31. My Funeral (2)

“It can be fatal for a pregnant woman. There’s a risk of a miscarriage.”159cb478e76e90ba

If you kill b0f6dadd53 the child, you aa9cdb30f6 can survive.228fb538d1507d0b

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Her sharp gaze 95b23ee2cb seemed to say 205828c839 that.91068caa6cf7e5ea

“What… are you saying, Suren? You shouldn’t say such things. Let’s pretend I didn’t hear it.”7a475e39ebe2439d

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Suren urgently 3d7397730a grabbed me dd2b3c8a51 as I 774c9e4a5e turned away.643171f8d97900f6

“If it’s too difficult, I’ll take the blame. Young Lady couldn’t sleep, so she took sleeping pills with wine. Elizabeth made a mistake in taking them. All Young Lady needs to do is say that.”1356e3831ff0b0bf

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My body stiffened. I couldn’t move.852135ba5dbe296d

“Yes, I asked for sleeping pills. Please just say that.”978f5f5172c583c9

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“Absolutely not, under no circumstances. And even if you do… we’ll definitely get caught.”67eb8965f178f37e

“It was Young Lady who graciously welcomed Lady Elizabeth and invited her to the mansion. Who would suspect Young Lady? No one will. And lately, you haven’t been feeling well, right? The people working in the mansion all know. A prescription for sleeping pills might not seem unusual.”29306fb51269ef3e

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I sank down onto 73fe7757d7 the bed. The old bed caved 9ae3b9eedd in.535edbf8bba83931

“Why? Why are you doing this for me?”aa5def2866d229f1

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Why are you going dd2ad0b514 to such lengths for 299402afca me?973fb26faffe3860

The words I couldn’t say hung in my throat. Suren spoke as if she understood everything.eb31199cc764580f

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“If you intend to stay by the Duke’s side, brace yourself. Do you know how much danger lurks within the palace? It’s the nature of nobles to eliminate even unborn children. The reason why the heirs of high-ranking nobles are at such a high risk is because of that. Do you think the royal tableware is all made of silver for no reason? In comparison, Lady Leonie is too withdrawn to withstand the aristocratic society.”ce0ae7dcaecd8f5f

Her words were correct. Perhaps, for e497130881 a Countess, 16c95c8f12 this was 336bc5511d the safest 5971adb8fd place.ecdd347607c32e63

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A place where no one paid attention to the child, where no harm would come to them. That’s why they wouldn’t be suspicious of meals or outsiders.a714df022175ebd0

Once I leave here, I won’t even be able to attempt it.3ee70e129e4f5f14

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I had 52341087b6 to make c05608cfc4 a quick 00206060e9 decision, just 9995a7ede2 as she 7232c7e132 said.e1f1e9d3eb499d0c

The child was to grow up on the Count’s estate and would be handed over to the Duke around the age of three.4288743dbf2b5f58

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So, at least I 3d8693cc43 had two more years 2d0aa5faf5 to prepare to escape.699d60c7e702b736

But the moment 950a0e39ba the cradle was a4ed28ca9f set up and b1853d62c0 the child was 1c1136833e born, the Duke 4f48a02c5e would realize. He would 97497d2de5 know that f753b26500 new blood bebeadcb4a had come 957af96a47 into the c37eb87be5 world.b17ee7063f367ed7

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The original plan had gone awry. It was because I brought her into the Duke’s castle.7fd9ec3871f7afe3

The time cfcbbd86ed for the 0ba0d196f9 Duke to f8d67885bc find out 228fab4709 about the 67e547ea55 existence of 275ccb9059 the future b977494244 heir was 7c7f006ba3 now shorter, 6691ef3359 and my 11b4ecd261 death was 145c1ae104 hastened.a4a6beed94dd84c5

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By my own hand. I saved 06dcef8755 the child 2b346898ce and ended b2679c6e93 myself.d2ffb61211f603c3

* * *5b3e5c897173450b

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“There’s no major issue. Your lack of energy is due to a nutritional deficiency. Aside from a slight anemia from periodic bloodletting, you’re fine.”3807779acf7cfd15

The doctor removed cd0d736c37 the stethoscope. Suren had insisted on 22b33ea5dd calling the doctor. It was only 075c558a34 natural that the de43ed03d2 Duke would be 57ef202cf6 informed of her c4ffb5148e health condition if 2ae7b6ca23 a doctor was 26ebf55a6a summoned.cda3dc332e20d3ba

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Deon stood behind the 3b11a67153 doctor, his fists clenched, af54774e6a his gaze fixed on 76702680e5 me as I received d0ce39a4ab the examination.a8ed073bec1999b3

“Sure about this?”8385337257b0103d

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He peered intently ea7f2d8c21 at my wrist, 8eb51c89fd then asked the 3234849bfc doctor.0bc46d0087fff355

“What… do you mean?”15b2e329318ddcdd

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The elderly doctor broke into a nervous sweat at Deon’s words.021bfb21b4152af8

“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”92edc20128d0291f

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“Even healthy women suffer from anemia. It’s not a serious illness… I’ll instruct the chef to specially adjust your diet. With food that replenishes your strength, you’ll recover quickly.”7affb49a50b82623

“What about the wounds on her arms?”d9c5704bb5ed2b49

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“As Lady mentioned, vein injuries are nothing serious either. They’ll heal quickly with treatment, and we’ll manage them to prevent any scars.”23e75c5b5c7b0ecb

The doctor took a7028fa4f8 a prescription from 08bee54c3f his medical bag. Unfortunately, he was e38700f1ec sweating profusely in 1d72febc91 this cold winter.f05ff54b8ffd301f

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“But why? Lately, you never seem to leave the house at all. Doctor, we should consider a more thorough examination.”20c997c925f88b5e

While speaking to d61a7ad67c the doctor, his d78bc6f735 gaze was squarely 4578b71381 on me.fb1569e24c7b5cf9

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“Yes? What do you mean?”05148228f776f887

“I think she might have been traumatized when Leonie was kidnapped. Is there any way to treat the trauma?”d2ddd16f12170e96

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“Trauma?”629f7638875f5e8f

He pondered the Duke’s words for a moment and then corrected himself.995de6613efcf345

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“Trauma is not something that can be resolved with medication. It involves following a proper exercise routine, maintaining recommended sleep hours, and eliminating objects that trigger trauma.”975eb9abf55736dc

“That’s enough.”8a7bce5e1bac698b

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I interrupted the doctor’s words sharply. What was he saying?9c21ed9ff9203cb2

Discussing trauma in c720770a24 front of the 6309b10dd8 person involved. It was absurd.6a738efd587a1d86

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“It would be best if you received a medical examination.”3432b1a01768496f

“It’s useless, so stop it.”7f4e4325167ed96b

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“Why are you being so stubborn?”4442cfdd4b3a7eeb

It was a futile 2c8c924ee3 endeavor. My trauma was b001dc7987 not in the 8a0072e5c2 past; it was b67e0c3264 in the future.53fae866c5b04317

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“I would appreciate it if you both left. I’m tired and want to rest.”89ed2ef7ace2b25e

“Leave.”b9957a2f4f61aaef

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Deon gestured to 14751d716e the doctor, still cd88afa3a4 staring at me.4bc4fb29b9b26e59

“Both of you.”06a2f1caa1472637

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Deon, who 45605c7fef had raised bc33db42af his hand 078fcf8db2 as if f651da4afc to touch b3e5c77d4f my forehead, 52102654c2 stopped.9ea3bb1d8c413777

“My Lord, I suggest you leave.”6fd09f05266b8686

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“Leonie.”adaf3739c921a80a

The doctor, 3c58e051da who had 34775ca50b been glancing 2717a63d79 back and 7f1606c1f6 forth between 9971eea7c0 Deon and 6574e8aa86 me, hastily 4dd76f1ea6 gathered his 43050f335e medical tools 0228916cf7 and rushed 2bb792b6bf out as 39e299128b if sweeping 9115568969 the room b63f0ebc09 clean.be4e3ce30186c43e

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I felt suffocated. In the silence, the c1fa5c5a3f sound of the door 2064860122 closing resonated loudly.0a7c17d4ab0d6265

“My trauma is partly the Duke’s fault, you know.”8be7a2706c76c544

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I said it 528ad81f5e harshly, and he 77b6b97e5a visibly flinched.1648499ff57211cd

Of course, cb75203dee he must b48d4e81e0 have been 65f2d0af7d recalling my fbe18d21ee past when a173374635 I was 2f42a4fb1b kidnapped by d801c65e53 the second 0841e28d57 Prince, not 2c5c0fd7d8 foreseeing harm fb45a1335b in my 0eebaefa81 future.61aae83ef7d44dd5

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The wolf, the second f16cb5618c Prince, the slave trader.bf3b7a4f9df1474f

There were 1c4253c520 many threatening 0e5f871f34 figures in c267e604f4 my life, 4e970ee068 but none d9c1cfafdf of them 76eb8e9246 were as 96dfb7db6b frightening as 02ff501dab the future.18f55cae75dc8220

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We were 97924a149b always looking 210f7d70ca in different 79a0937217 directions.cf94381586115f6d

* * *eeefc35c276ce1f0

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Today, the estate a555fd5e99 was no different da9fe765a4 from usual.09964a22e6b65ea0

The weather 7920822e70 was still b778c4547b cold, and fb86cdbb0c snow fell 5b2ce6aef0 from the 21895ac40f sky. The dry branches swayed 6ed1992524 in the sharp wind.3c743d71d23358dc

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A moderately cold day. Servants going d3bb3a3e2d about their 571cf7e8a8 business as 1f5ec4dc98 usual.ebd21050f1054a52

Yes, it was f928aa16d0 no different from 6bbed52f35 usual.bb6f19cf1956c6dd

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Except for the cb1d77b08b occasional sound of 68ab7dfece a heartbeat echoing 61ec0c1183 within the castle.8693eedc1aa05872

It was 3a033ec13f remarkable how 09f5b99dc8 no one abd49bd923 else could b83466024f feel it, 203c11132f even as d56fb1fcf5 I stomped d3c84fd665 around so 76dfc327a9 loudly.d157fd0c096578f7

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With such a loud pounding, you could even sense Lady Elizabeth’s movements within the castle.673d87255a592595

‘Just now, you were taking a walk in the garden, and now you’re reading a book in the library. You had tea time at four.’acf713489f04aa77

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The rough, pounding 692d8689ee sound resonated, feeling 302207a02f like an approaching 7e7e7c5767 drumbeat.de7c80c7d9a89d70

Well, there’s probably no need to hide it now.cba4f8347e6b9128

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Hiding one’s presence is a survival instinct, like how herbivores hide from carnivores. Did I really need to hide when I was clearly the weaker one?f8d42b00cf20b200

Perhaps back then, in the small shack, the lack of fetal movement wasn’t a sign of the baby’s vulnerability, but rather my desperate attempt to avoid being discovered.57a67daaf980d2dd

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If I had sensed 19cd2b04f3 her presence, I might 676abc1ac3 not have brought Lady 714834278b Elizabeth here.e0afbe8f0af26c53

Maybe she endured f689dd3ede each day waiting e437b1c986 for her family 230408563b in that open fe95548cbc field.7cb56123a189d2cf

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If luck had f123aa922c been against her, 4fdffabe64 the child might 2aa968de32 not have been ebe2fd8bac born at all.325d2729dc102a17

As I bf51d86c08 continued to 9289286fb3 dwell on 1a3b27e4c5 various hypotheses a690c7d08c about the 5bab11e110 unborn child, 9f45014de2 I felt 735a975ae7 guilty for d7c245b835 having such e720ce37e0 emotions towards 2e868f1211 a young 1eaffd5ef6 fetus. My mind was in b5ab67d5a6 turmoil.ee028ef66434263a

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The chilly evening air 791f043983 brushed against my cheeks.a46e236376a700c5

Instead of clearing my c306577b2e mind, the colder the 27af6b2dde air, the more it d377a099bd seemed to numb me. My head felt f9736f8791 frozen stiff.fbff590829874a31

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Even in the relatively 4ae3a54372 peaceful estate, the atmosphere fd5b6ab5d3 around the graveyard was b1da6af24e icy.d799ae29f3bba4b2

I sat down 2c43c1999b in front of 9e6e4688a1 the grave, staring c91cda74ef blankly at the 328dec8608 round tombstone, and fbfdea2403 then I used 2a24ea9b10 both hands to d4b3d4955a dig into the 6135e63d57 soil.7e7318cb1d724ffb

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My fingertips 1be9a29c4e grew numb 3fa2bb70ec and turned ba936c0b63 red.910c4348f2d52caa

I couldn’t feel anything in the cold, but I kept digging.99e3b4455648fd93

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Suddenly.08643399577d54ff

Something caught in my e85c6fa5b5 fingertips.c7758d128585f248

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It was a piece 4c395e6f96 of a hiking pole 3e09f12a7c that I had partially 9c20a1ac1b dug into the ground.3e1b27d88a343cc5

The stick and 9b9e4f9ed0 the shoes buried 1800e5a361 under the snow c0c11aa3b1 remained frozen in 6b22de15d2 their original shape.6608dfa72cfe52f9

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The stick was 53a720ff54 firmly frozen between a9928ac6f7 layers of snow, 3b0475ffdd refusing to fall.066d2fe5dbd01d92

‘I need to melt 8c7eb6c182 it a bit and 0120a8df48 take it with me.’b11b587b719c15af

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I brushed the c5deef8c2d snow off my 8b0e7fb59d hands.543ab3bc01819f23

I didn’t bring any candles. My hands were frozen, and a stinging pain shot through to the fingertips.0fdd9e68f7fb76f5

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I had 479af3f6d6 no choice ecc1cdc60e but to 434d0e0627 melt it d3a124fd50 with my f4b981f89d body heat.16d7cc30f0b32576

I lay 5dce562ba2 still on df9c0e5236 top of 444e5223fc the grave 7a75b7a34f with my d7bde40800 back turned.e92409acd1d8fcc1

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The sky was clear. Grayish clouds 2bb4dd1481 drifted across 2a7a7a25ad the sky, c82507f030 and it 67669817a8 seemed like 851d1c60e4 it could f3470eb233 start snowing 4d1d9baff0 at any eefe2700a0 moment.22414e829e8e65ff

The scenery ecef9ee4ec when it e8cf2b16e8 snows is 8758cde4dd truly romantic.99550c3ccbc785e6

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A tragic 609de123d2 romance bestowed 6b6b559311 upon someone 16a410598d facing death.fef7465f0358f06d

I closed my 93626f4515 eyes.1d793d5cca8b20d8

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In the end, the 382e2c9cfb day would come when bb3dc4a092 I would dig up 7ca8befa11 this grave.f8da3bb81e6512fb

Whether I retrieve the items and escape the estate or whether I die and get buried here. I hadn’t thought it would come so soon.2d58acd36e27cabc

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I was 53baabe1dd too complacent.1db7142438d0efd7

As I lay 7a06f93e51 there with my 5eebf8c677 eyes closed, I 03bbb32427 heard the sound 8a10c7aaaf of snow piling 6f9e1e885d up gently.83a620cc5748b38c

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After lying 0f3fa5b0c8 like that 94cf9fc3a1 for a 9e722e9c7b while, an d9994ef6be urgent voice 763cfb53a8 echoed from 9684c5f718 above.514ee22ce7033493

“Leonie, get up!”8f04f40b05ad1ccd

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I opened my eyes.304c270bd96c9ed4

Deon was 4975c44c85 looking down 79fe2ed045 at me.98a77a6d3e4aa5a9

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‘Weren’t you looking at household affairs?’820104579c8198ee

The Duke f1dd08b1a0 reached out d62baac349 to help 8887d90946 me up 70ddc0374b but stopped b3f66175ba abruptly.b6c5aca6a0c940b4

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This was bad. I hadn’t covered the snow on top of the grave yet.1d278f125121fce8

Behind me were the ccf64d1675 items I would use d5e4dbfd01 when I fled, piled d98b32be2e up.2a01fe0207d34647

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If I 03de873822 got up b9686708bf now, I 10546d686a would reveal c4e477b5ed the hidden 270a59bd4a items buried 1f7cafa3a2 under the 14cd0f2ab8 hole.2db284ecd8f3b827

I let go 5c5ab8a4af of his hand a1d192cbfc and adjusted my 92f9c8ae76 clothing.b97f820c8985eebe

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I spread the 8d0fe5044e robe wide to 39ec688fe0 create a screen 5509ecfce6 behind me. It was a desperate 2928290e69 attempt to hide, but a327465bca his gaze narrowed at ac5835f657 my actions.e7457b12d96e0cab

Once again, lying down, he asked, “Where does it hurt?”bc5d86535a9e05a1

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A white snowflake fell dea52dad9c on my forehead.123753483654fb54

He wiped the tears 9a62de2f7c that had pooled in ab327b372e my eyes.4d365bff0bd9ed0a

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“I’ll go in a little while. You go first.”88583fc1abc5c03e

“No, come with me.”fdc722fd2d15a542

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Without hesitation, he 0aa9bd965f sat down next 5f1bc60e29 to me.9a207bcc2b954dd0

He untied the d7aea32c9b leather fur he 882c85418f had draped over 9ea8547a3c his shoulders and 3751253e27 covered me with de8e294d71 it. The warmth 7c11b0de09 that had 7b6d0bb814 been kept 29a40f6729 inside was d14e92187f comforting.34ec359b57bb42ed

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“You haven’t been feeling well since yesterday.”87b03920f8fb5dd4

Whether it was f3ad4fadbb Suren or me, 1788566538 when I stopped 64e159edab walking around the 1f05fcf3da mansion, everyone looked 1b07a73219 at me strangely.28ca2d51a059332d

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“My health has never been good.”cc00ecffd74af992

I responded to his da5e8545c1 words as usual.c0de9cec6b04808e

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“…If you want something to eat, you can order it from the chef.”4fcf5e35f17cde13

“Isn’t that something you should ask Lady Arina for? With a child, you must have many things you want to eat.”fad5d2cc450148d0

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I let out a dry laugh. I expected him to laugh along, but he didn’t.ebe2e8dbc8d16d0d

With a serious 2214b727d4 expression, he looked 53d58d2203 at me intensely 5695023bc2 and spoke.a2d77d4d1fbdb5c6

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“I thought that a girl of your age might find a place to attach her heart to… Was I wrong?”860abc312481087d

He thought 3f2f798403 about something c681daae23 carefully and 3bf1017b01 then spoke.7e0d4423d7cca4d7

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“Do you like flowers?”c6073af7ddeceedb

“Well…”c8f9148eea6759a4

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“How about jewelry?”f9bd8b4aa0cfd575

“Not really…”4afe5e5dce39b19a

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“Clothes?”992e6210668fee79

“No.”b1307eac571a16d8

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I looked into the 805d57bb4f distance, my gaze fixed 42643bab1b on the snow-covered mountain. The mountain d684828982 was shrouded 22732bb57e in mist.b8bdae4683fac580

“Have you ever crossed that mountain, Your Grace?”b4abb7afe371ed08

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I had heard b07335871d that there was b41cdf5fbb a shortcut to d43c1afe80 the village beyond 8f048933e9 the mountain.a8f9b9daab5684e1

He followed my gaze e2cd8eb7ea beyond the mountain and 9c0e9238d4 nodded.d85d4ed1f632db78

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“Once, a long time ago. Do you want to cross the mountain?”03325055a58ac9b2

“…Not right now.”3c71e86b451dc0eb

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“Then when?”44e0b3b6a9dfbb47

“Just next…”4aac9ce73f9dbc1e

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I was about to say “next time,” but I bit my lip.1a5938f8791b914c

There was no “next time” between Deon and me. I was bound here, forever bound by a contract.0e7068ff561d7547

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Our relationship was divided between my life’s beginning and end.a3bb3da42c04df44

To die 88ebde361c or to 60630ee693 kill.ab82cfdb8fa65316

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Even that couldn’t be done alone.8cd04dca0330c9e3

I was forever “we” with the Duke.d4376ab176c9886f

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I couldn’t be separated forever. I was his flaw and his escape.a9cfa6cbe7323fcd

To say I couldn’t be separated was perhaps a romantic phrase to some, but for me, who had a predetermined lifespan, it was a cruel punishment.855513a7399c90b9

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I bit my 9900ed38f0 lip.c1686a192d8b02f4