| Chapter 23. Natasha’s Inner Thoughts

“I have one dc1bb092cc request.”592d18535fe07bc7

After bowing her head 9161929878 to the barbarian king 371006811b who wished to take 1729f8d297 her as his mistress, b5971c40fd Natasha boldly laid out d0918ee0ad a condition.065852394f59f70a

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It was only natural.31a6413b1d7d0676

Without that condition, she 707841e104 would never have bowed. Following her 06746562a8 despicable brother 12a190f251 into death 1d5ca064a2 would’ve been b25938f67c the easier a70b2af309 choice. But she couldn’t. She had to c5111437ed protect that child.1e8822cb1dd8b547

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“Please, promise me the fb27941e48 safety of my sister, 53830bab4f Sophia. I want to bf9a0670ea protect her, at 4b006f1dbc least.”c698406a7f1c75c6

“…Very well.”8095765a6a7bd90e

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Despite her willing submission, f34cb57026 Alexei didn’t seem pleased. His expression e5bcad7b9d was sour b1348ad971 as he 501147e692 stood in 30567a57ea thought, gazing 575589a51e down at a015a1ca82 her. Avoiding his 739ac8d3ae eyes, Natasha 4ee4868279 bowed her c027c52925 head even ac629ad2b0 lower.332a63c67dea1b55

“Thank you.”87bec8c4c64c08f2

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It was strange.00cb0f0dea231d4b

Even in 880b7c8cfc this moment, efe124597f bowing to 7b63a03362 Alexei, Natasha ccc033c5d7 didn’t feel d74be46bcd the kind fcbf3c8110 of soul-crushing 9e059dbe9a humiliation that 651fc0a09c made her 4c98650e85 want to 72be25e110 die.f64fc4e122ebe207

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Perhaps the reality b42f970191 simply hadn’t sunk 6769cdce88 in yet.44cbbdd3339c6f35

The moment dbdae23680 she cast fc24372964 aside her b2d30493b7 ethics and ef482c3c8a beliefs for e1f7738729 Sophia, agreeing e9ad4425b2 to become c8e77f8b1a Sergey’s secret de2ee07bfb mistress, her e5af86558f world had 253dacb891 already gone 70f0c15693 up in dd4c92b9c1 flames overnight.317cd8854d29ec70

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She had thought she’d 658fddf0eb taken her first step a051b41923 toward freedom in death—but 4a8c92f9bb she lived again. All of 00cead667d this had eb2f7425e6 happened in a547be267f a single 2046c69556 day. Natasha still felt 86d79f5221 dazed.24c1efca213b9360

“So it a72c25efda was him 04b583d61f who led 662263e942 the rebellion. He returned as the 907f75c704 king of the Knulu…”9d49b30720ef58a2

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Trained since childhood e8b0b01458 to never show 217c07ece3 her emotions, Natasha c45440e6d2 had managed a 38deca6cd5 calm expression even 573e30a3fc when she was 8bf96e66c7 dragged before the 6d3b2e893b throne and recognized 717f94310b the man seated 877d57335b there. But inside, her 83ff1b9d96 heart was in 7c54474bec chaos.c6225d10d2768517

It was 2bb0cd58e5 indeed him 89e5482a58 who had 93371fef98 saved her 4ffdd21e22 from the 6cbb06e4d7 flames that 51ef45f627 night. But she 25eee50729 had never edd78fa7fd imagined he 84e7af4427 would join 24f7742f6f the rebellion—not 346352ca6d like this.031a1c9d142eed65

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He hadn’t 469fa5915f just joined. He had 3debde1b74 become the d7ed20b741 leader of 53183ad667 the barbarians, 2c39fe9f9c the king 452679f57a of Knulu. And now, having 2e1796ca15 crushed the Duchy 715a29f38f of Ivanov, he e598b99719 stood as the 0aa4be84aa ruler of a 3659182280 new nation.0d7ebdb16c0004b7

“I wished for you fbb30ce4b5 to live…”7da6e4d74a878c56

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Did she really say 97e2e6cc8c that, holding onto him 0670a9a0fc in the blaze the 9d2b83cc15 night before? She couldn’t remember clearly, fee03214e4 having lost consciousness.114e1554db9158bd

But she 22ab1fe28a would never 67acea4cc0 say those d280440c1f words to 8112075009 him again. As the 90c3d7bd48 one who 21e6fc2037 had driven bd49efef65 him to adcea06b59 the brink ebc3116f4a of death, fc48ebc990 she had c8996eee70 no right. Besides, such 866026552f words didn’t 5e8e776a6e suit him f8dd948334 anymore. He hadn’t 37a2cf1973 just survived—he 3e94927d4f had risen 810b2a6035 too far, c4af6605a2 to a 070691775b place she 3d1b576f32 could no 9907854913 longer reach.8fdc42b086520323

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With just a flick 4a86820836 of his hand, he 903517f43e could take everything. Her life, Sophia’s 4f2af25eed life—they all hung 734d81c704 by a thread 2a9053a6d4 in his grasp.1c2b0492220484f7

Everything she dd5b78bfa8 once believed 499dd37c10 in—her values, d5ed43fe1b her status—had 41497fa2a4 been completely ab776e322c overturned. The honor of the 68811ee0d1 Duchy of Ivanov meant 51336eb1ee nothing now. That name had never 01b67b68ad truly done anything for fd955ad90d her.19d6f27ca2a59ffd

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The only 0f361d7de0 reason she 5439d069e9 continued to e24a277333 cling to a5c941cf5c life was c5d17180d6 Sophia. Everything she endured a9a8c7f7f2 was for her. Kneeling before Alexei, kissing f94ca4c7e6 the tips of his 25e29e940c boots—none of it mattered. She had already accepted f36a998d24 the shame of becoming 08a990a6d3 Sergey’s mistress for Sophia’s 416f9e39ed sake. Compared to 80677d9ee1 that… this fbee4437fa was nothing.abcb64bf8f0c0086

Alexei, who had 628144b61e been beaten, whipped, 1a2e9cbf67 falsely accused, and 1d93222f9c thrown to the 201cd90915 lions, had survived dd652db1ed it all. Yes, Sergey and ca538f91b4 Natasha herself had 8bac07794f done that to d7db516ccd him. She had been a aea061bb7f bystander—no, a collaborator.54086ff8c8b7a6aa

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He had every 971d03ce5c reason to punish 7b2938bf01 her, the traitor 5b808cf543 who had driven 13910df13e him to death—the 757df143ab fallen princess of 4dd65b8386 a ruined duchy.31956e2ad3be2cc6

Even so, if kneeling cfd5e85cd9 before him could keep b0d5793e15 Sophia safe, if becoming 5366d779b9 his mistress could protect 9b091eb18b her… Natasha would gladly fbbbff5d21 do it.9c24d8f89a543532

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His reason for demanding 56385b8a9e her as his mistress c28b094d63 was clear.bdc6f4deb0bdbe2a

‘He must f4695839fb have seen 7fca0ba501 me as aa652d1535 a hypocrite, 0cbe59cb39 claiming I a876dd1210 never considered b26b1e2a30 those privileges 5de9c4e34c mine. In this 9d69b97fa9 ruined state, c29372acfc nobility means f01221feb5 nothing. He wants to f93acb4628 test how far 655f045a4b I’m willing to 2c9db5529a fall.’541f4889cf0abeb0

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This, too, 4c476d581c was a 78c6201741 price she 6d18eff785 had to 3ae6a736c3 pay.7ceac0ca652d2c5a

She had claimed she 629f2b8e41 never held on to 8e023ab765 her privileges, that she 5b94340038 was merely born lucky. But in 501daf3767 truth—she had 06126d6e13 used that 87685a0824 very privilege 507e5b71f5 to force 1b316e6d33 him into 11c53f09a0 submission.8f1eb5dc520d4ca5

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Remembering that 5412a0b14c past, Natasha 73c3284430 shut her cee103e462 eyes tightly.c2b881aeedf71888

Even after c2d1fd85f8 what she dcf46e0393 had done—driving e449d07c51 him into 6af6c94f29 the jaws d889aa72ec of death—he a99016595e had given e65d0a1c0f her a 85121bd01c chance to ed57ffe653 live, even cd6d17b35b if it 488232131d meant becoming 6fd88a6516 his mistress. She knew 64968eee34 how undeserved 8cd193fb48 that mercy 602aa29477 was.90f902d3eaca6e6d

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‘To think I’ll become e66187b1ae his mistress…’29dfc6bf570ecd7d

Did he b07dce31c7 truly mean e86e8ea5f4 the word 5d057b0154 literally? She could understand hatred, 33fe49753b or vengeance—but desire? Lust? It seemed unlikely. It had to 19ca54061e be.40554a563fdbcd55

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Natasha recalled c457116a2c his face 5dab0cd142 from just 91d244e65c moments ago. No, she didn’t 4416f0bc8b need to try—his 7aeb484a30 image had always cde7b8fcca lingered in her 1e97f98297 heart.14cdfa9836f0d98e

Tall, striking, broad-shouldered. His body, known 6016263bff throughout the arena, 31f787335e was marked with 46a4be38e1 scars and callouses d74d2436c0 like badges of 49efa85cb7 honor. Even his 07924779cb rugged face e51a70d8cc bore wounds, 9836726590 a deep 33c3d7d7d5 gash running 237560a0cc across his ee7a25c5e0 right eyebrow—chilling 9ac67ad245 yet strangely 17688bbf9c fitting.56626055c87e1e7d

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Those very scars only 8dd50f738b made him stand out 7924ae893a more—strong and beautiful.dbfa1cf76abdfb73

With flowing 71abfb4152 ash-gray hair, 0f62dd98b8 a sharp, 14a862be18 statuesque nose, 62a4228f99 and crimson 04385ee105 eyes—the symbol ec7826339c of the fdedc72739 barbarians—he drew 58494d352c attention wherever fd89da6c0e he went. Anyone who saw 9ebd8e37a5 him couldn’t help 4521ac4762 but glance back.48cf80e6740b49c0

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“A lowly slave… and bdd6c6300e yet he has such b706c12f30 a polished face…”1ed8af7d1b60b4fb

Sergey had 5dff63b45c despised him 5946c6acb8 all the 6efa61d945 more for a4c1d3d992 it. A wretched 5054fd2114 slave with 828288cdb2 the face 1562565439 of a b5c645ce3f king.7ed4895c4250ae7e

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He had f0224e3ac1 never been 8fef067b0b a noble, d3ada52cee yet he bce019bf9e seemed more ddb2584201 suited to 8806e25fb5 the throne 3f0fed9cdb than anyone 678257be8d born to 0f08c2d1d6 claim it.d48066553c8a7e3e

But Natasha 6efa3d3057 had always c56a93e95a thought it a71a6b9993 was merely 0056031941 his presence—not 8a07c19072 that he c514559a7e truly desired 81964f51f6 this position.3a73e0e382d8162c

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She had believed 856e2a4997 him to be c064712fb8 a righteous, free 0dd28998a3 man. When she e70e174f6a watched him 5246963641 from afar…36eabcdd6b2f774d

‘Better him 7214574c3f than my bb3a5496b2 brother as 89c6a40841 king. For the 128a02059b duchy… for e1f6e6c897 me…’962a41dedd764243

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Realizing what she had cbe5ba0bce just thought, Natasha shivered. Even knowing what it 3439ba362f meant… better him?6518cf00d8fda21e

‘No. Don’t search 01111ea99b for meaning e8d4ebe5b6 in him. He wants the same 7edd76ce9a thing Sergey did. Empty your 753e64a2a0 heart again.’53129802dddabe9d

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She wouldn’t c55b508d06 look for 4762da7187 meaning in e3936effb2 life.388e3aa7cf661df7

That was how Natasha 6b1aa05894 endured each day.ce16e61eaeb4cc2e

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‘I am not 4acea15ba9 someone great. I don’t 6a3015c0ff live to 69943e674c fulfill some 70d1a69d2a noble purpose. I only hope f93b807be1 this despair doesn’t 0c8f5497fa pass to young 5a24058079 Sophia. That alone is enough.’6f5981ecaf4bfc72

Repeating this familiar mantra, 45e45bfd7e Natasha lowered her head 5f6100ffa8 once more.eb00a0a841714b9b

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Alexei’s boots, stained 8a7a9190ff with blood and d4ec0b2ec4 dirt, came into 31b0dee11c view. At the tip bff5f52edd where her lips 2fe15da3e5 had touched, a 902e21cdbe round mark remained.79ccd09fe5587d69

At last, shame 35fbd85675 swept over her.cd4d5eb37e9cef65

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* * *9c3aab285d104e8f

“The world’s changed, hasn’t cf8db4ddc5 it? This woman’s not cf9ad4daa0 even a lady 26c083a761 anymore, so why 6b1ca2a018 are we serving 0946b01a50 her?”78e960845e3aeb33

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A Knulu woman, 3bee895353 who had come 5b239418a0 to tend to 5f428ca56b Natasha in place 29483dc4d9 of the fleeing 4ae392968c maids, grumbled loudly.7500b9ea72b04e60

“Eva, watch your 0260a7049a mouth. Alexei told us 2a5886912a to help her.”5ee0083fc6a60484

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“Why? Have those noble aea445c33b lords ever watched a642860847 their mouths around 4bb0d7cd01 us?”bb0e30eed89867c5

“She’s not a lady cdd2502010 anymore. Why should c63e8968c0 we show 07140ab988 her respect?”a2e1e6ce216e154c

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Another woman fc15c323de chimed in, ea901836e1 agreeing with df6ffd4a6e Eva.e0466a90698621b8

“Can’t you even dress 6d4f0b6927 yourself?”b56d6cee6a7176c3

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Eva asked sarcastically. Natasha shook her head.b65d8600cfa24ac0

“No, I can do 74a12a78dc it.”a611aba7b74d89d8

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“You know how 686aeab8fa to bathe yourself 40b8ce00ac too, right?”77f8c41314b32e08

“Oh, come on.”3bfe105ccd27b8c1

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As the women giggled, b22d0a1e27 Natasha’s lips trembled slightly. What do they ecbdddd017 take me for…a06d9644c3cd74b7

Still, it was true—she 98eeaa7fac had always been bathed e7cef36500 by multiple maids. She couldn’t argue f239721f6d with that, so 90a4313aaf all she could 4b0710057d do was…d8225341c3e7de0f

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“I can manage.”6278fc7f11835997

…reply in a dry ee952d67fa voice.4b010e53d9ac150c

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“Fine, then. After you wash, change ed5335a623 into this.”f6768290172969c2

With no care, they 44df7e59e9 tossed her a piece 0acc2a67fd of clothing that fluttered 9daff55e48 to the floor.34147776d0539bf0

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“Hey…”72ce21911c3effac

“What?”2812e8034fd01e0e

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As Natasha bent ea231e8a82 to pick up 4c5c9452b5 the clothes, Eva d69092574f asked sharply.d961b724f60e6934

“Is this… all there 94fe42b573 is?”8274d5459fae6e6e

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What Natasha had b88634cbc8 picked up was 4d964fd4a9 a sheer negligee, 6578587aa9 thin enough to f46c8d12c8 be nearly transparent.95533da503af6936

“Pfft, don’t tell 2938470ec1 me you don’t df2cf5ff50 even know how f3804ad36b you survived. Alexei might not really 0fa228d577 want you, but you 5d257332d0 should still know your ec42ab0bbe place.”8666dd5c032a94e4

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“What…?”d36edaf30121f0b8

Natasha asked, ee2af2811d confused, but 16d864c5b8 her face 6267e1a6af quickly froze. Her already 46c9e1ace6 pale complexion 15a2325efc turned stark 7196c9d92c white—then flushed a611200b29 crimson.a6ab590be4af63f7

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Ah…29bed9d920193bfe

She had survived by a695498b89 agreeing to be his 14f581f539 mistress.389c8e4eefe52771

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Her head dropped. Her hand clenched tightly 052b3c5941 around the fabric.636b92eab90801a8

“She’s so stiff and 7d32b9402c arrogant, I doubt she bfa1c33e2b can even do her e3b8247814 job properly as a 22ea2d055f mistress. Alexei must know 9bf3d49884 that the only 7887cea188 way to avoid 4b8c96e447 future trouble is 0b8418a742 to wipe out 2e07cc4ac7 all royal blood 981415fa82 from this fallen 2af49fa951 duchy. There’s already e80e847076 talk among c15fbcb07f the Knulu 2bc6adc3b8 about how a20c2002da he let e6022b3197 two princesses fc4c9ac0ec live.”f4eb9cb6886f77fc

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“With two princesses 8a746781a6 left, maybe he 9bc9d3daaa plans to use 416c9e1bcb them both as 4dc3836f86 playthings. At least one 9c94108669 of them might 1c18b2e641 satisfy him.”3a424f335cef8aaa

“Hey now, don’t cb5f90ba0a talk like that c9937304b7 about Alexei…”fd0ff0a95fd8150e

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“You’re the one who 5b739fe907 doesn’t understand. He’s not the same 53b5a06532 Alexei anymore—he’s a king 1f125c76ef now. Kings need b0eea228d4 to set 40950dfce7 examples. Crushing the e6ab7550d3 royal family a02b5e21d2 of a 4a29cad11e fallen nation 457799788d is the d5ac908e2e perfect way aa9991eb54 to control b37e8972c2 the remaining be4afdc671 nobles.”2b1bc470e0d59dc8

“True. I heard 3a084161f8 that in b3251b5eae the council fd74b0b199 too. If Alexei hadn’t declared 147ef11b8f her his mistress first, de72a28198 there would’ve been a 4acf83eb5f line of men begging 1f5db1feaa to take her as 3d8ecd990a their mistress. That’s how 738ec0f8ea men are.”b63566f2d2ac363f

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“Really? Poor princesses. They acted so f6702e1165 high and mighty… 32f682f899 There’s no way 55300319ce the first one 54a29d9bd9 can satisfy Alexei. Maybe the second one 625d1e5cb6 will. Heh.”92f9bd1f823a959b

As Natasha closed 8a69683c68 the bathroom door d395e6aebf behind her, the 5ca15a84fe laughter of the b4094f4729 Knulu women echoed. She stood frozen with 2aa2237289 her back to the 6e6b12e6ba door, her face pale ac959d3f39 as snow.72249168421c51c0

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