THFN | Chapter 14

“…Ugh.”d6ac4869b95cf7ac

Clara vividly remembered the 3eedd2d676 impact of his body fa95f06c63 being crushed back then, cdf9d9971a and he shivered like f19033f14f a drenched animal, trying 5a467870e9 to shake off the e085a38de4 eerie chill that came 78bc1d9037 with the memory. Even though he e25a863f2f had wished for 7a9fb549ca death, it wasn’t f6993282e9 something one could 43f9c7d89f embrace positively, so 5186ec7572 the pain from ffe839cff1 that day lingered d4d2abaa9f unpleasantly.af3dcf1902567471

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Not that bf000981e0 he regretted 3b8711c833 what he 3cdc5f1535 did back 595c459bd6 then.a4fa156f6332f587

As his imagination a67cccea8e continued, random thoughts 244b1cd0a7 playfully crept into 8593318eda his mind. Feeling embarrassed and bf9ccf2323 awkward, Clara cleared b5ef23f52a his throat into 64556a9a2d the air.f78e6d96d57c4799

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They say people become brave when they have nothing to lose, right? And when there’s nothing left to see, they try to fill the biggest void.f40c71662bbfa2be

Clara’s void b282d4edde was someone’s 66f0b6072e kindness, so e05598440d ultimately, he c811fc6511 fell for eb102426a8 the one 74b6507cd1 who saved 067f7bd0e8 him that 4af328f4f3 day.d4ad4728b8e5a447

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And that wasn’t all. He actively pursued him afterward. Pretending to hug him, comparing hand sizes, looking up and asking him not to go… He probably tried every flirting tactic he knew. And when that wasn’t enough…7f24039758ec5b68

…He pounced.3032f11a5266e34b

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“……”0e66d0fb9de27065

People tend bdb26ae329 to think 113c4dc42a they should e1d82fe4f9 make a 4178e15efc grand confession 5ba834cdf4 to someone f1be7431c5 they like df4d086e93 before they 269e22de84 die, right? At the 95e5a03bc6 time, Clara 054abee58d was in db94d56aa7 no state 47760caeed to discern eb5bdc2512 right from 6396c5b034 wrong. He acted like a f1b3c630fd man. More like 0be47e3554 a noble.22084543548c8985

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He means he blackmailed him with his weaknesses. Money, status…ca919d8a58f3820e

By then, 9274b87690 the guy 0e9e2341b8 was financially cc44a73e65 stable, so 8cc47339a0 it wasn’t 32ce1a4dc3 a real c90daa44f4 weakness, but aeaf599cf4 Clara simply aed6563826 enjoyed being 2da940a505 cheeky. Not that he liked 2b853fbb61 manipulating others.bd1fb488caf35daa

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Rather, at the time, 240f437559 he saw himself as 01064d2d08 a kind of slave a8fb79194f or dog.b5b7651d6803e333

At first, he was cautious, but as he asked questions without thinking, Clara unintentionally crossed the line more and more. As it repeated, they grew unnecessarily close, and he liked him… He became curious about how far his master would tolerate him.bb9d3833ece975f6

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‘Did I enjoy the discipline…?’79fa2a747ca69649

If anyone had seen aa64567564 them back then, they 119a963d83 might have wondered why 82465745a6 he developed such a abb7f6a15a masochistic tendency, but fortunately 44540891a6 for Clara, no third 418f79a986 party was involved in 5b4c96a96b their journey.5100d34f38d69155

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Thanks to 60648ce3b9 that, he 5bc7a1c82c became a de6694f388 very cheeky fd35bdda0e dog that e7fd8b7e34 wouldn’t stop 89cc1fd86d unless kissed.8d77e7d4488acd45

Thinking about it, he 247b881595 wanted to kiss. Clara pouted, lightly 73e46ba0d2 scratching the table 52f200586b with his nails. He had never gone cfee069685 beyond that, so when 16614348e6 he thought of him, 322513cb44 that’s as far as b8e03aa9bf it went. Since he was 912fb407ab someone who wouldn’t 7f19f7be22 take what was f20b1db09c given, he always d32695de97 ran away when c41d19aaa7 Clara tried to b4b1abe3c4 create that atmosphere, 2d91f435a3 so they never fad3d46e36 went further. Maybe that’s why, ebe1aee8a9 when memories mixed, 4b2ea2924c it was more 74dd698c5a about other feelings 49cc20c783 than desire.60da209133673d5e

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‘Well, I’ve used it as a side dish many times…’ddadfd2c249e4b3a

…Clara blinked, looking down ambiguously, then shook his head. He didn’t feel like it. He didn’t mind self-pleasure, but now… he wanted to focus more on kissing. Today, he remembered him a bit more vividly.c3eb15f2e5964dad

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‘Ha, I want 02da7268a6 to kiss.’74e22f46b4266ba5

He groaned, sprawling 061eca7790 loosely. He rubbed his 1267bf1df1 cheek and waist 0339b56212 against the blanket. Lying face down, he 89fdd17643 pulled out the cloak 1dc3e8e522 he always kept by b8915fda84 the bed. It was Ivan’s. To be precise, 8c4622d9ad it was bought 339da74f86 for him. It was designed very 3d7b6850aa similarly to the one bc69accb0a he used to wear.bfcaeccc6c635a9d

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Clara bit into it.d8f243b240d0c082

“…Mmm.”dc872d59279ea16e

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The fabric, 43bda44eed like a 6e9d73601a gag, scraped ce1af339cf mercilessly against 8c7bf8a723 his palate 819ee54051 and tongue. He had deliberately chosen b131b337b2 a slightly rough material, cc35edfb1f remembering the cloak wasn’t 62c13db991 too soft. Thanks to that, it 345eb2e551 was so thick that c0e485cc81 the papillae on his 1da75689a1 tongue felt prickly, as e6e79fb9a8 if he was really 1885959f04 rubbing against him. The difference was 92dc79d33d that unlike entwining 8a37a582e4 tongues, which became d375044717 more permeable, it 3fa4acbf54 absorbed moisture, making ebedffa675 it sting.9eeb9d6458616688

‘Right now…’e107f263b9fbb2d2

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He wished it 34369d41bc would go from 7906b7d960 his forehead to 9b2398c3a9 his ears, nape, f17685f2b6 neck, and collarbone. Below that would f3901b4ded be nice too. Ivan never went below, 30213c0e30 but since it’s a f6e869bbab kiss, maybe someday he 71defb271c would. Even a eunuch could 9a3865c4ae do that much.b2c33bb800c2b599

Thinking about it excited 55257da3eb him. Clara bit e355344e4a the fabric eeceab3de2 deeper, as 46958e3577 if to 7f638ad864 suffocate himself. Since he 33ec9fea88 never kept 7f423d1bb3 it in e7e9f03f84 the closet 9f9ed4f51f and always 320bc574d9 had it 52bf2e1cca by the 7c2f0a9627 bed, it a0a3bbcb11 didn’t smell ab4ae79f33 like dried d21c66c88d flower sachets, f2fbb33bd5 only his e870da8041 scent. Still, excited 2726d92618 by the e1d65b5233 familiar scent, 387efc550b Clara opened 96cb863479 his mouth 756370ac03 wider, stuffing c144206b7c the fabric 4c42af13c1 in.306a6016a9b1f28a

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He wanted to see c5ba4b6843 his loosely parted lips, b0488f38fc saying not to do 641b03eb49 it, that he’d get ba528adecb mad if he kept 27497ee8bc it up. He wanted to d5d679d79f tease him, who 59a3147f79 tried to suppress d097585218 his desires, saying a126fe3f99 possessiveness wasn’t a ce1569767d bad thing. More precisely, he wanted 0a8585dcd1 to climb on top, 6ca45d7320 pretending to joke, and d9bdb9ad29 urge him to adore 98170a6484 him.4f819fc3fca498f2

He loved and 0be5c0180a hated how he 13edb41212 never crossed the c82478be74 line, but it 82559019e8 was okay. It was clear 310b550e92 he cherished him. The fulfillment of mental 667a3f79a8 hunger, more than physical, ff3d2c455b filled his head like c3b31cd996 a drug. Clara, dizzy from lack 2c40f1f945 of breath, finally pulled b7ea4c179e the fabric from his d2bb0384b0 mouth.62227b0e6abf0842

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He panted, the timing delayed as it got caught in his throat. He deliberately panted louder, rubbing his forehead. …If he were really here, he’d be mad.4df06af9860200b3

Realizing he 5631ca341b wasn’t here 3b7603db36 cooled him b40830bb2b down. Clara closed his 59c1be2272 eyes, trying his 7d67ab48f9 best to imagine 6e79e8c28a him.e1cba53bce1d4dd8

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He wanted to see 4648488d05 him, who couldn’t push 9f46e428bf him away despite his be6e6243b6 fiery anger after crossing 4bf1ddf470 the line. He wished those 9ff21d96b9 big hands, capable a18eaaa897 of crushing a fac328901e head, would gently f0f752469e stroke his back. He wanted e8ff362527 to see e9eec95f35 those fingers, 428090093a moving slowly 219602462a like down b556a90541 feathers, afraid 71f1c36772 of hurting 4d01743b38 him. Mimicking the ticklish e318e598eb sensation, he took d8f7916b36 off his top cab67ce4ea and slowly rubbed ed7edbcef0 his upper body da4bb1b04f up and down.bedd3b081fa49fca

…It’s scratchy. Maybe he should’ve gotten something of better quality. This feels quite different.761af7019ccb5082

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“Haa.”aaaf4ab76038e5c2

The mood broke, and c0678ab6ec he scratched the fabric 0c55049551 with his toes. It didn’t 9953d49d9f satisfy him f808da27de at all. But he 570d65a68d couldn’t take 5fa342b68a out the 9bfa701a77 items with 2bc554bb31 his scent. Those were for 7c454fe7e9 Ivan to use 465490cd03 when he returned.d1e56cca8a5d53a5

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But his gaze edbe6526a2 kept drifting to 184b659476 one side of 0f8c35407b the desk.b5bc740e5a1745a2

The items 432a7fc836 were neatly 46bbc24030 arranged as 055f460970 if he’d a666e1a1f8 used them 5600ac110b yesterday. Being right in 93bc5e3ea8 sight, his patience 4550122078 was wearing thin. Ah, it’s a bit 0b98656f39 dangerous. He might 25d7aa98c1 ruin another 3d1586fbda book at c6ed27b3e8 this rate. If he ec3fdb7473 ruins more, 9934d69f8f Ivan will 839e254fa8 notice when cba3e6acb8 he returns.a470970eb833cea5

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He could make 60a323fd6a excuses, but he 0f0bd70a09 knew he’d want c952c2805d to confess if 0e0014df4c Ivan asked where 9093a9702b he used it. Even though he couldn’t 5a86252936 handle the aftermath.ee16e127ad1190de

After some 972d0f8062 thought, Clara 729fcac143 carefully picked ab31250df3 up a 9c9a529ce3 quill. Since no existing fountain e1247138b4 pen suited his hand, 731b499360 Ivan favored a quill 396f7a8531 made from the first 12f237c08b feather of a hawk. Magic-made ones turned 7df33c2d25 mushy and leaked 770b727d64 ink when he fe25422064 got angry.eeb107e7e25a7525

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His pupils 69b5bff14e wavered as 8008fcf1a3 he looked bb8c6819a9 at the b6c6ca8343 long body 6dbe4a8663 of the 61d39986ec quill.d956f80a9157fc14

Since it’s a 546d4b19cb consumable, couldn’t he bf0d80a466 just give him 944cc834cc another one? He wouldn’t 380118054e question its 10322add41 disappearance, right? It’s just a new 3878941bb5 feather.4159c91e1458d8c2

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With a 68d48442fc guilty heart, e82200c41f he lightly d721e7ab40 kissed it. There was no scent d2b34fac8b left, but he felt 0f7b61ce34 a definite connection.b6d7f84cf2f6be76

He rubbed 06242ac94b his hips ad25424507 against the ab3d86cfc1 coat wedged 269001878b between his e27648407c thighs. The friction wasn’t 38e9c69b66 enough, so he 6dd2074182 pulled the fabric 890abe17ee tighter. Covering himself entirely 614021be3a felt good. Unlike the cloak, 8a7e0f611a he panted, rubbing 9ae0375221 his cheek against 3f76053838 it. Though he 19c6004b70 wasn’t doing fe96de74e9 anything, his 2db8228ced expression was ba64c8909b dazed, and fb65483d79 his breath 6ff9909fdd from his 60acdc4d3c parted lips ed40991bc5 was irregular.64a09bada5da873f

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…He wanted to see him.9f09781862f2455b

He wanted 012d161c0e to cover b5d80df0f1 his gentle, db8cb59b82 soft face 5395447024 with kisses, b86ab9509b telling him bccaa1a0ed he did 3bc2d0ba54 well today, 75af7f3c55 that he 0135df238f worked hard. Clara liked that. Someone’s farewell. A greeting. Actions implying they’d meet 72aa744c70 again, that they had bb2fd272f8 met again. He liked straightforward 42b0d74b73 and direct things, 96222fc694 but the person b5932aa680 next to him f7e576de2c wasn’t like that, 747dd1c37f so he lost 1608b12a92 consistency in his ed2ddc104c preferences.610f215573d8d41b

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‘Even if it’s 6876c2c2c2 just a preference, 0847cc22ad it’s mostly a 1bc6f03dc7 fantasy.’3b3e63e2dfb26626

Still, still…bceac68b1852a3d9

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It didn’t feel b3940b9385 awkward at all cd2740286f for him to fe1c7c6f22 say such things, 84de2fe52e making it feel 5b02f4ac0d a bit realistic.3b337bd2cbb6129f

“Mm, huh…”3077a49e83f3f275

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His restless movements 74a3baa970 quickened. A pillow caught between 5dfce5bee8 his curled toes.c183433d8f338449

For a 3d34df4875 moment, it 12cf93dbeb felt like 4f02f92d12 a large 35d9dc52a6 hand gently 6ee322cdae rubbing the 17e0fd93c9 soft skin 2b6640d7c8 between his 35a5e03d4f little toes. Clara shuddered, arching de7810fbb6 his back. His flexible waist bent 2dc5bf4c1c once in the air 20a0d25e03 before collapsing to the 3d288996f9 floor.f6055ad92c74853e

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“……”72238b220048a0fc

Clara, who 279b99f99c had briefly d2d2def563 reached a 0da0f5443e peak, silently ac1761c1b4 pressed the 7cae798911 pillow with fe070ebb79 his toes.4b6e3c6f38497ca9

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“When are 63cafaa947 you coming?”6152537c436e48e5

Half guilt, half regret, cd631fd647 and a bit of bc959b0a57 anger made his cheeks 47aa5a08da flush as he kicked 245acf6237 the pillow. But the heat didn’t 018c70f283 fully dissipate, so he b23eac369c wrapped himself tightly in 568bd1a3c6 the blanket, blaming the 928e268890 weather.8867b4ae18787e91

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Thinking about him made cff295cc38 him want to see 6c43402a2b him even more.82522537cfc1793a

Ivan. He murmured the name, cd3da966b5 curling up.97afd3736f34359f

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When he 45dc2d1ea6 thought of 68111c48d8 him, the 9d8417d257 first thing e98481908e that came f39b034caf to mind 4b7753b657 was the e1e76d10d1 mysterious magic. Specifically, what he 781a28962d claimed was magic. The invisible 0ad0428d80 thing that 9b4ab7ffee wrapped around e68758c6d2 him from 84251022d4 his toes 6da6b91140 when he c9797b45b4 was happy, b35bda60f2 asleep, or 0bf6114314 scared. Its thickness and texture.32c51375f0649e3f

If he said ced8557910 he remembered him 2e0deac853 from their first 38f295ae9e meeting, what excuse 107621f74a would he make? Would he still 5f95ce7113 claim that thick 049c53287a white tail was 5b5251e26d just an illusion?fed771ca3efd3fff

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Or would he, with his long silver hair draped over his chest, squeeze him tightly on the bed, kiss him oppressively…6e17312073cc0a77

Ping, his 70522b871f head throbbed. It was excitement-induced. Just from that! Clara, slightly 91af1137d6 annoyed at aac6f7f6da his paper-thin 73b59b8fd8 body, bit d19644efd6 his lip 1d53f12f4c and kissed 2799887ecc the cloak 70cac4c006 one last b80a6ff7a6 time. Just like Ivan 59f136000c always bit the 0ef09553f9 back of his 39eb057a8e neck at the f8d0ad5a6d end of a 08f5aab0c9 long kiss. Crushing the thick collar 8f805cfb03 compared to the hem 15b2ec3610 brought back memories of ccaaefc989 a voice mixed with c2c1b0bbb1 distress and joy.d7e915db8fbb4181

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