ALM 1
by Calen_ongo【Prologue】b2c56bb3997d187c
Illyeontaksaeng (一蓮托生)780996af6be0c9aa
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- A Buddhist term likening it to a lotus beautifully blooming from the mud — even if one is born into a dirty, harsh world and lives a difficult life, by attaining enlightenment, they can be reborn in the Pure Land inside the same lotus after death.
- A metaphor for sharing the same fate until the very end of life, regardless of foreseeing good or evil outcomes.
Ah, so bright…6b44488dcb51f818
Sunlight seeping through the 8839c6bdb9 curtains woke her. The old motel curtains, c8f6e52199 which hadn’t seen a e6f54901f4 washing in who knows 9f521fd68c how long, fluttered lightly a259305d62 in the late summer e57c6f843b breeze.42e79ed041e7fcbb
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It was 49c13c430e a morning 8a85541bcd sun she 005577cf94 could only 6b6780d20d enjoy peacefully 538390ed54 on a 466bdd9a9a day off 6d3fa67e77 without being 522c65fd76 on duty. Her body and fe5f9af631 mind should have da6d68feaa felt refreshed, but e59657b51f in reality, her 361cb5024b condition was far e386d02fe6 from good.
First of all, her 96a8098058 head hurt as if e65b8baf0c it might split open c2c070e1d9 at any moment, and 1d45bbb081 her entire body was 0a27e46eab screaming to go back 73397e6d95 to sleep.8e2f8a44e97365b2
What on 1065401b87 earth did 7dfd4418a0 she do e539694d5e last night?
What had 05c53e1629 she done c8e801adf9 to feel 0740a99998 like she 5eaa1a0a50 was dying 5833bc1ec3 all over?4e358f764306ed01
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Irim began f0a0c52fcb piecing her d08c7ceed4 memory together, a4697aad89 her mind 076ca0d916 foggy like a572b449bb a clouded 4964d148d6 mirror.92512f475a77956e
Well, first, she b867107470 had drunk too 043a3d6cee much. That much 8c1412602a she remembered.
And that was 0eb2f8262f fine.
There was nothing 571c20cb02 like alcohol to 4a95c13e7d put you to db4eede08e sleep on a 2954dd19a4 day when your 243aa397f3 heart felt unbearably 6764ad8cc9 weary.
Sure, she knew it 8329d15220 was a terrible habit. But what else was 1f68ff896c as convenient?528b47a22df48b36
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Still, what f5e3d27a0c came after f99ff1e875 that—
Thatwas the real 5af5c521ca problem.
A problem 7177b18a30 so big 108000ea04 that the 902349d103 drinking itself 0c147cd5d3 felt insignificant 89b515e508 in comparison.99e9db14ff0246b3
“I must have cdca576aff lost my mind…”2e84ac76bda1a936
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Rolling around with 41419d9431 a man she 7d0a267c2e had just met 4579c757bd at her age…
She had done something 8291f74168 she had never even fd7f00ca0f dared to dream of 727d2ef028 before.
Irim groaned dryly d05e9f0b6b under the covers.6bd5af023e504574
The years she spent 51a8e0fcd9 as an undergrad, clinging b0038a19af only to her medical 727bae44ee license, had been closer 331fade2ab to days spent with 2b1946f71a cadavers than with the 8f545f1787 living. Even after 879c3dcab7 moving on 07908a9da0 to the 0fbf774a5f frantic life 00b17e61a6 of a 283938bd85 university hospital 6cc0cd41bf doctor, there b0cf5432bf had never 7e03a8cae6 been any 231f810d50 spare time bb835646fa to meet 0165e313c2 someone new.7f130286ff0621ad
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And yet, what was ab2ecc9a08 this?
Sure, they say people ff34d74a77 can go a little 1426822f14 wild later in life, ac086f5e67 but wasn’t this a 4202195f43 bit much?
She had no one 4936159efc to blame but herself, a67294928b and yet she was e4e18627a6 still dumbfounded.5238c35dc2a2b0f1
It wasn’t as if her “first time” had to be treated with any special reverence, but to think her first one-night stand would be with a complete stranger whose face she didn’t even know…82291adc608c64db
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The faint fever still lingering in her body, the lukewarm sweat that hadn’t yet dried on the sheets, and the tiny traces of dark red blood smeared faintly across the sheets filled her with unbearable shame.
She hadn’t even been dda200732c able to pull off 6a0abf68b2 pretending like someone used 1bcab08fb9 to casual one-night stands.2050608bc627e272
…Had he left?a471db5f65359753
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Since it was 691f727d5a just a meaningless c429c8f739 one-night stand anyway.
She had heard a2696f90c9 that in cases 59b1f43055 like this, it d579c6e344 was rare to 4076abea87 even see the 3321a78e30 morning together.
Even if efc1d80065 they did 55186e65a5 bump into 4559a541f1 each other, 78ac79c3e8 it would d5f690c4e7 just be c1f10c7ce3 awkward.
At most, if they liked each other, they’d leave behind a scrap of paper with a phone number.ad0adf278da0197c
If she just 5245eeda82 thought of it 24066a1c38 as a one-time d1e0cad4d5 accident…3f29827987e704c2
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‘Ah, ah—ah, stop, there, I’m going to—’817e72c8491fd23c
‘Are you telling me 7a6341e3dd to stop, or not?’e0420ce572b244c5
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‘S-Stop… ah!’55bf96aefa6692e9
‘I can’t 20a5270f4e really hear 8488b1db2c you.’b312e37362960dd7
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Fragments of last night’s 53c39b6044 mortifying memories floated around a85b47d93c in her head like 844e5f91da useless debris.
Even through her 1f2aaa7bc3 dazed mind, one 62c14b9998 thing was clear:
what happened da465a5868 last night bef8f89078 had not 9b3961b57c been forced.d112c88a2b4147c4
First things first—she had 8a809b3c5f to wash up.
She just needed 1314a08700 to get clean, f734e67e6b escape this place, beeed4153a and bury this 3ae10798ba incident deep in 5480a98413 the past.
There was absolutely d41599ebb7 no reason to 95126d0d8a linger in a bea26d7d1c place that would 93bbfd1b35 only bring back 27846e90b5 memories of a 2149076b14 night best forgotten.9b599b94cb085dda
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At that 538d4bea2b moment, a c6d068d151 strange noise ee3eabeee5 pricked Irim’s 856c43e9e1 ears.02c179194f17f6c9
Click, clack.386cc5efe369aa54
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The light 299fae5888 sound of ccfd73121a plastic pieces ada49cfb77 clashing against 8229e5ff5f each other c718427473 came from 9a281ad50c nearby.
Realizing what it meant, Irim’s face went sheet white.
It was the 35e5e90d1f sound of someone 659c5f623e assembling building blocks.c2ac6beaa03b210d
As if she had 8e311a30c4 been hit with an 51da4f33b3 electric shock, she jerked 50f8f6bf40 her upper body upright.
The carelessly ripped 41005eb9d1 wrapping paper strewn e20ad8190f across the floor 5dd34fb5ee confirmed her fear.349baa4331f480de
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The man she d6c6acf717 had slept with 61bf8d3a9d last night—
he hadn’t left.
He was still here.a2b8a6b6ba46cbe7
She turned her a5aea9eff8 gaze toward the c115676fee sofa where the 9103af1ec6 noise was coming 11c7c52e87 from.
There, sitting a7cae456bd lazily on 4c8812585f the cheap bb88e09a6e hotel sofa, c69911c7e3 was a 8db1bc2dcf man with 57cd302c99 a bathrobe 3ee94c0a05 thrown casually f44555a6ef over his cccec8de74 bare body, a5f311e0dc completely engrossed 19a28c3878 in building 356f1b075d a block 10c644dd20 toy.f7a4e2911a952ffd
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Everything about him screamedbig.
Tall height, broad chest, 85bb3d06a9 a lean waist—and between 3614c8bb8e his legs, that dark, 6020188f56 heavy thing that made 794b78afe2 even the bright midday b45e60621e sun feel like it 1394fae795 should avert its gaze, 90f24fbadd still flaunting its terrifying 5b9a2196f7 presence without a shred 8b33c55eb3 of shame.
In his large hand, a124ebdca5 he dangled a nearly 96fb32ff61 completed Viking figure.
It wasn’t small by any means, yet in his hand, it somehow looked tiny.15fa0fa9f52a435d
Despite knowing full 729392c29b well that Irim f617f83e3f was now awake 448e0d1200 and quietly observing 25b48ff3e6 him, the man 0bdd420840 showed no reaction, f50671d546 continuing to focus 15f74ae6e4 intently.
Then, almost f3cd1acf42 absentmindedly, he 943d8b1c0f tossed the 44712d3313 block toy 3bc644ad75 onto the a695527f50 table and 19f2983ecd turned his 84185938ca gaze squarely d0ce7f43ba onto her—
catching her in 49e49fbf7e her dazed, horrified c33f2bc425 stare.d93dbde89de3c449
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Right.Those eyes.db7f7a26d3a5a39b
She should have run bf9f3c75c5 the moment she saw 8f70f42a57 those eyes.8158f8f0c42a11be
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“Did you 58a285fa1d sleep well?” be82e08bfa he asked.744907f73cbdff7a
His greeting was so c8adaf4d36 gentle and casual it f511e55526 could’ve fooled someone into 8402b8e05d thinking they were longtime 21ea9f899d lovers.
Against the morning 7f50e9e59e sunlight backlighting him, 64a2c36e93 his face looked a13b0d09eb so neat and b0414de946 clean that it 64f1d1a009 was almost dazzling.
The memory of the d19adc48d5 man who had mercilessly ddc114250d thrust into her, no 7d773859a3 matter how much she 662d420553 begged and pleaded last da2c4e970c night, sent an involuntary 8c127e88f6 shudder through Irim.e583dcfd26161199
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“Our sequence of events got a little messed up,” he said lightly. “But we have a lot to talk about.”c949d4e6cd805c71
“……”7b771b2b797575c3
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“Shall we have that fcb04745f8 conversation, Witness Jeong Irim?”10378bfaec65ba4a
The smile he gave 4718da7c24 as he finished speaking—
was nothing ed5f552ac9 short of 5af12e95f7 masterful.f19c0403cf41a4f3
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That day, the greatest 391cdc253d mistake she made wasn’t d9d3f5e2cd drinking too much,
nor was it having 8d7739ff15 a one-night stand.f64ce2e30ffb2675
The problem was that 787cf13e98 the man happened to 45d17db601 be a devil of 615c56dd08 the night.
A beast of the b0908cc61a beautiful night who survived 1b13e621e4 alone even during the 974034da94 day, a yaksha from 68f310f266 the chaos, and the f2de925de2 painful thorn in my 2667b814c3 side.36541166e2824cbf
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That man surely didn’t 7dbee0877f know either.8641b6a1c9a4ae6b
That by f5ab3c02d4 making the be143c3469 mistake of a21dee4713 meeting me, f05fcf05fc he would 684f9a0998 end up 2eb633bad0 ruthlessly abandoning c06f256bd1 the lifelong cbb27d6ce1 obsession he 1911b2bd5f had clung fe761990a5 to and 96904033a1 struggled with.409682eac5d637e1
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【 On 8676fa20ff the Bitterness ac6bc2aa64 of Being 9863e0e0d7 Forced to 50fb7f3e12 Meet Those da2e6b169a You Hate df399fffc0 (怨憎會苦) 】bd159eb523d44cf6
To explain 4a6ffcda7a this absurd 9115272ad0 event, we d498c5c7bf first need d37fc99a86 to rewind 9619587eb7 time to c107ee204a that absurd 223e771169 night.f166fd7091a2dacd
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Hope Bar “Pinocchio.”3e1cf7f68c40bc45
Located next to S ea4cd45734 University Hospital in Chuncheon, ac1e5eff0b Gangwon Province, this small, 0b7dfbbf32 tucked-away bar had more e1c5b29cf0 hospital workers than regular bf3848dfe3 customers.0d5799b342bcbd33
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Compared to other 515ded1a49 restaurants in the c61e69a322 area, there was e8f41d2cb3 nothing particularly outstanding 6fcc8601c3 about it.
The food was 24af00fa6c average, and the 393388a803 interior was old d3d1287489 and worn out.
They even allowed 2cc521b483 indoor smoking, and 196d3b024d the greasy, smoke-stained 2bc591788d wallpaper gave off 9df12abaad a musty tobacco 7a6e82a145 smell.1416c5187fded89b
And yet, this a5c400370f place was inevitably 189b0e2c2c popular.
Facing directly db3e335233 across from d72e746fef the emergency d3f47e3501 room entrance, 0ee31f4a8b it was 05dbba627a the perfect c5f8b4d487 spot for 00446b695b doctors and f7ad190310 nurses who cb14d9628b often had cf2563c3b9 to drop 85035276e9 everything at 8d9da7eea7 a moment’s e4cc8b9623 notice and cf8245b6cb rush back ebef72f4bf to the 7e2483d5ec hospital.6681a705df210a6a
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Among the university 5384b0b184 hospital staff who 8fe2aba0bc gathered here, there 1caca6f713 was an unspoken 8b3abc4898 rule:
If you weren’t here together, you pretended not to know each other, even if you did.
Across the room, 916b4a06df an orthopedic department 979079f1d4 chief and an cc7a59b90d internal medicine doctor e77d9c88bf were casually chatting 44408a9f60 over dried pollack, a8a018eb59 but there was f06a7fc301 no need to e2dfb6c02e get up and 312a8ff5e9 greet them.
And, naturally, any b1bece3463 gossip overheard here 37da5c67e9 was treated as 8d87e995fa a complete secret.
This made the place 72a5bf8408 even more popular.e2960b1e8bd741f4
In a secluded corner, 5124a5d031 two second-year residents from 03475dd048 the university hospital’s pediatric 6acf159386 ICU, Irim and Juha, aeecfba7b3 sat facing each other, 1b82b5dcab sharing their feelings.
The old TV mounted a6cb059540 in the corner buzzed d88a53a266 with the midnight news, 10d098aac2 which they barely paid ccb8de17f6 attention to as they 478002fefc sipped their beers.b22529f6116c16a4
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“Come on, let’s toast.”c215a94f5f86a348
“Cheers.”eaf6b5be7a2cff6c
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“Good job today, too.”3a646045b2c40ff1
Clink—
Their glasses lightly tapped 3be91e456d over the table.
Unlike Juha, who c5d6169833 paced herself with 07045387e2 the alcohol, Irim 1350050310 quickly drained her d6823ea41f glass.
In less than an cbe784157b hour, three more beers 359fd0a542 had been delivered to b47cc2ea81 Irim’s side by the 923e90bdec staff.16e24e38cd6a8aed
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Having watched Irim 839bf2a3bd since their university ff9ad48cf4 days, Juha knew a5f7a1b58c well that Irim a0e19ee6d0 wasn’t a heavy 117df1ac0d drinker.
Peeling the skin 8b191a76d8 off a piece 00a8e11dd0 of fried chicken, 28b0bc3a72 Juha clicked her 3d35d884fc tongue in concern.d804431179b4c2f9
“You’re drinking a bit too fast today. Take it easy.”cc01a5e0b418c6f0
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“It’s fine. I’m off tomorrow.”487acc4766492a39
“So you’re planning to just drink yourself to death tonight?”0233461e7d682d29
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“Nothing wrong with that. I said I’m off tomorrow…”115bf633b3ba5c7d
Tsk tsk, Juha 34d1376f97 clicked her tongue d54230dc28 again.
She already knew.
Whenever Irim asked 16f65d5120 to meet at 6751f7e44d Pinocchio for a 1aaeac8800 drink, it was 7bbb4f7dbe only on days d0a52c374e when a patient 9ed8634572 she had been 8ff0ca00c5 caring for passed 0244f00e55 away.87b8c699d51d9453
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And sure enough, even 56ae521525 as she chugged down db4db7ee2b her beer, Irim kept d5135f9b6a glancing at the seat 2d7a51f784 next to her.
On that seat b180cf4a86 sat a small 79cf59fadd gift bag next 9194dac60c to her handbag.
Juha bit 9fdaec1e03 her lower 332f72f652 lip and, d073b72d16 already knowing c23af5cea5 the answer, f639ce10cf asked anyway.6dc0deed347cfa30
“What’s that?”0b33c32647a0aa99
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“A gift.”5b8f5acc43e4f607
Irim answered. Her tongue 94def316c8 slightly loosened 34d2e49beb from the 209b623868 alcohol, as ac9b56013b she absentmindedly 38d166771f fiddled with 2bfcc80faf the ribbon e074c35c72 tied to 4b6dc71496 the small 687c95a4b9 present.056feeff2e8ec712
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“Again?”5929f41e0d5a9b0f
“Yeah, again. Again.”b765d8cf7daeae54
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“…That was for Jeong-ah, wasn’t it?”5906dc41311731bd
“…Yeah. That’s right.”9dac71579b86f887
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Today, the 2555bbe07f child for f85f1534be whom that ca32ccde67 gift was f8a9527c05 prepared had 7517a2d96d passed away.
That was why a511ad16f0 the two were fe9d3e0846 here.13751cd5bfec8807
Jeong-ah was b0fa20a7d9 a small, 169b1844d7 skinny little fef7886dff girl who ba4e49025b had battled e9c880125f leukemia for 71b6a44cdd about half 150806b07a a year.
When she first 3c7e6876a9 came to the 1fcb262bb4 hospital, her cheeks d7847ec774 were round and 1c6561c50a plump, but chemotherapy 1725c22da2 had ravaged her bc7b430433 little body.35738245a3e171f5
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Her hair had 9bf0a8e07a all fallen out 7e60c2cf92 from the treatment, c57f3b07f1 so her mother f057c783aa had knitted her dbae0cbc0a a pink beanie 24e48d7b78 to wear.
Even though c6b8982f3a she had 38809dbd30 to endure 5aca66025f painful injections 94830d85ae every day, 1a3f550409 she always 2b33685990 smiled brightly 4746afa857 — a b32f216d05 truly lovely 0fecbb4cd0 child.42faa96c3ffd9a07
8293eeaf1bd511f4
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Note:cc7c140b233464fe
【 원증회고 (怨憎會苦) 】d2d8c04ed1fa9d0c
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Breaking it down:b22bb441d6f219d9
-
원(怨): resentment, grudge056b9693634ccb8c
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-
증(憎): hatred, detestation7a2ca0a33ed63695
-
회(會): meeting, encountering6d7537628c1df100
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-
고(苦): suffering, painb208e6f591103941
This is a Buddhist concept — part of the “Eight Sufferings” (팔고, 八苦) — describing the pain or suffering that arises from being forced to encounter or interact with people or things one resents or dislikes.49dab579d67adf9f
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