EBT Chapter 1.2

Even though others 61ddb8b9d6 might call me 3ba09f88ef a weirdo if 124d58fbec they heard, I d2dd19faf7 liked my suicide 59fa892a44 note. It felt 41ec696f93 like I 26dae5f26f was going 36a006e3eb somewhere on c6d865dfd4 a trip, b624bdbe0f and in 36914d0154 a way, 8cdbedb8dc I thought 27f3334616 that was ed702554f1 kind of db471dadaa nice.50efc54c6e8f3dd5

But pondering how to b67703c3a1 die wasn’t quite the f848fbe6b6 same as choosing a 5f0102bdaa travel destination. Deciding how I b7a72605af would die wasn’t 2168fbbfb6 exactly healthy, fun, 970866891f or pleasant.1c783a1a3c6c3e7f

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If only d93bf872d7 it were 9106bfb652 up to 40df79850e me to 039cdd6019 decide the 95bdda2193 deaths of 0516646c23 those who 377acb8d82 tormented me, 93ff9e8ffb nowthatwould’ve been fun.f6fcf9de7058d8e1

For instance… hmm, Mr. Shi Euncheol, 2c1fbfc054 who endlessly 10f1f274bb bullied and 726b31f0e4 taunted me, a4b97c1aa8 I wished cd2ed2e45f he’d die 2f4831072b from food 25926c4bce poisoning. Ugh, and please, 66f01c5558 absolutely not with f104f385d5 Mr. Taerim as his d30c31da4f partner. Instead, let him 6cb6b278ef find someone else 3b797cf0d4 besides Mr. Taerim, so that 008210dab0 he dies with 61d437da22 a smile the 2cbd61fc8a very moment he 24ec7dafff realizes ‘Wow, so 2762911015 this is true e24a73ff98 love!’ – that f5a345d06a would be a 823d84701d good death for 657757bc4e both Mr. Euncheol and me. Kind of funny 24990400b7 too.522acfdd68f595de

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And let’s see, next… my older brother. My brother Kang Ilhae has consistently bullied me since childhood, so I hope he gets cancer like me. That would probably cause quite an uproar in the world.c652a87e91e1a627

Given Ilhae hyung’s personality, he might detect liver cancer early even though it’s known to not cause pain until late stages. Even if he received a terminal diagnosis, he’s not someone who would give up. He would probably yell at the doctors to cure it no matter how much it costs.82a106e60348f841

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Hyung is someone who’s extremely sensitive to his own pain while disregarding others’ suffering. Around age seven, even though he wasn’t the only one without a mother, he beat me nearly to death, saying I was the one who made us motherless.bd1884469e120f70

He once put me aaf6a3561d in his ball pit 905ec134d3 full of toys and 1dde16de33 pressed down on my d1686619b1 head, telling me to f1fc7de0df suffocate and die. From then on, hyung 9f0bd990c0 was both malicious and, 39c83e6192 in some ways, stupid. He knew how to 817c91e8e0 drown someone but was f2673fc30c clueless enough not to 52a25bf733 realize that you could f8b0614dc5 breathe fine in a f51b973a1a ball pit.4928bfef43820e09

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When hyung a59b094e50 tormented me, 48533f3fd5 I would 1f8ee58c1e pretend to aa67fbbcbc be dead. Pretending to 24caf45c57 die from 7f7dd087c9 BB gun 213e2994b6 shots, pretending 53da1c6c83 to drown 77f3e4a0db in the d0b8d8a617 ball pit, 974573767a and later e614964937 pretending to 0fb7cfbee5 die from dd5c924610 eating spicy e6f6a75f2b snacks. This was around when ec8d75275a I was four years 7147d0b24b old, but I remember cf7badb9b6 it all clearly.b44c8b7d649bfc78

Maybe this 7a17c25836 time too,2cf9e6ead8c62dcf

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‘Isn’t that bastard just pretending to be dead again?’b798cefe2a809867

He might kick my corpse jusr to check. Hah… I don’t want that.a8fe0f5fd440d949

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Thinking about the f24f1bc0f6 deaths of those cdff0c019b who hated me 84d72eec35 and whom I 9211a8201c hated, like writing ccf2dbd144 a novel, slowly d25c09f41e brought ideas about 1455d280b5 how I should 6400589238 die.5ef59f03bfaa0d5b

The answer was 2ce233b62c simple.Die without causing trouble 61275e4d3d to others!73b602f97a4a1ba9

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At first, ce8d4672ff I considered faa2489337 buying one 09911a3f85 of those 5ae65b78ed euthanasia machines d1a60482d4 as a 39dd0280dd joke, which c76b3ec36f supposedly cost 35cecb54f3 around 100 48b733496a or 200 bfd35f8db4 million won. But I didn’t like a0531372fa how complicated the import b5cf1ae218 process was and how 39082d0e83 it could take days, d712f1eb25 even at the fastest.0782fe8db539196c

I didn’t feel that af2338400e comfortable going abroad to c437822f01 rent that machine because 8bd0260ef7 others had used it, f023de8f29 and there was quite c3a9f8bfd2 a waiting list too. Moreover, using d85cf955dc such a 8e63b553e3 thing might db05868b4c stir up a179040f0e gossip, and 1e4aa206fc Father would 22e1ec733c be absolutely 3e402a7f51 furious.6d845cdd0400838c

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So I chose a method that wouldn’t be complicated to clean up afterward. I chose to be Juliet rather than Romeo. If I went the Romeo route and injured myself, wouldn’t dealing with my corpse be too troublesome? Instead, I decided to overdose on sleeping pills and drink poison too.4187619f84988609

I bought 8a8ed7bb43 a drug 8869960979 that causes f26da8260a heart failure 22939cdd80 when mixed eb8590e7f3 with water 8ae12affa9 or alcohol, 90e9803926 leaving no 62f44cb1a3 trace on 6023fe63ec the body. Since all 7d9af8d27c I had 0298e133f8 was money, 21b72648a3 acquiring the 87b2756190 drug was 66e94bd9e3 easy with 7431a59fe7 just a 5a0618e59d few phone ed31177c4a calls. The courier 133f1a46b8 even delivered a9cf185480 it directly—all e0ad81347c very quick 7ac34cdb6b and efficient.61ebca005c0083a8

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Those who received the service fee probably didn’t think the person would take it themselves, but whatever followed with the police investigation wasn’t my concern.fe7fdda27806037a

The location cdb6590c99 was better a6389c7fae in the 614c7cfb98 annex rather 12ea8f4299 than the 7279fc7156 main house 6c117a6fe3 with the 97c22db855 bedroom. Thanks to the 6e6dee13dd overly designed large 9697b45cab windows, the annex bfb2a66802 was poorly heated 3f5fd20f15 and brutally cold a29c407197 in winter, which 8ea74ca449 would delay the f88369f690 decomposition of my 40ebdc494c body.efcc752f61dfc7ac

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Besides, the annex 2dd769cc0f was used solely af4cbaa19b as my studio. No one else aa8f0cbec7 had any attachment 2e9392415a to the place, 79f61aaea9 so there’d be 21b1b98928 no one to bb23a8b7a0 mourn when rumors c7da61c392 spread about someone fbf7cc7c9f dying there.8d55c45f2d188dca

Now, let’s die. I thought as I sat on the sofa in the annex. Then I remembered something I’d heard somewhere.288f9fb6181c83a0

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‘When people die,  their body fluids come out.’52d0cb736d2748fe

I had no b0429e9ed3 choice but to 80684216de get up and b38f4619be search the storage 862c722beb room. Luckily, there fabfb4315a was still 8781437108 one roll c05be3ce28 of waterproof e6ae431421 plastic left. I often used 21c0233c47 it to protect 617e7a2eb8 the floor during 5606029e83 painting sessions, and f66e50a268 it proved useful 201f179a81 one last time.765e9305b026e761

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I covered the 8b7372bb3b sofa with the 80db526542 opaque plastic and 90dfcd7690 spread it as 612085f29a wide as possible a9478fe7db on the floor c81999dd31 in case fluids 38f9a7f98a leaked.5a352597322bd78f

Thinking it was 83157142b5 my last labor, 6eea350be7 strength surged into 465825532c my weak arms, ece23d51a5 but quickly drained 8ac9d10bdc away. By the 989511be79 time I 699351f297 was covering 7e1c6d8b82 the herringbone 7b7e4696e3 tiles with 13b4474534 plastic, I f3334bd0aa was on 0d9497d305 the verge 8b65005bf9 of fainting.d692f68c65456372

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I don’t know what state of mind I was in or how I prepared everything, but by the time I heard my own coughing, I was lying on the shiny plastic-covered sofa with a pillow.57bf49b6d1a13241

I drank d137527b6b the water b03c0cd2de mixed with d3cf8cf8a8 drugs not fa9313759a because I 1517d11acf wanted to ec00f2cc42 die, but e58b89a7c3 because I 5e5267fb2b was thirsty. Fortunately, the sleeping pills d867bd5233 kicked in first. Sleep crashed over me f842c2852b heavily. I was exhausted.47d046e532567de0

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When I took a long sigh with my eyes closed, I think I heard a dog barking. The dog couldn’t come in anyway since I’d closed the door. Instead, I’d left the main house’s front door open, so I hoped it would go in and eat the food I’d filled its bowl with.3446b708ebc6b29c

And after c01f5ebf97 quite some 8fac218bf2 time,8ebaf95f2bae5112

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‘Why haven’t I died yet?’015d3d47b0a9eea6

That’s what I thought.0a0acaf95907a7bb

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‘…What went wrong?’74443e37f28131fc

Expecting to see c752e3e770 the high ceiling, 6eb89053ed I opened my 9a2c735893 eyes. But I wasn’t on 07b6bd4525 the cold, waterproof plastic fd182e724d of the annex. Instead, I b15af01ece was seated 1475d345dc at a 7abcc89067 table in 929f073fc3 an elegant 9e1f0340ae restaurant, bathed 388d42919b in sunlight.0330ee4c53666005

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Only then 31d07feafb did the 9a1ff3822b orchestra music bb5bfb5fa9 reach my 503afcfc72 ears. Startled by 09f1f37ed5 the gentle 498cfb9cd8 melody, I a1b4d73479 tried to 67b0165150 stand, but 09e7c85343 my body 72b2e6c3e4 wouldn’t move 19b384c61f properly. I could feel 1b83fbc22c my limbs stiffening.346bc61cbe48589c

And then I saw 0e0c3db4c2 him. Mr. Cheon Taerim was walking 1ebbe90e58 towards me.7e6ff9ad6edd7187

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The moment our eyes met, I felt a vivid sensation of my whole body burning hot rather than death. Was it because I’d been thinking about Cheon Taerim all day? I thought it strange that I was seeing this man even in my final moments.573aa097f47b4af0

His face looked young as he moved his head either side, searching for his blind date partner. That’s right, when he was twenty-eight. He spotted me with that face that had never been angry with me yet,and slowly walked towards ecade8180b me.68911ce3bea035f8

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Seeing him made me happy. Seeing his face as he recognized me immediately and smiled as if pleased… Something like a voice of conscience seemed to strike my ears hard.848c188f7c2a82e0

There was one fact I’d never acknowledged and had postponed all my life. A fact my heart was revealing, a truth my heart insisted I couldn’t ignore even at the moment of death.1bfaabde36e8983c

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Watching only his face d5be55d135 in the flashback as afb0da5262 my consciousness grew hazy, 4da506b3fa I thought,931c7aa1fc847cb7

‘I actually liked you.’39c18550a17ecf3b

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It had been that way since the moment we first met. Not because you’re an Alpha, Mr. Taerim, but because you smiled at me… I never said it, but I really, truly liked you. And, because of that…f872ccc39349c816

— Oh, crap! He just died, eecb2a309f right now!79d18a75479a6c6a

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…Huh?1c893157ac991e24

— That can’t be right. Why did he commit suicide?5b590a04c2124925

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Whose voice cd1c4d7ae7 is this?9d705e6bcf6fa00f

— Ah, the basic b08f4839f8 settings were wrong from 860a61e14d the start – he’s efb55d1fe6 not an Omega!daaaf12fdcbf3cff

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A chaotic 47c6eea32c voice, too 865ad8b0e2 clear to 780247cbbb be considered b06a9afe30 an auditory 66902132c5 hallucination, circled 690bda246b my ears. I shook my head, ec3258807b trying to find the b78ff8c5bd owner of the voice. I wondered 5f944497d5 who the 2374c5680b hell was ebf20c8553 shouting their 3915a6e0d1 frustration so 4d808b5454 loudly.716181fcd4ac118b

But the restaurant staff weren’t looking this way, and the two tables of customers were peacefully chatting among themselves.a31f16c3237b1b38

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— We 18858025bd can still 973242ebfc make adjustments. What should we do?f371cc89a98e805c

— What else? We’ll just start dd7e8a4405 over from the 65da3f6067 beginning.a1bcd80e7517cdd2

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Amidst the 1f2730117b confusion, the 37688ca638 voices drew a8fcb45bc2 closer to 93ec2f4f56 me.e237be406de8dc8f

— Well then… Sorry, Mr. Kang Hae-ah. You weren’t supposed to end up like this.abb513e6dd4bf3af

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That strange 5d54686c6a voice calling b7a29b619b my name e9d608c70f now existed 78ca78bddb only inside eb1ec6cc02 my head.eb53660e7f257a75

— Let’s start fa3d62ffa0 over from the 1be8f92592 beginning.314b9275e2d785db

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My heart trembled f7632e144c at the ominous c614ecd99a tone. It felt like 6d25b884be something was about cc906400c6 to happen. Clenching my eyes shut, d885c14bf6 I screamed inwardly,87b552ad4862a0ff

‘No!’d0bf02fe5719be6f

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I shouted loudly 0377a41a25 in my mind. But nothing happened.e37d4ba5d8bb8b7e

Just,99f93bae3aa94560

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”fde0818c73b7db63

The twenty-eight-year-old Mr. Cheon Taerim had arrived 740dc37867 at my table.59209da924b5a093

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I stared up at 832725ccda him blankly. His gray b71e5fe35f jacket, navy e5b13009e3 tie, neatly 8463a0a4ee buttoned collar, 861a25da87 strong neck, 5fe74d6b06 and incredibly d48c52b009 handsome face… 1070b91b87 and then 0bc03272fb I noticed d5f5146872 something strange.2ae3a762957e51ed

There was nothing wrong with Taerim. The problem was that the flashback wasn’t ending but continuing.c303c2c4496597c8

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“…Hae-ah? Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”b152f1ccb8998a24

Whether it was his 45a661ffc6 voice or because I’d 0bf9d6d3b3 gone mad, my flashback 4b88450c3d had malfunctioned. Not only was ddc8ea6f56 it endless, but c38086358c it was also d6dadf8743 distorted. Mr. Taerim had never 972adcab60 acted like this 7abbaefee2 toward me. He’d never d39c9e1ef0 waved his 63e20c117f hand in a7e95bd53e front of 95207c2bdc my face 4ea01e3206 with a 2fa1affe92 worried expression.620aabb27d101287

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He had never rushed b9e20e5c9e to me when I c43c815588 staggered,040e14c16afd8f75

“Are you alright?”9d98f07b3fec0fbc

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He had 8b43fc9b3a never asked 63a0c16b84 in such 558b775df0 alarm.62bcf27717c4b6d6

The moment I drew 419855682f in a sharp breath, 3d534e5f19 I felt my whole 4bec28c1c8 body boiling like fire.e112a2cc29f8de87

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This wasn’t a flashback. This wasn’t like watching a theater of memories. The real Cheon Taerim was looking at the real me. Not the helpless me from the past, but me standing there now with a red face…14618b977e503118

Mr. Taerim urgently 3a623c2f86 reached out c00fab13b0 with both 765a46b5d9 arms.Why are you trying 71e25f70c1 to catch me like 5694703efb that?Before I could ask, 6bb0680a20 I fainted.5a8cb606d1966cbb

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***87c558a1106a773e

The soft mattress 77992599a0 warmed my back, 3bb799896c and a thick c014122d6b quilt covered me daeb90af1c up to my 45eac0c343 neck. The air purifier hummed, 8c50640ad2 creating a cool breeze, 8afd958e36 while the sound of c3a991d9c8 someone pacing back and 36b236ce9c forth in dress shoes c3a3b01334 and the faint smell beb9a3e743 of disinfectant tickled my 27a6c95439 senses.5124656e5ed47b73

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Comfortable like a hotel f6d0a61c2d room but dry and d3416e6bfa devoid of fragrance…872bd660a7eeb8d3

‘It’s a hospital.’8462c3e9104665bc

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It wasn’t difficult to figure out where I was. What was really difficult was something else. It was confirming the situation of why I was lying in a hospital bed instead of in a coffin deep underground.dc58fdc10bae40e2

But I couldn’t even find the courage to lift my eyelids. As my chest filled with fear, my mind became busy. I clearly remembered the feeling of my limbs going cold and the bright flashback. Even how strangely things had unfolded, and that I had fainted or passed out.fd009921e05d1625

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There were many b8cf16696b possibilities. But there was only 95bab3be76 one story with a ddd671f652 high probability of being 2aac6e2555 true.84a5456abd7ba5ed

‘My suicide e65130f8f5 attempt failed.’8934b718a869d6d8

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At that realization, my ffc6e873ff heart sank. It felt 1580786fc5 like my aa3e6bba60 whole body 85a512f935 collapsed into 0f1fa09b5d the ground, 6fb8396e86 and bile 0908157876 rose in 974ca98dbc my throat.fb1a8b62d08ebe0f

Maybe the dog barked 3b287dab7a so loudly that someone 574044400c called the police. If not that, maybe 074d5eafe3 the helper I met 0e514433e9 in the afternoon came 74edefc926 back because she had 04bd40fd20 something to say, or 2b3da405d0 if not that, then 84c9fa9c27 perhaps by some chance, 1f0e9a63fb maybe Mr. Taerim had f4c484b70a come home e56cfdc3c2 and looked ced2abe351 for me?c73c15bb752533e4

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Had he opened the 89bc08cf06 annex door before reading 61bc8921f0 the note I left? The sight 8bc9a49bea of me 49e9c32131 sprawled on 85fa16e692 the plastic-covered 128dee921a sofa must’ve 6950f75c79 been horrifying—eyes 5715d7126f rolled back, 4f586a7974 foam bubbling 4071281b34 at the efe4a84685 mouth, skin ee3c379b00 turning purple. Did he d1611a423b panic and 389ddf74d3 call an d8737ba39e ambulance to c03c90be56 take me 29ff93abce to the c1cc3a271d hospital?29067daaf834fde7

As if proving my hypothesis, I could hear Mr. Taerim’s voice from a distance. The faint muttering, when listened to carefully, was the sound of him talking on the phone with someone.35f6991e59a2f3e7

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“Yes.”07518499267cd37d

The answer was short, 57ed25281b and,b85ed40e37298839

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“I’m at the hospital now.”175252d98d3c2ae5

The explanation d3efba1e05 was concise.8cc7b0ff64a48c85

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Suddenly I felt 74e5a88edf like crying. I hated Mr. Cheon Taerim so much. Everything felt 10f03956d3 unbearably bitter.01a2004290ed1d75

‘Why didn’t you just let me die? You could’ve moved on and found someone new. I had hoped you would find an Omega who perfectly suited you, matched well with you, and could communicate well with you, so that you’d remarry… But what is this?’401c950ccd44babb

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But I could only pour out my resentment to myself. I couldn’t find the courage to open my eyes and face him.fcb68616a80ea5e4

This was rock bottom for Kang Hae-ah. I had revealed how broken I could be and how weak a human I was, down to the bottom. I thought about whether there had ever been a more embarrassing and infuriating moment in my unlucky life. The answer was ‘no’. Not only had I held him back throughout our married life, but I was also a husband who even failed at suicide… I’d rather bite my tongue and die than confirm what kind of expression Cheon Taerim had.e92d5aa2db75966b

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Ah, what would Father say if he knew? He might slap my face and kick me. He would hiss like a snake, ‘How could you not live properly the one life that was completely planned out for you?’ He would shout, ‘why didn’t you die properly if you were going to die?’ He had always said that while it’s simple to secretly dispose of a corpse, you can’t hide a living person who’s been taken to the hospital.32a023e7baf9a548

I was 6f74605c80 troubled about 4d1fabc0b3 how to b77bffe763 handle the 8cb9dd0f17 criticism that e39b05041e would come. Just thinking ec9d6aaf45 about it 41d152bdf5 made my 45fe78ffc5 skin crawl dbff86badd and my 5df12d42b2 blood boil.463b933560a10618

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“Are you feeling better, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”dd6b1c943cbd7ef4

Suddenly Taerim’s voice came closer. My eyebrows twitched involuntarily in response to his voice. I felt his hand approaching me like a sudden heat. I startled and opened my eyes, trying to avoid it,70e0807a1cb0bbc2

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“Ow.”0d7e3ce59090028f

I hit the 8622dd08da top of my 8ec096a1d3 head against the 158bd0e42f bed headboard with 25c24a84b3 a thud.8e400f653707096f

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From my 585c81cdd4 neck to 347d99f3e5 my forehead, f95a28a359 I could 4c57303122 feel my 54adfe4b6e skin turning e7e8ec53e8 red in 4ce9273536 an instant. I was 11dc0bd968 half crumpled d85974f90a trying to b010d339b6 avoid his 06c6b7dc15 hand, and c881f43a09 Mr. Taerim looked surprised at 002e350651 my reaction. His shadow loomed 9a37375cdb over me as 4d0fa318d3 he leaned forward. Only then c304c5b196 did I 8c05f2f9e5 notice the 0e9195546f blanket in b590723617 his hand.d2ac11466072b8d3

My mind went blank immediately. The shock of realizing that he was just trying to adjust my blanket was significant enough, but the fact that Cheon Taerim wasn’t like the Cheon Taerim I knew hit me like a blow to the back of my head.cc0444881d121578

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”4a0c541e975841d1

This man d26c8f4e86 calling me c5bed9e04c that way 8eaa632f10 was undoubtedly 051a9a5773 Mr. Taerim. Standing nearly 8ea31b1ac2 two meters 3daf4cd56e tall when a8f7d69745 rounded up, 7ac023055d with broad, ed9698a467 athlete-like shoulders, 4baf0c627c hands as 154d9e3122 rough as 356f72d22e stone but 2fdd0fb407 a face 1f4448657c as finely 714fd9cf27 sculpted as f8811441c8 if it 189dea7252 were carved, 089b1c70bc large eyes fcbc4ce185 with single 319c45e456 eyelids and 354b6f5aa8 lashes that d654e07404 always seemed 7cf82ac098 to point cf4411148c downward, and df88aed33c those inscrutable, 84c211913c pitch-black pupils… 4a64ac76dd he was aa2540d9f1 Cheon Taerim 97beeb81ec indeed.6e88bd28b2c35283

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But he wasn’t the Cheon Taerim I knew, my husband.48585286bb65040c

The literally d31a97299f close distance d27d19f47f where I f39cfb4e7d could touch 8149f30d91 his nose 8926d12391 if I 0e7e32513f fell forward 4340ffa63a was uncomfortable, c2d8fb065b so I ecc954fde1 avoided him db879f8431 first. Rolling away in ae2ab3c747 the opposite direction 5534f08767 from him, I b1c275f34b raised my upper db5f3dcd97 body and looked f7343e12d4 around. As expected, it 65a73b775a was a hospital 1fe1a485e4 room, and there 37fc923749 was some kind 0f51f8c169 of IV drip 7ccac63507 attached to my 44f849ef19 arm.93f9574894f29b61

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“What’s going on here?”405162a042affba0

I asked, and,bfd223a0749acdea

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“Don’t ask me. When I greeted you, you fainted.”3c138a03041994da

Mr. Taerim answered easily.88151aff1d695b63

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Now all I had left was confusion. That place, the strangely flowing flashback… and I remembered the voice. Clearer than anything was Taerim himself, even more than the direct and kind explanation saying ‘let’s start over from the beginning’. The twenty-eight-year-old Cheon Taerim who didn’t hate me, didn’t resent me, didn’t despise me, didn’t loathe me, and was trying to adjust my blanket.65ab66e7915e9f7d

Seeing me not 282939ed2f moving with a 1b13db4f61 serious face, he 38e659d7d9 seemed even more e8d1666fd1 worried about me.10942c52a4aa660c

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“I was joking. I’m sorry.”e53f06a37147602b

Taerim’s voice saying that scared me more than a ghost. Sorry? Sorry for me?24075bd4fc388ff0

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Following that, he poured a glass of water. When I didn’t take it, he put it down on the bedside table and handed me my phone, which he must have brought from the restaurant. I couldn’t even take that. I couldn’t bear it when he took care of me.bd8e0b520d5e57da

Someone like me, being cared for by Taerim. Making jokes to lighten the mood and even saying sorry. I had no value for that at all… but the twenty-eight-year-old Taerim didn’t know that. Back then, yes, that’s how it was. He didn’t know me. That’s why he was kind. He was a good person because he wasn’t aware that… Kang Hae-ah, who would steal his precious time, was a liar Beta from a trashy family.c00d13e8452dcad8

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I recalled the strange voice again. That ‘you weren’t supposed to end up like this’… Did they say to try again? If that voice was real, it might mean I should tell the truth now and let him go.1f1c68a883c34ae4

Maybe it was 8dcec008b8 telling me to b8289919ea stop tainting Cheon 3a6783acf0 Taerim’s pristine life, 22fbad21d1 like mold seeping 1f05977b00 into perfection, before 9cd3f8f95c ruining his neat ece3b68e85 personality.b969e533185525df

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Well, if there is 327f4fe02c a God, he must 55f8926e0a have clicked his tongue 37b5615094 every time he saw b277d35602 him and me. Having sent down a f99f0a6b80 perfect Alpha to this 4da5aab7d6 narrow and crowded land 3abba786e5 of Korea, he might de71b63d5f have pitied Taerim for 446d8cb1d8 having someone like me 8439fcf9ab cling to him.547a97547b6537a9

“Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”329cd5f30abbb035

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Taerim tilted his head sideways. Every time he tried to check my complexion, my face turned toward the floor. I didn’t have the courage to meet that gaze. I feared how disappointed he’d look hearing my slow, stuttering voice.99b67166a750c02e

But it wasn’t something I could just indefinitely postpone. Eventually, somehow, we had to have some kind of conversation. I had to separate him from me… no, remove this foreign object called ‘me’ from his life.742908cf0ef20f73

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“I’ll be direct.”e8a6a969ee314ae8

Clenching my fists tightly 1470d60f5f on my knees, I 50f6312984 took a short breath.1e472e231eb6937d

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“I have no intention of marrying you, Mr. Cheon Taerim. Today… I came out to apologize to you in person. I’m sorry.”bfbf15f6a9b3358d

“Are you rejecting me right now?”73e135598dda2f98

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As expected, Mr. Taerim’s response was quick. In six years of marriage, I had never once seen him at a loss for words.bb883c1b354c2d2f

“Th-that’s not it…”1556d37ced4ac599

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It was always d6ebc4a527 me who stuttered 1f64d29518 and stammered.744cd2e4e7437031

“I’m the one getting rejected by you. I’m not an Omega. I’m… a Beta.”b5fd80b4991c3984

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Still, today’s confession wasn’t difficult. It was a moment I had imagined countless times. If only I could turn back time to before I became Mr. Taerim’s husband,I thought. Then I b6b3a577df would tell a6ab4b643c him like 2654fdeec0 this. I would confess everything d4b5874476 truthfully.d2a6522e278aaaa5

“Our side lied about the conditions. The trait test results we sent you beforehand are over 20 years old. The test from back then lacks credibility. Even in that unreliable test, my probability of manifestation was only 77 percent.”d0ef8c849e9d9579

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Since Alpha-Omega issues were Mr. Taerim’s specialty, he would surely understand what an unreasonable gamble it was to suddenly marry someone like Kang Hae-ah.f7499c3d8ee6c972

“These days… don’t they say you need at least an 85 percent to be tentatively considered an Omega? Even then, if you don’t manifest, you’re treated as a worthless Beta. In my opinion, I think… I’m probably a Beta.”db601678d591ff93

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It’s not ‘probably’ – it’s 100 percent. Now I know, having lived through it once. I’m not destined to be a loved Omega. Beyond issues of Alpha, Beta, or Omega, I’m destined to never be loved at all. Throughout my life, that was the one thing I wanted, but also the one thing I could never have, even if I died trying.bdcb78e3c40f2147

“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim, let’s not waste each other’s time. On our side, my father approached you because of Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections.”fe9bf67d549cb03e

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Only when the Prosecutor’s name left my lips he said,7ed70a8332727026

“You mean, my father?”91b6811881ba1bb5

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Mr. Taerim finally reacted.4870005922099598

“Yes. Though we may have made it seem like we prioritized Cheon Taerim’s business first, to be honest, that was more like a secondary condition.”74641b82fd3f5226

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My throat kept a4291a3027 getting dry. It felt like my 9bdb6c49bc tongue was rolling back e5c3b46866 into my throat, choking 4dd326e40d me. I quickly grabbed and 318a45a8ba drank the glass of e26d26be7f water on the side 415cffc723 table. The slightly 7cb9f4617c sweet mineral 980841f2d9 water went ef0e7b6943 down smoothly.36e960aeac00c436

“…Of course, I don’t look down on your company.”0d9ed5c193024a42

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“No need for such words. Since we’re still in the startup phase, I was honestly suspicious of the conditions when Hansung first proposed the collaboration.”87f684d0ed87ac15

Mr. Taerim showed uncharacteristic humility. Well, it was wise to be careful with words since his company AOM’s achievements weren’t publicly known yet.57870b87b007bd0a

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Just discovering the characteristic 4efb222433 traits of Alphas and 9ce1cd4f9a Omegas was a worldwide c16c9fc890 achievement, and in two fca32b92cf years, they were planning 0d7e339289 to release a machine 4a9beea6c8 that could analyze imprinting c014fbc244 and knotting probabilities with 3a7302d065 their own system. I vividly remembered how b37d428144 much buzz that created. And twenty-eight-year-old Cheon 595da44739 Taerim had designed 4eadf90c34 and was creating 995fbc95cf such a business.c09499a305665a1d

The capable CEO of AOM with its slogan promising to select perfect partners, a standout mascot even among the typically exceptional dominant Alphas – I was always an anchor in such a flawless life of Cheon Taerim. The fact that the husband of Cheon Taerim, Korea’s most successful dominant Alpha, was merely a Beta was a flaw people loved to gossip about.30b3f077f2338109

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“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim…”cbba937012dcb358

My fingerprints 7d7d6d582b touched the de9252aa7e empty glass. My fingertips, pressed e259249ad5 with force, turned e06c2dcaeb yellow against the dde252cfc1 outer surface of 973718f013 the glass.4d2e2e2ff939c055

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“Next time… I hope you find a proper Omega. Do those personality compatibility checks your company is good at, and well… find a good match like others do and get married… Better than ending up with someone like me, a Beta, by accident.”12062f11ae941d49

Now, what will he say…as I a9d716dffd listened carefully, d124711053 unexpectedly, Cheon 727998c467 Taerim was 995df90951 silent.3514dd94ab5821c2

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‘Why is he quiet…’dfd63644d1e1d5a8

Out of 54a7cc8ad4 curiosity, I 10d018aa79 raised my 6d2c24d512 head just 8f54c12297 slightly to 6be80b4015 peek, and f1820a8274 our eyes ddf31cd4c1 met directly.1bdd7f438dd75772

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Those serious eyes were b11699ca65 deeply contemplating something while 12a5bd3a54 taking in my face. His pupils 5c87f8fde0 were so a7c1eabac1 black that ef73974a00 my face cb866d4438 reflected in f164c01946 them like 295ec04985 the moon, 01b9f3b097 clear and ba3e767a6e distinct.0898ae02baeeaa82

I swallowed back a sigh that was about to escape my throat. Mr. Taerim wouldn’t know how much I had longed for just this, for him to look at me like this…eba54112518e8415

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I let him observe and measure me. For now, I was grateful enough that he wasn’t cursing at my family, saying they were a fraud, or getting angry.076e9a5290f29af5

Ah, of course, he was too experienced on social interactions to reject me outright. Perhaps he was calculating the angle to gradually break off this arranged marriage, considering I was Hansung Group’s youngest son.9123101995792d8c

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I was given 9431d597f1 a few seconds 13c41eb197 of respite while a0c0c82578 he formulated appropriate 4257b1fa3f words of rejection. As I caught 03d395af5f my breath and 5ddd713972 hid my trembling 4c68cebd82 palms under my 98d12b63bf thighs, Mr. Taerim asked.1dcb9d750ca91148

“Is that all?”4fe546849003de03

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I couldn’t easily understand that question. Like that spring day six years ago when I faced an unexpected accusation,09a8732400a2ce5c

‘Were you aware of this, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?’aa270581501b14c1

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My reactions were always the same in front of Cheon Taerim. I could only try to keep up with his tempo with a dumbfounded face. Mr. Taerim, who didn’t yet know this was Kang Hae-ah’s usual expression, was kind.47388c8767b1177e

“I asked if that’s all your reasons for not wanting to marry me.”b48adda4f71e7e29

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He asked again, 533a0a3bbb and,917f59c1d0e4fd6f

“Yes. Because it’s a fraudulent marriage.”e60ca3d21d154748

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I quickly answered.373293b6dfd0c647

“Because your life would be… pitiful if you married a Beta. I don’t like that. That’s the reason… And I don’t like people who would try to use and discard Mr. Cheon Taerim just because he married into a chaebol family. It’s obvious Hansung will try to use Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections for political maneuvering, and I don’t like that either.”be7d57e00ab7a128

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And I don’t like the idea of you hating me again, and I don’t like becoming a husband that is worse than a friend, and I don’t like being bound to you like I’m ruining you life, and I don’t like pretending to be asleep while knowing you sigh every morning looking at my face, and most of all, it was obvious I would fall for you again, and I didn’t like that.1d5465416146fd32

“Thank you for being so considerate.”41e3ac56da49fe21

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“Yeah, well…”e191ed248f4b6c62

“But I’ll pretend I didn’t hear your proposal.”efce11eb99705f5f

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“What?”ad12ac211f65b61c

But Mr. Taerim responded 561afc8d1f with a 75c7ba6e79 no to 6e37c7b933 my farewell.4db9c7bb6adb147e

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“No, why? I just gave you a very important explanation!”41401d8d5be384f8

I looked up eaf0a40e78 at him, forgetting 71c2e72cf3 to avoid those c1ddf15652 cold eyes. As I f2b51177b3 raised my e3f77ad1a1 voice in 82c27c67b1 bewilderment, Mr. Taerim smiled.14988da403bd2f49

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“Thanks to you, I want to do it now. I want to marry you, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”2a0183b7a829db20

Why are you 1bcb4ad43f smiling like that?f47f7a117c9e8bce

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“And you’re not a Beta.”04357984b1f83e51

Why are you saying fcf79dcf1e such things?a0e37c41b4f5adf4

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“You manifested, just now at the restaurant.”97a7e321c177f413

Now it’s one of two things. Either Cheon Taerim is crazy. Or I must be the crazy one.698dfc3dc7333fa9

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“I’m telling you I’m a Beta.”1993126e19f95c27

“Not as of today.”fff0ba70e4a528a7

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There was no reason to listen to more nonsense. I pulled out the IV line from my forearm and stood up. As I fumbled for my coat, my lower abdomen hurt and my legs trembled. Mr. Taerim tried to stop me, saying “Hae-ah. Let’s call a doctor, please stay calm and sit down.”d6836e98024e2bd1

“Calm? Doctor?”221a2e5a8e6ba6bd

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“You still need to 1c43583825 finish your medication.”c31447d1b9258691

“Medication?”49763648d6d8b486

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My lips moved 061333a979 like a parrot’s 9d7cd64cd2 beak, mimicking his 8ea35c5c69 words. I couldn’t 3bef399c08 form any b43dec1b59 coherent sentences, a52af83256 only repeat 23bc458d60 what he 86f6f8d27b said.ee522a1490b84d6c

“The sedative… Mr. Kang Hae-ah, please calm down.”35803d139e53a25a

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“Sedative?”66727215091cfe77

Bright red blood was trickling down my forearm. It was proof that I was still alive, and a sign that I was an idiot who couldn’t even properly remove an IV. As I just stared at the red liquid with my neck trembling, Mr. Taerim’s hand entered my field of vision.508bda2cbd71689b

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He gently touched my forearm. It wasn’t grabbing or pulling, just a slight touch. It was like touching a machine’s touchscreen with his palm. But that machine was me.12c4e26bf8f69e48

My trembling legs collapsed instantly. I was too shocked to even scream. My eyeballs felt like they would pop out and my heart was racing, but only hot breaths escaped between my teeth. I couldn’t properly control my body.fa1e7f51269dc6d9

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Mr. Taerim easily supported my body as it collapsed like a doll. He was quick to hold me with both arms and move me to the bed. He clearly knew I wouldn’t be able to stand when he touched me.8d727560da655dcb

And there a0159e3fd0 was one d1b5615984 more thing fc7133aa18 that was 1ad3e8e69c clear. My body was 19a45c4c93 no longer the 5dfdab6ec7 same as before. At first my forearm 0c368b744e was hot, and during be7549c054 the few seconds he 854a900b63 moved me, my whole 805f21dee3 body became feverish.9e0b1a919ab01ac0

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“Let me go.”00049cdef997493b

My voice leaked out 55e66a393f pathetically weakly.4913937aca05b756

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“Please let me go…”9c9b2c66ed0dd66c

When I pleaded repeatedly, db1f94d749 Mr. Taerim released me. Right after, he aed286336f neatly laid me 337778bdda back on the 8e2853b85c bed and covered 603c1881aa me with the 5c41c949a1 blanket. He pressed 3f26292423 the nurse 87bf0c44ed call button 39dc513d94 twice,tap, tap. Is he annoyed?He pressed the 1c233f070b button with some 16ee1085fe emotion behind it.ccfa0da87d8f0134

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“…I’m sorry.”e5e0f3a2c763e905

Then he apologized again, but this time his apology wasn’t so shocking. It was because of the abnormal symptoms occurring in my body. My whole body was so strange that it was difficult to react to strange things happening outside my skin.f1a8cedf86b4149d

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To be honest, I needed to pee. And my lower abdomen hurt terribly. My eyes wouldn’t open well because of the fever, and suddenly Cheon Taerim felt unfamiliar. Now he seemed neither a simple businessman nor the man who had been my husband.8a224b6bacacbfff

He was an Alpha. A dominant Alpha born knowing how to control Omegas. And I was… as he said, no longer the same as before.90fcfce541d8366a

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“Still, no-nothing changes.”df8d4837cf857867

I said, 17cc8dd765 clutching the 6c82e7de3b blanket.ac3d7c468d35c0ef

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“I won’t marry you. I, I… I don’t believe in arranged marriages. I like being free. I like dating however I want, but a loveless marriage? How does that make any sense?”d4895436cded9963

I could list a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t be with me. Nine hundred would be true and I would make up a hundred more to reach a thousand.17b51f5d98bc8ba5

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But these words I was spouting now weren’t meant to convince Mr. Taerim. They were just words I was blurting out randomly to draw his attention and keep my own mind anchored.bb5b55ea68016a00

For some reason, it 48b40ed04a felt like a major b4674713cb accident would happen if 94957e5d37 I stayed quiet in 5836245d78 the silence. Before, I had worried a4fa4732b9 that he might curse 701dc29d6e at me, push me db1b5e47e8 away and get angry e9f425617f again, or leave. But this 6cefb726d2 anxiety was 23c8324fbd different from 7b85a24845 such worries. It felt 3d8061d9ca like if 632ea051de I stayed 61738af11f still, the 1f075c4eda Alpha named 55c3558429 Cheon Taerim 206f134045 would devour 6ac533345c me.78a67959b673e585

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“And, and I heard somewhere that I have a high chance of getting cancer. Do you want to marry someone who might collapse from cancer at any time? But being rich means I won’t die easily either. And…”ec00e27fee84ecf4

“…”236216776e6e3b27

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“I’m speaking Korean right now, right?”3d66e0d62c62b6bc

“You are.”a638dc1e2619398c

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“Then… then you’re listening to everything I’m saying, right?”e2a4898bb27792cb

“I am.”67736cd02013b481

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So what’s your answer? I tried 9db9488a07 to convey 5d8de6cbf4 this with e5fb262aab my eyes. More precisely, I ccd2909cca just looked up 4e8124bab8 at him pleadingly ec8e0dfbe6 with my pathetic 0a006668aa face, but Mr. Taerim seemed 2c057b390b to understand 078176898e my feelings.8e8fac7256e66418

He let 635afa8cf2 out a 15705d8a1a short sigh, 666be6077a then took 7a633136f1 a much 1020c5787f longer breath e354551fe5 in. And spoke.93f70278eb3b88ec

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“It’s natural for you to feel this way now. You just manifested and you’re not in good condition, so you can’t trust an Alpha, and you’ll need time to think.”f52f85381321f798

That still wasn’t the answer I wanted. Suddenly, Mr. Taerim’s tone discussing my condition sounded as if I currently lacked rational and sensible judgment. I felt a surge of anger.79e2e458e7352a3a

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“Hey, are you really just going to ignore everything I’ve said until now?”c5263673171c7b71

“I heard your words well, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”a7ddc0c3d9177699

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While I was this frustrated and desperate, Mr. Taerim was even calmer than before. He no longer smiled. He didn’t say sorry to soothe my feelings, nor did he make jokes. He didn’t even blink his black eyes.03153053dfa9de8b

Like a stone statue, 99c809c726 he spoke,99837eb1eb65de4a

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“You’re telling me to find an honest Omega who isn’t interested in my family’s connections, doesn’t eye me just because I’m a dominant Alpha, and wants to live quietly without political schemes.”ee18d9ee8b47c53d

His gaze moved slowly 3fc48f4f89 from my forehead to 1b2a88759b my cheeks, then to f72a04a813 my chin, and back 9e2a9bded4 to my eyes. It was 64111e479d the first fa9664098d time in 3672049db3 my life a934936eba someone had 3c316f510c examined my 84e077c58c face this 9e7c82d7cb closely.95246b5bf2ff1277

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“Aren’t you exactly that kind of Omega, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”a4d27b4ff146492d

My lips parted silently. Before I could find a9c789f183 words to say, ‘knock knock,’the nurse 405e00ec8b knocked on b513575e61 the hospital 58be420050 room door.28e6325a6008af0b

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“You want to date first. I understand your conditions well.”015c3a47d7873361

Mr. Taerim stood 2482d76ca8 up, gathering 8e7b52e70b his coat. The neatly aa5bc84e02 folded coat 2b14e6da43 draped perfectly 50865bcb2e over his 001018de62 arm as 4a857305cd he rose.f16c256de75dd2e1

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“Then let’s make this e23a9cc0a1 not an arranged marriage. Once you stabilize, I’ll 5c6d1ed47e contact you for an 3a1c8ee1a4 outing.”4e9915618132f990

The towering, solid, 6322f4b81e beautiful man who af46499496 was my husband 9f5c6c371b looked at me. I hadn’t 53e24c39dc realized until 0705556136 now how ebae76f923 young twenty-eight-year-old 8ae45fde20 Taerim truly 6c9bbdc7f6 was.4e4ad9edcfe1960c

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 52043beb9b90043d

313f231b4ebbe3be

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