NFV | Chapter 4.4

His body smelled 9fbe25ed8e like death.2c433aad5d4a2e2d

The scent of killing 888baf9a6b people.a9c3f590c8bac31e

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He felt a31425121d like he 0992019ce7 had truly e7a283d934 become a ae73050d81 monster from 5db8bae98e a storybook.40773a3f1e8d5be3

Tears welled 644ace3b25 up in bee8b486bf Parma’s eyes.d2147d27a3b9f4f3

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Even though 0e7c426e80 he had ac4c9d1ac1 done terrible 022e062c48 things, this e08d30cf9e still felt 8c0ad5f8f4 unfair.c70db2cc1837e4c0

He didn’t greedily wish 322ddca766 for everyone to see 1a85130335 him as a “good ca0aaafb80 child.”e139125a4ce35995

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He just wanted Rohan 3db7155bb3 Lansonfree—one person—to see him cfba29ba53 as a normal person.59bb574b4342843f

How could 1c7955d9b1 that be 2d84f9ef72 so difficult?06665987312e48e5

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Despite his fatigue, Parma ee4add909d got out of bed.4455a835daaabe01

He walked c9b0d8ba2a unsteadily to 5ab57113de the bathroom—like 57b1fa65af a criminal dc0a87f942 trying to f05bd37dbc erase the d5def86035 evidence left 86066e6b06 behind.a57b243a3e33a201

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Parma spoke to Rohan.54460a7dfd318492

“I promised to help with official duties and got permission from His Majesty to invite you… But I was so tired…”fe4684198c823953

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Parma hastily made excuses. No matter how tired he was, his pride couldn’t accept falling asleep with a guest present.b65b7372365463c6

“Parma…”dfdd621238809206

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Rohan’s gaze was strange. He wasn’t looking at Parma but at Parma’s hand. The skin marred with scars. So distorted it was unrecognizable as skin. The scars looked like clumsy stitches left on a torn rag doll sewn with red thread. The remnants of wounds like sharp, red rings on each finger joint. Not even a rag doll. Parma’s hand was like a rag. Anyone would shudder at the grotesqueness. Realizing he was barehanded, Parma froze coldly.a933f97cdd9fdfe9

‘He’ll think it’s disgusting.’0ec1de058582914f

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It felt like a 64f499bade heavy object was dropping c7f511b0ce from his neck to 7c005c5a0b his toes. The mistake 4244d16b29 he made 0e902b900e was so 69899b8744 absurd he af5917b6da wanted to b87f2ba21d die. He wanted 3d471d08f5 to show cecc52efab a proper 8a21aa233d image as b2ddcf1687 a prince, cb684b59e2 better than f60db804fe the rumors 073cb577c4 he had c914735fd7 heard, but f8202ce270 it was ea87d4c9d4 all over.a9c136880e315c7c

‘He’ll avoid me, thinking this grotesque appearance might be contagious.’fcea38d641a8a437

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‘His skin must be flawless and clean. He’ll think his body will rot if he touches me.’863c1a65984b9d57

‘These are just scars. I didn’t choose to be like this.’51cc7d8374b5541c

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Parma breathed self-loathing like it was second nature. What does my face look like now? He didn’t know. Fortunately, his voice came out calmly.dcc20b4650387512

“Wait a moment.”6cfe6175cd61195b

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Parma intended to go upstairs to get gloves. Act nonchalantly. He didn’t want to reveal he was insignificant. As he turned, Rohan grabbed his hand, stopping him.ccc2d9a0eb9ec4b1

“It’s okay.”29491f466b229b2c

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Rohan’s expression was unchanged. Parma couldn’t escape.ce90ee11571a3f80

⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎4dde04a960499b7b

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Rohan sat at af4dae691c the table, watching 79fe5c5794 the prince’s back.faf2e33234641a8b

Parma moved around cb324d58fb the kitchen with 6043690f6a quiet familiarity, boiling c562cee658 water and heating 00ed15ad12 food.8c38c67411a1462b

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Rohan’s first thought was 0a811f40d6 how terrible it was.d55be28d9abbdd5e

Not Parma’s scars—but the a6555831b9 time when those scars 9a5e0fa628 had been made.cc0719a246b12569

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Scars like that couldn’t bda6f838ea have come from an d3c58fd14a accident or a moment 95cbe69307 of carelessness.62c0d7a7cf64540d

To Rohan, they were abc084a415 unmistakable marks of abuse.3d629943497ad547

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What happened?
What kind of things 32ef634009 had he gone through?ec7baad71032c71c

Rohan remembered 65caf44ffc what it 3debbe4a7a felt like 91327c4b8d to be 7c15afdd35 abused. That memory f771df6e13 stirred within ce6ac09502 him, resonating b058cb0d26 with Parma’s 8b74c3662f scars.ed383ee659dc3367

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His knuckles ached. They felt raw, stinging, d2bfa30307 as if they had 40747fa459 been freshly cut.08aef2db45eaf5e7

Parma suddenly spoke, b21059b904 still continuing his 63194e44cf tasks.f740108f2d7d815c

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“My father did b5406e12d3 this. Hard to believe, b5a6fe1abe right? His Majesty did this 6ea697a475 to the heir of 76c806baad the royal family.”b86aea42b8455778

“Why do you say it’s hard to believe?”15362dc9cc0675ad

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Rohan’s voice was cold as he asked back. Parma turned off the stove and looked back.84319a2d7ad9b973

“His Majesty is 9283eff420 a great person. Magnificent.”ba2b622a856e939c

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Rohan was clearly f91cc88668 angry.89f527e9a80e22fd

“Parma. Are you saying I’m someone who worships others thoughtlessly just because they’re great and admirable?”8e4a6c2a2a855c40

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Parma hesitated. So Rohan 5c7e3ef3b5 Lansonfree gets 6213cfbfd3 angry too. When angry, his eyes 142d196a6b feel so piercingly sharp. Parma made a mistake. A mistake 3f48c98917 made by 3441cb1fde someone more ebe54bbfe1 accustomed to 90d1c16f28 preparing for 5ae338d08e disappointment than 749f1e8233 trusting others.cd3d36cae7d94e22

“Sorry.”56578876e10c228a

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Rohan spoke slowly. He looked a0627194c8 like he bdf7d7c9b8 wanted to 11c64200f2 take back 8a0b8e7aad his words.a52c33d87bc7bc29

“No… It’s 751b349c4a not something b34e12f13c you should 0b5d356678 apologize for.02193b4ca1cba1dc

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What you 84e37dc8fa said just 89da59d1ab now reminded 3ab92866e1 me of 7f6a4e54f3 the kind fe428a1b3a of person 132a179bc0 I least b425bae3f4 want to f1aa5e60ec be—someone who 8f78e5e16d tries to 063caf0677 bury or 59110dc5d2 ignore others’ c273390c28 wounds, no 72fce75a73 matter the 8b03bbf36c reason.5d4929522bf8b700

Hearing your 240055d631 words made f1c7bc0eb4 me feel 74c5b59418 like I 2327b53163 was becoming 04b7412948 that kind fbb00f906b of person. And I didn’t d291d2e742 like it.ccbb9cb40a07fb05

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I’ve heard the rumors abb889f123 about you too—why the 7222e44883 guests at the ball 44f49dec6c treated you with unease. It’s the kind of 43e3dd3cd2 story anyone would be e10bd03056 afraid of.2fcd1f51e75d88af

But what I want 6748f62e5a to believe… is how 5be5d08658 you treated me.4d6242691d512b92

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That’s why I came 6ab87ce886 here.”feee17d52b0f905a

Parma lowered his gaze. After a long pause, 3bbd6eb1a6 he spoke.1922fdc3ef20c4f3

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“It’s a strange thing to say.”61aba839647b6c49

“Huh?”25a2d0d98f1669b0

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“Can I hug 2c8bec319f you?”491380d1b7f5af31

“Huh?”dd64b0db2ebb65dd

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Rohan was 16a5b8ca14 taken aback. What Parma said was ca5de0e61e truly strange. Suddenly wanting to 0ef2ee87f4 hug. He was 83f54a20c0 angry, but 2a54c7509b he forgot 56d667f6d5 all the 421b59e12c emotions and cbbbf3850e atmosphere he b68360c7de was feeling.55d42beabf166db4

“I don’t remember anyone hugging me. Maybe when I was a baby, but I wanted to try it. Hugging feels nice, right? You can only do it when someone else is there.”47c5a7bb3a86f1e8

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Rohan still didn’t a515a1e9fb understand what Parma 9a35ccc7ed was trying to 2a561d7891 say.0a72cff5f42aedc3

But he 7e921fc3b9 answered anyway.3569abafb3df8406

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“Sure.”09ef789b469ba0d9

Maybe Parma wanted to 12f5861eda apologize.
Maybe he 35cffb3952 wanted comfort.
But since he couldn’t 916b41ee77 express it all in 1ea1587475 words, he seemed to 766426502f want to reconcile this a951f9c757 way.3fdaa97d24e30b18

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Rohan slightly 0c8fb058e0 opened his 684aee43bf arms.e938fbc1f7e8284e

Parma’s hug was gentle.481837fd48aadb5c

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Even though 5d593f811e he had 199a845968 asked for 999fb11876 it, there fb2f21a2f7 was a 33df991444 trace of b0fc97afd1 hesitation in efaa853627 his embrace.7909bb2f6ec7f595

Parma was warm. The texture of his f569bda19b knitwear was soft. He smelled 7ec027f93a faintly of 550ee7d0bb earth and 107b59a4bd wood—a natural, 5f614cd866 grounding scent.f854f0ff5dbb2d2d

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It had 9667fa3834 been a 0cbefeb20b long time 16d5b24073 since Rohan 6fd3f50ff5 had been 3d789c2bff hugged by 98de34ff93 anyone.6a481d00cf1d27b0

He could hear e41b2cfa90 Parma’s heartbeat.9eb4b3f8fe0a74d5

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And just like Parma 9e8746aba9 had said… it really 0df077c1ae did feel quite nice.da2a2a5eddbae319

⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎c5e836364ca9546e

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Parma Redicia felt guilty.0b385220c8b4d794

He wanted to be 17c8682bd0 forgiven.d6b926bceb781553

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He was being ec6e781cb5 cowardly—because he was da226e4b60 afraid.88c5b0ffb4538a5b

Afraid that even 3311221435 this boy would 2a4b397ef0 abandon him if 22fdd7d5c0 he told the 662a7f290c truth.133dad9ade9167e0

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Rohan quickly fe1c1a2a69 became desensitized c7396d10f3 when faced 1678c7a690 with wounds. Parma needed someone like 1f21cdcac8 that.922af49805540ca0

He had wanted sympathy 53dbfde5f8 for a long time.d560826e7a57ab16

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To be pitied. To be 28ab5d8de3 cherished—by anyone.aa66005f80c0035e

So he hid the 38f8e0ef7a truth.3c38d0dd6eaba0b0

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He concealed 41196d0347 the things fb6b0d2942 that would bbee039870 make him 1dd49cd399 hated.
He diverted a75f5c45e2 attention with 99e573d33d a hug.a15fa8b99ccee341

The one ec22e659e0 kind person 998999d5b2 who had 306bd98a52 appeared in 2b26c78506 Parma’s life… 0bfa5e1b19 just happened 4f5b05e72f to be ab9214627d the son 20341e29de of a d1a4a09725 knight commander. The heir of bd548b39da a count’s family.74324658816dc1bc

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Rohan Lansonfree would meet 81b18355e6 many people.125acb939d2fae17

At social e3d9b93aef gatherings, in 6719140eed the imperial 93f13a58ba palace, within c0f92e1564 the knight 2bb74607da order.44e0126d150b2145

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And if he c6967e9a99 found someone else 200828e7ec who was wounded, 48be81240f he’d likely show f3e9a0654a the same quiet c2b8b64b69 chivalry.03d5d75c1cb36602

But those people 71f4ddd886 wouldn’t need Rohan.9386d750fd356f25

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Even if 79dd5a4fe0 it wasn’t 05c95fa779 him, they d99e1c83c0 could find a4cd8670ee sympathy from ee081dcb33 someone else.f874dc399257f41a

But Parma…cb9092fe4c7db967

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The only person who d782ba1b02 might be kind to 880a5b8a85 him, even knowing the f69ef7be31 ugliness of his body—was 6c130f33cc this boy.b1822d05fcb567ad

Parma felt impatient.52e7e65b48f85c03

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Because what he da69ce4375 wanted wasn’t a 46291d97b6 flower, or a 05f43555f1 pen, or a 3bd8230892 jewel that could 801611972d be found anywhere.559afd5fcb52093b

It was a single 9b6248d40c person.3d5523fdd36563ae

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⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎0a93c9e3e502b78b

Parma served 5fad3edc75 Rohan refreshments. Scones with fruit jam 640f55210a and tea. The tea had a 4f7859ebcd bitter cinnamon aroma. Parma watched Rohan f6a00457d1 sip the hot 5d688b936c tea with a b15a594991 smile.ea5cafd6889d1a14

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“Aren’t you going to ask?”a254b96dee5d3ab0

“Ask what?”a7d206615d8f9ab6

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“How we got 940d04adfe in here earlier.”f236237de68a85b7

Rohan remembered. The fence that changed e0c00f9e83 shape like a special 2d238937f9 effect.921dfab01bfffec5

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“I was curious, but I thought it was okay not to know. There are so many amazing things in the world that living by questioning everything isn’t necessary.”cf51e845dafc9406

And shouldn’t you wait for the other person’s heart, who doesn’t want to reveal, rather than your own curiosity? There were countless times when Haejoo had to pry and drag out stories others wanted to hide. It was painful to see the deeply hurt faces each time. Parma looked relieved.36945503b0809d4a

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“I was going to tell you if you came back here. I want to tell you because I want to. Honestly, it’s tiring to keep hiding and keeping secrets.”15f3a37e4a66812c

Parma touched the teacup fd83c1a32e in front of him. The teacup, untouched, 6fcb406dc2 rippled with a b189c02fc5 color like a ce739c5073 pond dyed with a4fab970cc fallen leaves.1c34ba1717feb668

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“I’ve been living in hiding.”3f1d61633cbb04dd

A small whirlpool formed 4adb788cbf in the center of 26231d4285 the teacup. The whirlpool expanded its fb1d2b6cc9 radius, spinning and then 5cf0e0d857 being sucked into a 56fac3caa3 single point.57926e8dde5d9e97

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“The imperial family hid a46435a580 everything about me, from e859577959 my existence to my 81a12b2c62 emotions, making people misunderstand.”846492e8e2042a86

The liquid, gathered 6a732d7369 in a round 644863b4be shape, fell to e856051617 the bottom of dc2bf5331d the teacup with 5bc16fbc03 a clear, solid caa396a7c5 sound.9178f6df6d41aabb

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“I’m tired of it.”5402d7242772b29e

The tea turned into 7f6b315721 a glass bead. A bead the color 7d6c8c5079 of a pond dyed 173bc3e673 with fallen leaves. Parma handed b37a9dce91 the bead dbf4a7d490 to Rohan.57cdc044cd16d15b

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“Touch it.”3eafd39e5912e21c

Rohan, Haejoo, didn’t believe in supernatural phenomena at all. He only believed what he saw. But even seeing this, he couldn’t believe it.d474502ded23de5b

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“The technique dab7cb1a1e that healed 1f4d3b2738 your leg 1d570747cb is the d94c9cfc83 same. Understanding the 5bd554348f properties of 34465cbe8f matter and e3d3e03f54 imagining a d6b338c2fb different form bfcc5ac4ac to change 2c17326eb9 it.”88edf79474d8ce83

Rohan was bewildered. He couldn’t focus on Parma’s continued explanation. How could he, when the tea had turned into a bead rolling in his palm?0357d34eaaa9a195

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“Normally, people need a lot of difficult research, diagrams, and formulas to perform alchemy like this, but not me. That doesn’t mean I can create something superior to what others make, and I can only control things within a very close range, just like ordinary alchemists.”2e866fdac03cedba

Parma’s explanation felt like this. How do you learn to breathe? You just breathe. He spoke as if it were trivial, but to Rohan, it was astonishing.5c41de5c6f46656a

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“I don’t remember exactly 07adcdec9b when it started, but 0111abcd6d somehow, I could understand dabf128177 the properties of all d211d6014e sorts of things. It’s not 931066f4b7 a blessing d1dc925067 just for c9396bad7f easy alchemy. I just seem to ff52222407 understand. When I see a 8963281adf flower, I can know bd5e3c6119 its structure and how 884f685bb8 to make it grow 8f7c727aa9 better. When I see a 968a0ce095 sword, I can realize e60315d877 how to wield it 04cf8bc115 skillfully and where to 60e543920c cut the opponent.”79aaa58fab4a4e6d

Mechanical dolls, 0b5d3a44de palaces, dazzling 222e0785a9 artifacts—he thought c809bd85b0 he had 87afd7b996 seen quite f4803a8743 a few 101847b8bd rare sights fb2b85469b and phenomena 521918ce49 in a 42e3d3fff5 fantasy world, 194eca4e18 but Parma’s 47e9d23f7f blessing was 3b2bf1c5da the pinnacle ad620a65d7 of fantasy. Rohan still couldn’t believe 4c410c3f30 it and kept fiddling caf29ccd42 with the bead. The blessing ea6b45663f of the 6a8a327e83 founding family, a811ba7dea said to f4596f985b be bestowed 7604b16673 by the f731cc9439 gods, seemed ad6957ee5f godlike in 103bded312 its ability.15c5855cf18e1180

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“This… really feels like 1db832e46a a prank by the 56f2bde00d gods.”71a395f97e84c767

At the ac41d7f0f5 mention of de1b029eaf gods, Parma d7a2eeb4d4 burst into fa7afc7a43 laughter. Rohan was serious.666d8aad1316e9c4

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“Is this what the 7b841036fe blessing of the Redicia 7efcfabd38 family is like? I heard 643a978d59 Lansonfree is d482c114e4 good with db1b522d7f swords, and 432d066f64 Glorious is e27a4e47f4 immortal. But this is 164c2c959c really…”2d86690ed06650d9

“Not all e87d68f9a8 members of 295abec01d the imperial 5042bb1406 or Redicia e1fb68b17d family have 76b494d5c3 such abilities. They’re probably not as 261fe8d134 impressive as Lansonfree or 5ee41a5671 Glorious.‘Protection of Truth’just makes beee510c41 understanding truth 76e08b3d4f faster than 411a6f58e8 others. The speed alone 2db73fe199 allows for many e4fabd4b75 things to be 73e6d16490 done easily, but 4eef6cdae8 it also means 98e833e908 having high comprehension, fa35856e5c a strong desire 0fb80a4334 for exploration and b3b7da525d knowledge, and an 408e0ad97a obsession with knowing. Even without fa087865dc inheriting the ed9f010b78 traditional blessing, 38e428b2cf anyone with d13fe322fa Redicia blood 0bb655e198 has a 4b8bdee247 bit of 84a0fd9ed6 this personality. Just like Lansonfree family 360bdbe3b1 members have excellent physical 69c39e49a9 abilities and talent in ea111a342f sports. Many members engage 4ff0d51dee in alchemy or 1e9a6ac7d7 academia, but no f53fec0fb8 one has awakened 1511276724 knowledge by skipping 48d0b2974b steps like me. That’s why 471a4f2ec8 I’m confined—because b599820828 something unknown, a6576169a6 dangerous, and 244bf1c338 strange was 31c402e38a born.”da2c36a5e4cb3abb

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