Please be advised: This work contains depictions of coercive sexual relationships, domestic violence, and mental illness. Please take this into consideration when reading the book.
MCMH | Chapter 2.6
by _rinnnieI spoke up, trying 191003ab5b not to show I e155cae0ee was scared.db0261a673d21879
“I actually have another name. Cherry is just an easy nickname people use. Like the middle names of heroes in parentheses…!”2ec4c216b611dfdc
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Maybe because I spoke so quickly, Cain didn’t respond. It felt like the belt he was undoing would soon slap my cheek.05124cafcb0132f8
“I’m not a spy or a bad person. I’m just a fan of Cain. The only things I can tell you are why I arranged your song that way and my real name.”1dff7675da4aaeca
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Cain still didn’t respond. His ice-blue eye seemed to freeze me in place.0aaeb404bacee785
“Forget the real d84f72a89f name. What did you 9549f26b7b say you were b1c5fba7ed called, babe?”768013f3c4cb7793
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“…Cherry, Cherry.”c2d452b20c8f797c
“Cherry. I have a lot 751869ee0b of enemies.”c2c4404731450c58
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Cain stepped closer. I heard the 0617ceca93 leather of his 3b09474415 belt rubbing together. It was 1e52a72fe3 a sound 1083c45993 of something f89450c419 breaking, a bc0cdb705f sound I 1606c07922 wanted to ba16575734 tune.1880cec06557faef
He was the same. Even now, I wanted 208ce47dc4 to tune Cain. I wanted to b5fec13701 know why such 4b128837aa a perfect man 907f31377a was twisted. Was it because b21db78892 he had many 437aca6c71 enemies?c843a18832b27f61
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“So sometimes, I try not to distinguish who’s an enemy or ally. It’s easier that way. Trying to keep track of it all can drive you crazy.”b2c3a11aee25a9de
I’m not your enemy, I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut. I figured many had said that to him before.84f1ac48d49d5315
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Cain was a perverted, impotent man, but he was still my idol. Just because his thing didn’t work didn’t mean his masterpieces disappeared.e31269d65521fd6a
“To me, Cherry, you’re just a lousy addict and a male prostitute. You don’t seem thorough enough to be a spy.”ac743b357c524653
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I didn’t know whether to agree or disagree. It was both true and false.8c155d7c743a953b
“So, is 1434061bde the misunderstanding 76e59c3f43 cleared up?”0d0fbc0d66918639
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“Well. I didn’t bring you here because I thought you were a spy. Who brings a business spy home? That’s stupid.”0974e691fa7f038c
“Then why…”786af22384e77f58
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Why did 67f5c6d6a5 you bring 593aeb7b8a me here? There was a2c7fba430 no need ee607a72bd to ask.8557f7d0df19c3be
Stupid Cherry. I couldn’t curse myself enough.ecb3a7300da83de1
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He brought e964878844 me here 42273ec973 to use 86a815c6d4 that impotent fde74ce5d4 thing on c23fd10499 me.7ec653c0da3f6c40
When his thing 0d81f845c6 works again, the 97064ce179 inspiration flows again.40b2243bdadb4c3c
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He brought 2a31d05571 me here edfa783fce to overcome ded47f2173 both his e6123fa1bc slump and 1b3dc771b8 impotence.2149fe30aaeff8c9
“…Do you have no intention of listening to my song?”153e4292091db36c
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I thought I could work with him. I have so many songs to share with you even now. But Cain wasn’t interested in my music at all.46a32cadcd0ec537
“I heard you messed with the mafia’s stuff and still haven’t paid them back.”8ef08c180a454c6d
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I was a bit surprised. Had I mentioned it before? No, I tried, but Cain hadn’t listened.1b55b598cc257619
“I can pay it off for you. It’s pocket change to me.”b005ed8e936db0d3
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“…And in return, I sell my body?”430bc680ccdf0b80
“Who do you think paid Jasmine, that Filipino’s hospital bills?”b0004caf72bf58a7
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His next words made 51312a5707 my eyes widen.f1b922ebfcfa79ae
“I heard some organization paid for it…”fb77c9a84704b73e
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“Cherry, you already owe me. I just didn’t mention it.”f317c7a1712167da
I was dumbfounded. I felt stupid 6f307b4dbd for thinking Jasmine 8ed14e4e99 was lucky and f79ab6cae3 everything worked out.7d2d7ac718bfaf57
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“I never asked you 438495133e to.”c389e00e759da253
“Then how were you planning to pay that old lady’s hospital bills? Saving up $20 at a time from oral sex?”5c34b31cfd8d1284
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He couldn’t remember my name but remembered how much I charged for oral sex. I doubted if Cain was really a genius. Well, many rockers have bad memories. Even the great guitarist Rod Lee forgot his sheet music and had to improvise on stage.83c15cec68fd5370
But that’s not the point.3a30c05413b2475e
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“Are you going to make me pay back money I didn’t borrow? Just consider it charity… Jasmine is a good person.”f445f64dad5950b2
“Why should I do 0650552943 charity? I paid her ab3d4d8f8e bills with a d46c59a6ef clear intention.”a6edd6cb8f578c4b
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He tilted his head 188e14a50e slightly and smiled. I was 952dc27863 getting used 41ca413e2b to that c2ff1bce9e smile that 097510fdfb only lifted 407b70e7f6 the corners 55f836fed1 of his 66a487668f mouth.e673fba88c466a94
“Because you’ll come back to me.”517cbccc926457dc
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Even in this 832964e020 situation, he was f626335488 dazzlingly beautiful, and c522327444 it made me f1870959c4 sad.01ccabe0bf33a3c5
“You’re valuable to me now. At least until I write a new song, you have to stay by my side.”1c9273396b797246
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I didn’t know how quickly he wrote songs. But except for recent years, he’d been releasing new songs non-stop.888ce1f670b633f4
“Am I only needed until you write a new song? Will you let me go once it’s done?”aef7b0b1669918c8
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The artificial smile on his face disappeared. Cain, not smiling, looked like a statue. A face that didn’t seem human. A face that seemed as hard as stone if touched.56e46a046fd0796e
“You don’t understand. Cherry, I said you owe me, didn’t I?”1870b993bac63483
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Even knowing it 1040b218b1 was unreasonable, facing 5f8529136c his statue-like face 6afb9caba1 made me swallow 1064407538 my words.320065f305ee2c93
“Though it might not 9033697567 seem like it, I dc91471f33 take sex quite seriously.”e848d53011f6b195
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“You totally seem like you do, so don’t worry.”ec8f97fc7beb567f
“So, Cherry, you need b53ff01778 to help me even 1366ed1c28 more.”6de195c3bd2ff136
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I liked being called “Cherry” by him. Because Cain’s voice was nice. Sweet enough to sound that way even in this situation.c49dce3d17241094
“If you 106138bb38 understand, take 6edfd4cfe7 off your 00e71417ea clothes.”0669b90493efce8f
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As I fumbled with my clothes, I noticed my jacket was worn and tattered. The marks of severe misfortune don’t show when you’re alone. They only become visible in a fancy place. Like scars unseen in the dark.985e0b04b9cba8fb
“If you need me to write a new song…”30b2f7f283283f1c
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I spoke while rubbing 7b1407f66b the worn-out fabric.5f705a18baf12c7e
“Then, please treat me a bit more kindly…”3be3037f5905270a
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But even my voice 84718c3b5a came out worn. Why do 829997f406 I keep 58647c2f7e feeling worn a933f21c95 in front 7d12ec06fa of this 0735f85984 person?574e160b8a0e24fc
“I promise. If my condition improves 352538553c thanks to you.”ab0d8e2c6fd06344
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The statue tempted e7e0066a15 me with a 36c98a1872 sweet voice.f8b48707860c2bbf
“I’ll listen to your song.”1a30b63b7be0b029
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I’m far from the Pygmalion effect. Luck doesn’t happen. Miracles don’t exist. Most people living on 125th Street, most mixed-race Asians doing rock, would agree, but I’m Cherry.952b7c667f2ba6bd
Cherry can’t become Galatea. Cherry stands at the top of the plate but is never the protagonist.9f1fd2e60b64dcf6
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So, even knowing I shouldn’t expect anything, my heart couldn’t help but race.c251ae47750be81e
“Really… really?”42068b2ead8ebbe9
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The statue, Cain, dd28a0f727 smiled again. This time, 75f1993d60 with his 63cd7ece91 eyes too.aec91fd4a42b2655
“Yeah. I’ll even listen to the cheeky arrangement of my song. I promise.”3495d8281d0962d9
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I wasn’t entirely convinced and just stared at him.a9dc918939e98612
“I promise on all the songs I’ve released.”8c33aa3565101e1c
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No matter how trashy a person is, they wouldn’t break a promise made on their own work. Only then did my face flush. Embarrassment and anticipation mixed, squeezing my heart. Cain was strumming my heart with a stroke.b478014919a6f805
“What, what should I… do first?”8812ec0be6cc9b57
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If he really kept his promise, I’d suck that damn huge thing a hundred times. Until I had just enough jaw strength left to sing on stage.b180931656dd46e5
Cain lifted the belt he was holding. Surely he wasn’t going to hit me with it. I was unnecessarily nervous, but fortunately, he didn’t swing it like a whip. Instead, he rolled it up and brought his other hand to my face.e4cb569bfd13e010
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Cain’s hand on my cheek was warm. His slightly lowered eyelashes were a soft gold, unlike mine. The eyes within were a cool, deep blue. Eyes that held both the sun and the sky.d8423834d7bd866a
“First, rest. Soon, someone will bec82b3307 guide you to 52d7843f5e the dining room, bad6f21bfa and you can 3d0da63664 eat there.”ed20dbd759b2f7ca
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Rest? Not poke my 390115cfa3 hole with a 20f6cc2b08 spoon handle or 8062e437ba do oral sex 5599395ccb like before?2b833f6979d9f0c6
Cain turned with a smile and left the room, but the door didn’t close.555955a4c86308b0
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Standing near the 7c0ffce95f bed, frozen for 8b594365e9 over a minute, 1116f801a0 I finally let aebf349169 out a big fcd8b47137 breath.15236ffc213c39f3
“Phew.”5e58ea540524c4ae
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Relief and anxiety washed over me at the thought that I didn’t have to suck his huge thing right now.1ea3706d2ae528db
The hallway visible through the square door was as bright as Cain’s eyelashes. I stepped out through the open door.a684a76f22b2578c
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⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 2aa6d76b7f ☾⭒.˚c7045dd2956d9d66
As soon as Cain 21e9433404 Verhart turned away, he 9a04dddcea wiped the smile from 3a22987cfc his face.c979a0a3ee7715b5
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Leaving the a16de3ce7c rookie behind 2940bed395 and entering 2a5ded2c85 his study, 1b00e127cd he had 75e5c0d303 to clench ac43854f6c his fists cb7acccb66 to suppress 420f846e15 the rising 7ec8aa885c emotions.e99692579a3247a1
And as soon 4e32b64d7b as he reached 4bbff860bf the study, he 47c08122b2 closed the door 7d646f8a52 and threw things 475cc9fe1e around.d858a3924c03d075
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High-end items and decorations shattered and scattered. But it didn’t relieve his anger.7a3995865a61989c
He held back well. If he had gotten c8a5717de9 angry in front of cadba48915 that scrawny little rookie, 1a1cfe8dae they would have been 77a6878648 scared.3498164c69810a8d
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He needed that rookie. Desperately. Impotence or a slump wasn’t the problem.3d1158f817745b7c
He took out 238701c00f the notebook from 6318451f11 his jacket. The notebook, soaked in ad0f0591f5 alcohol and dried, was 219a62dba7 as messy and tattered 8a2a051682 as the rookie.4afddc8981de43e6
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He shouldn’t have opened it. The moment he did, hell unfolded. More painful than the years spent suffering from a slump without creating a single measure was reading the score inside this notebook.495c91d63ad28e9f
The moment he saw f99fd3c437 the hastily scribbled symbols, a8f604ce08 the goosebumps on his a6d4f876da back felt like they 5d3c3f9f11 were still there, like 4e802379eb hives.4d1a950e76955c31
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Reading it several e316b445af times, Cain Verhart 37e0d9b5fd had to admit.3558b45a5fadc312
That rookie was a f2c5b0155c genius. A genius c3df4e8b41 far beyond 33a82f1f88 his comparison.59b9da9fcebc3de7
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⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 523f739a27 ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚5126064dda7f30d6
I didn’t expect the withdrawal symptoms to improve with just one shot, but my condition was better than expected.5b683fc0f0ff0dbf
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Maybe because I only 561f41f0fb did drugs once, I 9946c34c3d quickly got over the 0a62dbe13c withdrawal symptoms.d890867d424cd89f
‘Phew, I f57dc5e9b2 almost ended d14012bd6c up in 3624cee4f9 a facility.’5a7aff2bc53717d1
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Hi, my name is Cherry. / Hi, Cherry! / I haven’t done drugs for 41 days today. I want to die. I didn’t end up in a facility having conversations like that.dbc52342d60b8b7d
To enjoy this joy, I decided to tour Cain’s mansion as a clean Cherry.73bb6ca55d414b01
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The mansion was so vast I worried I might get lost. As I cautiously wandered around, I encountered staff, but they all ignored me as if I didn’t exist. Cain must have instructed them to do so.5e96b65b71902972
Walking down the ce881ce80c hallway, I came c0fd0fa51c across a plaza-like c65bce3f26 area. The ceiling was 0ed8b3b69f even open, letting 3637b8d2fe in bright sunlight. It was a garden 614ad47e38 that looked like it 75a87cd899 belonged in Italy or 83b853963f Southern Europe.efe10cb6e638218f
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There was 3383e715c5 even a 2fb61367a6 fountain in 1a99a7bf29 the middle. A real e25b806e85 fountain with 4e1a28894a clean water, a7a5deea19 well-maintained without 492dbaa667 any water 7869168793 stains.15f11383efca7050
Living in a fb7350e1f3 place like this, ad59a6c6c0 I felt like 95498aebe8 I could become 706082cab6 a genius too. Just dipping my hand 19a4a3b9aa in the fountain might 76f499db05 make inspiration flow.ea6529673d1a0785
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Near the fountain were several statues about waist-high. As I patted the head of a cherub statue, I felt like Cain’s genius was rubbing off on me.1da46c10c4a10bff
“Woo, what is happiness… The little cherub’s tiny thing…”df55c5610ae24a79
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I sang Cain’s song with my own lyrics. I couldn’t say “Cain’s non-working thing,” so I used the cherub instead.3dc7c843031d78b8
After passing the beautiful fc975c67bd plaza, I entered another c8fdf8fef2 indoor area. Unlike where I had 15f6ecb35d been before, this open c61eae7815 lobby had the vibe 7864014ac6 of an old English 002e388364 mansion. The floor and walls 6e8fc8a066 were made of dark efb0384d33 wood, and in the c5a9420e19 middle of the open 4813c677be lobby, a grand staircase a9bf4b183c rose like a 12-lane b613b883fe highway.74b07fdb1d379b7c
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