DS Chapter 19

As I hit another de2a10e021 climax, my eyes rolled c4d49eec18 back, and Logan came 36d3834418 long and hard into 626144ec1d my mouth. The intense pleasure 30ab53587e made me tremble f91562315b as I swallowed cbd75a812e his cum, savoring 213e7dd846 the sensation.805d0c42b42cce0a

‘Is this heaven…?’2522b3e1fa6a0861

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My vision flashed ba4fe0c7a1 white, and I dfffe8cecb felt like I d13be79ec7 had died from 2fa13db49e pleasure, arriving in ac21a1f3d6 heaven in a 922ac26a7e blissful daze. The ecstasy was so 545142c76a overwhelming that I could 0129fcf3f5 hardly stay conscious.541147d0977c67e3

All the strength drained a02df31355 from my body. I didn’t even b8bd51a7cb have the energy 4ff9d807b3 to move. As I lay trembling a0ae6b9f64 on top of him, 424d04e74a Logan gently pulled me dc79ba5b0f together.270541e198238ad6

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He lifted me off 286ad8a102 him, sat me in 3e685d2862 the passenger seat, and a754d1607b even dressed me in 8edc5e7cad the clothes that had f482a5659e been tossed to the 3d1983f553 floor. All I could 3b5b48b4b7 do was catch 0e1d472c67 my breath, leaving 5efb871e1f my limp body 7e4cb862f0 to him like d213f98c1a a doll.61233f9d8f56f908

After buckling 35cd5cf5cd my seatbelt, 594c8f1c65 Logan finally 865ca9040f pulled up 97d9f8fe6e his pants. While he was getting f7ed1b7755 dressed, I mumbled dumbly.c1cd228659c2d421

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“…That was 72b941c0e6 really amazing 7dd2236656 car sex.”1963f6da272a6ed3

“I’m glad you 996ff439ef liked it, but e42ea605f6 we should head 5ea1c59cec back soon. I didn’t bring 5e9602a5fd your shot, so a9ee381bf4 it’s best to c05cc94efa get home before 57ec878a83 evening.”52a8ba5dd132f7dd

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Would something 70b180b32b really bad a1d950152e happen if 7b57e654cd I got dbac571d9f the shot 2e529c0e2a a little b0e34dd417 late? I wanted 6189d54883 to go 48aad5cceb shopping at 12cbc46dc9 the luxury 024d32b092 store, but 401c6e320a seeing the 23f430ee45 seriousness in 1e9721aea7 his eyes, 83cf94b943 I just f2c2b17909 nodded quietly.7532a8c8aeaaf3f0

“Let’s come back again 327ade4f61 next time. Maybe we 3defe28ee8 can take 922d5cdd09 it easy f5f14ddf55 on the 06982526c6 sex and 10f456d8a5 have a 937afbf21a proper date.”b4fe5cc8e881f14d

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It wasn’t ad7121dd30 like today cbfc8f407a was our c1412c0a51 only chance. We could 2ae0779287 always come 01e7d666db back. The idea of having 9b28fb416a something to look forward cae3c2ee59 to broke up the 150efae991 monotony of meaningless, aimless 6118f28cc0 days.914388b54a7d961a

Where should we go 24731f78c6 next weekend? What new place could 3808d7b5d6 I explore with Logan 15be537f6d for sex? Thinking about it a9e644674c made the restrictive 6d55c5506f weekdays feel a ed9afdb4d4 little more bearable.ef4055b8f75c73aa

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Logan glanced 640b61ab9c over at 46f383292a me and d9db5a01f2 smiled brightly. His wide 6eaf0d6f24 grin was 4069af39c6 absolutely beautiful.46f969b2d2cbd343

“Yeah. Let’s come again.”ac1bf742a14a518a

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Thump. My heart pounded so 57a5700a23 hard I could hear f9523c5211 it in my ears. My cheeks and forehead bb474cb371 burned as if I d3b53329ef had a fever.26f51d124f623362

In the side mirror, 57421e2be9 I caught a glimpse b9f4231512 of my own face—flushed 12f2b13330 red, like some lovesick 2623081c54 girl.db87014125134a7a

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In that moment, 3b729c73fd seeing my own 5b066f5370 expression, I realized 69b3846cf3 I had fallen 3f784ca050 into a terrible f2b6c26ff5 fever. It had taken me 21e058dcfc this long to realize ab97f46a64 that this warmth I e4d1ace888 was feeling was love.80e114a6234fc4ad

‘I thought 98eebaee9d I was 2c0c406460 smart.’0347ad92be8bd1e4

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But only 4bb2a439b3 now was 5aab12329a I figuring 70eda95ea1 it out. Turns out I wasn’t dae15e6f96 smart at all—just pretending 9e05019fbf to be.a43907c7a2fc368c

‘Logan must like me 55940b2706 too, right?’9e60d4afc97ed705

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That’s why he 664e755ccc hasn’t killed me, cfa313abec why he’s treated 41fdee7c99 me and taken 7aba3b4618 care of me, ff0312c980 right? For the first time, b673130e44 I became intensely curious 4bb8b1087b about his feelings, something b5cab9ad72 I had never wondered e7dc056499 about before.66537a7ed97c1a3d

Logan sharply turned 4ece3fc35f the wheel, driving 07de78be2b us out of f7231ddfcc the city. The scenery that we 74086733bb had lazily observed earlier 9836104ebc now sped by in 154fe2e91c a blur.850f218794eb9d5d

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It had been 5f467cea3f a casual outing, 1395ff5bf4 but it turned 8729440ee1 out to be a449bde155 better than I c911985122 expected. No, it ad35855b6b was the 6d98bbf564 best.e734adaa3e7ed2a7

* * *d1a705b0fbd730da

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A few days 313729209e later, I gained 22625b3968 a bit of 9c18be1b72 freedom. After Logan 01f20c9bdf left for 2f35a72383 work, I 8eb314fcb7 was allowed feec00fb53 to roam 61dfa0592b around the f79e8f7bb4 living room.f70ec610c43899ab

Aside from my 0f4148f326 obsessive fixation on 6556b8ad28 Logan’s scent and 5d8c9b176d the intense euphoria cafd036458 I felt from 112f2d06f3 his bodily fluids, e26bf5247a I was quite e0a1f2a333 normal. I could’ve been given 166fa10559 this freedom earlier with 0d0cd7e857 no issues.2971a9f24a974429

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‘Maybe it’s not 2f6a79ab81 that the treatment 6f1dac1d31 isn’t complete, but 69d1f5222f that this was e76ce05d1b just my preference d89c1c623a all along?’6583504d513bdbcd

I started to 3c6a186cd3 entertain these hopeful 8ea83aea3e thoughts.29aec901be3f4c9c

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Today, I planned to 26e6da64dc clean the house. I wanted to scrub f1990d9e1e the sticky floors, sweep 25379fdcea up the dust, and cc618e1fde get rid of the 1a183fdbbe cobwebs hanging from the e99f099a13 windows and ceiling.623ff13b79051145

Logan would 1221bddf68 be surprised 25c8e42006 to see 0cc26b963a the clean f11ace754d house when 2a01645d26 he got d10da84ec5 home, right? If he saw 01fa829ffe that I had 66f86b0ed1 cleaned it myself, 0085369b7c maybe he’d think b1da50d18f I was fully cd3c0ba62c recovered.b08b104781cc3b97

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There might be messy 62a8a6534f zombies drooling everywhere, but 0adf863d30 there certainly aren’t any 5e064246c6 zombies who clean, right?79773c795bc6b9a8

The thought c8505fbe61 of getting 76664eee88 praise from 95a2971ed7 Logan made 0dcac2c085 me feel fd371a9c97 good. I grabbed a d9852abd35 broom and mop 24eda89826 and cheerfully started 72a0b9e136 cleaning.0bb1c17963c273a0

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‘Who knew 3a116ec5d8 I’d ever dfdb462fcb enjoy cleaning?’086cf68ecdb97958

I’ve always been f7edcc0b27 terrible at keeping cecf123c1c things tidy. If my mom e891a44828 didn’t nag me, 2ead6b3c8d I’d rarely ever d0762cbedc clean my room, e7648e499c so I never d4d2b293da imagined I’d have 073457390e a day like 6e178f6c38 this.14931f4f18139be5

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‘Mom…’14f49080fb953363

Suddenly, I was 8278c7f6b1 reminded of her d0e41ef9a1 scolding me to 25568c0f44 clean, and my 4ad9316578 mood became somber.4aaca2a82d780c46

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I wasn’t 87e4b6a6d2 trying to 0be6601826 blame Logan cf69cd6eee for it, 83f640f493 but I 4a14033f36 couldn’t help a0b725f34d feeling sad e674a76c12 and missing 6e67339659 my mom.827dd08821bfba3b

‘It must’ve been 729b2723c1 an accident. Something that happened in 347c77bbfe a chaotic situation. If Logan had killed 7213a5ef92 her like a murderer, ae0b6cf6bc she wouldn’t have asked afe479af95 him to take care 3634a529c3 of me with her bfbb0aa070 dying breath.’5c1e953d18d58491

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I recalled my 4ffa652caf mother’s final words 514c9a7cb2 to Logan. Swallowing the tears threatening c5a94f9607 to spill over, I 1a3985c005 promised myself that I’d 9c0f385eec get better, strong and 77965e7154 healthy, for her to 933c8ed9bd see from the sky.79267866db882dbc

‘No, wait. No. I don’t 70bbaee5b5 want her 08042b55b5 watching over 65d9b16ba1 me from 58aa4560d4 the sky.’23a8a95c5f979dd1

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The thought 25815de9ec of Logan ffcade3070 and me a53b8a0ec9 doing all 5c93217e31 those dirty eb3233a2cc things every 5e61833a7a day, and c490b5bba5 my mom 268e752842 possibly watching 3d0faa0dd5 from above, 31ce071082 made my 66a4d150c2 head spin.6351a9ae8862a53f

It’s just a d869be91a4 figure of speech. There’s no way 2b104b0c86 that’s really happening.c56f6a70e28d2b46

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I brushed off 8580ac38e6 the unnecessary panic, 0a6def27eb placing my hand 7b74df6b30 over my chest ca1d43ce37 as I quickly 833d16a0a8 resumed sweeping. I needed to keep 0c73cc3534 moving to shake off 131d976951 those intrusive thoughts.5aa383a990af4267

I grimaced when d8840b62da I saw the 60f7961c99 shelf full of 3f603d43ea mouse droppings and e679dcab52 dead flies. I closed it firmly, c030d2f94f deciding never to open 7d839bc039 it again. I shoved broken, outdated 77800e3298 appliances and shattered decorations 62e105da9a into the storage room, c0ed9f2478 out of sight, and d62c059998 poured bleach all over 6caf17021b the grimy sink.efc75662a0f8e34b

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Most of the appliances ab4375bb27 and belongings in the 77a97464d3 house belonged to the 2ada50535e previous owner, so Logan bc7565cb38 wouldn’t care if I f8fb6a4229 tossed them. He hadn’t lived 4e8bacaa4f here long either, 8b21273696 after all.56a79b50f5b6c0d3

There wasn’t much a3a0e82f01 I could do 33c93a27bb about the moldy be502e3144 wallpaper, the ceiling db1bb3ebaa with holes, the b27c02e0cf ripped sofa, or c2d608b75e the frayed curtains. But just clearing 573d01203b out the broken 3cc590e667 items and cleaning 610f770215 the dust and 9e14c4bae1 cobwebs made the 96f6e908f0 place look somewhat 05152df359 livable.8265697002cc61f9

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By the time 0d6768191e I finished tidying 2e8c62e15e up the house, 0521dc4731 half the day 5ead1fd013 had already passed. My limbs 391dd37879 felt heavy, ae1f8353a8 like they c68a23abfe were soaked 69e8a4b5cf in water, 4a0422b086 and my e9c3eed242 body sagged c75de4afc9 with exhaustion.75a05980358b0385

‘I shouldn’t 0d6b5230ea wear myself 50b5c9047d out cleaning. Logan will 94e76e011b want to 3ab15e843d have sex 09690edca5 when he 376277f98c gets home.’b5375c7e56590d92

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No matter how tired 9a2a286a6a I was, I couldn’t b0c2d4332e skip the most important d071331985 part of my daily 778dbdfdb3 routine.00d32c2c78c8619c

As I wiped 68bb498a98 down the table 0190363fc2 with a dry 2428250473 cloth one last 841f5af916 time, something caught ce2f4e2205 my eye.77729068fe097b79

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“Huh?”03a11f866f07e920

A photo, flipped 4d199594e7 upside down in a6081e7a2b the corner. I was 92c80d350b about to dcf2d31a0d throw it efd6293b19 away, thinking e40fb25711 it belonged bbd11623c9 to the e207b7bde2 previous owner, f3dc0d4586 but then 7dfedc0f3e I realized dc52e30ee3 the people eff1b5abef in the 5a4e4797af picture were 347a610838 us.2e29b572503cc888

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It was a bit 39cdb27c1f blurry, as if the 5384d49b5a focus was off, but de0b01a2ae it was clearly Logan 701b506135 and me.d3290fbf02c8fdd1

The fact 3734b5d101 that I 16312ae1dd didn’t remember 1b6504160d taking this f08382c019 photo meant 284a287262 it must 4801355e5a have been a14d8f1195 taken when 5879c30da4 I was 76604c1a6e still a f3b281f91e zombie.44f06fcded7ce3c6

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“…”53540b8fcfcfd0a2

As I 8915d2ce8d stared at d3606fc676 the picture, 6cc425086d my expression bd6602a8d8 darkened.bcd52d82814a3228

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It wasn’t 5630bd2936 because of b3dde62b6e Logan. It was because 0ae7dd3e98 of how I 2a44d6cfb5 looked in the 423e1928cb photo.fd00a5bb71e273bb

I had ec776ca21e a muzzle 9774157309 strapped tightly aa4b13ff38 over my eb2b25f947 mouth, both e893e288ac my hands d909419bbb were wrapped 3a83003765 in bandages, 0ad3934651 so I 0d4689707d couldn’t use 5a8f08ca63 my fingers, 0a7ed66853 and, most 9313d75589 strikingly, I b66ddef9fa had a 392a2146b1 collar around 2daf3fadc7 my neck. Naturally, the 295f00e013 one holding a64cbbba84 the leash ed84d976eb was Logan.a507d47cf8a11613

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‘So, he really 404040fba9 dragged me around 25d1942bfc like a dog.’faae2728dce28545

An indescribable feeling 1da43127b6 clenched in my f483fd4900 throat. That subtle discomfort I’d 53cd6c0e02 felt at being treated 9a28cbc347 like an animal finally e301ba9ada made sense.ab7035fc35a369d6

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Should I be 050abf51c5 grateful that he 77273e725f kept me alive 9418b9dcca like this? Could I 5fbdc62677 really say a9b4c26b9d that living 49d4d60676 in such f3f31029af a pathetic 72a98c70a4 state was 28ea44d7a2 better than 2af7f32c1c death? Living like this, f2143f5225 in such a 2f912f0531 miserable condition, was 563aab3341 nothing short of 74858c0282 a curse.9c6d7e8c663ac094

And… was this really love?c89f996f257d56be

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Maybe love would bf1c126d37 have been letting 17c8ae2ad9 me rest in bbe80c5a70 peace, killing me ee10a2bb0d when I was ab2256d953 still human.ac6cd24e5df7cebe

Instead of keeping me b10672b025 alive as some pitiful 95295cb2f0 creature just to ease d12c827195 his own guilt, wouldn’t 9736ed9dda real love have been bedf6159a4 granting me the dignity 159cac6dec of dying as a a21c573f89 person?197ac2d7a0ca9777

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This was mockery. It was humiliation, a beae2cf064 cruel insult to what e0c64cd984 I had become as 455695b37a a zombie.d9fb364d1d777a62

My hands d60d3c20b3 shook, and bbebc4442f I dropped 7f5b732359 the photo. The image of e687782623 my wretched, pitiful b55fea3cda past fluttered to 442a50d501 the floor.0ae78b73d9b27729

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I left the b3b0545a2e photo where it cd662c0aa8 lay and turned af60807d3b away.2927b8ecfb9bd71c

It felt like 67e20c34f8 I was sinking 97a8eaf72a into a swamp, c156e1565d the ground beneath ff3545a2fc me giving way cadf765976 with every step.9cde027d725c4150

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I wanted to fe189607c2 hide. I wanted to 01b876acae run away from 70a9a1529f these disgusting, nauseating f3227d0105 feelings.a6764500b2b1aa80

‘But where could I d999d96b16 go? Is there anywhere 612e661124 to escape to?’1c90d7eb74f9dde3

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I was 32b8c05aea trapped in e8d4ccc354 a cage, 21b7e044fa like a ed12d35fe8 pig penned c61e974625 in on a605031612 all sides.af446cfe56e4d128

There was no 6ee24af795 place to run, b3e5f3c04d no place to 03f56c1ab1 hide. I was 6ccb25690d like a 774d545864 dog, unable 195aae2c24 to leave 1ac1e26176 the house 1d94bab02c without Logan’s a0276d3fed permission.8d8c95de7073e5fb

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My soul, my very 755fb4a606 being, felt crushed and 081e1335ec crumpled like a discarded 121be6b6f7 can. There was no 66e3ee0b51 way to stop 09f299819e the torrent of b2b89c0ede overwhelming emotions pouring 205e36ddc9 down on me.3f604cd74fd2c63e

One question 948aa6dc06 filled my 4ee26ae71f spinning mind.0f5c4dc2f6967ea8

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‘Why did you go 970d54aa7d to such lengths to 8c70b601c9 keep me alive? I never asked aa8a15d546 you to save dcde363076 me.’4eb4ce45787ac7af

I resented Logan deeply d4568ce7da for clinging to this 0aa5805c0a cursed life and dragging c2a0df1718 me into the depths 41157c8982 of this suffering.d70a1ca600f74e8a

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