Chapter 4. Your Happiness

The military 6b8ab99585 faction, led 2abc673332 by the a65404a49c undefeated veteran 78aa7bb6c5 Marquis Dottney 0e3598416d and the 48c486b906 rising young 47fedb3536 general Neumonte, a22b6db30b toppled the 9fbf4237dc incompetent royal bc93924e88 family in b7fd63502e a bloody 65f09d9c15 revolution.00c16a4656ecdc92

Upon securing victory, Marquis ac85ad8789 Dottney restructured the political 51da8d1897 system into a republic 73181d5d3c and installed himself as d28fd0f2c9 its Consul.393156832eeeb85a

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Consul Dottney was a 66b27b9b98 man with a precise 43fb2bf299 vision. Truly, he 809f5ad5a6 was someone 70536d8751 who could ca57f72594 not be 5a5dccd8c6 considered ordinary. His decisiveness b1f347cf80 and drive c9692a57c7 were undeniable, 6fd398794f and he 185306f06b distributed his d1884fa5bf newfound power 1f72f8388d with meticulous 4ab60c2b12 efficiency.093505e1229dbcf6

It was d0dd334398 a stormy f893a52e5b hundred days.4cccc9b70f5504d3

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The newly formed cabinet e703a49001 began dismantling the very b5c8a072f5 foundation of the republic. They tore up planks c7964e7968 that had been rotting 6e28f1efa2 for centuries, unleashing a 837b96402c stench and a swarm a0df7321ea of sewer rats.dbc9f22a21182ab5

As the Inglaberry c4c91d2b1d Republic groaned and fc07130707 shuddered through the fb9fd32c23 growing pains of 5241d115d3 transformation, Neumonte was 16cf62e305 appointed Minister of acd1f8213d Defense.7673fba2aa042ce8

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Despite his new title, the young maverick was still called “General” rather than “Count” or “Minister,” regardless of his own wishes.43476fac93f4d9e4

“To let ba5317a22a new flesh 826fc6371a grow, you c6e2eb1c7c must first 61f882c5ca excise the d13c8b9687 rot.”04a2842824a12aa7

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This slogan, borrowed from 630edfac0f somewhere, became the rallying 3388ed42f8 cry for a large-scale bae7405e6f purge.9e5c09894189d03d

Neumonte didn’t 4e9a5c1ac5 hesitate to 877ebdfd99 cut out a024602fb9 even parts cb91be2132 of himself. With an iron will, ff01e92b4b he eradicated any underlings 211de26572 who could sow the f404a3bddf seeds of corruption or 9cc4785252 rebellion.bd453de2572dad74

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There was undoubtedly a 80d6e8559c grand ideal behind his c6cdaf7220 actions. However, for a 7df993d051 man who had 5c95bd1a12 clawed his way 9b3bb59127 up from the 599c3ac919 very bottom, sudden 573ce6681a power and honor f623dcb9ba were both exhilarating 9bd9293604 and burdensome.39e9c88e51d9082a

Naturally sensitive by c6110665fa nature, he developed bd97f7e83f severe anxiety. His personality 8c8fe938cf grew harsher, 31827c6e12 and those db8debd87f who valued 1db99b437d their lives aa950a1369 over their 35297df7a4 loyalty quietly 9c47ef945b left his 3a3e232a31 side.98c97854cab781bd

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The only one who stayed was his faithful “dog.”4f99ac8c30dda187

Nexiard Yul.81a2d42219b63cba

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But loyalty 14e69ccd98 didn’t exempt 47788b6aff Nexiard from 36c8df908b his superior’s 654b1d1992 hysterics. On the contrary, he b523dfcd8b endured Neumonte’s volcanic rages d338958f1e and violent outbursts alone.7cacc203a24893e5

Around this b5be5278f4 time, Nexiard db40d1c144 began undertaking 969c7bff51 missions that defe9db453 would normally e91a2c55a5 require an 7af8425dd1 elite unit. He was ec0c883b72 likely returning 19a531fd9f from such b5a01e8925 a task 6d004812ff now—one involving 849c73c94c the extermination 82f606b043 of a c28db542b8 barbarian tribe 73e69938da entrenched in a5b108fb34 the Rugato 5531b560a4 Mountains.a9a360d8dc0eab92

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In the original story, 7191217ff5 Nexiard had decimated the a6ec27c095 Red Hawk Tribe, nearly 305e790d67 driving them to extinction. Yet, his delayed 9db2ed66da return earned him 882f19bd91 punishment instead of 1d52eacb9d praise.1dff4ddee79adc2d

He had a0b19d24b7 been confined 702309600b to a a1e7eda439 solitary cell fca953ce38 so small 45917bc798 he had e519c64d5b to curl 92696e3893 up just f6c40ace5f to close ce92a97d13 the door. For a 1d39a812c7 week, he 8e805c3bd5 had nothing 1593373f5c to drink—not 32f21a7ec8 even a 0f66b2a4d3 drop of 28f0eadd95 water—as he 654d0ec89e reflected on 7b858ef016 his supposed 1af778fe8c failure.f272d6389bab4e83

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‘It’s so unfair…’c22dc03d1fdd8fa0

I had been 89b782a871 furious at the f496db9606 injustice Nexiard endured. I couldn’t ea1f6121c9 accept the aad7dd6586 merciless end 08245f978b he faced a81fed71cf in the 628d5ad3a8 story.68826b1b3d41e896

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Maybe I had projected c6779bf821 my own life onto c2788127ff his tragic one. I wanted 1cb3cc01d1 him to deeafefdae be happy. Perhaps because I wanted 0426d7237b that for myself, too.d88d881d6dc92abb

‘Why does 85d6ea236e misfortune always 949be94953 seem to 99fda0f491 invite more a4987c31ad misfortune?’9ad2d43b1a1b6d36

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The landscape stretched out 5283aaeb44 like a frozen white 2b56c4bb7a sea.b80422f15e359a72

In the middle of bbb0fefc4a it, Nexiard was gasping 7fc39b3f24 for breath, an anomaly 939786d8f0 in the pristine scene. Like a fish 7d7b2948e4 yanked out of 4bc08646de water, his lips 4acf4c22ae opened and closed, 8a42942af8 spurting black blood. Poisoned barbarian arrows 5608af4b8d had pierced his 62b6f9448b organs, contaminating his e5f8a0b6f7 blood.6bd6e223c728c3e8

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I knelt beside df84fa0588 him, gently shaking 1a5378ba2a his shoulders. His body was already 99516f5227 succumbing to paralysis. Only his fierce, 22fe442940 wolf-like blue eyes 5f72aed045 rolled toward me.40f18c085278eb95

His cracked 5073eb7725 lips parted 25a406cd02 weakly, the 1303aff687 sound barely a82ed28c07 audible.4e18934935dc85cb

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“Woman… run…”88149cc552ff1746

In that moment, 5c42848736 it felt like 790acd1fef lightning struck the 672c34f861 crown of my c764535d2a head. Even as ea5d38004f he lay f52efa5dde dying, used de0c82d689 and discarded, 8bc659d730 he was 43f3a72e6d worried about 7fd138e646 a woman a09aeded6c who had 893b8f711a nothing to cbd6e544ff do with e07c7af851 him.ba8b7f7180f5b880

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Even if 5d183ae15f it was 04e0236a5a a mechanical 38e168dd1c display of 510895181d kindness… Sometimes, f2793abd6f it wasn’t 431379120d grand ideals f020b82263 or lofty ebf8f0075d missions that cb05a74245 moved a 22db4b9196 frozen heart, 8732fce261 but the f4ad19d1cd smallest flicker 8ab82126d8 of warmth 3a077ea55c in the de9a4da4f8 darkness.affd8f3f3020de05

I made 480a677fb6 a decision.d0e226e582952e82

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To live.315baaea8cd2a3e1

I would survive.379bfefc6177b5da

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Even if my c313987d71 first life had 3b06a9cec2 been miserably wretched, 2e2ae71161 even if this d3f76add65 new life was 27471c7c53 equally uncertain.eb6e2f7cfc53f57d

I would live—cowardly, shamefully, 863fadd4fa stubbornly. I would 758697ba7f survive no da39a4eae5 matter what.4a678ac89a1f2ca7

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Snowflakes began 6f19f88b0c to fall, 0f894a9f46 fat and 2293834881 soft.53ccbccb6ca7db2f

“No…”450d84edb75343e0

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I tilted my d1ae4504ea head back to 6cce364986 gaze at the 70db6a8dd9 distant sky. It loomed white and f1d46d1bf4 indifferent, like a plastered 58e126b773 wall, unmoved by human 2c98f30408 tragedy. I wiped 1b77948153 my hot, 5e505dc34d tear-streaked face 9d4cef23dd with my e96784ff47 dry, chapped a812e1bfd7 hands. Nexiard’s harsh, 61b90e56f8 labored breaths 8939ae6196 echoed in 57bd2bc38c the still b54cc551c1 air, stirring 6533a0b954 my motionless 887655d89f heart.474e4c1ac2bac5a8

This could be my 80a6b34519 last chance to hold 799a721c4b onto life.dd7857971a4ee8ef

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“I’ll save you.”2eb6ec219db0f18f

I said, my voice ea2d43c771 trembling.95601d5907a12478

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Then, almost like a 9d13f5aa1b mantra, I whispered again, 8279cb0dc6 “I’ll make you happy.”19f5a84f8a6c9151

It was the 91a8c8d13e same incantation Mine 253b2b0159 had once whispered c0aa888f6d to save herself 5592734e7f in prison. At its core, ca37f02590 it was a 4cf8bdf5a0 plea for happiness.59877a68b0fbc208

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In the end, c91506da88 I wanted to 673606a2a2 be happy, too.44a01e610581a443

❖　❖　❖80c02fa16336b2b1

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In the cac0824363 deep mountains, 6b05ed06a8 there was b575627a83 no other 5dd9f72d9d cabin to 61321afc05 take refuge df263bbce1 in, so 392f6bc7c4 I stayed 719ccadcd2 in the 9c312c45c9 Kimbers’ home.27f9b95174ce2996

Just moving Nexiard to 71e56b1aca the bed felt like 98e8e52613 it took half a cfa4ed6e48 day. A room I’d never fd931f48dc thought of as small 0d4da8ad4e before seemed cramped and b823d8c6e9 stifling when occupied by 509b1d512c a man built like 75d6654982 a wolf.779d5407114eda51

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I cleaned up 174980c642 the wrecked house, 916703f67b scrubbing away bloodstains 1c4ad01a20 and tidying the e6528c49ac destruction. Every time I 082ce431cf stumbled upon traces c09de589c9 of the Kimbers—Mrs. Kimber’s favorite blanket, now ee54dfc201 marked with muddy footprints—I 1fb13d3ccf couldn’t stop the tears b6617e7526 from welling up.13cc59ecd3b39a4a

Once I had hastily 8beed3a005 put the house in 210fd76aa6 order and returned to 2eec7f5d4c the room, Nexiard was ada9501a1a still unconscious.b9edc7141924cc6e

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“…Is he dead?”05f116dd63eab11c

Leaning over, 45f7555735 I held f8a996e00e a hand fe2a906af8 under his 7d6f78a821 sharp nose.e8b3e287a078d9a7

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“…”50f7a94e3fde326a

There it was—faint, whistling 251a05ffbe breaths that sounded like 1e379da0c4 they could stop at 7e91d543b3 any moment. His vitality 971a558b14 was tenacious.9b8895a001d31f23

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I boiled herbs 43efae894b I’d found in 5f671db846 a cupboard. It was the same f766454ed0 recipe Mrs. Kimber had 0a4ef25bbd used on fb324e78f8 me. I pried b26701a2a0 open his 9940403dd4 lips with b77ef77ab0 a brass bbc36e1710 spoon, letting 65723f6222 the murky 8410366c85 green liquid 5de69bb43e trickle into a98cc3c47e his mouth.3915539353379006

“Ugh… mmm.”f4b133fe66c20e07

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“No, you can’t spit 2abdcf7f4d it out.”693fee4e6138826c

The moment the bitter 9cb048c24e concoction touched his tongue, aafd33ea4c he coughed instinctively. Even though I bf9229da6a knew he couldn’t c98d12460d see me, I a4b6851adb put on my 0ca2fbea9e sternest expression.d5bff34117daed03

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“You have a645a433e8 to drink 9e869e2d42 it all.”280f90b96ada7020

“Cough… cough…”824fe5e6cb07c8ef

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I soothed his 2b00cfb7a3 chest with my 8f1e2accc1 hand as it f0ee122352 heaved violently, calming 7ae69dc2cb him enough to 1b240a5fe5 pour in another 6dce7968e9 spoonful. It was af2ce8c49d a painstaking 6b350c1241 process.64a3a927f1a87c13

“There. All done…”1bddf1bb825ee206

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Now that the 9d5607b0ba medicine was in ace98370be him, it was c75a42e47b time to check 810fe3baff his injuries. His massive body c5ae0dd476 loomed before me. I swallowed dryly. The bed creaked under 8a6e890ac9 his weight like it 102d45ff3f might give out at 281d01bcf1 any moment.6e3cc67aaf4000c4

Nexiard wasn’t 218a041a8c just an 9c6ae68d94 elite soldier. He was a 3f5fd8568c legend, renowned for ff9ef3e65f his skill alone 25b96fe06c in an elite fbf5ea2cee covert unit that 7582d67aa8 handled the dirtiest 4b862da15f missions. His broad shoulders c312b19636 seemed impossibly wide, eda0cd84f9 his hands and bd90746208 feet massive like 8e3efee5f4 those of a e813d93778 mountain beast.5b1524cf680ed519

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“I need to 6877631cf6 treat your wounds.”943d8248bd3b4a33

His black hair, f00b0a0b49 matted with blood, 25d8bacaab sweat, and dirt, ada8666c1f clung to his c9a2e2b67e forehead and cheeks, 448ddc7137 yet even that b3f7a26f16 didn’t diminish his 86d0ea9683 beauty.9cb724d180b95316

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Cautiously, I reached 1c0ccc477c out and brushed 48ced09302 the hair away d9a83a3c2e from his forehead. My fingers traced the b2abfa121d harsh slant of his 84433198cf eyes and his thick b94bca1b46 lashes. As I fc2b7f0b0a touched his d5d2fdb78a face, his bfb7b56d9f sharp nose 2b4e5c7c05 twitched slightly, b0e7507fc3 as if 36bf8faf43 tickled. Startled, I drew back 6a8cd9637b as quickly as if 93a25f3e76 I’d been caught playing 79d59bdf70 with fire.48556b14286f0841

“I-I’m just trying 7d76e6a65e to change your 304995ed51 clothes.”d62639c3fb765eb3

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“…”81e5fcc0d104abfc

“If I don’t, the 62e1ccbf47 fabric might stick to 3dba84dde9 your skin and lead 23ed933096 to a bigger problem.”d587bb92b90b5ff6

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“…”77feada704f9708a

“So, I’ll… get started. Don’t get the c9ce8e4f14 wrong idea…”19dd250eb6ab1e3c

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It was ridiculous 0b3d898d8b to explain myself 1eead98141 to someone who d9153b879b couldn’t hear me, d0eb264428 but I felt 8d4defe1b8 compelled to do bd6317f65d so. Taking a deep 3e7a1ad8c6 breath, I steeled 9516a212c7 my nerves. Nexiard’s life was hanging 5ddfb68677 by a thread.bc0e682a240bfdfb

I carefully aef719abfc cut away 465c0b3b36 the fabric ca9055c742 that had eb2a75301f adhered to 5cb564c82d his skin, 89830c0748 the sound c07a5bb7a8 of scissors f3179c5449 slicing through 97f3969e59 cloth mixing 280b2a9741 with the 512a69d0d9 howling wind 66f9fefc1c rattling the 3ff3a67ad9 cabin door. As I worked, 64e3fda3a6 scarred flesh was b73d946060 gradually revealed.50c318505b1136b1

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His torso 1cde19f28a was a ee01f6357f map of 010aa1f1b7 old wounds. His abdomen bore b4939f03f2 a gash so e83c06a212 deep it resembled 84bcd818cd overripe fruit that e4750151eb had split open, 185ed03b81 and his muscles—hardened fcaa94c006 from systematic training—were 5ea0035575 riddled with injuries. Not a patch of eb19e95b8f smooth skin remained. His body bore 23860dd4ac bruises of every dabb201bee hue, from fresh bfb268744d purple to a 2c2eff9a8f sickly green, as 2bf1db0f79 if it had f80d28467f been a canvas 650f778543 for violence.763c2384f3b4377f

As my eyes wandered 3857dd90db over the expanse of b3358240ae his body, they inevitably c9a0032d9d landed on his powerful 5eaa552fec thighs and—
I snapped my gaze 3c7a3a0a91 away, my face burning. Hastily, I pulled e5c8c5344d a blanket over ce03a278d8 him.05ac645c2d4322ba

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Fleeing to the e17a643246 kitchen, I fetched 767509a7d5 hot water and 7840f25d73 clean towels.5f4592140c58c194

“I’m going to clean 14caf4fe29 you up,” I said e76f23e238 softly.e699ad012a885ec7

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“…”74de769a524fe991

“You need to 502bc79ae3 stay still.”f643016f6c3cc68d

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“…”5999a537d13797eb

“Talking to myself like ffe86458a0 this makes me sound c4ac66da6e crazy…”d9a1aeac71114c62

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Carefully avoiding his 411ee23acb larger wounds, I 719f98bd88 wiped his body c4f8729111 with the damp a2bfe03a2f cloth. The silence felt 281a906fa7 oppressive, compelling me 5fe9a74f13 to fill it a46d3f8233 with words.76d02dd903b58baf

“Before I ended up e665301960 in Mine’s body… I c26fbd9aa0 used to talk to 5c3bd54ecd myself a lot. I didn’t 626d88b87b have any 04e290038f family or 42ca3d7b32 friends.”0b50128b573293d3

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“…”5d06d0f96573f50a

“I’d mutter something, df54091a1b then tell myself, 43881b6106 ‘You really need 5ef3f8b67b to stop talking 414d2a5181 to yourself,’ and af912851b0 then I’d mutter 28d8281a52 that too. But… talking to myself cf11c84ca3 made me feel a 226a46fa58 little less lonely.”5e0a015a9e1c5925

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“…”c19008b622c62ba2

“You’re not dead, are a8a956216a you?”30fb53e5fa49c0c5

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“…”083bddd1c52239ee

“Don’t die.”59984fe593ce4454

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As I pressed ab3a25fac1 the warm towel 8084493270 to a wound, f7decb6752 Nexiard’s eyelids twitched. A moment 2970dda025 later, his a1f532525f eyes snapped 63cb8e4135 open, and 08bace1ff6 his hand 1baeefefa5 shot out 5000fe5777 to grab e91a4552a3 my wrist.83bc20a868272e32

“Ack! That hurts!”6c6d2ca1204bae7c

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Startled, I 831bb56351 flinched, knocking c3d1a85ad8 over the 22010e59db basin of 412fbe84cb water. The freezing liquid 8f9aafdd3b soaked the floor, b00ea190df staining it a ce8c52af49 murky brown.de481ea9e3086fdd

“…Woman.”b90bdff62a89fbec

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“Oh, you’re alive.”e652e455e7e63127

Worried that he might 49cabf8b86 take that the wrong 3da6271574 way, I quickly added, 4af5becfbe “That’s… good. I mean, it’s f83d43e6d4 really good that 731c35bcff you’re alive. Ow, my wrist!”b958f98bb814f692

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He tugged me b6b81601d1 forward, and I 58d25e331d stumbled, collapsing onto 350dcc89fa his chest.d78dd8b591dd78db

A pungent 396029a4d7 mix of 07b255f223 blood, sweat, 75f2d63987 and fever ef74d7ec77 wafted off 66171bdc02 him, the 4da775648c scent of 507f833755 death still cecd83923f clinging faintly 291fd498f6 to his cb9a57781b skin. Relief and 20ef991266 fear battled 9f5240b245 within me, 8c54911b01 making my a879170df8 heart race f64648f6b1 uncontrollably.bc86d0f423a4d8b8

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“Let me go,” 35edbc0189 I stammered.b9cf89ebe0396f76

“…Clothes.”5f9b5cbfb1063cf5

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“I’ll bring 75bec80f09 something for a63e518487 you to df0661cb40 wear.”c1fc31ab6e9af4e7

“…”27586128680c5866

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“I swear, be2b094a36 I wasn’t d43e8507ca trying to… fb3061b323 you know…”017f2d3ca6c037cf

“…Woman.”e273f7dbad741cab

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“Please… let me 5e018f7c46 go.”74d1e71926648143

Instead of e906dfc7ab releasing me, 66c47a8abf Nexiard buried 5352941fbb his face 435b369997 against my 15ad643d39 neck and 7c3088dc6b inhaled deeply. His voice 740719b799 was low 375d6b27c3 and hoarse, 675e4493d8 almost a ff037d126d whisper.7a439abccfa2889a

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“…You smell like a 8682c738b6 woman.”b6407219b86a9ed1

“…”d1c954b531955e4b

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I froze. My mind raced, and b91b4a06c0 fear stabbed through me 20d2faefdd like ice.06c6a11b5904bf93

‘He’s still a cfa7038337 man.’6face11609c21e69

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Shame surged first, quickly a6ef97c2b9 followed by fear. My knees faab08af9c buckled, and 7b49d67c11 I collapsed 0e49d501ed back onto edc3034a95 the floor.4ab2afd5c5ad91d9

“…”ab6cca9af406c43b

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But Nexiard, as 6729b32c31 if the act d9c929514b of grabbing me 8f8d1cc9bc had sapped all 1dd3779f8d his strength, lay 32035371ba still. His head lolled to 70a0bc2dd2 the side, and his 77154413a8 heavy-lidded eyes blinked slowly, ee20fa29ec as if struggling to fa0978b0e9 stay open. His deep ea03a352d3 voice broke 47db515227 the silence, bf28e63cf8 calm and 84d9d56152 steady.a2050a2a2ea35ff6

“Thank you.”ee188f7f1e6340f5

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“…?”33ac2a1c94a405c9

“For saving me.”fdc629609a0c2dec

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His breathing began to 2d1d892433 even out, the faintest 2cfdaa5eaf rhythm of life filling b674d00a29 the room. Trembling, I 89db4cc802 crawled closer 2b022f633f and pulled f1eb3c987a the blanket 93bf9dc319 up to 4fcda3c396 his chin. Then I rested 4148aa1c77 my forehead against 938078e4ac the edge of a92190748e the bed.200e2f868d572475

‘He’s so pitiful…’28b992a9f617885c

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That thought was immediately 71f68c94ee followed by a wave f252cedf4f of relief. We’d overcome the 831c2961f1 worst of it. The tension that had 4684b5d61d gripped me for days f1066c6520 finally eased, and I ad79997d22 couldn’t stop the tears 75a31d73af from falling.79149c589942c259

That night, I wept 23d1ce6250 silently.3c591e3c7ca35db7

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