DWWWB Ch 2 part 3

As soon as the words left my mouth, he let out a sigh. It would be a lie if I said that I had no expectations. I was thrilled by the kindness he showed me, and my heart raced every time he said something considerate and thoughtful. That’s why I thought I might be different from the countless other women.

When I saw him sighing as if he were troubled by my confession, I realized that I was no different.

“But I don’t think you like me like that, Sunbae. I thought it would only make things harder for me if I let my feelings grow deeper… So I felt like I should tell you.”

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He didn’t deny it. He didn’t rush to say that he felt the same way. He just listened silently.

“If you don’t feel the same way as me, then don’t be nice to me anymore. I’ll misunderstand.”

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I was overwhelmed with emotion. I resented him for just listening to my confession in silence. I guess feelings for someone don’t grow slowly. In just over five weeks, my feelings swelled up like bread in an oven. No, I was fascinated by him from the moment I first saw him at the club association meeting.

I thought he was someone I couldn’t approach, but after being with him for a few weeks, it seems like the little bastard called ‘feelings’ has become arrogant without its master’s permission.

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“Actually, I misunderstood you a little. I heard that Sunbae doesn’t have any female classmates, hoobaes, or sunbaes that you’re close with.”

“Who said that?”

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The way he reacted to these words made me feel even more insignificant. Now that I look at it, it seems that he was only interested in the rumor about him.

“Her name is Heesu… She’s my friend who is dating the club association chairman from last year.”

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“Ah… Last year’s club association chairman was a student of the Business Administration Department.”

“I know that, too.”

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His voice sounded no different than usual as it spit out such unimportant information. So this situation was just like any other for him. A situation where someone confessed to him and he rejected them.

“So I misunderstood. You lent me your book, watched a play with me, and even nagged at me to eat two rolls of kimbap.”

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There was a hint of a sob as I said ‘two rolls of kimbap’.

“I’m sorry.”

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On this romantic night at the old castle walls filled with the spring breeze, I confessed my love for the first time in my life, and I was rejected outright. I was afraid that my emotions would grow out of control, and I was frustrated by his confusing attitude. So I placed a bet as if I were gambling.

It’s okay. It’s done. It’s the right thing to do before I get hurt even more.

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From now on, I have to work hard and prepare for the media exam.

Rather than wasting time being swept away by feelings of love with someone who will never reciprocate it, it’s easier to tie up all the loose ends and move on. I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and swallowed the sadness filling my throat.

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“Actually, this is the first time I’ve worn clothes like this since I came to college. I was really looking forward to today.”

I didn’t know how much more miserable I wanted to be, but once I started talking, I couldn’t stop.

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“I wanted to hear you say that I’m pretty.”

You really don’t have any pride, do you, Oh Milhee?

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It’s my first love. It’s the first time in my life that I felt like I wanted to look good for someone, and it’s the first time that I felt like I couldn’t control these feelings.

Since I’ve already confessed, I thought I might as well just spit it all out and shake it off.

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And with all the effort I put into my looks today, it wouldn’t be so bad to say that I looked pretty, but he kept his mouth shut and remained silent.

“Haa.”

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A sigh escaped my lips. The good hoobae mask was taken off. Willy, whose mask had been taken off, disappeared from the stage. Now it was my turn to disappear.

“I’ll go down this way. Bye. I think we should sit separately during class from now on.”

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With that, I turned around.

“Milhee.”

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He sighed out my name. I wanted to scream at him to stop calling me so affectionately, but the words got caught in my throat as if I were at a loss for words.

“It’s late. Come with me. I’ll take you home.”

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I turned around, swallowing my tears.

“This type of kindness confuses me. I’ll go home alone.”

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A sharp voice mixed with tears flowed out. He looked helpless. The moment I met his bewildered eyes, I came to my senses as if someone had poured cold water down the back of my neck. If I thought about it from his perspective, this would be an incredibly awkward situation.

I was just being nice to a classmate, but let’s just say that the classmate misunderstood and confessed their feelings to me. And then what if they started crying and complaining, telling me not to be nice to them anymore?

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I closed my eyes tight and sighed. In the midst of my sadness, logic intervened.

“I’ll go down and catch a taxi. You can go.”

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As I muttered quietly, he let out a hollow laugh.

“You’re seriously…”

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Seriously what…?

I was very curious about the words that followed, but right now, I had to take care of my pride. I wiped my face with the back of my hand. Then I started to walk away at a brisk pace.

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“Don’t spread rumors that I threw a tantrum.”

I could hear him laughing behind me. My heels were completely scuffed, and they were more painful than the pain in my chest.

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“Wait a minute. Stand there for a sec.”

“What now?”

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I turned around angrily. He had this look on his face that seemed to say, ‘Why is she acting like this?’

“I won’t like you anymore, Sunbae. Could you please cooperate with me?”

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He shook his head and asked.

“Why are you walking like that? Is it because you sprained your ankle when you bumped into that guy earlier?”

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“No. I was trying to impress someone by wearing new shoes, and my heels ended up being worn out.”

His gaze dropped to my shoes. He swallowed a sigh and took his wallet out of his sweatpants pocket.

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“What, are you going to give me money to get this treated?”

He was so annoyingly handsome that it made me sad to see him smiling in disbelief.

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“That person gave me his business card earlier, and he said he’d pay for the treatment.”

“You got that bastard’s business card, too?”

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He frowned as he opened his wallet.

“Don’t do that. Are you jealous?”

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He pursed his lips and avoided answering. Then he began to search through his wallet. The man who rejected a woman’s confession in the middle of the night in a romantic castle was searching through his wallet.

What was he doing?

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“Stick this on.”

The object he took out of his wallet was a disposable bandaid. However, the moment he took out the bandaid, a strange object fell to the floor.

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A round, unknown object inside a square foil package… A condom. Our gazes both fell to the floor. We both realized what it was.

“So you carry that kind of stuff around with you.”

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A man who carries around contraceptives is a good catch. But this man who apologized to me when I confessed to him had no intention of using it with me. My head throbbed. Could a first confession truly get any worse than this?

“Don’t misunderstand. I’ve never used anything like this. I bought it with my friends because we heard money will come in if you carry it around in your wallet¹.”

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“You don’t have to make excuses like that to me. And you’re still a student. How much money could possibly come in for a student…?”

I muttered in a voice that sounded as feeble as a dying bonfire.

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“I’m serious. I’ve never used it before. And the prize money for the overall winner of the Tour de France is 500,000 euros.”

I was confused because the concept of 500,000 euros didn’t make any sense. I was also confused because the man saying such things was saying it so earnestly.

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“670 million won. So this is a good luck charm for 670 million won, but that’s… Ah, why am I saying this? Anyways, it’s a good luck charm for complete victory. Where would a cyclist get money? Through prize money or sponsorships.”

He picked up the condom and threw it into a nearby trash can.

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“How can you throw away that kind of good luck charm?!”

I stomped my feet as if the Tour de France prize money had just flown away.

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“Ouch.”

My heel rubbed up against my shoe, and the pain was so sharp that I didn’t even feel the pain of being rejected anymore.

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“See?”

He knelt down in front of me.

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“Leave it alone, I’m fine. I’ll put it on.”

“How are you going to put it on in that outfit?”

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It was impossible to raise my legs in such a vulgar way while wearing a dress.

“I’m wearing stockings anyway.”

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“At least put it on top of your stockings. When you get home, take them off and put a new one on.”

After he said ‘take them off’, he hesitated for a moment.

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“‘Take them off’… Seeing as how you said that so casually, I guess you really don’t see me as a woman.”

I was so dumbfounded that I burst into laughter. As if I’d lost my mind. His hand touched my ankle. The hot, strong feel of his hand instantly hit my lower abdomen. I looked down at him, unconsciously covering myself with the rising heat.

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He examined my heel and sighed. His expression was indifferent as he carefully peeled the bandaid out of its packaging and applied it to the wound like a doctor seeing a patient. Even though he was holding onto a woman’s ankle, he didn’t seem to care.

“Try putting your shoe back on.”

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I put my foot in my shoe as if I were Cinderella. The shoe fit my foot perfectly, but the prince was not mine.

“Are you okay?”

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He raised his head and looked up at me. The length of the skirt was down to my knees. Even though he was looking up at a woman who was wearing a skirt from below, his expression remained indifferent.

I give up, Gong Mujin. Do you even like women?

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If you didn’t, would that make my heart hurt any less?

After putting the bandaid on my peel, my heart began to ache again. I wish I could put some ointment on my heart and put a bandaid on it.

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“I’m okay. Thank you.”

I was tired of telling him not to be nice, so I quietly said thank you instead.

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We walked to Hyehwa Station in silence. I bowed to him and got into the back seat of the taxi. Then he opened the passenger door.

“Sir, to Junggye-dong, please.”

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He talked as if Junggye-dong was his home.

“Where in Junggye-dong?”

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When the driver asked, Gong Mujin turned back and looked at me.

“It’s at the intersection with the bank.”

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I didn’t even want to tell him the name of my apartment building. The car silently glided through the city in the night.

“Is the boyfriend taking his girlfriend home?”

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The driver glanced at Gong Mujin as if praising him for his chivalry.

“That’s…”

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The moment he was about to answer, I interrupted.

“No, he’s my sunbae from college. We were working on a project together and were about to head home, but he told me it was late and that he’d drop me off.”

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This was the second time today. People mistook us for a couple, and I have denied it twice. If I deny it one more time before the day ends, would I be on the same level as Peter who denied Jesus?

“You have a really sharp voice. You could be an announcer.”

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The driver glanced at me through the rearview mirror as he remarked. There was no further conversation during the twenty minutes or so it took us to get to the bank intersection. I got off in front of the bank with the green sign. Of course, I paid the taxi fare. I thought he would go home in the same taxi that dropped me off, but he followed me.

“I’ll make sure you get home before I go.”

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I said I understood and walked ahead. He followed me quietly as if he were on a mission.

Is he doing this because he’s afraid I’ll spread rumors that he rejected me?

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He wasn’t the type of person to brag about being confessed to by women before rejecting them. Rather, he seemed to be reluctant to have such rumors spread about him. He was someone who wanted to be noticed through sports, and nothing else mattered to him.

Is that why he doesn’t date?

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When I reached the entrance to the apartment building, I quietly looked back at Gong Mujin. His shoulders were unusually slumped. I confessed and got rejected, but why did he look more pitiful?

“I won’t spread any rumors.”

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“What?”

He asked as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

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“You don’t have to worry about any unnecessary rumors. I won’t say anything to anyone…”

“Even to Heesu?”

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“If I tell Heesu, even the pigeons of Mount Gwanak will know.”

He smiled faintly at my answer.

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“Does Heesu… know that you and I are close?”

“Were we ever close?”

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I asked back in a choked voice.

“No, I just remembered you saying that Heesu said I’m not close with any female classmates, sunbaes, or hoobaes.”

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“I told her that we’re taking a liberal arts class together. And I told her we were going to watch a play together, but that’s it. It’s not much. Don’t worry. I’ll tell her nothing happened and that we watched the play quietly. I’ll even tell her that we barely managed to get the tickets so we had to sit far apart.”

“That’s not what I meant, Milhee.”

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He was doing it again. He was calling my name so affectionately.

“Don’t call my name.”

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Even to my ears, my voice sounded quite cold.

“Let’s pretend we don’t know each other from now on. Let’s just act like strangers. I think that would be best.”

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“How can I do that?”

“Or could it be that you rejected my confession but still want me to like you? Is that why you’re acting like this? That’s too cruel.”

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“That’s not it.”

It was awkward. Not only me but also the way he was dealing with this situation. My confession may have been hasty, but his response was overly hesitant.

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“It’s the first time in my life I told someone I liked them. As you can see, it didn’t go well. But I… I’m not a mature person who can laugh and chat casually with someone who doesn’t like me. Just like you said, I’m timid.”

He laughed in disbelief. I was being completely serious, but he laughed.

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“Is this funny to you?”

He shook his head with a bitter smile.

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“Sunbae-nim, you rejected all the confessions you received because you have your own convictions, right? Of course, not everyone’s feelings for someone are determined by their convictions. But I also have my own convictions, too. I keep misunderstanding because of you. I keep getting excited, so my life is a mess. I get absent-minded, I can’t focus, and I keep thinking about you. And I had a tiny bit of hope that you might feel the same way… That’s why I told you. If you reject me and then tell me to go back to the way we were before, it’s too difficult for me. I’m sad I got rejected, but I don’t want my school life to become a mess. So I hope that you and I become strangers from now on.”

He didn’t say anything in response.

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“Goodbye.”

I turned away without giving him a chance to respond. Even if I listened to what he had to say, it would have only led to another rollercoaster of emotions. The man who apologized as he rejected me stood in front of the apartment entrance in case I turned around and looked back at him.

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If anyone else saw this, they’d think I was the one who dumped him.

Tears fell uncontrollably down my face. I felt that I was too immature to handle my immature emotions in a more sophisticated way. After walking away from him, I got on the elevator alone. I felt ashamed of my immaturity. I was annoyed by the emotions that were surging inside me.

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When I came home, I didn’t want my family to see my tear-stained face, but I ended up meeting the eyes of my mortal enemy, my oppa who was five years older than me.

“Why are you crying?”

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“The play was so sad.”

“And not because you had a fight with your boyfriend?”

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My brother spoke sarcastically

“Has our Milhee gotten a boyfriend?”

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My dad, who had been sitting on the living room sofa as he watched TV, suddenly stood up.

“Aigoo, it’s about time.”

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My mom soothed my dad as if it wasn’t anything to get so worked up about.

“I don’t have a boyfriend!”

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“Then who walked you to the apartment entrance earlier?”

Why did my oppa have to see that?

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“He’s not my boyfriend!”

“So a guy walked you all the way to the front of your home even though he’s not your boyfriend? That kid must really like you.”

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I’m the one who likes him. That bastard doesn’t like me.

If I shouted this at my brother, he would make fun of me for the rest of his life.

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“I-I said it’s not like that!”

“What do you mean? Does he have a screw loose? He took a girl he didn’t like all the way to her house and stared at her until she got inside?”

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I turned my back on my loud, ridiculous family and went into my room. I threw myself on my bed and wept.

Just like Oppa said, Gong Mujin must have a screw loose in his head. He took a girl he didn’t even like home, put a bandaid on her heel, watched a play with her, lent her his book, brought her coffee, worried if she was sick, told her to eat a lot, carried her bag, and smiled at her all the time…

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It was clear that Gong Mujin had a screw loose.

* * *

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I layed in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I had to get up, but I had no energy at all. I checked the time on my phone and covered myself with the blanket. My family had all gone to work, and I was the only one left at home.

It was 10 AM. According to my schedule, I should have been attending a sociology class. I didn’t want to go to school. I was afraid of running into him.

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I’m such an immature person. I thought this to myself, but I didn’t have the strength to get up. I lay there listlessly, half asleep, when I suddenly felt a presence outside.

Who is it and why are they here at this hour? A burglar?

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I clutched the hem of my blanket, wondering if I should call 911. I had just pressed ‘91’ when…

“Oh Milhee. Are you still sleeping?”

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Unexpectedly, it was my brother’s voice.

“No. Why?”

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“Open the door.”

My brother’s voice sounded serious. My brother, who was five years older than me, was usually a nonchalant person, but he was the type of person who had a keen intuition like a ghost when it came to something that happened to me, his younger sister.

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“What is it?”

I opened the door in my pajamas. My brother, with his brow furrowed, looked a little scary.

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“Why aren’t you going to school?”

I was always the last one to leave the house. I would usually stay out and kill some time just before my family came home from work. I’ve been doing this for two weeks now. I pretended to go to school, but I think my brother noticed.

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“Why would I not go to school? I don’t have classes this morning, so I’m going in the afternoon.”

“Then go wash up and come out. Let’s grab some lunch, and I’ll take you to school in the afternoon.”

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My brother was stubborn. His thick eyebrows were drawn together, and there was no way to avoid his glare.

“Or do you not have class in the afternoon either? Should I call the school administration office and check?”

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I felt really sorry for the woman who was dating this man. My brother had a very persistent personality, and whenever I showed any signs of being strange, he would bring up public information to scare me.

“Do whatever you want!”

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Another piece of evidence to confirm that I was an immature human being.

“You haven’t been to school since that day, have you? Did that kid who followed you all the way home bully you?”

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I wanted to avoid answering his question.

“You didn’t go to work today, Oppa?”

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“I took a day off.”

“Why?”

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“Because I felt like something was wrong with you. Why are you acting like this?”

I bit my lower lip. Suddenly, my brother’s warmth brought tears to my eyes.

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“I confessed and got rejected.”

My voice squeaked out.

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“He dared to reject you?”

My brother began to comfort me.

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“That bastard must really have a screw loose. Did you confess that day? Is that why you came home crying? Because you were dumped? But that bastard brought the woman he dumped all the way to her house? Wow! He sure knows how to play the field!”

I cried and laughed because I was grateful to see that my brother was angrier than me. Blood is thicker than water after all.

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“Go wash up and come out. Let’s go eat something delicious before you head to school. You can’t keep skipping classes because of something like this. Are you going to give up on life just because you got dumped once?”

I shook my head.

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“I know it’s hard. I’ve been through times like that in my life, too. Can’t you tell?”

I looked up at my brother. Today, for some reason, he looked very mature.

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“When did you become so grown up, Oppa?”

“I’m not fully an adult yet.”

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My heart ached.

“Hurry up. Wash up and come out.”

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“I want to eat pork belly. If I wash up and then eat meat, I’ll go to school smelling like meat. Can’t I wash up after eating?”

My brother smiled as if he were willing to indulge me today.

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