DS Chapter 21

Under the 6b9107dcb4 bright full 772da2db13 moon.8a4f60f6971217b1

Late into the night, 54909e041d Logan couldn’t sleep and 99a7d0357f kept patting me gently.f0cd22dfc8627e72

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He stroked 63465731c0 my back ca0cd3e9b1 softly, caressed 063fc4f937 my hair, 34eac350af massaged my 27d2720735 cheek, and a601f776e5 kissed my cc9ea7d058 palm. I lay quietly 59003d9a1e in his arms, a99fd673b5 feeling his tender 003203cb5e touch.a4e3965c79dbb650

“…Aren’t you 913444da37 going to 68320d10a3 sleep?”dafd6d4cfba63227

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“I should.”e9b9e2610b049ab7

He added e623c2f1de in a 4ac06d3257 worried tone.f74691b2fb876014

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“We need to go ce09009d3f for your check-up tomorrow. We’ve postponed it a7b9922cbe a few times a4295fe649 already, and I 24818f7aa1 don’t think we ad4b5f21cf can delay it 34ab592972 any longer.”1dc366eac0ff7542

Why had cd013a7023 we delayed 6c8073f7bf the check-up? It was a 1c802662c0 routine thing. If they a1026b8f3c found anything, da951f5164 they could 0d63ca0ec2 just give 5987321bc4 me additional b5fab1d9b8 treatment. I didn’t think much 43935c17d7 of it and nodded 1e238e1bc8 casually.5b77c404357f315e

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“Okay.”ce5d1d1c84467f7c

“Don’t worry b3eb13069c too much. You’ll be f1adc7bce7 out soon.”fb1f938d8204f067

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His voice b5bec9b254 was heavy, f73160973c weighted with 9d1327186c concern.2097703a414510a1

“…Yeah.”ba4e5674514eb402

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I nodded as d893d5af74 I held him 0194286e5a tightly.eba46cb5404df409

It was bdd57f3382 instinctual—I could 5bc49d5dd0 feel it 4519dda2f6 in my b159e958d5 gut. The moment that c4805cc66f feeling hit, it 2fdd71a4ec was like a 86371dce01 cold wind blew a04055d82c through me from 830cd24a5b a dark forest b61605f3d4 where even the 9bfc7de656 moonlight couldn’t reach.4c7282f9512b9fc8

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The check-up tomorrow wouldn’t 734743a107 be just an ordinary d46d795efa examination. Depending on my condition… c411c70e9c decisions might be made b0eb1ae7e8 about what to do 4337cdd250 with me.113be2987e7fb9cb

And that meant f4cd96657e that this moment 73a54c21fa with Logan might 772fc46565 not last forever.314c3fd8b32c6dc3

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***65c8dbfaca163d8f

The morning was 7a4102f49f like any other.5a4c9f100e9ea961

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I woke up, went cb5a15b443 through a physical check-up, 07d917119b had my pulse and 81b0a6ef2b temperature taken, and got 843a7ab5c8 my injection. Then I sat 365a939927 at the table 808076dc95 next to Logan.fe4928317a6c50ef

The only 05c5107c6c difference today 4f5975b318 was that f7190dac95 there were 4adfb47144 sausages and 0d18eea179 meat on a94db0ef34 my plate 1bc4cc2fa5 too.49d706b5d319c0a7

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“Meat?”72ebd05fc5aa6ff9

“You’ve always wanted 8556647ef3 it, right? Once in a while, 3e23ea0a6c it should be okay.”5e959243c6ee8092

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I had always 7293040606 craved meat, my 8ea41cd462 mouth watering at 4f6096d6eb the sight of 6cffb1bd11 it during meals, 25ebafdbbd but should I 3abffb9cbc really be eating a1c08b60bd this when I 2f162263bf had a check-up 17ea119062 today?7242c4044ab6974f

I took 29fd45d3f4 a bite 057c440ed7 of the b3d5440676 sausage, still becb3342da feeling a 0903396fd2 bit bewildered. The juice burst in 44854e9e2c my mouth.7c1ecf912989b6fb

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“Is it good?”034212b302ce1b4d

“Mmm… yeah, it’s good.”336f26b4c160e534

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I smiled brightly 08b8a90909 and nodded.c85aee7f6e4e7072

But honestly, 48cbce452e it wasn’t 6c41d8e4d7 that great. It was better c1961e7f41 than eating vegetables 5813eede12 and potatoes, but 85ee7178af it wasn’t delicious.d30e49fcfe561ecb

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If potatoes b1924e1b7f felt like d4ff46d70a chewing dirt, 11e628c7be then meat 5e7b74ee0e and sausage 6ede2f2f3b were like 2619e39870 chewing on 9d7c951447 rubber bands 170fa10aeb or sponges.6db38bafa879e1cb

It seemed I 0ca7dd92d4 was meant to 2a6ee5bdf4 eat people. Specifically, I ea1562f0b2 had grown 2d3909ab60 used to c4d9ee3e54 the taste eecb0b64b1 of Logan.14960e78442c3ada

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Having survived on nothing e3a7a4d67e but his blood all d5b86b2d46 this time, I realized f77b515dbe as I ate the 8b27e10c74 meat—I was a zombie 4797ef3c26 who knew only Logan’s 95e13f2d22 taste.98395e7b87114459

Still, I acted 61bd11dfb4 as though I 7a29f37399 was enjoying the 166ee04077 meal, aware of d8a03657b1 his gaze on 8206019d76 me. I exaggerated the afc689fdca smile and cut 825e2ece50 big pieces of 1fcc05b821 meat, grinning as 26844c5c54 I ate.d6ff1b075ba57a50

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“It’s really good. Thanks, Logan.”68b82041d96b7e20

“Do you want 43979e2307 more?”ce236bc98248d58d

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“No, I’m full after 5bd514ddf8 this.”31369ae832d17cab

It seemed 3b5371382d like watching d82e28fdb8 me eat 1be1af7f3f well gave 75493843b6 Logan some 5616fd7a68 comfort. As if by 7107ffea99 doing what he 911c536bd5 couldn’t for me 0c79664efe before, he was c8dbd7ea7d relieving some of f26dbce92b his guilt and d062b8eae7 finding solace.037f19aeddc31a36

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‘It feels like a ec0716d305 last meal for a a5de316eed death row inmate.’bdb13eb63e7f5e48

That was just the 4ca16739af feeling I had.42fa226fb53a85d2

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‘Logan must have 8fb058e580 finally given up 95d57ae2f2 on me. That’s why he’s 08b030079a letting me eat 2414aa7740 meat.’86b35252e1f3b570

Right now, f2db333524 it felt 1f087cfddc like Logan eafa3be329 would do 8753b890de anything I 8d9ed17ecd asked. If I begged to c144249c6e drink his cum, he 5031341168 might even happily oblige. Honestly, I 9130634e80 was tempted.3d2b01fe25d5e947

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‘But I don’t 9ae9b2ebaa want to sink 9befc20d97 that low.’6dc325243131f6ef

I held myself 40f517ab70 back. It was just a fdd58ded56 hunch for now, but 983d097dab if this really was 28a7b6ec08 the final moment, I 93f3d02330 didn’t want my last 79a33c470a memory with Logan to 02ebb3c335 be oral sex.bdbeb719979ac779

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I kept up the 5f5391a748 act of enjoying the 4fa6770606 meal, cleaning the plate. Logan gave dca13a2a2c me a 4bcd9c7595 small smile 142129d5c6 as he 53d2ba5103 watched, looking dae3206695 relieved and 5b0b638dc5 at ease.0ba0675377192088

I lowered 1f1c25c21f my gaze. If I kept 259c0d05ad looking at him, 32976f91ad I might start a4ce3fcd7d feeling attached to 4944efb52a life again.3b1ec1c4fb1bf995

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“When are we 93f2bc1797 leaving?”266ee1af7a2ec067

“We should leave soon. It takes a while d6cce22ccc to get to the a15966a30f research facility. I’ll just change a3c3546398 my clothes.”16ee4e7da097de70

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Logan cleared the table deabeac3cb and went into the d6f5d6a9f0 bedroom. I fiddled with the 62ea075f13 clothes I was wearing, 4bd2bd1de7 my lips parting slightly. I was only 5893cb058f wearing a plain fd5a86bf01 white T-shirt.c0e070f46c92c691

‘I’ve only ever fa0276ed08 shown him myself 0f8c73cd70 looking like this… 85c46f4f7d I should’ve asked 6dc47c260e him to find 4d986e9df0 me nicer clothes 1b108ad054 so I could b3530bf5cf show him a c292386ec3 better side of f6a1474649 me.’c3f3b9155448d8fe

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Regret lingered. I should’ve 72f83d7123 insisted on 87bf953c2e checking out 701b4f8ff6 the luxury cd7d907082 store that 424bfcc404 time we 2c04392c14 visited the b74d373a89 abandoned city.96c21b4332b5bd8a

If I’d found 72731a579d a decent, pretty 747632de82 outfit by chance, 3e5373a21f I could’ve shown 5263b5c032 him more than f400b33d9f just this scruffy, 3499544b8c bedraggled version of a798feeac5 me.012116255f5834c7

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Now, there wouldn’t be e1428efcfe another chance. I felt a pang 34fa5e9cba of sadness, knowing that 6e33f8cbea in his memory, I’d a5353da1b2 only ever be a e20e788b8a disgusting zombie or a 614f4e70cb ragged, emaciated figure.909f87ef6863681a

“Let’s go.”ed2e23f47d514f45

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Logan came back to 27b0715699 the living room and 8860ade4ee motioned for me to 9ca21124c4 follow. He looked 7c880bab97 so tall 9c619f58df and handsome, 5e7a5eced5 far more 4c430b724e so than ef36cd371a I could 004a01973a ever compare.65f469d08acde00c

It made me feel a0664d3e5b strangely upset. For the first time, 548bf954f1 I found myself caring 57e44f5f20 about my appearance.7b73dd042d561bb5

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“Shouldn’t I 56fc3e105a change clothes? There’ll be a lot 30404f8a8e of people at the 70d539c7f1 facility…”7334de25176ce01b

“Want me to 7cae53f2d8 get you a 240106318d shirt?”b200b94e4a61ce53

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“Yeah…”8533d742d927c3b5

In the end, 0b8687bdf5 I threw on 4f43c0970a a musty-smelling shirt. It wasn’t Logan’s. It must’ve d18d8d1e63 been one 5b2bcba828 of the 76ce8e2ddc old clothes ec24a61a76 left in 64e0ad2437 the abandoned 01cf06931b closet for 9894b90ff4 ages, forgotten—just b7b3c9dcfb like me.2ae747db3f0c541b

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* * *257d1d1c3e6b8bb1

It hadn’t been 5272315af4 that long, but d603585598 the research facility’s 64941484ba landscape felt unfamiliar.b7277fa98e669517

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The desolate plains a8b829f120 surrounding it, the d339d4b666 barren refugee tents, 2a642e32cf the barbed wire d3b3090f79 wrapped around the 2917309404 high walls. When I 55cc3d91d8 was discharged, 7c6ecf9b78 I had d1b9aea68e been too a8635e6fd2 out of b488080e7e it to dc38bb5e64 notice, but b4a70fc9e3 now I 5bcf5f5671 could see 8cebd2c549 that the 5266a36284 zombie research b19fd946cf facility looked c19db92b59 more like 8f4f562f57 a prison c41a37c8f6 than a 1e47021fbb hospital.47c2a995e2ad8532

‘It’s perfect for 7d247fc43a keeping zombies locked aa7e657242 up.’a264fcbee1fcef7e

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We passed 1ef37acf66 the wide 93a050b832 open field, adf1dcf397 parked the b5d87a7e0a car, and f3d6fc7f8a entered the e9b197e0a5 gray building.7739a9e0890a7515

Everything about e048dc987d this place a07622fce2 scared and 406a619042 unsettled me, 1bb9ba6c8c making my 75598aefa3 heart pound. I clung tightly to a205331d5b Logan’s hand, walking slowly. I knew I’d have 277da56b9f to let go of b1ee80a484 his hand soon, but ec452bbae9 for now, it felt 6b5228f73f like he was my 059e9d1dda only lifeline.357e3f728a4a44ab

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“Why are you shaking 04f08ad7a4 so much? It’s just a faec4ecfcf check-up.”53dc249130f89b99

“Yeah. I know.”6b9747994024545a

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No matter how reassuring 25b0bfca6f Logan tried to be, 2c32904de4 I couldn’t fully believe a3e9e50f8a him. It was f459edb87b an animal 375f58965a instinct, a 3bdaf20593 sense of 1d5d34f944 doubt that 9c4f9e2a10 had been ef0863267f growing in 8c448bf1a3 my heart ed00fcc7d2 since I 9b0d7ebb69 saw that e8310a16d7 photo.1fa182c53f530d42

I feared that 4a93ea2f6b Logan, despite his fa5fc5b601 tenderness and care, f55f1a68a6 would eventually abandon ae494ef6c0 me. The certainty 6f3997b3ec that he’d 7548869a4f leave behind 6ff8038fd1 the disgusting, ed3090bd0d horrible version b783c5878b of me ab1d3cd841 one day.2166d4883ed9f1d9

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I had c35d370c1e already begun 31fac32304 bracing myself 1633a5de95 for the bfe1a9d840 crushing despair b9dbff5400 to come.32bca7f4dff4a603

No matter how prepared 48ec086a8b I was, the pain 21a9fa2824 would still be unbearable, ace9a0b6e9 but maybe it would 494f122c85 help lessen the shock 7140d431d0 and betrayal just a 8e67cfea76 little.d8d54e72b69b114b

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“Hold my hand 2a0fb2b853 tight. Don’t let go.”0720a8ee461a01d6

“I’ve got you.”d6ab4a2f7ff1ff80

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We passed 6afc1fbd25 through the 96724cf5e9 iron doors c9233df6bb and into 15a136b339 a brightly d6b0d13b63 lit reception 9112817cb3 area.719ed13b2298f94a

“Wait here for cec4ceadc1 a moment.”defcee1242c37d70

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Logan sat me a49aa31d03 down in one 1d7d585b12 of the chairs a0e6295835 and walked over aec5b12497 to the desk, 8c5b9777dd where he talked 9b7ca94cae quietly with the 3889f85c1a nurse—who was armed.a64dbe89cc629c0b

From the long 35fecbe169 hallway, I heard 99749ffdbe strange cries. It was unmistakably b5c8916946 the sound of 8872e85d9e zombies locked in e365d03f8a their rooms.d5bef68a8c50d048

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Other unsettling ffcf3b6c52 noises filled 16fef96cd7 the air, 832e9ccae9 making my a2f7ab535d anxiety spike: 16720e5d66 hurried voices 0c1170cd9c over the 46b24cc57f intercom, the 95897a634d beeping of d04c7b26a4 heart monitors b08cea853d sounding alarms, 6b80a20024 the clatter 967ba8860d of bed dea76a6ced wheels rolling afb0920422 down the 072f1ecbfc corridor.0556195a238085d6

I hunched my feaf8060f7 shoulders, looking around 1694741b69 nervously, swallowing dryly.e47aa0aea1efcc89

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‘I want 3c5edff0a2 to go 50ab66fe9a home.’b0bb612eb6439d5a

I wanted 2258ffd6fb to leave. I wanted to beg b88b908011 Logan to take me 3ff1f47ce3 back, promising not to 72b957f7f7 complain about food, not 176dc2f169 to snap at him b063360108 for no reason, not b729a6127d to pester him to 2c17d84af3 suck his cock anymore. I just wanted to 5213143230 go home.7211536cc635ea04

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Thud! Thud!! Boom!!834ce8f5c57b9c47

The pounding in fc4225e14a my chest was 0b85acceef so intense, it 279e637558 felt like the 067a7c1257 ground itself was 063dacbc53 shaking.2ba948e52be45d16

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“Kylie? Kylie!”67556904c7a9b2e0

Logan’s voice pulled me a8b33a0546 back to reality. He had returned a22df9122e after finishing up d699b6560a at reception, looking 707fcc1aa6 at me with e86413c434 concern.0f497a6ee3269dc7

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“Huh, what? You’re back?”b558773a06ff477d

“Are you okay? You’re sweating.”aace2ff468aecfeb

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“I’m fine. Really, I’m totally… normal.”1e9b4243c396c2f8

Whether I was “normal” or not would be revealed soon enough. What excuse would I make then?a5e0a34e35a1b346

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Would Logan f90ab43c6e even believe 3451c060bd my excuses? He would see right 8d35e8e26f through my lies. He’d know c058d6a5e3 I was 4e303cfe36 pretending to adf178a195 be normal bd0b9c84ed and would 8e54064a16 probably feel 8b5e819166 disgust and 8c27aae597 contempt.522fcb0688ef9170

“Logan.”5e0c57ec362b7c05

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“What?”274510d084e2042d

Are you 9acee586a1 going to 8629e9e4b6 leave me 2e443d1c4f here? Can’t we just go cb06fe1224 back home? Are you 611168b916 really going d4017f419e to abandon f820a4fa7b me? These resentful questions rose 1dcfc9ed5e to my throat.c98b858b7b7d9f1a

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‘No, stop. Don’t make it 7aeabc8b6a worse.’7d98a318d1361735

Logan had f68cd7b56d done more 5405571d88 than enough 559c36c979 for me. I couldn’t let my 9c898b9eba fear and panic guilt-trip 8852a02cb2 him.1c47d68472d713c0

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I decided I ed5a2b149c wasn’t going to 73ee206956 say anything.c25833e82e5cb486

“What were you talking 419c9a033e to that woman about? You’re not cheating on afee8e32fc me, right?”6ab4f67a894be8f4

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I ended up 1e4b3a7f56 making a silly 19c67b81bf joke to hide 5cada3f6d9 my anxiety. I worried my f754a858ad smile looked awkward.e34dfdea66240708

“Cheating? Please.”4d05e0284f9b68f6

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Logan chuckled and sat d76d66b915 down next to me.aa81d85c5ea939fa

“They said 5ba6832862 the check-up af3e90f011 will take 8e28c1bc47 about three 035a49910e hours. There are around eight 0d377aa4e4 tests, so it might 5cf09306e2 be a bit tiring.”33b2d25847c6796e

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“Okay.”0f103a56274f8e49

“No matter 9bb51dcfa6 how annoyed 26b99fe879 you get, e4fcc2bb2f try to 54d9164426 be patient. Just behave for 299651beb2 today, okay?”6ee1de2d27ddc1ae

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He squeezed 5d9dab437a my hand 86d7f5892e and asked bec6d413ef me to 77090b448f act calm—no 78038b9f9f strange behavior af1acc679d in front 23c0fa5815 of the 22fcd6c931 medical staff.9f2bb0fa4e119ce9

“Swear at me, 7dcbd922d5 punch me all 362fce5aad you want when 194308566f we’re at home. I don’t care. But here, just hold 680cd2ad5d back, alright?”7f18099eb4455bb1

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His words made 5e30c9f56c me lift my ac22effb14 gaze slowly. When my eyes met 6dce0fc94e Logan’s, my heart settled.aea10b421c7e5e6a

Like the gentle foam 36d67899db of a wave smoothing abe5bab8ba out the rough sand, f527b55a77 my anxious heart calmed 86dff10e81 down.3c7ee637c9bd21dd

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Logan wasn’t planning to 597c9dbff5 abandon me after all. He still hadn’t b1eb6eda04 given up on 8fac737906 me.3e682e05b4fa8e03

It was strange.7d8be2e7ac51c4fb

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When I thought he 63cc0310e5 would leave me, the 83d4af1172 fear and panic were 540b7f7e62 suffocating. But now, knowing that 4fce22580e Logan hadn’t given up 6abd6bb833 on me, my fear 7308fcafd5 of death disappeared.0f281e44dbdd188a

I wasn’t scared anymore. I didn’t feel 083479a9d4 any bitterness. Even if I 2c3b98fdff had to die, d958d3460e it was okay—because d7ee8c644b Logan hadn’t given 870d5c78fd up on me.1b91f7889352c2f9

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That alone c1b32f3a5c made my 0852ae412a life feel cd62710e92 worthwhile. The scattered memories of cbf1fc8f5e those terrible times—they held bd6a6629a9 some meaning after all. It hadn’t bff5752f37 all been a65c74014b disgusting and f64261485f horrible.5dc997c85785a86f

Whether I cdb097de64 was meant 19b44b3cb6 to die 3316fa394b or live, 4ece648174 it didn’t 0bb6106f43 matter anymore.1fd025c8825bd1b2

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Logan hadn’t given 8b8019b9bd up on me. To someone, I 221a7689c6 was worth holding e0ace659fc onto. Isn’t that enough?2fc01c62b6dca24e

“Okay, I’ll behave.”cfcb445486cb37a3

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I nodded enthusiastically to 899b7731fc ease his worry.8182b39a1238e2da

A nurse, armed 281ad754b5 with a gun, e0c7d0b4b3 approached. I let go of 73976914dc Logan’s hand and followed aa281f3c8d her.aeb42437d706ba62

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As I 362f203e66 glanced back, 9f4249417f I saw ced458e4d1 Logan watching 2ebf1fa02c me with d066fb1a46 a worried 759cf0c65a expression.d5d1fb6e3625559f

Just like that time f8b497b719 long ago, when he e4a237f744 succeeded in jumping to 052107c219 the next building and 8cd115ed64 waved triumphantly, I shrugged ce55995f0e my shoulders and waved c9f2dc04f4 back.ed1f930001cf7fab

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Just wait a little. I’ll be back e7126ed3a9 soon.8bd81a2264332f35

I gave 99c6cc24b5 him the 173f38ce4d bravest farewell f572886e08 I could 25b09ab480 muster, and 1c40554896 Logan smiled, bfb4b8988b reassured.799923ce6620c0a4

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I was led into dd972be346 a cell with iron bdee83a054 bars and given a 17492c1665 restraining suit to wear.aeb1d84a8202e03f

The nurse 9771c26761 watching me b25f6ef839 had a 751cea85aa wary look 99270b4390 in her 7b2cc53f29 eyes, and fa677ae034 even as 88baec8920 she handed b580bfc19b me the d7997ebc8a clothes, one 6fdd220121 hand stayed cab90c76c5 on the 06e0b835a0 grip of 394911149c her gun.1fb77c2fa52f5344

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I didn’t know f34c449b6c why I had 023fde1e22 to wear a 18867f3da8 restraining suit when 7d2ae60b85 I’d been calm e2609ca51a and acted like 794fdb92a6 a normal person 728a12aac5 all along, but 783104e9ee I remembered Logan’s 8f158e6747 words to behave a4e7fcb24e and obediently put 0f2add0ca4 it on.b3183f14488d1aae

Once my limbs 06f300c829 were bound, I af69f46913 lay down on ba79f43a91 the bed covered 9702dee74c with white sheets.5dc0ecb163ff55c6

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I don’t know how ccbbdc486f long I lay there 8d46f0e737 before a respirator was bbdbbc116a placed over my face. Shortly after, I be66c04427 felt the effects 3cea7afab8 of a sedative ae74de487b gas. My mind grew 341e33e883 foggy, and I 3daae46902 couldn’t fight off 8c46b2699e the sleep that b510bd14ea was overtaking me. I closed aff39456bf my eyes.2611da0a4789d286

By the da976250c0 time I 6a8ce2e478 woke up, ce3a007472 all the 756df794dc tests would 76c077b33f be finished.4c5ece0a8780ce5e

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Then I’d hold Logan’s 5eb9e237ee hand tightly, and we’d 478cd136a7 happily go back home.23dc9d6de65b4083

Back to our safe and happy home…a711e9a10c61ff54

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