DWWWB Ch 2 part 3

As soon as the 6c7bfbf0e6 words left my mouth, 103fb897c1 he let out a 75d804cd69 sigh. It would be 5ba6899b39 a lie if 658eee2ca5 I said that 765f9d4b8c I had no 8dbabcdd03 expectations. I was thrilled 92e732fd00 by the kindness 581b40adb0 he showed me, ca135fb6cb and my heart 93df1ebd97 raced every time a46790e6a6 he said something a477b747c1 considerate and thoughtful. That’s why I c418db3db5 thought I might 7c4ec64d9a be different from f574e8976e the countless other 382aff3268 women.d3d58f9707e1f9f8

When I 4f340562c2 saw him 3f8726fa56 sighing as fa024cc504 if he 7cb6ae3739 were troubled 1cc76e4795 by my 5a6fa0513c confession, I 7e0f437eea realized that bcd8cdbc90 I was c741e58b06 no different.c3e043857d7cc13c

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“But I 9fcd3b79e4 don’t think da66693219 you like 6f1b23983b me like 0ec173064f that, Sunbae. I thought it would d1499fa0bb only make things harder 26cb03bc0d for me if I 73b066710e let my feelings grow eb93608f41 deeper… So I felt 6da7d51763 like I should tell 7d5c268630 you.”65679fa7a44e37f5

He didn’t 12724fe549 deny it. He didn’t rush to 0147991439 say that he felt 5ed1190c5d the same way. He just listened a5611d5d1f silently.90b8340a01f55b85

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“If you don’t feel 2fe2da154c the same way as 484da213a5 me, then don’t be 4ff8798968 nice to me anymore. I’ll misunderstand.”277578d86749d9d0

I was overwhelmed with 449f12a893 emotion. I resented 043514837f him for b060433b96 just listening 8ed29ba012 to my 9067b6cc19 confession in fd176c2e67 silence. I guess feelings 592db646fd for someone don’t 21898982c1 grow slowly. In just over df894f3ccc five weeks, my 4b98edf2e5 feelings swelled up 109e8f180d like bread in 2d41345f7d an oven. No, I was d05ac156c7 fascinated by him 7bd983a59b from the moment 165554967c I first saw ff561df575 him at the 814e94b126 club association meeting.0cf09b0bcdb255a3

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I thought b5bae364b0 he was b00d819138 someone I 264dd94341 couldn’t approach, 14a8056612 but after 9fb5231cf9 being with 98041108a3 him for 96491bdf9e a few b52f117d7d weeks, it ea83d62175 seems like 254eae6e3f the little dd4aeda86c bastard called b94be6e609 ‘feelings’ has 4978cc7daa become arrogant 9d1e8003d7 without its a55f5ea7be master’s permission.011ee92d54bc65d1

“Actually, I 03427bb604 misunderstood you 2cc9dd60b6 a little. I heard 14819465de that Sunbae 15fade65fd doesn’t have 936d5c4c71 any female 1bbc28bd10 classmates, hoobaes, 4c941b610a or sunbaes be682342ed that you’re e4b062dc7e close with.”e7686d83f249abd2

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“Who said that?”b2a868facf122933

The way he reacted 5dfb460406 to these words made 25aa6bfa07 me feel even more 3a37607308 insignificant. Now that 22c9789782 I look 5c4558478a at it, 072fb0139e it seems 00392d7922 that he d2d450f7f0 was only 3e36cb1334 interested in 3a01fd4021 the rumor 5f097ab8bd about him.59fe49e8190d7990

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“Her name is e82a87de3d Heesu… She’s my e69eaa0076 friend who is 7f492a26e3 dating the club b2f4ea9b4f association chairman from b344b11c23 last year.”7f637b414d718b51

“Ah… Last year’s club 45a1fbccb1 association chairman was a 9419c614e9 student of the Business bc7cc26823 Administration Department.”edf681b945a5ccdb

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“I know that, too.”7c983f4bf00eeae5

His voice sounded no 9884dd9644 different than usual as 977bfe80fd it spit out such 52d31a6b01 unimportant information. So this situation 9ab3e0cc54 was just like 075632d1ae any other for 746fb8ccca him. A situation where someone e2c294c80b confessed to him and c292803042 he rejected them.c2bcb7fa51f6a0b6

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“So I misunderstood. You lent me 624a2a7057 your book, watched 4d56c547b7 a play with 0c22f3a46e me, and even bdf395edcf nagged at me 2aa7343ff2 to eat two 383870bf8b rolls of kimbap.”971edb6439a898b4

There was a a730039181 hint of a b35c0b4668 sob as I 929fb906e6 said ‘two rolls 4f2687fb62 of kimbap’.f1fbae7dee9efa00

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“I’m sorry.”de30502ffa3e0d32

On this romantic night f0d30f3d1f at the old castle 2628d09943 walls filled with the 25a49e3bdd spring breeze, I confessed c4e770b822 my love for the 421843663d first time in my 2a40282984 life, and I was 5cadedae47 rejected outright. I was 0846334fb8 afraid that 1bbf0d570c my emotions 5fa5576646 would grow b116648bf2 out of c9ae532f43 control, and dd8c31815d I was 27e862da68 frustrated by a4c179d0e4 his confusing 98f1497bd4 attitude. So I placed da5273dedc a bet as 7a4af53642 if I were b0b4fa4f41 gambling.a6c0db9648059052

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It’s okay. It’s done. It’s the right thing c8d9eb5fba to do before I 790de1ca37 get hurt even more.1b7bf38f17660acf

From now 3b111a44c4 on, I 87acb1ed36 have to 3498f67ad6 work hard 9ddc096de0 and prepare e5dde4fe44 for the bf481d0858 media exam.a75373f1497c9ed7

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Rather than 6aba4816f2 wasting time 540de05f7c being swept 956a9ee33f away by 3d75f4a071 feelings of cc6f5cd49e love with 4cece3559f someone who 5ea5c58983 will never 04d85edb00 reciprocate it, e92dc09c54 it’s easier 29c73e648f to tie e0f7166d25 up all 2e9ed5610f the loose d6cbd93922 ends and 658ecb70d0 move on. I wiped 9e1ac18b10 away the 0e0f742cc1 tears with 7ef6947e91 the back 6053923732 of my 87f7b1a9b8 hand and 79814cb8d6 swallowed the de82b97d71 sadness filling 1753388a2e my throat.75b6cbc0658bbcd5

“Actually, this is 6190c91267 the first time 49c9fda5bf I’ve worn clothes 3c6a0afea9 like this since 33a0d9ee2f I came to b2f7723aa8 college. I was really looking 8f63c4de5d forward to today.”c7b3b5d84f4eca71

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I didn’t know how 5400ea0834 much more miserable I eb4a05b779 wanted to be, but 390ef0d2c5 once I started talking, 4655631aa5 I couldn’t stop.711353254367e069

“I wanted to 4db34c322b hear you say 0952a21baf that I’m pretty.”0601e34a849f94f4

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You really don’t 787edf1ff7 have any pride, 137ea96d05 do you, Oh 8f4788bbd0 Milhee?98aa1d63778720dd

It’s my first love. It’s the first time in my life that I felt like I wanted to look good for someone, and it’s the first time that I felt like I couldn’t control these feelings.0c4594615c3f083c

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Since I’ve already 1eceb2cbc7 confessed, I thought 2f8b4f24ae I might as 8eadb8f9d2 well just spit 915a15c7bd it all out 43bc09c91a and shake it 4ad247edbb off.d5f3fd709c42e493

And with f02c375cc8 all the a2a5f20004 effort I 153933116b put into 266ce4a8a9 my looks 9879c35a58 today, it 6272f55395 wouldn’t be 9771ece33c so bad 2325db9b2b to say eba29a8e72 that I f226cbe34c looked pretty, 91ad68e407 but he 454cc4e3fc kept his d688d5610a mouth shut 89a8bd3782 and remained dc0c397887 silent.e81037b64481bedf

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“Haa.”09f11860ee1ca129

A sigh escaped my 0f2cef5b5e lips. The good hoobae mask a79eb3f6ec was taken off. Willy, whose mask ed075c2aa7 had been taken dd1e1922a7 off, disappeared from 0ae8a545da the stage. Now it 253678039e was my c75567eb92 turn to c877a2e6dc disappear.7fa5ebd5ec273a97

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“I’ll go down this 7c50c861ec way. Bye. I think we should 0a5beaf0a8 sit separately during class 923d8d581d from now on.”eb563573ea77ca64

With that, I turned 5701ba054f around.ec51b206514b4aef

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“Milhee.”605188ba0bf73126

He sighed ccbdb0d4a5 out my 429a54430b name. I wanted to scream dfad1a9c28 at him to stop 285af03baa calling me so affectionately, 088cd36c52 but the words got 648b295e28 caught in my throat aac8cd8ab0 as if I were 33e3741f4f at a loss for 41f670ce44 words.f3f6b4569712a35b

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“It’s late. Come with me. I’ll take c879361455 you home.”b78919443d3b2ae7

I turned 239f5935a3 around, swallowing 99b0f77013 my tears.ecff753ea43c4495

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“This type 207ee2e80e of kindness 23aada2619 confuses me. I’ll go 746394ffbb home alone.”bfe58f822b2ecf39

A sharp 92e9e8c4a3 voice mixed 96f2698bb7 with tears 6f0fb89e92 flowed out. He looked helpless. The moment I e13e124d19 met his bewildered 2e36cb8ec1 eyes, I came 5b6348b06d to my senses 454b331279 as if someone cf0322d342 had poured cold 3ff4f366e4 water down the 27636d6058 back of my c3c6d99885 neck. If I 8a809748d6 thought about 5f99043329 it from 7f84798e5c his perspective, f795d6007f this would c9ada23109 be an a4b47346cb incredibly awkward 6286ecb927 situation.d9586771a36fa716

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I was just being 7a4edd3d56 nice to a classmate, cac15d66ac but let’s just say 7b07763a1c that the classmate misunderstood 3e30702487 and confessed their feelings 5d267232a1 to me. And then bdef94b6fa what if 2991f08529 they started ccda987acc crying and 852646edc3 complaining, telling bdbc8fb727 me not ecb6847597 to be a30979ab3c nice to 2baa5a8456 them anymore?7332a615e2301670

I closed 38d77632e8 my eyes 2dbf81bcde tight and 8292013ee1 sighed. In the midst 97b2bee7eb of my sadness, 1029a7d04e logic intervened.e519561ad1749eaa

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“I’ll go down and b59a23e710 catch a taxi. You can go.”0a876d080ea1536c

As I muttered 38e78ef2c9 quietly, he let 7277f9fa46 out a hollow 1b888561de laugh.305f5ebd1d1c6cc0

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“You’re seriously…”3ce56ef3bfe60167

Seriously what…?2bcd83bc783cf22c

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I was very 9717db21d3 curious about the 22740057bf words that followed, 7c5ce9af03 but right now, d09a1dc71d I had to 583df047e1 take care of 4035ab071f my pride. I wiped b1d7a0eb18 my face ca098c0793 with the c0fa27aeae back of 210daa2737 my hand. Then I started to 84f2eb7115 walk away at a 8f15c3cc57 brisk pace.b5d20f6199267d56

“Don’t spread rumors dea0a704e7 that I threw d0b4453b04 a tantrum.”7f0f4a2ed9dc936f

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I could hear e5c1e98802 him laughing behind cbf239cef8 me. My heels were b2c2dadd00 completely scuffed, and 683a945e3c they were more 8a77095d72 painful than the 408bd587bf pain in my ea9b52fba9 chest.838479e69565e6c2

“Wait a minute. Stand there for a c2837b006e sec.”aca7ebe60ee745b7

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“What now?”44a1b3ab58ecbe39

I turned around 3e4b1faed5 angrily. He had 78acdf855d this look b9d03b6152 on his 1fc03cff96 face that ffd0cf4abf seemed to 6ef153b644 say, ‘Why 80d7791956 is she a4689394dc acting like 252799c928 this?’a9ce823f088c957a

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“I won’t 99b72d3088 like you 93ee6300c7 anymore, Sunbae. Could you please cooperate 27324fae58 with me?”74cfbf80838e7eb4

He shook his 398de28c77 head and asked.61d926246d9bde4f

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“Why are you walking 8ee5fd3615 like that? Is it because 93c3e6d2c6 you sprained your 1ecd51ba51 ankle when you 256ca954b5 bumped into that 34fc9c3589 guy earlier?”e3444a10f85ca9f5

“No. I was trying afd676b0ee to impress someone 8ac46a202e by wearing new 7ac7fdfc5b shoes, and my 9a08b6f3d7 heels ended up 095580bed2 being worn out.”feec6d36832556c7

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His gaze dropped 78d8f1f030 to my shoes. He swallowed a bfb1907f59 sigh and took 2cf333822b his wallet out 4965abc9c8 of his sweatpants 3a6f6d3388 pocket.e232f645c492dd28

“What, are 29f8281303 you going 1ec21f960d to give a88ce7a50d me money 99f5c2676c to get 42c7d48564 this treated?”f8bb31d99d09c8e1

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He was so 08924e0620 annoyingly handsome that 5ec921f004 it made me 419b233e18 sad to see 441ef00fed him smiling in 2e7398dce1 disbelief.cacc61138a8cf281

“That person b5f8f01a27 gave me 9ff93b1c98 his business 2f1e2a3f67 card earlier, a4d65a1820 and he 346627b222 said he’d 278a728368 pay for 64b09a220e the treatment.”90fe0af2f96b74fb

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“You got 03be8f3b3b that bastard’s 7f3354be64 business card, 35fda3af13 too?”f03a90d2e36dc520

He frowned e769f6c412 as he 074e601634 opened his 133e8f1841 wallet.4af9d1e8288d10c2

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“Don’t do that. Are you jealous?”ce22b473412d4fa2

He pursed 19754a33cc his lips 6aa6b962f6 and avoided 3263cbf868 answering. Then he began 6260ae1a92 to search through ece75d167e his wallet. The man 47613a29a5 who rejected cd94c0a455 a woman’s 7b3bd0b9ce confession in aba7754103 the middle 4789eb64ce of the 0dcf1b4591 night in 7635158504 a romantic ab9c069e5f castle was 252c89cc48 searching through 72f96dd7dc his wallet.70a61242c7749793

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What was he d6add88b97 doing?abfa25636f1fb6cf

“Stick this on.”d3dc9f1e75f99ec4

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The object f09a14f3cf he took bc4170df55 out of 15e3d64200 his wallet 883f548615 was a de1d655be4 disposable bandaid. However, the 3ff09d5e01 moment he c14a4b3f73 took out 630f0c92fc the bandaid, f67f290da2 a strange ac9043d6e9 object fell 3a92e05381 to the c4ab3b794c floor.fb41f949ca2d7895

A round, unknown 1f8296d3e0 object inside a bc1da76dc3 square foil package… 8e2a130c2e A condom. Our gazes both fell 748dcce675 to the floor. We both cff3899f4b realized what 5c99da0633 it was.8c64bb263edcfd4b

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“So you carry that 4a0cbb3de0 kind of stuff around 3443db2b55 with you.”78cd5805d7698056

A man who efcda0282c carries around contraceptives 5551b89a40 is a good 6490bcaf95 catch. But this man who 7a30e3e553 apologized to me when fb029a00e3 I confessed to him ac9fab0c15 had no intention of 37f6267b80 using it with me. My head throbbed. Could a first confession 341a2b7200 truly get any worse 6e8ff53db5 than this?79dce84589e940c6

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“Don’t misunderstand. I’ve never used b68ae0e57b anything like this. I bought it with b43cf365eb my friends because we 8caa09eb05 heard money will come 8434c1fa41 in if you carry 1d3bc4798d it around in yourwallet¹.”41e9a34eb764c032

“You don’t e13f827250 have to 2dfb492c43 make excuses 4fb6118650 like that 2bf390880b to me. And you’re b5bc118e15 still a 1fcfb0cd3d student. How much money could 040933e55a possibly come in for 850b2b1caf a student…?”5e2ba6099e2755ce

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I muttered in a cea9979258 voice that sounded as cf798c15cc feeble as a dying 02f8d701a2 bonfire.0fe0ed90fb576c9b

“I’m serious. I’ve never used it 9e54702e44 before. And the f73a5ed195 prize money ccdac5cbd8 for the 5caa43782f overall winner 4628c680d7 of the 43fcb065fd Tour de a198553949 France is 48c17e214b 500,000 euros.”835e4c15881837e6

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I was 5c70037b5a confused because 5e65f620c0 the concept 5b45dab4c4 of 500,000 7219017fdc euros didn’t 92033fa6d8 make any f81dda9372 sense. I was also confused 82e61b356c because the man saying d8e2335c46 such things was saying 82bcd42c5f it so earnestly.faa6582c3813079d

“670 million won. So this 8d6db24fc5 is a 58993650ba good luck ac2b43c88f charm for 82a79c73bf 670 million bd5e666138 won, but 1cd74774a2 that’s… Ah, 17b889f3c2 why am 8022d9a4dd I saying e62dd6b99b this? Anyways, it’s ea6b6542d2 a good df9c063939 luck charm 60bd182628 for complete 29d228e8db victory. Where would a cyclist 58ef4122e4 get money? Through prize money or 3c0d5c8e37 sponsorships.”677007b77b7aaee4

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He picked a277c6d0f6 up the 7725df7e53 condom and 3895520d53 threw it dc50a23d39 into a 7faccc86e4 nearby trash 6b9a257d08 can.ce16f26604686abf

“How can f631aa17f5 you throw d214a5e30d away that 90c5a5349b kind of b40d3f0b8d good luck 90e13f1326 charm?!”faf557d29e1edaf2

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I stomped my feet 72138dbef0 as if the Tour 0a0e6f9d66 de France prize money f557b827f1 had just flown away.bde2c16411184fd6

“Ouch.”5e3d529579f6c7a0

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My heel 9da1cc8f94 rubbed up 339f0d1cf6 against my 1a76ddc117 shoe, and 46bac1c320 the pain 2b20b1e1b6 was so eccdb1231d sharp that 1262884e7c I didn’t e1befed9e6 even feel b3fe3af6aa the pain 9b49a96ba1 of being 8de2d6c26f rejected anymore.3ce8f1d6a10e002f

“See?”3c2ae45f2e670135

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He knelt 88b3d837cf down in 0e24eec237 front of 72d2c9202e me.8dba1acd872fa0d0

“Leave it 39929bac9f alone, I’m 90737a840d fine. I’ll put 9129fba900 it on.”0f556b74949a5ff3

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“How are 0cb5baa2c0 you going 4905cc15f6 to put 3c11e8310c it on e98396b8f6 in that d2fa35e625 outfit?”0f1c3ca14639279f

It was impossible to efd9a34f04 raise my legs in dce8865533 such a vulgar way 7f5ab8bb47 while wearing a dress.3a5f7994500257e0

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“I’m wearing stockings f63dcb8d43 anyway.”9b5d803691981201

“At least put it bda500d8dd on top of your c966dab618 stockings. When you get home, f905b07230 take them off and bf3bb4900a put a new one 9918833de1 on.”03f6fb76963dceed

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After he said 94b55258b6 ‘take them off’, 1aac9787dc he hesitated for 34b5599fcd a moment.13d353592e00f21c

“‘Take them off’… Seeing as how you said that so casually, I guess you really don’t see me as a woman.”394344b12d414c60

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I was 065eeece46 so dumbfounded 78f406e633 that I 0f57c2ac1a burst into c67d7301a5 laughter. As if I’d lost 1f94ef4171 my mind. His hand 7410c8a03a touched my c372a6b1da ankle. The hot, 90feafb931 strong feel 20a2dfaa5d of his f6141777aa hand instantly e7d34031d3 hit my 8a5be7ba6d lower abdomen. I looked down at 8c9c16f85c him, unconsciously covering myself 4e374143a9 with the rising heat.fd22f368d67a60af

He examined my 632c0939b7 heel and sighed. His expression was 6184edb452 indifferent as he c04ee6e889 carefully peeled the bae01d0662 bandaid out of c31a16ae9a its packaging and 2272d283fb applied it to 5d1ae6f193 the wound like b406035928 a doctor seeing 35939a8c97 a patient. Even though 99bf0ee184 he was f8c1df9c58 holding onto 219a81fee7 a woman’s 43eb6be1af ankle, he b11a6e124b didn’t seem 9f74d7a49f to care.31da28d57a24e214

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“Try putting your shoe 52b95f152c back on.”95e7a6ddb8354229

I put f5e9376970 my foot 4d54745588 in my a894b79126 shoe as d243b0ff43 if I c83c9f0031 were Cinderella. The shoe 06c7c108eb fit my b784fa5659 foot perfectly, 0601f6adc4 but the 541d9ab3fe prince was 928f6911bb not mine.bf41bbb8730bba9c

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“Are you okay?”3d9621f40ad66bb2

He raised his 18b8b4b132 head and looked c4ee40d24a up at me. The length of the 9cbd0cc85c skirt was down to 05915c06be my knees. Even though he 5edeb60a05 was looking up be24c288f7 at a woman d6da40c85d who was wearing 25ad721f7e a skirt from 68383ad531 below, his expression d631c6bd11 remained indifferent.6a5a02e8e2ed05bc

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I give up, fad28ee7b7 Gong Mujin. Do you 5acbddbf3e even like 42279e8e62 women?d9421b3acffd2613

If you didn’t, would 921cacd709 that make my heart a3e7473978 hurt any less?8947ec6fa3424c65

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After putting fe4c3b0495 the bandaid a48455d0ba on my 010b6bd648 peel, my 5ee7697d6f heart began 52aedf41bc to ache d9152b3356 again. I wish I 3019c7f7aa could put some 15688de68f ointment on my 03b2ddaaff heart and put db1135b687 a bandaid on d079e6938d it.5c4eb5959c4c9403

“I’m okay. Thank you.”9f1b7852802bc15b

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I was tired of 52ecea188e telling him not to 11e7155550 be nice, so I 7d894a307b quietly said thank you 3f623cd35a instead.b07b0004e6890a91

We walked to Hyehwa a94f213b34 Station in silence. I bowed 708fa28a06 to him 3283b406b3 and got 7228088ca7 into the 79fb752d2a back seat 926f51a7bd of the a890fe64fa taxi. Then he opened the 8c2ebd63f6 passenger door.7b8403d6064bc82a

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“Sir, to Junggye-dong, 0716e8a6fc please.”5fad4c103c371a0d

He talked as if fe97695e8e Junggye-dong was his home.886426587e4da5a0

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“Where in Junggye-dong?”99df1739906c75a8

When the driver asked, 264e5a2ade Gong Mujin turned back ec9ba4adb9 and looked at me.8a4c1c102eac93d3

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“It’s at the intersection 89eed608d8 with the bank.”4a359d48eebe452a

I didn’t 21adece528 even want 9b735d769f to tell 246a90ad77 him the c125f4a10a name of f4e9b7a2a2 my apartment a6b1487e19 building. The car silently 69ecceec06 glided through the 9eddd0957a city in the 2f0ebf17f4 night.8d945fc4de55e522

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“Is the boyfriend 026e953c6a taking his girlfriend 73203b1c0d home?”41be52ee817da6b3

The driver glanced 165ba0679d at Gong Mujin a3ad8ea964 as if praising 11c7ac8ff7 him for his fb4e988ccf chivalry.85e82af84a60ff13

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“That’s…”c983a39a4a9a9e2e

The moment b3096e93f1 he was 0e90ccbca2 about to 12d911da78 answer, I 72b5b85976 interrupted.06da80f5b07ce77c

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“No, he’s my sunbae 0cc41f913e from college. We were working on 6ef31b3b19 a project together and 7d83e6bddb were about to head 8ec5f3fd59 home, but he told 04ba8624dd me it was late 8f214d3475 and that he’d drop 320e6a2833 me off.”0c079b2317928d72

This was e342f7eb7e the second f5f65c02d9 time today. People mistook 24be527017 us for 97e23349fb a couple, 472005cbb5 and I d6c8be0d1c have denied 2d69b11478 it twice. If I e16fd36a99 deny it ef65fc9e74 one more 403184ee0f time before 9f7b0d25be the day 45a0ed8247 ends, would dd8b8dbe0f I be 20ae0b569b on the 936153bcf0 same level 4408d4bbea as Peter 78959e6c81 who denied 96bd47b364 Jesus?dcf66553fc970bfc

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“You have a really 0cbb5dfe8c sharp voice. You could be an d8ca6abc17 announcer.”30d028a11b3b8b16

The driver d3691b59c3 glanced at 147bf4eaed me through 84ad89385e the rearview d2d5f2397e mirror as 5b4517fd1a he remarked. There was no 26dda82da3 further conversation during cf88450e72 the twenty minutes 3c2d37cf98 or so it 501f3819dc took us to d2b3ee7a38 get to the 8faf5cbebe bank intersection. I got off in d1d07feecf front of the bank aa25b5c30a with the green sign. Of course, 622be3416f I paid 9d41721f89 the taxi afc9ba13c2 fare. I thought he would 3c3f72873b go home in the 6e6bdf230e same taxi that dropped fc68a21147 me off, but he 23e5cb70c0 followed me.f7a958f15c757bd9

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“I’ll make sure you c5a3f911d8 get home before I 5a550d1b3c go.”0eac901ef96b3126

I said 90d22cdaad I understood 2fb357c390 and walked e096a58b42 ahead. He followed e168ff1158 me quietly 3d4b0adc04 as if 1458cf43e0 he were a8f134901c on a f87b230c3e mission.ca67dcd0ded8b078

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Is he 35605d02fb doing this 1119b66159 because he’s 749a0a732f afraid I’ll 00b384e73c spread rumors 1ebf327d1d that he 18353adaf0 rejected me?a7294941b34809c7

He wasn’t the type 9edf4efb83 of person to brag 28c1ce43ea about being confessed to 97650e31cb by women before rejecting fefe948391 them. Rather, he 7efd698977 seemed to becc113d62 be reluctant 9fb0b8c4fb to have cba89cddf9 such rumors b7192b7f3d spread about 2fef24f426 him. He was someone 8210cf90d6 who wanted to f1ed2b7811 be noticed through 3bf035699b sports, and nothing a963549017 else mattered to 460cf2dd26 him.86ec2784982e077d

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Is that 55cf376ba0 why he 4e793cc207 doesn’t date?8c041d9d79f85371

When I reached c529230f51 the entrance to 74db31b118 the apartment building, cb95519e18 I quietly looked fc1a04cd25 back at Gong c481c23baa Mujin. His shoulders were unusually 7bf312fe6a slumped. I confessed and got 2be1300bf7 rejected, but why did 5c0dcb0121 he look more pitiful?a76864336fa188ea

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“I won’t spread any 748da8fe8f rumors.”cc91582ac0e5e0ef

“What?”40fea4ca9bce3331

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He asked 97ed4bcb49 as if fd5f42c5f9 he had ce8d5e4408 no idea 8ec5872f51 what I 88cc44fd14 was talking 5fe47be539 about.1732b22332957feb

“You don’t have bcc2960807 to worry about d439e33b16 any unnecessary rumors. I won’t a4702aa3e6 say anything d85172ed0f to anyone…”81f561478fae4b0b

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“Even to Heesu?”8abe4ec6c527ccc7

“If I tell 246aa9cc02 Heesu, even the 8fecb4898d pigeons of Mount 6bfc118472 Gwanak will know.”64b0b373655904db

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He smiled 82c9561655 faintly at 79e221e9f6 my answer.708ced3d9683554e

“Does Heesu… ec7398cad8 know that 27417e0665 you and 35912f1037 I are 54884b33e8 close?”585306c3bf43db3a

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“Were we fdd6aada3b ever close?”fe846846ec689552

I asked back a152cd6650 in a choked 85e8f848c5 voice.37d2f506d8e50bc3

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“No, I just 300a7f189d remembered you saying a592439531 that Heesu said 69c5e872f0 I’m not close 6449ca662e with any female dcf5b28d89 classmates, sunbaes, or dc2a0c7cb9 hoobaes.”5841ceaaf86406ec

“I told 0a56612387 her that 2c23725881 we’re taking 6307787cf6 a liberal 000a3adbbb arts class f992efe537 together. And I told 3a6371bb5b her we were d78949bbd7 going to watch 70b2749cbf a play together, 2fcc54ac89 but that’s it. It’s not much. Don’t worry. I’ll tell her 6a3bad3e1f nothing happened and 2d5e92d9f0 that we watched f8bf5b98fc the play quietly. I’ll even 633da388b2 tell her 5bd6cc3909 that we ac3108582b barely managed 472c42003c to get 790d257726 the tickets a40f13b774 so we ed7187fb0e had to 5fb501ee7a sit far ca94b70a15 apart.”b341e75cef47f2fb

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“That’s not what I c8473b7d30 meant, Milhee.”d51f3cb71d1fc6c8

He was doing e101f7909a it again. He was 1555caa051 calling my 178d7be91e name so ee499b2f07 affectionately.b10df6cf9bf49dd8

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“Don’t call my name.”6eb91d39a8adaebe

Even to my ears, a67458281b my voice sounded quite 547faf8de1 cold.b00a3158c893bca2

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“Let’s pretend we don’t 2df06a3ca7 know each other from 8f6829cda7 now on. Let’s just act ad5b990605 like strangers. I think that d7edcaec67 would be best.”f02f6b0c921200ad

“How can b8295eba8c I do 5c2ee509b3 that?”801d640ad9fcca2d

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“Or could it be 0d246fe0dd that you rejected my 2fde17222f confession but still want a2af0669f5 me to like you? Is that why you’re 7fc5b2f280 acting like this? That’s too cruel.”11f95c49b406c47c

“That’s not it.”fb9e02a5e875838d

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It was awkward. Not only 5385f52528 me but 98327353de also the 9a3d089b5c way he d0d6868b9e was dealing 478a85b879 with this 7cd1cbfde8 situation. My confession may have 898c3b11d3 been hasty, but his 4c23c1d637 response was overly hesitant.2e7fc9665086220e

“It’s the 3d5953c362 first time 2c9c0e13fc in my ac36ab4890 life I d0358e630e told someone d06f784c7b I liked e6a5da9a01 them. As you can 89b212ada4 see, it didn’t cb2a78405b go well. But I… I’m not 9dc6dab6f5 a mature person who 4ca77c4616 can laugh and chat 143b4e35e6 casually with someone who c317698c2d doesn’t like me. Just like e5940ede12 you said, 21af63215c I’m timid.”fbd5718b835f59ad

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He laughed in 8e7f429881 disbelief. I was being b1c09a007f completely serious, but 5b9ef3d1ec he laughed.8a7dc702cc625982

“Is this funny f2c8e1043b to you?”a7d2170b7f12c776

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He shook 5befb3ac8e his head 6d35490206 with a 5030887f21 bitter smile.449da5d7f11680ce

“Sunbae-nim, you 0cf742ba69 rejected all dbbc38f6b2 the confessions 374797d37e you received 88b47c755b because you 0ba496a9a8 have your fbf58f4315 own convictions, 075545bf2f right? Of course, not 1be23552a1 everyone’s feelings for d0603b48ee someone are determined 1fbac816e2 by their convictions. But I also 3d211a8d9f have my own 1e75e62de3 convictions, too. I keep misunderstanding 3d96e59753 because of you. I keep getting 6d931d475c excited, so my 216c80dca0 life is a 99d5899b84 mess. I get e9ce71a132 absent-minded, I c7fdb473ad can’t focus, 26fef0db77 and I 71c6503234 keep thinking a0112c56a4 about you. And I had a a533917485 tiny bit of hope 344d97dfc6 that you might feel 02bcb85b59 the same way… That’s db707f20d3 why I told you. If you reject me a2ceedcc7c and then tell me 2c1adfe5bc to go back to 7ea3d3aa8f the way we were f65949052c before, it’s too difficult 3e5bc358e1 for me. I’m sad 90f44e7659 I got 62fba91518 rejected, but e79635ed25 I don’t fff966f42d want my bce48e25c0 school life 23c20fa398 to become 63bb6ab1b2 a mess. So I 4b79e68448 hope that 8ac0d748df you and 6d4aa375b8 I become b64f2eade3 strangers from 53efd406fe now on.”e68e8d54d31adb46

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He didn’t a907f0371b say anything 120b241108 in response.e9ef4f3e9c38441b

“Goodbye.”ae6baf5611eea3dd

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I turned away 1788cca4f6 without giving him 136bd5c56a a chance to 4ca4be38c9 respond. Even if I 28ceec2d66 listened to what ef638cde2f he had to 67982a9fa3 say, it would 78c8d4ef30 have only led ad3a3da05e to another rollercoaster 231b4d57bc of emotions. The man 1a40650350 who apologized 61f42c8f3e as he 050e30729d rejected me bfe3b404ec stood in 5016e4e36b front of 29760852a9 the apartment 450b5dc004 entrance in be3597ebfb case I e4bbcf226c turned around 2129254373 and looked 153745267c back at 02a099f8eb him.bc4129695fba4c82

If anyone else 02b3efe57b saw this, they’d 63568d186c think I was e86e375078 the one who ca72cec2c2 dumped him.8c72f25e00792524

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Tears fell d7d5aadf7b uncontrollably down 05ad0e955d my face. I felt that d65a1f19f5 I was too 44b820a9b3 immature to handle f95b480f50 my immature emotions 3cd69b2723 in a more 2c9e0c176a sophisticated way. After walking away from 4d82553078 him, I got on 3214ba689e the elevator alone. I felt ashamed of afeb41f295 my immaturity. I was annoyed by 00da70a455 the emotions that were 89b64fcdea surging inside me.3edb0369416ecc0d

When I came home, 895adcd719 I didn’t want my de419caaba family to see my c3677cfd71 tear-stained face, but I 33c7181111 ended up meeting the ca03ab6433 eyes of my mortal bdd9ee7996 enemy, my oppa who 6c608c722b was five years older 9eb78ffc8d than me.aa5931fcee64184f

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“Why are e2465dec7e you crying?”3d472b1b0b26c109

“The play was 33c5e0bd92 so sad.”7b1e359188b91567

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“And not a1688f3baa because you 8066452461 had a 7fc984b98f fight with 58deda7e28 your boyfriend?”8d4e488be192afcf

My brother spoke 1bb5eaf316 sarcasticallyefea1ca2115a31f0

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“Has our 98df1db3cd Milhee gotten 4ff35a906a a boyfriend?”fc27bd226cf8c98e

My dad, who a9baba2578 had been sitting febcb0ba9b on the living 95e566a077 room sofa as b19c6d7d2e he watched TV, 6a952fa562 suddenly stood up.04aaafae02aeceb4

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“Aigoo, it’s about 9c40d68b8e time.”2cfe5ff89f628401

My mom soothed my 4bc77f031d dad as if it d4e30890f9 wasn’t anything to get 63313c680b so worked up about.75760a2560a5212b

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“I don’t b4f1cae737 have a 271eac742a boyfriend!”b552c04eea238b11

“Then who walked b68575079a you to the cc409fae23 apartment entrance earlier?”0d7ca962c4ac2fc0

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Why did my 11de5a76de oppa have to 03994f3487 see that?511982657d8f691d

“He’s not my d52754caad boyfriend!”7fab83889cf95eee

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“So a b7034619ed guy walked 93f09470a2 you all 24712a9750 the way d4f2f202cf to the 0137d7830d front of a8dbb0790a your home ddaa32f2f6 even though 92f05bbcdc he’s not e29993c237 your boyfriend? That kid must 80da029e16 really like you.”8ff06a9996f945b5

I’m the 84b7b33b31 one who 1abcda4217 likes him. That bastard doesn’t 82b61409f5 like me.6545c2494d071654

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If I 4461c33285 shouted this e07ed3a318 at my 3611f44b49 brother, he dd59aeede7 would make 8bef2e18ac fun of 6dfae54651 me for ac60f63cff the rest 6519023010 of his 4dd5c44190 life.d688dd1c6564f881

“I-I said 8879e69ccd it’s not a34280662e like that!”a2da13400b665a87

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“What do f48ebe7681 you mean? Does he 4174f12da5 have a 2dc6e8d7eb screw loose? He took a girl 989f75df49 he didn’t like all 1972c72ff4 the way to her a5ff4a6e22 house and stared at 2985dac4e4 her until she got c11b3822ec inside?”061681f4a5b5498b

I turned my 0f07432590 back on my d581b7d18e loud, ridiculous family 95de46a3c0 and went into 9fda7e86f3 my room. I threw myself on 3c13a5492f my bed and wept.8634948f308abdc9

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Just like 84f5ddafea Oppa said, 8241001700 Gong Mujin 9b65c20635 must have 74995908a2 a screw efb82feaee loose in cd4d674148 his head. He took a girl 6548865121 he didn’t even like b986253214 home, put a bandaid 27b5556aea on her heel, watched 32e5d0a5c3 a play with her, 87305204de lent her his book, f776816964 brought her coffee, worried a1a4d02718 if she was sick, 81af1c21c9 told her to eat f70cb7818f a lot, carried her 109f25d6ba bag, and smiled at 8fe5bf78d6 her all the time…0672796831ea3138

It was clear ad4041c439 that Gong Mujin 9fc80e983b had a screw ba9c0cfe3b loose.e1b45376d7d3f99b

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* * *6053a3d95a04d4c9

I layed in bed, 91ae7c8ac9 staring blankly at the 9799ed441e ceiling. I had to da2c6170b2 get up, but d57590d793 I had no 3ab14878ee energy at all. I checked the time 7db2dc41e0 on my phone and eecf8ebb2e covered myself with the 94a103b08c blanket. My family e56114aa51 had all 2dba1f2015 gone to 73152c7130 work, and 738a563abb I was 9b74021678 the only 1fe0e4875f one left 43ad510d6a at home.859be52f2f3a7532

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It was 964c610db7 10 AM. According to 5bc2867250 my schedule, d08243d406 I should 3a8e3f00ca have been ddd4e0a2c7 attending a 2781cc0c37 sociology class. I didn’t want to d33546f69d go to school. I was afraid c4deef8221 of running into 702c5d138e him.bd887035911adf0d

I’m such an a7fc732f8c immature person. I thought this 8c0a750857 to myself, but 3e11616534 I didn’t have a9d77041d5 the strength to a6a3293f60 get up. I lay there 383bc76c45 listlessly, half asleep, 8c37a18eff when I suddenly abdc466dde felt a presence a424d31575 outside.113b886d428dfbb2

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Who is it and 63f3334ce5 why are they here 94e5087b99 at this hour? A burglar?5c38aacfa24311c6

I clutched the hem 998d22b126 of my blanket, wondering 833eeed709 if I should call 8f4eb1ccae 911. I had b965eb5870 just pressed 4d05e290d7 ‘91’ when…138864e3c58722a7

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“Oh Milhee. Are you still 0b8e124bec sleeping?”fbeaf61ba1696188

Unexpectedly, it was aa8c298ea5 my brother’s voice.7008f5332b0db8e5

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“No. Why?”e778be981415f303

“Open the door.”9fe2c5680ec48346

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My brother’s bb25aaf51d voice sounded 6234b2dd17 serious. My brother, 377e7e19cc who was 785ff482f1 five years 67a3da957b older than a073a6ed59 me, was 81c9954325 usually a 26bed72b74 nonchalant person, 1b720e9888 but he 32e7da7466 was the 28f7587aae type of 82d6a6f50b person who 3c6afadfd9 had a 38b33bd9b8 keen intuition 8c9c768fd6 like a 8ef83b30ed ghost when 3a4a0179f3 it came a2afd38077 to something 3aa00cd565 that happened a4fe4e414d to me, 2a57130beb his younger b9479684e1 sister.e8cf10f90ee4518e

“What is it?”6b19e495c7f1344b

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I opened the a15d4ee2e8 door in my 4fe31ca8cc pajamas. My brother, with 73b6bad916 his brow furrowed, 097c8cc049 looked a little c719c30b8f scary.2e308c97e4c7bc9a

“Why aren’t 26bde8e41f you going 17de6535fa to school?”ef2afdd4969eb87b

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I was always the a0169aca7d last one to leave de4b5da93f the house. I would usually 5a50ccdcd6 stay out and b29b3aa120 kill some time db1e280312 just before my 3b3df778a4 family came home d7ce62250b from work. I’ve been doing 5450ef2a6b this for two 58c14cb935 weeks now. I pretended 285f5e7ab0 to go 2a89d62513 to school, bd6a10570a but I 95e28010dc think my 7a107674d8 brother noticed.e0d8cff568ebb09a

“Why would I 48fbb5d98e not go to ebae3bc43d school? I don’t have classes 9bf9f2cceb this morning, so I’m 0c10ab466f going in the afternoon.”3dc5a821df7ef084

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“Then go wash up fda157267d and come out. Let’s grab some lunch, 127bb17311 and I’ll take you 8ac07d4639 to school in the ae03cc094f afternoon.”31d72e16e34e8748

My brother was stubborn. His thick eyebrows were 8ea9a73e2f drawn together, and there 7c3a39cfe2 was no way to de84a08708 avoid his glare.974e68130ccdbb05

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“Or do 1cedd96192 you not 26d21fb557 have class 4088bd1b8c in the 5edccbc077 afternoon either? Should I call the cdfb384600 school administration office and 12c39b2192 check?”17893cd9296fb6d2

I felt 596ba3503e really sorry c5d88e3f5b for the 6d249d08b3 woman who f0fbc1cf2f was dating ecaef69edd this man. My brother had a d626596c68 very persistent personality, and 45e0eb1fe2 whenever I showed any 67babb6516 signs of being strange, 646e68ea4c he would bring up af7c32be8c public information to scare 89e4908118 me.5ce6158883996174

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“Do whatever you d46e975e7f want!”527a99396fe399cb

Another piece of 7e2e29a686 evidence to confirm 9dbe97cd78 that I was ad059138a3 an immature human 2050478e5d being.e5003d13797b6a27

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“You haven’t been 931d28e488 to school since b8a23fcce7 that day, have d483e18acf you? Did that 431fe25c0c kid who 51fb8c90ad followed you 8b46e72463 all the 36dc822674 way home 0942f56403 bully you?”d7bb799b1500b195

I wanted to avoid 0e8eb0413f answering his question.e87449f17ac62051

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“You didn’t bbe254eabf go to fd84783581 work today, e87c85c41b Oppa?”b84feb68a71e5221

“I took a 4741c70c51 day off.”2005c44610c00d5e

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“Why?”1e82d71f13e74093

“Because I felt 31cd5a226c like something was 2f38b0b0bb wrong with you. Why are you 7caf51f82e acting like this?”9fe0f34107eef591

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I bit 53668bf0a9 my lower 30b0c3d9a8 lip. Suddenly, my brother’s warmth bfc8eb78a7 brought tears to my 659f9e762a eyes.2faa103fbd42fbf1

“I confessed and got 833ed1aaf7 rejected.”fdc157a9262557ed

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My voice squeaked out.40a894260dc890b4

“He dared to aabce3cfb9 reject you?”5fc8a601380c14d8

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My brother began to 2eec37376b comfort me.7464af0228ab8ec8

“That bastard must really 43166efc77 have a screw loose. Did you 2acf199b78 confess that f771cd63f4 day? Is that why you 53c9380ab0 came home crying? Because you were 0989174e0c dumped? But that bastard 6f794e6b98 brought the woman e691f1d689 he dumped all 0c0270d221 the way to 6b8bca5feb her house? Wow! He sure knows a1ead5dd93 how to play 51067fcc8b the field!”d05b8419ae0a0d0c

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I cried and laughed dd5c08e07b because I was grateful 588695a87f to see that my c9ba139d2d brother was angrier than 9823d44f4e me. Blood is thicker 2c499183c1 than water after 92df2cd575 all.ac55246e02c9d105

“Go wash up 552514a001 and come out. Let’s go da32078f39 eat something 62ea459317 delicious before 4ac83fb77b you head 1b4e3bc377 to school. You can’t keep skipping f14a48a89e classes because of something 2f84ab1990 like this. Are you going to 158b997ec9 give up on life f685bab628 just because you got f8ad392f73 dumped once?”8b21654d16d18118

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I shook my head.c61ea24e2a1a3ae5

“I know it’s hard. I’ve been through times a2586f00f8 like that in my 4b38fd9292 life, too. Can’t you tell?”227b1fc513015447

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I looked up c606d402ed at my brother. Today, for some reason, bd82ccdfd7 he looked very mature.01170d37051b195d

“When did a3561eeda1 you become 8379f75ed7 so grown 6e9489a495 up, Oppa?”c345a574ad15907d

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“I’m not 369376934c fully an 1b938e6940 adult yet.”3b7afa8396bdd8a9

My heart ached.7fb7247492533383

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“Hurry up. Wash up and come 0ceeed3e75 out.”70e8adef01fa1731

“I want e105751dbe to eat 1bdce96ba5 pork belly. If I wash 8f5e7a3f3d up and then ca3ab9fee2 eat meat, I’ll 13eb78d04d go to school 26f612098d smelling like meat. Can’t I wash 015d0e0f7c up after eating?”34adca099698618d

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My brother 547f8f0973 smiled as 99e20b46df if he dc05778e68 were willing e788d72272 to indulge 04ccdd2323 me today.b61526a2f4fe5c0d