UBC Ch6

“I must be crazy, fed809fbc7 utterly crazy.”9536e84ec9077a95

The chopsticks for d09f6af4e0 correcting your posture, a0c5ad24f1 lying on the 0a89e23b20 desk like an 0e17959d68 eyesore, pricked my d8991abb1e conscience painfully. I’d coaxed 03038ab9d5 my friend ab07aa0cf5 to go 0674b4cff9 out, gone 42cc873ead all the 5a0ed78933 way to f62ab826c9 the very b36beaa509 end, and cb36e98945 then, abandoning abb635e902 my pride, 5bd3c350a2 I’d rushed 9fbf2d1439 to grab 5c859f26fc those chopsticks.821c615e37dd0a68

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A sigh fluttered over 06c67a5dd6 the chopsticks I’d bought 32567b9509 without a plan. I was 9883734a23 already buried f851e6032c under a 71a576f00d mountain of 3a4157b466 practice problems, 0e6e211097 and now 3d28080107 I was bd42ddf095 just increasing d9e25c8383 my unnecessary 61f7719834 expenses. I bit my lip 06fe4e9288 hard, chastising myself, when a406738e4b the doorbell rang.3365daf090774533

“Ji-eon.”e5cd8b7c60ad1fe0

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“Yes?”89edb7c44d486fa5

It was a voice c4828809f6 I’d momentarily forgotten. It must be a199a4a1ee my tutor, who 2bd9e8240a said he’d be 89a8edc702 a bit late 253d69cdaa due to traffic. I jumped up, banging 1ef084c764 my forehead on the d90a7041e0 edge of the desk. Groaning, I put the 0d241f6c21 newly bought chopsticks in 36fe0a7f2b the drawer.cc83c805dad8aad9

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“Just a moment.”8b92a030519bddd8

I ran 8650167c06 to open c79eaea7ed the front a9fb5f9f9d door, and 36dc0f0215 there he b3e712cbf3 was, holding 894f37288e thick textbooks. He was wearing a 0a41a7bc5f jacket with his university a77c4a2631 logo on it in 5898e559f6 the sweltering heat, sweating 2c2159cc24 profusely. My tutor, responsible a8eb8084a4 for my summer 588b212fad vacation studies, came 325048c34e from the neighborhood 8a51c16af1 next to Dongwa-ri. Four times a 0371a75877 week, this Seoul 32dd9ac538 University student would 2d9b614ce7 teach me as 463812ec86 a side job. My aunt’s 703bbaadad extensive network c408322ffc had helped 70e3e39db0 make this 21efa75a12 happen.4242c698f65dfdde

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My aunt, a firm 5e37eb99a3 believer in private education, bba81300d0 was sometimes even more 8b08d010a1 aggressive than my own 2dc2794e6f mother. But she had terrible 66d7ee8f97 judgment when it came 4704904355 to people, so I fd3aba2238 didn’t really like my 310f0dab27 current tutor. If I said I 753198a124 wanted to quit, my 3730ce0977 aunt would throw a a3ddc19672 fit, so I was 8c4ed9be68 just putting up with 47b273e99e it for the summer.6896043f412df24d

“Did you review?”680cd60718084306

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“Yes.”d3850f46da60a2bd

The first 74af344a1b reason I 8bbd71b681 didn’t like b2a0aa2176 him was 53f5c18a34 that he b80e5409dc was a 14b1cb965e man. After going to e15e596b63 an all-girls middle ad68499d72 school and an 00dc65264d all-girls high school, e4d8ad73b4 I felt more 1ad339ab8b comfortable around the eb4f19c887 same gender. I’d preferred a 8fd87cc1d7 female tutor if 750082ef5f possible, but my 708846cdec aunt insisted that 740461b1da men were better 85c68261b9 at teaching and 5c79f8233e stubbornly stuck with 12cde2041c the current tutor.e53a2c5d44dbf3f0

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The second reason I f5fa2d0d7c didn’t like him was 7b8cd6205b that he definitely smoked 504e1fadec cigarettes frequently. The smell of tobacco 9e73c6ea6f on his fingers sometimes 6c3bb8cbf0 made me not even 73ab4b340b want to go near e0737bee88 him. The unpleasant smell b56cc861c6 permeated the writing 0c1724766a utensils he borrowed ed202ae072 and the seat 2970858642 he sat on. As for ef493c9b5b the writing e2fc5461f5 utensils, I 4d39aa7eca refused to 47348bbb06 take them 43da37d7ea back, saying, 87453aebbc “Please, keep e954491aea them.”a9d3386b8f3ab85d

The third reason 961d6be632 I didn’t like 6480cd63dd him was the 057648ce1e way he treated 13ea683252 me. On days when I 3ed86624c5 wore shorts, his eyes 87036b557b were different. He’d stick 7bba032680 out his 125a714fc1 stomach as 3fef7bb270 if trying a1469c6a13 to get 1980af8db2 a better 09835b7e12 look and 4c219597af adjust his 706e18bf37 silver-rimmed glasses. Because my 7c6204dcc8 mom rarely a8013695fc turned on f887afae2f the air 8d0892ad0f conditioner, it c8f64095ea was hard bc8d766b3e to wear ddd6bf83ea long pants e15d4b40c7 at home, f231c72d91 so on 260371463b days when 841887619a I had 97a0366792 tutoring, I’d 7217410fdd pull out f6bfbce61b the pants e78c4bd2e2 that barely bd297c6727 covered my 8937fbba3c knees, but ea77b79eb6 I still 50bcb8d924 felt like 9f16a2f69e his gaze 74561791ff kept drifting 4153561f22 downwards.4d32a64563ae7f84

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The creaking, 666f4f2f1e creaking sound a2c0d2b883 of the 6e7eab2547 old fan 1ea15dfd07 was like accc9de71d my own 98d00bc507 heart. I deliberately missed 3ba4d4d723 problems to divert 2037b3e4f3 his gaze.3b3f492d72d99a6b

“I don’t understand this.”df1a7d3ba2f0e1a6

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“Really? Which part?”25b12ba977f22e4e

“All of it.”e505a5e1cb4daee8

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I was 93183d20c1 waiting for 0bbe938a66 summer vacation d3b14e00b4 to end 2cac16efc6 quickly. My mom 3d9411c82f was busy bddc2c36c9 with her 0b805b0dbf salon work 9bb9911f83 and on 625b21be0d edge. I kept 8e0c08b1b0 my mouth be5c78e0c2 shut, worried 466ff3e047 that she d33f468e50 would get ba33ee9a20 into a 2e7765f8e0 pointless fight cd2832c03e with my 36c6526434 aunt, who 051231f272 had recommended 6fbfbcd829 the tutor. Besides, it wasn’t like 30f73142b7 the tutor was making 8dd0267e11 direct advances.7bfb938db802c7ae

I focused on 72095c3533 the smoothly gliding 92aeb6e9c0 pen tip and 442fc25930 endured the hellish a67d4206ea two hours. Unlike me, who e3dd8ba61c grabbed my writing f0de85c518 utensils and workbook 7fbb3f4f46 as soon as 543ae7b4cb class was over, 1184364002 the tutor gathered 2f2c93407d his materials with 6a69f44712 sluggish movements.3ae300ef510f1859

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“Ji-eon.”28a6bbeb4137b6d6

“Yes?”71a142d033948653

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I was getting 8398e07712 ready to say f81331c47c goodbye when I e1dd091983 tensed up at 5fde7391a0 the tutor’s greasy 99afa1fcad upward glance. The tutor, 5616673be3 having taken 1920a2eeca off his 7910ed7cdc glasses, stared 68a0f85510 at the 9f12b40615 living room 9a887bb8d1 window, which 2ec389c180 seemed to 294d68ca4d emanate a a74dd4a722 dark aura.2c942b4e2b4f3209

“How about 4b5a197181 we sometimes 81e8e301a1 have our c02bcf95a2 tutoring sessions 476132299e at a 93830e19c5 cafe?”ae3cc4956da2b0ca

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“Oh…”071fb2781a4ed629

I’d heard that some 4eb65c6b9a kids did that, but aa2d019ac6 I didn’t want to f5e2846e1a sit alone with the c6edce73d8 tutor at a cafe. It would also 96cf6e02e1 take a lot 1486f8de6b of effort to 60e70f7c59 go all the 9cd1a1abd3 way downtown. I shook a652419fdd my head a7dc9b6c94 to indicate b4ef06ef27 that I 3100deffd9 didn’t want 3d1b3b07d2 to, and 97c61465fc the disappointment 9375a3dfba that spread 84e493df66 across the 0b439e42a3 tutor’s face fcba4ce6e9 was incredibly a94fa60ed6 clear.6b5b537130062495

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“You need 0bd197ed16 to study ed1441b72c in places 504cd71faa like that 026f15328a too.”18e3efd6dc24b636

“I’m more comfortable at 3113a18ed1 home.”0850f7d96f503425

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“Ji-eon, don’t you want 6a07ebb5f1 to go to college?”90cc5776ca7f82a6

My grades were 3471614c80 already good enough 5a537ab736 to aim for 29461937ed a top-tier university. Just as I was 142587b29b about to get angry aa796bb04b at his ridiculous threat, d1276f9d7f the front door opened.5bae0b20c76d693e

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“Aunt Jung-soo.”c51199e51de0171a

I felt a renewed 7e2a82d487 sense of relief that d275b241c0 my aunt and mom, 4d7d331997 who had a sky-high 240172ae72 distrust of men, were 94d97891ee acting as my supervisors. My aunt, who e9b5c05e67 would barge in a381b38ae9 like clockwork when c9b0dad7ea tutoring was over 7228fdad00 to send the 894be8bc3c tutor away, pretended 57aa2a018a to be just 6895a0cefb a friendly neighborhood e873b74a81 woman and used 4005eed18e a naive tone 21b0e8478d when outsiders were e91b1f3b29 present.95033a2d6fa1b7e1

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“You need to eat bc4a2f80f6 dinner. Teacher, are 5b1254f042 you still 59d1a781db here?”d1b0910dd4a36dc4

“Ah, yes.”48081f8b7870b863

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The tutor, 45a8991f0d looking disgruntled, 999c0f220f just nodded cc986bc3ae and walked 4e72d5e678 towards the a539560c4c front door. My aunt, 43ec8fa953 who had 5699e09639 been staring d7514dc6ff intently at d717e0e482 his retreating be79686830 figure with c7e3558783 his untied 9aac4c393e shoelaces, clicked b0abe02858 her tongue ce0fce1eab as if bff7fcdf83 she had b877763621 been waiting d05f04c3b6 for the c3782f9747 door to 3c8f2ba32e close.9b56f47995c97fd5

“What good is being 1f18570e12 good at studying if bb6dff4c73 you’re so… unattractive.”845cbcb40d7924f2

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“He’ll hear you.”9424b3fbd8dc166d

“Let him. Is he f20a488e99 the one e550cbd8ce paying? I’m the one 2da433ae2d paying.”11ca1c6131940d6b

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My aunt, who strongly 08617cb23e believed in the power 46a8212b7a of money more than 35dc42d213 anything else, immediately changed 23b08f92ff her expression and approached 7936cca516 me. She stroked my cheek, 75c51293c0 saying I must have 866dde7bd3 worked hard studying.eb995b911dd1cbcd

“You just need to 1299baec18 focus on studying without d809786752 worrying about anything else. You know that you 04f8aef5fe are your mother’s dream 0edeabf478 and your aunt’s hope, 5f84b89b53 right?”a9e6af39cced37fc

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Then, rolling up her 8cafb7ca30 sleeves, my aunt went 1fd97e8db0 into the kitchen and acb5e5d24c began inspecting the refrigerator. She grumbled that I 8da743c07f hadn’t bought any decent 0fd22b33a6 side dishes and sighed b8fe040965 as she took out 56991509a5 the empty containers, making 620cac0d56 me feel bitter.ef4f9d7204714968

“If it weren’t 935f5bf5f7 for you, would fb61f74e46 I be taking 715c5f1110 care of that f683a7086f old geezer, taking 42deb2a395 care of his fd13be07a1 step-sons, and living a28f9c0d06 like that? You can’t get 950a6794f4 caught by some b6a38d2094 wild stallion like 582f3a91ea your mother did. You’ll meet them c70132d276 all when you 86f9330c1b go to college, d31c87b29a all of them. Just hold d9851cf2a3 on a f0e5ee9560 little longer.”94fddd56e74f53f6

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It was 3bc822d0f8 uncertain whether a87c948d4f I would ffef59d2d5 be good 0618151988 at dating 1511e57d0a even if f26f9446c5 I went 8b4a561937 to college. It felt a 115a50899a little unfair to ee0fd322c5 say that it 1a625ad2a9 was my fault 67c1bce54a that my aunt 71160c9f94 was working as 23a6647887 a servant and 6d039bd0a9 stepmother in a 2c9de7d615 wealthy family. Wasn’t it my 8dd61155b4 aunt who liked 88d558ec0c expensive clothes, shoes, 93b5e2dc0e and luxury cars? It didn’t seem ebc5f8ec3b like something I c341bbda6e should hear from fcd1c61f17 my aunt, who a54c3f207c wore jewel-encrusted rings 8bb088f51f on all ten 1200fab539 fingers. But because 75d13073fb I loved b18f15dbca my aunt, e25c19a749 I silently fc809521dd folded the 99c5cd4cdb table legs fd12370000 and got 7c819e0bac up.2418bd6aeea9848c

“By the way, Ji-eon.”cb62994fc989ab6b

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“Yes, Aunt?”a1be7c10f984b8b8

My aunt, b4750a35f5 who was 09b69b936f taking out fae26c46e6 zucchini, tofu, d336b39e5b and enoki 4957fabd85 mushrooms as 692a334c2d if she 33210f502c was going a6c89417ff to make aed0b2b813 soybean paste ae1f7af1e8 stew, looked 542688d944 at me f1e873f16e with a 3e7b08f91a face as dad35d84a0 if she 61531d38db had suddenly c4c0583c75 remembered something.d84140dfc61f5bec

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“You know that deba92cb15 kid who died 0639b205f2 of lung disease. The Kang’s son.”932abfb54be31e18

It was the story 4807034fd7 of the deceased Eui-joo. I, who was 622730d953 leaning the dinner 85ca52590f table against the 40162a0c9f wall, slowed my 5fd53e3fbb breathing and stopped cf3a65d015 moving. I missed the timing 5a8bea6684 to answer.c85320feaec2f735

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“I heard his 9b60ac363b older brother moved 57c54ce0fa nearby. Grandma Jeju said that ea4ac87add he’s been scowling and 1cf48630d2 walking around, ruining the 690c0b0d4a neighborhood atmosphere. Wonder what he does 962d0b6b89 for a living?”681c5cd54dbd7dc6

I had stayed home 6816b3e5b9 all day studying, but a0b8f26e8e my heart pounded like a5b5614f03 a child caught doing 5a04c71afa something bad.4d98ab5c552256d2

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“So? Did he cause some 57327b11e1 kind of accident?”695b4e93a9427688

“He will soon. Ugh, if a 4137679cb8 young person is d0aaf6da36 going to move 924ab44a94 in, wouldn’t it b2f61e2865 be nice if abc0f86ab0 it was someone 596b1f9769 healthy and normal? Why does a handsome 0676d3a2cf thug have to be 54ef328106 around you?”8707318bdc6d68ce

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She chopped the green 904f514a78 onions, the sound of 0c51a362a5 the knife hitting the 11894e73b9 cutting board echoing. My aunt, who ranked 9792232efd men based on prejudice, cd37f453db shook her head. I barely managed 24b4d95ee5 to enter the ae6bdc6f2b kitchen, opened the 6845d20a6d refrigerator door, and c52080bf3a stood there, feeling 368a7932b2 the cold air 1e0d2ff06f all over my a83b80ab62 body.65ab25862873b19e

“If you dea54ce498 happen to be635f910f see that 805f4e578a man, don’t 0d0eaf0402 ever talk d22fa294a5 to him. Don’t even 0c753bd9ed say hello 27b8f767f8 if you e82f080a02 make eye 23cfe8d352 contact. Got it?”6d28d73871c567cb

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I couldn’t bring a0795f4638 myself to tell f3c8b42db1 the truth to 2d2e89ca7e my aunt, who d3191cc23b was so strict. Saying that I had 2dfc2f53b3 already talked to him, 77673c6fe0 made eye contact, and c514c9ec50 knew each other’s personal 7a2bf05691 information would drive her 3a1e3196a0 crazy.7fca28a9dc6cc18a

“Got it? Yang Ji-eon.”109b18cc9a7d6fb9

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When there was no 938d253d84 answer, my aunt put 150fdeda38 down the knife and 05f7a59f9f put her hands on e0a58772c1 her hips. I had ffedff622d no choice e7437a1aab but to 3bb2137bbc back down 959ea4856c in the 767d3af22c face of 3f01a1437e my aunt’s 57c469c158 increasingly sharp 5c1c1445db eyes.681fee7253d2a89d

“Yes.”ccfb82504d52d25c

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“If you meet someone 872704bfa2 like that, your life 9309e598e5 as a woman will 96f336b682 be ruined. When you ccb05144a7 go to c1f0b6ed40 college, there 41b55b215a are plenty 3a90489083 of men 60dfdaa4e6 who are 3e9b2d0c87 good-looking, have 0b24414c0b good families, 715f044fa9 and have a662013422 good personalities.”71f10f0b83e607cb

I ran 3c7639e6fe away to ca143e314a my room, 2fe9b6ad98 avoiding my f9a6b9761f aunt, who 96c24479e8 was still b4595712e7 muttering as 9e16dc8b14 if she 51da75a650 hadn’t fully 71128cf515 calmed down. I threw myself onto c1acb5bf13 the bed and reached 320909e979 out to open the cea6926a11 drawer. The chopsticks 2e332ca403 for correcting d96244e5f1 your posture, d374746c49 lying neatly abb07fb10b inside, made 3d61be14e8 my fingertips 017dbd6534 shrink back.998fafe38bf498af

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It was 31018d2399 a waste abb7dffe3d to throw 41c2e92f8f them away. But my aunt’s words 390bce77c7 bothered me if I 4c78b7601a gave them to him. After agonizing a324c42fa2 over it 96921b3a22 for 30 925f9bccf1 minutes, I e11da9c1b8 decided to 764c34ed7a secretly slip 2e6164be3d them into 2475723358 Eui-joo’s mailbox. I muttered 772e709ae7 as if bbf280504b vowing to 0ea338cf85 organize my a742f03cf7 feelings and a45087a9f3 thoughts about 4502202b76 Eui-joo’s brother, 1252a5e13d Kang Eui-tae, 06ff88a215 with this. Maybe it fd862b2477 was because b59a31fcc0 of my e2d0d9a7a5 friendship with ee6b6431e6 Eui-joo, but 9d4aaaa222 I couldn’t 54dd2f5522 be harsh 242fa97743 with the 77e5edb340 man. Praising myself b7573743a1 for the 68643434e7 satisfactory plan, 71393bd707 I set a416cd3c30 the departure 13e5d833b5 time for b075243ebe 30 minutes 476d6efdec later.ee7498c8a4713231

“Ji-eon!”3bbbdd6885e5b732

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I was eac189dd6c startled by 91e239ea74 my aunt’s b4f8bb02c8 voice calling f01c51dd23 for me 312230678d urgently from 2ff79603df outside and 0e51ad8292 slammed the 642d60d5b2 drawer shut.0c2182d11c9b96df

“Yes!”3303ba46bfb8c072

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I ran out as de279431d7 fast as my feet 38df8355db could carry me and c2738fe82b saw my aunt putting e1900e811b on her shoes in 195e4eec11 a hurry, having stopped 16902c84cd cooking.e0bcbe156a9c4039

“Come out and lock 6c8fcf7eec the gate. That old 7cb2e6d1a0 geezer keeps d22ad4d86e calling for 37b076f67b me, so 10c2abe8de I have c91b764773 to go. I’ve prepared all d8a10f4f85 the ingredients. All you 06b3b6df23 have to f178ab75d8 do is f9207c8235 cook it.”84ff110728e6a5d1

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“Don’t worry about me, ef829afe33 Aunt.”c0183e79259812c2

“Lock the doors 9b50c7d9ce well.”42bf974fe25ec777

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My aunt, looking pale, 35fb313e5b hurried out, but even 0a19e157d6 so, she made sure 6ae057acb6 that I locked the c33cc00120 gate before leaving. Unbeknownst to d1f877dee1 the niece 1a50575ba5 who was a1abc45279 leaning against 3f6620764d the closed 3e6929d70f gate, she 6be234ce3b was revising d574129c9b the 30-minute dad502481a departure plan e22cbe422e to 3 20827ccc6e minutes later. I stretched fc362498c9 towards the ec1f8090ec full moon, 2c2ebf3163 which was f66153ff1c showing off 564120df28 a bright 74320b4326 smile as 336a45de4c if nothing 9d425a98ea had happened.241560ac778d2ad2

Once I handed over e2b1b95119 the chopsticks, it would 0a26d3cd95 be much easier to f8521e8a77 organize my feelings. My energetic steps 23c7242265 crossed the yard 7888b9c977 exactly 2 minutes 34899af669 later.25723c43207df86c

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