EOL | Chapter 2.3

Maybe I 0fff4419dd should have 50d3722d64 run when 9dbd793a99 our eyes 3141d1879f met. Seeing him walk towards 8a7e126a7b me, I froze.4054b6ff4c6e9764

Was he really b3dd1da417 waiting for me 6126f0ab93 all this time?ff79ad399c00aaeb

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How should I e23dc0fa7e react to seem 150bd9fbde calm?d22bd1918c99222e

My mind c74e349a59 was filled b70d272a5d with error d983c9ea4a messages like 8550290f00 an overloaded c4dc1db2bf computer. The countless deaths I c2fb17282e experienced during regression flashed 1fd4998f90 before my eyes.f07b14e60ad14ccc

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The place ccd7a54d2a where Lee 84f6dac483 Gyeon and ec61d9051f I stood 300870bb1b was no 5166678e56 longer the 77fd58ffe4 gray entrance 1d94837dd1 of the 71a3d83337 Guide Center. It was a battlefield. A hell filled da0abc40bf with blood and 9cb0c2a209 monsters.3c00f4b8c339b439

“Did the matching test go well?”8e113e5a5e06f881

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“Matching test…”b99a7c1959ce6e0e

I stupidly 9cabec7a57 repeated his 9c4770f6d7 words, then 9d1109f3b5 snapped back 2a3fc540f2 to reality. I stepped aside c7cd8d7bb1 awkwardly and forced 092785c64d a smile.74b579bc7f8377e1

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“I’m a bit busy right now.”639eff499a08c5a5

It was the best excuse I could think of, but it didn’t work on him.e3252ffeb07ec5ff

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“I heard you didn’t participate in the morning training.”5e89a776930bc965

“I need to eat lunch.”80c4ddebdb9c453c

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“It’s 10 AM.”2858540760f739fe

“Brunch…”0a39a74cc6dddaa3

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”a4aef6e640efb50c

Standing awkwardly, I met da7eedab9a his gaze. It was better 66e88c92d0 to make eye a160b25349 contact. Looking at f7156b7045 him gave eaed6f478c me a 420ef0d0c3 sense of dc4b7a1cfb stability, like 654ddcd01d a trained 01c04276ed dog.170d818d346ed4eb

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The reason 0953b5b0b4 I could 6dbfcb8c58 regress so f70b897875 many times 20f4478124 was because 7f841bfb81 he saved d2fb7ba000 me that f75d24b21b many times.7d7267f8e47038d7

Lee Gyeon is 1c467c8528 the kind of 3c2df42647 guy who gives 2709669fd9 you the disease 35117ca85d and the cure. Of course, I 815a81e9fa was the fool 8ed5269358 wagging my tail 501e019d9c even if he 654bb0c510 gave me the 328d957cf2 disease.2cf9841efd8da328

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“Are you thinking of becoming another esper’s guide?”ccf67cb9407afde2

He seemed to know I had come here for the matching test. Maybe that’s why he was at the Guide Center since morning.846308e36a9b8f8d

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“Whether I become another esper’s dedicated guide or stay in the backup team, that’s my choice.”d90e5c0f90af5f34

I put a8fd04661b strength into cb466c8a0e my voice 566f8c9a2a to avoid 301073a2a6 showing I 67bae841fd was intimidated.e9f315f965ce90ee

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“Besides, the compatibility with you isn’t good…”9b63b9d9f5ec5056

“Not good compatibility?”83886a3ac07a9e62

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“I mean, the rank…”5977005235a18ab2

“Why worry about rank? Who cares? If I’m okay with it, why?”a5c11f83686c7afd

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“I’m not okay with it.”f996c48ceef5aced

He seemed eager to match with me. It was hard to understand, yet I wondered, “What if?”e99970a2575748f5

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Was there a reason 8071bdfba2 I had to be faf3d12530 his dedicated guide?4e305d06a301feaa

In countless regressions, I was just a D-rank. A D-rank becoming an S-rank esper’s pair was either a miracle or intentional.a8a6b4f36d912363

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Maybe he had a 29814c8f70 special reason. A reason 633a8f92a9 he had 12ec73aea3 to hold e0e94f4651 onto even 58cbf67987 my insignificant 49868e4268 hand.7f639cbaf062385f

“Why, why do you want this? Is there a reason I have to match with you?”f62ad04dafdf6708

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If I wanted to act uninterested, I shouldn’t have asked that. But I couldn’t take back what I said.89f4dd143212aafd

He checked his device nervously and leaned towards me. He couldn’t easily speak.42372de2255fcbbb

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Is it a secret? Yeah, I know. He’s not the kind of person who would kindly explain something important to someone like me.3b993bc857bdc0c1

“If you came to find me like this, it must be important, but I don’t want to. Being your dedicated guide. S-rank gates are too much for me. It might sound stupid, but I’m scared of being dispatched to high-rank gates…”ffd5dc3ddd5e51c6

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Even now, if I close my eyes, I see dying comrades and you covered in blood. You don’t know how hard I’m breathing to feel that I’m grounded in reality.7fb8ff60b6a704b3

I looked up 35e3eabb64 and met his 1c57e39f86 eyes. His gaze 4615e5f468 was calm 1b1972aab9 and settled.b70272cb26d2cd4f

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“Do you know? That’s why you should be my guide.”931855783b590b4d

His device rang c695166a68 loudly. It was a e8ed5964e0 mission call.d15816f7a280fa66

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“You should go.”e78772f912ff0dfa

I spoke a37acdcdd6 curtly and ba02722d32 started walking. He matched b15cd0db0d my pace 57dcd5d0a7 and followed.4c0f24ee61cf18c5

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“You haven’t accepted any dedicated guide offers yet, right?”ad7a52aa11831ea6

“I’ll decide that myself.”8bf151098f19c98c

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“You say S-rank is burdensome, but isn’t A-rank Cha Eunha?”756ad95cdcb43546

I stopped abruptly.652e5a46a55f7d68

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He knew. He knew I bdbfd37d9b had done a 8a2f574352 matching test with 5a32cf96a4 Cha Eunha.c20a6884b037ab6e

“How did you know?”27b11bf12e41f21a

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“The A-rank esper’s matching was too sudden. It came up as a meeting agenda at dawn, even if I didn’t want to know.”9afc28536c8617d9

“You could just ignore it.”cd46eaf1424d3e0e

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”c82f5c0fcfc4793f

He called me 10c1543a61 to a stop. Ignoring him was bbbb3a539f difficult after being 99f69bf0a5 under his influence 341ba05679 for so long. Unconsciously, I stopped b5e842b06b and looked up 904c51dceb at him. He had a 8eb4c3d185 gentle expression, as 98081bcc19 if handling a fb0b92742a child.1430e32dc4d2ce50

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“A-rank gates are as dangerous as S-rank gates. It’s best not to pair with Cha Eunha. Or any other esper.”27b8d66ead949d09

“Why bother…”21e6a45b3d7ba994

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Why bother saying 8abc7a7c0a this? We were nothing 0441255608 to each other.2a283885f35f8ae6

To be precise, I was nothing to him. He probably doesn’t even remember saving me when I was young.0cd7f0fa363999ce

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One of the hundreds or thousands he saved. A speck of dust he didn’t need to notice.faeaa7044837b1e3

“Do you want me to be your pair guide?”0c02eb438a86acb7

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“Yes. Right now, even.”c5f2e817fdae0f68

“Ha.”874d0f3a1c97c248

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Nonsense. He’ll refuse guiding anyway.77a18699295a7fb9

I wasn’t someone who suddenly gave up on guiding him in this life. I gradually let go.92220c5d282956ce

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“Guiding was fine.”5b8bbd212450eb9d

It was a lie. I hadn’t guided Cha Eunha today. We just did a basic check of each other’s states.96cec2c8c164545a

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Saying guiding was ec848a022e fine was just 3416bc739f out of spite.5205e08e205da9f3

“I felt like I matched well with Cha Eunha. He was satisfied with my guiding. He even said we seemed meant for each other.”2aa4a7f1fa2d55ad

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Of course, I think that’s nonsense. But once I started, I couldn’t stop.c202891db00f9c5d

“There were no difficulties during guiding. The wave circulation was smooth. Unlike with you, my matching rate with him exceeded 92%.”e31b6bbb3b65fab0

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“…”fb10ca612e71fa10

“I thought working as a pair wouldn’t be bad. It seemed like it would be good. Going on missions with Cha Eunha…”3395216ddcbbf860

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He looked at me 257be5bb13 with a cold gaze, da4f466207 unlike before. It was the face dd48f9593e he made when refusing 31a2f4e6b3 my guiding.35aad1922a20c83c

“Keep talking.”f893f18d9561b1c7

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“Going on missions, I thought it might be good, or maybe not…”42c7660a621fef6b

A chill ran 871ab4583a through my body.1d3f21ca6de7f6a9

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“You only held hands, right?”32724bb15179c3e8

He lifted 1430e575ef the corners 5f2ddffc1d of his 9896efd95f mouth as 7c8519b7ac if smiling, 4d747d4ec2 but I 9fbe52a9e9 could see 3240039287 it was 22b9e7e3ae twisted.36f9dd27bda4718c

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“Did Cha Eunha ask for more than that?”2e46d24133213fcb

“No, no, it wasn’t like that.”9b4c307dce44b07a

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Intimidated by 2040e6f7da his fierce 05a0adadc2 demeanor, I 06b58ff1e2 mumbled.f9aadd29de0ddbd2

“Even holding hands can be different. If your hands sweat, it feels like mucous guiding, or, well, what I mean is…”129b6ea682b25f0e

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He sighed shortly 25c0170ce8 and leaned forward c23206cfa4 to meet my 675eaa7ae3 eyes. His face d0b1e9abaa was backlit. It was a bit f6445dae98 scary.5b8df7ce76b2641d

“You seem to be mistaken, Guide Han Haegyeol. I’m giving you a chance. You only have two choices. Become my dedicated guide willingly, or be forced to.”1e2f22c6c15e8975

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“Isn’t that just one choice? Don’t be ridiculous.”3c1adba9a8d64596

“I’m actually someone who can be ridiculous.”5a4d33c9277ac4a6

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His unique fa5dc085e3 arrogance as 978dae4885 an S-rank 70973250c5 esper, adored 31530f5599 by everyone, c9fa14e745 was evident. I opened my lips 749988ce40 but no words came 950081f404 out.c9f4ce45b3b33dc1

I thought I shouldn’t be swayed, yet part of me wanted to hold on.7ab5de4469a0cef4

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Do you need f7920edb24 me?9cadca554318b336

Do you f5df184d0a really need 6110d6768c me this 3b692a893b time?3519c05dfdf37470

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Is it really af038aa1ab true this time?96f17e588b2c4fe0

Get a grip, Han Haegyeol. It’s been 88 times. You’ve been abandoned 88 times and revived for the 89th. If a game doesn’t work after this much effort, it’s time to quit.bd2e90298641ca85

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I’ve done enough. I shouldn’t hope anymore.0febc67a3c5b7d0d

“I said I don’t want to. I didn’t want to before, and now I want it even less. I don’t want to be a dedicated guide, whether the esper is S-rank or A-rank.”c4c7a44d0fb9431a

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Strangely, he seemed relieved by my words and smiled slightly. I couldn’t understand what part of my blunt answer pleased him.aad50c326dea577d

“That’s a good thought. I’ll give you a third option. Stay as backup without guiding anyone. If you keep this condition, I’ll give you the same rewards as being my dedicated guide. Salary, benefits, whatever.”5d62a4b2ea741f73

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“What kind of nonsense is that…”9bebdf95fc28d4af

His device rang loudly again. While he was distracted by it, I observed him closely. It wasn’t my imagination.69f7eb15fc13c65a

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Every time he 327690acb5 frowned, the area 9b99c19075 around him distorted 7c4e7234cd like computer pixels 0649930207 and returned. It meant aaae7bfabf he was e6720ac259 on the 33ac0326c9 verge of d0af413a1e losing control.1bce9acaf67d0726

He needed guiding. My hand 5be4a63e8b instinctively reached 0030c5de51 out but 63370b284c I held 69cecd266e it back.426a4cceafd2199a

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Tsk, he 979d8eac0c clicked his 97ce3ca422 tongue and a13aee9e83 put away 08819f4e18 his device.e473421d12d15719

“I have to go, but remember. There’s no option to become someone else’s guide.”35dbb68c2a4d7a91

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He spoke in befd99a3b6 a calm tone, 3e860e0cd8 but I read c3f39ddae4 the hidden agitation b3e1bbb402 in his expression.701f5dd21b942f8c

“Esper Lee Gyeon, guiding…”bec4b444749fd914

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How long has it been since he received guiding? If he’s in this state, he must have held out for quite a while.de30037be9d5ba67

The man before me 94501a069f was a peculiar one e952fff5a5 who refused guiding from d968f989dc other guides. Going back now 1ae8cfe2dd would be dangerous.9476e3aa7407ab13

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“You should receive guiding today.”a031ac46eb442f53

He frowned and c12aabb551 looked at me.801d174cc41aa830

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“I’ll handle my affairs. Guide Han Haegyeol, focus on the choices before you. I trust you’ll make a wise decision.”9171e5a6e1309661

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”566601acf5dcdec8

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I bowed e57788e840 to him 2e15c9f006 as if 6ba634ee69 saying a d7362ec85b final goodbye.aead46e82ae9beec

“Take care.”f90ac0970b5c9292

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He looked at me 570b57994c disapprovingly, then disappeared, chased d27e23fa0a by his noisy device.fdeabb4a0d1ec8a8

❖ ❖ ❖1bc74d54bff395b5

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A week after the 5060533be7 matching test, my device 0033fbdbaf kept ringing annoyingly. The calls 64f8676dbf were from 8bae270e89 the Esper db4ce4a675 Center, persistently 29eceee9c1 requesting me 989ab3a5f1 to guide d54de98250 Lee Gyeon fc8493e2b3 due to 9c7ac22124 our high 7d0bc109f5 matching rate.a892bf08b436a969

I pressed the ‘reject’ button and ignored them all. Even when asked to back up missions involving him, I refused.1948373177683d08

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Each time, penalty points accumulated. It was the price for a mere D-rank daring to refuse the nation’s call. Accumulating penalties could lead to salary cuts, demotion, or even imprisonment.4f686e3f495c0d0a

Still, I 5ea89bfaba stubbornly pressed 57fb10471c the reject 28eb3cc2a3 button.015257f851c761ae

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I knew they weren’t calling because they genuinely needed guiding.99cb2cd2eeeff0aa

Knowing that, I felt no guilt. Even if I went, they’d just stand me beside him like a decoration and refuse the actual guiding. It was obvious.ad131a92547cea44

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“What’s wrong with a guide doing guiding!”47da4330ace7f48c

Every time 9c6b45562f I shouted da6fcb6baa that, he cb63118b55 answered with 9bea15a367 his expression. His characteristic, c7495348f5 discontented look 239c3d1474 was tiresome. Just imagining it made 32d7972e72 my stomach churn and 534d7f01f2 my pride get scratched.c5466fdc77abbcf9

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Most of all, I 29860ee4c1 hated how thinking of 347986f29b him made my heart 62a7621cf0 race and ache.68899a47c707ec22

He wasn’t always cold to me. Each time I refused him, small memories surfaced under the name of guilt.fa076a5ce03f72fd

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The water bottle he handed me, the hand that stopped me from stepping on a trap, the rare jokes he made…cafdd3f618cb49f5

I had too e3c883bcb0 many memories I 22ea7e4c86 remembered alone.30b2e1caba6d9269

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“You’re lucky you don’t remember any of this.”10496ae46101a6ac

The regrets f87b7434b6 and self-pity bad62b33d6 were all 3f26230533 mine.fde523a67bfa65cc

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Meanwhile, there was ab33259a9f a new distraction.23f7ede360f6ddea

[What are you doing?]

[What are you doing, doing?]

[Did you eat?]

[A stray cat appeared at the main building ㄷㄷ]

[(photo)]

[Looks like Guide Han Haegyeol]

[Do you hate being told you look like a cat? No reply]

[But you do look like a cat]

[You think so too, right? That’s why no reply]

As if dealing with Lee Gyeon wasn’t complicated enough, Cha Eunha kept sending messages.445f341e945ddd09

What a jobless guy…3aa7168ff75fe47c

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Even while thinking 90d66459c9 that, I found 9ebc8e8c8f myself checking the 0e5fdd1da3 message window. Reading his d2aa7eb1d4 messages made f8ffda5f84 me feel 687e520762 like a 603b696814 normal 23-year-old 6ceb5c3e0f again. Not that e21313ea0e I sent e981e601e9 any replies 4b36f828c1 thanking him ec4aad2e32 for the 21de004b56 messages.c2817dfea1cc36c0

Without intending to reply, I read and reread Cha Eunha’s messages.37f1ad6fb873ca71

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If I hadn’t known Lee Gyeon, could I have sent innocent replies to these messages? I wondered.8636d472befdc863

❖ ❖ ❖c70d0f5d31e0aab1

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“Shooting practice again today?”85414650a147c8c3

In the locker e18b9e4d45 room, Dohun sunbae, 5fe09598d8 an A-rank guide, 132490765e spoke to me. He was someone 62e9cd0efd who had always 85a706a418 reached out to c8fc884872 me from when 0d61ddf3c7 I first became f2298e0953 a guide until 428a521f75 I died. A veteran and leader 38c84c280a of the backup guides, 081210cd1e active since middle school. My reliable support.3210b9f4db83420f

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I nodded in greeting, 0b5d8a2047 lowering the hand holding 6bf4ada1fe my device. Sunbae was in a 664b035ca6 martial arts uniform, probably 1a39f54335 from judo training. His sweat-drenched chest glistened a488bc310a between the open collar.b1e20a5d28b40978

“You’re doing a lot of shooting lately? You’re good at it. Is endless practice the secret?”da1a556088f11728

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“Uh, yeah, sort of.”093cba011faac31b

“Or is there someone you want to blow their head off?”c60b0ecf33ae5839

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“Not really. It’s just that focusing on the target clears my mind.”a26bd41d1003d96d

Sunbae changed 164c236bb6 into a 99c9da0501 dull uniform, fbff7f3c30 moving slower 93a3e8ac02 than usual.f9dd8d6c80edeb70

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“Haegyeol.”f256eecaa70313ae

He seemed to 19e6f0a1ee be hesitating. He had something 66710519bb to say.562be62c4235eb4d

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“There’s a weird rumor going around. That you refused to be Lee Gyeon’s dedicated guide.”0b275b00f75f56be

“….”d21704f5f0bea2fe

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