LV Chapter 4.2

He took the first 7f0ab4b696 step with his hands d00b4f05c0 in his pockets. Sasya noticed that his 16cc0522a3 palm gripping the bag 21079e9845 strap was slightly damp 5b47b7f3dc with sweat. Strangely, his vision 8dad39687f became blurry with 61f63fb925 each step.aea73adfe0f057f4

Sasya looked up. The hotel where 5f865464ef he was staying 1563eaaa73 was less than 4e8df8f596 500 meters from 02102422aa the Museum of f802d53be4 Modern Art, and ba5e17451a the hotel immediately f5ed48cbb5 came into view.8afd50a30fed272f

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It was a 31c127b05a distance he could d9fc7f84ab have walked alone 83d982d6f3 without being escorted. He wondered why Karel bdaddafd2d had offered to take 87ce2e7b0a him back.bf3918f44910cdae

Was it 23e4f4acae because he a424fb10d1 was only 6cf4cb829c sixteen?4835b88aff3bdacf

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“Karel…”41abf57ab7776236

Sasya gathered courage and called his name. It was the first time he’d spoken it. Sasya stumbled forward to catch up and studied his expression, but there was still no reaction.147cb27928bb8400

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“Karel, Karel. Mr. Clements.”54d1fba2386b3ad8

“Yes.”57f4a85c146d6b4d

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Only a polite d9d71563c0 response came back.0f0bc5b124d0934a

“I’m going to have my first kiss soon.”99a13f0e4ec209ed

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Karel chuckled at d5a90c1f05 that.d95d1cec564447e2

Even Sasya himself couldn’t guess what kind of reaction he had expected, but he knew it wasn’t this one. That seemingly dismissive response filled Sasya with emptiness.dcc540e8a3b279d3

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“Doesn’t it bother you at all?”2e088b14c5b45fcc

“You don’t need my permission for such things.”20dd997fd5881010

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“I wasn’t asking for permission.”030114a35e18870c

“Then?”844c199f3d37562e

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Karel stopped briefly and looked down at Sasya. With his 30-centimeter height difference, Sasya had to endlessly look up at the sky whenever he stood close. The streetlight pouring over Karel’s head made it difficult to see his expression.9c5547e5cd395c99

“Is it really okay if I kiss someone?”f1ae7d522c2a76b4

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Contradicting his earlier statement that he wasn’t asking for permission, Sasya immediately posed a conflicting question.ee2526ab2a9b7b29

“Of course.”301b181eb1f8c4fa

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And Sasya was shocked by Karel’s light, airy agreement.ba2e81e328e1d80a

“Why…?”685b6d03025a7870

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“Why, you ask… I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at with such questions.”bdf15fedd1839181

Karel frowned while stroking his chin. It seemed to be his habit to cup his large hand around his chin and stroke its slightly rough surface where stubble had begun to appear. Without thinking, Sasya rose on his tiptoes and reached out to touch his chin as well. His thin, soft, and moist hand intertwined with Karel’s. A rare different light appeared in Karel’s expression.195631cdba5b0c46

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And Sasya, who had suddenly touched Karel’s chin, felt satisfied. Though it looked smooth on the surface, perhaps because it was late at night, he could feel the slight stubble under his fingertips.6a7816fbcc4e2f2e

“Why? Why is it okay to kiss someone? A great dancer… has many things he can’t do. I have zero points for character, bad relationships, and I beat up my friend and sent him to France… So why are you okay with me kissing someone? Why?”0a7d222aec9d3fb2

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Sasya said this as he fell forward. His forehead hit Karel’s rock-solid chest with a thud.4c23bf728bab407e

And just before Sasya could collapse to the ground, he felt Karel catch him firmly by both arms. Strangely, his vision was spinning and he felt dizzy. “Haah…” When he let out a deep breath, hot air poured from his mouth.5d27c372473117c2

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“Oh… Was what you drank actually alcohol?”9404ff56a427367c

“Why? Why don’t you stop me? If I were Karel and Karel were Sasya, I would have opposed it. Because ballet alone isn’t enough…! Why do you say it’s okay? Why?”80b2d9db2aad36db

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Already drunk, his pronunciation of ‘why, why’ sounded more like ‘we, we,’ but Sasya didn’t realize it.e784145967d24761

“Why, you ask? Because I’ve already done it with someone else.”f5c17121e06eed9a

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“What…?”e1630860f1b7d26c

Sasya looked 71cb8472be up at 5064bad196 Karel with 6f7b3bfe15 an ‘Eh?’ 1848cb3100 He was ab01eb2d0a looking down 76a5f34366 at Sasya 74594cc6f0 with a c82602be19 slightly furrowed 67b537c8e5 expression.18a570a56b08c38d

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“I’m fair.”22eb9c776aa50350

Sasya opened his mouth feb1855aa6 slightly and stared endlessly 3f77fd5ebc at Karel. A violent 6ce549c98f shock passed c3c8b8cf28 through the 74db5327f4 back of 00471ac793 his head.8ccdf5ce3f2d98e7

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“…Ah…”f5573b92f81ff321

As his trembling knees e6b2273788 wobbled slightly, Karel caught e170654d2b Sasya again with his 6df0f29879 firm arms. Even just eb337c0e5f the slight 329c2a8e1d swaying of f13892593b his vision 905c093290 made his 98ec01da80 head throb. Sasya shook his head 778e05b8ec weakly while holding the 14630249be side of his head.2e4fd5396d3644ce

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“My head hurts…”8eaf134d762e474e

“That’s because you drank alcohol.”336bc05f6ca09c26

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“I can’t walk…”d3d8e036948a9ea1

When Sasya spoke f08e06c196 in a trembling b6e09a88c9 voice, Karel kindly 249f8450d2 turned his back 3805f6aecd and extended his 7f252874ae hand.4fdddca962318767

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“Shall I carry you?”1abf712b9d5b733f

“No need!”f27f8e0a0f049440

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Sasya shook 742a99c794 his head f1e7b1063c and acted 22ac7b9c7f stubborn. He wanted to 974e073302 kick Karel in f5847dffeb the butt.293400cc7299fe43

Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be carried on those broad shoulders, but for some inexplicable feeling of betrayal, his heart ached and he wanted to reject him as much as possible. As Sasya pushed Karel’s hand away and struggled, he stumbled backward and hit his back against a tree.6c208be34a728ab0

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“Ah…”2e02e50d310cf099

The moment he groaned 4cbd36dde1 in pain from his babbf7bc3c back, Karel suddenly came 5d30d1db87 closer.c11b6b25a6646ca7

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“Then I’ll carry you.”42952dd70625523d

“Huh?”430cab0abb9a7db7

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And Sasya’s vision flipped upside down in an instant. It seemed that until just now, Karel had only been playing along with Sasya’s playful punches when he was pushed away. Once he made up his mind to lift Sasya, there was no way to win against his physical strength.9105f85784c2d219

Something acidic refluxed in Sasya’s esophagus as his upper abdomen pressed against Karel’s solid shoulder. Suddenly being lifted upside down, Sasya almost retched, ‘ugh’, and pounded Karel’s back with his fists. The alcohol was making him irritable.985b801ed670959d

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However, Karel continued taking large strides as if he hadn’t been hit at all. It was clear how slowly he had been walking earlier to match Sasya’s pace. The ground swayed and wobbled in sync with Karel’s quick steps.f0a37a9c0573d916

“I weigh 45 kilos… Put me down.”4c47bf2e79ee6423

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Sasya squirmed and mumbled against Karel’s nape. Sasya’s voice, mixed with his breath, tickled Karel’s neck.18492c4d4381f8f1

In his drunken, blurry 78b1b61c19 vision, Sasya could clearly 5009aa32c1 see the white shirt ffaa434977 collar wrapped around Karel’s 80a8e344c3 neck like armor, the 7e1a0d5b9b smooth skin of his 075ac5b0e6 nape, and the dense e7211b1603 golden hair covering his 818130fee7 neck. Every time Sasya murmured, bd8131e938 small goosebumps rose on 1b243ed142 that nape.4e4d566025d4dcee

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Without realizing it, Sasya dcdae69f2b reached out to trace 427aafcb55 the surface of that 67a942800d skin.dc8cfbf2f2220631

“Put me down…”132aefcf8f6d2972

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No matter 57d18b6cf0 how much bf6237fd82 Sasya pleaded 7559dcfa87 to be 4d86682bf1 put down, 4a8fac4ddc Karel simply 419ff95702 ignored him.af28a764005009ed

“My ear is so ticklish I can barely stand it.”806de3a1b6f042fa

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Thinking that Karel might throw him onto the street if he sneezed from the tickling sensation in his ear caused by Sasya’s mumbling, Sasya clung tightly to his neck and shoulders.cfd7cf78cbd5ec3d

His body, which 28a8a918cb had been upside c13d0b2585 down, had somehow 099bee7a9a slid forward and 94ab808342 ended up in 1a638ec944 a position where 8da4f0ef1f he was being eb474f4753 held face-to-face like 0aad69ec7c a baby.5b9fb6e8ac9263ec

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Feeling warm and comfortable, a9fc4af9b0 Sasya nuzzled against his 8b55521c3a warm, dry neck, rubbing 9b5adf63e4 his eyes against it.a7c075fd8b42e4bc

“Am I not heavy…?”ea476552014944e4

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“You’re light as a feather. 100 pounds, you say? I could probably devour that much meat in a week.”dc47eccbeb324e8e

In his hazy mind, Sasya thought Karel’s jokes were difficult to understand. Then suddenly, imagining Karel dissecting and devouring him with a knife, he shuddered.ad5b0a84c6917989

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Whether it was his imagination or not, the path to the hotel lobby seemed unfamiliar. And it wasn’t Sasya’s imagination. Instead of using the private door guarded by Michael, Karel went down to the basement through the bar’s entrance. Then he took the elevator connected from the basement to the 23rd floor, and switched to the elevator that connected to the penthouse.f20ee7394ea919bc

Not understanding why he 507b6e919d was taking this troublesome 540b386354 route to his nest, abd9339c12 Sasya just thought he 762828ee20 was happy to be d2e6f3abee held by Karel for 5fa123379c longer.132352679a54cb2a

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“We’re here.”9f241f4281ed7068

When the 43bdb6755b warm halogen 47e3f54256 light of 0deaefe353 the entrance 06c5139a5a hall touched b30ee2b66e his eyelids, cdc2350a38 Karel whispered.54b9f44435c8707c

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Even without him saying so, Sasya could tell by the sound of the door closing as soon as he entered. Afraid that he would put him down, Sasya clung more tightly to Karel’s neck.044fc87a86851425

Seeming to understand his gesture of not wanting to let go, Karel kept holding Sasya while removing the boy’s worn Converse shoes one by one. After taking off the dirty Converse that had been worn all over the streets, he carefully placed them at the entrance and headed to the living room.224fde9cce054665

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Then, holding Sasya 7eba75a958 with one arm e9e592d51b and showing no 3229223182 sign of strain, 5a029d9ed5 he spread out 1c28ee186d the bedding where 72ae270269 Sasya always slept, d672a73395 patting it down.fae6ee97c0cb3142

“Now it’s time to sleep.”81de45d04e69cbd3

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“…”50347d676ae6ffe2

“You’ve cried, had a massage, and drunk alcohol, so you should fall asleep quickly tonight.”5fe631e91bcba28b

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“…”0273e53c6d0347a5

“Ah, you might feel a bit sore after getting a massage. It’s nothing strange, so if your body starts to ache, loosen your muscles with warm water.”1687e15c72d35225

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He’s such a kind 6b4f754290 sponsor.0932212a1a312bea

Sasya rubbed his forehead against Karel’s neck. He was 32. He had lived exactly twice as long as Sasya had lived. It would have been stranger if someone like him hadn’t had any past lovers. It was natural and obvious, and yet…e28b78ddee47781c

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But as soon as that thought crossed his mind, Sasya’s heart rate suddenly increased. It was due to an overwhelming sense of jealousy, but Sasya didn’t understand why he suddenly felt short of breath.2f06da4f8a70c3cf

At the same time, Karel, who was supporting Sasya’s back with his hand, noticed the violent heartbeat resonating through the small body. He asked with a puzzled expression.6b93b01dc6fd7125

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“Why is your heart suddenly beating so fast?”dd3c25cbf0470cad

“I’m angry…”c9ccd32992d1e0b4

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“You don’t dbfdd88abf have tachycardia, b2d23fef57 do you?”3ddee7b952ba32c7

Karel touched Sasya’s fluttering chest with his fingertips. Not knowing what tachycardia was and finding his touch annoying, Sasya swatted his arm away.bffcf07ebd5aabe7

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“It’s unfair that I’m the only one drunk.”b24f21dd7e145d00

Karel just chuckled at Sasya’s grumbling.bc85844958fd839e

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“Hurry up and drink more… Get drunk too.”9de5aca4102d3932

“What are you planning to do by getting me drunk too?”a281fce68ad5b67a

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“Then we’ll be embarrassed together.”e9716b9640b89047

“I see you’re aware that your current drunken behavior is embarrassing?”6e64ad3647fd090a

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While scolding him, Karel slightly pinched and wiggled Sasya’s nose. Sasya, afraid that Karel would find him annoying and push him away, clung to him again.9e87986e16bec108

However, far from pushing him away, Karel just gently patted Sasya’s thin back. It seemed he intended to do this until Sasya fell asleep.37c5e811620f8f9f

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Feeling a bit 1e7c938079 more at ease, 43d0e6c648 Sasya comfortably leaned ce45ec30f7 into his embrace.d4716eda54b0381a

“Will you hold me tighter?”da854a087a3f38e1

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“…”b90810211bb26292

“Even my mother hasn’t held me like this. Not since I was a very small baby… But my brother would hold me sometimes. When he held me tight enough for our hearts to touch, it felt so warm and tingly, and I loved it.”b321c52b87edbd53

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“It seems what my sponsored student needs right now isn’t a home or money… but affection.”9a23723c8de0adac

At those words, Sasya 372c2de876 nodded slightly.aa6f0fec64bdfd66

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Usually, he would have denied it out of embarrassment, but today for some reason, he just wanted to agree. He wanted to act childish. Perhaps it was because the more he threw tantrums and the more troublesome he became, the more he came to completely trust his sponsor who remained kind and patted his back. The belief that he wouldn’t abandon him…3f3e286a4074a7fb

“I wish you would stay and sleep, Mr. Clements.”74addf7d2a491f98

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“…”de7840b569a13580

“I want to sleep while being held like this.”ae423405f9ea8100

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Instead of answering, Karel slowly stroked Sasya’s head. He only muttered, “Why did you suddenly change from Karel to Mr. Clements?”6665a08c9c061186

A large hand adaa7ce268 gently touched the 896cf65b41 back of his c3e00b75ab head. As the careful eaff04d1e0 touch stroked his 00b849078a head, parting the adb4fad9a4 thin hair and b60a4ea9dc cradling his small 779be39e0b skull, Sasya squirmed dda9802917 a little. He wanted to bbef437558 cling to him 76082ac4f7 more and more.dd56fc718cb16612

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“Your birthday is next month, right?”dbda2fe3f73e06d1

Instead of answering, Karel asked a question instead. Sasya nodded and completely wrapped his legs around the waist of the annoying Karel who wouldn’t give a clear answer about staying over. His slim, long legs hidden in jogger pants firmly squeezed Karel’s waist. Karel’s hand that had been stroking Sasya’s head hesitated. Sasya, unbothered, pressed his waist against Karel’s stomach as if trying to stick to it.b6b31627a16d72fb

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At the same f1ecd4d0a9 time, Sasya congratulated ce61311b72 himself on having b0ae9883fc a good idea. This way, even b3601155c2 if Karel tried c61b782999 to leave this 4d9becf0d9 room, he would e4234f2de6 have to take 5d44ab679d Sasya with him.f2b5fa5e1254f04f

“…Tell me… what birthday present you’d like.”0f4341fe7a081073

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At his f6bdce72c8 question, Sasya 711321a3ee recalled the d1ad2caec4 things he e7a494955a wished for.3a8f53cde1231e54

Enough time for a vacation and money for his mother to come stay in New York without worry, submitting at least a video test for this year’s Lausanne Competition, and a future where after winning the competition, countless ballet companies would be eyeing him, allowing him to choose and join whichever company he wanted…5b69ee7bfe4d908d

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But more than ec370ee142 anything else.2883e36e99a39cfd

“I want Karel to live here.”85cb512090319917

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“…”a5193e814f2a132b

“It wouldn’t even cost any money…”b3881b5ff598be1b

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“…”ffe715ca4569108d

“Right? I won’t ask for much. I’m not a greedy kid… But I don’t want just a birthday card. No, a card is fine too. But I’ve already received that…”9ee50a52be998f00

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Sasya said 6e87d5b4c4 this while d9be63d466 pulling Karel 6f38fc7fb4 closer with 362dd5f72b force from 28eaaed688 his side. He could only e54d429794 feel the rhythmic ee9613c650 patting on his cee7362eaf back. Sasya resented Karel for 648334899b trying to put him ac5dd0f950 to sleep without answering.640ffea52c1d2271

And shortly after, Sasya tried to force his heavily closing eyes open but soon drifted off to sleep. His arms that had been tightly holding Karel’s neck fell limp. Karel carefully lifted the sleeping boy and laid him on the bed.43b813913285653a

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“Good night.”2e5e218bf8fdc774

After a brief kiss a0fd02289c on his forehead, the 9d9cf93a7f living room lights went d34c68a7a3 out.e944db5e5a509fcb

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• **

When he 1595b5d9b4 opened his f3ef689121 eyes the 63eb28340b next day, 215f96847e Karel was 67ce4a02a9 gone.29c10eb815a5ace8

He must have put him to sleep and escaped in the meantime to his ‘own home’ that he loved so much. To his real home that Sasya didn’t even know where it was. Feeling somehow wronged, Sasya rolled around restlessly on the bed.643e5de69c0179d6

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“Oh…”f2e52decb1c08fa1

However, at the end of his fist that had been beating the blanket, Sasya felt the texture of something rustling. It didn’t take long to realize it was a note Karel had left behind.e73cff75ef818fb7

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“Wow…”51c1711a816914de

Sasya gently stroked b2ad3bf3b9 the paper where 60970285bb he could feel 251c903430 the pressure of c97f22f893 the pen. The note with the 0c5218359e hotel logo printed on 8001d9cd31 it had been indeed 083cd95701 placed on the living f7b836acc2 room table. After rolling around 5742ac1fba on the bed bad66e6388 for a while, 7fe0427720 basking in happiness, b82b5c49e1 Sasya jumped up fb8a8d1b2a and went to 24221c97a1 the bathroom. He splashed ea601c1ff1 water everywhere 60e80ee6ef on the e91ffe8453 sink as 2ad366a047 he washed 83fbe6447f his face 79698812df aggressively. Before going to 0ab6062f5e school, he downed 0827cfac16 a glass of 34714770e7 kale and apple b5643c44d0 juice and practically 5b5e04209f inhaled an omelet.9b2b9d6cc134935f

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Just because Karel had kept his promise, energy surged through his entire body. It felt like he couldn’t handle this energy without running. While trying to calm his thumping heart with deep breaths, Sasya put on clothes that smelled of fabric softener. As soon as he slipped his feet into worn canvas sneakers, Sasya headed outside. Even inside the elevator, he anxiously jogged in place, completely ignoring Michael, who greeted him with a morning hello. His black hair swung lively as he ran.5812b6fd5f7bfd39

Sasya ran all the 86d2095e95 way to Lincoln Center 7899d4611a without stopping. He passed countless c5e1abd9bf men in fancy b1c5af68b8 suits and rushed dfe620ab4f past a celebrity 762495cc8b who was just 95d6633a11 leaving his hotel 4513f2bd44 surrounded by paparazzi. As he got 736c75f150 closer to Lincoln d904095a90 Center, the surroundings 74e1b7df24 became quieter, and 77e20c0602 as he headed 5ce88ef20c deeper toward the b890124571 school building, he 8d7b63a3b9 started seeing his 528b5ba313 classmates here and 02e33f6242 there.e43da97ec64d42bc

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“Sasya Shchedrin!”064918def599ca71

Hearing someone calling 10cbb45e95 him from somewhere, b25750a5ba Sasya barely managed 0281c94a68 to stop right 71f77fbba6 in front of 1200df8b77 the stairs. As he grabbed 55ef5bd5b0 the stair railing fab4b6ed09 while panting, his 2fbf9561ae breath finally came 9be62aae50 out as if aac7cf2dc7 he was about 02e8ebf271 to cough up 27ca8337c3 his heart. While he was coughing 1d9e9a4fbc repeatedly, Oksana came running 3261fd9a1a lightly.30842faf2fb94777

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「What’s going on so early in the morning? Did you catch a lung disease?」f81093e1b6851d6c

「What are 3f6b6fdd40 you talking 5e71a5da14 about? I just ran.」e12804ada3fc5663

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Sasya answered quickly fd99cbcc46 while frowning. He could e1be62c200 see José bfbc983930 passing by afe63896a0 in the cb65def50f distance, glancing 8fe588e21f this way. He had 5a69c179d0 a rather 9de761cb42 wary expression.133d6e67eb350e88

‘Was José interested in Oksana too?’5f3144d886e66e35

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While thinking that, 0a7c3ba284 Oksana led Sasya 9099ac2174 to the back 9cf4befc57 of the building. Upon arriving, he realized 36a80bf5ef it was where they 6ae6145f55 had discussed their ‘first abdaf0e858 kiss date’ recently. Sasya suddenly d0cb93102c rummaged through dabac2eace his bag 29db967def and took 1459ae8657 out the a6e77fbb7b new phone, 53ba19001d still neatly 62f261983b packed in 45f10733a5 its box. When he turned it 0150692de7 on, the date and 04df3a9333 time immediately caught his fbb5c3e80f eye. There was 9ed2de255d still some b69c902700 time left 5d558e1f41 until morning 8c69415d8d class.f6579d19640994a5

「It’s new?」2854d3ee70042510

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Thinking he must have been distracted by the new phone while having a girl right in front of him, Oksana’s eyes turned sharp. Sasya was nodding when he asked as if suddenly remembering something.fc452b91e5103cbc

「Oksana, what 850def1598 do you a4c3582bfc think about 1b621e0a08 fair relationships?」4e982ce2f8b347ff

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「Fair relationships?」3cb8cfdbba6cd286

「You said last time that you were ‘concerned’ because I hadn’t kissed before. If we were to kiss, it would be your first kiss and my first kiss too… But what would you think if I had already kissed someone else? Would that be better for you? Or would it be unfair? Is it better for kisses to be fair?」a4a88122f7ebc095

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Sasya asked while rambling. Oksana openly frowned and made a face showing she didn’t understand.879b295d5dff74bf

「What does that matter? It’s not like I really like you anyway.」3adb7345dfe92a17

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「…Yeah…」24ed5f20a8af092b

That seemed to make d6f09e3eff sense too. Sasya awkwardly touched 430846775e the back of b06f9c7aab his head.f916c815096df3b0

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「But why a944d88947 are you ea6e37a35d suddenly saying a72aa5ba8d this? Did someone tell you 6f9ba38210 something like that?」ed517da8d44c003f

「Yeah. Yesterday they said that… since they’ve already had his first kiss, they wouldn’t mind if I kissed someone else too. That it would be fair…」eac002e035b76e5f

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「What? Do you 827da1ce8e have a 87fe5ae6be girlfriend?」650f4b88f0fc37d1

Sasya shook his head 8d6d68a4eb in surprise.fb857bd0d32c37db

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「You’re ‘deceiving’ me when you have a girl who talks to you like that?」19390dedb3e74836

「It’s not a girl! And not my girlfriend either!」1e0ff39e331862a3

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When Oksana suddenly became fierce, Sasya shook his head several times while panicking. Seeing Sasya flustering, Oksana quickly calmed down. Sasya watched Oksana’s reaction carefully, thinking it was fortunate.84868176b14e49c5

「So someone who’s not even dating you is saying things like that? That’s a ‘push and pull’ technique… It seems like they’re playing with you.」f2334c7b94016bd7

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「What? That can’t be…」8f06f66a3fe26793

「Think about it if you have a brain. They’re raising their own value by talking like that. The goal is to make you desperate.」ff7fbb59ad8d8875

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「Why would they bca8597e02 want to make f5d9022da0 me desperate?」527974d7e7729cc7

「Because they want to 15d4989a31 hear you say you ae9a418c61 like them first.」541ff90b9c5a68fa

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「Really…?」3ef516ccf13531a1

Oksana’s words were logical, but Sasya found them hard to believe.793925606f1d3bd8

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Karel wasn’t a woman, and he had no reason to play ‘push and pull’ with him… Everything Oksana said felt unrealistic and like a wrong analogy.0b814852ca6ce6e0

“That person is an adult.”4badde8ed373086b

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At Sasya’s blurted words, Oksana’s eyes sparkled with interest. Sasya, who considered an ‘adult’ as a romantic interest, appeared somewhat different in her eyes. It seemed to explain why he didn’t mix well with his peers and was indifferent to childish pranks.371268fbea812f0c

「There’s no reason for them to play such games…」5e1fd52d8f4635c3

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「Why? You never 13123c23e0 know about b4556dc496 these things.」7184447c3a3a7a5a

「They’re over thirty.」ab31cc1990f7c673

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Oksana made a disgusted sound and muttered, ‘That’s practically a grandma!’d43dff609a3742f1

At those 91250d02da words, Sasya 60abe77d9d became dejected, 6eec6fb354 and naturally, 17a892d227 silence fell 2cc1a7a576 between the 6dd3b554ae two. He came to his 2d28c86cc3 senses when he realized 9e532b5cad there were only 7 0550e9422b minutes left until morning 264bd67064 class. Vadim would 859629b8b8 already be a6ebd354e6 prowling around ac61675c5f the practice 2250753d06 room, checking 31c4d8887e with eagle 5bef99d8b1 eyes the bd2d05e6d2 students who a5a3596f94 were stretching.2593a02f6c15b7d4

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“We’re late!”a96148af79fd6259

Oksana ran straight to the practice room, while Sasya, who hadn’t even put on his tights yet, hurriedly went into the locker room.56896b1a62690c3f

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Fortunately, he managed to get to the practice room right on time and find his spot. While avoiding Vadim’s sharp gaze that pierced his face, Sasya quietly stood in the remaining space.10479d5166164afe

“Now, plié. Demi plié, demi plié, repeat twice. And grand plié deeply… Up, stretch forward…”b22d2c10f744c9d0

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While Vadim was reciting 9c27bd6861 the plié sequence, Sasya 1cf16b4484 fell into thought again.c815eeeff9812469

Oksana’s speculation still felt unrealistic. However, one small change was blooming in Sasya’s heart.e746244dd92c082f

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He kept remembering Karel’s firm body that he had touched under the influence of alcohol last night, and the sensation of his dry yet warm neck. The way he had patted him to sleep with his large, heavy hands, and how he had gently pressed and massaged his ears and neck…74995e32b3ecca11

“Other side!”b7505991478112f6

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At Vadim’s words, Sasya mechanically did a sostenu turn, and his cheeks were flushed pink.a6481c155ae21257

• **

All day e37a40c88d long, Sasya 707672d8be was unusually 96f79d1d16 preoccupied with 755d2f435c one thought. Of course, Sasya, 557bdf15bc at sixteen, was 78a2c1b103 always full of 55ce7b6a3e worries. Concerns about 7321654204 his current 2620eede82 skill level, d9a8c4dd55 whether he daebff3138 could become 4999ce3806 a dancer fb65b57f19 who could 8ea8e88067 earn enough 023dd9fc72 to support d1a89fba9f himself in 33c824cbd1 the future—those 60cc58b51e were the a987341c6a usual ones.87bd4d63bfc08265

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However, the cc1b12e160 thought that dd48bbd0e8 captured Sasya 861d3a72f8 today was 4cf50339dc somewhat different 65626c015c from his 1ec6d80bf3 recent worries.0e6917482e9a9f4b

It was about a8e092b3e1 his relationship with 9faf486ca5 a specific person.19f66e2fd5907635

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He wondered 2653030eaf what kind 99653eefea of existence 2c33071887 he was 5f43cae8dd to Karel c9eb0c92a7 Clements.34320e31c360d7c4

As far as Sasya was aware, this was his first experience like this outside of family. A very long time ago, Sasya had wondered what kind of existence he was to his father. He wanted to know why his father, who would hurl verbal abuse at his youngest son like ‘burden,’ ‘food waste,’ and ‘defective failure’ hated him so much. Much later, after learning that having him had been unplanned, he could somewhat understand that hatred.09e4a38a3e7c5479

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He had 82fefa5b04 also wondered 808349d2de how his be3cf4b89b mother thought f43accb7d9 of him. When Sasya would chatter 2470b6c027 about what had happened 36763f215b to him that day, c6099f7d85 his mother Galina would 2345702be4 show no reaction with e7b79e1dbb an indifferent and tired 8e30dfc44f expression. Naturally, Sasya became less ca8f6a3f03 talkative, and like the 8f1d09fc46 classmates who ostracized him a683e191a2 for being annoying, he 4c2ec727bd thought she also found d1764ea2b8 him bothersome.54ec95c6970c8a9e

However, his mother couldn’t stand by anymore watching Sasya being abused by his father and went through with divorcing him. So at least she must value him more than his father did, Sasya had reached that conclusion.955c9d9d8bbdbcc6

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For a while, Sasya thought a lot about what he meant to his brother Levin, who had run away from home unable to endure his father’s violence anymore. His brother had said he loved him. He told him that he cherished him more than anything in the world and hoped Sasya wouldn’t inherit the pain he had experienced.7c5941ac03fdf16d

The day before a417d6abc2 leaving home, his 433cb73c59 brother bought Sasya, 5afeb57bbc who had just ffe42f6bd7 turned ten, a 5d04702a37 bag of cookies 72db677b07 and hugged him d124202dcc so tightly that 5c4d37a638 his fragile chest d3eec58b89 almost crushed. At that e1c4d90dd8 time, his 8cbfaece76 brother was 49b8122c4c crying silently. Sasya could e73a7cd7a1 only tell 8c651852d8 because his fb6349fab0 shoulder felt 61bc5f213c hot and 99eb5b33dd damp.cdf903b68eb08e7e

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And the next day, 58e6d78188 his brother left, leaving c443c3a957 behind Sasya, who had 2483bc444e fallen asleep inside his f95cd7f6e7 bundled blanket after eating dcb953166b cookies, trying not to 6fd07dfb80 get caught by his a31d905d33 parents, with cookie crumbs 878ebd6aa9 scattered around.197894b07bd3e200

And he never came eddbbdead4 back.df9a5871a0f97f90

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Sasya still wondered. How much did his 0a516a64b8 brother love him? Was there at least da1ec0297d as much affection as 4fcbb454ff a bag of cookies? Did he think 1ec1dcc951 he could abandon 5520397dd7 Sasya if it f7be58e968 meant he could cd1a3a6138 escape that hell 82ae1829f9 forever?60fd24f8bcec410b

Anyway, Karel was 033cd321fe the first person e06bac5609 outside of his 2d3ecc3e60 family that made 37016a2736 Sasya contemplate how bac8b213a4 someone else thought 0495886be8 about him.d8fe0c3dff9ac951

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Even while getting his food in the cafeteria where theater staff ate lunch, surrounded by much taller adults, Sasya was lost in thought. Someone sitting across from him might have asked to eat together, but Sasya didn’t respond, absent-mindedly moving his spoon.10b7264f402797c4

It was the same during regular classes. Although Sasya wasn’t interested in studying, he always watched the blackboard intently. He sat straight with his ballet-trained posture, always observing the teacher. Above all, he liked the sound of chalk writing on the blackboard, and found it fascinating how teachers could talk almost non-stop for 50 minutes.6abebb7377cd1e5d

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However, that day, he couldn’t even tell what he had been looking at. Even though his eyes were open, all he could see was Karel’s face.e50ae18d7c63aa94

After finishing a0cdd163d4 the last 8bbd463098 class of 2eece9568e the afternoon, 0f56e2f005 Character Dance, b9ac045c9c Sasya walked a6b38dd446 out into e16888cf5e the noisy 1b03c63c22 hallway. Much slower ff96752021 than the 69d7492ac8 other students 9653a623e7 who were af757c209b heading to 87d178130c the dormitory 5b929caf0c in groups b61e9f0785 or going 61c0f8cd57 out for 7c1152b185 dinner.e04581afe736caa0

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With his hands in 41244d4ba5 his stretched-out pockets, he 2d93a15e3e left school and headed d6ad5342f2 toward the plaza. Water fountains were beautifully 22f14c69e8 shooting up in Lincoln 8274d1b4ec Center Plaza as the 6d0871dd71 sunset approached.7a0cb36fba73fad0

‘I need time alone.’eebc33a4fdd03660

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Lost in thought, Sasya 0b631de51d crossed beyond Lincoln Center 1d12fc2f0f and headed into Central e5c14bf7a7 Park. For some reason, today 77eb7bed5a he wanted to sit 1f025bba6b and look at the 1d0c720321 lake.859ee213c8b391f4

However, that plan ultimately failed. Even after multiple visits, Sasya still hadn’t learned the geography of Central Park’s interior and ended up just walking wherever his feet took him, never reaching the large lake. Sasya was only wandering around the southernmost path of the park on the map. In the end, all Sasya found was a small pond where a few ducks were swimming.bffa310ed1ef78d2

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Unable to find 21de3b4649 peace on the 4e55ae49f6 paths crowded with ebb12875a3 pedestrians and tourists, e0cfd51d35 Sasya gave up 0428ee0581 looking for the 1185b4b8df lake and climbed e129c07913 onto a large 786a4dc63e rock. Lying against the b27b6095d3 rock that had 45c140a304 been warmed by 082dbb5846 the sun during 3e15c9a866 the day made 6175c274b7 him drowsy.28bb249d658f3014

In his view 1c8185da7c were the tall a91aca4589 buildings that lined 85c901cb3a Central Park like 7e30e767fb a fence, looking 38c6dcaa61 down at the dae090b2f6 park. Among them, d70c5b3da0 he could 0387a9ff95 see the cc3014119f window of bf586375e7 the hotel b458cb510a where he 5e41b1343a was staying.ae1f861af6414a0b

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With sleepy eyes, 4a8726b0c0 Sasya looked up c04382fe0d at the top b820b24e3b floor of the feda9fba0c hotel, searching for 1538c43489 the familiar window. Indeed, he 71b7b4884a could see 62965dac92 the window e5b482bc03 where the 271d5f293d ballet barre ebea3588c7 was faintly f6e5b2737b visible. Originally, it would 403095fb62 have been difficult 46e4a54b11 to notice the db58182a01 barre, but he e2cd400763 could spot it 47fdf52d57 because he knew f2b7578c26 what to look 0fc011fa75 for.f72228f3648a14ae

Just as Sasya’s heart was warming to the thought that there was at least one space for him in this strange land…279e246022b318a9

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“Uh…”e18fd2b3fa6cde6f

Sasya suddenly sat up straight. If he wasn’t mistaken, something was faintly moving by the window. The strap of his sports bag that had been resting on his shoulder fell to the ground.7d5b9ce79cfdad4d

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Who’s that?1679d753709fc0b2

I don’t have the private lesson with Ms. Brown today.779d08c280c8ef19

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Although he had been planning to go home as late as possible because he didn’t want to be alone, if someone was there, that changed things. Sasya quickly jumped down from the rock while fixing his fallen bag strap. As Sasya slid down the rock like a squirrel and finally landed with a thump on the grass, the impact shot through his feet. If he hadn’t instinctively bent his knees in a plié, the shock would have traveled up to his spine.1773c976ac3cccfa

Bouncing back 99a0b40ddb up like 1decef4263 a high-performance 69fb969b45 spring, Sasya a8dc086301 quickly escaped 71dcf75629 through the fa402b1491 Central Park 1ad7974635 exit toward f43d60d360 Fifth Avenue.f1b5e40ae390750e

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Once he entered 3997239aef the familiar path 8145b72ac2 from Fifth Avenue, 6bbdc4ac77 the hotel was a49bd278e7 right there. Passing by c4cb0c7ff1 the doorman 9a03459217 who automatically ac718a68de opened the 41245d8c84 door, Sasya 38ad63d25b headed to 3f7e25d7f9 the private 486c06eb57 door where ca0e50f92f Michael was 9e75100cb6 waiting as c9a6a5361f usual. The elevator happened b3bbe9e258 to be on c3c1df0b38 the first floor, 27bb202fe5 so Sasya pressed 7b9af9a7b8 the button right ece6cb2c0d away.60a131525ae04ad8

“The elevator might be a bit messy, but it’ll be cleaned up soon. Don’t be surprised.”79622f7b099c3223

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“The elevator?”9e67d1e19d83e600

Michael showed his white 1b50348b22 teeth in a grin. At the same 248ac33513 time, the elevator 91136a12ff doors opened.0b91cc4bf3a9a502

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As Sasya 3e986a4190 stepped inside, 41faaf9979 he discovered 82f4c59f0a that all 89669692b5 four walls 3aad59f4dd of the c14a09451a elevator were 17a1d5b913 covered with 76a69afb9b blue cushions 9eb10077cd to prevent a80dc76833 friction.8f910e6f5974d705

Sasya’s heart pounded with a premonition, though he couldn’t exactly tell why.4ced3e1680d6aeb6

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Then, as soon as he reached the floor where Sasya’s room was, the doors opened with a chime. Sasya noticed that the corridor he entered was also covered with dark gray non-woven fabric. Deliberately stepping on the fabric, Sasya approached the door and held up his key card.6deb94590f480194

With a small c391cce5ce noise, the door 329630645f unlocked. Sasya pulled 0512f02b12 the handle 3c06f7c3a1 and opened 24b7d86dc0 the door.94098e9d42815bcb

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“Mr. Cle…ments.”b6cba700656a77c7

The door closed 6abb3ef804 silently behind the 44f4105bb7 dazed Sasya. In the middle of 862e26862c the living room, which 0ac01ec380 looked quite different from e469025b69 when he had left 3bd2c97c66 that morning, stood Karel.b976833ffefd4fc2

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“Karel.”947a3355e18ca5af

At Sasya’s call, Karel turned around. Wearing a light gray three-piece suit that matched well with his blonde hair, Karel turned to look at him with his hands in his pockets. Although there were several workers and George beside him, Sasya could only see Karel.a98101e95c1ecfd6

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“Welcome back. You’re early today.”c4b305c5e076e7a1

Even such an ec68f5e8b0 ordinary greeting made fd29568fbe his heart flutter. Sasya hastily kicked 1ece664527 off his shoes 035842f6d7 and ran to 89eb7ba7d8 him in bare 2e2e4e1851 feet, not even 15d6b3633a putting on slippers.533fb4d20bf58605

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As Sasya ran across the living room, he thought about wanting to jump up and hang onto Karel’s neck. Then, just like last night, Karel would catch him without even swaying and hold him tight. He wanted to act spoiled with him to his heart’s content. Even then, Karel wouldn’t mock him for acting like a child.a168d0e7f92dcf4b

However, for some unknown reason, Sasya’s steps slowed as he approached the middle of the living room, his heart shrinking. It was because some reason had kicked in once the effects of alcohol had worn off.dbaa192a5f7af4fb

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Moreover, by the b2e15d81e1 time he stopped 2e7278edfc in front of 5b770b6f50 Karel, his legs d65df9fea4 were practically trembling.b082f40d47c337f6

“I didn’t know you’d be here.”71056abf940ae1f1

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Sasya awkwardly covered b361e3c2bd his cracking voice 9a37e20827 with a fake 64816e9b9e cough. Karel turned 0ea364d02b toward the 49dfe80e2e living room 2c267a4744 with a c4e068bb7d faint smile, 1db02dd572 as if 8f9fb9a379 suggesting Sasya d03171dd88 should check d14d12ce12 it out.12ae378001790a6e

“You must have gotten used to the arrangement, I’m sorry. I made some changes.”eaf63281a2a135b7

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“I don’t mind.”10ad15e6359f3931

Where Sasya’s nest had been, made from bundled blankets, there was now a large queen-size bed positioned to have a good view. There was an antique-style lamp within reach to illuminate the surroundings, and even a movable table that could be pushed away or pulled close to the bed for having breakfast while sitting.142e88aa668d2c9b

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And around it were various items whose purposes Sasya couldn’t identify: a large golden trumpet, electronic devices that looked like he belonged in the 90s, and dark wooden boxes scattered here and there.eac45023679ac422

No way, 2e3ee1d5ae no way!f842f4288cd0b9f4

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Sasya’s heart pounded heavily. Sasya pressed his hand firmly against his chest. His heart was beating irregularly with what might be called tachycardia or whatever it was.323acd8642aca08a

“I was planning to move in when I had some free time, but the dates weren’t working out. Today I moved some things in, but I’ll actually move in about a week from now. …Oh, why that expression?”b498a31c82384f5f

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“Karel.”11cd848abec467a9

Sasya called 853b570246 his name, 38e4c4493d panting. Not crying 487ccd06ac was the 23a6d51c6e maximum emotional 27c36a51b1 control Sasya 1697a3a460 could manage.bf4427f058b39ec9

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Then he trudged over and clung to Karel’s waist, hugging him tightly.2b65bd82a75352c1

“Thank you for the birthday present.”7f78431b0cf04fbd

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As Sasya pressed his forehead against him, his fine hair scattered messily against Karel’s shirt front. Instead of hugging Sasya back, Karel casually ran his hand through the much shorter boy’s hair and replied.b6693046e9e41a32

“I thought I was the only one who remembered since you didn’t look too good.”dc3a85ece720f7fe

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“No, no…”dfe9410ce6da64f6

“You were drunk back then.”ff5a3ed0de038b64

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“No. I remember everything. But I’ll never drink alcohol again, ever.”8b21857ff628e06a

Karel just laughed at Sasya’s mumbling.9aca122944b6f0f6

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At that moment, 98fa17bfb0 George, who had bcc3e236fa been helping arrange b76926fbbf things with the 1fcf182f56 workers, came close 7b269246a6 and asked.eb159ac470797515

“Where should we put the phonograph?”3059c4f24fac23b6

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“Over there by the table would be good.”0cf6a3df37813c35

“Should we put it right against the table? Or leave some space?”59d009b16004c008

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At George’s question, Karel gently shook off Sasya and headed in that direction.695ffe7053c63122

“Since it has a beautiful shape and it’s decorative, let’s place it a bit away from the corner so it’s visible, but not right in the corner.”946ad0a35ec025d9

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Feeling sulky c1e25ff331 that the 19037c9132 phonograph or 9c120ae990 whatever seemed 76cf2c367f more important e76dc44d64 than hugging 6a6550acbe him, Sasya d77f13360e watched the 7c542ae77b direction Karel 0b5145086f had walked.a6f369fc7fdd04d8

“Will you actually c5ed6eab89 use it? If you want to e6d2e53d7a play it, we’ll need 456cc31f8d to call someone to 2c3cb42031 set it up.”bdbd83ea5696d48e

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“Hmm. Let’s do a2c0261c05 that tomorrow.”8d31e7234e70d2bc

Following carefully behind Karel, Sasya realized that what he had seen earlier as a huge golden trumpet was called a ‘phonograph.’ Karel had great interest in old things and owned many curious items. Although it was a machine Sasya didn’t even know how to use, thinking that it was something Karel cared enough about to bring when moving made him somewhat interested too. He thought he might try touching it a bit when Karel wasn’t around.03609ba19d7423f7

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The workers and George 7cb293ec1a left after the sun 15a8b77afb had completely set. Sasya held his ef2ccf0658 anxious heart, worried a2b4af1924 that Karel might a3a608e465 leave with them.80a4cf06a173b5f5

However, fortunately, Karel ca599e145d seemed to be b7485d7409 planning to stay 374d598884 for dinner.9db655072e56f17a

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“Sit down.”82fb7b65558fa9af

With one phone 37ab228c8b call from Karel, d99b163a18 a luxurious dinner 08827476e8 was sent up 3f3557e039 within 30 minutes. It was completely different 06eeeac046 from the meals Sasya ae6df68939 usually ordered, rotating through 688598f590 the room service menu.8b9d1baef9994cdc

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There was a simple 098daba0de herring dish braised in 1ce3d88de1 olive oil with fennel, f1646b7be3 sautéed scallops with broccoli, 78460c333c and tender, juicy lamb db205f0f64 chops. In front 94c69b18f9 of wide-eyed deb82b085c Sasya, Karel 93419d1890 spread plenty 0a61d143b7 of quality fe4ab94167 cream cheese 6ec2d3e230 on lightly a4ddb17a2d toasted rye 246c8e3b11 bread as b0e8c89636 an appetizer 69eea7232b and offered c2889d7430 it to 1262d7a50b him.22e735ac974031d9

“Ah, it tastes even better with this on top.”923ffae3e44e267b

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Just as Sasya was about to bite into the bread with cream cheese with an ‘ahh,’ a cherry tomato slightly pickled in vinegar suddenly rolled into his open mouth. Karel had timed it perfectly to roll it into Sasya’s open mouth.56b79d6588c5eaf8

When he chewed 85492a9d2d the food Karel 835af36031 had pushed in b39d9c4b11 before he could 3e6e234dff stop him, the 72ec4b79a2 fresh cherry tomato d86b2978be burst in his 940eb90101 mouth. It was 367e5776eb a harmonious 7532ba8501 taste he a56f246db4 had never f4a6f131de experienced before.4b04454de691df13

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Sasya answered while edc6eee556 chewing,41828d098bcc6de7

“It’s delicious. Really delicious.”edd72ca4c6f8a85e

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Karel, who had been watching Sasya munching on the bread, ate his own bread with cherry tomato in the same way. Thinking that they were eating the same food in the same way made warmth quickly fill Sasya’s heart.8e18b5440a97d911

What kind of 4cc4885347 existence am I 3f13c7ee2f to Karel?ac30eb8e7d3f0c27

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Am I someone he 71d029fac4 wants to teach how 0d86492a84 to eat delicious food?6346ffd78020fb54

Someone he’d willingly give a birthday present to if asked?3c1eb7d38d1db518

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What if, by 17eddadf59 any chance, I 28a6104c37 made an incredibly 71d8a9c29a difficult request?ccb5f4132126360f

Would he then 4b07705a2d find me annoying 470514dd4b and bothersome and 8be84fa369 brush me off 514dfc8333 like dust?e7257ba558a0c4ab

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In Sasya’s heart, there coexisted the desire to test what kind of existence he was to Karel and the reluctance to take such a risk. The question he had been pondering all day since hearing Oksana’s words surfaced again.2e7541e95088776b

Having Karel in front of him while trying to think about him, Sasya couldn’t take his eyes off Karel even while eating. He was so focused on Karel while eating with his gaze fixed on him, the area around Sasya’s plate was once again surrounded with spilled food.97e1842c1062c980

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In contrast, Karel ate cleanly with efficient movements, immediately wiping any trace of sauce from his lips with a napkin. When Sasya unconsciously followed suit and wiped his lips with a napkin, he was shocked to see how dirty his napkin had become compared to Karel’s, and hid it on his lap.2cb501e07329b302

“Uhm, Mr. Clements?”da6dfd978e151114

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Suddenly wanting to be formal, Sasya called him respectfully. Unconsciously, he wanted to imitate adults’ proper dates.ab33c1db7452f232

“Yes?”c5aa6531e617c7d9

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“When was your first kiss?”bedead539f24cf17

“Hmm…”5a901791ef1a2f33

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At Sasya’s question, Karel put down his utensils and stroked his chin. Sasya’s heart started pounding heavily again.609abde0d18322d8

“Is this 796c536afa an exchange bb86b82be0 of information?”95219501596a2957

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“Eh?”1508989a27ada059

“You shared when you will have your first kiss with me so I thought… you meant you wanted me to tell you mine too.”7f7b0d50d30534e3

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Hearing it 28697cb1a2 put that 0523992f1a way made edc17d01bd sense, so c7c331b3d1 Sasya nodded f6676ba646 vigorously.10e4a38d04664678

“Unfortunately, I don’t remember.”758864593d5ac6b4

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“Really? I can’t believe it.”73d21d3420f141f8

“It was too long ago. I think I was about your age now.”6bd225a120e009c4

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“How can you not remember?”f58a5f0bb796e909

“Hmm… Perhaps because I didn’t attach much significance to it.”253f52a7b5aa61a3

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“Wow…”bdec637ef8256d3a

Sasya felt ab93af985d deep respect 4aefc097a5 for him, 465868e948 finding him 23a171270a very adult-like ea411e7a8d for having 9e66c89f0b casually gotten 48c5e75456 his first 206ccb5b97 kiss over 0b60c6944e with. Then Sasya cfc135b46f asked another f0e4ec6b10 thing he 147185cf35 was curious b40dcd3c2c about. Somehow, it e50844e08e felt like e9c0fcffb2 today he 0f1610d58b might answer c20a69055c many things.49940d5b2ca84ef2

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“What kind of person do you like, Karel?”fdd29cb815ef610b

“What do you mean?”4f6956062d569f51

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“You know, people you’re attracted to. Like feeling sexual desire… or wanting to kiss.”63df0673dbb785da

Wanting to a77580cfa7 act as de56897dad adult as 65546fe00c Karel, Sasya 2e8c97d14e imitated the 419c64c351 words that 589d2e486e José always 179b8d0581 used. José would cf2e94a728 always talk 5d1a34cc17 loudly about 695f3db650 how the f6c7e56a79 brain and ede0aa6a35 lower body 37ba61050a were separate f6524a047e things, going cc75dc1883 on about e68a1fb4db sexual desire. While the girls ade183a8b6 would frown at 356f3d8e15 this, Karel would 87939c0460 understand since he d162b5bb58 was a man.79d1deda180dcde7

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“Sexual desire?”12b9f61bfd41c47b

Karel made a subtle f3847f75b8 expression and crossed his 7765c45c7a arms. His biceps bulged 6ae6aeffd9 slightly as he b566acb336 let out a d116573989 soft sigh.3c065cfe1fa1147d

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“Everyone knows it, so I suppose there’s no need to hide it.”545760d57f5d0646

Karel muttered that, d8b3762e48 then continued,849eedbe6ed98822

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“Black hair, white skin. And someone who is physically trained.”205669daa5ee3c81

Listening carefully and unconsciously b75a175352 nodding with an ‘Ah…’ 891cf6b9fe Sasya suddenly realized something.b4df85146029d6c9

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“Like me?”3e6f67106895eebe

Perhaps the 0a037081d6 question was 96265b18e6 too hasty. Karel remained 35d4e74fd5 silent instead 499012ded3 of answering. Feeling a bit embarrassed, c29b77fcba Sasya fiddled with his 5373b5e430 hair.00f52900565f2c08

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“Just that I thought I was somewhat similar…”624ae0a7a33ed93b

“I like mature people.”aeaea59b83a14795

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Karel drew a sharp 644d8715b9 line.adb70fe82e1abc37

“Mature… mature?”56ad9680f6e4e0e1

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Sasya looked at 39b9a957f5 Karel while rolling 497ea3b36f that word around a18e3a37b3 in his mouth.c4fec8e1d8aac79b

Even though it was 61cfcd0470 a word he knew 0e30b7aedf well, its exact meaning 8b90c6335f didn’t quite register. Figuring out the aa85d558e8 precise definition of 1322759a12 words had always 290eafd375 been difficult for ef5b31c9cd Sasya. Even when speaking his 357bd0a97a native language, Sasya had 6dabe0cb05 a pitiful vocabulary, often 44a225a167 communicating with just around daa4a315c8 500 words.d51af0a6a411a6d4

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Karel smoothly continued, f01e71b0c2 as if to d61ab1e674 help with understanding 39ead8d8b8 a little,7507c2f4211ab9d8

“Yes. Mature, someone who knows his own charm well, has confidence that comes from having a firm position… like a finished piece of craftsmanship… I like that kind of person.”f09d9ea15583b57b

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“Craftsmanship?”a540acc083baea91

Vadim had said that 4953f3ce39 being a dancer was 8ec0f83327 a profession of crafting dcd443494c the raw stone of e3eb79e546 the human body into 69cbcdf41c a jewel. He had also said e1c5e8bb2b that the essence of 0157b9ce37 ballet was obsessing until a3e5f66007 the end about what 6b60cd1411 lines your body creates. Then perhaps 4ff0b98987 there might ab173e557a be some 94faf25790 possibility for 29dbc16eab himself, being 448f9e4e13 a ballet ac95d351f7 dancer.89d1f3564801c988

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Touching his ear, Sasya 7b6dfd69c1 asked again:ff336c55013ae6c4

“What about… you said you like physically trained people? Why did that drop out?”b32406113d282ad2

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At Sasya’s question, Karel shrugged.45d37485fd80eb02

“That’s not a preference, it’s a requirement.”db2735d3a83cee12

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“Why?”e38173a97a836952

“Because that’s what it takes to endure.”bf40b0a67f281aef

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“…?”234cfc1d04f4fb8c

Filled with 097f83aa58 questions, Sasya 1576063cd0 lowered his 6ec0915192 gaze back 01ae6a0804 to his cf0170b31f plate.698543baa43ff4bd

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One thing was clear: the ‘maturity’ Karel defined was a word far removed from himself. Sasya’s jaw gradually slowed as he mechanically chewed his food with round eyes.06cb82755f568e97

“Sixteen, huh. Right, that’s the age when you’re curious about such things.”596808a469a516af

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Saying this, Karel indirectly generalized and packaged Sasya’s unique, somewhat rude way of speaking. Feeling a faint sense of his considerate yet not-so-considerate care, Sasya grew sulky. Instinctively, he felt Karel was trying to block having deeper conversations.2ca3cb2e4f0c81e4

“Is that so? Yes… I guess so. José talks about this kind of thing all day.”468bfccb99a7b68e

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“Right. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anytime. Think of it as asking your ‘big brother.'”85cf5b3f9dc2067b

“Yes…”a80101b193587fc2

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“I suppose it’s better than satisfying curiosity in strange ways.”e1a19c14d6096388

Also, the moment Karel positioned himself as a ‘big brother,’ Sasya felt the conversation became uninteresting for some reason.f10997bf6c99232f

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Having lost interest in this topic, Sasya tried to recall the recent context of how they’d arrived at this conversation. Though it might have been a misunderstanding, Karel seemed to give answers that slightly missed the point of what was asked. The most obvious example was when Sasya asked about sexual desire, and Karel somehow smoothly transformed it into a discussion about ideal types.ff0c1fa64f452cfb

While Sasya was lost c7a567568d in thought, Karel pushed 6652e0bfa0 back his chair and 98c903b258 left the table.953f13cdbb97fb60

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Had he already finished c8f8a7a8cb dinner? For someone 0f8442e603 who claimed 205c5c1ed0 he could b7de0db298 devour 100 1fe58e3f20 pounds of 63b74917c1 meat in ee84f52580 a week, c1de48f739 he seemed 728a2289ba to have ff67c65d1f an unusually a71ca31095 small appetite.49eba998f6e35e6a

Looking at 62421fcbb1 the still-warm bbc71e6bb0 food left 661d29abdf abundantly on 4df991bf46 the table, 34c77de33e Sasya thought 95c23a81a6 he might 5978a3e6d0 have talked 30fed297dd too much. Having few friends dc363906aa might be because 778fe79527 he talked too ae6f4484b9 much during meals, 6f85efddea making others tired, 4031cb2de1 or making conversations f7230a2b13 awkward with out 0f6d65140c of place topics.4f963b55f56ed5b9

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He had always been careful about this… but around Karel, he got excited. Bad habits kept emerging. Feeling disgusted with himself, Sasya put down his dinner spoon while keeping even his breathing quiet.e0c929ae64b9d082

“Why are you finishing dinner already? Are you full?”7e25fc3c409e0ac4

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Karel returned 03ff4fee85 with a aa19411789 dark green f3508e0de4 wine bottle 182320c403 in his 434852bb0f hand, looking 233b991086 completely natural.a4930caa0918900a

“Are… are you going to drink?”21ce4968776b35f3

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“I think sparkling wine would go well with the food.”b3c2f50f7f7ab7e9

Saying this, Karel sat back down and poured wine into an elegant glass. The dark green bottle resembled Karel’s eye color in darkness, and the clear pale yellow liquid in the glass was the same color as the light that bloomed in his iris when sunlight hit it. Small bubbles boiled along the bottle before settling. Sasya unconsciously swallowed his saliva.4b97e18f502be039

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“Will you continue eating?”6d5653f1baa2bcdc

“Of course. I haven’t even started.”271f56a3a4440366

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“I’m not finished either.”c2e19b9cb1bc01d9

Sasya gripped his 586d1b9ac3 spoon again with 1ff09f9d2a renewed fighting spirit.5d43b07d16163605

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Just having f002400478 Karel sit 1ed3297bce across from 75ea6f63d1 him again ec431b7f85 energized Sasya, 5e134282ea who took 407ed4413f a big 8036108f81 bite of b0978d2208 the herring. This was a fish e679a6a975 he often ate in 959d7950e7 his homeland, but the 94b942e30e luxurious texture without any a114c06057 small bones was surprising. Meanwhile, Karel dd0a90b548 cut up 1c2ff0a28a a large b4f3d813e8 piece of 3d34a54e5c lamb chop a045e7757e and offered 0c8421ef34 the carefully 7b404a3eba deboned meat fcc2a06115 to Sasya.c54fa77803f5e171

“You need to consume lots of good protein. That’s how you improve your muscle quality.”40d31fad08c7e667

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“Muscle quality?”c5d2c6e97def3217

“I mean the quality of muscles. The strength to extend is important for dancers, isn’t it?”5d12969508cdadbc

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“Wow. How do you know so much? Thank you for being so thoughtful.”d893e970b952cc00

“This much investment is nothing for a future outstanding dancer.”542e7e3ee47a7c13

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Karel took a sip 591cd44145 of wine with a 8612e1f085 smiling eyes.432a39379064aa94

And during dinner, Karel 87577e0c41 finished the entire bottle 50d78c7344 of wine by himself. Without offering even e2c3e7475d a single glass 47a96be431 to Sasya.049dc1a4409c598d

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• **

That day, Karel said he would stay over, which made Sasya jump with joy. But then, Karel immediately added that he would use the master bedroom, not just today but also after he fully moved in, which immediately crushed Sasya’s mood.63974f8cb479e28d

Sasya cautiously a9d822cd97 tried to a7cd1dff43 reason with 68369cc7cd him.6ba03ceb6f57d669

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“The bed in the living room is very big too.”d6eea47ae7a26150

“Yes. I ordered a big bed so you could sleep comfortably.”9f8d3689972e17af

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But Karel was a 1e138e00da man with absolutely no 966f7ca9c3 openings when it came d8ccf506cc to logical attacks.b2e68d7809cd6dd2

Sasya wished there a8fcbc8669 would be thunder e780cfa375 and lightning right b60a9a68f7 now. Then he d5cd96acd7 could sneak b85d63482f into his e27b0026c2 bed, saying 35f67040b4 he was e04b3966a9 too scared 646c75260c to sleep 835f456edf because of f77763ab05 the rain ac565484b7 sounds and 3496227e2a sky-splitting lightning. Even Sasya 63cb510384 needed that 457e4dd094 level of 3ccee99291 excuse when bd7e06a74d not drunk.f77316870dfac55e

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Whether aware of Sasya’s thoughts or not, Karel looked around the hotel room once and pointed to one of the bathrooms.6d37a9733cd6b6b2

“I’ll use that bathroom. Would that be inconvenient?”865348147e2c2c66

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Karel’s posture was slightly tilted as he held a neatly folded white towel, preparing to wash up.c4ac8aa91a24905b

“…Use whichever you like.”59c88863fca87675

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“It might be troublesome if it overlaps with where you usually go.”d0192eb91dd2af72

“It’s fine. I use anywhere, so you can use anywhere too, Karel.”789c9046006bff18

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As if 0374f60432 trying to c34280b210 soothe the 8e1c73f934 somehow sulky c1c3a5d9a2 Sasya, Karel 3d89bcaf3f gently stroked 90d6aa4884 his head a85936ba6b once more f4ba9621dc before heading 3d966a858c to the 4cea30554e bathroom. Sasya shook his head 26de570427 while watching his back. His straight, fbbda917d7 flowing hair 34565b18ea fell softly 3078899f2e along his de5f2b7fb1 round head.e98797550cd3acbb

And Karel entered the bathroom within Sasya’s sight without removing a single piece of clothing, keeping even his buttons fully fastened. It was a rigid appearance complete with a vest.74bbb6625c323d19

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Sasya, who had secretly been curious about seeing a fully matured adult’s naked body, became dejected. He had been a bit curious about Karel’s naked body, which had muscles thicker and larger than those of dancers comparable to boxers. He wondered if the skin hidden under clothes was smooth like the exposed parts, and if his body hair was also golden.79f92f506a31948b

‘But since we’ll be living together, there will be plenty of opportunities anytime.’18f60acd9d479063

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While having such brazen 73f303c108 thoughts, Sasya repeatedly walked e57c4d4cff from one end of ad00aefd16 the living room to 499e25e4c0 the other.6af82f95899ab78c

Then one idea occurred ca95209289 to Sasya.580c8bc2852f2513

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Just before, Karel’s walk to the bathroom was slow and somewhat unstable. Moreover, his eyelids covering kind eyes seemed slightly reddened, and his eyes appeared bloodshot. This must be because he drank an entire bottle of wine during dinner earlier.c773a4ac4a187d72

Sasya walked to the 2b072172a1 cellar as if entranced 8a416243a3 and brought out another d27240d92b bottle of wine. He was curious about d043a6b652 what would happen if 3571ad7995 Karel drank more.020ef745b37cd6b1

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Simultaneously, a scene Sasya had unintentionally witnessed shortly after arriving here unfolded in his mind. A black-haired man with skin as pale as a vampire’s. That thief who had emptied Karel’s wallet while saying ‘jackpot’ had whispered ‘darling’ into the drunk and sleeping Karel’s ear.829c9cdff1e6390c

If he hadn’t stopped him then, what would have happened after…? Sasya couldn’t contain his curiosity. That man surely met Karel’s criteria for ‘arousing sexual desire.’ Was he physically fit? Although he wasn’t certain about that, he was definitely tall and appeared sturdy.e64d3764829d389d

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Imagining two adult men embracing made Sasya’s body strangely tremble, so he went to his new bed in the living room and curled up. Come to think of it, his lower half had become stiff at some point, making it uncomfortable to walk.e063c4ef19841c47

After a 7c8762ba55 while, Karel 07b61ab51c came out e02dea2595 of the ea20aaecfa bathroom and 5d3a6fe863 found Sasya b1f8c77720 already lying 4ceab09a40 in bed f50deb8d54 covered with a7c9ae50be a blanket.eab323d52afa4f32

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“Going to sleep already?”29ace703bbdfcbf1

“Mm… not really, but kind of.”b941b095fb695554

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Mumbling a response, Sasya watched Karel walk toward the phonograph. Indeed, Karel’s steps were slower than usual. Moreover, his ears and nape seemed slightly flushed red. It must be from the remaining alcohol effects combined with the warm water.f530223ec1b0eae6

“Have you never seen one of these?”93898af788ec7e8c

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Sasya just d97a9e1233 nodded silently f175294d53 in response. The blanket made a 33edb4070e rustling sound instead.a65cc4319402b536

“It’s a machine that can play music. Quite high-end. In the past, listening to music with this was all the entertainment they had, if you can imagine how limited their options were.”a39446cc53b042b6

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“Does it make sound?”04d8565a740e8e9f

“It needs to be set up.”8cc9d06b652ad738

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“Is it expensive?”8d97f43e5600abfb

“It’s hard to put a price on it. If someone wants it, they might pay a very high price, but to those who don’t need it, it’s just junk.”51fb5e12b8549f07

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“Did you buy it at a high price, Karel?”bd72c6966770ade9

“I inherited it.”c424fb6303836d73

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At his tone suggesting he got it for free, Sasya stared at him intently. Despite that implication, Karel was caressing the phonograph’s mechanism with quite affectionate hands.a4905af22c79268b

“Someday when this item’s real owner appears, I’ll gladly hand it over.”78fab470ec6dbd30

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After making this puzzling 405a485b60 statement, Karel headed toward 67fe587bf5 the sofa where Sasya 76329cd97e was lying. As always, 0f052cb982 it seemed ba33e13ee4 he would 756e38324c do some 0fe7f23951 light work 6860680f1d or pass b7aa20296a time until cb0330a85a Sasya fell 52ee340685 asleep.09c8aa4685c154d1

And Karel, wearing 4d973e4737 a robe and 56648d421a sitting on the 0f92c825b3 sofa, soon discovered 595a1a77b1 the bottle placed 3048322fbe side by side 2d0e6e7280 on the side 2cf15209cf table.d61b9374d28e2dec

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“Did you put this here?”c9639da4a7dc191d

“Yes…”5806693ac10cef43

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Sasya blushed. While Karel f16edece23 was washing 28dcf1c792 up, he 2811682152 had placed 1f334f82f5 a bottle 92cd67b14e of wine 6c0cb7a3b6 and a c0cb14c50b glass on d4bb910ee5 the side 6c61452673 table next 54dfdd0d9f to the 1cbea0a2cd sofa. It was similar to ab6b808d9d the wine Karel had d4b2a32643 emptied earlier.655a48d9d4c48660

“I’ve never asked you to be my secretary… Where did this come from?”36bd934d27a4e21c

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“There are many in that small refrigerator.”8dcbfc18f4223dc1

Sasya raised himself slightly ebebac34e9 and pointed to the ab1bdd22fe wine cellar. Karel examined the newly 77df5bd59e taken bottle front and 648dac0410 back, then smiled slightly.346c1020ca68eee3

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“Like leaving a cat to watch the fish shop.”019c563625ba76fe

“…?”90c7ee35e0582057

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“It seems you intend to taste some alcohol.”6a69bc800a255d0c

“…”09220760339e205e

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“Am I wrong?”7141e2623caef112

To Karel’s question, Sasya boldly refuted.1f9e6568f5d281af

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“No? That wasn’t my intention at all. I absolutely didn’t have such thoughts. Just… I wanted Karel to drink it.”ad809aaf9c8becfd

“…”ca91f41f6ef375a4

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“Please have lots of delicious things. And sleep well.”7660ca22f6314f73

Karel observed the wine 08963e88ff bottle, and after realizing 7659fa7c96 it could be opened 99ca922923 by hand, lightly twisted 33b8a2be58 off the cap. Then he did something 19c36449d9 that startled Sasya. He brought fe095a628d the bottle 7e3b986053 directly to 3cf8015cc3 his lips 42fd1f45b0 without a 55a94be4c6 glass and 59ce28fbdb tilted his bb7099b85b head back 7c1c9169e2 to taste 4c42695a93 it.8ff52e8853338b4a

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The distinctly masculine thick Adam’s apple moved prominently along the smooth neckline. Sasya was easily captivated by that movement.8daf48ae2ab495c2

“…Mr. Clements, you drunkard.”24828f0a2f77f2b5

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At Sasya’s words, Karel furrowed his brow. Sasya shrank a bit but believed Karel’s expression was due to the wine’s aftertaste rather than because of him.d6f2f1c39b3a22b0

“What exactly are you 6bef833597 planning to do while d1ca2a4076 I’m asleep?”9d8401f88af7b67f

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Saying this, Karel strode over to the bed. Then he flicked Sasya’s chubby cheek with one finger and pulled the blanket up to cover Sasya’s completely stiffened neck.641a904e9b1b6a8b

“Good night.”41128919e323a2f4

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Sasya quietly looked dad46c0356 up at Karel 077a88ea4f while hiding his 7e09ef1f93 pounding heart under a7c5b60320 the cozy blanket. Karel, who was about a17b0a2a43 to turn his back 7450a1b342 and leave the bedside, e440c8efc4 seemed to read that 05f76ddcec gaze and gently turned b702d60d85 back to Sasya.7fc31ffb24ab8440

Sasya desperately, very desperately 473b493859 wished he would give 0fa1894b7f him a goodnight kiss.6a98cea1516b658d

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And as a78fb9aa2f if their bd43e812ba minds were a62704b69f connected, Karel 7f0d786a72 came closer 93985d676a and bent e0bd93da5c down.7cd98a53b906d4e8

He brushed 90b210c40d aside the 326ab1a853 disheveled hair 5f731e1dbc on his 2af9f43d6a forehead with 4ffc1219a6 his hot fb49a9e14f palm and 9ac9a4a1fa pressed down 8f672c8640 with dry 817d9e0ae6 lips.6484572def0bd198

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This time, Sasya didn’t close his eyes. He wanted to observe his face up close.7594d6c47d19b3a8

If there was something new he learned when his lips touched his forehead, it was that Karel doesn’t close his eyes when giving goodnight kisses.2232f99525c5e823

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His deep 9bf4025d8f green eyes, 32a040ef8a so close, 97e06117a5 seemed to cb4c669ea3 swallow the 5de12877ee darkness of 2211317f46 the night, 048bd8fc4e with faint 198c5cd4c6 amber streaks 4db0fb8b69 shimmering in 4a01ec9386 his irises.2a378a5e1abffbf7

Feeling as if f714cac3db those eyes were 4ad4c2a73f piercing through them, 4c18b47522 Sasya ended up 91482f44ab tightly closing his ef6c7a149b eyes.62cb3cb256710872

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“…Good night.”76d5cc7ca76866e6

Karel’s tightly closed voice followed, and his breath tickled Sasya’s forehead.90117875f863abe7

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“Karel.”98e14e23939c3cf3

Sasya impulsively raised himself and clung to Karel’s nape. Karel’s back muscles twitched, becoming more sharply defined as he supported Sasya’s weight.dde6d6845c75d7c7

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As Karel, who had to bend forward significantly because of Sasya clinging to him, supported himself by leaning his arms on the bed, Sasya squeezed Karel’s neck tighter like a baby monkey climbing an old tree. The tender flesh inside Sasya’s arms clung to Karel’s root-like firm nape.e02cdc35e856d26d

Then, Sasya traced Karel’s face with his lips, searching for his forehead. His small lips, which had brushed against Karel’s nose, easily found their place on his forehead.4eb00e8ff3e71f96

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After silently kissing his 7cb1400384 forehead, Sasya blurted out 0e5e077229 an excuse to Karel 0b04885cb0 who was staring at 3d63c9a25f them with an unreadable 261137b94a expression.0909b17bbc5d0861

“…This is a goodnight kiss.”54d3c983bbbcaacc

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“…”9746d857e3bbb181

“Good night, Karel.”2ac0c750c224c5fb

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Karel carefully supported Sasya’s back with his arms as he clung to his neck looking at him, and laid them down on the bed.57b9dfc04060a03a

Then just like before, he firmly tucked the fluffy blanket up to Sasya’s neck.1848a2f6165875c6

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‘I’m an adult. It’s been a very long time since I stopped receiving goodnight kisses.’42425cd4345ba1ab

It seemed as if 481c6f8a3a Karel whispered that.13a4e5c9c990abd2

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Of course, it was just Sasya’s delusion. Though he could have said something about Sasya’s sudden action, Karel returned to the sofa without a word.0f223632258ba03a

Sasya secretly watched Karel’s sitting figure until just before falling asleep. As Sasya had hoped, he completely emptied another bottle of wine in his seat. Sasya wished Karel would get completely drunk and collapse with a thud before even reaching the bed. If that happened, if things went that way…d59e3931f722e4c4

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While not even f87e715133 properly knowing what d0135d184d he wanted to 24857ff62e do with the bd658c5764 sleeping Karel, Sasya f32363814d blinked slowly. Unfortunately, drowsiness was 96cbe98ca8 washing over him, 65bc3b6717 and it seemed 6a049985ac he would fall 8ff9c6788f asleep before Karel 1e09cfdf8e today.eac932516767525d

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