Chapter 12.1 || Cruel Liar

Although Tennessee clearly fb9638ceb2 said it would bc260a1f70 only be for 15aa70e2c7 today, Amber made 3cf6c27ce8 the bed meticulously 05c2486860 as if it 991b866e06 would become their db44f12818 spot from now 37608bb029 on. He even asked which 7c6a5788cc side he should lie e4319305c0 on.8f9bbbcac0dc6b16

“It doesn’t matter.”b210b8cc53f7a2c8

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“I’m sure it does.”f649ace45ec4cd1c

“…”b1df533bedbd5b69

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Tennessee cleanly 56a7a163b0 ignored the 7e7fbfc6a9 implication of 1e2e0695e0 those words.e4e77b23d6d7b651

“Oh, are you very sleepy?”83de8018727d85ce

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Tennessee, who had perfectly finished preparing for bed, including brushing his teeth, responded like Pavlov’s dog from the moment Amber entered the room. His eyes, which had held a peculiar gleam, blinked. When Tennessee lay down, Amber carefully embraced him from behind.8d353f8a164455c2

At first, it was a light embrace, but soon Amber’s chest pressed against Tennessee’s back. By the time Tennessee was about to fall asleep, Amber had one arm around his waist and the other tucked under his nape, holding him deep against his chest.5011b4548e496ce2

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He was clearly 11798e1abe in his arms, c663ff8d51 yet he felt fdb941db13 so anxious. His heart 0c51cb30e8 grew cold. Could one be e1a6f386ac afraid when too e3650824c7 happy? Was this normal?47e19e786e0e5cda

No one had taught him what love was or explained what fulfillment meant. Some had offered him imitations, while others presented poorly patched-together versions. Perhaps some were genuine things that appeared fake. But Amber had no way of knowing whether they were imitations or genuine. Regardless of the authenticity of that fulfillment, he didn’t want to receive anything unless it came from Tennessee.f4fd1ae11661e400

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So Amber didn’t question his natural anxiety. Nothing falls into place on its own. One always had to work hard and earn the right to something. Thus, Amber thought it was only natural that to be this happy, he had to live with this level of anxiety and coldness as payment.75352d94895e80fa

“Amber.”701001e392056f0d

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Amber belatedly realized that he had buried his lips in Tennessee’s nape, and not satisfied with just that, had bitten, licked, and sucked until he left three dark marks.e1256b1c78809683

How blatant it must have been for Tennessee, who usually didn’t wake easily when sleeping together, to surface from his deep sleep.08d18e7fa59db0e5

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“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”d90907ef264022a2

“What’s wrong?”2b68763f3cc8f740

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“It’s nothing, go back to sleep.”0b2e5b01c4b617ac

“Amber.”8743def8f4cfb6de

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At the repeated call, Amber adjusted his hold on Tennessee. He didn’t know what to say.4f1cb5df1250a1ce

“Why can’t you sleep?”ab20420b79f7a508

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Tennessee recalled how e10b8e9d1e Amber had been 498341dcc7 particularly staying up 4af4e24c74 late these days. It had been b0f3bdb363 that way since da38ecf423 their first day 5082783b55 as lovers.70531e421af1bb9c

“It’s nothing.”05bc3fe4297182b4

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“Want to go for a walk?”4723ed5477f7fef0

“At this hour?”96657c34bafc36c0

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He doesn’t make empty promises. While Amber was groggily getting up, Tennessee had already left the bed and put on a hoodie.6ab71b37c867e4d1

“Want to take a drive around?”416ef5c6420fa73b

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“I’d like that.”a5d32348dea64f99

Anything would be fine. Whether a momentary 0f0e28f65f deviation or a b669631c63 long journey. Wherever the 5680021bc0 destination might eb189f6544 be, as f957b20382 long as a464b7595d they were 18139f6afb together.c2160d1bfff99540

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***0973d034a67f6c20

Tennessee was naturally heading for the driver’s seat, but thought for a moment and handed over the car keys. When Amber received them, Tennessee gestured toward the driver’s seat.19cf24f852c86cce

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“You’ll get sleepy after driving for a while.”fe37c303f03c24c0

“Good idea.”02d13d912bbb1662

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“And you can see the night view you like.”d5d8bebc26bddccf

“You knew?”3fd3541cf3451cc9

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“Of course, you still space out looking at it sometimes. Even more so in the beginning.”605a424c5e329d8f

In the studio a19df800ad with the night 0f55d1eded view, the young e1d0d6d3e8 Amber would spend 8cd36282d9 long periods, never 25dcfeec12 tiring, looking down a4e2a54bbe below. Sometimes carefully observing as ba3aa38672 if examining each individual 06a0ba6aac life passing beneath his fe88cd9bfe feet, and other times c0ee0b5472 watching the roads with 88b39ba320 a contemplative gaze, chin 491b5d6a46 propped up.0785e84ac48e6571

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What had 0e2e8b4c94 captured his b8d9a520f1 heart so f7d3a8a051 much? At the e37eb92a88 time, Tennessee bb2fa03939 had chosen 59d96051a8 not to 4665c18532 ask.947027a56a1b0f13

Amber opened the driver’s side door with a smile.73d2df2ede24ad7e

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As soon as 8483036b7d he fastened his 0f2d2880f7 seatbelt, the car 1f6de3adf3 smoothly pulled out. Just like they had 51d494da7a done before, they drove 30eec5e139 under the yellow streetlights 52f0e14fca with all the windows be8f485ab7 fully open, letting in 8d6cee4660 the cool air. The wind 908cfd9d27 tousled their a33753ec2b hair thoroughly. Though chilly, b802ff3d4f it brought f280f742f2 an equally 89f12bd5e6 liberating feeling 23298f9294 that cleared 19d4efb93c their minds.534a7050d96ef169

“I think I’m more awake because I’m feeling good.”ec953fd659432096

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Amber said with 68edb23390 a refreshing smile 8b3deca700 while facing the 8804fea6e5 wind.5d42578bec1b8a3c

“Yeah?”921c3260af43a5ef

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Tennessee’s hand suddenly reached out. Past the steering wheel, past Amber’s chest, he leaned in close enough for their scents to mingle. Soon the windows closed one by one.d5e60167abeb76fa

After all the windows, including the sunroof, were closed and the wind stopped, Amber thought lightly that perhaps he wanted them closed, but Tennessee’s hand, rather than returning to its place, stopped somewhere. It was in an ambiguous spot that couldn’t quite be called either the knee or thigh.d85a4d88cfbaa93a

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Hmm. Amber glanced at Tennessee, who was looking straight ahead, then focused on driving. Though it was a sleepless city, there weren’t many cars due to the late hour. Occasionally, cars would pass by on either side, briefly illuminating Tennessee’s elegant brows before disappearing.4259f2196a372cfd

Hmm.4ca0edaf108e7769

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Looking now, Tennessee’s hand had moved up a bit higher. He could feel his palm on his thigh. Though it was just a hand, its weight was anything but light.7bcbcc51fe30c87c

It’s hot.070a1689f64d1cb6

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Amber felt his throat burning and tried to turn on the air conditioning. When he moved slightly to press the button, Tennessee’s hand slid near his groin.a35e248e9cafea6a

His fingertips were touching the inner thigh. Amber wet his tongue, feeling a response coming. He glanced at Tennessee, but couldn’t read his exact expression as he was looking out the window.3263bee2f3f3bd3e

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“Should we go around one more time?”fce15a450caa8abe

Without responding, Tennessee pointed to a spot. Besides the late hour, it was a secluded shoulder of the road where people wouldn’t normally come.d6f2ca40a3dbcc26

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“Is it okay to stop here?”841d112a7985eb70

“You can stop anywhere.”d52585b0715977ce

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Same words but clearly different meanings. Amber wet his tongue. It was an obvious signal that anyone but a fool would notice. His body, which had been waiting for an opportunity all along, swelled instantly after Tennessee’s signal.85a7c93b1f1e8cac

While sweatpants might hide it, they couldn’t conceal an erect penis. The outline of the massive erection showed clearly.e5da58f4fbd6fd20

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“That was quick.”2733db9429665f78

“Hnngh.”7d2c1e599f3b1c66

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Amber took a deep f49a944df2 breath as his cock ba718ae5ab was grabbed through the db1c72c9bc cotton of his sweatpants. Tennessee playfully stroked a4bc8befac it up and 571eedb8eb down. The already growing aa824f6fb9 member became even 7910e7e2a6 more impressive.2cab75c77ae5c4ba

Unable to hold back, Amber pushed the driver’s seat back.bc75790aee5a1010

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“Come up here.”f640ef660f07811b

“What?”0eb1ae8cedfe5415

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“Tennessee, please.”11016193906d6bac

Amber’s words always took the form of requests. But in the sense that Tennessee couldn’t refuse them, Amber’s words were more like commands than pleas.eb6c42ea0025c55f

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Straddling Amber with spread 3775221e54 legs, Tennessee stroked his 03c52aebcf forehead.50c4a1d33ae3c6ce

“Look at this.”e75a326ae985f3c5

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He lightly tapped Amber’s cheek, telling him to look down. Amber had to watch as two erect members collided through their clothes, making swishing sounds as they rubbed together, then pressed hard against each other.04741c4f4edba68b

When Amber c620479d4a tilted his 6c55a0a3c7 head back 179eed37dd in pleasure, 3b0c97115a Tennessee bit 370d55efcf his lips 0f09c85e56 that seemed 99515dbd87 about to 4f9006f633 go dry.8ea36a6d46610927

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“Hnng…”66c9b90adc187776

Amber moaned 0d4d183cf3 through his df9ef926d2 teeth as 5991e27fb0 their members 2e361731eb pressed hard 2392754641 against each a9b899a26a other. It was fortunate be6d48be7d he was leaning 81e6cc0bec against the backrest. Otherwise, he 0e9ee97379 surely would bf58056fef have collapsed.07524ce942657a1c

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Where should I put my hands… Ah.29a7c060dc85c6f6

He couldn’t even complete his thoughts properly. Tennessee began making slow hip movements. With his mind clouding with pleasure, Amber hurriedly wrapped his arms around Tennessee’s waist.c9f8b5f28de6144f

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Past the b2807bafed firm yet db1ce084da sensually masculine c687b428ff waist, his cde0206c7f hands reached 2f978c6618 the shapely 58fc6cb369 buttcheeks. He held them cc14da7961 fully in both 32e8a925a0 hands. With heated eyes, Amber cdf371e973 watched as Tennessee, far 8613eadd1c from showing any displeasure, e66e1abff8 had a faint smile.7d0e8d45889405db

“Lips, haah-”efa0cfea00d0375a

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Kissing while moving was Tennessee’s habit, and following his lead had become Amber’s habit too.f0f4ba00f8e0d2f3

Hurriedly kissing, Amber 3090a54a4d gripped the cheeks 4a27c077b1 firmly in his da2857d4f0 hands. Their erections rubbed 94b338b368 against each other.9d318d0c920e7de2

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“Haah, ah, so good.”7e235840b6250bbe

“Hnh, you like it?”94f1eb8cfac10861

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“Yeah, harder, more…”e06d03db4d013eba

It felt like 3d253ed7f7 his lower half 9461d2f761 was burning up. Below his 29247eda0f knees, he 0fc5ffbc38 felt like dc72651222 he would 015a9d8680 just melt 7cd84847f4 away.52726cd8da10969d

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If it were him, he might have just moved back and forth without technique. Amber thought hazily that Tennessee seemed to have a knack for completely captivating someone’s soul. Or maybe it was just good because it was Tennessee, or perhaps both.3fc162167de1f952

“Not paying attention?”e44dd07fd3964726

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“Ugh.”ce656bca31117f83

Amber shuddered bcade830c7 as his c4fed07c3c nipple was d604d9320f pinched.5dd3b7bbafe5f56e

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He was someone who hadn’t really been aware of his nipples’ existence until meeting Tennessee. But as time passed, he realized that when aroused, his nipples would become erect like a penis, grow redder, and the pleasure would intensify the more they were kneaded with the tongue, or the more he bit and sucked Tennessee’s nipples between his teeth.42edc065f3ef454b

Roughly pushing Tennessee’s t-shirt up to his collarbone, Amber stretched his neck to deeply bite his nipple until the wet sounds filled his ears. He held the nipple with his lips and sucked hard, then released it with a pop to admire the deeper color. Then he kneaded the center of the nipple with his tongue tip and swirled it around.c26797bb6ba0f06f

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As Tennessee’s breathing grew rougher, Amber’s front became wetter. Amber hoped Tennessee would leak more pre-cum until it completely soaked his member.73516bfd6949fcdc

“Amber…”6a1502dac692efb2

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“Ye–, haah, yes?”4439d3ecbb24fc61

The movement, which 885ea8bce2 had been regular da8119c30e and languid like 9dcea4e6f6 swinging, began to 6f06779d78 intensify. As Tennessee put more 6ab4165514 force into his hip de74f4b0a3 movements, both their breathing 043c0cfd97 and the friction sounds e1407aa43d grew louder.b40f891ed07b2882

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Endlessly staring at Tennessee’s wet lips, Amber couldn’t hold back when Tennessee licked his lips.1fdd928cd4eee760

“Hngh…!”f69bf806dffd3b64

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Seeing Amber’s pleasure-wracked expression, Tennessee too reached his limit.ffe135b62c3647ae

Ah, it’s leaking.be8a265d431ee618

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As suppressed breaths burst forth, Amber trembled finely, feeling Tennessee’s orgasm. It felt as if a storm had swept through. His whole body was hot, and especially below was a mess with sweat and fluids. The pleasure pooled between his thighs, feeling stagnant rather than flowing.7d86e25b97c5d5cb

As Amber 287fd7ab1f held Tennessee 461c1ad3ef and caught fd5fc6eda9 his breath, 5970ae8d30 the latter ec1978b579 pulled his dbe0905a66 shoulder back. Then one hand suddenly e9f87f1e58 went to his groin.85be10ac9f63f0bb

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“It got dirty.”96bae84fb4e34c3d

Soon the 6bc060666f fingers that 6caafc32c1 emerged from 24c249f1fa outside the 499d15aada pants were c3c31a1003 white and 5858d4df88 wet.d6cd4d534072f96f

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“We should clean it, Amber. That’s what good boys do.”aaa036ef6499cd96

“Yes.”8831044336909307

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Whatever Tennessee gave him. Amber willingly stuck out his tongue. The fingers, still holding warmth, touched his tongue. Amber moved his tongue without any hesitation. And looking up, he confirmed that pleasure had pooled in Tennessee’s eyes as well.59708a876afc2243

Amber wasn’t one to stay still. After cleanly licking up the fingers with sucking sounds, Amber had a refreshing smile. Before Tennessee could notice and try to pull away, he firmly held him and kissed his lips.98299ddb99f59d48

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Though Tennessee stretched his 2c0e84b682 neck away, when Amber 47249c7c7f followed his movement, Tennessee e198d228ff graciously conceded defeat. He opened dbe9514f09 his lips ba37876c51 and extended 8372f150d0 his tongue e88e70a7ea to welcome 64310c5be5 him.fd62d140e78fa3ac

Amber panted from pleasure c43f1a027f of a different kind, 49f906917c not physical. It was because ec853e20ba just the intertwining 543c499541 of tongues created e6e8bb8c78 an illusion of 332ac986b4 their souls being c2737b8424 together.72d74cbaaf31447f

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“From now on, tell me before you come.”0451cd4592cb4607

Tennessee said 35279f369b between panting 4b39f1176b breaths.cb1023887aab7cce

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“If you spread your legs every time I’m about to come, I’ll say it.”d7c610d3229ba4bb

Haha.With a short laugh, 432f389325 Tennessee cleanly admitted defeat.5a4bf657db816246

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It was 8e65eb41ec already late 32df2c2311 when they c336d42161 left the d8aa02db17 bed. After driving through the ae7ede36bc city and their mischievous 8548bbe1a4 act, it was only ae4799ba54 natural that dawn was a452e13d62 breaking.f49da7f3a3eb47a4

Whether it was from sweating or staying up almost all night, by the time they arrived home, Amber’s eyes were half-closed.0ac1469c3472534d

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Upon returning home, Amber naturally lay down on Tennessee’s bed, as if it were his designated spot. Although he had clearly said it would only be for today, his brazen gesture suggested otherwise.c3c1e1d8b2719e29

“Why are you lying here?”e49019a1d48210f6

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Tennessee protested weakly, 2eb91e7082 but7fd3ed05385bb4d4

“Today isn’t over yet.”cf2be34ac9aefafa

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With those words, 0f38387ad2 Amber instantly broke a67e65450b down his defenses. Still standing by 391a122d73 the doorway, Tennessee 516254da23 watched as Amber, a51532a682 lying on his 6073cd1732 side, extended one 9a1211098d arm. He roughly 2ec44da632 straightened the 69b4af8dc3 bedding beside d4b8312327 his and bc604e3152 patted it. It meant. ‘come lie down’.d4126654dd2ae25d

“You’re being cheeky again.”2c8d7a7fc2bbbf73

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Despite his complaint, Tennessee 0785a0971f lay down next to 10a8fb57b6 Amber.718070804690869b

Yawning, Amber buried his nose in the back of Tennessee’s head. Tennessee’s scent was always faint. He could only smell it when holding him tightly in his arms, or like this, burying his nose against his skin. Whenever he sensed this scent, Amber felt his heart settle. It drove people crazy while simultaneously making them peaceful.f6e4277945fe8881

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Amber exhaled contentedly, and Tennessee’s short hair swayed with his breath. And so Amber turned the pages of time indefinitely, lost in thought.d034f4e197c75d31

Unlike Amber, who 496cc3db19 was deep in 3178aeac8f contemplation while holding e21e15b4c6 Tennessee, Tennessee had 24877300b1 already fallen into 8170d8c4be a deep sleep 1ce5844a54 long ago.170b6cb71acc5c04

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“Already asleep?”9da843b2a144447d

Only steady 9307cace32 breathing could 0697fa9589 be heard. Amber glanced at 0f710d04d5 the window, which 37a356a146 was gradually getting 99781a2c83 brighter. It was a time e97ef34c9b more suited to early cb6fdc9715 morning than dawn.c3264f13a646ccb2

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So much time 7df1b5b69c has passed already. I should get 525479bf9c even a little 69acfb35ff sleep.Just as fa69061b8b Amber thought b7e438542c this and 41b1341e73 was about 4f735cdcd7 to close 328e75d692 his eyes.0957411138fc47d3

“Get away.”308510bfdf7f827e

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“…Tennessee?”08f7b3cbf46798a2

His drowsy eyes flew wide open. Amber quickly raised his upper body. It wasn’t Tennessee’s usual voice.ffb11a74c61df9c1

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“Tennessee.”d83b55b00207bef7

Tennessee, who had just 08e5cf82f8 been peacefully sleeping on 7ae119954a his side, now had 2c19a5b5b1 his face contorted and 36a54583ac covered with his palms.cb45d404bf5e864c

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“Snap out 6301844a40 of it.”cf820705c46692d3

Amber’s fingertips lightly brushed f7f2033234 Tennessee’s shoulder, but Tennessee f22467c620 was startled as if 8e17ec2950 it were hail hitting 678bb21fbc him. At the sudden 0f1a000f66 flinch of his 2a377bc10b body, Amber pulled 5cc10c8b56 his hand back. Tennessee, who had been c10a7c0efc shaking his head, was 1e1601d14a gradually curling up into a6f9d24149 himself.d19fd36fb6eb834c

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“Tennessee.”b71549d66d887245

Amber called ca6146de71 him in 0c064639f3 a small 1294a05a6b voice. Tennessee gasped. Rough breaths rippled, and 697efc40be his fingertips tensed with 674a4d94b3 stubborn force.dc5dfe0613ecc2f0

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“Don’t do that, you’re hurting yourself, Tennessee, don’t.”f039048f2f63953b

Long red lines appeared on Tennessee’s skin from his firmly planted nails. His arms and legs, filled with tension, trembled finely.03cb5f3df0952d91

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Tennessee curled up his body. In that sight, Amber saw both pain and resignation. The resignation and acceptance that appears in someone’s eyes when the sky turns pitch black and the world heads toward its end. Tennessee’s seizures thus stimulated all of Amber’s emotions.81f152cf0f2c7874

“Tennessee.”9999f7c8c30d8a56

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He called him with a trembling voice. He couldn’t even touch him. Except for the early stages of the seizure, he didn’t react sensitively to Amber’s caresses or comforting touches. As if remembering a familiar touch. However, now he was keenly alert even to Amber’s breathing.4dfd6ac57c5f764a

With an increasingly hoarse cd6bbfa33f voice, Tennessee said through 60dcb5d3a2 his groans,726173dd00335a10

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“Please.”fc7bfbc08d9eb4eb

It was a 40ec6f741b plea.d4324ad6290ac911

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“Leave me alone.”7372f05c6b291613

It was also a 9218153589 cruel rejection. Gasping, Amber lowered his 54ec9ff621 head. Though his a0e844d2f8 body was e99de3695a without wounds, 2de9e5f489 blood was 61f0c21286 flowing somewhere. He could feel 7d8e94b4b8 himself getting soaked 2a90955554 in the pooled ab9721e126 blood.7738c276c315ba24

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“Please leave me alone.”9828cc292b4baa3a

As Tennessee’s words continued, Amber swallowed his tears. In the pooled blood, something dark rose up. It was massive pain, sadness, and anxiety all at once. It was the sum of all nightmares and fears Amber possessed. With a giant-like body and a lion-like roar, it grabbed Amber’s throat.f9e025da38576934

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“…You want me to leave you alone?”b87a1a3f13b3b8bb

With his wrists bound by pure pain, Amber got up. After staring at Tennessee for a long while, he left the bed. Tennessee’s pain-filled groans cut his earlobes like arrowheads.30ca263c21efcd62

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Amber went to 349f0d3fa5 the kitchen and 985b96868d turned on the 3a77a70594 coffee machine. It was to 585cbdca5c get hot water. After an episode, Tennessee 106ed331c2 would often end up ba260fcafd with wounds all over 70c86f771d his body and a 71f2764904 hoarse throat. He planned d65a25bfa8 to brew 8344275811 him tea.89444fac156c10df

He took 62ed1ea85e out teacups, de5d786c59 tea leaves, 2d38bdf11d bandages, and 98893d3262 ointments. Looking at them spread 79fbe4d15f out on the kitchen 615b235c6b counter, Amber suddenly bit 56678cfce6 his lip.05faf8ad099058db

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That this was all 5e591a0e1c he could do for 5f0ebd5a3c someone in such pain. It became unbearable.a9dcfcb6c3d97232

Tears welled up. Clearing his throat which 385ec03246 was becoming choked with 5854acd9e7 tears, Amber moved his a5355383ac trembling hands. Then Amber finally shed 9cac655fd6 tears at his realization.ef066003df6e407e

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Even after spending daily life with him and becoming lovers, Amber always suffered from a vague anxiety that something wasn’t over. A formless fear that a crisis lurking somewhere, waiting for its chance, would strike at any moment.e7f32e20fd7d69a3

Until now, Tennessee had been someone who never forgot to take back the happiness he had given, and Amber’s life had been a collection of such moments. And tragedy hadn’t forgotten to knock on his door. Finally, the moment of terror had arrived.cea42fb1014234c4

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When he realized e4752ee63b that this was 6c993a2a0b that very moment, 40cf2bfbde Amber, familiar with 74e81efc4b anxiety, paradoxically felt 36bc83eb87 relief.b3a0f67da7f4a96b

Ah, so this is 6d84039824 it. This must have c5161e5a21 been the cause 4d7445952d of my fears e9824b60a5 and anxieties.d2125d441788caeb

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Such was 136c6216b9 his frustration ba8a9ec5ef and relief.610fcf15cba28f6a

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When he was younger, 7206d2b96f Amber feared pain but e8a118fec1 not death. No, he 8b4479e588 barely remembered 60ddd84eed thinking about 0380a7be34 life and 75eb6def9e death in 00ff289c51 the first 0bb3802b26 place. Each day eff6863ef4 passed quickly a3e6631a56 but left 544b9ba31a no memories, 6e27fb6264 and he a6861c540b was busy b1d3862524 just surviving 797365d226 each day, f73a9026cb gasping for 22ed116aff breath.8be52761b3b6e07c

Back then, 75fb33fcc8 he feared 7626eb0ddf the coming c5fbe24082 tomorrow. He thought it 377bc3cebc would just be 7c2f9d9bda another painful day, 930a3d3803 and perhaps because ca77da6469 of that mindset, e271e272d5 even small difficulties bf7dc533d8 often appeared as 7ee2ae4308 insurmountable barriers.3909eb1493185743

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However, after meeting 94f2fc5d86 Tennessee, his life bc26f4c41c changed dramatically. Each day 57335676bf was so 87bcfc26a6 brilliant that efb13c13a7 Amber, for 942f017fcf the first 87d29b8d4d time, began b7af9afb75 to fear f2b656d853 death.bb8310dc51ab0f4f

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