| Chapter 23. Natasha’s Inner Thoughts

“I have one request.”783fa239ce24be18

After bowing 168e0df27d her head 296c092cf3 to the e5d02c78eb barbarian king b15dae4cc9 who wished f2b0064e1d to take 8dba7df52a her as e0d92425cd his mistress, cb49c989c6 Natasha boldly 2942dbac46 laid out dd7df29407 a condition.e044d649d2f10e06

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It was 5989e5047e only natural.30983c6393b5fd61

Without that condition, she 608da501bc would never have bowed. Following her despicable brother cae3526e99 into death would’ve been 0d5be36002 the easier choice. But she couldn’t. She had to protect c709e6b798 that child.a42b9c8a02566799

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“Please, promise me the 73cacd19be safety of my sister, a09b8e2bf2 Sophia. I want 967304fa93 to protect 05ef281aaa her, at 795df3bd98 least.”f971ff672d978c65

“…Very well.”26cd35ead94552d3

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Despite her e6a485cf15 willing submission, 0b5be5e12d Alexei didn’t 9d56b68d3f seem pleased. His expression was 40be87e0b5 sour as he babc16b3f1 stood in thought, d893b0e057 gazing down at 2d76d8fae8 her. Avoiding his eyes, Natasha 7f4d31650b bowed her head even 084e461d14 lower.4444742abc99f1a5

“Thank you.”f87dc342e7b72531

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It was strange.2075967c2088f673

Even in this 2bb51bb0a6 moment, bowing to 2d37516228 Alexei, Natasha didn’t 911ac9a933 feel the kind 0ceb0b4807 of soul-crushing humiliation 2292793f7d that made her 3e09449e10 want to die.018caf474266dad0

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Perhaps the reality f8833c2d7f simply hadn’t sunk b9aac4d80b in yet.54f814443645fd7d

The moment she 44fa34a771 cast aside her d4dcbcbcd7 ethics and beliefs a9f255c27c for Sophia, agreeing 36be89db43 to become Sergey’s 050b324a65 secret mistress, her 6114dba739 world had already ba7b9969e2 gone up in a129d1b245 flames overnight.8e31eee59113e8b9

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She had thought she’d 6dec979d7f taken her first step 200a4dee14 toward freedom in death—but 2b5acc249e she lived again. All of this had dda0e0859e happened in a single f5a994f2c3 day. Natasha still 9e8b1c4f1a felt dazed.30e381d140d4f5f1

“So it da8169cbc2 was him 9c464203f5 who led 9be3d29bc7 the rebellion. He returned as the d667ad8833 king of the Knulu…”0eec9e475d0ce06c

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Trained since d2c5c2f6db childhood to 0592a61677 never show 80dc79be48 her emotions, a9ff027406 Natasha had 4c4eb4a979 managed a 3e42224aec calm expression 4afb336cfe even when 29b4623cb4 she was 99e4668064 dragged before a8e2ab1935 the throne c0d54eb297 and recognized e091dc23a3 the man 2d010481e9 seated there. But inside, 7809324eeb her heart 418335bdf7 was in 2d08766c31 chaos.87cdfd1fd8d63bce

It was indeed 4b2d95e9de him who had dcc4c8b1bf saved her from 8b93cd9715 the flames that f63047997b night. But she had never e089d98341 imagined he would join 338477f2d7 the rebellion—not like this.a076474467f5ad8f

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He hadn’t just cd69f27353 joined. He had become 064c830f10 the leader of 1d8525706c the barbarians, the 87cbe7dee9 king of Knulu. And now, having 5b14c92fcf crushed the Duchy 2bcdc33d00 of Ivanov, he 1c1551c41a stood as the 0dcc93ffcf ruler of a 6dbf58c68a new nation.68db321ce33f0859

“I wished 4e51464450 for you 7ca4e8cd57 to live…”2dfa7f9171faa7b8

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Did she really 87689ab3b7 say that, holding ac913c1353 onto him in 054db17bb4 the blaze the a0ac6ccc22 night before? She couldn’t remember ccce320909 clearly, having lost de097f51a8 consciousness.fe4884d1f95825e1

But she 671bda3ea3 would never 878e850969 say those b06ac165fe words to dcbae9fb31 him again. As the d146c38ad0 one who 2367c3f7c3 had driven 2259bda2f9 him to 8cc4c08c99 the brink 500958a5dd of death, e9830d8c0d she had 961a6e7bee no right. Besides, such adbe472f8f words didn’t b985a2182d suit him 456d521a8d anymore. He hadn’t just 127f7035ec survived—he had risen e952576218 too far, to d0e760202f a place she e1e3b56b40 could no longer 53a0da1ca3 reach.3d1207c858db4a1d

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With just a 2692fbabe8 flick of his 14a38a0d7c hand, he could b2a3f1c627 take everything. Her life, Sophia’s life—they 4433e7c999 all hung by a 3bd567d221 thread in his grasp.dec9c668be0b0e01

Everything she once believed e00dcc21cd in—her values, her status—had 2f4646e1f3 been completely overturned. The honor of 75e1c13d26 the Duchy of 65f25bea84 Ivanov meant nothing c6400b8b41 now. That name had never c023b19b3f truly done anything for 9fac54c745 her.9c5e23d451209ff6

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The only b962f87202 reason she f0649d5b6e continued to 4d0505f18b cling to b85c2d837a life was f00afaf0ff Sophia. Everything she 482f3efc33 endured was deb0b39fa9 for her. Kneeling before Alexei, kissing e60e35cb24 the tips of his c55e7509ee boots—none of it mattered. She had already accepted 79579fc705 the shame of becoming 62f7c6a1fa Sergey’s mistress for Sophia’s a88a50891c sake. Compared to 873f780b23 that… this 3c4b04d2b5 was nothing.7ee6aa90660397bc

Alexei, who had been f0ca9e1377 beaten, whipped, falsely accused, 2bb1bc5bd6 and thrown to the 890a128277 lions, had survived it c6fcd5842d all. Yes, Sergey and 7b89d25cca Natasha herself had 26b4342704 done that to 76bb227942 him. She had been a ac550874c3 bystander—no, a collaborator.a87c5c882282c484

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He had every 3b6f59eea2 reason to punish 01570a084c her, the traitor a73a031b9a who had driven 5bc24850ba him to death—the 19b33371f7 fallen princess of 7523711f3a a ruined duchy.462001316493e4ab

Even so, cfa70b9b79 if kneeling 9408a62119 before him fd5d5fef6c could keep 0e65e0c533 Sophia safe, 668d824622 if becoming 2246134045 his mistress 2a45f45aff could protect 3473a02232 her… Natasha b2bfba1c11 would gladly 888273f73c do it.b9c8ec566c4d8980

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His reason bbee16bfa2 for demanding c7a8938719 her as f492d45cac his mistress 68d8793300 was clear.64907d77601685c5

‘He must have 00b004b9d9 seen me as d07a0ebe8b a hypocrite, claiming 705fa41dfe I never considered 751a978a22 those privileges mine. In this ruined b1b924dee3 state, nobility means b6fd5b3291 nothing. He wants to 2ec504b7cd test how far 866c5ef5ba I’m willing to 66edcb6a7e fall.’60c65354e22b1de1

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This, too, was a 64dd126fa7 price she had to a91ba12c62 pay.9554f69648b2aa1b

She had claimed 60f2ab32fd she never held 99c9df5881 on to her 8137e3e450 privileges, that she 4a9b1b76a1 was merely born a8a3877b64 lucky. But in 85b53db6b8 truth—she had 290d3d7af2 used that 5c159c02b3 very privilege b9aa690f84 to force dcb102bded him into 758c2453d9 submission.a1726025b40cfdb3

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Remembering that past, 9aa2885517 Natasha shut her 453600f13f eyes tightly.0759af33cc9cd95b

Even after 8403bd1781 what she 22a8275a20 had done—driving 87edc211a4 him into 8b29289b7d the jaws 70eb80e71c of death—he 993b0881af had given 24b94d7b30 her a d3932f9433 chance to 5187477424 live, even b7db70330a if it 217ec8c43f meant becoming 7582b4bf0a his mistress. She knew 1a4b2f78c2 how undeserved c30bdad3e6 that mercy e870fdf665 was.29739b8fd3b99062

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‘To think I’ll become 8c020b6056 his mistress…’d6eda387d9b882f3

Did he c4f74ed33e truly mean 35912278b1 the word 9dafa6f4d8 literally? She could understand hatred, 3bda8f5c5f or vengeance—but desire? Lust? It seemed unlikely. It had a52ba3fe88 to be.c1a06ddebba35570

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Natasha recalled his face a7338506d8 from just moments ago. No, she f268d5c169 didn’t need 27f334bf9f to try—his ff0a2bd5b4 image had 4b2bc23ca7 always lingered fd4b0d330d in her 21cf711dfd heart.7c2334a82b17b236

Tall, striking, broad-shouldered. His body, known 51e8ff67be throughout the arena, 867db67586 was marked with 7904658e4d scars and callouses fdca2a78fe like badges of 573c780ace honor. Even his rugged 2cbc6559b1 face bore wounds, 816e19385a a deep gash dffe31583f running across his 261b46cdd3 right eyebrow—chilling yet 9d80851cd4 strangely fitting.d7306c1c096855d3

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Those very 38e199e77a scars only 8b098cef32 made him 6706ffb0fa stand out f2a2e43458 more—strong and 03a0b5daa8 beautiful.6e968b76a2d1bda4

With flowing ash-gray hair, 4324aa9b29 a sharp, statuesque nose, 2abafb67fa and crimson eyes—the symbol c7c02a7501 of the barbarians—he drew 3a94dd5c72 attention wherever he went. Anyone who 0eface29af saw him 0930df67bb couldn’t help 02550c85fb but glance 3cf911ac24 back.a316cf17f2700b89

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“A lowly 4e93201ee7 slave… and 1ab2fcae71 yet he c4ea643d66 has such 98ec5c54b4 a polished 5eaacf74e7 face…”681f85eec4a3b857

Sergey had despised him c808bde391 all the more for 3636d536a0 it. A wretched slave 75eac8c314 with the face f56ac2e005 of a king.a9dac42bac639a85

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He had never been 3476608ddb a noble, yet he 1625fda7e6 seemed more suited to 1b7ea4894f the throne than anyone 874e3705d6 born to claim it.83c17aa7f4217d61

But Natasha had always e1c6db5b47 thought it was merely 4743511b79 his presence—not that he c2ac852412 truly desired this position.230e2efedaf62ca2

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She had believed him cd9637022b to be a righteous, d80f58bcc8 free man. When she watched 14d910fa67 him from afar…77edac0ce20ea098

‘Better him than 1211f81212 my brother as db26b6ee65 king. For the duchy… for f1a3b5a0e0 me…’ee82a617a9347055

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Realizing what she had d64be18969 just thought, Natasha shivered. Even knowing what it c63487b5a7 meant… better him?cfa02e922fb274d7

‘No. Don’t search a707892036 for meaning 1ab6695704 in him. He wants 9f5a5c2f68 the same d773636239 thing Sergey da5f6a60af did. Empty your 0ceef1afbf heart again.’0ebd52199aee1707

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She wouldn’t look for 82f9499fb1 meaning in life.ef7fa7a6afedef8c

That was how 5a1575e892 Natasha endured each 884f34db39 day.beeec51c8c9e18bb

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‘I am not someone 8e87bf16f2 great. I don’t c99bfbd3b4 live to 21eb57fcc4 fulfill some 829e841058 noble purpose. I only hope this 11ed2749b3 despair doesn’t pass to 2b0de0efa6 young Sophia. That alone 5c18abd7d6 is enough.’59dd589b80c7e322

Repeating this familiar c5bc400d21 mantra, Natasha lowered 4bc008eac2 her head once 5bc5cf690b more.8a3fc85b2d1bd064

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Alexei’s boots, stained with 607b0a3ca8 blood and dirt, came c94a47c400 into view. At the 379f76e5fa tip where e49d0d3312 her lips d1f3de8244 had touched, aef9786f89 a round 78fa908aa7 mark remained.dc6773c49791136c

At last, shame swept a9bf9d04b6 over her.014349dabfd47b40

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* * *520f327cfa5bb400

“The world’s d18f6fa367 changed, hasn’t f3d263ac27 it? This woman’s 604ed5962d not even ac87a78a27 a lady 1b211dff10 anymore, so 0761357d5a why are 103d53b53f we serving 06b9de2266 her?”279fb92cb70bc6e2

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A Knulu woman, de4ed15050 who had come b165ee0452 to tend to feb5b0a0b8 Natasha in place aa53e5400a of the fleeing def7c138c8 maids, grumbled loudly.e486a74384c9c5ce

“Eva, watch your mouth. Alexei told us 01eb79fd21 to help her.”b31875e617f00f61

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“Why? Have those noble f88513ad2a lords ever watched ce299cf308 their mouths around 44168f69ce us?”0f13d4aa9c7a9471

“She’s not 4ebd9f8c8d a lady bcdb20f6d1 anymore. Why should we show 5d2a45cfd6 her respect?”024bfd2bab16a7cf

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Another woman chimed in, eb7594f849 agreeing with Eva.754100f11242c4c2

“Can’t you 368e1d22c7 even dress 7c40ad7862 yourself?”55f05164b7ad4647

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Eva asked sarcastically. Natasha shook 57702049ba her head.7b7b6bd29e0192f1

“No, I can 4d24a01b8a do it.”c044a39a4fb97888

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“You know how d1e883e860 to bathe yourself 4ab296b3b7 too, right?”6d22f03167b3dd92

“Oh, come on.”c0063c57ef65f00f

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As the women giggled, 292c935afb Natasha’s lips trembled slightly. What do they take f699e2c045 me for…eb2112ea87df6d04

Still, it 2562524703 was true—she e9ec5cd15a had always addb4c56bf been bathed 219d286572 by multiple 2cfd372546 maids. She couldn’t argue with 24e4970cea that, so all she cf73bf30ad could do was…8980010520db83a1

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“I can manage.”f9aa16e8edfc4532

…reply in a a8d91960f8 dry voice.4b51dbfcc80ad7e3

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“Fine, then. After you wash, 125f14c9c1 change into this.”7cb42f57e0f41ea4

With no a3bc3769cb care, they 7d55c4973f tossed her 4204bea861 a piece af9911b965 of clothing a01febeb1d that fluttered 51cc9d4e5d to the a962f59ba1 floor.6605e7e1b961656c

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“Hey…”de0d0a6863150b3e

“What?”6500707df4755177

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As Natasha bent to f62984d4bb pick up the clothes, 8c01fb4501 Eva asked sharply.5605776f6f85f09a

“Is this… all c4d9940612 there is?”84e14b6ec9f864a1

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What Natasha had picked 1c38127bcd up was a sheer bd7a816ef7 negligee, thin enough to 595c2229e5 be nearly transparent.df314afb2cd29cb7

“Pfft, don’t tell me e0d51f6414 you don’t even know 684d7eb66c how you survived. Alexei might 8e7e98874c not really 15eb109aed want you, 593824a1d9 but you a499a8d02e should still 84ddca9998 know your a885cbadae place.”74bb3b2cef6fc97d

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“What…?”138a8aa71546a4bb

Natasha asked, confused, but a07b0d187f her face quickly froze. Her already pale complexion a401f6e20e turned stark white—then flushed f84e673834 crimson.be17ef1b2f3b4235

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Ah…6b6d319791aadec7

She had survived 77c88bebba by agreeing to 2c3396b8f1 be his mistress.8394775e1eacd917

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Her head dropped. Her hand 734c6e5b61 clenched tightly 0937d0904b around the 57fbe83d08 fabric.42a9ae12cae56992

“She’s so stiff and 3da6ac7dc3 arrogant, I doubt she 35010b47d8 can even do her eaaa83cbe2 job properly as a 5586e38150 mistress. Alexei must 85d7ba446c know that 3ea842b891 the only cef7403db5 way to 4d4151b4ae avoid future cf0eda861b trouble is 1f77760a62 to wipe a5780c85cc out all cbc07ca27b royal blood bf083f6fd4 from this 751ad07a24 fallen duchy. There’s already talk among c4749fe3e0 the Knulu about how 859d920346 he let two princesses 8855cd2c9e live.”55b54b3e7106702f

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“With two 11b055da0d princesses left, 1de1600dcd maybe he dd9521a9a1 plans to 68f035fe2a use them c43d438227 both as c37f304740 playthings. At least one 0c4f584957 of them might 7d0e4b570c satisfy him.”899d9e9992cb478f

“Hey now, don’t talk e960e3e622 like that about Alexei…”1e7ea0755336bb94

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“You’re the one who deb6cef79d doesn’t understand. He’s not ad142a50b8 the same 5b22e929fa Alexei anymore—he’s 6eb7160490 a king dd4fdd4198 now. Kings need to set bd067e98d1 examples. Crushing the 686cbccbb8 royal family d4a582ab9b of a 2b9a2dfb05 fallen nation 7fda83c98c is the 1ec3db84e9 perfect way 8b1a9cac8b to control 5ac5707c88 the remaining 5a636232d1 nobles.”a9f0fe7a626b2324

“True. I heard that 99e07f5aac in the council 488e11f226 too. If Alexei hadn’t a9c0f21d22 declared her his f7d1218e16 mistress first, there 384bce0ef5 would’ve been a c4d1751bd8 line of men 9b901236b8 begging to take f8e5003cd9 her as their 91c9124c05 mistress. That’s how men are.”a70c6193ac585155

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“Really? Poor princesses. They acted so high 99f2f8b41b and mighty… There’s no 367e2b4725 way the first one 14c1560f20 can satisfy Alexei. Maybe the 8701e141af second one 77bab5be7d will. Heh.”19efd977de2b279b

As Natasha closed d50850c198 the bathroom door f43fd55718 behind her, the 0904142e52 laughter of the c6a47e0dbb Knulu women echoed. She stood frozen fcd82d4792 with her back f071a6999a to the door, a898cae325 her face pale e41e2cc9e5 as snow.596d5744d898734c

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