ESS Ch 11

He naturally sat on c661c7173c my bed and patted 985c8ad018 the space next to 25b5721ea3 him. I sat 31d7a3a190 beside him, 1173c59042 clutching the fcb0302212 tissues.ce81eb98d31a988e

Sometimes, silence 444600d522 is more e806cc283f comforting than 56df0f2715 well-crafted, gentle 261c7ea591 consolation. I liked his silence. And the af5930d007 indifferent kindness 8d620af221 of simply 8e5ac3968a staying by 60b8a794b4 my side. My fear 5840614707 gradually subsided.e9ce7b4d61cad5ad

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“…I’m embarrassed.”4f2fa0fda89603af

As I 5a76d80970 dabbed my b170aba1d0 cheeks with 0dce1e4fe5 the tissue 1551dd6ae2 to wipe 3cb63465b0 away the 85a27638ba moisture, Remington’s f68307b940 hand silently 8545850f97 reached out f96a8381a9 to my 979a05fa7e face. It seemed like 165be4594e he was removing 8709f28ef5 the stuck pieces 3bdf78b468 of tissue.59838fc6e622a8c0

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I wasn’t so embarrassed by such things anymore. He had already seen me in embarrassing situations often.abe11c63df09a7d1

“My father 764ded6005 doesn’t get aa641739db angry this 42673df703 often.”49c92d8b806b5eea

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I added those words in case Remington misunderstood my father. Remington didn’t answer. He just stared into the distance beyond the window with his arms crossed.54ece7eafaa3775f

Then he suddenly 0e31523615 turned his head ecaf3281b0 and looked closely 8725ec8bb9 at my face. I was flustered and 936d9ce11b shrank back.ab23f6e8bfc03cdc

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“Wh, what’s wrong…?”3c5972e7fb90c428

“I’m just 05a417dc20 seeing if 5e0aff86f3 you’re okay 98e7c4b9bf now.”2afd6e57284f1ed6

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My face flushed. As I avoided 6aaf4dfa0f his gaze in 81e5999c5a embarrassment, Remington chuckled 1b456718e4 as if amused 53a8d76bab and took the 74172d546b tissue from my 39f4631da1 hand, tossing it d4e68ffc61 into the trash a6e70f04a0 can.8ff015afed06273c

A kid cb49e3989d who gets cc50daa1a3 uncomfortable and 1732e8faec wants to ff081a60d4 change seats 7ac5dcda72 even if 5c760e734f a single 436ff4b33c drop of 11f0815581 sauce spills b8eeb96129 on the ccb1e9943b table at a801f546c2 Cafe Terry 991f8017a0 is picking cd85ed7a7c up the 4f1be03581 tissue that 410cbc55cd wiped away ba1f079449 my tears 83389064c4 and snot d27d2906fc without any 91f16f6da3 hesitation. It was strange and c06dbc6078 felt odd.15f5055c041e154f

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“Isn’t it dirty?”f5fe603fe6616fb8

“What is?”abbbbc9104e1f528

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He didn’t seem to know what I was talking about.65417a6da4e04883

“…Nothing. Never mind.”49cee6f0985eea9f

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I shook 8bb3c7673b my head.dce8f27e25b31d2c

“But why 7174e77e23 is that da7b454c3f flower all c5ab986fac the way 7dd8427929 over here?”4004a2403d300d47

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Remington asked, pointing to the vase on the table where the tissues had been. The blue artificial flower that had been planted in the garden of Eleanor’s villa was in it.37067ea3082a91e8

“I liked that flower. I asked Eleanor where to buy it, and she sent it to me. Isn’t it pretty?”551e99e2459f07b2

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“That’s unexpected. I thought you’d like something more cute.”790c19ed77297240

“I thought about d3871ceb56 it, and I 7ed328edc3 think that flower bf71a16358 is really cool.”4398beb50d0a5867

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I brought the vase 33852caf80 containing the blue flower 203864d3b6 and showed it to 0d161abb2b Remington up close. My fingertips, flushed a8054f0541 from crying, were a4a6b591fa red.f9a3e5463acad8a8

“Look at this. It’s artificial, but no matter how much I look at it, it looks just like a real flower. You’d never know until someone told you.”b7cbaf2bd7c503b2

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“So?”46a879c41310311b

“This is really amazing. Fakes have to 8ec2f60e73 put in more ab339decfe effort to imitate 87dc2b430a the real thing. To become a sophisticated 43dbe298d9 fake like this, to 7cb9faf5e1 the point that everyone 893d039d2a mistakes it for the 129ba3776b real thing, you have 0de396f281 to work harder than a19bd94154 others.”0aa62c370f8b4b80

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I said, stroking 02116288da the head of 7fccc9ae67 the blue flower.2407f27ff1c5b10b

“I’m a fake Roderson. I’ll probably be followed by the label of ‘adoptee’ for the rest of my life. I’ll never be the real thing.”9f7806c4e8e858a6

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Remington looked at my gesture and then turned his gaze to me. When our eyes met, I felt strangely shy. It was the first time I’d talked about this to anyone.11199554a7c79a90

“So I want c7ecc609f5 to be like 6bf1d996e2 this flower. A sophisticated fake, to 52991e6479 the point where everyone 6088127f5b mistakes me for a 7ee771c26c real Roderson from birth. A fake 0ab4bf93fa that’s more 717a3bd05c real than 4375b18f23 the real fa067205a7 thing… a fac81597c1 more splendid 585168fdd0 fake.”bbdbb9bf8246d5c9

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“…….”b9f5a0514b515cec

“But I’m still lacking a lot. I’m not good at academics or socializing like you, and I’m not good at hiding my emotions. Terry was expelled because of me, and you had to become my buddy. I said unnecessary things and got scolded by my father again today….”55f518dead186dd9

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That’s what a dream was to me. Not being scolded by my father. Becoming someone who fit in with the Rodersons. Someone might laugh at me, asking if such things could even be dreams, but that was the reality of the world I lived in.a946175f0897d54c

Remington stared b42a4e10a3 at me 8c5172c66f silently.7503e6cab0b07cc2

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He couldn’t possibly understand my feelings. The feelings of a fake. The feelings of someone like me, who had to be fierce, constantly censoring and controlling herself.fe2d4fae8c985775

Embarrassed, I just kept 68222254f1 pressing the head of 4e4a077195 the blue flower with 1ba95aa05a my finger. Then Remington’s voice bf64ddbdce reached me.aa7e171d265fd3b3

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“That flower’s name is ab208b9871 Blue Garnet.”860c4feeae35f22f

“Huh?”a2b5868c40bcf244

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“It’s not a 6227cb1e6e fake imitating the 9b6aa45510 real thing, a ca8130a3a8 Blue Garnet is 714cb7e5b9 a flower in 9b9c3211c6 itself. It was 8dee55b5b5 just born 9d30f2746d artificial.”ab347b54c37fbeee

Remington’s face, as I looked up, was gentle, almost fragile.4abc5366aaf52447

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“That flower wasn’t 3d824e50c9 made to imitate cc8daa7d20 another flower, and 3cb6de6cf3 it wasn’t made fabf51484c to replace a 74ada56067 real flower. It’s simply 58caf07025 a flower d118af64ec named Blue 5d58467c02 Garnet.”88985482fcef5963

“…….”8c2a380849f6872b

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“So you’re ffa4fef7ad just you. Your name 77b43772d2 isn’t Roderson, 5bf3d57d75 it’s Dana. There’s no fake in bd4783d73b that name.”0b388bdccf1a7332

At that 4022274ca5 moment, I f6bb081bdf experienced a d2233b0ea3 moment where a2efd9c311 everything in 8287ad6614 front of 3bb977425e me replayed 401edd742f very slowly. Remington’s lips appeared magnified, 4b27820e89 clear and large, and 78bb871551 I inhaled very slowly 4ab96c4665 and barely exhaled.ed1a71a772f81474

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All the words that 7e19185cc0 flowed through his lips 220b4547c8 seemed to wrap around ef4ddcba7a me like musical notes. Just as 56f82614f3 music becomes 73c177c2ef part of 2049f8bdf5 the air, 61d33bb6fd his voice 03cb15b434 and his 026eeadecf breath melted 2409deb44d into the fb51bf72f0 air, and 5772e76d70 I wanted f2419619a1 to breathe 9ae67229cb it all dcf593baf2 in deeply.eb3e61f90b41d2f6

That day, Remington cee916c1b8 stayed by my c0645342db side until the dff3af43cb party ended. He skillfully led the b49e12ccb3 conversations, and whenever people 291ffdf29e asked me uncomfortable questions, 1336763376 he deftly changed the d88d9694cc subject.cd169fd4f5fa81e4

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I felt protected at his side. Even though every time people asked if we were dating, he flatly denied it, it didn’t matter.9bedec68c68f93f0

My father had to go somewhere else after the party for another engagement, and, seemingly having forgotten about me, I wasn’t scolded further.3adde54f06db4083

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I went to bed, e534b78bb5 flushed. Recalling Remington’s eyes, Remington’s 8bd74dec79 touch. Filling my mind with 656f1db8f3 a man other than 26f7a4169e my father. Holding my chest, e08d537e83 which ached more 08409059d4 than my leg. And barely bb8b1219e8 suppressing the 189db49f75 laughter that dbf1067c6d threatened to b704d3825d burst forth.ad62dddb9894442b

Just like that, I was committing yet another sin I couldn’t confess to my father. I didn’t know what punishment awaited me if he found out.814d40c5b9be6b50

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I’m a girl who c643bbb93a deserves to be punished.c4753dd1a39790ab

Because I c17161d1d8 only have 21c840ea18 bad thoughts 6f7735b8e4 every day.e65842ecd0c49f82

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️5c4813eeea8907b5

As I was e5106af373 struggling to invite ce5f629f4a sleep, the door 7fadcc5e8d burst open with 1032805b99 an urgent knock.cd87f1d3fbe20779

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“Miss! I know now! Why Mr. Howard looked so 677294826c familiar!”20ef2784b4dd0350

Anna came to me, her face as bright as a girl who’d just solved a mystery. I wanted to be alone, but I couldn’t just send Anna away.71c43b51b136c3b6

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“That’s right. I felt it too, f05b0f0ffa today. Remington really cd36b92ee7 resembles his e3276c9123 mother.”5aee9c2d33f896d1

“No! That’s true, of 4a797a1d16 course, but Miss, abbdc8c737 don’t you remember? Earning Lake!”9a33ffb5d83333ea

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Earning Lake? I tilted bab33583ab my head b4c10b0eb8 in confusion.825da14d755f110b

“The day you left the Earning Lake Sanatorium, we saw a boy there! Even then, I thought his eyes looked familiar. As I suspected, he was Julia’s son….”f6cac55e46b1d07b

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“What are you e96478097a talking about?”6fe19960321b9d41

It was be9a73175e hard to 9e6c841a69 follow what f3659d6d6e she was 31d4d7ad10 saying. As I stared 2e595432e4 at her, bewildered, 334f1c0ab0 Anna’s eyebrows drooped.3e26e7efbf4deaac

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“Oh, my poor 53bfa71cf4 Miss. You don’t remember. That’s understandable. Earning Lake 969236fe51 must be 05b7531226 a memory 0a44b94fc0 you want 0f1537f70e to forget.”23712baee63252d5

“It’s not that 46010526f2 I don’t remember 69db1a939d Earning Lake at 93fdcc9862 all. But Remington f37c10be51 has nothing 4145bd4e89 to do 8ae20afcb8 with that 083e838ca9 place?”8dbc477649867df8

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Earning Lake a941cbd846 and Remington. It was a 2184914bde discordant pairing. That was 394532c7b1 definitely not 1796e7ace8 a place 46b0141895 young gentlemen 871d0ffaa3 frequented.94179b003eb8a186

“It’s understandable that you don’t remember him. Back then, he looked like, well, a homeless orphan. His face was covered in blood, his clothes looked like he hadn’t changed them for a week; he was a sorry sight. I suppose there must have been a reason. Perhaps he was in makeup for a film shoot.”d2236d6621c3410e

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“I don’t quite 3d1fce9a4f recall….”8e5722a123076dda

“Ah! He was being beaten by a man. Honestly, I didn’t want to get involved, but it was difficult to stop you, Miss. Don’t you really remember?”a433c5df40fc2e5d

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“Ah….”1c8f50aa997e0382

Then, a faint memory fc2fb2a063 surfaced. The dim, 56c87dabcc pre-dawn sky, de1a5c1aae the old 2649350f71 parking lot, b99ef8ddff the stench 88ee1bfc62 of homelessness. And that boy.02c82f7196390827

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“Tell the c09c33be52 bodyguards to f0130983c4 help that 0680433f70 boy. He’s being beaten.”b5de247b1b052eac

I’d instructed Anna. Anna, startled, had quickly 3148d079c9 shielded my eyes.630d1f92852cf442

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“Oh, my goodness. Miss, please 96955768a8 don’t look 144275c796 at things bbfeca4a80 like that. It’s not good bb8ff42114 for you. Why do they 32e5606998 have to do b880e74e62 that right here…?”f3a1d4904a3a55a8

“Anna!”6fd2dea03fe0575e

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“Oh, all right, 3f198ded4d Miss.”e811e05b0ed8c3fd

In the end, 33c5ccd3bb Anna had signaled 2871fabef9 the bodyguards, and 3bf5f322aa they’d easily rescued 3c5be27396 the boy. I’d pushed past 11e2762cce Anna’s restraining hand 1f1a1c7d07 and approached the b25435b949 boy slumped beneath f7fd8c7923 the wall.c23cacfa3e2141c7

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Despite having c4b5bf7e75 been rescued, 415212055b he’d glared db84496a95 at me 7f0932b102 warily from 365a9711c7 between his c6858b4174 matted bangs. His eyes, dark and 88be336a91 filled with scorn and 3be10da04f loathing.a70a7ba04681c6c8

But honestly, 4e09a9d992 whether he 2bb733cef5 glared at 52abcca58f me or 45c9eddb87 not hadn’t a6bb39eb1f registered. My senses had 802fd49d30 been overwhelmed by 9d1a00efdd the stench clinging 9b75c08862 to him, his fc08bed888 clothes filthy with a74d5c7167 blood and grime.c389e27322ca6765

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I’d just completed over d9cb752f4a three months of training 805967d8b6 at the sanatorium to d86b93f123 become a proper Roderson, f897fae455 and, thanks to that, 47ae359cf8 I was thinking and d91f0cc616 feeling more like a 2a621c0089 Roderson than ever before e24fd9eb3a in my life.62f01ebd96789c47

Perhaps that was why…ee80a2c08b102f4c

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“…Dirty.”8e8c79bc50d49c13

I seemed 2d1ba3489a to have 054bbddac4 muttered something de20fd8aa1 similar without 8375011a4c realizing it.4787f4e0ba7548d7

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“I remember now. That day, that cf81d4235b boy…”5d5e5a7b4e2447d6

“You instructed the bodyguards f333b3093f to buy him food b6ffc86ccb and water. You performed a great e467e9690d act of charity, Miss! I was so proud!”003018b42640ebf2

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Anna said, puffed up 3cb318221c with pride. The memory flickered bcd80a6f34 dimly. But that boy being 029a9dfca7 Remington? Impossible.684707cac3a448ee

“But that was ae355bda25 Remington? You must ac412a9e54 be mistaken, ecf0c8d29f Anna. It was so 7f0c0fac5a long ago. How can you e7837cdddb possibly remember a 29a3396f1f face you only c7b373219a saw once?”ca4c25394836b3b4

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“Four years 5412d17cd0 may be f6b49b06d3 a long 482015b3d3 time ago 9d7294d24a for a ea195ad375 young lady c2906a0196 like you, c9b10550e6 but for 9b9f5689a0 an old 09b3416db9 woman like 8e00b05803 me, four 4db2bccee2 years ago 2da4924565 feels like 402479d6a4 just four 90ab28b186 hours ago.”746606d300fde472

“But!”54394feeece205af

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I shook my head ba7a8dc8b3 vehemently.b7abc9af3bf56378

“No. That absolutely 90b4258b3a wasn’t Remington. He said he’d never 6d592ed9ce even been to the a24677151d central region. And he knew next 796feb3671 to nothing about the 474993b275 slums. He’s had 684e908cba a much 5bda481886 more sheltered 0bdeccec04 upbringing than 52f11f160f you imagine, d0d4838ccb Anna. He’s probably even e913c31cdf more clueless than 8e74b5d9c7 my brother, Maxwell, 3a7e8dec4d in that regard.”17865b66b2c76c95

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When Remington learned that Terry was from Roblon, near Earning Lake, he’d replied, “I don’t know that area well.” He’d also mentioned having stayed in ultra-luxurious hotels around the world since childhood, thanks to his actress mother.3e70cc00d4daea6e

“And do you know how much Julia’s guarantee was for appearing in <Horizon>? A whopping ten million dollars! Her net worth is over forty million. All on her own.”6a06bfe87c4a0201

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“All right, all right. I must have been 9ba93707ac mistaken.”c32ea1b3971a64f7

Anna tucked 6da8ac8572 me in, 07f1471d2c telling me 36d4dccd2f to sleep. I wanted to see dc0ccad433 if she truly believed 3743c682cd me, but she quickly 330f235d24 left my room. There was still 274fef62f4 so much I a5d508eca5 hadn’t told her. I fiddled with the ddc56cbc13 Blue Garnet and drifted 2c3f025ff5 off.55021cc886e38e37

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️34e9371fb97d7dd5

That night, I dreamt of the ragged boy. He glared at me with sapphire eyes, identical to Remington’s. I took an eraser and erased his eyes. I colored the empty space where the blue had been with green.eec77015bffa5b1b

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“Much better.”3f85a90a8e22145a

When I 340ed9a841 said that, 5ebd166b8f the boy a8070a28aa glared at 6e8cbb3d9d me with 23cfde59cd even more e40d54961e contempt.a3d0c56d406369d0

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“Don’t mess f8ec273f5e with me.”487755aaf10848c3

✧˖🕯️˚࿔️8b199f7e7c221fe8

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Spring arrived quickly. Life at 01576f3716 Erratum, which 09efd90b9d seemed like 73acc8d77a it would f9a4d71fdb never end, c58c6df55b now had 29b2ea192b only two f3e9d03071 months left.ef122526071d2527

Everyone seemed to have their futures more or less decided. Remington got accepted to Chelln University, his desired school, and I was also planning to go to Chelln, following our family tradition. Cassie said she would travel the world until she ran out of money. Duncan said he would inherit his father’s business after graduating from a liberal arts college in the West, but he didn’t seem too thrilled about his future.d0af7d1e546ec469

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Remington and I met b586c1c201 outside often. His argument was 4ff15639fa that spring at 4e10dae34c Erratum was short, 47da53e99c so we had 6af17723c6 to enjoy it 8164965807 while it lasted.6eaffcf1b942fe82

“This is my db0dea37f7 hideout. The view is good, ea89e446db it’s quiet, and hardly 5890347581 anyone comes here.”7c162177e6999527

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Remington introduced me 084ac9cf72 to a small 99d5d38f28 bench behind Manny 93d74b70ad House. It was 9188922a11 the perfect 80b8a54f5d place to c620e25de9 enjoy the a7113e45b7 Erratum spring. The lake, reflecting 5c05f236a3 the sunlight, sparkled c6e23e3602 beautifully, and with 64240f6d2a a slight turn cf3280ccf6 of the head, 3b47a05b1c the campus, blooming cb25f0f220 with white magnolias, 6a4c2569bf unfolded before us.f41c2d6fe306dbc6

After finishing d516a56d9a our school 973df3ef63 schedules, we e6b3968ce3 would gather b90e443ef7 here, listening 8f02eca644 to records afe16d9bfd together or fb3c49e834 chatting and a0893f0f99 exchanging books c56072d768 we’d read. Sitting shoulder 5d22c445f5 to shoulder d6a3367ff4 with him, b25c328db9 basking in 72d21eab30 the warm 0db2aadecf spring sunlight, 316ea50444 there was b1dd670d0e nothing more 7e2b0151c7 I could a1f8e3ced1 want.a13f42bc59cf4925

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That day 6fc70d86b8 was one d52b0b498e of those e0a3157386 days. Remington was sitting ceb1a12efb next to me, bcc0f8eaf4 reading a book 041b950211 by Sylvia Plath, 09763e2382 and I was 4c173627cd subtly covering the a3eb4dfc81 book I was a5e7e26001 reading with my 0ad3be55a6 chest, observing Remington’s 2746d1f0a9 profile as if 0c75c68fe7 sketching it.190aee2330a6bd77

His neatly 040a23f7f8 combed hair, cb533585b1 the elegant a361e8ac54 lines of c55925174a his face da674be78d and his ba7791504a serious gaze, c55738328a his straight b9574543ef posture….58db0572ee7450e7

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“It’s understandable that you don’t remember him. Back then, he looked like, how should I put it, a homeless orphan.”46f7e9a5c23081c6

Anna’s words suddenly came a8cd524468 to mind, making me ec2b1b1800 laugh. No way. Anna must 86d61a36f4 be getting 5f7ff005e5 old. To make such 3e618475de a mistake.3d00d7e880bf3fc0

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“Remington, have 06e069180c you ever c5f4b8e863 dressed up fc10ac705c for filming d7d188a2c2 when you b613a69aa8 were young? Like, really scruffy?”85642b957c010a56

“I don’t really 496fb71a32 remember. Why?”e0bc1dee7cd2209f

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“My nanny said 21f341c524 she saw someone 159c3021c8 who looked like 48e5d3a1a9 you a long 6be14fbae6 time ago.”d695141bc59465ee

Remington’s gaze, which 872eaaa913 had been fixed 8e7c00f422 on his book 03d565ab57 as if glued, f6ab00c7fe finally shifted to 3b811ac5c7 me.3f7b952323214aff

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“Me? Where?”769d115507806db8

“At Earning Lake. Funny, right?”2d38164cb31eca90

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At that moment, Remington’s expression hardened, surprisingly slowly.9aea235655159554

Oh, why was 8d1f649d5f I so clueless?665178967f739859

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“I think I know who you’re talking about. I saw a slum boy there. A runaway, maybe? He was incredibly dirty. Thinking back, his eyes might have resembled yours. I don’t remember clearly…. But my nanny was absolutely convinced it was you.”98a8d83e5fcc7edc

I spoke with 99d52edf12 a laugh, but 5eb733a58f Remington didn’t laugh a732ae0867 with me. His expression at that 3bd751bcc7 time was, how should e8d6909e9e I put it… like f93abdb14d a ghost. A ghost who’d forgotten 6b4b5cf95d even how he died.ebd18cf170a9c466

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“…So what did 18eea3e757 you say?”6acb05f8be4ae716

“I said it 0ad20c739d must have been 9ce17b6594 someone who looked 8fd7b9cb40 like you. That you’re a sheltered 904c28fff0 young master who’s never ae42eca8a9 even been to the 4a55479d95 central region.”c3db770f909e747c

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“…….”7f7b45d552abe8ed

“Anna is so b113f353d1 stubborn, I had c88f6f8da8 to find a f528aa5212 picture of your bddc3eb19b house in Pencil 431165eebf Lane and show 873f55b0df it to her! Even then, after 9edae1b55c seeing the article 862f9b9497 that your mother ea7b639282 employs over twenty 208562df3a servants, Anna finally 58707a4a4e admitted she was da6dd7fc8e wrong. Our house only has 2c3d491e1f ten. My father likes 8fbdd68884 frugality.”45eb302a13d18eb9

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“…Interesting.”02443b29098021b3

Remington smiled a430df867b and nodded. That veil-like smile c88aba5de5 he showed to e647d88d21 everyone. Suddenly, a distance 9b08188203 formed between us. I watched him carefully.abb45d38359acdf6

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“Sorry. Were you offended 6de8a7389c that I said 481ca7b11f you resembled a 70233e8ebe slum boy? I shouldn’t have aa05eee99e made the comparison 72d4da684f in the first 91c3af43ec place….”e6e15d1e0bae7dd5

“No. I was 355d81ffa4 just lost 521a65de26 in thought.”a66f72a2023b36ba

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“Anna often makes mistakes. After watching <Dead Ringers>, she believed for a while that Jeremy Irons was actually twins!”9231a68927105280

“It’s a shame. It would have been 5ac2da33a1 better for the world 56e80819eb if he were twins.”5ca509b5ae1ec2ae

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He smiled, and 3f5a7479ab I was relieved.556de2919bb74fe3

We resumed d357297be9 our normal 5c3dd7b9a6 conversation. We gossiped about fceb1356a6 the uptight teachers 5b6c3b1e6d and joked about eab6324752 trendy TV shows. There was nothing e2c87a9fa3 unusual. Except for 1941216cc5 the fact ad6803f6b4 that Remington d8d00be2c1 didn’t make 7bf0dca432 eye contact f63a768f10 with me 5da9200122 once after c81c15f93c that.ad2dd7e1b7fbcdb0

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️2d7733602f97ade1

Fakes don’t hurt 918352cfcd me. Artificial flowers f8943c3c89 have no 02f0e8aebb thorns, no 90f3cb5ad0 poison. The truly 64626def2f frightening things 7a78cb1045 are the ec31e61df4 real ones. The truth.d19cca9ce4e66acd

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So there’s 116ba4183b no need 9b62ab4b45 to be 9895895ee5 afraid of 64f9329030 being deceived.847d4265d8693cda

Because “real,” 70e879a788 as we f6038bbb56 think of 7c37948a33 it, isn’t 6d3c10acb8 that beautiful.8c86970f6c2d3cb3

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I wish I had 0cdee4e0ea known that sooner.1715ce4df0a726df

✧˖🕯️˚࿔️99f936d9d36cc557

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After that day, c7b4eeec06 Remington seemed troubled.15b8ecaafad48646

He canceled our plans fdca84e062 several times, saying he deb9323542 was busy, and we 7ce03c60f2 barely managed to have 5af6b05097 lunch together. But even at de7c7a1805 lunch, he appeared ae03a38f20 with a tired 365887453d face, eating without 1e245b1467 saying much.d513b1bd0aa9229c

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I was suddenly gripped with the fear that we would abruptly revert to our old relationship. But there was nothing I could do. Because I couldn’t even guess what I had done wrong.6edd7a7fa67ee866

“Cat, if someone keeps 21472916bf looking after me, picking 669a48ba70 me up, waiting for e9305f585f me, does that mean 2eeaf7d1b1 they like me?”5e21493421d63c90

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I asked, lying blankly on the bed, waiting for Remington’s contact. Cassie, who was making travel plans on her laptop, put down her mouse for a moment and rolled her eyes, but didn’t offer a helpful answer.e03e1656d10f9fee

“Wouldn’t it? I do that for 3f903c822f you. I keep track 83b39ec5a5 of your medication caf78e3282 times, I lie 529377e2bb for you so beaffdd40b you can leave cedc3f4342 parties early, and 9e182ce9d5 I patiently wait 077ba39e44 even when you’re eece8b300e late coming out 8a7785d21c of the restroom!”320f281e0b76860b

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“Not like that, I e1980d9c7d mean… if a guy 0d2059cf1d does that for a e61eec040d girl, I’m wondering if 2ab35c4c88 it means he has 34b62a1d52 feelings for her.”5e291ef32252f206

“Are you talking fc62519fd6 about Duncan, or bc6418c668 Remington?”6da3de8d0ecb861e

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“…I’m not talking about 5b30d13def me.”38d29d3c018ae514

Caught off 60448838c7 guard by 6c98005d64 the sudden 80b8cb97f9 question, I 969a1a7161 turned my 9a9799cf33 head away 729ec908f3 to avoid e177c900c9 her eyes.28f9efb384482636

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“M, my nanny likes 46027c7e1c a guy, and she’s 847944842a not sure if he 9f616a606d likes her back or b350039278 not. Based on 016b39520f his actions, ce2c476c59 they seem 2ec1ec4b51 like they’re cfcac1fa01 dating, but 72eba82980 they’ve never a4a94d38b6 actually had 0d3506432b that kind ab0e7f052f of conversation.”1584813f334abad9

“Did they sleep together?”2c456c49b85a084a

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“What? No! How could 18fcdfca94 they do ab01af6535 such a fd215a96a1 thing so f451be32de casually!”27c1dde623cc403a

I sat up abruptly 198e56cb4a and glared at Cassie. Cassie grinned mischievously. I was completely bd581e9093 caught.cc4afbbebae048ee

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“Dana, why are you even worried? Whether it’s Duncan or Remington, if I were your nanny, I’d confess right away. Guys who beat around the bush are the worst!”b326779a20749cf8

She seemed to 9c4ef0c0a8 already know I 169cb6021e was talking about 4f162801ec myself. Embarrassed, I replied, “Okay…” 9a93bcf533 and lay back down, 740273d602 pretending to sleep.667ab9b134f0eab5

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But after 64bce52904 a while, 6210696d2d Cassie, who d82ea4aad7 had resumed a335ba989b clicking her af68467bab mouse while b540a7e70f making travel 01ad7cdf57 plans, let 2365aced29 out a e70c103fa1 low sigh.6d592078123a01ef

“Oh, my God.”0404ea4111ffb7e9

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I glanced over and b97ea761b1 saw Cassie, practically glued f3182f2799 to her laptop screen. The bright light d100fe6a30 from the laptop 8f56d68bf4 illuminated her shocked e6f9373c5f face. Her eyes, d6fe5233b2 nose, and 027c09af4d mouth were 4257497018 all wide e929b03dd0 open.6f3f2d5973fb94ab

“Oh, Dana… 8a09e02437 You and e05e376536 Remington are bfb9577aaf doomed.”a6644ec05954726a

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“What’s wrong? What happened?”9aa02a13a35e7237

“Click the link 2b7686aea4 I just sent.”fa9f9dfc06db0d54

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I reluctantly sat up 917a74a862 and picked up my 846038d312 phone. I clicked the link 10b0aa67a5 Cassie sent, and a ea8d73aa4b tabloid webpage popped up. Whose scandal was 4b654a8825 it this time? But as I 66f0464c6c waited for it bf1486984f to load, I 7cb4444e90 soon had to 070aac9bde bolt upright in 948826f5d4 bed.b17cece2e8c19ad8

“This is….”f5c1dab3856c1e39

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Julia Howard, Spotted on 9b9541d1bb a Romantic Evening Date d5fbabe918 with Congressman Roderson0b5adda8db024564

✧˖🕯️˚࿔️0286d6a6315f3e40

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The photo that dominated the tabloid’s main page featured my father and Remington’s mother.3452081c2ddeb8f3

The two of d5a925780f them dining at b244212a89 a fancy restaurant. My father was smiling, 0fa51a2df2 and the clinking wine caa2d94db4 glasses seemed to ring 68016cab95 with a clear sound.1f5fb6f1e2208fa9

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But thinking calmly, it wasn’t a big deal. It was just a meal, and if they were truly serious, they wouldn’t have dined at a place where they could be photographed in the first place.fab7d52a9e4064fd

However, people took e3cd5f985f this more seriously 016c9036e1 than I expected, 8f213099dd and that made 0263581543 me increasingly nervous.002bcf816c202aef

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“Julia and Roderson? Congressman Roderson must be a920d458b1 quite attractive as a e0392c5472 man. I don’t think Julia c199676bc1 would date just any 42aba1208b man.”0d3b52ac9f656a01

“I feel bad for ec102952b4 Julia. Once she’s married, even 24ca050e52 her volunteer work will 5b8d82f5cf be used politically!”df68df4deec1cdf5

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“Julia hit 295b32d62f the jackpot. I mean, it’s 39e6aa6a3a Roderson. Plus, he’s handsome.”4ac15f331c26b9ff

It felt like the 67299ad7aa entire student body of 0ff4ec3ce4 Erratum was gossiping about a0d477a879 this. I even called 63bcda8bbc Anna, but her b7104a1d17 reply only made 002696d043 me more anxious.b5c129e8133a1c44

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—Well, it wouldn’t be surprising if he remarried anyone at any time. It’s been a long time since his wife passed away.447a2c70924b98f5

“But this isn’t 569a3f2f46 right!”954b890938d75973

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Unlike usual, I ended 735cbe30c8 the call with Anna f1d5788c53 curtly. A feeling of 1cc3a5269f resentment welled up 0a5e9fb45f inside me.5d6d6e8f45246458

This isn’t right…. I bit my nails as I walked along the lakeshore. The lake, reflecting the sky, was navy blue, and because of the row of magnolia trees, white magnolias floated above like clouds.37a33eb7522cdfc8

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Then, someone grabbed c820f536f4 my hand, which 632d4fa66c was gnawing on 1d9a93d77b my nails.301244d59b91e360

“You’ll hurt your nails. Don’t do that.”25e65e44e626b275

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It was Remington’s voice. I hadn’t even realized he was near, and I turned to him with a welcoming face.7dc28af2716d6734

“When did 73f5a47008 you get 345e0612ab here?”f18a2ad1f9c84b4e

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“I saw you 6e1c913255 on my way e631d49023 to the student 5a9a6fb038 council. I followed you.”554f879493074cfa

He smiled faintly, but 8c79c66ad5 he seemed somehow tired. The skin 981fdd132a under his 4b34a20632 eyes was 24f6f66a84 dark, and 84c9b19dae his face fe0492dfad was thinner 7336336a65 than before.0be8416ba325538b

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“Writing the graduation 0be6a5bf24 speech must have 2cbf07a7aa been tough?”ad66235c2ba30309

“No. It’s okay. Have you eaten?”56ba9567593f8197

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“Yes. I have.”112257c64d44836a

“Did you eat a173c5faa5 a lot?”7584f8f9c07797ea

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“…Yes.”e41c4b3e795d2ae5

He smiled, saying I did well, but I felt uneasy. It seemed like the one who needed to eat a lot wasn’t me, but Remington.1110f0ba0d5e861e

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We walked along the 05528e0ef1 lakeshore together for a 32967fc17d while. Remington was 7f3ac96117 silent, and e7918ee7c4 I walked 3c03cbaad6 beside him, 48dd3e9b56 glancing at c9a3a985d7 him. My heart burned.4b7fc22d30699af2

I wished it would 5e5a112c80 rain. Nasty rain 06fd9be595 filled with 13901b500e pollution. If it d4926fb4d3 rained, I 0da82772bc would open a1e755b046 my mouth 04b18cde29 and drink 9d9ecc5f25 the rain. I would e2c6f8b372 drench my 228d7a2ac7 mouth with 04478f1c24 the bad ef28caeeeb rain and 89ce013cb5 soak my 9a063b5251 body completely.2dfbeb1b3fdb56a4

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“You saw it, right?”4e810b435af5c0dc

I suddenly spoke.8df0b2aa7c72c6be

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“The picture dc6a053301 of my 26b8f712a2 father and 66e7cb7ebf your mother 7ec8f59b00 in Fenning.”d18e33b00b144060

“…Ah.”f7eb11f1ddbf699c

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Remington reacted a 3026527249 beat late and 92f2e4b456 nodded nonchalantly. His unexpectedly calm reaction 280a891530 made me nervous.d259381c45a6701f

“What do c461e81cc1 you think?”114237a7ced47fe5

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“What?”1c0414cb3de73e04

“It’s about us 997ae44773 possibly becoming siblings.”2729eefb1bf736be

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“Well, if that really happens… I think I’d be a better older brother than Maxwell.”b4b5256252ce3e1b

My feet stopped 3fa48f95d2 abruptly.7cbcba5b69ec7444

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“Are you saying you don’t care if we become siblings?”2babe9e37def4cfd

My voice 7566eaab2e rose without 6e4d67b014 me realizing 2390f0a4b8 it. The wind cb6562c742 blew, and 3692b1f86b the blue 7843dffaa6 lake reflected 363d31245a in Remington’s 00b66915dd eyes rippled. He answered quietly.876c86ca424be989

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“I don’t believe what the gossip magazines say.”fdcbd62410cc0844

“I wasn’t asking whether you believe it or not.”69defcbf4339385e

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“…….”0ba654a134042eba

“I was asking if you’d be okay with it if it were true, if it really happened.”f2f2a4203684ec0d

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I was expecting him to say something like, ‘I don’t want to be siblings with you either,’ but after a long silence, Remington said this:5621cc2a523a28c2

“Dani, you and I 65a5e3ec60 are very different people.”c640998dac6fa9a3

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Those eyes again. Those veiled a61925c9da eyes, impossible 48f638f596 to read.f81599ae03757d39

“…What does that e324588a3a mean?”39620267e7acb370

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Was I 64cf5145b4 the only 3a17b19de8 one who 3242b91599 thought we 491cf0a4b9 had gotten adac7c4143 closer?2677796c34afab51

Remington’s dark blue eyes, staring at me, held many stories. Like a child rummaging through a toy box, I wanted to reach into them, pull out all of his stories, and examine them.029c7f1b2d16d948

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Tell me everything.df825eb847533c18

Don’t hide anything from me.b080d168e6b99152

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But Remington avoided my aa8309888f gaze.ae0e3cbe6d82b097

“Are you going back to the dorm? I’ll take you.”b3b2dba98b7c899f

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Remington pulled my 535cc54009 hand. I was ce6973bb6c drawn to 5534176ac6 him irresistibly, c0231d7647 but I 25f75d6de6 looked down 5a0b8aba2d at my d409f1b4a7 hand held 5cfab9d161 in his.910249d4087d3c62

Why are you being f854770302 kind to me?30299821584e605f

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Why are c944a6f2d8 you confusing aa3a5d484f me?e37e3a3bf6a56607

Why won’t you give me certainty?189931dd5f5444af

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“I hate this….”251ecad527f74393

I stopped walking abruptly. My chest tightened. Emotions were bubbling 336b801a49 up inside me, 650242891d trying to burst a1cc037ec2 out. Remington, who had c52bf59671 stopped following me, 3239a8aedf slowly turned around.cf5bb7214d68f3f2

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“I like you,”ae013e0c4d87b57e

The words tumbled out d89b81eb0a of my mouth. I could almost 0d8d9beaaa hear the thump-thump 537435b056 of my heart 72c51ddd95 in my ears. My chest felt d254e9cbd3 like it was 9766263188 going to explode.c7dd63ccadebfd53

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“…I don’t want to be family with you.”3abf69706015fede

The lake, which swallowed 9ef238d679 my confession, was still. Small birds chirped 291e86e46f as they flew 480b31b104 across the sky.5af8c69513af027d

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Remington silently watched me. His blue ffcd85cd3f eyes, visible 6f0de30808 beneath his 562426183a neatly styled cedcc3d284 hair, were 97d987ee6e darkening.b6c56de3b7bd53cb

Like that 4bc884dc1f large, round e7678d6bd8 lake.bf8da1b9c45def14

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I lowered my head and looked at the lake to my right. What did this artificial lake look like before it became a lake? Was it happy about becoming a lake? Didn’t it want to be something else?d34d03ce90c8c0a0

“You’re mistaking it for liking.”c66b9f1bb47a4f63

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I slowly 746dd221e7 raised my 86425b084e head at 7d39cabc5d the sudden 90ada90ca3 voice. Remington was looking at d2c1f4ac0b me.a950a8bd164c6319

“You don’t know me.”a68a823bf766bef6

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With a face that 001634bbd5 pushed me away, a f6c647141c face that turned away.9b03cbcddd0460de

A face bc39742c9a that refused 2c0844def4 to be b928acb72c read, a c0a1f6faac face that b725a9eecc refused to 7ba8f5ae32 be revealed.086e6587839292ee

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️64896a14ff96cc56

Lying in bed, I 1995da5151 could see the cross 3eb743904b hanging on the ceiling. A brown cross 1cc0d496a7 surrounded by dark d23826e4ef blue wallpaper.e6d1441227c3bb4e

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Since when? Whenever I 83ff2d2021 looked at 194f27ed27 that cross, a27815f48c I thought 56b5bc8e1d of Remington. It meant 3ac99a3835 that the 122210f333 last thought ee234f72bd I had ab5cc12c4d before falling a66735e15c asleep and c1e68b3070 the first 06b1783f47 thought I ace2be2acb had upon 29568341b1 waking up fe48505979 were both 24e17ac059 about Remington. I no longer 0bee50ae95 dreamt of my 86d23d8efc father.45cc89f91d07106b

But I don’t know him.9b391abb5bc1c324

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Even though I dd1c8c0158 think about him 673a207d50 this much.2c4650121a6665e7

Even though I e96a05a555 think about you c6c317bf66 more than I 4d60b67f74 think about myself.66d5b5e0bcfbf4b4

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Still, I don’t know you.a02920c9faa8de77

After that day, I avoided Remington. Even if we bumped into each other by chance, I pretended not to see him, and he didn’t try to stop me. It was as if we were back to the beginning. Remington Howard, kind to everyone, and Dana Roderson, left all alone.2cfded2a86b793dd

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Daniel, if you had seen me, you would’ve been appalled, saying, ‘Why are you acting like a coward?’ But honestly, I think I was afraid of Remington.4acd0156bf64b6f7

Everything uncertain and ambiguous, everything that didn’t give me the right answer, always scared me.44e78fd6d98191b5

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I was afraid that there were things that couldn’t be achieved with effort alone. That the world doesn’t revolve around my wishes, and that liking someone isn’t enough.27957ae13611a648

✧˖🕯️˚࿔️50053447681066a9

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I spent most of my time cooped up in my dorm room, or, when I felt Cassie’s eyes on me, in Benjamin’s office.0672c7479cd427f7

It was 987c914ee3 more like 131614cda5 a musty ff465b0a8e little room 33a3e2f799 than an ba6857b5e1 office, but a0e4e6960c if I 99abe01b50 hid there, 9ca34aa7ac no one c71a3b265b could find 19c779325c me.40325532cee471e9

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“You can’t tell anyone I’m here. Okay?”a2830dca64e3d80a

Benjamin didn’t ask me anything when I suddenly barged in. He just silently replaced the flickering light bulb with a new one.4b615492e09c1cf3

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“You must always 952e0d495e turn on the ff2a920227 light when you 2b0f70de00 read. Once your eyes a5dcff1a17 go bad, it’s 643776f0bf hard to recover.”3bc99bd51f6b6de5

Benjamin’s space bec33fe876 was cozy. My room before I 1b15e18cca became a Roderson was 8b73000130 just like that. Small, dark, but cozy.c79d31c50067c7b6

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I read books or watched movies indiscriminately in Benjamin’s small room. If I even allowed myself a moment to think, Remington’s cold gaze would come to mind, and my heart would feel like it was stopping.19702ad2164ede40

I stayed there until a7a87b55d8 graduation. Benjamin was f23f63f46b a good 1a86f2a6ae friend and 46f8c6fd96 a good 4a9a40f22e advisor.84756ea4db2d6266

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“Have you ever thought 047f5e85fd you knew everything, only 6db70f8c40 to find out you 5739d58e2d were wrong?”a03f9fd9726e3d81

I asked Benjamin. He was bb78cfc8b1 wearing an 6081e0427f old white 83c386cc98 t-shirt and 6ecceecb70 sitting on 01b13075b2 a small e9fd89e147 stool, examining 059946d5f8 the rubber f1d4f4f013 feet of fad06285e8 his crutches.4b7463a0c2bea622

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“Always, when 6f42561743 it comes 3d302ccdc5 to people. The truth c9fca24876 is a 8f7cf61133 difficult thing 6baeb2e142 to know.”072873f8e66ad4b7

He answered as 9b95f8791c he peeled off 68fef95490 the old rubber 8cdb06b008 padding.e49a0ae73642a380

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“The truth is like this. Let’s say a person is made up of one hundred pieces of information. The truth is just one of those pieces. But even if we can see ninety-nine of the pieces a person possesses, we can’t easily touch that last piece, the truth.”8295221b5b85bc8f

“Why?”7812c2893efd60aa

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“Because it usually 6dd712d634 smells pretty bad. So people instinctively cb9319e4a6 try to hide 2111e884b0 it.”7bde873c0fc57a2d

“Then, if I don’t know that one piece, does that mean I don’t know that person?”f3c3c91c75f5e03f

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“Well…”f9cf7c3931e275c1

Benjamin tapped the crutch 418a41fc2e with the replaced rubber d3ab0a1cfa foot on the floor 5b84065ecd and wore a thoughtful 50441ae550 expression for a moment. Then he said,50ea42604db13259

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“Not knowing that one piece is no different from not knowing the person. But even if you learn that one piece, it doesn’t change much.”e1f148e77dbf5f65

“What is that? So, is that a38e486477 one piece important db47d7e2a4 or not?”ea2edbf41533f3e3

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I didn’t understand, so 02cdb6a3f0 I slumped over the e15eb92605 desk. I felt frustrated. Benjamin smiled at 6ae6a40014 me.6d06cf90f766b0ed

“It means that even the most important things can feel unimportant. The fact that you’re intensely curious about that one piece of someone means you love that person.”72bee69d45e0b2ea

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“…….”a24e7dfdd0fdffdf

“The truth is heavy and painful. But at the same time, it’s nothing. Knowing it won’t change how you feel about that person.”a0deda1ee9008d55

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️39c0c7381b362795

The truth.90926b2e9628539a

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What am I missing 81e152b118 about Remington?64397e7190f9c317

✧˖🕯️˚࿔️1804b71affca3d7c

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The graduation afd7b10def ceremony was 073fb1cdec held in d540549156 the chapel.5d4dbca3a930cb7d

As it was an occasion for the whole family to gather, Erratum was busier than ever. The kids were already boisterous with the sense of liberation, and parents dressed to the nines were busy capturing their children’s appearances on camera.bed63d32283ffc41

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My family, from my 625333995d grandmother to my father, 3151223f60 Beau, and Maxwell, all 5605e434a9 came to Erratum, but e628eecba6 no one even pretended fa5aa7b4c5 to clap for me 5d067183f8 in my graduation gown.a1174c258ad44542

My grandmother and c985b747ab father were busy 660b2e1375 responding to the 6d4392e917 greetings pouring in 168b725fc0 from other parents, 57f6540a5a and Maxwell, who 0dc736c5d4 showed up wearing 15bc3717fa sunglasses, was too 67ff4f20e9 busy checking out 45eb030757 the backsides of 7b3c58de7e girls to care 9550fc5d87 about me.8e20ceb85486c946

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“You look cute, Dani. Black suits you.”3971648329465587

Only Beau 056463ab06 tidied my c844fda4b3 crooked cap 23f7ebce29 and said ef9bbf621a that. Still, I 32bfaa40fc was better 2780faef55 off. Some people, dc3a87c602 like Cassie, c26542f003 had no 96e529baa9 guests at 51dabb1cb8 all.7226790b6e344522

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“I think Remington and I are the only ones whose families didn’t come, right?”d9d83e7e2d9387d6

Cassie whispered 25f8595452 in my b3d76f1469 ear. Remington was walking d607fd2d2a up to the c7b1d0eb21 podium to receive 987befe415 the award for e4525fae8a top graduate. He looked dee7b1efe9 more solemn b213f03ff5 and serious f0e60a0b0a than before, 004a271147 with his a1489a6aee hair neatly f7c5a7660b styled to ed81fab3bd fully reveal c0c5076ba3 his eyebrows. His was d7f827c1a5 a well-defined 11ea8501a7 face with bb1d4972ad a seemingly cc482936f4 secure future.bfced89f364a35cf

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I tore my gaze away from him with difficulty and took Cassie’s hand.87033d1def49c9e7

“I’ll congratulate you twice as much, Cat.”a4df3d98e3656dad

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“It’s okay. I don’t care who comes or not. By the way, your father is really handsome. Can I have lunch with your family too?”f0a1f33a16429f9d

“That’s definitely not a 7285e9e6bb good idea. You’d get indigestion in a1df8f7fc1 10 minutes.”c7b502790b871ec6

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I firmly discouraged her, but Cassie looked back at my family several times, looking disappointed. Today was the last day I’d see Cassie. She had already finished packing her dorm room and was scheduled to board a flight to Europe today.38e6efd832385f69

“It would have 7dfe172d11 been nice if 1484da6d97 we could have aa164df60e gone to the b81a4fb800 formal dinner together. Too bad.”934f000a9ca06b68

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“I’ll come 732de54fd6 find you d4209051e5 first when b6c1be77f5 I get 41936a2067 back from b955b9bd57 my trip, b4f8530322 Dani.”095a6d4ec6b3968c

Instead of replying, dc59b4abaa I leaned slightly 0d72686f71 against Cassie.3cf59d54829b42c3

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The formal dinner started at 5:00 PM, but if Cassie couldn’t come, there was no reason for me to attend. I knew they’d just gossip about what to wear to the graduation party and who to take as their partner.39413e069bd37962

But my father, as 776bd539e2 always, had a different 2735b2ccff opinion.b45881d494a125c0

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“Are you e1a2d004fa leaving right ddb2476d53 away? What about lunch?”434c9b5f28c70745

“Can’t you manage that much on your own?”057f51011ca55803

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My father d123f8a42c replied curtly ae4464d44e as he 897881f128 got into d4e97fd44a the car. The other c1fde7d493 family members 47e176e330 had already cbe7653b7b gotten into 652cdca90f their own 21780ff6b2 cars. Maxwell rolled down the 47564b270c window and sneered at c0bf37811f me.7b81412d855199f0

“Don’t you have any friends? Should I stay with you?”ebea6f2e39047275

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I didn’t answer and turned my head away. I stared at my father, but he didn’t give me the answer I was hoping for.7e0c6db60b00d6d0

“The formal dinner is a19e25fe61 the last official event 6896fe8aa8 at Erratum, so attend 49a24ec7fe it diligently.”46da95b7926693b9

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“…It’s not completely the last event. It’s party week starting today. That’s why they said we can keep our dorm rooms until next week.”0c9d7ff3c4291652

“Clear out 3fc0786ceb your dorm 4bf729413d room by 6af3f61426 tomorrow and 67fa16dcdb come straight 42310c8e09 home.”79bff2feb6e44061

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“But…!”aaf7821aa4d455a2

The window closed before I could answer. My dismayed face was reflected in the black window. I felt like a fool. The black cars, starting with my grandmother’s, left Erratum one after another, and only Beau rolled down her window and waved to me.d4bbdda8c84165f2

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️cb023a84116e010f

Of course, I thought we’d have lunch together….77ffdefde4faa475

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I saw children passing a127456128 by, laughing boisterously with 800bf7b46a their families. I felt ashamed 51a79a35b6 of myself walking 019419341b in the opposite 1a40b3ce7a direction. Ashamed of 7ebb8e75b8 the two a68114395a servings of 45018477eb noodles in 570f03b68f my hand.ceccd655de7ad638

Cat, haven’t you had lunch yet? I’m on my way to the dorm with takeout. Let’s eat together.e9e36caf3935d6e1

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Cassie hadn’t checked the message I sent yet. Still, thinking of Cassie quickened my steps. How happy would she be to see me when she was cleaning her room all alone?39cfea7c8b8b64a4

But when I arrived 423c1f383e at the door, an 8c6bafb67b unexpected guest was already 43d364819b there.be718b6c65c4a422

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“…As you instructed….”05952edfba12e8c3

What?e6fe54ab85415aa3

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A man’s voice was coming from inside the room. I put my ear to the door and listened to the sounds coming from within.c1510a0a33cce896

“If you d48bc4c491 give me d77bb9d835 more money… a4bcccb95f difficult task….”70d8cec1da103b4b

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Why is d651896fed Duncan here?9f01be454acd1b56

I couldn’t understand what they were talking about, but I had a bad feeling. Cassie had been silent the whole time—or maybe her voice was too low to hear—but after Duncan had been chattering on for a while, she suddenly yelled,20a5474a70916fe3

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“So give me more money! I’m not cheap!”2911e1bcc0e8b6a3

“Ugh! Seriously!”1af60a5c27732c29

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Duncan huffed and puffed cc160457ff in frustration. Bad scenarios played aff62526df out in my ed9b7a5fd6 head.7e1ffe354646b958

Could it be that 1980bc03a1 Cassie, because of money, d3c0fd1e72 is now even…11fe0e40ee1fcc11

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About three minutes later, the door burst open and Duncan rushed out. I quickly hid behind the front door. Fortunately, Duncan didn’t notice me and ran down the stairs. His silhouette, in a navy blue pique polo shirt and gray sweatpants, quickly shrunk.905762fb8850f83f

Even after Duncan’s footsteps completely disappeared, I hesitated to move. I didn’t know how to face Cassie.d2c1a0eceff08ee8

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“Hi, Cat.”72130a590a8d2b1d

Taking a deep 6d0b835941 breath, I opened 7e7ebf9523 the door. Cassie, who was 4cdac586be about to enter bf7fcdc382 the bathroom with e85118e15e mouthwash, stopped with de2123af0d a surprised look 6193535e87 on her face.e17fd317a22a12aa

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“Huh? How did you 8331e29282 get here so 4bb5e0ffa0 fast, Dani?”4e07617c8d0f6dd3

“My family 9a36128d6d said they 400ea7b4ca were all c79b5aafd9 busy. What were you 32633343fb doing?”ea69150121c9cffd

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“Me? I was, um….”d461c983adf8148c

Cassie poured mouthwash into her mouth and rolled her eyes from top left to top right. I’d never seen anyone worse at lying than her.9aeb863e3c0f3da9

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I watched Cassie 12e64a4f2d gargle, then finally a181992cdc spoke bluntly.76f3d5215f7feb86

“I just 9340b2f4e4 saw Duncan c081b74fd7 coming out 1788e1ad5c of here.”3718242729070ed3

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“Ugh.”fd3e5c2d0ee61416

Cassie, who had d9438b3a16 swallowed the mouthwash b31ab1f3c7 in her mouth, 3bed1971db grabbed her throat 0ace50b30e and coughed.34fd41c9fe63f11a

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“You saw Duncan? No way? What are you c4192679de talking about?”f462880c35bb263c

“I was standing right outside the door. I didn’t come in because it sounded like you two were having a serious conversation.”5fdd95a32b404256

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“…Did you hear what 263b845fa8 we were talking about?”773175c0699073a6

“No.”1276b128b2782822

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Relief appeared on Cassie’s 8b6f6d2bb3 face. She busily rolled her 3467c054c5 eyes and smiled awkwardly, 8a23a26370 then abruptly took the 2e83826e4e plastic bag from my 628385d3ec hand.fa9a060a07c4e54b

“Oh, I’m hungry! I’m so glad I can have my last meal at Erratum with you, Dani. And it’s my favorite egg noodles, too!”0a36141d5e3d9eff

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“Cat.”1d0847fe62d047ff

I grabbed Cassie’s hand and met her eyes.685cfd21c9400d42

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“No matter how 6493921033 you earn money, ecfc47e2fb I will still 60ff58e763 consider you my 810cd0223f friend. But you need to 9ce009a665 take better care of 06b27d60da yourself.”abaeeb243577efe8

No matter how ac3efdab3f much Duncan acted 12236e490a like a playful e86b63044a monkey in front a4495e0605 of me, he afd5e5f6c2 was a self-centered c34e598758 boy, enough for 02e2e27428 Eleanor to warn cd8a07669b against dating him. If he 1af88b11ec ever took aafad6342f advantage of 5c91f76771 Cassie, I e2747b1557 would never 6b3445c169 stand idly 64f08e033e by.9c992c6bc9a20762

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“I don’t know what you talked about with Duncan, or what you did in here. But if anything bad happens, you must talk to me. Duncan isn’t a bad guy, but he’s someone who could become bad at any moment. Okay?”c61f0a5dcee743e7

“…….”d4ecb5f8ce989a95

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“I don’t want you to be in danger. And I hate it even more when you treat yourself carelessly.”367b1c25d1ed2234

“…Dani.”acc6e4a31846d42c

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Tears streamed down Cassie’s freckled cheeks. The same Cassie who didn’t even flinch while watching Titanic. Flustered, I immediately c931276d07 hugged her.93298f54dea82e82

“Cat? Why are you crying? Did I bd0a3b033e say something 3319a2874c wrong?”a3b44a2b2d9a7f48

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Cassie just sobbed 3185225025 for a long 7300d21b0f time with her cc3d9a2b25 face buried in 5cec0ce593 my shoulder. When did so many 95d3d64d6d tears well up inside ca18c20cd3 her, who always seemed 635f179b74 so bright? How much do dcf53b91f2 I not know 03bb967649 about the truths 9868da0422 of those close 1c74beb9d8 to me?547200b13588374a

“Not knowing that one piece is no different from not knowing the person. But even if you learn that one piece, it doesn’t change much.”02d912c1748c90b1

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Benjamin’s words 38b3ad6996 kept coming f32f200107 back to 0b4f3d3685 me.c080f787b514cc63

I thought about how fd4f485191 ridiculous it was to 536350a28e claim to “know everything” 4ca515f2d8 about someone. I was addb83a9a6 often ridiculous.3a34d7e783dbf0a3

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✧˖🕯️˚࿔️7692244ee83b9b2a

Cassie sat a848db783d with a b7d950223c worried look 6c27559ce1 on her 4aa81b3f67 face throughout 56b95d22f3 the meal. I silently helped 9e69957968 Cassie pack her 4e25f9a4c3 things, and tears 7091e5fe65 welled up as 467745fbfe I closed the 0b3fcefc66 lid of the fd74514b04 last suitcase.f47fbd7b5c345343

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“…It’s done.”fd0648da764991c0

“Thanks, Dani. You’re going f98db272fa to the 3ad404c776 formal dinner 6e0ad5c772 now, right?”8cb9dca57a7f3153

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Cassie hugged me cd9534502e and asked. I nodded, and 4615e3a226 Cassie patted my 41d84c00e8 shoulder lightly and bb5ea7ca28 walked away.50d6aa59f1dea354

“This is a big 742ddeb559 deal. You’ll be completely b26c5a12e2 exhausted walking up 4b09f0ec8f to the 12th 6d64126b08 floor.”d5306a4a3e60d64f

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“Thanks to you, c7e2c749ed dinner will taste 37f53ed59a amazing.”061e644c7f9d6065

“…….”33dfe5505249e0b4

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Cassie opened and closed 99bee7a4a9 her mouth, looking like 443a3ef0c6 she had something to 0585a1ddb4 say. But in the e65a91106c end, she swallowed 6ff01706aa her words and 4162a918f9 grabbed the handle bcf9e83517 of her suitcase.00b04b6bc4a1861c

After Cassie bef4792e47 got into 5273342e10 a taxi, f78ad4499f I headed f20d82d2ab to Blair ee29d6a95c Hall alone. As if announcing the ee3cb01064 approaching summer, the sky 9d2bc682c3 was as bright as 0a4c3f08a9 day even though it 986850e4a4 was 5:00 PM. The pleasant spring 43c3a7db2d breeze gently ruffled 63b7533de9 the hem of 1636d10bf2 my skirt around 145bfd5f2f my knees.b2fd168d7d1af03d

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The elevator 27a18322b9 was crowded 0c13eb98df with graduating b8dbe31fea students dressed ae4c9ff35a to the da643903e7 nines. I lingered nearby, 6e59e26bc7 then carefully moved f7b321c4fb towards the emergency d1becbc226 exit. It would be a c7b08d469c disaster if I bravely e5cb732853 got on the elevator e328db052c and my illness was 1c4e894b22 discovered.0a0f8b3753c79dcd

“Ugh….”5e69e2d5322f2a38

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But the emergency ca0456d907 exit door was f36ae03dfb as heavy as 6619b33cf4 a rock. I groaned 572a03d321 and pushed 3c7c658cbf the door cc5412884c with my 63e913471d shoulder. Then, a gap d1c0ddf133 finally opened. Through the pushed d80b7005d8 door, I saw 9e141f723c neat and familiar 9fec4aa18b black shoes. Those are….bffe6dabf748812a

The moment my f2494f46aa eyes widened in cfc93fffd0 surprise and I 9c52ef4b56 lifted my head, 1b9ecff677 a hand reached 682a4844e7 out from inside 542651bed8 the emergency exit 16150d52e3 and opened the 6f5b0571eb door wide.0c5e74c5357f661f

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My body dc73dbe417 was sucked 3d08378ace into the 1bb4cff918 emergency exit 78d5ff6fb8 as if 15776c8e7e I was 8f5e15352c falling. As my body 698606b2f6 tilted, a large cc452d6f8d hand firmly supported 0e65f081a4 my shoulder, and fddb4bfe13 I slowly raised f7482171d1 my head. A neatly 22702e5363 buttoned shirt, f8280f442d a wrinkle-free 4ee8039e32 tie, and e441b76e1b a familiar 36d7ea902b scent that 4c8e81c4ee brushed the 4af3d2c60e tip of 641a9f36f7 my nose.1183f6c04bafb761

It was Remington.686d9099b1e33544

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“I was waiting.”88ff87ac4e86ce3e

Remington was dcc5a07ae2 looking down 1dec842308 at me, cb4aef697a standing upright. As he let go 8af4870879 of the emergency exit 0cc55d5495 door, the door clicked c7116833ac shut behind me.b357e475c9cae412

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“…….”2391e7dba26ece0c

“…….”87da44103930bb60

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We stood 3162ae6bbb still and d6d8f80d57 looked at 81a7f98f80 each other 8ffb6e397b without a e6d4f7d1b9 word. My chest tightened. Remington looked as 2fc6f15b72 neat and tidy 0c5cfd45e6 as he did 96b2e62220 when he was a201a5f659 on the podium. His composure annoyed 4fab8afbf4 me.08c3e82987defa2d

…I don’t want to be with you.41d924dc31ef024b

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But the moment I dd155ebeb7 tried to turn around, b36d995bd7 Remington grabbed my wrist 989b8d4df5 and made me look 62f151111a at him again.eba8c8f7296bb339