DTM | Chapter 5.1

05. Traces

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I felt suffocated. I twisted my limbs in an attempt to escape the weight pressing down on me, but it only made things worse. The oppressive heaviness grew stronger. Ugh… I’m going to die like this. Teetering at the edge of consciousness, my mind was finally dragged into reality.a9562383366f290a

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“Heavy.”915266cb27a87ce6

I opened my dry 4b50d36428 eyes, and the sight 46f6e99e4f before me was familiar 95159a57a7 yet utterly inappropriate. Dark walls reflecting Kwon 7be55606e3 Yi-tae’s preferences, towering glass ea2cacea60 windows, a black armchair, 06c78f6dc5 and a side table—nothing 2b51b5a376 that should belong in 8704c27587 my officetel.469d0bb7d8479a16

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“I’m screwed.”02ba2df2719cad70

It didn’t aacd688655 take long 4d5265b59e to realize bc5b75ca86 what the 678fd3f489 weight pinning c2d12fd03b me down c58fb9e38f was. A silent scream 16f6ed83b0 exploded in my 94b64c651e mind as a e8ce580a5c chill ran down 8232366d31 the back of b9ae5d3d8d my neck.add29ecadbbc01fb

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The realization brought db2218ac98 with it a 1752bdbc87 flood of memories 4e79bfd493 from the previous 5a3f0713b9 night. I’d gone to 8008babdee ask Yi-tae to 9ae0384354 stop with his d9f3860a0c invasive fantasies, at 8d583f9012 least until the c2504e9e4d documentary filming was e01c207b79 over. Saying it out loud 64bfe89501 had been too daunting, 7c5b525127 so I relied on 76fba67eef the courage granted by fe0c6983a9 soju.220f1e7dc3dc2c24

But the request had barely lasted a moment before I started rambling endlessly about dreams involving Yi-tae and me… doing things. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I’d demanded more alcohol, made a scene, and spilled it all over myself. Oh God, the humiliation. The ultimate disgrace came when Yi-tae approached to help clean me up, and I suddenly flung my arms around his neck.397dcaa0a7ae920e

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Smooch.A quick kiss. I was the one 0b8be2d3d8 who kissed him. Not the other way a9468d0ed8 around—me. And to bf3b5d3b9a make it d004af7f01 even worse…eedbca7aece517d6

 0d6189c977bd2f5e

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“Yi-tae, do you think e5891b902f I’m drunk?”5a882f3ab86da478

“Just get to bb1eebdae2 the point. Don’t try to lead daba84e6cd me somewhere.”475578be33940932

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“Some people 192cffd2d8 sleep with f667ecd035 their exes d004a6620e when they’re e4d81fd21d drunk, you f6277ea02a know.”7d73d799a9c843ee

“……”c83c5f3b9e6fd748

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“It’s common.”3ae51b2d2aca64ba

 1182731e2939521b

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Yi-tae lifted me fb17ce9b7f into his arms 30a3430cda in one swift 2e1b8e4749 motion. Clinging to him, 63519a129c I peppered kisses 86d34313dc along his cheekbones 69cfa09cb5 and jawline.634049a3c02e2079

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“Don’t expect gentlemanly b754132a66 restraint from me. Whether you’re drunk, af5cc84e44 fainted, or asleep, 0bdeec81eb all I’ll think 141ec1a35b about is screwing 39da32b26b you.”9148f76aeb4ef43c

“Yeah, yeah, I know. My ex has 93309174fa a shitty personality.”caef8ce7432b8414

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He nibbled my 0157ae8e68 nose lightly before 807bbb4473 resting his forehead 0b1680f0e0 against mine.28714dbeaec9f2a8

“This is b128c104be the first 729039da42 and last 58544065c1 time I’ll 3edf6cc638 ask. Are you 908473ea5e sure you a9ae54d139 won’t regret 84460a2331 this?”2e79dd6057cd0271

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“I think I 36e4051a8e will.”13d195ff595b5d10

“……”8828d05e44b7b24e

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“I won’t be able to live with the shame of knowing I made the first move because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. So… yeah.”6a9a6d95114e2090

“I understand.”68e85ad3973ed12c

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With a 0976f32ddd slight tilt a66dfb0846 of his 91006761b1 head, Yi-tae 5198a29086 brushed his 747f265fd8 lips against 258526f00f mine and c423cc0f5b whispered softly. e53889bce0db5f0d

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 044befcee0b6d07a

“Then let’s say it d85233cb70 was me who seduced 2f9936ce0a you. All the 828d10bbe9 discomfort and 16e3eaef0a guilt and ed893cef00 any negative 5876395072 emotions, just c7e2d1175c blame them 3feddb270c on me. All you need to 29e0b8bed7 do is cry out 8b78f3ae28 happily beneath me.”d76256c5748c1777

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The memory made 5e7e6b460e my cheeks burn 6d2d5cf445 with shame. Not only had I 0b03299a34 gotten embarrassingly drunk and 5c8bd11b63 acted like a fool, 2d6826780a but I’d also tried d952b50661 to shift all the 1eb9087cdc blame onto him. How am 13343b1244 I ever 87f57c24ba supposed to 7bd4b23c6f face him b56b214d9c again?60c26ff2817be33d

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First things first, is d74c6fe81f to escape. I’ll figure out 75c870d31d the rest later.e09794764ede5633

I slowly 330d7e8fcc peeked under 15b21d2e6a the blanket. The sheets, once 6fca73c6ad sticky with fluids, 0d6ff8c25a had been replaced 5bc8a476ec with fresh ones, 6799b969e8 and my body, 3350ff0aac seemingly washed by ea4d902fea Yi-tae while I bfb5b2715e slept, felt perfectly 5f92b700ba clean. The only problem was 583bb5671b his arm firmly wrapped 9b63da727e around my waist.6dccc15f59d04447

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At least e56e36e0d1 Yi-tae has b19cc30a49 always been 51ce015368 notoriously bad 25e118eba4 at waking 72734593db up in c10add41a7 the morning. Even if b677f59dc6 he sets f8edd17474 ten alarms 43392734d0 in a 81b2053cbb row, he 2d62abfd86 sleeps right b8352195c9 through them. If this were the ce5fddcba4 Joseon Dynasty, and Yi-tae 90be596926 was a king, he’d 44a8873a43 probably have been assassinated e701973650 by a mysterious intruder d287298739 in the middle of 7365962d30 the night.983b249c653da504

That said, e8f9f0e6d6 he has cdaba36e26 this uncanny 478caa661f ability to 1366882f21 wake up ee7f0d4ca0 the moment dd351a94c9 he hears 5b881e8c93 my voice. If I 11bd5313b1 mutter something c73aed39ec about being 273e54f3a4 thirsty in 1e88a00e84 my sleep, 344aa7f627 he’ll stumble ea49831594 to the 4b339e83c8 kitchen like d3aa9c2c55 a zombie f0d9ca16b7 and return cc9c2ff96c with a 002b5fbb5d glass of cafe266324 water. 0fe15fdaf6e8c397

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Only when I take dce8edc77a the cup do I f632e407d6 realize I must have 55e94e7b8d said something aloud. And just as quickly 13f90ec828 as he wakes, he 3592c3440d falls back asleep with f728d191bd a soft snore.b6406a5e7750521c

The implication? If I 0b51fa4465 keep my 0e42f78d89 mouth shut, 1b7ac222ca I might 93906eb047 just manage 3c69b283c1 to slip 6ffb478a5f out of 00cf9b9ded here unscathed.72c4cd00de58e03d

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I gingerly lifted his 13dcdc26c8 heavy arm with a 1500724b9f grunt and carefully slid 03a7444025 out of bed. My foot 51697d37c3 was just 710dc224a1 about to ac916bf896 touch the fa8c9e55d8 floor when 92df281bf8 an arm a92bc2d57d coiled around f32ecbc421 my waist 0aab12d11e and dragged 461b372861 me back. His chest cd739f86be pressed against 499a52a68b my back 293113f262 radiates warmth, e4722a40f8 and despair c049728ac5 filled me 529f0efd48 as his ea1c6b897d groggy voice d9bd1b84d1 mumbled into 37360c483c the back 0a3f4dcd58 of my 27c0161d84 head.e4d66375fbc8ce33

“Mmm… where 9b1791e943 are you d3f5c19795 going?”ea48c649858e1ffa

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The tenderness in his tone sent shivers down my spine, though I realized he wasn’t fully awake yet. At least things haven’t completely spiraled into chaos… not yet. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and crafted my plan to make him fall back into sleeping soundly.333d5577e5df2def

“Uh… To 4cf0f95658 the bathroom.” 9402a9bc37bcad5a

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I replied, feigning composure. The weight of 76abe0a5fd his arm slackened 2b810de988 immediately. I instinctively patted his 4f44e7e7fc forehead and cheek, like 8a8ebb6e16 I used to.3ed9155d102b06e9

“Go back to 249550474b sleep.”9ba258eac8aa89d7

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For about five fe86599b9d more hours, please.d1f3b1ff40af69ca

“Okay…”acbe72af8071c199

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His facial dffca9e71c muscles relaxed, 94e0acb6d1 and his bc7cd7606c breathing grew 131a839ab1 steady once 7b5036d3d4 more. Only then did I 1edc514c54 let out the breath 9ab8f0f42e I’d been holding.ebf80b7e7d8e6bc1

The next step was dbb0422a71 finding clothes. The ones cd7bc97583 I’d worn 21b47330f3 were nowhere c116ef8885 to be 8532a42156 found. Probably sent for cleaning 33bace6f95 by Yi-tae. Wandering around d9d77986bf naked felt a04b583e5e like an a73b3eb56c affront to e70dbe5d75 my dignity, c151b1ffc1 so I 006b360272 grabbed a f9c1135a66 robe and a8b67ffc12 slipped it c66d942111 on.a7570a8c7719b0e1

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With a hint of 3ea7b28850 hope, I headed to d1c3127f5a the dressing room. Was there 0bb7fb9bd8 any chance c1815ff1ee my old fa435e9b44 clothes were f2e5685e3c still here? The visible 176d20a3d0 shelves and 95d656fdcb hangers were c0a453e56c filled with 6cbaa3b8bf Yi-tae’s belongings 9ba59a3768 from accessories, 66afdbce1b suits, and b10cb1bb3f the works.80c46538f1ee42c9

Standing in 74b4865fd4 front of 9024abc173 the wardrobe 597a8ad31f I used 2db411a245 to frequent, b3ff0f5c34 I felt 03613159e6 inexplicably tense. A strange sensation cac16c30ab clung to my a1b3008677 skin as I 304d38ebeb forced myself to 06485b2a20 open the door.602b67936fd86ad1

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“Ha…”8baa73d9a9366ce9

My belongings from c39d2965f5 three years ago ab97aa1155 were neatly arranged 63344952b0 and untouched, as a69a4d710b if they had 24df953f01 been waiting for 7be52f2571 me. Sure, I’d seen 6e8a0a1bc1 my old mug ae2777bb7e and assumed it abb29381ac was just a e67b258480 practical item Yi-tae 730ac41274 had taken a 7b4b2efe35 liking to during 25baa561ab our relationship. But this? This was something else 8853f1798f entirely.4194afe24db3e25a

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For someone as b45ad3bdef tidy as Yi-tae, fb7ed3e964 there had to 1ba480629d be a reason. He wouldn’t just 70a9e25ee6 leave someone else’s 6d0a0c136f clothes in his 943e3cd48c wardrobe without a 68578eb67e purpose.3a68cc2125d69d10

Even more suspicious, the 47151789b7 clothes smelled freshly laundered aa38b7b0d9 and were completely dust-free, e9e22f7563 as if they had 96963c54c5 been cared for regularly.cd3ce726e0e6530a

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Standing before this preserved 2eadd4a44f remnant of myself, I adcd870c00 felt a tightness in 082fdad17f my chest. My hands fab3f39a47 hesitated to 1d8cbac1c3 reach out. The sight 1c17c1c5a1 of my ff3b641db8 belongings unsettled 176f0cf222 me in 8f3e04c4c7 ways I a26c973de8 couldn’t fully 584602d957 articulate. Instead, I absentmindedly fiddled 1fec329756 with the cuffs of fbd93fbfcd the robe, trying to af6ececac6 shake off the inexplicable ef7a6841c1 unease.a4e340693bc9cd88

 08e7ff6fa96595d0

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***

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My thumb 8916843d36 hovered over 70abf1e32d the phone d399e0c5f3 screen, twitching 293642814f slightly. The confusion in my afa72e8f54 mind was visible through dcec5b0219 the hesitation in my 33e75b41e4 fingertips.b63bd00dc2182af2

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 6671b7af2292bf1f

[010-90xx-xxxx. 26 missed calls.]

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The owner 16ab6e73f6 of the 81cbe666db unsaved number 467a386731 was, of 77bec4b027 course, none 26ec5669c2 other than 959ccbb532 Kwon Yi-tae. It wasn’t just the 79337576c7 calls—he had sent an bd86bec4ae absurd number of text 6ec4927418 messages as well.9bfdd6e709100c19

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[Am I some rent boy you picked to satisfy your whims? How could you disappear without so much as a goodbye?]

[Let’s meet today. I have something to talk about. I’ll pick you up after my schedule ends.]

[Say something. At least answer my calls.]

[Was it bad for you last night? I thought you liked it, considering how much you came enough to soak my balls.]

 [Oh… so you’re done with me now that you’ve gotten off? I’m just a disposable toilet for Yoo Eunha now, huh?]

 [Why are you avoiding me?]

 [You do realize we’re meeting tomorrow, right? Is this how you want to play it?]

 e987683ad6c52dc0

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With messages like this, aafd8723fd there was no way 8ef2d2cfd4 I’d willingly respond. As if my already e0ce7da25f unsettled heart wasn’t in 9279def116 enough turmoil.8ac091988aae6e22

There were be9fbcbfa6 two reasons c200474789 I hesitated 5beeab99c4 to reply. First was my a4007d4460 own disgust with f1aa4473b1 myself. Asking him to 870b79ddb9 stop the fantasies b97b964fe0 had been a e931f9a643 pretense. My real intention had e1a6513427 been to vent my a52777ab52 pent-up sexual frustration.2540cc9e32476cce

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Though I’d refused 72a81d93a6 to acknowledge it 50b6d556a4 while sober, alcohol 9f6fc26eff had stripped away 0c85263bf4 all my pretenses, 7e1b1eb3d7 exposing my base, 5404af7add vulgar desires. Worse, I’d tried 4345803f83 to shift all d65a372b4b the responsibility onto 27a35b98cd Yi-tae, as though 5bd4f241de it were entirely 2059a3b323 his fault.6eaa74587f5121b1

The second reason… Well, this one was even harder to admit.c2624cb8cc445a62

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If we were being 286cf97703 honest, there should be b1db41ea20 no issue with last 89a64421b2 night. We’d had sex 11c6988e33 without any emotional 59910e7a31 strings, mutually satisfied faba1414e8 ourselves, and that b84a9ef76e should have been 4f0b3794e5 the end of ce74dcd615 it. A casual “see you 689189d97a never” and done.de285d93d997afc2

Had I 5f8b5d74f9 properly said 48e48d6b21 goodbye instead 744d414204 of sneaking 524e20db71 out while a90200bf42 he slept, 9be2c941df maybe Yi-tae 17b7b962ee wouldn’t be f0b34d5677 obsessively texting ed44f0ed90 about how 746db160d5 he felt 911a0a7556 like a ce5e9d0fcf toilet.ec5b3f39732fe7d7

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But the truth cc34122ff8 was, something about 4334ebc250 it all felt… 127fa73955 off.7b19b014244a34e8

Three years 59842a1dc7 ago, I da4b30ad10 had erased e5099011aa every trace ed659d3c8d of him 58957412b1 from my d13a6c7bc4 life. I sold all f51207b341 the things he 14b7f5f118 had given me 39e5954d4f for a pittance e3d7cf913b (even if the 5b673cd82c buyer turned out d0aca2bc4d to be Yi-tae e004633f9a himself), changed my 621096520d phone number, and 2b98aa6336 moved out of 484e66dd1e my studio before 2dbc883590 the lease was b726bd335f up. Yet at Yi-tae’s home, eb7c13b87d everything remained exactly as c32e7eba2d it had been.a20a5360e9a38cd0

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The crude cup 2ffe9061bd I had made, 2e7a5efce0 the placement of 6cc94d9bc5 items I had ae314de99a organized, even my afadbae872 old clothes. They were all still a99a046d55 there. It was as if 51c5869255 everything had been left 86296467a3 untouched, waiting for me 8f75f7e0b1 to return at any 47952a3327 moment.88838c8b080b7ab0

A quiet ripple disturbed 158b89cc21 the stillness of my 317f620dd7 heart. Nostalgia clung 06ef09190e to every 82f3181aea corner of 147898e26f his home, 66f4784c59 drawing my c570a7989e eyes to 0d8f2f1cd0 things I 4eb2c1b83d couldn’t tear e33e0bcc1e myself away 1f7736b2a9 from.7dd46b7bc9753f6d

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It felt 507d52ed4b like stepping 06fb77bf07 back in cb1124942f time, reliving a21ee91461 the moments ee5c9b5f5e we had 0e2eafbc6c shared. I lingered far 43910c0550 too long in eb1b865315 his house, unable 84409a75d3 to break away fd7bece70a from the feeling.808bd405f3a69ea3

The realization gnawed 61bfb26400 at me: if d34f79fc2d just seeing remnants b27b8bd8d1 of the past 7ade4f5fbe could leave me 6eb0dbab42 this shaken, what 118ac973fc had been going 0e1c27cb52 through Yi-tae’s mind d26d4813a1 as he held cb36de296f onto my things d0682ca813 for three years?3322291218164dff

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It made him bbb0dcc61c seem as if 266b247a05 he still… had 095c1a66de feelings for me.f217f26c3e465aa5

I had assumed his f4eac0b405 reappearance was purely out de5c247010 of spite, a way 5b72d175b3 to settle old scores. But now, 39baacd987 it felt ae9b429d02 as though f907afb24f he had 7dfa0aecee been waiting 80d9fbd3d1 for me c5fd7092cf all this 23a1023f87 time, despite 1725bbbc60 the immense 4ac6c002be pride of 428327e19a the Kwon b1160f617e Yi-tae I 70ab831800 thought I c6462f23a9 knew.d0e3fc0ed5886eef

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I didn’t 4c69e4b570 know how 1a6bfb3747 to deal cfd8d9678c with him. I couldn’t c98c74a62a even define 69a188c21b what Yi-tae 2e603835ff was to ae3c71b2b7 me anymore. Part of me wanted 1d374cb143 to sever all ties 2a425db29e and leave the past f75e63be2a behind, while another part 7cedcc55bc found his messages sitting 8097d11839 in my inbox not 679eee3bf6 entirely unwelcome.77ea80e4c29dd8ad

Had I truly let c4e43a77de go of everything related 584fd2c0a4 to him? Or was 3285aadbd9 there one 75e5c32eb1 tiny piece 07455747d0 of me 252638509f that still c92c8f13f9 held on?883c0de1cc57a009

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I placed my hands 0052d9ea52 on the keypad, ready e97d95c860 to type a reply, 962e5bba7f but nothing came to 076ba83625 mind. After a moment’s 39066ada54 hesitation, I locked c64caafbb7 the screen and 87d0ecb4f2 tossed my phone 20555c2984 aside.91d813588a16a9f1

 f436d5b2c13619ed

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***

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In the end, 7ee1817b50 the phone lay 84481d4155 abandoned in the db05f0eda7 corner of the 60ffcc6844 bed until the ebc7a65cb2 alarm blared the a7d1c57fbf next morning.da385fe6dbff9bba

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Flashes of light cadcbe0230 exploded intermittently, bright bdb6e7ede4 enough to hurt 343d2cadd4 the eyes. The incessant sound 77c072647c of the camera 3f10c2f0cf shutter filled the e8df5b6ac6 room, accompanied by 9c874bc68c a mix of c280d6fb3c directives and compliments 1ef844461b from the photographer.29850155bb17f936

Kwon Yi-tae stood in aba6c177e5 front of a black-draped 7b6973ed34 backdrop, dressed in a a8ebfc349f striking red suit for 51cff49221 the photoshoot. The black turtleneck beneath 716c082afb his jacket subtly outlined 550fcb9384 his chest muscles, while 5d7cc82de9 the tailored suit accentuated 270be8f22f his broad shoulders and 6cca997609 long limbs.d6aab8a3fedf8c7e

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He wasn’t doing 90ebdc1064 anything extravagant and 00862293c0 yet every shot 13a4b95b33 exuded an alluring 408c40dece energy. Watching him easily embody 4cc109fd6e the director’s vision without d823f4dac2 fumbling was fascinating.e3c7814952db773a

He was d5e834a76d a natural, 32a415a34b no doubt bdaf036584 about it. Of all the 662c48ba95 actors I’d admired ea78081494 over the years, eb9c07bbdb none matched Kwon 2cf449c22f Yi-tae’s external perfection. I stared, entranced, 737a933ca2 until those jet-black 1af5f010c2 eyes unexpectedly turned 962f8faff4 to meet mine.7c6d1003a79d1fd7

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Our gazes locked. Startled, I flinched. Yi-tae’s eyes narrowed 35c8faa010 in response, but 2233626040 the photographer interpreted da9c4f9ba8 the expression as b2fcd98f7b perfect emotional depth, 7876da28e4 firing off a 4a6657c3ae barrage of shutter 112da80df7 clicks.b85f83995a6fc126

“Writer Yoo, what’s 731c222e1e with your face?”b021ad56bbd81345

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A light tap on 66cee2b04d my shoulder startled me. Go Hyeong-woo, 62dc17ddae who had 829a79963c been pulling bf09486583 out his 905bdc337f camera, looked 1566cdbbb7 at me a7ec7b9310 with a cd2e82ade9 puzzled expression.06c3b67f530fac07

Embarrassed, I brushed my 003da79117 cheek lightly. My fingers d4abfd2518 caught on 69e397f3c7 the edge 57e668e9a6 of the 11ddd63f1c oversized bandage b71369c076 I’d hastily 25bcb13f6a stuck on.85407189d9c5d312

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Last night, amidst the b4e8f3e52b turmoil in my head, 905bfd94d9 I hadn’t paid much 47728f0ec1 attention to my body. Only during a 1dac4e1cb0 late-night shower had 42bfa931b7 I noticed the 4ab318438a aftermath. My skin bore f22985b001 the unmistakable marks 862ee2a555 of Yi-tae.437169a5bb21a8a4

My entire body eb9fd6dc89 looked as if 464860f461 it had been 6ce09dc878 devoured. Hickeys and bruises 56ff33d2dd painted my skin 719bf72fd7 in shades of a95e4b9d59 red and purple. Even my left cheek c31fb4168b was marred by a 43381d98bc glaring bruise, the kind c0c82f06ed that could prompt strangers 8c5191071c to ask if I’d 75304fdc59 been in a fight.32c30d732754c828

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In frustration, I’d 833b7ede5f donned a rarely-worn f9cb95a340 black turtleneck to 5bc27aff9b cover my neck 43053c2f3f and slapped on 7841015e6b the bandage to 58c7096dcc mask the most 62ec8e4933 prominent bruise.c46e6270a1cdd77c

“I drank 3f0d3154fc too much 9dfd860af7 and took d118cc97ca a spill.”.93c935ed938fe262

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“How much did 15ea872cc5 you even drink? Did you go ab1a800a81 to the hospital?”6c21d0c0d8f3fd3e

“It’s not 6095f71600 that bad. It’ll fade in a d637080f21 few days. Doesn’t hurt either.”edd27d0e02b9b183

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I waved 0cea3f10ec off Hyeong-woo’s ee8a76555d concern, signaling 2aa37f18e0 him to bdb73214c4 drop the b1cddbb28f subject. Any prolonged e4cdc986f9 conversation would 3866557532 only lead 83e539408f to more 9b37ba39b8 lies, and 3ce7372b33 I wasn’t 0958a28b6e particularly good 47addaf51e at lying.45263f55b380466a

Meanwhile, our fc216e510d team quietly c348177f09 resumed filming. Hyeong-woo, now 591de04ca8 holding his 762673a9eb camera, mumbled d92b6a2e77 to himself, 0183b79251 “Man, he’s b1faefe32c good-looking.”6c29d66e564cf0e1

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It was likely 662cfa6d92 a genuine expression 2afa82d10b of admiration for e10bc9a40f Yi-tae. Kim PD playfully tapped fa66c148da Hyeong-woo’s shin, reminding him 97c791adc9 to keep his voice 398c8c8fb3 low so it wouldn’t 9a6fc55d78 be picked up on 70bfaec772 the mic.ba828109761786dd

I spent 1f4bea34e5 the time d8d7488917 interviewing Yi-tae’s 2e5ed2bc13 hair, makeup, 2689b09814 and wardrobe 552f53ad51 stylists, hoping 7851307ba3 to glean d5a00596ab something usable e1f373e36d for the e18bf94d9c broadcast. Unsurprisingly, their ac26376560 answers were 6612666bb4 all variations 50e020a8cf of the c126f6d371 same theme; 9bdf9cecba praising Yi-tae.c88cf8776ad15227

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 e79908d1ee168516

“Kwon Yi-tae’s lips are f7471c3b5f naturally pigmented, so he d81df8012d only needs light lip a07263947d balm. His eyebrows d99a9bcd96 already look ea920eba2c perfectly drawn 6a259d1854 and suit b7a11178df his features, acf1ca069e so we d1c6eda721 just brush 53cbe3882c them lightly. His skin tone 4777336317 is bright, so ead6ca908f we toned it 8c0a06e9db down for today’s f304a7eee7 shoot, but his 64eb967717 skin is so 55580e90c0 flawless that even 55d66a2292 meticulous touch-ups aren’t 4fa15849dd necessary. Honestly, I feel 49d12b9bf2 like I finish 7c3f82883e too early—it’s almost 25d514c25e disappointing!”4466d8c70d607386

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“Oh, and his ce02750c35 hair—he has so e14a28a043 much of it! His scalp is so 80e0896284 healthy he could bleach 10261d188b it ten times over, 46d5ea03ae and it’d still be 12dce8aea0 fine. Idols bleach 187a17aae8 their hair 97b4085c0f a lot cb658b52cd during comebacks, 65cbfb9845 right? Everyone would probably envy d9dcfc08b4 his hair.Hohoho!It’s so 98dab2d875 perfect that 8acf692963 sometimes I d8aaf5eba5 think,‘Wow, even his 7126ab7c94 skull is flawless!’Can I talk more 9623534679 about him?”4d8428fda78212df

 7295e5bd1a9d85d3

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“Tailoring is a must a1b95763d1 for Kwon Yi-tae. His long 4cb59c6909 legs make 030b9db85b it hard 83bd2190c8 to find 0c7517f613 off-the-rack sizes 4fd55aa369 that fit 7398590be0 well. For suits, we c2cadf9789 usually match the 90e77554ad shoulders and chest, ffc5f8416e but then the 78d781f0a4 waist needs adjustments. Also, his a1a30fba87 right pant 7b054ff5a8 leg has d7679c6099 to be 06163e017f slightly larger—it’s 105ef28266 tricky with 15a0d6d235 standard sizes, 01d08e05e5 so alterations d3d65a6c06 are unavoidable.”0dcb2f9d2e12f96f

Without even asking, they showered Yi-tae with flattering anecdotes. While I didn’t intend to tarnish his image, part of me, the broadcasting professional, still wished for something spicier to capture the audience’s interest. Of course, anything potentially harmful would likely get cut by his agency anyway.2a9fef047aadcb36

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I tried a different e0753009cc angle. fe15ca7f95e3872f

“From a personal 54374fa668 perspective, not a 62d08c2002 stylist’s, what’s Kwon f3fe370be8 Yi-tae like as 242bcf9f25 a person?”b91f24736c52f4b2

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Their unanimous answer?173ec44a3b7d0565

“He doesn’t talk much.”f491b6dbae082fe5

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Apparently, Yi-tae rarely 142369181b spoke. He was 4e6e6f4829 usually glued 5b67ec15f5 to his ecae2afc14 tablet, either b02f561a85 reading scripts 099cc279ec or perusing 7e8783297e texts entirely 0e589d302c in English. His aura e69e87e4c9 was so e5953181b7 unapproachable that 93941a46cb no one afd0a854d2 dared to 71d9e0374a discuss anything eee47c7ad4 unrelated to d7286e1388 work with 792286c5f1 him.efe272686e57d0c2

“Couldn’t he 90a1066e06 act a 1e3c253155 little kinder?” f71b26f738ba665c

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I muttered, heading back bf970b9083 to the studio where 11244c88af the photoshoot was ongoing. The set had changed f482ddd19b in the meantime. The backdrop 6a7daf8ec1 now featured 5ae8a3f57d a rough, 842ed7c089 industrial look 06bd41f465 with concrete e7090100d4 walls and fbd2ef8588 creatively arranged b233d9e12c steel pipes. Yi-tae, now in streetwear, 7cd6906296 reviewed the monitor with d3912ad3e3 the staff. Nodding at the director’s 04642c7364 guidance, he resumed shooting.3e3f4016b208f721

“Ah—ahhh! Watch out!”84a4a7f9c799dfe7

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A dullthudrang out, b323d2ae4d followed by 8bf7a5e53e the sound be49ff3f35 of metal fdd78619e0 crashing down. The steel 7775e5e188 pipes behind 586933a6b9 them began 33b14e42ea to topple 86cad9d0d7 in a fe96e85000 chaotic cascade 086f7af643 toward Kwon 7711367e35 Yi-tae. Someone shrieked, their voice 4f52d98a66 sharp with panic, and a5e971d617 I scrambled up from 0b939e889c my crouched position.be15f5f1416abe75

In the 6a5d98f65c split second b00bc30a6c before disaster f3cd797d27 struck, Kwon 40c7767c16 Yi-tae moved, 25814941a6 quick, and 43b5945f71 decisive. He twisted his body, 394aa5565e narrowly dodging the brunt 647b6fcfbc of the impact. One of ce06e15ef3 the pipes 2a4f67f06c skimmed his f7ec291cd2 shoulder before daed2cd87e crashing to de0f4b6bd1 the ground.6d3262665cb64c06

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Thud. Thud. Clang..6fe016fcbac98465

A moment of silence, 576e268f71 then the director abandoned c4e90f25f2 the camera and ran 2d110fb923 toward him. That was cbc7f5021a all it d0cddabe47 took for 23bce8890d the entire 128ad055bb studio to 41bcdf3add descend into d6fb8377a3 uproar. Fortunately, despite a9c5aa26f8 the cacophony 780a75a293 of crashing ae73544388 pipes, Yi-tae f4efd91a7f emerged unscathed, caee21d7fe save for f0b1891465 a slight 20d58a8a54 scratch on 05d31cf1f9 his outfit. 47a30802b9029ab7

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Only after confirming his 961eb2e165 safety did I release 639f5b129c the breath I hadn’t 80eae73e3b realized I was holding.3082d387aa20a219

“Who the 18540a219d hell cut 7c7380ec4d the cable 3ac21b9f7f ties?!”6cde9b42c8fee15f

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The accident clearly was 114351b4dc clearly intentional. But with 0bf4db8d20 so many 455131135a people bustling d42504764c around the 6fb98a2687 set, finding d359629884 the culprit d44307ca46 seemed impossible.97dc8849dd48444a

The shoot was postponed 1ca7e7531e to inspect the set b2b44e5996 and ensure Kwon Yi-tae 7257b261d5 was okay. a90d495029fc85f8

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Meanwhile, our team’s camera 19a11325bd followed closely behind him.5c3b38a53bfdba23

“Where’s Writer Yoo?”3185f04502d9c206

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Amid the 923398ce9e chaos, this 2b9b68578a lunatic had daf583c26b the audacity 7bde4a7b1e to start 961963bc58 calling for 1d240ec651 me in 639e676fc5 front of 95beb117df the cameras. It was only c1277c4433 a few minutes c0b9d7eb0c ago that he’d 85ef959cdb nearly gotten his 2f58a85671 skull cracked open, 4cf1456713 and yet there 9839a5b21d he was, unfazed, 1a6a872c50 not a single 7d3b511ff0 change in expression. Shouldn’t he be looking 239cd2c0d0 for a doctor instead 257a576fc7 of me? A bewildered camera 315e8d58ec operator responded, “Excuse 71561275e2 me?” 4ee3e65ffd28ac16

“Writer Yoo!” 8a5391031772c61d

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At that time, Kwon 724b82b1fe Yi-tae called again, spotting 87a5183f15 me. He turned in 1cc9284a83 my direction, his 9a8643679e voice louder and ec2a3ead1a clearer this time. Afraid of a30034bc1e what nonsense 8096428d73 might spill 4729f8138f from his 7383569e06 mouth, I 800b845921 quickly raised 2b6ee04ee7 my hand 0a5d27f590 and rushed 7f61d0e266 over.52f79082d3107017

“Here! I’m right here! If this 8d194864bf is about 122950ea99 the script, 18f41b2488 we can 19db67653a definitely find b25a49690b a narrator 17df889d48 to make 49d51c4a4e it more e7af483347 immersive, and 98a3db330b we already 089fa99d17 have an 1ded3e7c42 announcer who 66d2cbbae3 works with 5f3bfe3b62 us regularly.”9a9d626fa80c4e8e

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Words tumbled out that Kwon Yi-tae hadn’t asked for. And there was only silence that followed. His eyes were unusually cold and stinging as they met mine. I should have replied yesterday.66fdc7124fb7ce81

If I’d just caeb6eaf5e handled this sooner, 610eb88933 we wouldn’t be a266df4443 standing here, on 26876982ea set, with a 7c69dd680e camera rolling, locked 9948b80467 in a standoff 1a25d11ee4 for everyone to 7a08dfe114 see. Sensing drama, the camera 48cbe40ef6 operator zeroed in on a7b2a1e912 hiim, capturing his face 0065a36ed2 more passionately.2b7c1f20914d69cb

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He hooked his fingers 4f0c537671 under the collar of 0fdaa1f544 his turtleneck as he cea4a5fb3a pulled at the fabric 6c6dd895fc in irritation.8dadbb428a6b014b

“Explain yourself.”3ad1932d0e855ec9

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His voice was 8532ee7007 clipped, impatient.f077b5a8a76620fb

“…I just meant, 367c1598e4 for your scenes, 4aabfd2766 maybe another narrator 19e56c8579 would be—”95f6915a1c4feb11

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“Eunha, stop beating 7e5dad9918 around the bush.”4c242160d20919a8

“Ah….”136dc46b5009d1dd

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“Tell me a082a6ba03 what I a2d28f867f need to 893bc534ac hear.”10945c85470770d6

His use of my d51ed4239a name, stripped of any 39ddc8bdd3 formality, made my heart 8b90f1dbb9 sink. Kwon Yi-tae wasn’t b19150f344 eventhinkingabout the cameras. I knew b2e3241153 I had d470da3b85 to saysomething, but my lips c4bbaf2fcd refused to part. If I bd563654e5 tried to 5f375bb183 bullshit my 23b794c8d7 way out 7f3dd201bf of this, 909469e55c he wouldn’t 1ee25b22af play along. If I 97a16c8b62 told the 8f66a2741f truth, that 9421e7a937 glaring red 92523b21af light on 68a1ba1ecf the camera 73f96ce8a3 would captureeverything.9ae67bed55acde36

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He raked a fed9eb7ac7 hand through his f549e5b704 styled hair. His eyes, sharp and 3f0d0db8ba smoldering, all but screamed dfad00bbb7 that his patience was f9ce136f37 wearing thin.a926a017822d37be

I had to do 01bf8f767b something, whether shoving my 20f3ca84d4 shoe down his throat 5ac012a51f or sticking my fist 2d18601ec7 in his mouth, before 2a7622fe46 more words spilled out 06099ddec9 of his mouth. I opened my mouth, 0b0f1cc30f barely able to compose 37519bfb94 my mind which was 4ff2cf0711 a jumble of panic 0569b5fbf6 and confusion.a0b1e62c31663e53

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“I-I’ll explain everything. But first…”1035e3dae20a52e2

I gestured desperately at 0c3ca7b305 the camera crew. The moment I c588ade60a furrowed my brows fa03b7d172 in silent pleading, 87c944b529 Kwon Yi-tae let e019b1fcc9 out a sigh 57b60ebab6 and reluctantly waved 940a6d80c6 them off as a038dcc30e if he had edab736186 no choice.db397c58cc28fd56

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…In all honesty, I 9429f00fc5 was a little surprised. The Kwon Yi-taeIknew would’ve turned straight f354986eda to the camera and 98ead35aa8 said,“Go ahead. Explain why you 2df137a41c fucked me and 275bbca322 ran.”fc3723bc9521e344

“I did dff28493fa what you c8b4d9e253 wanted, so 8fdcdb045c start talking.”fcc4764638551cd8

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“…Talk about what?”02b3601b30522ede

“You ran dd6f646fc6 off without 4158e843f3 saying a f8da942657 word.”d1f40304985a1330

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“That’s….”80106df4ae83c1cd

“You ignored 8d6e2512ae my calls 742ffd5326 and texts. Every time we made 1b8967553d eye contact this morning, 731c1049ca you acted like I 6027d5ed64 didn’t exist in case 3e2d86e072 I would say something.”0afad63f161f67d8

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“….”34b617c0fd0f6ad6

“Is it fun, 1819385233 making me look 1d2aec58ce like a fool?”1fd4aa7e65e11df8

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There was nothing I b1c26e511a could say except that 88d84b5fd4 I was sorry. Pressed down by his 42009e7159 fierce energy, I kept 3c09040b84 my mouth shut and 6829af5475 watched him. Kwon Yi-tae let d52ffb2888 out a short, eae5ef20fa frustrated breath.c686c67da10db182

His firm gaze, 2467347ccc sharp and unyielding bf804610d7 at first, began 315349a982 to waver the d06915aa4b longer he looked 909cad197b at me. Even without a single da71207774 word, just standing there, 78fa9afa08 I could feel the 93371cd7ff icy tension in him 7e82c8105f begin to shift.b607d186c37b082d

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I didn’t let 240218ec73 the opportunity slip. Reaching out, 680cde86d8 I lightly fad0b4bceb traced a a9f5352b05 fingertip over 8e69d03649 the back fd9862f0c1 of his e066150bd2 hand. His eyelids 7c7494a364 twitched slightly 3e40ec7afa at the 943cd74111 unexpected touch.309e312140994b93

“I was just e2a99e97cc overwhelmed.”662c0086e597ddcc

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“…….”3a8557f07d7a7f5d

“You, of all people, 1cb131be12 should understand my position.”f7d75360bd272120

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I had only one afe3b2944e option, to soothe him.Anyone else might a214a96f5b not get it, b402abaff4 but you should. No matter how angry 5ba2ee77eb you are at me, a16431c430 you can’t just throw 116f64530c me under the bus.It was a 648c8dbda9 tactic I’d used db867d4045 plenty of times 9e249d7b2b back when we 71d700a4c8 were dating.db306fd6a36d47d1

It didn’t 4f792198ce always work, ab7cdab2b9 but if 4519438ffa the fight 49d05c1ad8 was aboutus—if it was 86ea94abb8 personal—it never failed. Even our e84586e87f classmates used 07586156b8 to joke, 0dd68636e7 calling me 882e65e5f1 “Kwon Yi-tae’s 0af5dec65a handler.” And 84e1135e35 just like a0e73b73af that, as 52183e365c if on 8a965d3acc cue, the 21ece1712f sharp edge 51b92083df in his b48f0d93b3 demeanor started d78adbc83c to dull.0a23a4da0f7e1313

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“Stay where I 16b8cd3252 can see you.” 4543b1e5e8b6ed53

He said curtly ff2e62444b before turning away.d9ec33f0b075625c

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The camera 9581e61f45 director, who 022f1d6494 had been c0e6d999b6 watching from 23e4a73d2a a distance, ed910b2a46 approached as 9006347975 if he’d 9bc1b4b46f been waiting 1e3e3184aa for the 1d0b05198c right moment.5fa9c76f33513d90

“What did Kwon Yi-tae 480d4572b8 say?”65640bcaa0e72536

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“Please cut 7320221261 out the 11fbbbc862 part where d910a2f26c I talk a9ee5500e1 to him.”36a991c2bc7a108f

“…Did something happen 25e0106587 between you two?”114997acb8eaf4cc

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“I borrowed money from 5333f40467 him. If Kim d0b4e6c9bf PD finds d128529ee7 out, I’m 62aed71bc6 done for. Please, I’m begging you.”c64060bf68ec1937

“You borrowed money? What kind of situation is this…?”67b1c8ddb2e21096

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The camera director repeated the question, as if doubting his ears. Honestly, I couldn’t even believe what I had just said. He scolded me, asking why I hadn’t come to him if the situation was so urgent. Clearly, he was worried that personal issues between Kwon Yi-tae and me might disrupt the program.191fa53dc6fedca8

“The amount was pretty ef8becdd6e large… I’m not sure 267e65e19b if you heard, but 0104dc09b5 Kwon Yi-tae and I 4db4dd1198 went to the same d7858c58bb college, so he helped a0dfaf29d9 me out a bit.”8473804b43e66344

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The camera 2abfc0cf5f director gave eab7dca7d6 me a 4070ef921c side-eye and 45d28b05e7 shook his 2ccd1be177 head. His expression said 2e0701cef7 it all: in 611a8a7210 his career, he 9cfa2e1486 had never encountered c328762dc0 a writer quite d5fcfaece0 like me. That look stung, 0ed0e630f5 filling me with f8545422f5 an inexplicable sense f919f7cd89 of injustice.1449a3eef33f91e8