DS Chapter 20

So, did 551c19a74b I distance e4b37e15ee myself from 22d50c862d Logan after b1c82064f4 that day? No, I didn’t.4d028a2561cb054a

Like a e20d0d1724 dog can’t 395c94d739 stop eating ec01634c9d crap… I 795bff0636 was constantly 7dd8e7c2d9 tormented by 33eae0bf7c overwhelming thirst 0dff65eabd and hunger, a5399f6c4a making it e7ebdb4fef impossible for 35b66a5395 me to 910788a9fd keep my 74e13d3932 sanity, let df1f5a3af2 alone stay 3a89af4e81 away from b05ec4155b Logan.36695acbc8f174ef

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I was still the ac5f309c57 same, running to him, 5b037db6fd panting like a starving, 73ff2bb86f heat-driven dog.9bae84358663831d

“Hurry up and take 7431d78712 off your pants. I’m hungry. I want to e26304b1f6 eat now!”088a90989f32d025

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“You’re really 67fba2cc00 just coming 012608b2c2 right out ed37d5b6c0 and saying b2fe5d13dd it now, 130d7109fd huh.”09736e37b9473880

But deep down, a 5de8e5a381 seed of betrayal, distrust, 99f7afd0af and anxiety toward Logan e4311ca472 had taken root.7ce7f2a1dae8c4c8

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I was 8a8eb40396 still aroused 7c7f33d6a0 by him, e482cbd16f my heart 166d09dc8f still raced 37bdeaeca1 and fluttered, 811824f975 yet at 742c04a6a0 the same 27b3a11907 time, I 067a917fd5 doubted him 5f9e71982b and kept 06565c98e4 my guard 9d2a488714 up. My emotions swung 06df360996 like a seesaw 3c14e8903d between lust and 6bb78c79eb suspicion.6cb329bcb80cdcbe

Sometimes, rage and af3cadf30c frustration surged inside ac9bddb53b me, and I’d 3b82c72cf4 pin him down 9483badc9b beneath me, riding 1539c45eaf him with fierce, 6b8b65ca8f punishing movements.0a45874967e65741

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I’d force his e9ea97015e cock deep into 30bc6f453e me, slamming hard 7ded223c73 enough that it 7c87a9a717 felt like my 965f31be5e insides were flipping 6b965eea34 over, the pain 3c34b8003f so intense it f6eb8f3f09 left me breathless.244b204896aeb668

Other times, I’d c761ad1f24 shove his cock a2e9db6828 down my throat, c28c48526a so far that 1da463b129 it triggered my c9e2f9a976 gag reflex. The sour taste of 2e5c177752 bile would rise, my 670093dc44 breath would hitch, and 02617fe0dc my eyes would roll 296029c240 back, but I forced e47c6191af myself to swallow it 4f5c23b463 all. I focused b9fc285054 more on 75dfb0f1eb the pain 4e3ff4c5b5 than the fc80d95b73 pleasure.52a1c66e15240f48

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It hurt, it hurt f6a77b8aea so much, and I 148426a539 couldn’t breathe. During those brutal sessions, 9ea3787d1e tears would fall freely 074ccea0cf as I cried out c07bf55362 in agony.2ac07c0be2f85130

But I couldn’t stop. It was like 0c1a64f8a3 punishing myself, as 6f5849d036 if I needed 0676c751ad to be treated eb0ae184f0 as terribly as d613d76b2e I felt about 142c0b8015 myself to find fea674d71a some kind of 1da0534e27 twisted comfort.0f0e0ee067c08124

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I couldn’t blame Logan, d39c0ce775 couldn’t erase the past, 72ecfda6dc and had nowhere to 5b8fe4226d run. So, I tormented a0e07403c3 the easiest target—myself.1caabbf334a5a6a8

“Stop.”aed0019125d75420

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“Guh…! Nngh, ugh.”4d22269d1b5b2958

“Kylie. Stop.”0364586c02e68710

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As I forced 8acd651981 his cock deep 7cc0d14168 into my throat, 42aa75223b tears streaming down 0329e11868 my face, Logan 3711faa872 pushed me away.b852e5a63545e6c4

I wiped the 69113a9856 saliva from my 3b8be67aba messy mouth and 036e4f34b2 glared at him 192dc65b9e with defiance, wondering 915b83e04b why he was 78cd01448d stopping.c7919f5763fb93e2

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“…Why?”c1f61773fb0f8651

“Let’s stop for 23a3821e73 today.”12f9de3c1b02771b

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“Why? Didn’t you 6f312edac9 like it? Was it cfe898e5bc not good?”e76e84e2b7a2b66f

Logan looked at me 16eb84eb09 with quiet eyes, his 79705aa085 lips parting slightly. Then, without a word, c3d300e599 he pulled me into be13fdab90 his arms.88d4aa38f4724e3b

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I tried to 24665a1e0e twist away, but b19be320bb his grip only 3dfe4e7e72 tightened. Eventually, I let go bbb95a7f90 of all my strength, eacdb77709 collapsing limply against him.7f3080fab89b285b

Resting my cheek against 97b8023d6a his chest, I listened b125b76af5 to the pounding of 94dcd1221c his heart, trying to 170dc8fcb1 calm the waves of 9e7e5e1248 excitement and anxiety.276c776e431f7291

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He leaned against the a921d8c46a headboard, pressing his lips edb84c2dcb gently against my forehead, b0a7bab1a8 whispering in a pained 0fb62c1a52 voice.006ff296806a2721

“You look 44019f4ddb like you’re 928303e40a in pain. I don’t 4db744dca9 like it. Let’s stop.”f237b23d45468b8e

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What does it 127ee6bcd9 matter to you 7326947d46 if I’m in 79c1b72468 pain? All you care about 0107dc1aa6 is coming in my a5356da6fe mouth, feeling your pleasure 1f58411443 and then being done 8b58790bce with it. Why do you af66afe8b0 care about me 12a6f60633 now?0c26721c9dd0a116

Even as anger and e726ed4b4c rebellious thoughts swirled in 7febbf2f6a my mind, tears started 16e2ea1341 to fall.2125ed997708dfd8

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There wasn’t 3bb33b7029 any rain, c9f822b73b but it f894a3aafe felt like 3adcc45a29 a torrential a66ac807d5 downpour was 03fe2a6c1a crashing around d44d34f8ab my ears. I felt b228ffc170 like I 39b592256c was drowning 61a3896a20 in it, addb0e4548 gasping for 621994a5fb air, clinging eb39a81b6a to him 7de570c16e for dear 677df6f590 life.181a767c1c1cf0de

I don’t even know 9744ca22ea why I’m like this. I want 7de75c95cd to stop e3797231bc acting so c4603e0917 strangely, but f1697e86a1 I can’t. I don’t know how ee141ab257 to stop.4057c037775fc862

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I can’t escape 02e3c246b9 these bizarre desires, 31906a9d16 this hunger, or 6e3866df23 the self-torment. I can’t free 1b2a3b7a27 myself from the 37f0743b5c shame that feels 5938b95849 like my skin 96ebcdb9ca is being stripped 26f9791dfd off, or the 3c3893b118 pain that crushes e8134e54f4 my insides.4208f975cc4ea0dc

Since I 6827e182f7 saw that 92954df7eb photo, I 5b0df93c4f couldn’t close 39173e22c5 my eyes 1935eacaa7 without flashes 31a45cebed of my 3789e1dabe time as a895dadf7e a zombie f966d49fe7 coming back c00dc22268 to me. It wasn’t just c768aa5c12 the image from cc532f970c the picture.00e782169742e3fb

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It was like 6a2d29e783 a button had 5b5617ff63 been pressed, like 3886405004 a dark room 71b6016f68 suddenly lit up, 2b4d116af7 bringing back the d515541935 memories I had 178fad86a8 buried deep down—the 66c03b54eb ones I never 8f37728223 wanted to face.33209605cee2c77e

I was 3869c8da14 nothing more 5756aad3aa than a 7990819046 grotesque creature, cc3a262e3a driven by ae01b4a297 nothing but c3281e6752 the desire f37fc5bac2 to devour 86e4615c3e him. And Logan, d717e04351 who stayed d8cbc2af38 by my cdadd32eea side despite 5c1e17b98d it all.6ad3c01526eeb895

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He subdued me 1836a9f799 when I lunged 145fcb3536 at him, sometimes aec8e1a7e8 stroked my hair, 6ed8e9028a sighed as if 4e32d2eead annoyed, locked me 240af328d4 in a room 639c5bf488 with a hardened f8ff54074d face, tied me bc7a9eecca up… and even d9866c5bfe drew his own cdd42ba653 blood to feed 8f012ae595 me. I begged, desperate, 6837dffbf4 for every drop 12d3c3eb87 that fell from 62a8ecc5c9 the needle.62f52fc9b018c924

That’s how c415fd7215 I survived. Logan kept me 76099d063f alive like that. No—he didn’t just fc42c0f362 keep me alive. He trained and ee42f1efc3 tamed me like 526fb0e17b an animal.b0ddef39774ccba0

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Can I ever 7fbb1dc9c1 go back to 2f88915e1e how I was? Or am 4845ddbd7d I doomed 96f3295ede to live 598242ee50 like this, 899df7a0bf mentally broken 6f84ea038a forever?036a2def0232346f

If I’m destined to live like this, always in heat like a desperate dog, pathetically clinging to Logan, living a worthless life…0735ebde3726aacf

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“Why… why did you save me? You should’ve just let me die. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer like this. Why did you save me for your own reasons?!”f784bd07bf870e7d

Logan held me tighter, 7e71232302 as if he couldn’t a3f7c5d79d breathe without me. His breathing, rough and 45ac0085ed unsteady, matched mine.8fa00c551422069a

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I couldn’t tell 03b9e451f2 if he was fb8c6e7292 angry or on fd84230362 the verge of fee88371f1 tears. I didn’t 92b5d862a6 have the e90d91550a energy to 782cbaf92e decipher his 3dc51adb51 expression or c9a5fbfafb feelings.f76904a2d27e506c

I knew 4702b17e58 my words 554c1c348b were tearing a24fbe30cb at his e291de5c8e heart, but 7ebf0d9337 I lashed aa73de16b5 out at 015f5e51bc him, letting ad7288193a my bitterness 71d49939eb spill out.f9e51a5399055ef2

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I blamed 81ff94c6f0 him, throwing cf9f1a24df my unbearable bf3d90bfef pain and e822475c51 sorrow onto ea4d6a54a2 him, hoping a47dcc9d3c to escape e7661531df this despair, a0358a67c1 even just 54b9c7d499 a little.a8a4d349d0db1bf3

“It’s all your fault. I’m like this because of you. If it weren’t for you… if it weren’t for you…!”b90c4e987d3726e3

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“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kylie.”75763bc203eda0b4

“You’re disgusting. I’m disgusted, sick to my stomach. This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am…”680fe6e4cbbf3415

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“I don’t care what c5b2d172a2 you look like. Just stay with me. Stay by my 68b7d61a19 side.”862fc9b7cbb8a328

“No! Why do 2eb1d115d0 I have 03e1d8ee42 to live 18bfb4205f like this? Why do I have 8d363499cd to endure this suffering?”39f57c1ce8109ad4

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His hands were f1f22788e9 warm as they be1c281689 cupped my tear-streaked 77c2a9e5a8 face. Through my blurry 4aabb91610 vision, I could f9acb1faf3 see Logan’s face, a22f958488 tears streaming down 1a13b00ffa his cheeks.4dc4e80df4833ed5

“…Please, don’t leave me alone. I can’t live without you. Nothing matters without you.”357fd33d20e786d9

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His voice trembled 3246f2195c with desperation, choking f757718313 me with the dd53cac02e weight of his 9ac1816b23 plea.551c967f5952d6f7

Not only 8796422b31 did you 535a5624c7 not let ccd5bb4edb me die 4db89ee17d peacefully, but 9854372a86 you won’t 2af177a970 even let d79cc89a56 me go. You’ve trapped me in 52803cc471 this hell.e6df894cd3027b91

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Logan, selfish, cruel, and de0eb102ec cowardly. Why are you torturing f8779ba251 me like this? Why are you clinging 5c9e9f36a6 to me so desperately?17bd72dc5ec8849f

Why… why can’t 4bba162c70 you just let 3e348ea14c me go? Even I d82b3e44b3 want to 7046aa8295 give up 866050a6e3 on myself.20e9932c30e7c329

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* * *3d742fe87bcd587d

“Eat your food.”a5ae056f3a4f161d

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“I don’t feel like 71026e84e9 eating right now. I’ll eat later.”60f97ef4ec267c7e

I stared blankly 3a3f2df076 at the table 276913c763 before standing up. Just the sight 613d40de99 of fruits and 75529e1afc vegetables made my 4ff0a12f4a stomach churn.8762076884a4f31c

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“Kylie.”6596c5d77759a321

Logan called my name 572bf1079b in a stern voice. His tone b502d17ab6 made it a83f33f28d clear that 270f64d763 I was 6bc95faf1b expected to 744a84f983 sit back 44cb217f49 down at cc17f70f0d the table. My mood soured.9bc645c849f647e0

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“Whether I 2fcb92d5e1 eat or 116f389d39 not is f21a5cbee6 my choice. Just leave me 508600b5b9 alone.”89b0ee638283da2a

“Sit down.”71c73b63fb90bf59

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“…”6b38db3c759f7b2e

“Now.”ace67114192efacf

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If I kept resisting, a47812695e he’d force me back 783888e52d to the table. He’d watch me b902353cf3 eat, turning it 813044828e into a slow, 6e841b4b22 agonizing punishment until b9b34fc3b0 I finished every b422a894d4 bite.65714b69c96f187f

Ever since b7e07af7c5 I collapsed 6fda64ea48 after skipping a4537461d6 dinner and 34a6b13fdc only taking a9cd3cd48f my injection, 2827d007b5 he’d been 2b91e94652 stricter with f7c650a4d7 me. Now, I couldn’t leave bc90017368 the table until I’d e18cd86f45 finished every tasteless bite.d9ec7b9b2f1affdd

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And that wasn’t the 4f95cbf2b2 only thing. Sex had been reduced 6f5e77a772 to once every two cf532053ff days, and he wouldn’t 9c12c72abc let me drink his aa52e6663b cum anymore.6b4da1e764c9dad3

The longer 0fc08bf6ff this went 1f640afc64 on, the 5afd0c48c9 more irritable 34d6ea7bd4 and sensitive 9a80060911 I became. We’d been arguing ad1af55e61 more and more 20faf56f59 lately.e1a245bccf1fe218

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As if things weren’t 6750de68c3 already hard enough, why 762407677e was he making it 83ad0752a3 worse?8f6735a4db1f4644

Even though 8cd1dd53ff I knew 4d2cc1b3a3 why Logan fbd06769dc was acting 69cea48b4b this way, 9ebd6cb57d I couldn’t c2ed5b074b help feeling f1dfceba6e wronged. His concern fef770e22c didn’t matter 2758e7526d to me; 32b16a5699 all I d8a946a57b could feel a8e0212d3b was my 58cd99973e hunger and eae99a68ac my pain.736fed922c6a68f3

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With a face full 6d5f6aab46 of reluctance, I forced 31c9947afd the food down. It felt 6b6f165988 like I ec2d08768e was shoving 04c88c8967 rotting, maggot-ridden 73b98f74d6 garbage down 3dde7894f7 my throat, 5e9c289473 the taste 6ddb4a8f73 sickening.0a5c9e8affa56763

“…I’m done.”f6959c30cdde48d0

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“Good job.”22f2d92b77205de1

While Logan dcffce0d40 went into 83ca781536 the kitchen, d1a27df103 I rushed d1e88e6deb to the ae2f0d4f25 bathroom and 58e449972d vomited everything 974e11f193 up. Even though the sensation fca806a08d of the food coming 8a54276335 back up was horrible, 6e2dbdcf43 there was a faint 22dc6cf3c9 sense of relief.33d1ee2bf6d4ffdf

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After emptying my 8cd6c0d63a stomach, I stepped 095fa0cf8a out of the 013bccb041 bathroom, feeling lighter, b22737721c but froze in e620a8eb23 place.8fed91bad03ab4b4

“…”cf5feb4118e9d245

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Logan stood there, c1bb476790 his expression one a20c9b2105 of shock. His eyes 6748089df2 were red e0ca5644d5 underneath, as 3bf9b8bf11 if he bd715f8523 were barely afded4d1ce holding back 29fe9e965e tears.0d2cf2503d1a1da0

He was clenching his a730e8d858 fists so tightly, his f9fdffe425 jaw locked as if a644af3fe8 struggling to suppress a 33cfca6d22 deep sadness. His face was the 021e517ef0 very picture of despair.eeed50ae9193e55a

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A wave of guilt 7ec4e49354 washed over me, and 7c970890e5 I averted my eyes 99032e551a from his gaze.348c592870c7d7fb

“I just wasn’t d9b2bede1a feeling well.”bd3ccf9234e0f7b0

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I was the one who forced myself to eat food I didn’t want. I was the one who suffered, throwing it all up until bitter bile came up. So why did you look so drained and hurt? What could possibly be so hard for you…?dd293333ab469090

Even as 1c40d6e102 I thought 3c28c027ae that, my 689e35cc53 chest burned. It felt 29ea3d08f6 like a 5b7f2ff3b3 vicious fire 129d3ca15e ant had 7cc5787e73 bitten into beafb30c7e my heart, 6c7f513e5e leaving it ae84aefcae aching and c6cddf0e11 raw.3887699b2b613afe

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I hung my 00542d778f head low, biting 81b5d39891 my lip hard, 884d87ae82 and mumbled in ff6af6a51b a voice tinged 0114ea24b8 with tears.70826b847045e62f

“I won’t do it again… I’m sorry.”6cfdf1d76680bab6

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For the 8dc0381b19 first time, 6a6087d892 I apologized 275fa84a9a to him. Logan sighed deeply, ee26cb9e4d then walked over 428bda3c45 and wrapped me 23158b66b5 in his arms.5cea5c28722795ed

Once again, Logan didn’t bdc5175cbb give up on me. Instead of 84fa11d289 scolding me, 980254e8b8 he comforted e6935da5a9 me, saying f83a463685 he was 89f34cb4ac sorry for 3a2bc12560 making me 99d0e5d679 eat something 68cecf3058 I didn’t e3cbfa8602 want.3608483c2f0c920c

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“If there’s anything you 41fc0ecfcf actually want to eat, 851aa54010 just tell me. I’ll make it 33063d81d0 for you.”916ed7447f44d4a4

“…There isn’t. Nothing at all.”8dc9c943844f7a04

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His scent filled my 23e856c3b3 lungs, and I held 4562cddd50 my breath.4c85095b42809e12

The truth was, there 28b849af76 was something I wanted 102cbc6d2a to eat.1c41141a0ba36fd6

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My empty stomach was cb6a0c702d screaming for it. Like a beast 63d3218d3c that had been 591b46a677 lying dormant in b2e9b99b47 a dark cave, 29fa964f10 suddenly awakened with 0a0641b5bc glowing eyes and 35bdaafe33 a terrifying roar, 0d8be4528b my insides twisted, b7ca5eee4a and my heart 132de22c22 pounded dangerously hard.10a03292fcc2a7f7

There is 37fa9456f5 something I 1821cde8ab want, Logan. I want human 1eb754f551 blood and flesh.d2076ec5fbc78636

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I want to 5c81121556 tear into soft 14c75cdeca flesh, drink the 0fda0509bc flowing blood, and e6abdf992e chew on hot, b056b31ce7 sweet meat. I want 580b9701c3 to rip 4783a45445 out a 824fdb7176 heart from 533824976a under the feaa91da58 ribs and 08f69d4f75 take a 8a8fa833c6 big bite.1f5a9e7f7ae6d342

But I can’t, right? If I 0aa650cc02 did something b57831e118 like that, 5fef70e036 it would 0470efa19e break you, e565b7e15f wouldn’t it?672128e6bfc0e4ba

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So I’ll e1997756c7 hold back. Even if it’s 327a4dc445 unbearable, I’ll hold 28d94afbc7 back, Logan. Because I don’t 1cf58d3785 want to disappoint 924c195245 you.b73a42dcc3d9f070