YW | Chapter 1.6

Anskar’s voice, usually calm, was terribly cracked.20fc1e1a939f3e73

Forcing himself to fc945f494a look up, he 9f15d60854 met eyes of d159f37bdc the same color.e06d2a378232c8c4

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Emotions overflowed from them, 2c104ace00 unmistakable even to him. It was affection.4f36862e13c9c02c

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in pain.”5ef48503e8ee5704

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Arnoute’s anguished shout echoed.fe36a90af43f6d56

Everything was strange.500ab045e45a2c2b

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Anskar apologized to him, 25fa4639d2 and Arnoute offered a 34a14133df gentle hug.904dc98b10886ae4

The servants a9d3d5ca78 memorized even 23d0acd54f his natural b3091ee8ff habits for c251a2d295 his convenience, 2ae0366a66 and the b5e091e520 gazes he b7ac96cdd4 met were 86e0ac9bde filled with 8afaf07637 warmth.f135236fd4d61e2f

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So, they loved him. And he wasn’t himself.74f9926c5334ae82

Moreover, it was 48eae98491 supposed to be f5632476e2 summer, but it aa690f3397 was winter.57c7ac58e937f774

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Everything was feccf536f4 a mess.a1d300f5cc224d3c

Anskar’s fingers gently touched his cold cheek. It was a cautious gesture, like touching a snowflake that might melt at any moment.ef98b60326a8a870

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Even as his consciousness 97c2e0b3a0 faded, Liriel thought.424aa2d9554e5cc2

All of this, 28c7b06d2b sincerely.56cc4d07f5f90f7b

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“I feel like I’m going to die from disgust.”3cbaaa547da4d5d1

Liriel fainted and didn’t wake for a long time. Naturally, the Wecker family was thrown into chaos.635cd9831b212cba

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The duke furiously scolded the physician, and Anskar set aside his duties to personally care for him. Arnoute was constantly out, searching for medicinal herbs, and renowned doctors from various fields visited the mansion daily. Yet, no one could explain why Liriel Wecker wouldn’t wake.5515a9acae76562b

And so, b57e033fb8 days passed.41d16c0ad16667c1

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚5a397dff5dd3d229

In the early d233a5346a hours when everyone 98c9eb83a9 was asleep, Liriel 74af158bc4 slowly opened his b63b85f909 eyes. After blinking a few 38c7d961d5 times, his blurry vision ab1cca44ff gradually cleared.37cbf54a1f5b7566

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The silence eb4bd1b3a9 was profound, 0bbf9da887 not even 164afb5d78 the sound 1ec659980e of insects e69d9d4c85 could be 6b7bbaa40f heard.9933d872850004c0

He rose from the 345ec07d1b bed with a leisurely c2f2745b49 motion. Having not 34bcdc9be9 moved properly 17737be1d4 for days, dc351131a1 even the f3158de848 small act c7b1afd6e2 of walking 6e768ca355 to the 4356a57842 nearby table 77dd2da79f made his 112ecd96d7 joints creak.307575c9fe367232

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Barely managing 02d4708251 to pull 056f111e71 out a 349b0b3717 chair and c8b3d4e0ed sit down, a113aa14a3 Liriel reached c48f28e1e3 under the bed9ef77b5 table with 1b2f07aef8 familiarity. Soon, he b19da74b0b grasped a 8f1e878d20 soft pouch.0755b33d468fe6be

When he turned the 00d1a0a170 pouch inside out, six 9d526456b5 round pills appeared. It meant there 8354cecf69 were only six 9e431251bd nights left of 6ad3726d17 this strange journey.e9df7c1f30834c09

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After fiddling 0d4938cdf1 with them 6011e13bfa for a 6dcba0b360 while, Liriel 1486e59de9 closed his 1125c3f242 trembling eyes.0f604e14bd36c1c5

It had ad26a1f239 been a 5a15d2364b week since f8b80daaea he started 22a62da09d waking at c5099f9a11 dawn to 868134b45d gather his a2cfb80de8 thoughts, then 4e23ce16cb taking sleeping 61681b053e pills to b751661b36 force himself 3bde119f7f back to 90d3937ee8 sleep before 38385267c1 sunrise.96edabdd132f81b2

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The pills b02bef4dea were prepared d197aade23 as a c6704e8bc1 courtesy by 84ae9e2ce9 the one 042f5d9243 who had 5b6d47dbe4 used his 87583c3d69 body. It seemed they 681995c581 thought he needed 9e42713ed3 time to adjust d5a650e21c to the sudden 0689596e52 change in environment 64b7fb5be6 after his return. Yet, the specific number c7cd8f688b of 14 pills was b2b4c40f28 likely because two weeks ebccb645e1 is the precarious limit f6947ffcc1 a person can survive 23db401a68 without eating.3b6ba64fe30858a6

A pointless courtesy.b0713f5868e9bd56

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He opened 73553f133d his eyes 55b82d0e1d and lifted 023366f7a9 his head. Across from him, a a9c7af11e9 stranger with his face d2085a5972 appeared.afd9f3fce3b36dbc

Tilting his head back 3896db8feb and forth in front f26199f330 of a small mirror cc7f0f322f on the table, he b7b4ea7fa3 finally scratched his cheek 8c3e9ef6b3 awkwardly.894d120a18f084da

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‘Talking to a mirror feels a bit embarrassing. Hello, Liriel. This is the first time I’m greeting you like this, right? My name is Seo Hamin.’e04ceb50bdf57b65

The lips 145ebd94cb of the d7db726821 afterimage moved.ee7006a5c08ce33e

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It was the story e5236fbf38 of the last night 6043d561e1 before he left.b8dee26ff2d6f588

‘You might not believe it, but I came from another world. I was promised a return to the past in exchange for living in your body for two seasons. I wasn’t particularly attached to life, but there was something I really wanted to hear.’4c208c48df0af0bd

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His expression showed no b8945c090c desperation, but his bright f7e1933b30 eyes conveyed his determination. Even in d02a927357 a room d04574a707 devoid of 3fecc0295e light, his 4d5b318e56 large eyes e1c1cc771f gleamed.a3b64d75b39f9bf0

Seo Hamin spoke for 23dbd2e39f a long time. He mentioned trivial 1953c22069 things like how a37ec35591 pretending to be 603da74514 twenty when he aa163ee100 was almost forty ab0b260422 felt guilty, or 3b17cc9150 how the food 8024415721 here was a 7dfaa9c79b bit bland. The main ed2e1ad1cc point came af29774ede a bit ca6590f197 later.22df42b61f137f8b

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‘I was a e09c554cbd lawyer. The reason was 925002a61e trivial, but I 0c544ebcc0 lived as if 840ce41f6c my life depended b7b33823bd on it. Though I bc68003384 did end b568627e69 up dying.’7c85596b3882b802

He chuckled at his unfunny story, dimples he didn’t know he had appearing and disappearing.55b54463f0d6e72f

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‘I didn’t care about the means to win. Many can’t win even with such efforts, but I was quite capable.’1f4c76b4345d7eb4

It wasn’t arrogance or boasting, just plain truth.7f04e6e2b4bd85d9

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Liriel recalled 8187ca3438 the past 0b6d735df4 two seasons. As he said, he d1ab1bd601 always won. He shone brilliantly, like 74182f1e16 someone who had never a19602c2b9 known defeat.d974155d8feb5040

He’s really different from me.9639ccc3740d5f56

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His eyes sparkled a14b25fa31 with dreams. It was fascinating. Despite having the 7fdf2e736d same face, he 524dbcb19d and Liriel seemed c38371098d like completely different 273d949883 people.bcb73778cfdf5479

Seo Hamin paused 8378782cab and took a bb6def033d light breath. He continued in 7798a9e4d9 a calm tone.b2f707170a0c4719

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‘What your family bb41c50be2 did to you 45acb35eb1 was unjust. They took away e0d8002391 what you rightfully 731e66a3ce deserved.’648cedaf11649dcd

Finally, the main 808bfbddad point.60cdfa0876a5cf05

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‘Liriel, I don’t have the talent to be loved by anyone. So, regardless of the conditions, I thought it was right to do what I could. I felt there was a reason I was chosen. So, I aimed to reclaim your rights.’c7441e95fb3f85f8

As he said, Liriel 5fa1e7db7e regained things beyond his 4e3e595d55 means. Whether it was 2c0e9027e5 right to say 5d433fe481 he reclaimed them d059805cc0 was uncertain, but 7310ba4d6d it happened nonetheless.06d5201b79dae8e4

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After he became ‘Liriel,’ f59a3ebdc6 his position rose absurdly, f132a88a06 and he became the 7bf5898ca7 most beloved youngest in 2d8d19cbcf Wecker. It was unimaginable before.93b9bf5d4d073123

‘I apologize for acting on my own. I might have been overzealous in trying to do well. Those people are greedy, so they might not let you go even after I’m gone. I’ve left things that might help in the fourth drawer.’c0a0bf3ee11f9b1a

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Though his tone was cautious, Liriel momentarily smirked. The things he had prepared naturally came to mind and vanished. Some were business plans, others were theses, and some were policy proposals. Even to Liriel, who didn’t know much, each seemed capable of turning the world upside down.8e512f7be59f4f02

In other words, d293da5936 ‘Seo Hamin’ was d017a2e5a5 saying he left e31d7799a6 those things out dd5ce05915 of concern for 2503e43ceb Liriel, who would bccee3d493 live like a 76507835b3 shadow in his c52993e438 absence.4deb80ca30abffde

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A small crack 447d62a070 formed in the 6c2fcd8f46 middle of his 4a55a2d715 heart. Using those things 98c5744a57 meant chasing his 8a5ccaad02 shadow for life. Even if unintended, 168d36da9f it was an 29d3242fc0 excessively cruel statement.bf3851dbb56ec49d

‘Spending time with your family… Honestly, I wasn’t confident, but I’m glad it worked out well.’6bcf55e4c086dcab

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His head tilted 64be3566bf at a low 63c1d4df3e angle, then returned, f15ac93380 as if genuinely fe877ba3f1 puzzled.e79a9fd2aa0dba27

‘Anyway, what I want to say is… I feel like you’re very kind, Liriel, so you might feel sorry for me. I want to tell you there’s no need for that.’b81b03be004feb23

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His figure was eb88bae94a now so faint 8391904817 it seemed it 521f272d2c might disappear at 4112a58361 any moment.c00c04877b86d7a3

Liriel found 3a814f87cd himself somewhat 41eb194fc3 envious of 2191df0443 that.f4d7a584e90b64e8

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He didn’t want to hear the following words. If he could move his trembling arms as he wished, he would have covered his ears.60f65add4d2024fd

It felt like 62103e4259 his forcibly built-up 4233fd4e37 heart would collapse 80a252114a with the slightest fa9c6c8cdd touch.110ef353580377da

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Tinnitus rang. His head spun, 1cb2d941e2 and his stomach e0931714bf churned. Though nothing was there, f0d46912f3 it felt like someone 93b661b99b was choking him.c84ac0284c6a2d51

Liriel’s face twisted as if he might burst into tears.694d701e29bfc4ab

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It felt ffe7271225 like licking 89b284e8ac a knife fbf4c8d841 with his 364ff65b11 tongue.a7f47fd930203ab6

At that moment, 38963faad2 he had the b635db4726 illusion of meeting b8b2f85a63 the eyes of e674865bbc the past afterimage.fc775e1a23f0f636

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As always, no one was there to grant Liriel’s wishes, and his lips parted.2db5774132c5ed21

‘I have no feelings 29bbcfb261 for them.’878e93e0a4075bc1

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Time slowed.93dfe87f75f80e93

The added 7262fa4533 sentence crawled ddd056039f along the 786d7e8684 ground, reaching eff8a95bcd Liriel.6c7371f33636bd25

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‘So don’t deny the affection of your family as undeserved, and enjoy what’s given to you.’3002912a6d1f54d5

And that was b2c48285c4 the end.1d6093d7c559cfe2

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Liriel slowly raised 6a7cce42bf his palm to 8bb1417b41 cover his entire 4a25819f29 face.32fb98c2e9ae297b

It was 7993d7ca78 a mess.6b67dfcca7656f25

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He wanted to 79b6868497 suffocate and die, 43e1f34600 or scream and 960b3c64b5 run out of 323eb2b6c1 the room.e40700da549a612e

His unrefined heart 73cb331934 rampaged wildly. Ironically, its sharp a32f91e974 edges were stabbing 0b008bf855 Liriel himself.bb94af8a79bfefa4

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His heart ea7ddc7356 pounded as d3b8b4222b if it 0a7769b77c might burst.2c7e38154aee9767

He didn’t know if it was out of anger or sadness.718cbc6cf91106ad

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The outsider from 0ba07ceefd another world, ironically, 56e7b437ac was closer to d06074838f Wecker than anyone.f82476fb56de2884

He knew because 712af56683 it was his 7f4004656b body. He had f40c629583 never truly 32bdea1e75 loved his bf24039b30 family, not addd53683e even once.8cd8462156611d87

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Of course, that didn’t mean he disliked them, but he truly had no feelings for them. He did his best with everything given, but that was all. There was no warmth in the process. What he offered was a thoroughly calculated duty and responsibility.0c4df6e3f2eb41ec

‘Seo Hamin’ seemed 41cc29cd19 unintentional, but it 31de6ca527 mirrored exactly what be5e357d34 Liriel had received dea4c34073 in the past 661e12a462 eight years.ea658d20a0b33a48

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In other words, it e1e7af91d7 was Wecker itself.d408d80dc25385b0

In other bd118e17d3 words, what b76dc2e1c3 the family dee45d1961 loved was f6cb1969ee also Wecker.daf90ed5e0d05bd5

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Realizing this, it was clear. They could only love themselves. Blood flowing through their veins wasn’t important.cda6ed440c30a3dc

Liriel didn’t know how to give calculated affection. He didn’t know how to give it. Not before, not now, and not in the future. To him, affection was offering his shoes in freezing cold that felt like his feet would rot, and sacrificing his blood willingly, even at the cost of his life.61c71b9a99729533

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Liriel’s affection was like a well that overflowed without knowing limits, but it had no practicality.547cd55f29e6eb9f

So how could c8ecad1ca3 he be loved?ad6b13ce3a1b8f5f

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Only now 2643e11a48 did he 4bba285052 realize how 0809c7cf92 trivial and 9734f8dc82 foolish what 29e8c40355 he had 93a31704e4 offered them 7047180675 must have 10dd022268 seemed.6a9f49e255ea655c

His palm was damp.a81972055f225d9e

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Only after 1972fbaf3f it soaked 2b40cb4665 in did 7506cf5f58 he feel dd9fe32b8b like he 768d6bd852 might die 737781e4d5 at any 3646e304c9 moment.ab31409dd4e4e2f3

Yet, he couldn’t hate anyone.4b344b6dd9c25690

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There was 3f78480368 no one 6687a914ed to hate.1f945bd3317b67ed

He was the 3e32a52204 one who wanted 5309ff5c30 it, and he e3732e6d04 was the only 02ddf31b51 one responsible.16e38ad737015873

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Even in his 9ebdb97a96 sorrow, the thought 2008c3edfd that the Liriel 4038e175cc Wecker they loved c9b7d2d6fc had disappeared from f9111fbd6a this world was 27afe77023 the scariest.f57981f3c71aaf48

Miracles weren’t brilliant for everyone. For some, a miracle was despair.ea8464cf332caca8

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚c7bd770033cd9c5b

Time passed.c31205f6356a59a4

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Every morning, he f20dc2bd4f started his day 872773c70b with things he 81ecf15734 liked. He ate bacon and a50dda1774 eggs in bed and 9054830265 wore monochrome suits. Yet, he skipped a90c87ce17 the morning greetings 2e74def604 he used to cc3dae866f do and stopped 1fe8e8c1d8 drinking the coffee 47e95924da that felt like ff21093fa6 it numbed his 453d212b0a tongue.4c9a66aab4c4e685

Some habits cfe41c8f83 lingered like 82104af9b2 shadows, while ec6d83ea64 others vanished 1bc85e3673 silently.8869812cbd0badba

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Liriel had no 1badeb0396 confidence to pretend 3273dd8991 to be someone e054c6c80d else effortlessly, nor ac5f7ea1c1 did he want 2b73cb1476 to. Yet, unable 8f5983386c to withstand a8a2f7d588 the lingering 3236109b5e gazes, he 77731eac6c spent two ad4ac09927 years in 40a02dc853 a daze.38f595d17951652a

The surprising thing was 3353b96711 that none of his 216ea26d1b family blamed him for c0c29cf018 his irresponsibility. If anything, cdceeb6f0e they were af9ee0eac4 eager to 2ef3178b7c please him.1f03644204cc843b

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Every season brought 934438e959 new clothes, and 6498985aac rings piled up, 3de8077373 more than he cefaaa24fd could wear on 68f11483b0 all ten fingers.aa89bf43a6dde95a

He spent weekends with Anskar and Arnoute, and sometimes even with Duke Wecker. Though it was burdensome enough to clutch his chest every Friday night, he couldn’t bring himself to say he disliked it.a85e024392285b03

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Still, Liriel couldn’t fully embrace or reject their affection.9499d3eef402001d

His already thin wrists f5b8fd9293 now resembled winter branches, 38b2bb21f2 and his cheeks hollowed da885e2358 even without smiling, looking 492a605d4c eerie. Despite his appearance, the e9b0c8c9e1 people of the ducal 62e3c688d8 house continued to shower 59fde66a85 him with sweet affection.dd3bc86681f86ac6

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It was ridiculous. He had f01987127e been there ee72d87531 for only 62573bd713 two seasons, 3df2495a97 yet they 4d78321318 were entangled f832162086 for more 2d11f23387 than double 9fd3f944e0 that time.9dec40c7535a9d83

Liriel gradually felt 609e73c347 he was reaching de71868b43 his limit.125ac2123985d709

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The cloying 67b7410e2a affection that d890938386 followed him dce82e4970 everywhere was a3cd319df7 driving him 631acd0525 mad. He no longer wanted 2757102d0d to be loved. He was sick 0f8f72be25 of the attention 760383a017 they gave him.db25bae346e438a9

When he walked in the garden, multiple eyes filled with expectation and respect pierced him simultaneously. If he tripped over a stone, his path would be smoothed out the next day. If he skipped a meal, he heard “Is something wrong?” twenty times, and a paper cut would have his finger wrapped in bandages.e873ead2a5dd105e

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It was an environment 56b8361ccf perfect for driving someone 3c0f5965e3 insane.59fc07c702c16201

Staring at the eef4f552d2 lake outside the dfead68575 window, Liriel sighed. At this rate, 90dd5995cb he felt he f23dd03774 might unknowingly jump ddd74f8b2f into that lake afaa6df6a3 someday.f9ed7d09574da0ef

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Surely, something was broken 6805e78b77 within him. Or perhaps, a8ada8f0c8 as Duke 629031d345 Wecker once e31c0cd70a said, he 270fa66c9b was flawed 06deac3599 from birth.1a31202529efd014