DWWWB Ch 1 part 1

It was now December, and talks of a restructuring for the next spring were circulating. The broadcasting station was as hectic and chaotic as usual.

“One milli, two milli, three milli, no, Oh Milhee¹!”

The person who so childishly makes fun of my name is surprisingly not an elementary school student. It’s actually my former sunbae, Producer Han Jihoo. I heard that among the group of PD’s who joined the company in his year, he was the only one who applied for a variety show instead of an educational program. Maybe that’s why he has always been someone with a childish sense of humor.

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As a viewer, I would be able to selectively laugh at his jokes. But as his junior, I was not allowed to do that. Therefore, I was always ready to laugh when it came to PD Han.

But Han Jihoo doesn’t work at the broadcasting station anymore, right?

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“That’s not funny.”

I frowned and lowered my voice.

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“Wow, such a big difference. Now that I’m not working at EBC anymore, you won’t treat me like your sunbae?”

“I’m only stating the facts. What’s not funny isn’t funny.”

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PD Han furrowed his brow and looked like he was on the verge of tears. He treated a small comment like this as if it were a death sentence. In general, producers suffer from a variety of occupational diseases that come with the job, but PD Han suffers from a disease that kills him if he isn’t funny.

“It really isn’t funny?”

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“Isn’t it time for me to be honest as a viewer now? Anyways, did you end up staying up all night again? I heard you got a huge raise. Seems like all you’re doing is work these days. Your complexion is so pale.”

“You’ve grown up, haven’t you? Oh Milhee. But still, you’ll always be Five Milli.”

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Even though the out-of-context pun stung my pride, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“You laughed!”

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“I suddenly remembered my elementary school days. There was a kid who was just like you…”

I shook my head as I laughed as if it was something trivial. However, PD Han quickly caught on to the hint of respect and envy in my eyes.

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“You did well on your last work.”

The clever PD Han started by praising me.

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“I barely made it. Getting the viewer rating to 10% was crazy tough.”

“Who watches the original broadcast of a variety show in this day and age? If you got 10%, that’s a big hit.”

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A sigh automatically escaped my lips.

“It’s humiliating to call it a hit. Like Sunbae said, who watches weekend variety shows live these days? It’s only the older generation who have the TV as their only source of entertainment and don’t change the channel.”

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“Just keeping the TV on doesn’t get you 10% in viewer ratings.”

PD Han was of the generation that experienced the end of the golden age of network variety shows. When he worked as an AD², network variety show viewership ratings would go over 40%. When I first joined the broadcasting station, variety shows would be canceled if viewership ratings fell below 10%.

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“It feels suffocating, doesn’t it?”

“Being a network PD feels like a low-level job now. Even though I’m part of a broadcasting station, it feels useless… There are too many media outlets now. People see the news on web portals. Variety shows and dramas can be watched on OTT³. Audiobooks, webtoons, memes… Now your competition isn’t other broadcasting stations’ programs. It’s YouTubers.”

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“Aigoo, I can’t listen to this. Keep your whining to a minimum.”

After listening to her rant, PD Han flashed her a mischievous smile.

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“But Sunbae, why are you here?”

“Just ‘cus. I wanted to see some familiar faces here and there.”

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“Did you come to see how rotten and exhausted their faces look?”

A corner of his lips went up. He snickered as if he found this funny.

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“Now that our PD Oh has made a big hit, you seem like a proper variety PD now.”

I laughed for no particular reason.

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“Look at that! You aren’t even getting mad that I called you a variety PD.”

“When have I ever gotten mad at you, Sunbae?”

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“You got mad with your eyes a lot.”

“I’ve cursed at you with my eyes, but I’ve never gotten mad at you.”

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PD Han burst into exaggerated laughter. Whenever someone laughs like this, it means they have an ulterior motive.

“It seems like it was only yesterday when you were struggling to adjust to working on a san-mai⁴ project. You wanted so badly to be transferred into the liberal arts department, so you hid in the editing room and cried every day.”

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“When did I ever hide and cry?”

I asked back, my eyes turning sharp.

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“I only whined about it openly.”

“Wow, Oh Milhee! You should keep doing variety shows. You have a sense for them. You’re quite san-mai.”

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“Enough. Ah, and you know how much I hate that word. Are you going to keep saying it?”

“Sorry, it’s a habit. Third-rate, cheap. Happy?”

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I didn’t even have the energy to talk back to a PD who kept talking so annoyingly. Shibai, san-mai, odoshi, niju, urakai… There were so many Japanese expressions that it was hard to express my annoyance with them all.

Even though it was only a program that the viewers would only watch once and then forget, I stayed up all night in the editing room, trying to present it perfectly. My eyelids were heavy and my shoulders were stiff. And yet I still do not know what a perfect program is.

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“I’m going to sleep now. Take care of your business and go.”

“Did you extend your officetel contract?”

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“I can request an extension next month.”

PD Han said, ‘I see,’ as he stroked his black-blue beard with his palm. I gave him a brief nod as my farewell and turned around.

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“Double your annual salary. Interest-free loan available for your officetel deposit.”

What did I just hear?

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I thought I was hallucinating due to lack of sleep.

“There are incentives based on viewer ratings. OTT services, program exports, and running guarantees based on copyright contracts.”

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I spun around using the crown of my head as an axis.

“What did you just say?”

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“A scouting offer?”

One year ago, PD Han left our broadcasting station and moved to Minerva, a cable broadcasting station. Minerva, which had been showing remarkable growth in parallel with the growth of K-content, successfully launched a global OTT service with the support of a large investment from its parent company. It completely solidified its position by winning major awards at prominent international award ceremonies with its self-produced dramas and movies.

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Minerva was undoubtedly a huge and successful content company. When PD Han said he was moving to Minerva, if I didn’t think he’d take me with him as his hoobae… I would have either been a PD without any ambition or hated PD Han to death. However, I do have ambition, and I respect PD Han professionally.

“What do you plan on doing after scouting me?”

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Even though I was already half-sold on his offer, I thought it would bruise my pride if I showed any signs of eagerness. Even though I don’t have loyalty to my first company, I did have enough affection for it to bother my conscience. Most of all, this was the place that made me a producer, and it’s where my first program blossomed after I devoted much of my youth to it. It’s hard to let go of a first love, no matter how appealing the prize on the other side may be.

“You must not like my offer. Then just pretend you didn’t hear it. You’ve always wanted to be a cultural program producer, right?”

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“It’s not like you’re a psychic. Stop trying to guess what I’m thinking.”

I wanted to act expensive, but I got caught up in PD Han’s hit-and-run technique. PD Han took a big step forward and put his arm around my shoulder. He hunched over as if he were going to tell me a secret. Honestly, this should be something we discussed in secret. The stench of a possibility of switching companies was never good.

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“I’m planning some kind of educational variety show. Filming will start next spring, and it will be uploaded in August. Do you want to join me?”

“Is that all? You don’t even have a plan?”

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“Why are you being like this? Is this your first time producing a program? I’m going to start filming next spring, so how could I possibly have a complete plan in my hands right now?”

“Even if other people don’t have one, you of all people would have one, Sunbae.”

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Out of anyone I knew, PD Han was always a guy with a plan.

“Just trust me and come.”

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“Why should I trust you, Sunbae?”

“Who was the one that arranged your debut program for you before leaving?”

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Again, he used the Japanese term for ‘debut program’. However, I couldn’t point this out to a producer who had been such a big help in the arrangement of my first program.

“I do appreciate your help.”

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“So come to me.”

“You sure have a knack for using heart-fluttering words in a very lame way.”

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PD Han tilted his head and frowned.

“Do I have to make your heart flutter?”

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“Don’t steer the subject into such a weird direction.”

“You, too. Stop beating around the bush. Give me a direct answer.”

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I bit my lower lip and hesitated for a moment.

“Please give me some time to think about it.”

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“How much? Three seconds?”

“Do you like me that much?”

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I frowned as I laughed.

“Yeah.”

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All traces of playfulness disappeared as PD Han answered me solemnly. My expression grew stiff at the unexpected rebuttal.

“I bet that was a bit heart-fluttering just now, am I right?”

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PD Han raised his index finger and flashed her a victorious smile.

“Not at all. My standards are very high. You know that.”

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In Korea, broadcasting stations were places where good-looking people came and went as if it were their own homes. But to my eyes, they all just looked like well-made dolls. There was only one person in my entire life who had captivated me. And that fact still held true.

But PD Han… This ahjussi seriously…

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“Don’t think too deeply, and don’t think too long.”

After finishing his heart-throbbing confession, he spoke to me like he was a lover waiting for an answer. I looked up at him. PD Han took a step back, perhaps thinking our faces were too close. The man coughed awkwardly. But his cheeks were pale rather than red.

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A producer’s complexion was more or less divided into three types: yellow (sallow from fatigue), white (pale like a vampire from spending all day in the editing room), and black (which meant that it was time for them to leave the broadcasting station). However, since Minerva’s production environment was rather good, PD Han’s face was a bright, milky white.

I also want my face to bloom.

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“I’ll let you do whatever program you want.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. He was only trying to bring a junior PD he could easily manipulate, but the sweet talk was excessive.

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“That made your heart flutter, didn’t it?”

I let out a long sigh and shook my head.

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“I don’t think I can go there solely by trusting you, Sunbae. If you offer me a higher salary, I’ll consider it. Goodbye.”

I turned around as if I had no regrets.

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When it comes to job security, I think that a public broadcasting station is still better than a cable broadcasting company. Even if they offered a lot of money, and even if half of the producers were tempted away by the large content company, the other half still remained at EBC.

And was changing jobs easy?

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There were many things to consider and calculate. Minerva is in Sangam-dong, not Ilsan where EBC was situated. I would have to look for a new officetel to commute to work.

Possibly due to my lack of sleep, I was starting to feel lazy in my way of thinking. My ambitions and my recklessness were circling each other, revving the engine to my path to misfortune

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I should go to sleep for now.

Let’s think about it when I wake up.

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A month later, I notified the company that I wanted to resign. I thought that my boss, the head of the variety entertainment department, would at least try to keep me. But when he saw the resignation letter, he just laughed as if he had been expecting this all along.

“Han Jihoo, that bastard. I knew he’d stab me in the back. I knew it.”

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If someone saw him now, they’d think he was stabbed by an enemy general in war. The chief, a world war history nerd, shook his head at me. And I hadn’t even announced my transfer to Minerva yet.

“You acted all sophisticated and noble, but now that you’ve hit it big here, even Oh Milhee is going after the money.”

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In a capitalist society, would a person pointing a finger at someone who changes jobs for money be considered a communist?

Honestly, the most important factor when changing jobs was the salary. It’s very rare for people to change jobs for a lower salary. Or there may be a significant difference in work-life balance or many other factors that might be too attractive to resist besides salary.

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However, EBC did not have enough appeal to offset the salary offered by Minerva. Minerva’s production environment and working conditions were also superior.

“Be honest, Oh Milhee.”

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And I hadn’t noticed this before, but I discovered something that I found personally disappointing. The chief never added the title ‘PD’ to my name. It was the same as not adding ‘PD’ to Han Jihoo’s name earlier.

How did I endure this?

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In order to pass the broadcasting station entrance exam, called the media exam, you have to go through a tough period of preparation. Once I finally got hired at the station, I was filled with a job-seeking spirit. Intoxicated by this effective job-seeking spirit, I endured four years as an AD. It was a time of hardship that I endured through sheer willpower and tenacity alone, telling myself that I would one day be called a PD.

But once I actually received my first project as a main PD, aired it, and even got ratings that people considered a hit, I still felt empty.

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The job-seeking cravings had been suppressed by the burnout of a new salary. It’s like when an average office worker wants to change jobs once they get promoted.

The person who recognized that moment so amazingly well was PD Han Jihoo. He must have experienced it too, so it wouldn’t have been difficult for him to persuade his wavering hoobae.

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So my heart already left EBC and headed towards Minerva. As I opened my mind to the possibility, the words and actions of the chief who had been treating the members of this department in an inhumane manner flashed before my eyes.

The variety entertainment department seems to be doing the most groundbreaking work, but it was also a place where the old-fashioned culture ran rampant. If you are disliked by the chief, you will be cut off from your program and get stuck in a remote mountain area project instead.

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How did I endure it all this time? You did good, Oh Milhee.

I kept my mouth shut, telling myself that I was enduring it well.

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“Now that you’re leaving, I hope you do well.”

Why was the chief saying such uncharacteristically nice things?

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“But you know what? EBC is a broadcasting station that lives off of TV license fees like electricity. We’re basically no different from civil servants.”

The chief couldn’t break his old habit of picking up and putting down his pack of cigarettes. I heard that before the broadcasting station was designated as a non-smoking building, the chief would sit at his desk in the office and smoke cigarettes. Of course, even after it was designated as a non-smoking building, he couldn’t break his habit and would often open a window and smoke. It caused quite a commotion when the fire alarm went off.

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After receiving several warnings from the company, the chief finally stopped smoking in the office. He took a cigarette out of the pack and put the filter up to his lower lip. This meant that he was so angry that he couldn’t help but pull out a cigarette. It was a sign that the words he spoke would soon become twisted.

I felt my brows furrow, so I forced my facial muscles to straighten out in case they turned into a frown.

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“Minerva is a totally performance-based company, right? If you don’t make them any money, you’ll be kicked out. Even if you want to come back here, I won’t let you.”

Rather than blessing the future of an employee who was quitting, he was sprinkling salt on the wound first.

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Someone had once said these words: ‘Anyone who decides to change jobs is a traitor.’

Once I disappear from here, it’s obvious how much the people at the broadcasting station would curse at me. It was the same when PD Han quit.

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“No, but…”

He sat with his legs wide open to support his bulging belly. His upper body leaned back against the back of his chair. I remember one time when I sat in the back seat of an eleven-seater car with the chief. He sat in the middle and spread his legs so wide that PD Han and I, who had been sitting on either side of him, had to sit with our knees together as if we were being punished.

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Was it because my heart had already left this place? Couldn’t a breakup be beautiful?

It was amazing how everything felt uncomfortable from start to finish.

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“What has that bastard Han Jihoo done in Minerva? How long has it been since he joined that company? Why are you following a bastard who hasn’t shown any results?”

It was obvious that he was trying to provoke me into extracting information. There was no way the chief didn’t know that PD Han was planning a program. But he must have been going insane with curiosity about what this plan was.

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I squinted my eyes and smiled, feigning ignorance.

“Don’t just stand there and smile. Why are you following that incompetent bastard?”

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If PD Han was incompetent at his job, there was no way Minerva would have taken him in.

“Did you sleep with PD Han? Did he say that he’d tell everyone you slept together if you didn’t follow him to Minerva?”

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I still wanted to finish my time here in a pleasant manner, but the chief kept talking with his crude mouth. There were people like him everywhere. They are idiots who think that if they talk about sex freely, they are open-minded people. So if the person listening doesn’t accept it, they are the weird ones for being so narrow-minded. This was clearly harassment.

“That was too harsh, Chief.”

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I straightened my face and hardened my expression.

“Oh my, look at you getting angry. Why? Are you going to bother reporting me to HR when you’re quitting your job anyway?”

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I felt suffocated.

I thought to myself once again. You did really well, Oh Milhee.

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“Since I’m resigning, I’d like to say something as well. I don’t know if this method of yours worked until you got to this position, but it won’t work anymore. The world is changing day by day. We’re in an era where you can’t get the attention of viewers with a production staff who move by intimidation, threats, and hate speech. If you don’t evolve, natural selection will eliminate you. I don’t think I’ll take any phone calls from a chief who has lost his job either. I don’t think you’ll be in this position for long, so I’ll pray that you find another job soon.”

“Hey! How dare you!”

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The manager raised one brow and scolded me. If things didn’t go his way, he was the type of person to yell and throw things from his desk. Since I was already on my way out, I turned on my phone camera first.

‘PDs are tanks. You have to take all the criticism flying towards the program yourself. So don’t be weak. If you want to cry, cry, but cry while you embrace the wounds of the people who trusted you and worked for you. After you’re done crying, protect them. To do that, you have to learn how to protect yourself first.’

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The words that PD Han had once said to me rang in my ears.

“What are you going to throw? What did you say earlier? Did you just ask me if I slept with PD Han?”

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You don’t have to be a broadcaster to know to be careful when the cameras are rolling. Today’s commotion will be a precedent. I wanted to stop this nonsense that will be poured on my juniors who leave the broadcasting station after me.

This was not an era where people were loyal to one company. The meaning of a lifelong job has long since faded. In the Republic of Korea, where there is freedom to choose one’s occupation, why do people who change jobs have to put up with all this nonsense? It’s unfair that I have worked at a company while listening to all this bullshit.

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“Alright, I’ll stay one more week to handle the transition of offloading my duties and then use up all my unused vacation days for the next two weeks. There is no system here that will credit my salary retroactively if I leave without using my vacation days anyway.”

I nodded my head in greeting and left the chief’s office.

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— Hey, I heard you rammed into Chief Cho.

Word travels fast. Not even half a day had passed since I left the chief’s office, and PD Han was now calling me.

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“This isn’t a bullfight, so why would I ram into Chief Cho?”

A cheerful laugh erupted from the other end of the call.

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— Everyone is making a fuss saying that Oh Milhee will make it big. Isn’t that putting too much pressure on me?

The amiable PD Han often laughed when Chief Cho went crazy. The more he did this, the more vicious Chief Cho became. PD Han was a tank heavily armed with laughter.

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“You should feel the pressure. I’m hanging up. I need to focus on the handover of my duties.”

After ending the call, I began to walk down the hallway of the broadcasting station. An announcer from the news department approached me and greeted me.

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“PD Oh Milhee?”

“Yes, hello.”

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She was a female announcer with twenty years of experience who had never been involved with me in any professional manner.

“Good job.”

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“Pardon?”

Come to think of it, she was the MC of a historical program when Chief Cho was the main PD.

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“Chief Cho claims he’s an expert because he was the PD of a historical program, but he knows nothing about it. He’s not intentionally distorting history. That guy simply doesn’t know anything about it. I don’t want to have anything to do with him, so I hate having to continue the fight, but if I’m not here, I feel that he’s going to take the production staff who can’t say anything and send them to some remote mountain. So I’m still here, fighting and holding on.”

I laughed awkwardly.

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“Are you uncomfortable listening to this because you used to work under Chief Cho?”

Although she was clearly reading my mind, she gave me a lukewarm smile as if to soothe my disconcerted feelings.

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“Whether it’s Minerva or not, wherever you go, keep pushing forward just like that.”

She patted my shoulder with an elegant hand.

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“There are people who think that if you stay still, you don’t have any thoughts in your head. Especially people who have been around for a long time. In my time, it was a world where you did whatever you were told. Women’s rights? There was no such thing back then. But I’m thankful that someone like PD Oh said what we couldn’t say. You have to speak up to be heard, and you have to listen to be understood. That’s how the world changes. I’m rooting for you, PD Oh.”

My heart was filled with excitement once again. This was why I wanted to become a PD.

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I wanted to speak out and hope that someone would listen to the program I had in mind. I didn’t have any grand dreams of turning the world upside-down, but I hoped that a small but positive breeze would blow.

“A world where those who speak the truth are cursed and those who do bad things continue to thrive and show off their skills should not exist. Not anymore.”

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With a single word from someone who had no presence in my life until now, I was reminded of the original reason why I wanted to become a PD.

My footsteps down the hallway were filled with strength. Minerva, the Greek goddess of war and wisdom. I silently hoped that the goddess’ smile would accompany my every step.

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