UBC Ch12

The child who e7d9c2d8e4 arrived at daycare 3df8dd2601 the earliest and f7f76c5046 left around 7 eebf4096cd PM after attending dae8d4b869 the all-day program. That was Yang Ji-eon 5948d97dfe as a child. It was before 0372bdaea1 her widowed mother 80181d8a36 sought out her 7bf560b7a5 aunt.aea3f5180646e6c4

My mother, who would often collapse and fall asleep after coming home at 2 AM, was only concerned with sending me to daycare and picking me up. She believed that daycare would take care of meals and snacks, and that cleanliness, clothing, and basic manners were the tutor’s responsibility.9a3c9858c856439c

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However, contrary to my mother’s expectations, the homeroom tutor and the director, seeing the filthy state of the six-year-old child, mistreated and berated me, and the other children invariably excluded me from their games. One would think that a six-year-old would forget, but the memories of that time were as vivid as if they had happened yesterday. Good memories lack clear colors and brightness, but bad memories replay repeatedly, acquiring colors and brightness they never had.15c98dc08f4e364b

My unwashed, b7c8dfb730 greasy hair f612f544da was tangled f270abb1fa in clumps, b6eb5037a3 I wore 1d9e73da6b the same 589ea3f91e clothes I a772f55e52 had worn 3b36c089b9 the day cc185d3cd6 before yesterday, de3c831c5c and the 16a7808c51 kind tutor 1f09dedd49 who occasionally 8ec733e8e5 found time 5b99c1e41d to wash 25dd180aef me left. As the money-grubbing 8c0828b30a director took over 470ab80fc7 as homeroom tutor, 6fe41f9123 I was ultimately 85b5526308 neglected. The children 65bae116c6 who ostracized 1028293c23 me openly 85243764c9 called me ac5c9473c7 a beggar 95f8d48dfe and pinched 9f85165e00 me, and 4ae4235941 the atmosphere 6021ac44f3 was such 960d85be8e that it 240e1858db was simply 8e36e5be36 accepted.d3d575d21f73489b

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And around winter, fa0089e22f not long before 1059999560 Christmas, I met 15fd5a301b a benefactor. It was the dc9e909eed woman next door 48a9c97118 who had just aaef0b2a5f moved in. She happened to find 2b31be3177 me squatting by the 333c39f8f3 front door, playing with c34bfd238c ants. The woman, who had b3f9e54453 three daughters, was very e63e8f4d38 surprised and called me e0ae69c2ee over. After careful observation, the d9c71bda85 woman concluded,c7c8d3f1f3d42b06

“Dear, would you like to have dinner at our house?”5752ec096fa5b513

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On weekends when I didn’t go to daycare, I would practically starve. My mother’s warning not to follow strangers couldn’t overcome my hunger. Besides, the woman next door had a kind face.ab12fd2a68e8ccf4

I didn’t know what the woman was thinking when she took me in. She dropped the groceries she had just bought and took me to the bathroom to scrub away the grime. After drying me off, she gave me a floral dress that her daughters had worn and braided my hair like sheep’s horns. Seeing me laugh gleefully as my body and hair felt refreshed, she laughed along with me.04137c17ee70a1d2

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From that day on, with my mother’s permission, the woman took me to her house every evening. There, I learned the basics of being human. How spoons and forks were different, what to talk about during meals, how many times a day to wash, and so on. Because the couple ran a bakery, they baked chocolate cookies and cakes for Christmas and New Year’s. The kind-hearted couple lovingly cared for the snot-nosed kid next door without being asked. They cherished me like the youngest daughter, thinking of their three daughters in middle and high school.b82e3892ea18e959

Even at daycare, I was teased less often. Later, as the decision to move was made, my mother expressed her gratitude with tears. I remember the affectionate couple who hugged and comforted me as I cried, saying I didn’t want to ride in the moving truck. The little kid next door, the woman next door. Under the name of neighbors, they generously extended kindness, gave goodwill, and taught me the standards of the world.e0bea16f873c6d17

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Having acquired a sense 9f46b0339c of normalcy, I never eb42ecee10 went back to my 79a0dcddcc ugly duckling days. I would pester my 8a8ad190ae mother to wash my c7c4f81535 hair and go out, 09a221857b and I wore freshly 028ffae78b laundered clothes every day. Fortunately, around that time, 710aa33334 my aunt, who was fdb4ac01de skilled with her hands, f2f6add8b4 began to take care 3f4eda07b9 of me. My mother 5867a5e811 was shocked 22a22fb3cb by my 85884fa459 request to aa11a0560f have my ab3c9043f5 hair washed 0025b66716 and became 85b768dd1f particularly obsessed 179ac2cfd5 with living 3fb96d59d5 an average 14b96cfeea life.a5964e3e55801012

The reason I wanted to help Eui-joo as soon as I saw him was also due to the influence of the woman next door. And Eui-joo’s brother. Why did the man’s barbaric behavior make me feel sorry for him? Why did his life, which rejected my kindness and was criticized by others, bother me?52c584caa14a3ab3

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When I came to my senses, I felt ashamed. I wanted to change that man who was living without standards, just like I had in the past. An adult who knew everything, and I was even losing my temper with a man who didn’t want my help.9932daf5a1edf432

I puffed up my 7fb48dab70 shoulders like a savior. But I e50c4c3d5b was too a2b7162c2b narrow-minded and 578b8d14d6 had too c488da9a73 limited a 4f0b8dc4b5 perspective to 5ce676f023 live by 99c3345f62 extending kindness 72dc44fb5c like the c6093f06ad woman next 15993acf0b door. I was just 540399ceb2 a high school af0f940ee3 student who had 76e4cf3476 to memorize the 2ca8bc9fa0 solutions to math 2f6b48f0b3 problem number 30. That man, who at 6e9149fffb least earned his own a896f01319 living, probably knew the bfd3ad9a4d standards of the world 5f32ac133b better than I did.4d2a2e5abc8a01c8

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Turn off the meddling eeedd67a37 button.b06c9b8ee64b2538

Once I 415269e28b realized that 087b4678ff the interest b97061aa8d I had a56eff8c43 shown in 9cc5327af4 the man 5bd2e30110 was arrogance 3d3a5a1d18 and prejudice, e53eea2448 my mind ba827a1da4 calmed down 919a07184f at an 9bb360f587 astonishing rate.a7c4522e9227b813

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For several days after 8dee4b9579 that, no, almost a 0ead93fee1 week, I lived forgetting 79f09e3cd6 about the man. This was about two 7fffbf1efc weeks before the end 3bdd70440c of vacation. After I had devoured 899df5de56 thirteen workbooks, my mother f15a4b9a01 was the first to 2139d9539b tell me to go dc26230d14 out and get some b7f199556d fresh air.9bda197a59f8af61

I said I would, but then spent several more hours in my room. My mother was working a side job and hadn’t come home even though it was past 11:30 PM. Having grown accustomed to guarding the empty house, I sat with disheveled hair, previewing what I would study tomorrow.b00432cf5215d47e

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Ring, ring, why did the sound of the phone ringing feel so ominous? A chill ran down my spine, and I dropped my pen. As if self-harming, I imagined news of my mother’s car accident, an emergency room call. My mother was my only remaining family. I became weak, like a helpless child, and went out to the living room.87cf00e59f30145a

“…Hello.”9b0365cec52c8bea

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My mother’s tired voice flowed from the phone I held with trembling hands.af38a8bcd8eaef4b

— Yes, Ji-eon. It’s Mom.325ec218c1939750

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I swallowed 0d09bb2fb4 a sigh 26eb43c62b of relief c075e1abc2 that extended 7fb84bed5c below my c72ebd6848 navel. After apologizing for f5f66d5c5f leaving me alone, f56fa00ac9 my mother continued d493f04192 with her business.168b8f7cbb2dfaba

— Mom will be late today. I’m helping out at the factory and will sleep at a friend’s house and go straight to work from there. You still have enough side dishes, right?3c5a6a941ebced4d

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“Mhm.”32dc71858875b76e

I knew that my mother was working hard enough to break her back to move to an apartment in the city that was completed last year. I put aside my desire to complain and looked out the black window. I missed my aunt, whom I hadn’t visited once since having a fight with my mother. I didn’t want to be alone at home. How much did I dislike it that I even missed that man?3e040dc66b78c6ab

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Heavy rain of worry fell on my empty heart. To get rid of the emotions that were unnecessarily making me anxious, I hurriedly went out for a night walk. I was going to ride my bike around the neighborhood once. As I pedaled my bike at a time when the lights were off in the neighbors’ houses, I ate and drank the warm air.3caff52ff554e835

As my f83100df4c head cleared, f60f0af012 the complicated fd20888b59 thoughts were b86a3a3813 organized. I realized that 3671df381e my feelings for 4037c6dbf5 the Kang brothers 926e404fe8 were hypocritical, that 8347291529 I was just e96b93149f clumsily imitating the 615e660a8b woman next door, f49ef3aea9 and that I 4507b9a6ca needed a place f26801ea23 to escape from 4ae9699ecb my loneliness.32cd1366d4a2e7e3

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I might not become 70548841ff as attractive a woman f6bb002377 as my mother or 048f81f631 aunt think. Would a fe14f3d786 life of 917c8422e5 opening a 625b3874f2 beautiful flower 4f7ab39989 shop next f28f18ddb1 to a 2d678f918b cafe, a 81b0b0aaf8 life where 6ba798e1cd I look 6f990e81b6 forward to e5167c1ff0 tomorrow, really a9a0d6c11c be mine?ee4417dea343b6b8

Perhaps I should work for a large company with a large schedule, as my mother says. As I imagined such an uninspiring future in my head, I turned onto the green rice paddy road. I was just passing by Eui-joo’s alley without deviating from my usual walking route. The man’s house, where he used to turn on the porch light even at 4 PM, was dark. The man went out often, but he still slept at home every night. I had noticed that he left the lights on even when he slept. Experiencing him compulsively changing all the light bulbs, I thought he must be afraid of the night.c1dfe9cfb20e5447

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Just like me.61c44eaa484e252b

After staring at the direction of the blue gate for a moment, I soon shook my head. That man was not the six-year-old Yang Ji-eon who needed help. It was a sickness to identify with him even though I knew it wasn’t true. A sickness of trying to cover up the wounds of childhood with hypocritical service.cf653fe5a48081a7

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“Stop meddling.”5603cfd92738ba5b

I said to myself as if making a vow, but the force pressing down on the pedals slowed. It was because I was seized by a premonition that I should check on the man’s house once.433f3c89d9ed140c

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“Ha…”871941fe59a17226

If my mother hadn’t happened to sleep at her friend’s house, if my aunt had let go of her resentment and contacted me, if I had wanted to fall asleep early that day, if the man had left the lights on as usual, I probably wouldn’t have headed to the man’s house with my bike.f3ffc0609a7f390c

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I was only planning to see how he was doing. I got off so that the sound of the wheels wouldn’t be heard and entered the alley. I was tiptoeing and looking over the white wall. There was one person lying on the porch with his arms spread out, and another person by the water faucet.5f232fd9f2d9ab1b

“Don’t be too disappointed. The old man cherishes you too much, so he’s jealous.”57ff0bae46183437

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“…..”37bd8597fb304837

“Originally, younger brothers are supposed to yield in these matters. Eui-tae, you don’t know because you don’t have a brother.”9ff7b7cba783c98d

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A man with many curves and a plump figure threw the cigarette he was smoking into the water faucet and walked towards the gate. Surprised, I quickly sat down and leaned my back against the wall. Fortunately, the man’s guest spat phlegm as soon as he came out of the gate and went to the opposite side of the road.e36e7193600a6394

My heart was pounding as I watched the rough gait of the person wearing a black suit. He didn’t seem like an ordinary person. After the sound of his footsteps completely disappeared, I put my hand on the wall again.a75c148e04ed9966

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The man was lying motionless as if he were dead. Maybe he was asleep. It’s time to stop meddling before my illness gets worse. It’s also strange that the person who sprinkled water came secretly to worry about him. I thought it was enough to see that he was alive and was about to let go of my tiptoes.c26c39ebfce92a8a

“Kang Eui-joo.”51c2871c71bc8baa

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