8d0cad0e4

Now, what will he say…as I listened 687368ff0f carefully, unexpectedly, Cheon 17e85cfb82 Taerim was silent.45c0b869084a9de7

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‘Why is he quiet…’29089e2d349cedeb

Out of curiosity, I 8206fe416c raised my head just 3616dc707c slightly to peek, and c1aa5ff17c our eyes met directly.8f25a2fef53dea6d

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Those serious 2913291128 eyes were 7d3fc3214f deeply contemplating 47631b8737 something while 6eac5f44ef taking in 6a131dc59a my face. His pupils were so 0417c8bbc8 black that my face af2121e490 reflected in them like a1a81eb3fe the moon, clear and 2d4b921f6d distinct.7d9617e8e4289d7e

I swallowed back a sigh that was about to escape my throat. Mr. Taerim wouldn’t know how much I had longed for just this, for him to look at me like this…65a7bf4517c7e464

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I let him observe and measure me. For now, I was grateful enough that he wasn’t cursing at my family, saying they were a fraud, or getting angry.453fcf7999ca2db4

Ah, of course, he was too experienced on social interactions to reject me outright. Perhaps he was calculating the angle to gradually break off this arranged marriage, considering I was Hansung Group’s youngest son.5cc366bc7ad607e0

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I was f92e59b5a6 given a 55ea069e6b few seconds c28a4c5ea7 of respite 14ca9a60bb while he 921fcec009 formulated appropriate 59940b5830 words of 23d1fb2ae1 rejection. As I caught my cf43107bb2 breath and hid my f27fe5574c trembling palms under my 5b8a023745 thighs, Mr. Taerim asked.dd30d4d4586d25b7

“Is that all?”6e246a823a0c16b2

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I couldn’t easily understand that question. Like that spring day six years ago when I faced an unexpected accusation,bbbb52156eaf39f3

‘Were you aware of this, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?’793b43331f05e872

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My reactions were always the same in front of Cheon Taerim. I could only try to keep up with his tempo with a dumbfounded face. Mr. Taerim, who didn’t yet know this was Kang Hae-ah’s usual expression, was kind.a11c79bc7a8a2a67

“I asked if that’s all your reasons for not wanting to marry me.”4ef898b4a264c4a5

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He asked afd408397e again, and,b5b173508f607771

“Yes. Because it’s a fraudulent marriage.”39816da6eecba11c

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I quickly answered.61a59889106477c7

“Because your life would be… pitiful if you married a Beta. I don’t like that. That’s the reason… And I don’t like people who would try to use and discard Mr. Cheon Taerim just because he married into a chaebol family. It’s obvious Hansung will try to use Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections for political maneuvering, and I don’t like that either.”67cf6e1f35490b73

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And I don’t like the idea of you hating me again, and I don’t like becoming a husband that is worse than a friend, and I don’t like being bound to you like I’m ruining you life, and I don’t like pretending to be asleep while knowing you sigh every morning looking at my face, and most of all, it was obvious I would fall for you again, and I didn’t like that.61b1fbb91d580aaa

“Thank you for being so considerate.”f8391a794fb7a23f

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“Yeah, well…”4bf9094f9e8d357a

“But I’ll pretend I didn’t hear your proposal.”a13fdcfd5ed7fa35

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“What?”9b1555f449df8ec0

But Mr. Taerim responded fccba296d3 with a 3b649ef898 no to 01fa2e9345 my farewell.b6be9808a22be9e8

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“No, why? I just gave you a very important explanation!”6fe2c9801d35dc2e

I looked 6bd9853423 up at fb6643a8f1 him, forgetting 95932425cb to avoid 79fad6499d those cold e800d6fc90 eyes. As I raised 5665965409 my voice in c44b312885 bewilderment, Mr. Taerim smiled.605bfd7a4c2f441f

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“Thanks to you, I want to do it now. I want to marry you, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”f04af0cf00f960df

Why are a6e9d9ff8c you smiling 4320eed82f like that?b6408f8a1a3d374a

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“And you’re not a Beta.”1b5a90fc23e11d9f

Why are you f3a73467a8 saying such things?6c2e13185aafc74c

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“You manifested, just now at the restaurant.”ba67805d552f4e53

Now it’s one of two things. Either Cheon Taerim is crazy. Or I must be the crazy one.3f3994e954a25ba2

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“I’m telling you I’m a Beta.”97748f2f3cbe6b24

“Not as of today.”0741623e971d3012

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There was no reason to listen to more nonsense. I pulled out the IV line from my forearm and stood up. As I fumbled for my coat, my lower abdomen hurt and my legs trembled. Mr. Taerim tried to stop me, saying “Hae-ah. Let’s call a doctor, please stay calm and sit down.”d9a0c6d07ab58e22

“Calm? Doctor?”29942cef2efbe459

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“You still need e19eb8112a to finish your 29dff769fc medication.”8cd752c0550d0f18

“Medication?”615766ac50bd28b1

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My lips moved like 6f1e359017 a parrot’s beak, mimicking 6f97fe7b5a his words. I couldn’t form eeccca93f1 any coherent sentences, f47cccc66c only repeat what a512082772 he said.b8fa968b7bc5340c

“The sedative… Mr. Kang Hae-ah, please calm down.”c7b487ae0d1086f6

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“Sedative?”f2303b3b767c3a5e

Bright red blood was trickling down my forearm. It was proof that I was still alive, and a sign that I was an idiot who couldn’t even properly remove an IV. As I just stared at the red liquid with my neck trembling, Mr. Taerim’s hand entered my field of vision.7fe896ef9e20327e

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He gently touched my forearm. It wasn’t grabbing or pulling, just a slight touch. It was like touching a machine’s touchscreen with his palm. But that machine was me.24c3472c080e5bf2

My trembling legs collapsed instantly. I was too shocked to even scream. My eyeballs felt like they would pop out and my heart was racing, but only hot breaths escaped between my teeth. I couldn’t properly control my body.bd75d3b3f304c4ab

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Mr. Taerim easily supported my body as it collapsed like a doll. He was quick to hold me with both arms and move me to the bed. He clearly knew I wouldn’t be able to stand when he touched me.61eeb4d16f0b8f6b

And there was 38b1afd9fc one more thing 58ee011548 that was clear. My body was no f4faf783c2 longer the same as d54b88ab6c before. At first my e0d349ba85 forearm was hot, 027d490ffd and during the 5deaf5870f few seconds he 1e930d0e55 moved me, my a29663162e whole body became 63f6619644 feverish.41e92125a8610181

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“Let me go.”d1f0667bf0a18915

My voice c5e2fee9e1 leaked out f856ae41cf pathetically weakly.b66747fce45a5f34

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“Please let me go…”75f6334e7a84b8c2

When I pleaded repeatedly, 7dd36ad969 Mr. Taerim released me. Right after, he neatly c5fef77585 laid me back on b04c665097 the bed and covered a555e0067b me with the blanket. He pressed the nurse b8acbe551c call button twice,tap, tap. Is he annoyed?He pressed the button e7758d7346 with some emotion behind 3dc25106ee it.a43dc764bb8e7a66

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“…I’m sorry.”74c5e3356b05a71a

Then he apologized again, but this time his apology wasn’t so shocking. It was because of the abnormal symptoms occurring in my body. My whole body was so strange that it was difficult to react to strange things happening outside my skin.c24b32cc5f0beae3

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To be honest, I needed to pee. And my lower abdomen hurt terribly. My eyes wouldn’t open well because of the fever, and suddenly Cheon Taerim felt unfamiliar. Now he seemed neither a simple businessman nor the man who had been my husband.7967aa7328c21420

He was an Alpha. A dominant Alpha born knowing how to control Omegas. And I was… as he said, no longer the same as before.02b5c851a7199da1

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“Still, no-nothing changes.”c7770f63461709ed

I said, 82d48a3591 clutching the 87055fa9ac blanket.2139661bb0b6813e

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“I won’t marry you. I, I… I don’t believe in arranged marriages. I like being free. I like dating however I want, but a loveless marriage? How does that make any sense?”aa025e61c7d8cdf1

I could list a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t be with me. Nine hundred would be true and I would make up a hundred more to reach a thousand.1b7d8a0b6e6b6133

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But these words I was spouting now weren’t meant to convince Mr. Taerim. They were just words I was blurting out randomly to draw his attention and keep my own mind anchored.ca7a17e4db09c117

For some ccc2e5b0dd reason, it 8105bedbf7 felt like 0d49794be0 a major 373cc87180 accident would 0a4e8c825f happen if f23cb9689f I stayed 4550956592 quiet in 23e8bbea85 the silence. Before, I had fdec8b345f worried that he e535d51f44 might curse at a0d9648c0f me, push me 04e1d6dd1a away and get 799e04e27d angry again, or 180ce93497 leave. But this anxiety f7eb448190 was different from 0b07238cc3 such worries. It felt 5c03040c64 like if 27867ce6c2 I stayed 5dfd4ee719 still, the 574def91a9 Alpha named 421721a99f Cheon Taerim c11ca90304 would devour 6ddac199ba me.e5acab1337406dd3

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“And, and I heard somewhere that I have a high chance of getting cancer. Do you want to marry someone who might collapse from cancer at any time? But being rich means I won’t die easily either. And…”106e144e925d9062

“…”4f71880d56b9ab84

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“I’m speaking Korean right now, right?”591c75d9a2761388

“You are.”90880fe10781d5cc

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“Then… then you’re listening to everything I’m saying, right?”6bd5cbfe5bc173b4

“I am.”560b99ff48196e2a

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So what’s your answer? I tried to convey 64853d749a this with my eyes. More precisely, 6b4fb049d9 I just 36fcb95124 looked up 2936148d8f at him fde5d0900b pleadingly with 581b883fe2 my pathetic 7aac673ba6 face, but 2b8d1b2b8b Mr. Taerim seemed to understand 583be96a5c my feelings.fd0e46de59d64a37

He let out a 519d8ee9c7 short sigh, then took bd3fd47b0f a much longer breath a7be93c339 in. And spoke.8ef69ba6c1d71030

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“It’s natural for you to feel this way now. You just manifested and you’re not in good condition, so you can’t trust an Alpha, and you’ll need time to think.”90c6cad2af692078

That still wasn’t the answer I wanted. Suddenly, Mr. Taerim’s tone discussing my condition sounded as if I currently lacked rational and sensible judgment. I felt a surge of anger.bac8b1dadad0e722

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“Hey, are you really just going to ignore everything I’ve said until now?”5912985e8381facf

“I heard your words well, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”9d530167505a29d3

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While I was this frustrated and desperate, Mr. Taerim was even calmer than before. He no longer smiled. He didn’t say sorry to soothe my feelings, nor did he make jokes. He didn’t even blink his black eyes.52a23d858ca49e38

Like a stone 101240dd79 statue, he spoke,af8947640bbb4c7c

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“You’re telling me to find an honest Omega who isn’t interested in my family’s connections, doesn’t eye me just because I’m a dominant Alpha, and wants to live quietly without political schemes.”182adcbf357b1a79

His gaze moved 1217815ea9 slowly from my 8023e06c1f forehead to my 736efc26a4 cheeks, then to 4df5b5fe87 my chin, and 8f0c450d07 back to my 7428f6f47c eyes. It was bae16b304d the first e07a89851b time in bc66c28ec3 my life ba05e85d0d someone had b340721486 examined my 1cb54b59db face this f58b6f97c8 closely.dd33bd3bd523d2ba

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“Aren’t you exactly that kind of Omega, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”45e279e9d19a5b2c

My lips d098d22ba6 parted silently. Before I could find 283de5b715 words to say, ‘knock knock,’the nurse knocked 912a80cb7d on the hospital dd40f80a9b room door.ca1717ec636c34da

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“You want to date first. I understand your conditions well.”2ef0a58194b58f07

Mr. Taerim stood up, gathering 19bf945e24 his coat. The neatly a3038b8590 folded coat a95a845848 draped perfectly f2d6765f44 over his 2675ab7137 arm as 198ba91a56 he rose.8d50dd923d952e00

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“Then let’s make this 88274d5bc6 not an arranged marriage. Once you afa1de6f7a stabilize, I’ll 08e3d2ec99 contact you 1df8d9a7be for an 08d2cef0b2 outing.”44beddab36d47d6b

The towering, 8d7961d253 solid, beautiful c986f0a1be man who 8152df48c1 was my 36e1da5eb3 husband looked c07421b461 at me. I hadn’t realized until 36b622b6b7 now how young twenty-eight-year-old 2348065bf4 Taerim truly was.154dbfa9248ca781

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 fff6e799d5bdedb7

f44eb117867cb4b2

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