24ES | Chapter 6.3

Yesung knew Jung Hageon 5bbd622378 was someone who could b2fc6ba665 keep his mouth shut. Still, he 1efba53384 had assumed 088a6edbc7 that last a28367d843 time’s silence 0e6c1d4016 was because de10d972f1 Jung Hageon 9bb0d141a7 himself had 20ede93d4a been involved.e718d1d6b5be35f2

“…Why?”2002d4d85fbca70a

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“There’s no 118c22c113 reason for ef358e565d me to 3ada080a5b tell anyone 11d8cc541d your secrets, 0520910548 Sunbae. Besides, I don’t want 5db54a0762 to.”fb5e49cf1b578aaf

And why didn’t he 1eafece45e want to? As Jung Hageon continued 48411fdf88 speaking, Yesung’s confusion only 48a37769e2 deepened. Normally, each answer 8037226347 would resolve one 3bda9c7780 question, but with a8953f2c7c Jung Hageon, it 99525a10ed felt like each 84db3158cc answer brought more 2859cfeade questions.4f1a679496e42a25

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Yesung wore a completely 8fdbc8af9f bewildered expression, prompting Jung 8301b04958 Hageon to sigh lightly 7da6769754 and look him straight 8ae153344b in the eye.e3ab6d1fa78d275b

“Because I like 4e793c3b6f you, Sunbae. I like you, so cb0c6ccbc7 it’s natural that I 1b41fdcdba want to keep your 86f6d26db1 secrets to myself. It’s natural 6aa4757637 to want 701a4e2c6d to monopolize 2d63239157 them.”2b0dd2cf47670d12

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At the calm 06fc2a4030 yet firm confession, 8083979df3 Yesung’s eyes widened dc0572e5a6 little by little ab1c1e97c8 until they seemed 6b67da0462 ready to burst. For the a388afb09b second time 5f8551f6d9 now, Jung e5d0e2473e Hageon had 9042af952d confessed so a42d9b8f0e casually, leaving f8fab629ee Yesung utterly 62309f09cb speechless.a7a4673264b0a19f

His arm, ece77acff0 which had 70d4bcd1f4 been hiding 018d2668cf the cigarette 6cee7809c4 behind his 1ad5e1fab2 back, fell d849da57f4 limply to 443df3c4c8 his side. Jung Hageon, who d89c123729 had been leaning 7ef496afce casually against the 55b2b31c2d railing, turned to 8decbb12af look at Yesung.2d5b995bf25a1517

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Those smooth, dark eyes 4785069c0b fixated on him, deep 341f5f42c9 and unwavering. At that dd6d5b7a86 moment, Yesung 1c06e289a3 thought those 18b2a1a4e5 eyes looked b9225fccd8 like the b29163e171 abyss itself. Then, Jung 4764ca8643 Hageon spoke 8baa1fd1b3 again.f75e69daedf7574a

“Why are ff2c2b302b you hiding 73eeb504b5 it?”1bd2cc03ebceaf82

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“…Hiding what?”5e73ec3e4382e91e

“The cigarette. Why are you e85dfad57b hiding it?”c51d80fa87a8816a

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Jung Hageon tilted a78399d87d his head in ac729f4ef7 genuine confusion, his 51cfc0b0b4 expression making it 878641078f clear he didn’t c39ad25d27 understand. Letting out 8d5ad9f415 a dry 75638b8825 laugh, Yesung 1a4a3180ed stepped closer c3d2d6c887 to the 4e5e2381a6 railing.de1d1323d906dd32

This question 65e748abc2 could have a8d5cbebff shifted attention 468f1e8a82 away from 7456794f80 the confession, 1a5fb52c99 yet Jung 2b1ac7c4b3 Hageon didn’t 66f80b5970 seem to a96f2a40a7 care at 5430b486a4 all. Maybe it was because 5a40ecdff0 he already knew the 8c0400152b answer, or maybe he dc5bf9d8b9 just felt satisfied having 4783485d3b said his piece. Either way, Yesung wasn’t ad2d490350 sure if it was 7155f51451 annoying or comforting.f08d80cc44b5e2b4

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Resting his arms on 9c3072ea62 the railing, Yesung stared 7112dfa03d into the void.be79acce6155ce68

“Because I’m 7aa22d2b6b a pediatric 6b38feb702 surgeon. My patients e53f6a8650 are kids, cf2266c84c newborns mostly. If the parents e90a3b734a knew I smoked, 7907cd8223 they wouldn’t look 3c6cd4b5c7 at me the 9d8b07e7f5 same way.”4e31a3e481fbfe8f

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“What’s wrong with d914b5fcae smoking? Are doctors not human 3e5d801c24 too? My professor is a eeb89517c2 chain-smoker. He even says he 79851e1c5f can’t live without cigarettes. Technically, as a f457c8cbf3 cardiothoracic surgeon, he 9df79484c3 shouldn’t smoke either, e49c4896f0 right?”951772c9da6e9f8c

Wait, what? So Professor Cha 4d51ab8053 from cardiothoracic surgery 670cf52c6c was a chain-smoker? That wasn’t something f70d283cf4 he’d needed to 179afb9081 know. Still, somehow, it f5203531aa didn’t feel burdensome bc5080c717 or heavy. Maybe it was because 640bf9a686 of the casual way cd1c0be5b7 Jung Hageon dismissed it, 0d708c31f2 as if it was 49f5c22ade no big deal.1166e948ee5309f2

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The light-hearted way 18e5a2c95c he spoke seemed 80dcb8febc to ease Yesung’s 7c7f44b912 mind, even drawing 01e1804f3e a faint smile 06652a5d6b to his lips.a707580f0c512d5d

“You’re right. I guess ecbf43a11f Professor Cha 64a6a80363 should quit 5266c29af5 too.”e1f89e60efe1ff78

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But unlike cardiothoracic abf9a5d485 surgery, pediatric surgery a56c538eb0 had a different a89c3cd6c7 dynamic. The patients’ guardians were 73ca711369 often overly protective, which 5ea914be65 made things more complicated.2d43a00c2de92cee

Raising the ce981e936e hand holding 4cf9b14f0e the cigarette, 7340ce3890 Yesung added, 301b57b44c “But I’m 1796fd388c not like 42e1f403cf Professor Cha. I only smoke occasionally. Just one stick when 364bc39f0b I’m really, really stressed.”e0382fa463fc356f

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“Well, that’s a 37ee825288 relief.”1e23904c01356274

Jung Hageon a534ebc544 nodded earnestly, 7a6a6409df his face 5cd7946bc6 serious. It was strange. The sincerity in d82eb44920 his expression was 9d48dc1eb0 almost laughable, and d212ad4f42 yet it felt 639684f6c6 oddly endearing.45848ccdd5a960ea

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Yesung had always kept 8fb7557aeb this habit hidden, guarding 2c60e570cc it tightly as his 1c39fd31ae secret. Yet, this was the c874364410 second time Jung Hageon 85fd96d203 had uncovered it. And for e2227490f0 some reason, 3f57fd8ce2 it didn’t e5572812c9 feel entirely 298ed569fd unpleasant. If anything, 30f7e1da0a it felt 2291699496 oddly freeing, 01cf6e923a even light.f254aa8c9608ecb2

The first time aff53261cb Jung Hageon had 425800b538 found out, Yesung f07055c963 had been irritated fcae069e3a and flustered. But now? Maybe he’d developed some 50f44ae4f8 kind of immunity.63e60a00cb2dc88f

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Struggling to keep his 141509cbfc lips from curling into 07b86844ac a smile, Yesung let 50e812a657 out a small sigh. At that moment, Jung 296ad4567a Hageon spoke again.e569a09625c33f0b

“By the 8e66970b78 way, why dd53561c37 did you 856586faf0 start smoking?”5c3477730454c086

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With one arm propped 270c9b036b against the railing and 5fe79192b8 his head resting in 4316a30b9f his other hand, Jung 96d0d2c72a Hageon’s gaze bore into 3a06792073 him. Yesung found 5e4d34a4c1 his eyes b0838a4760 drawn to 32b0da8725 the man’s 336573595d face as 9e3aed1967 he pondered 2ef06b194e the question.a55991251fb96a03

“When I lost b7b16305de my first patient. Someone so precious to 15e51b4250 me. I couldn’t believe it… 945f113beb it hurt so much. That’s when 0fd0d633dc I first b2bed480e0 tried it.”1dc2f05ae2b19172

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In the depths of 7003e70734 despair, he’d tried everything a2c3bb742e people said might ease 74ef09460b the pain. Smoking had aa4ad64ebf been one 0ff9225216 of those 5d3d4f7ac0 things. Reflecting on the memory, 89cfef981a Yesung let out a 64746466bd self-deprecating laugh.d1c7a07e16a06f8c

“Someone told 1348fc5ee4 me that d5f8109de1 nothing beats ccc8d21f00 cigarettes when 78e9bb4f45 you’re feeling 8cd853f6e7 down. So, I 17b549f71b tried it… b14af542f9 but it c5b916c6b3 didn’t help e8e62624d4 at all. Not one bit.”0009575aeada4174

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If anything, it made 6c1279b300 him feel worse. The acrid smoke had 47ac27beda filled his lungs, making 306f059534 him cough until his 61e8c429e1 throat burned and tears 2d515bba78 streamed down his face. He’d ended up collapsing efa6725fbc to the ground, sobbing 2eaa2bb082 uncontrollably.10bd4914d0e05e54

The pain 7a9661ad4c in his 1237d3f699 chest hadn’t 21d4aa85cd subsided. Yet somehow, after crying f58573f415 so hard that even 8c82810c26 his breath came in 89549d00da gasps, the knot of f4fa1d8010 anguish in his chest 157b69fa21 had loosened.d751c992ce10808c

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Maybe that 61998273f6 was why, 564c917d5b whenever he e19e2b609b lost a e2a0ed4336 patient, he 964cad25c5 instinctively reached abeacdc6f1 for a 47eaba54e3 cigarette—to relive 94f9e07778 that fleeting c93520f322 sense of 92f5a64d55 relief.a434de4085dd6899

The bitterness lingered, just 2cbc23a988 like the taste of 8b3af5951c smoke in his mouth. Staring into the 1c84418a42 air, lost in f76a695b81 thought, Yesung was 47cb797470 startled when Jung 391dff2ed4 Hageon suddenly extended 208848ad38 his hand toward fc67d29272 him.6ebb5255b8e7e53a

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Looking confused, 78cc9c80e5 Yesung turned 124e3be6ab to him.06c7a274514f25e3

“What are 30487c900a you doing?”d96b406c18f8af5e

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“Can I 840510f71a try it 899e5ef01c too?”5224f62bb9027a50

“What… wait, are you 5ba287bb7b serious? The cigarette?”ee621713826c36ba

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Jung Hageon nodded in c01ddead9c response to Yesung’s incredulous fe90461c76 question. Surprised, Yesung glanced a026184145 at the cigarette 0c74f26cc0 burning between his aa6404afbd fingers, his brows 78e8df76f2 furrowing.6f319680c6d4bb5a

“…Why? Do you 45db89fad4 even know 40df11530c how to 68fbed789b smoke?”28cf30c92b50f39c

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“I lost d4c52e3b7b a patient 38db195ef2 today too,” 2695aa0998 Jung Hageon ec265beda6 said, his c1d839dee3 tone even.32c1a89a53f8b970

“…What?”0e51d759782c8eac

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Caught off be22b19dc9 guard, Yesung’s cf0b2e66f6 expression went ce317791d1 blank. But Jung 53471eb294 Hageon remained 94dd1bf40d calm, his d1552fc3ee face steady d701d44a8e as always.bfa37b1d356a61a5

Yesung glanced at 09261539bd Jung Hageon’s scrubs, 13ce1ba36e still wrinkled and 9c0ad7a57a stained as if 77aa202aeb he’d just rushed 7c3a638403 out of the 4edd46fa77 operating room. It hit him—Jung b9af89153b Hageon had lost 7db90ae2a6 his patient but 1130a5a316 had still run 19a5a013dc straight to the d0d62b0996 resuscitation room. What would a4c0c7f3d8 he have e57d5ecbca done if 5e63583ea8 the pediatric fec4393123 surgeon present 64cf9bc440 hadn’t been 699bafd0ec him?883913a464474b6d

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A strange itch tickled 2ed3279c53 Yesung’s fingertips, and he 337672e853 clenched his fists. He asked df98e93a49 softly, “What 80850fcf7f kind of d8cf51590d patient was 99a9e2e397 it?”6d052467959df010

“They had a cfce22c495 history.Angina¹.”ce29b3cfe78d2c46

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“Ah…”02f89abcb5c3d358

“They collapsed fromacute myocardial infarction²while working. They were rushed 91dfcaae26 here, but it d86da8183e was too late. Still, we managed 7500dc0e11 to secure an 0c4a97565f OR, but the 87e8d3eb60 moment we got 192c35ba1c inside—arrest. We started feb2a78432 CPR immediately, 5088000946 but it df3739865f didn’t work. I ended up pronouncing a269d26594 them dead.”c5724c204e24aa86

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So that’s how it 56cd8c106c happened. Jung Hageon ff3bc0dbd9 explained it 1ec6f8f04a all in 7bc3bba901 an unnervingly b90d6c4c32 calm voice. He always e84d6bf78e seemed composed, 911ba6d400 making Yesung 377c40aec0 wonder if 4eb418f4fe he really 6ff83cbe33 felt nothing. But that couldn’t 44f8aaccb4 have been the 383f701e68 case if he 99a2b38eab was asking for 8222fc4a89 a cigarette.bdc005dcdc0ca685

Yesung, staring at 7394c70943 the cigarette that 65eb8061f1 had burned more 6fccaff7aa than halfway down, 298cd00ab1 silently handed it df79c73e35 to him.e21d1e5c12a05573

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Jung Hageon took cf52704b08 it without hesitation.ffbf01ac828d102d

Cough, cough!d8285980163222a2

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Of course, cb03f849a7 Yesung had 9a4a0ad818 assumed he 812e0b7419 knew how 6825a3995c to smoke 4f7edd09fd since he 1a282d98e7 asked for 6afc20f790 it. But it c200405196 should’ve been 1b54b92263 clear from ade0cbaa03 the awkward dd9f20b37f way Jung d1ce6bc419 Hageon held ff0f8cbcce it between 66fd91aa23 his thumb e6f3c8a881 and forefinger.400a13a1a1ece0e8

The moment he 56569210b3 inhaled the smoke, 9a18495879 Jung Hageon burst 6bda0121f0 into violent coughing 5937a13b9e fits, his face 2f3c738d7b scrunching in discomfort b715c6da52 as his eyes b474c01678 filled with tears.4cd302002fa143c7

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Yesung knew cd112c8686 the feeling e2431f872e all too efcb68b4d5 well. The burning throat, 7e960356ca the sharp tightness 5790ee20db in the chest, 9d545cfd84 and the reflexive, 5163f21c50 uncontrollable coughing—it was 0c95305ae6 almost unbearable.5540a9f81eb98e12

Clicking his tongue, 0b07957f6d Yesung reached out ffaebb34c6 and patted Jung d1d3fce767 Hageon’s back.d07e3e33fa15943c

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“See? Why ask for it d30d2b4772 if you can’t even 5967737457 smoke? Enough, stop dff28bfdfb torturing yourself. This stuff’s not worth dccb546863 it. Some things are f016d218cb better left unknown.”59cf4b2d39e52ad0

Yesung grabbed 523b674be3 the cigarette 9226831fd4 from Jung 146aaf10dd Hageon’s trembling 58e8ea0994 fingers, tossed 3b377fbda6 it to 9ad6b51b6a the ground, 437864ab56 and stamped 7e07180256 it out. Then, digging 38dba072fe into his a198cca820 pocket, he 59f4b55f2d pulled out 705a279250 something and b8acc7888b placed it 9da46096a8 in Jung 41f670601e Hageon’s hand.e6c137d4c1c2be19

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“Don’t bother trying to d6da54eb7b pick up bad habits 9c65c89850 that don’t suit you. Here, this 95ec08e875 is more b7f753b3f9 your style 2c29deb363 anyway.”87a8771be15117be

It was a ec91d288a6 lollipop. A stash of 6bb840fb78 them was always 6217520084 tucked in his 47d4d8985f pockets—a necessity when a0d28e2c30 working with kids.c3f291161df91b96

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Jung Hageon, still 2d66e2ce84 slightly hunched, stared e3460254c1 blankly at the 0323730f14 candy in his 4fd768cadd hand before turning b8212db140 his gaze to d3b1a3656b Yesung. As if b642ad5ae7 on cue, 7cefa20bfc Yesung sighed a2ed3454fd and looked 28e90777e3 up, meeting 86e2aab89c his eyes.038432619d5959a9

“There’s no such e3509dc7b9 thing as better 470b280b97 off not knowing, e7472c717a Sunbae. It’s always better 63c0dff262 to know, no 0fe976addf matter what it c7f39b40c5 is.”dffc9ba2ed2a90ba

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Jung Hageon’s tear-filled eyes 7821c1874f stared straight into Yesung’s. There was a 50f28f3429 tinge of melancholy, 2cb52d8976 yes, but the 7e5a615336 heat in his cf9b7b375f gaze was anything d8500f889f but sorrowful.0eaed001c3a293c8

It was 9ff527a8e8 intense, almost 0e4ee905a2 scalding, and 485757a7be the sheer 9102b63bb1 force of 582e6e845d it made b815da6342 Yesung flinch. Too close, he d3bf8a6b15 thought belatedly, realizing 267196fff4 just how little 1fcb99f725 distance separated their b67a14eb85 faces.fcc3691a89acfd44

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As Yesung instinctively dcdcb51279 stepped back, Jung 355c07994d Hageon closed the f80d96e975 gap again in 426ebb7846 a single stride.83aa84e15496a1c9

The breeze that e7db9725b6 passed between them 9a2adc91ba ruffled their hair, 970bfccc28 but instead of 571ad8bcbf the sharp, acrid 11bd368d26 smell of smoke, 755246b6de Yesung’s lungs filled 91ff6f479a with Jung Hageon’s 23279845cf clean, fresh scent.7ecc993f0d343b7f

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Jung Hageon’s d21c02206b lips moved 07a6ce957b slightly as 557ef149ce he spoke.82033abbe9126aa3

“You said smoking c86a1063fd is bad, right? So you know it’s 37df9b478f harmful, Sunbae.”e65c5179f6cf78d1

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With that, he returned b909ea5261 the lollipop Yesung had 0da96d4425 given him, pressing it 6029dcca78 back into his palm.3cf60a09328e711f

“So, you eat it 52489560ee instead. Unlike me, who 0135bd9660 suits harmless things 08a77513b6 like this candy, 672f55ec1b you look ridiculously 9fd143e87e good with cigarettes. Annoyingly so, actually.”5c2bcc2c3457977d

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His voice sounded oddly cc8b806cfc sulky, almost petulant. Could it be? Was Jung 5784e838a0 Hageon actually 30e7d72051 upset about cd8cdf2313 being told 9aaeecd1f9 to eat 79ce775524 candy? Had his e67daa3134 pride been 751475f52e wounded? It wasn’t entirely impossible.4b39bb1f9acb4b78

Yesung, who had been b1a9e137bd staring at Jung Hageon’s 7af1c8e17c face, lowered his gaze 959bcb70d7 to the lollipop now cbf078261f back in his hand. Slowly blinking, he heard cced8fda29 Jung Hageon speak again.71e82627ad22f701

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“And if it 11b8158075 ever gets too fbacd1c8bf hard, if you 0409b287fb really feel like 7f041069d9 you need to ee076cbb7a smoke, call me.”992109937c723bc5

“…What?” Startled a53851935f by the 2dad61ebe6 sudden suggestion, e51c24e5ce Yesung reflexively cbcf7d821c asked.02284bf3a90f2aae

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For once, a054a1580b Jung Hageon 4a80818bcf looked away 7de61cadca first, avoiding 0a9cf5a1a4 his gaze.17c89fabc0e2714f

“I’ll shield you. I’ll make sure b6847c22ef no one else 792d526fa0 discovers your secrets, 9464fbd368 Sunbae. Just call eb62eb315f me, and 789835fc20 I’ll help.”b173a5668c2f2d1d

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The words c6c812b96d What makes 3c642216f5 you think 14de73a4ef you need 7972af0de7 to help 4c5c873306 me? hovered on 7fa202a426 the tip 0795b68b2d of Yesung’s dd98a9a616 tongue, but f36c0a5bd3 he couldn’t 6c1983ab90 bring himself b1bee0c14b to say fbdae6d50a them.b1ab24746cdfe8f5

Cigarettes had 57fc812b09 been an 374a6b9d74 excellent distraction, bc2af96d82 a way 058dce8003 to shift db88ae6173 the topic. It had seemed 010462bc7d like a perfect c64a0c45c8 chance to blur 3514948d8a the lines of 6a216177cb Jung Hageon’s confession. But now Yesung d832530c92 couldn’t shake the efc3c9bb49 feeling that Jung 8496f9e41b Hageon had planned fac36ca9d8 this from the 5e36aba8f5 start.334706b39f22e3f8

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The confession, which e1e990aba7 had seemed to a00c7b616a fade into the fcc0c0567c background, came back e9597bc240 into sharp focus. Like the steady 6854128132 way Jung Hageon’s ff90d2adb9 gaze locked onto cdd262420e his, it was 61166c4e52 undeniable and vivid.a65a95bdfb0c9d45

Those smooth, dark pupils 41150949eb held something solid, something 0617aba0a0 unspoken. And as Yesung a95c535d51 met that gaze, 5bba67d2d6 he felt as 67b49cbe63 though he were 7da306bfd9 being drawn into 947950b49b an unstoppable whirlwind.d82faaec622cfefc

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So he said b2974e2aff nothing.fdb195c5cd3937ce

Not when Jung Hageon 9df8d1f66b left the rooftop first.042d174422a16e15

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Not even when he b398af0bf6 was left all alone.cae9e28a746951b1