65. Because I Don’t Want to Drink from You

The fire roared in 04f576c5e5 the fireplace. I wanted to 0a6ca60dc0 throw the letter 1870708544 into the blazing 098b7ba5d1 logs, but I b859f268e2 resisted.5f67c39f149c4c38

I carefully 8036a2e2e6 placed it d00cf59713 back in 2cf3a9c15f its original a31e100b73 position and d7de5a53c8 closed the 9733eaed6d drawer.2dba52e8c6a9f1b2

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Then I exited e9b672ef0c the office and cc229c3dc0 closed the door e08890b314 as if nothing 56cf3d9db7 had happened.bad7ee3078c049b0

I took a deep 40a67115a0 breath that I had 7e2cd5313f been holding back. I felt dizzy. I leaned against fed0ea744c the mansion’s pillar, 3fc16a1c71 and a cold 2a47470fcf sensation ran up ef4c6cb0cb my spine.ef1bb02182661ed1

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Leaning against the pillar, 6ef11d2561 I tried to catch 023eb46f4e my breath. Even the simple act b6a72c4113 of breathing felt overwhelming. Who would have 65bb155d4a thought the sound 34d1eea2d4 of burning logs 74334f0b0c could be scarier ba43a599d9 than a wolf’s 5dae7e2e82 howl?66aed07925962824

Fear would 97776bc805 continue to 0d68cfcae9 arise.ca50d5288ceaa3e2

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The cheers of 21e4414fdd people, congratulatory delegations, 0b9fa8a91c and soon the c6f1bf4fac wedding songs that 3aae6176e8 would echo. They would become traumas. It was terrifying.7bee008971627d2d

“Milady.”275d033111555255

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I opened c4d2f7d567 my eyes. Edan was walking 8997048ba8 towards me from ed5fbd3ff4 the opposite direction.b35d273e69a3b8db

“Are you alright?”67404053c543d8c9

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His voice c2eacf3e4b was warm. I looked at Edan. He was genuinely worried ff4b5431bf about me.1f1141e9697e89a6

“What do you mean?”0b2cf8cb329c50d0

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I forced 2446971127 a bright 0a640662c0 expression, although f35ba22c8a I knew 7664b9369e what he 232dfc41a1 was asking.4c0d4cdef070dcb8

I nodded.a2c74a31de2b039c

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“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, Edan.”4f8c9379cf9e32f1

“Are you really?”32bbf34b60feec08

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He asked again.8948569106ab4720

How much did Edan’s question encompass?13bfcffbf196451f

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“What exactly are you asking if I’m okay about?”5e711e9e3207c926

Was it just because I didn’t look well?5757ff3787054af4

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He spoke.bc3d141e46f7ea86

“I thought it would be difficult. There have been many changes in the castle.”7b02207ede985a64

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“Changes?”5a04f87cbf5a8b78

“Moving and the series of difficult situations you’ve had to handle.”914614273e29ad31

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“Thank you for worrying, Edan. But I’m really…”15deced588412509

I was definitely fine. But the efc476a3dd moment Edan 398a412662 asked, tears 7d4b6cc600 suddenly welled c33caab2f6 up.02400d7a59b69798

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It felt like he b49f4fbca8 had touched the part bf73fc8ad9 I was trying hard c5cdda0184 to hold back. Like a dam bursting, 989a34e79f tears streamed down my 723aff4c0a face.9339569066636cd0

I couldn’t hold db0e63ec27 back my tears.67ae355e83fe5cda

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Seeing me e4b9adde09 cry so 3e1b75b538 miserably, Edan 45d82c43b3 didn’t know 103227ca9b what to 5c0d449ce5 do. He looked visibly 73784d3697 flustered.35a96ae80ad5b600

I approached 6598080a48 him and 9d666d7dcb leaned into 37b96c992a his chest. It wasn’t e9aadfd07d for a fc87c5fdd9 hug or de8222efc2 comfort. I just wanted to 4ddd23dd13 hide my pathetic crying 298f4e8182 face.1c784e9d0ad2105b

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His chest was clad 9200879d2d in iron armor, making 0deaf2e3a4 it hard and unyielding. Tears couldn’t 05a8e30a98 soak into e100ece43f it. It wasn’t a good 87b2e1d306 environment to cry in, 02143127f4 but I was grateful 6aa93d4ce3 that it hid my 799acc9ee8 ugly face.2443ff1743acdc79

He held me in ce177ed88a his arms without saying 5a8c8280c2 a word, trying to ab97207bc1 comfort me. There were 43436f0748 no soothing bacbded64b words or c6c8f04a21 gentle pats bb0fd85bc1 on the c43094d8ec back. He seemed awkward, 820f501ef2 as if comforting 74fc52c990 a woman was eb27b7f2f7 a first for ec9111f996 him. His rough arms wrapped 3d84ee1dc6 around me, but even b804f39299 that was comforting.c995d34037831359

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Sniffling, I buried 6636bec81b my face in c84a61b5cf his chest. I tried to calm dcd8737cfa myself, but the trembling e8fabceda4 wouldn’t stop.30017230a2b81451

I shrank in bbad1ae414 his arms. With my 7f2f933b3a head buried db14a2e4be in his c5f439928a chest for c31a13e160 a while, baebb477f2 I heard 8886915e64 a familiar a1a6891597 voice from c8df130ecb behind.0fd3a9f9ae906d07

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“What’s going on?”b6533a9d926efc9a

At the 66b03c9f34 end of 177354edc4 the hallway, 4a3695939b standing in b75cf841c0 front of 24f1b4daa2 the door, 5997df8327 was Deon.61d59cdd2539c46e

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I quickly df3d5ea2c0 wiped my 27779f634c eyes. Thankfully, I 57943ab71c was wearing 53ef949610 a long-sleeved 1c75bcc393 dress.9a57b800be0e311f

“There’s nothing wrong.”66bd47799d0c8189

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“Nothing wrong?”6a2f8c18e24de2e0

Of course, 85fd7d5f12 he didn’t e172015ce3 believe it. My eyes 9111315da7 were stinging 60ae961531 from being 05fe5143b1 red. There were still 2a46241f96 tears clinging to ea0599b8ee my lowered eyelashes.e15ee06b6f129ef0

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“What’s going on?”268ad82e1245657c

He gave up 74a7db033e asking me and 1143621d67 turned to Edan. Edan hid the part ad2b7419aa where I had buried a7c099d75a my face with his b3354a930d cloak.3334623f995c0922

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“There’s nothing wrong.”55e749bac640990d

Edan echoed my response.2e8e1f7d1b51c936

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Deon’s brow furrowed deeply.89880c69bb5e8027

While it was a 59fe490ed5 helpful reply for me, bc1712f8f6 I worried for Edan. He remained 3e8df54c8a here to 2f06490a10 serve Deon e9ea2abb9b and was 99f26e694e defying his d67e1accab master’s command. Before the situation could 84bf6fce09 escalate, I reached out b49cb88713 to Deon.d6db87d0734e1bc7

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“Let’s talk inside.”b4cede18e8dc700f

I grabbed d8dbcaad19 his arm 3e0c8b477f and led 83fed632cf him into be096b60ab the office.8f3d98c18660ed0f

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* * *95feac48ab099cec

“So, why were ac1e5a879f you crying?”d1f149a31d99ce0c

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I sat 577b5068bd on the b78b4e49a2 edge of 79a6c0c185 the table. There were fruits on b85e854a54 the table, but I cc63969035 still had no appetite.9e951eff9e985abe

“Why haven’t you been af557172f7 drinking my blood lately?”7d0a620d7672ed36

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Deon paused, his hand f53a476129 stilling as he was 29b87ff761 fastening his cuff buttons, 793591d964 and looked at me.f915f40917d3f5a9

“I asked 34b82f59c9 why you 48a485d1af were crying. Is that the 3e7bde5d62 reason?”61303ba0d3aad5b3

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“I’d appreciate 33944b895c it if 5f2c556086 you were e668f42986 honest with 3653e072e4 me.”0ad722f3bb114a95

“Does it matter? Just tell a1fa8381b9 me why c2f78f6fa2 you were a795ef4144 crying.”ba4ea6acda9c3ccd

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“Please answer first.”1f58d83635280748

Deon silently resumed bbabb141a6 fastening his buttons.2daa3800ed91f364

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The buttons seemed e71bd204f9 to almost slip 8f861e67db into the slit 56414fd5a8 but kept missing.c8f7e8fe9c331d9b

I approached him dac834cb17 and held his bb3e630873 shirt cuff. I wanted an answer ad151e5699 quickly. Deon stopped 1c5aef2709 fumbling with a86bf22da7 the buttons.b3c20e22b01c54f3

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“Why?”b89d73934f5a4240

I repeated 9fcaaa396a my question 6afd079af8 and fastened ba3043d342 the button 3242bd1135 for him. The button was neatly 6b0aad6920 done, but I kept d3486e3797 holding his wrist tightly, 47444f5159 as if urging him d42e98d5c8 to answer.e95f6d34bdbaf8b4

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“Because… I don’t 43a7e2c2dc want to drink 28a329ccbb from you.”29236a9219fae6d4

“Why not?”ff08b0353727befc

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“Does the reason 352c767e7d matter?”5b8e8323f9dc4215

“I want to hear 00e039b463 it.”e9e94513754d33e2

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Our eyes met. His deep ef708aa866 eyes showed 579b9fddad no emotion.c4fd9b8ed26563ad

“I just… don’t a7f35817b5 want to.”139c9ee6cf325c2b

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Oh, I see.918f26065ffa10dd

The faint 3f91d0eea3 hope I 968661bca8 had held fcff0e1cfb dissipated.64009b7ba442925a

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I hadn’t expected him 8e23466968 to say he cherished 731344b5c7 me or that he f661f05b5a refrained from drinking my 7bc745de16 blood because it would 13803bae96 shorten my life. I didn’t expect 43cd7fb74a such kind words, 12f82d3209 but I also 965025f8ac didn’t expect him e6a65a3cfe to say “just” 90c1ac4a48 without any explanation.fda2faf34d6a3e34

I felt foolish f06edb9d68 for hoping for af2cbe165b a sincere excuse.ab9afbf89a5deedc

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“So your 2b59f81f59 tastes have 119e29912d changed?”dac2f37f0669b756

The words came b35b8553d5 out sharply.c6eab090c4ac9b7d

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“Was there b07d1495ba ever a 5eb2dad875 time when b8d9b268d9 I was b4657f6de0 delicious to 97789fc6c5 you? Stop being picky 85e2ec21bd and just drink.”cccde3a7c6f32aa0

He ignored 57686bb116 my words ca2a4e60f4 and walked fc51b4dc5d past me 143c65e8ad towards the bbab1010ba box containing 07b3a537b3 weapons.3c1009fb8072ee3c

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“If you’re worried about Lady Isella finding out, I’ll tell the butler to pick a time when she’s not around. Take care of yourself.”9f10ff68a42dbbc1

His hand, c96d162665 which was 5e7fbdfe7e about to 464e69147f pick up 0a33284014 a black 801516a37a scabbard, hesitated.1c5b7f426f8fcde8

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“When Lady Elizabeth was staying at the mansion, you took blood from me every night without her noticing. Her sister will probably be the same. Siblings often have similar habits. If you’re reducing the amount of blood you take because you’re worried about complications, you don’t have to.”ce164463d9397cd2

I knew it 63dd89ba17 was stubbornness, but 31cb26df77 I couldn’t stop.6fac2ad1ab0471f4

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His expression a557d5e4ea gradually turned c3935aca42 colder.7f49bdca542cd48b

“Wasn’t it better for you that I don’t drink blood?”e1f75cf262a796cb

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I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had no reason to stay if he didn’t need me. That would be truly irreparable.7dcf99cf35e65651

I suppressed 2c01f39454 the words 8fdfdd0720 that were dc22b15be5 on the 8fc59a832a tip of c851f4e4b9 my tongue.c5a0159b6be4e7b4

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“You’ve changed. I wondered if there was another reason.”5de388dbd5773a41

It wasn’t just that he stopped drinking my blood; his attitude towards me had also subtly changed. He was pushing me away.941b3dc04a0196fb

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“I know you’re uncomfortable. I understand that she might be bothering you.”d7aa182f1e8df46b

Deon spoke 953169818d as if 562530ca09 he had 00e1e119b5 seen through 92b4272120 my intentions.4c6f795903b3c3e7

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“What do you mean?”7df59447ec91d654

“I mean Isella coming into the mansion.”765dc9ce3b4fab97

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I thought I 53f2b62fe9 hadn’t made it 86422a8969 obvious.0a790ea8391b7410

I gripped e4683ebd9c my skirt 01879cd7f9 tightly. It felt like my a83557d8ea innermost thoughts had been 0a36b6360b exposed, and my face e0dee8b646 grew hot.4ac9ca5dfa3cf4ab

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“Her presence doesn’t change the mansion. Just go on as usual. Nothing has changed and nothing will change.”6257c623a3569362

Really?fd2891ac58af087f

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I bit my lip cf54aafe10 hard.28a4024cfc29b117

“Are you going to get engaged to her?”f8fea94dd56b9f7d

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The office 1e51b9e248 felt like 390e199020 it froze. An uncomfortable 24a97038ba tension filled e395f5a1bb the air.596451f9abd692d4

His face hardened.b2aa74e9275abc04

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“…Where did you hear that?”6561d00f813a62b9

“I was probably the last to know in this mansion. No, maybe in the entire capital.”590d08a5ef246dc9

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Rumors spread quickly. Scandals even more 46a84055fd so. It might have even 781d9bb8e5 reached the North by 9eef824f2b now.331cfe5994078e3f

“I cried because of that.”f7073bf60fc3e7c9

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“Why?”d5b3ce2914b35ec9

Now it was his 659759e99e turn to ask.2f87042af0ff2865

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“Why did you cry over that?”2e8b5f0f31b92e34

“Deon, do you really have to get engaged?”d478e6181832097c

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I mustered 36945de06b the courage 27d144e82a to say 402a3f8a7f what I cc9a43168a had been 3ed9e241ed holding inside.d2d6eb1be746f0ea

I lifted my 353b6d5554 head and met b2b072ec89 his blue eyes.4d42e337d4bc2e82

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“Can’t you not do it?”d82b21448bba837d

Silence fell. It was so quiet 2d017761f3 I could hear our 7852db070c breathing.8f4247c312ea2bdd

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He put aa29907bab down the a82b280642 sword. His Adam’s apple bobbed.50227201e17366aa

“Leonie, if she makes you uncomfortable…”daa80b215645f1e8

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I anticipated the e850b12674 words that would e21478d777 come from his 7530d9ccff moving lips.449a20f718cc1d5a

Should I move? Should I c78233bd3b fill the 97a7765ee3 greenhouse? Should I send 1e5e3154ee her away?3a4dea09bb7b3b4c

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I tried to ca5c856b87 ignore it, but a807ccb20f there were his 0570e7df4c actions, always considering 247daa6ed7 me to the ceafb3bd5b fullest.15676b4a5db80dc8

As always, just like 89fa52fe8f that.048da200ca2de0b4

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But what d6ee622acd actually came 5565478408 out of d3b6fc48c8 his mouth 88c6b1e3d8 were words cca2f8935c that drove f7db4f40af a wedge cf44a93346 into my c0180bae59 anxiety.e297e044717e2ff2

“Would you like b799723a3c to move to 929dd99300 the annex?”24bc825d75a8c51e

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My heart 152571ceb7 sank with 1a84854069 a thud.a5ee39b951c40f57

I realized.73bd67e4c067b412

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Our contract was solely 92cdc17670 to guarantee my safety 59ba804654 and to pretend to 5e2217bf39 be in love.ec04470c8d1ce961

There was no promise that he wouldn’t get engaged to someone else or guarantee my social status.08ee2558229d6c73

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It was my f43ef7c37f delusion.d8f6aa1a0bb7ca37

I should have remembered.cb1b58fe751d4484

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The reason I c3fa67742a am here is c801bc4af8 to be used e0e0a3cd31 by him.6273af4f5defe801

A source of power. A disposable tool that cef346ac46 will be discarded once 565fd6744a its usefulness is exhausted.36700a99bc3cac89

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These were all the f8da89d98b words that defined me.558f321db3812a04

The reason 1ddb5712bd I stay 2c773be32e here is 5582032b17 not because 430689b88c of emotions, 4081a8bf6b and the db99f8bf18 reason he 47e9d9a438 keeps and 7588d59fd1 protects me 2fe172bac0 is not 89567f90ef because of 3ccd606b37 some trivial 6958f13994 love affair.c215352db8e72afd

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It’s because of the blood he needs from me.551c01c15768c37c

There was no 7905f076d6 right I could 6b6648bcf7 claim from him.7212dc2ed40787cc

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My body trembled slightly. I clasped my bdb1015f59 hands together to 809d496790 calm my shaking 38d3392a8f hands.bca89cb05d4ec317

My mind cooled 2fdbfeb773 down.194ef79007099336

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“…Shall we do that? Where is the annex?”ae14ec89bc25c840

“On the outskirts 865923536f of the capital.”6656b3883e9b485e

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“…How far is it?”e171f81c1d06a106

“About seven hours by 102301694f carriage.”1b66bc8d83066f73

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“By horse?”a62c638c29a8659a

“If you ride fast, 75eb35c779 about three hours.”9fcedcb876a24228

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“I see.”fd040287bbf78bef

Oddly enough, 7239ae8034 hearing his aaec95e989 words, my 81580209cc confused mind 192d203520 became calm. My emotions quickly a99310cf95 settled.26898248d2feceb4

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The chest 31a8780206 that had d4c691ee0f been rising 3e8c63de95 and falling 0a047b9a40 violently also aa68be0842 gradually calmed 89571fcd77 down.541ddab479c37234

“When should acbb769905 I leave?”06bde0a10db71d5f

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“Whenever you want. It would be 0b791fc795 good to pack c3d7555871 with a kitchen 4e14d072df maid and a e25eed3d2d few new guards. If you select 01eb3887f9 about twenty servants ec59cef83f you like…”ba1634782985b168

“No, I don’t need 0025e1a9e6 many. Five will be 8caf27a9bb enough.”de2cf280ef227b65

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Two kitchen maids, two 42b10f610b guards, and a laundry 5124f6b58c maid. Five people were enough 8895f4f41e for the bare minimum.186d00a4cc9c643c

If it’s an annex, it’s just a nice way of saying that I’m being banished to the outskirts. I couldn’t take everyone to the annex.c652cb4a4530dbe1

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“Five is not enough. You need to have guards, even if you don’t like it. Don’t refuse that.”54526eb834d6a504

“One guard, Edan, is enough…”c7e1c6514b11712e

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I stopped speaking. He intended to e5f95b9eb3 exclude Edan from 4a62af1649 the guards.141d8fec3e065485

Edan too… Now there was no surveillance.4c8ff1a470ee5b1d

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It was d3ac53dbec like being ba4de07948 completely unchained. I touched my f070bae486 neck with my 7e6b918764 fingers.8b4344fe66ac4e47

The tightening rope was 05376cd586 gone, but it felt 6d16add463 as if my throat d668f7276a was being squeezed instead.65b4489c2072d15f

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“I’ll do that.”0f3c04222cf51fff

“If it makes 6959f19420 you uncomfortable, you 0a2e900568 can leave tomorrow. But take your b2b0d98ee2 time to think 0408e3dc5f it over.”0a40b25969b17197

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Tomorrow.97dbeb5c193136e2

As I suspected, a991af5f17 he seemed to c73a48f233 have no regrets.05357e1e6f2ad327

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“Then what 34ea2750d3 about the 5d364fbae4 blood?”b4ee0683b6ff5887

“For now, I don’t need it. There won’t be any war. If an urgent need arises, I’ll send the butler, Bitterna. Though that probably won’t happen.”2d4316b4db9e3a83

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“I’ll think effb83e1b8 it over 30c5f95825 slowly.”2b443fd290a08eb4

I didn’t want to leave. Now that the leash had loosened, there was nowhere to go.7261ad0aa6871e91

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If he lets me go, if I can escape, should I go to Baron Sien’s estate?c424c60f4de47009

I shook my 94fe715271 head.3b0e25eb2d26c400

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Considering what 34bfbc4f10 they did 554d63a2da at the 0ba3324999 birth banquet, a1dddc35e2 they would f8a8a76050 sell me 58cfd95357 off again 142e6f0506 to anyone 10c7270de6 who offered e29228f717 money. Before sending 0b9947fbf7 me to cb2073520c the North, 553115bd0b they tried 462f54d754 to marry a49124d0f8 me off 395a33243d to a 515d957a8b rich merchant bc4623506b by force.e44e382ac0c897bc

What about Philip?fcddfc09e2d940a4

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Philip’s trade guild is just getting established, so it’s unstable. He would welcome me, but it would be difficult.8a5c5e09bf9209d6

Moreover, even though he’s an old friend, I don’t really know him. If we stayed together, my identity would surely be exposed soon.56d70324e1a09550

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I should organize my 8b33f767d7 thoughts after moving to 239717aa8b the annex.1af84a8260b6d176

 69335680fc4340e6

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